Apparently, the discouragement needs more voltage.
realmatt (who is likely a troll nicking another commenter’s handle) comments in response to an earnest lad asking for a little help on cold approaching girls at college:
You can fake it till you make it until the cows come home but if you’re a big fat Nothing at the end of the day, then your life will stay the same.
Au contraire. In at least one respect your life will be different: You’ll have had sex with cute girls instead of no sex with cute girls.
Your true self will always shine through
Faking it actually creates an improved personality in time. This has been proven by scientific study, not to mention by millions of personal testimonials.
and I suspect that is why many of these famous, set-loving “PUAs” lose their girlfriends.
You’ve got the causality backwards. Most cads “lose” their girlfriends because they want them lost. There’s a certain breed of man who loves variety and the thrill of the chase.
There’s no doubt in my mind Mystery stands there going through all his rules in his head.
Maybe, but it appears to have worked for him. He’s got a kid now with a hotnsexy chick.
The mistake so many people are making is they see the woman as the ultimate prize.
From your gene’s pov, sex *is* the ultimate prize. If you can’t attract women, you’re the equivalent of DNA dead weight. Human dross fashioned in His likeness. Heh heh heh.
You should be trying to dominate in every aspect of your life.
Why herd the cows when you can squeeze the milk for free?
A woman is just an accessory.
Some accessories are more equal than others.
A trophy is just a reminder.
Have you ever been in love?
You have to make a choice.
Sez who? Seduction and careerism aren’t mutually incompatible.
Do you want to be a MAN or some feminized snarky bitch who can insult a woman into bed?
I always suspect the kinds of guys who write stuff like this are guys who envy the snarksters for their ability to score.
Does anyone here listen to these PUAs in their videos and think “God I wish I could be him..”?
Do you wish you could be Barack Obama, President of the United States of America?
Who the hell would want to behave like the PUA Tyler Durden???
TD’s way is not the only way.
he’s annoying as fuck.
Chicks dig men who impose.
Those guys are nothing but gay men who like to fuck women.
Gay men don’t like to fuck women.
They’re worthless beyond that.
Keep telling yourself that.
Leading her to believe you’re worth the effort and actually being someone who is worth the effort are 2 very different things and the truth always finds it’s way out.
So you believe men should work hard to appease women and fulfill their demands for a worthwhile man?
It’s getting to the point where the haters have become so apoplectic and incoherent that arguing with them logically is a fool’s errand. They’ll take repeated hammer blows to the ego, and come back sputtering the same nonsense ad nauseam. So instead, I’ll give them a taste of what they most loathe and fear: A little of the ol’ ultrasnark, delivered sideways gamesta style. It won’t win over the haters, who are un-convincable at any rate, but it’ll sure entertain the crowd, and it’s more fun for me. Poolside life bar: 100%.
UPDATE
A commenter writes,
God I hate this expression:
“Faking it” or “Fake it until you make it”
Why not just call it what it is, PRACTICE
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
Branding is half the battle. If the haters started calling game what it is — practice — they would then tacitly admit that game is just like any self-improvement endeavor with a learning curve. Then they’d have nothing left to foam about.
CH, don’t even waste your time with these jackasses.
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“Seduction and careerism aren’t mutually incompatible.”
So true. I work 50-60 hrs per week running a fast growing company with 20+ employees. Work is incredibly hectic and high-pressure at times, to say the least, and I love it.
Game has still really brought me wonders. But when thinking about the very little effort I have put in to chase women, my pay off has been incredible. Thanks game! I did not have a chance with them ladies before game, basically.
PS. A career is great – if you don’t have a sugar momma – and want to enjoy an easier life in a few aspects. DS.
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It’s best when you actually have a job doing something you like doing. Huge improvement to quality of life.
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Yeah, it’s something that’s always turned me off about the manosphere. A lot of the bitterness towards women seems to be a byproduct of not getting any play. Maybe it’s just me, but when I’m having regular sex with attractive women, I simply can’t muster the conviction to get all hissy with them on the Internet.
There are guys who actively hate on PUA culture and I just don’t understand it. My favorite is the perpetual straw man that pickup doesn’t allow room for development as a man. Excuse me, what the fuck? Just because I spend half a day on the weekend approaching women doesn’t mean that I stow myself away in some PUA cryotube for the rest of the working week. And the guys who have made a living out of it, like Tyler Durden, how can you fault them? They are quintessential rugged individualist entrepreneurial types.
