Chicks Dig Jerks: When Quantity Is Its Own Quality Edition

Piles of evidence already exist that women are a distinct species characterized to varying degree by their predilection for scampering after the love of badboys, jerks, assholes and, on occasion, imprisoned drug lords, murderers, serial killers and terrorists. So there’s no need to continue vindicating the Chateau worldview by adding yet another sordid story of pussy perfidy to the heap. At this point, noticing it is just depressing.

But the latest confirmation of the corrupted, careless nature of unleashed female sexuality offers a chance to examine a common refrain heard from those who in good faith contest the scope of the theory that chicks dig jerks. From the “Why the hell are we letting women become guards in male prisons?” file,

Thirteen female corrections officers essentially handed over control of a Baltimore jail to gang leaders, prosecutors said. The officers were charged Tuesday in a federal racketeering indictment.

Sex, drugs and prisoners were all involved in this recent FBI sting. The Washington Post’s Ann Marimow explains what was happening behind the prison walls.

The indictment described a jailhouse seemingly out of control. Four corrections officers became pregnant by one inmate. Two of them got tattoos of the inmate’s first name, Tavon — one on her neck, the other on a wrist. […]

According to an affidavit for search warrants for the homes of the prison guards, who were arrested Tuesday, gang leaders strategically recruited female officers who they thought had “low self-esteem and insecurities.”

Ya give the ladies the keys to the clink, and they turn it into a concubinage. Good job, beneficiaries of feminism! So who was the Big Man who ruled over his armed and willing sex slaves who were supposed to rule over him?

 “the ringleader of it all, according to the indictment, is Tavon White, a four-year inmate charged with attempted murder. He reportedly made $16,000 in one month off the smuggled contraband. Four corrections officers–Jennifer Owens, Katera Stevenson, Chania Brooks and Tiffany Linder, [ed: ruh roh, a couple of those names sound like white wimmenz!] who are also facing charges — allegedly became impregnated by White since he’s been in jail. Charging documents reveal Owens had ‘Tavon’ tattooed on her neck and Stevenson had ‘Tavon’ tattooed on her wrist.”

“But he was really a nice guy! I could see that in him.”

So much for the conventional wisdom that female prison guards are boxy dykes. Or maybe they were lesbians, but the overwhelming musky aroma of the alpha male prisoners converted them back into the hetero fold. Another possibility: All the lezbo guards work in female prisons. Zip it up, Grandmaster Fap. If you’ve seen female prisoners you’d know that the reality doesn’t come close to meeting the porno fantasy.

It would be understandable if you were to inquire about the quality of the women that upstanding citizen Tavon was banging and roping into his prison crime syndicate on the strength of his irresistible ghetto charms. While photos haven’t been forthcoming, odds are fairly good these women were less than stellar specimens of female beauty and femininity.

Obviously, female quality matters when judging a man’s alphaness. A man who pulls one hot babe is more alpha than a man who pulls fifty biodiesel dirigibles.

However, within the confines of some peculiar arrangements, and past a certain proportionality, quantity is its own quality. So how alpha was Tavon? First, he was working with a restricted (and self-selected) pool of candidates. On the streets, who knows for certain what quality of women he could get, but given his proven skill at seducing female prison guards to do his bidding, it’s a good bet he was probably pulling better quality outside than his available selection within prison.

Second, Tavon managed to convince four of the women to get pregnant by him (or convince them to not worry so much about protection). That shows he’s got the game to take it to the next level.

Third, even if Tavon was boffing ugly women, that’s still thirteen ugly women who decided to pass on loving, intimate relationships with omega or even lesser beta freemen for illicit harem duty with an attempted murderer in jail. No matter how ugly the woman, there’s gonna be some desperate omega male playing by the rules and clocking in at his nine to five who could’ve used that ugly woman’s company to rescue him from total loneliness.

But, poor omegas and betas… they’re not just competing with free alphas, they’re competing with alphas ostensibly removed from societal circulation.

There’s really nothing to learn from this story beyond that which we already know:

1. Chicks love dominant men.
2. Women in love with assholes will rationalize anything.
3. A core concept of game is asserting your dominance over women by displaying higher status and/or undermining a woman’s relative status.
4. A charming, violent inmate will leave more descendants to suckle on the state teat than a diligent, law-abiding beta male will leave to contribute to the state teat.

With this swirl of good news, perhaps now is a time to remind each other of the beautiful, inclusive, and downright revolutionary history of the season we call Spring, when girlie tops get sheerer and skirts get shorter. Go forth, happy hour imps, and be the asshole women adore!