How To Handle Self-Deprecating Fatties

GLPiggy has a post about fat customers at his restaurant joking about their weight and putting wait staff in a difficult spot.

A co-worker at the restaurant came looking for my wisdom the other day.  “What do you say when a fat customer jokes about their weight?”  This happens a lot in booth sections, by the way.  Fat people struggle to squeeze into booths and, because they are embarrassed about it, make light of their size.  I have a friend at work who makes jokes about being big. I don’t bite by lying and automatically saying that she’s skinny.  She’s not fat, but she’s not skinny.  I just don’t want to play that game so I tell her, jokingly (yeah, I cop out), that it’s not right to put people on the spot like that.  You’re either begging for a lie or making that person feel like a jerk for agreeing.

How people should respond to self-deprecating fatties and how people will respond are two different things. Here is how people will respond, based on the type of person subject to the awkward fatty self-flagellation:

Fatty: “Oh, wow, I must be getting fat. I can’t fit into this booth.”

Thin woman: “No, you look good!”
Thin woman, later with her friends: “Did you see that fat bitch?”
Fat woman: “No, you look good!”
Fat woman, later to herself: “What a fat bitch.”
Omega male: “No, you look good!”
Omega male, later to himself: “I wonder if she liked me?”
Beta male: *smiles and nods sympathetically with pursed lips*
Beta male, later with his friends: “I’m getting tired of these fat chicks hitting on me.”
Alpha male: *blank stare*
Alpha male, later with his friends: “Hey, Beta Male, the really cute chick at table six wants you to come out and say hi. Says she knows you from her World of Warcraft guild.”
Alpha male who doesn’t care about losing his job: “Admitting you have a problem is half the battle.”

The following is how people should respond with an eye on shaming the nation of human supernovas to end their sixty year gromance with self-inflicted deformity:

Fatty: “Oh, wow, I must be getting fat. I can’t fit into this booth.”

Avatar of Lightness: “Yup.”

Chuck likes the idea of “agreeing and amplifying” a fatty’s self-deprecation. So, for instance:

Fatty: “Oh, wow, I must be getting fat. I can’t fit into this booth.”

Avatar of Lightness: “You and me both!” [this is even funnier if you’re skinny and patting your flat stomach while saying it] “I’ll put you down for a Diet Coke then?”

Or, if you prefer to insert your Shiv with more subtlety:

Fatty: “Oh, wow, I must be getting fat. I can’t fit into this booth.”

Avatar of Lightness: “Don’t worry about it. The booths are made for anorexics. Anyone who judges you is just jealous.”

The game lesson here is as applicable to girls who self-deprecate as a way to “entrap” beta males as it is to fatties seeking a sympathy compliment. You can validate them and play their game, or you can joust and play your game.