Game and life really isn’t that hard. Once you grasp the fundamentals, you can mold and grow your personality around that framework. And once this internal enlightenment sets in, you’ll find you are no longer that concerned with manosphere hot topics like divorce, paternity, men’s rights, etc. You just become your own man and literally make your own rules.
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“it’s something that’s always turned me off about the manosphere. A lot of the bitterness towards women seems to be a byproduct of not getting any play. Maybe it’s just me, but when I’m having regular sex with attractive women, I simply can’t muster the conviction to get all hissy with them on the Internet.”
This. The biggest difference in attitudes toward women between PUA forums and Manosphere ones is that PUAs generally LIKE women. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that that’s because they actually go out and fuck them or at LEAST generally learn to be social fun people who enjoy interacting with others. Meanwhile the angry bitter Manosphere guys are in their computer room alone preparing another rant about evil sluts and bitches and have tiny social circles of equally angry bitter men, that women don’t want to be around.
Life is short, it’s a nice warm summer packed with scantily clad hotties. Enjoy the beautiful women out there for what they are instead of hating them for not being what you wish they were. A lot of them are pretty awesome when you stop expecting them to be perfect, like the one coming over to cook me dinner and give me a massage next week lol
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i was best man at my buddys wedding. on a couple occasions, and recently as last night, he told me this girl (the maid of honor) is cock hungry and hasnt been hooking up at all where she goes to med school in some other state. So according to my buddy, she casually mentions that she wants to get laid, and brings me up as a candidate.
So i hit her up on facebook last night, and shes definitely game. All i did was establish a vibe and a bit of familiarity (ive never spoken to her outside the wedding, even then not really at all).
Wonder if i should be staright up sexual while messaging her going forward…i honestly dont want to go out to a bar and run shit with this chick if shes just trying to get laid. I wonder how little i need to do here lol
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I’ve been in a similar situation at a wedding, barely spoke two sentences to the maid of honor, and I scored. Give her a wink or knowing glance time to time. The one I went to, I didn’t have time to spend with her alone, and it worked out fine. If you know a lot of people at the wedding, especially lady friends of the bride, it’s a huge DHV for you. And with alcohol flowing throughout the night, the maid of honor will rationalize anything.
Short of taking another girl home or walking up to her and saying, “So…we’re hooking up later, riiiiight?”, you’re good. I don’t know if it comes more gift-wrapped than a horny maid of honor who wants the D.
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“i honestly dont want to go out to a bar and run shit with this chick if shes just trying to get laid. I wonder how little i need to do here lol”
lol this is pretty much my mentality. I hate going for drinks etc when I know it’s on because I know it’s just a socially conditioned ritual to build comfort/rapport which is fine except that 1) we both already know we want to fuck eachother so it feels dumb to dance around it and 2) that’s like $15-$30 I wouldn’t have spent if I was staying in at home. I don’t want to blow $30 just to get laid, shit…
Anyway so in your situ, which if I understand it right is basically “I’m the best man at this wedding, chick is coming up and wants to bone me, but we’re in contact up till the wedding”, would be:
1) no sexy talk. Keep it flirty/innuendo so she knows you have a penis but really light and non-aggressive and totally casual. Err on the side of being “friendly and unthreatening” more than being “sexual and aggressive”.
The reason for this is that you are going to meet up. There’s no work to do here, it is inevitable that your paths will cross because of your circumstance. If you get sexually aggressive over Facebook, she’s going to show up feeling like you expect sex from her which can trigger a fuckton of ASD/LMR issues that you’ll have to disarm.
But if you keep things platonic and just very lightly flirty, she’ll know it’s probably on so she’ll be looking forward to it, but she won’t feel like you think she’s a guaranteed easy lay so her defenses won’t be up.
2) Then in person you just be awesome and escalate fast, lots of heavy innuendo as soon as you meet her, be physical, joke about how you two might be getting married next as you put her arms around you, etc. like turn it on full so she knows you have her chosen for the night.
3) From there, the entire night is foreplay for her. Be aggressive, then back off and go mingle, take her around a corner and pin her against the wall and almost but not quite kiss her, then back off and help the groom with something, eyefuck her over dinner from across the room, etc. etc
4) Later in the night when everyone’s in party mode, dance with her and be more physical but don’t be too raunchy in public. Any kissing you do, keep it light and quick and PG-rated and be the first one to end the kiss each time.
5) Later on, as the party starts to wind down or it gets chaotic enough that you two can slip away, isolate her somewhere in the venue around a corner or in a linen closet or in an elevator or a stairwell “come see the roof!” Etc and, once isolated so she won’t fear social judgement, pin her against the wall arms pinned over her head, growl “i’ve been wanting to do this since I saw you in that dress…” into her ear as you nibble on her neck, make out hardcore, put her hand on your cock thru your pants, and escalate like a motherfucker to sex.
Good luck, this is a done deal easy peasy shit, there’s almost no way you can fuck it up unless you trigger her ASD/LMR and then can’t disable it smoothly lol. Follow my guide and you should have zero issues.
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Eh, you can’t really blame them. They’ve been mistreated and abused. Sure, they’re not productive – but when you’re paying $1800/month alimony + child support and you see your kids twice a year (if your wife chooses to honor the few stipulations on her side of the agreement, and if your kids even want to see you as your ex has been calling you a monster ever since the breakup) then I can kind of see where it comes from.
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Try $3800
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A man who hates what women have become can enjoy a tight pink one just as well as all these puppy-eyed lovers of da ladiez.
Maybe more, if you know what I’m sayin.
I mean, all the true gangstas know, Nate ain’t never loved no hoe.–
West coast shit nigga
Overdosage – imperial pistols ferocious
Fuck a bitch; don’t tease bitch, strip tease bitch
Eat a bowl of these bitch, gobble the dick
Hoes forgot to eat a dick can shut the fuck up
Gobble and swallow a nut up, shut up and get my cash
Backhanded, pimpslapped backwards and left stranded
Just pop ya collar, pimp convention hoes for a dollar
Six-Deuce in a plush, six-deuce impala
Pimpin hoes from Texas to Guatemala
Bitch niggaz paid for hoes, just to lay wit hoes
Relax one night, and paid to stay wit hoes
Captain Save’Em all day (bitch) well save this dick
Bitch nigga, you more of a bitch than a bitch
You ain’t into hittin pussy, or hittin the switch
You into hittin bitches off of the grip, you punk bitch
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O ye betas hearken unto the ancient wisdom of Dre Kurupt and Nate — talk about motherfucking game.–
Captain Save’Em All Day, how fucking sweet…
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Hoes forgot to eat a dick and shut the fuck up.
What else is there to say?
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God I hate this expression:
“Faking it” or “Fake it until you make it”
Why not just call it what it is, PRACTICE
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
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i get what you’re saying, but i don’t care too much what the naysayers say, they’ll be negative about something no matter what. for me, someone who has had to ‘fake it’ initially, i did find it illustrative of the concept that becoming a man with options starts with portraying myself as a man with options. i couldn’t just instantly have backup girls waiting for me out there. so i sort of like the phrase in that it is clear to me what it means, helps me explain it when i try to help a buddy, and i don’t care much what negative people have to say about it.
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I’ve always liked ” Believing is becoming. “
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“Seduction and careerism aren’t mutually incompatible.”
I would argue that they both rely upon the same basic skill set, at least in my industry. I have customers that need to be put at ease and to feel that I understand their needs, and can help them achieve those objectives. This is exactly what I do with women – although without pandering – so my customer walks away happy with the interaction, just as a women does who is leaving my home early in the morning. So I would say that the person who is good at seduction, will be good at business as well, since that is also seduction with a different goal…
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Your true self is something that you and you alone have ownership of, so therefore if you are continually improving yourself through game etc then the true you that shines through will be the true self that cleans up with the poosy.
Paybacks a motherfucker and so is the truth.
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[…] heartiste.wordpress.com […]
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Translation: “I am scared I can’t do it. So I’ll just cough up a furball at the community instead. God dammit, celibacy sucks!”
Re: Points 1&2, Google “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy”
ie: behaviors can change thoughts and thoughts can change behaviors. An entire (very successful) branch of psych has been founded on “realmatt”‘s 1st 2 points being groundless.
Re Personal Dev. I really started liking RSDTyler when I found he talks about stuff like this:
Youtube, rsdfreetour, “The Game Is An Odyssey Of The Mind — Evolve In Your Entitlement With Hot Girls!”
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Thanks, Ronin. Great vid. I’m not crazy if I’ve hit some of the same mindset milestones, not that I thought I was. RSD Tyler obviously has studied phsycology in general.
Re. previous comments, I’m calling glorified BS on ‘liking’ women. It’s about liking oneself despite the lying nature of women we need to interact with and so appraise accurately. We expect less of women and like them for what they are good for more. We don’t leave them better since we are not the political alpha, no pussy ownership. Civilized men want to create not just play stroke this. Real alphas own not just rent, but Butthex Order has real alphas in ownership sense and Game development is guerilla counter politics that can lead to patriarchal ownership from renting tactics success. Pump and dump to true mastery in the big picture. Not a whole lot of liking. Does not help the female welfare, which is necessary casualty for recovery of civilization.
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Not liking women just makes them love you more. They are like cats in this regard.
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“Maybe, but it appears to have worked for him. He’s got a kid now with a hotnsexy chick.”
Based on the photo I saw of Mystery, published on this blog, he was pushing his child in a stroller as the mother was texting on her phone and ignoring him. You could tell based on the photo the mother was from a low educational background/social class. If you reproduce with a low-rent woman your child is low-rent no matter what. So yeah, Mystery has a child so it “worked” but the mother doesn’t care for him so it’s not the greatest deal.
[CH: Men don’t care so much about women’s class or education. Is she cute? Yes. That’s what matters. How do we know it matters? Because other men wouldn’t be envious of Mystery if he were banging Ruth Bader Ginsburg.]
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Because other men wouldn’t be envious of Mystery if he were banging Ruth Bader Ginsburg.]
OMGLOL
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Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the lone exception to Internet Rule 34.
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You mean you don’t find her success and confidence sexy?
LOZLZLOZOZOOZLZLZLZOZOZOZLZLZOZOZLZLZL
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What can I say? I’m a mere troglodyte, intimidated and threatened by the sexy and strong womyn in charge of her own life under the robes.
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“Branding is half the battle.”
That’s right, which makes one wonder, to borrow a page from the real Matt, why you idiots continue employing terms like “game” (“Game”, excuse me) to describe your philosophy. It’s like you’re trying not to be taken seriously.
[CH: I like Learned Charisma. Or just charisma.]
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>>>why you idiots continue employing terms like “game” (“Game”, excuse me) to describe your philosophy. It’s like you’re trying not to be taken seriously
So you’re saying John von Neumann and Oskar Morgenstern were idiots for labeling strategic decision making as “game theory?”
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The hater has a point but gets consumed by his hatred before he can express himself coherently. He’s all over the place, essentially arguing with himself. An internet hazard.
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It’s just trying to get maximum return for minimum effort. Being efficient.
It’s like buying a house: You have a set amount of money and you want to get the best house you can for that money.
Sure you can work harder to get more money, but no matter how much money you have, you’ll still try to get the best deal on a house that you can.
And hey, if your house starts to depreciate in value, it might be time to sell it for a hot new young house.
A large part of game is just salesmanship, where what you are selling is you. The other part is actually knowing what makes you more valuable.
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Thank you. I’m getting tired of the manospambots screaming about how women aren’t worth the effort. MGTOWs sound like a bunch of fags.
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i always wonder what they think _is_ worth the effort. my buddies are critical to my happiness but they don’t take effort. work? money? stuff? it’s all to get girls, essentially.
imagine if we reproduced asexually and there were no women, beanbag, tv, fleabag hotel room, fast food, maybe some hoops. that would be my life.
women are about the only thing worth much of any effort, from a male perspective. that’s what all these damn cities are even here for.
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PRACTICE?
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literally lzozozlozlzozlzozllahahah ahahahaha alzolzolzozlozo I fucking love that clip so much. one of the all time great sports moments literally zlozlzolzo ahaha. fucking greatness right there.
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The Hater’s Nub
The ultimate concern of the hater is expressed thusly:
“Leading her to believe you’re worth the effort and actually being someone who is worth the effort are 2 very different things and the truth always finds it’s way out.”
It is projection to flip the script, the roles of offense vs. defense, good vs. evil, whatever.
Hater is a bitch who WANTS TO BE worth the effort in spite of empirical evidence to the contrary, whether a natural bitch female or a software synthetic mangina bitch. Hater wants confirmation of such value without exposing need for it. Crushing reality is only cure, but the matrix is too strong of a ‘reality’ to make it possible whilst fiat money has currency.
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Sad dude… you’re calling some guy you don’t even know a “hater” and a “bitch” all from the comfort of your own home. You really should get out more. It’s a beautiful day, go play outside…
[CH: You first.]
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Would like to get some feedback from the chateau brethren as I often find the best advice here. Does anyone have any further musings on how to advance a career? I’m starting to sour on my current position and have been looking at some different things for awhile, but not sure what path would best suit my skill set. I currently work in the editorial field for a well known non profit in a major city and make about 40k year. Was an English major/Dean’s List and have done some freelance writing on the side. Any advice on some prospective jobs that could make for a good career/pay raise? Any advice appreciated. Thanks.
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Think like Warren Buffett. There aren’t enough barriers to entry in your field, as and far as I know no guild to prevent entry. NO ONE WANTS TO PAY YOU SHIT. People will only pay you well when THEY HAVE TO. Instances of this are medicine ( people are sick and need help) , law ( people desperately don’t want to go to jail or get taken in deals). These are high earning fields. People resent these high earners to some extent; being resented is essential, there is no success without being hated.
If you want to remain in the writing field, you may make more if you go into a sub-specialty like technical writing, preferably for some high-buck thing like SAP software. It HAS to be done, but no one wants to do it and few people are capable of it because you have to have hard to acquire technical knowledge as well.
You could switch fields completely, I hear X-ray technicians ( now a broader field because there is more use of PET scans and ultrasound for example) make a lot, the degree needed ( not an MD, a technician degree) does not take that long, and everyone wants pink collar like your job where you hang out in nice clothes and don’t touch anyone.
Nurses are the best women also, in my opinion.
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thx
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That’s a great way of expressing a common and important theme. I’m filing that quote away.
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The thrill of the chase… even when I had the hottest g/f’s I was always out beasting… I love it!
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Heartiste — You are British! Was always curious.
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To me, the PUA lifestyle is about self-improvement and the manosphere is a cautionary tale. The manosphere shows you what happens if you pedestalize women or become too dependent on them. It’s cynical sometimes and it’s ugly, but it can’t be ignored.
And like all things related to self-improvement, it scares people. They wonder why the status quo isn’t good enough for you. I’m in pretty good shape, but I can’t announce I’m going on a harder gym kick, because if I do, people ask, “Why? You look great. You don’t need to do THAAAAT.”
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When people use the word “hater,” they are essentially just deflecting the threat that criticism poses to their ego and the ideology they identify with.
[CH: How’s life in your unicorn fantasyland where hate has been banished to the archipelago of misfit internet trolls?]
Criticism is necessary for a healthy society and development of ideas.
[The difference between critics and haters is degree of stupidity and bad faith.]
The concept of “hater” is an argumentum ad hominem and therefore is logically invalid.
[The entire liberal legal establishment wept.]
All you can really do, logically, is say whether his claims have validity or not.
[You’re a cunt. Does my claim have validity or not?]
As much as CH dismisses others who use argumentum ad hominem and proof by assertion, they are pretty much his stock in trade.
[Yet another buffoon with reading comprehension issues.]
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No.
CH readily invalidated all of the claims made by the hater. Proof by assertion? There are frequent entries that highlight the science behind Game theory, not to mention news clips and anecdotal evidence abound.
Thanks for failing, see you next semester.
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Anyone see the recent episode of Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares that the internet blew up over, with the entitled bitch? Not surprisingly, she used the word “hater” repeatedly to deflect criticism.
[CH: How about just ‘cunt’. Would that suffice?]
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2333584/Hes-teddy-bear-Third-happy-hooker-testifies-great-pimp–theyd-sex-fights.html
”He’s a teddy bear! Third ‘happy hooker’ testifies about how great her pimp was – and how they’d have sex after fights”
and the beat goes on
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This guy just offers up every stereotypical argument against learning game that can be disproven by anyone who’s actually gone deep into learning about game.
It’s like people who crap on a genre of music because they heard a few songs on the radio.
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I’m one of those guys for whom “fake it till you make it” didn’t work. I generally find that idea that confidence is important wrong. In my experience, confidence is an important presentation tactic, but it is not in itself an object you can present. Confidence is secondary to the things you’re confident of.
Here’s an example. Nowadays I tend to feel really ashamed of my body and my clothes whenever I go outside. But before that, there was a time period slightly over 3 years long when I felt confident about my looks. I had lost weight and was working out. I wouldn’t especially dress up, but I did my best to pick out good clothes that would fit and mix right. And with that confidence I found that women don’t like me more – in fact, both women and men become more aggressive towards me. Challenging me to back up my confidence with something tangible, which I, being the genetic garbage that I am, had none of.
I’m not saying confidence is completely useless, but faking it is only the way to go for guys of decent quality whose real confidence doesn’t match their objective worth. Faking high worth as a low worth guy is just going to piss people off.
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While this could very well be the clever bait of an anti-PUA troll, I have to both comment on the legitimacy of the sentiment and offer a course correction. Yes: working out, upgrading your wardrobe and attempting to mimic all of those behaviors that attractive men exhibit (proud stature, languid movements, firm eye contact, etc.) will make people notice you, which – in turn – will make some people challenge you. ‘Faking it’ successfully means that you have gone from being background noise to being actual signal (or have gone from scenery to scene-maker, if you prefer) which means that you are now in the spotlight, warts and all. Sometimes this experience will be rewarding to you; other times it will be painful as hell. Eye contact with a cute girl (or – hell – even just a decent one) can make you feel like you’re finally growing as a man, or it can remind you that you are short, or ugly, or balding, or old. Some guys will give you the upwards Bro Nod(tm) when they see that you’ve been lifting weights, and others will sneer at the fact that your fat/scrawny/whatever ass is even bothering. So people are challenging you? Congratulations, you are no longer invisible, and you are now doing what men do: compete, fight and (eventually) fuck.
The problem, as it is (or was, as you seem to be indicating that you have given up), is with your own perception of their challenge to you. Cute girl turns her nose up at you? “Oh no!: she knows that I’m really an omega and that I haven’t had sex in years!!” Tough guy sneers at you or wants to pound your lungs into paste? “Oh shit: he knows that I was always picked on in school and that I can’t fight!” You’re presenting (or attempting to present) the attributes of a successful male, and when the world asks for your Alpha passport you shit your pants and stupidly surrender all of the marijuana that you could have easily smuggled if you just kept your cool and plowed. The problem is not that you were faking it – the problem is that you weren’t committing to the fakery. You didn’t believe that you could be cool, or desirable, so – surprise – they didn’t believe it either. You can’t walk around thinking that you’re some piece of “genetic garbage” and expect this belief to not seep into everything that you do. If you’re being challenged on your Alpha demeanor incessantly it is a huge indicator that there is strong incongruence between your words and your actions, or your actions and your posture, or your posture and your subtext etc, and this will only be hammered out through time and commitment and belief in yourself. Nobody said that this was going to be easy, and the first stage for people like you (and me as well: I’m 5″7 and was dorky as sin) is just a massive shit test from the world as it tells you to sit the fuck down and go back to being a loser, and you tell it to go home and fuck its mother.
There’s a reason why lower betas and omegas run screaming from seduction/game/et al., and its because that spotlight can burn like a motherfucker, and – for them – its better to lick their collective wounds (e.g. their genetic and social deficiencies) than to experience its harsh glare. I’d rather the world step up to me and get right in my face than have it deny my very existence, but every man must choose his own path. Your desires and your limiting beliefs are on opposite sides of the scale; the heavier one will win.
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I didn’t shit my pants at the challenge. Okay, at first I did at first and committed to fighting that habit. I obviously didn’t believe myself to be genetic garbage at that point. I believed wholeheartedly that I had just been living the wrong way and could set myself on a happier path that included more pussy among other things. But year after year, every challenge I stood up to, I was knocked down. When someone gives you that look, you can shrug it off. When they come up to you and insult you after that, you can deflect it or tell them to fuck off. When they then appeal to the rest of the group to tell you you’re worth nothing and the group agrees wholeheartedly, that’s when you’ve been knocked down. I switched so many groups, but just as my self-improvement efforts provided very little in terms of tangible results, every group ended up being the same and eventually treating me like shit. That’s how I came to believe in competence before confidence.
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Maybe you’re overplaying it? Sounds like you annoy people. Laconic is good, if that happens. I find the less I talk, the more people like me. Twice in an evening I come up with something really good. Aside from that, if I have the discipline to keep my mouth shut and merely prompt others to talk, I make a good impression. Don’t try too hard. Extroverted confidence is not everybody’s style.
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This actually explains a great deal to me. Being a good looking guy with an omega personality, I have often been challenged and ridiculed by others for no apparent reason, and was left wondering why. Would you make fun of somebody in a wheelchair? Would you make fun of somebody with cancer? No, the reason I was targeted was because I improve myself as much as possible, which is like entering myself into the giant gladiator arena that is the social/sexual marketplace.
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Or, as the great George Costanza once said, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.”
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Hook or Crook,
I can’t tell you how much I needed that pep talk. Just got knocked on my ass exactly as you described, and had some trouble getting back up. Now I’m getting back in the game.
Clerk Kent
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Your confidence is/was based on external attributes.
The confidence that fixes the stuff you’re talking about is internally based. When your confidence is based on who you are VS who you’re presenting to the world, people don’t pick fights with you because they can tell they can’t shake you, girls shit-test you less because they don’t sense any incongruency, and in general people are more receptive to you.
It’s when your confidence is externally based and incongruent to your internals that people pick up on “something’s not right here…” and react aggressively to it because you give them that same disturbing “off” feeling that a used car salesman gives them where they feel like they can’t trust you and that you’re up to something because they sense incongruence.
Essentially you just need to keep going thru this, and actively working on your game and sticking points (not just going out, but writing field reports, getting feedback, breaking down your interactions to look for issues, actively attempting to fix those issues, maybe even get coaching or at least find an experienced wing who can give you honest feedback, learn to accept lessons from negative interactions but then forget they happened and not dwell on them), until you gain enough positive reference experiences (thus the learning to not dwell on negative ones, to help accelerate gaining positive ones) that your confidence starts to shift to be internally based.
This is a looooong process depending on where you’re starting from. It can take years of pushing thru absolute hell night after night to get thru it. But when you do, it’s worth it.
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First off, get your testosterone checked.
A lot of us who are here because normals sniff us out as slightly “off” boils down to this medical factor.
I’ve discussed my very feminine 2D:4D ratio here before. I was first-born and my doormat mom consented to take industrial-strength Sandra Fluke Tic Tacs for 6 years before her pregnancy – at Dad’s direction; his comfort came first.
Looking back there were a couple of other kids in my prole grade school who came from a hormone-poisoned womb like me…a few of us with tells like too many moles, overly sensitive personality and something a little plasticky about our skin.
Surprise, as a young adult my testosterone level was a pathetic < 200.
The good news is that there are new brands of T coming on line all the time, most marketed to older men, but a lot of us younger guys need it now too thanks to the toxic environment we survived.
There is actually a testosterone nasal spray in clinical trials which allows nearly all the hormone to get into your bloodstream quickly.
Also check your 2D:4D and other proxies for low T like long eyelashes, not-wide face, no older brothers that could point to you needing testing and treatement – take advantage of modern science and fix what may be ailing you.
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Already did. I have all the hallmarks of low testosterone (well, I don’t look feminine but I do look very juvenile – still get my ID checked when drinking even tho I’m nearing 30) but apparently my levels are perfectly normal as well as all other biochemistry. Then again, I live in an Eastern European shithole and the medicine here isn’t quite as advanced, so it could be some hormone insensitivity bullshit.
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Christ, what a little bitch. No wonder you get walked over. When I see a guy like you with a girl, I purposefully take her from him, because it is my genetic right, my genetic duty. Because I am Alpha and for the good of my species she should not be with you. If you manned the fuck up a little, stood up for yourself (or at least LOOKED like you were willing to throw a punch if I talked to her), I would have moved on to the next one. Next time a guy challenges you, hit him in the face instead of whimpering away, with your tail between your legs. You may not win the fight, or the politically correct nods of approval, but at least your balls will start growing back, and women will start looking at you as a man.
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Why does everybody keep confusing my inability to stand up to a challenge with unwillingness? Taking your punch metaphor, yeah, I can throw a punch alright. Thing is, my best punch won’t even stagger you and your sloppiest punch will leave me a mess of broken bones and torn muscle. I’m willing to stand up for myself alright. Hell, I’ll rather accept a challenge and lose it than not even trying. This lets me keep what tiny shreds of self-esteem I have left) but it sure as hell isn’t in any way practical. A guy who stands strong and loses every time is just as much of a loser in others’ (including women’s) eyes as a guy who lets others walk all over him.
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Read what you just wrote and tell me again that you are not unwiiling… Jesus christ you must be on estrogen supplements, I’ve never seen someone contradict themselves as plainly as you.
I agree with Anon, work on your inner game. Until then it is my right to deny you any and all female contact.
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If you see a contradiction, point me to it. To me it looks like you’re just extrapolating my description – you see me saying that I lose every challenge and decide that I avoid challenges. If anything, that says more about you – apparently, you’re only willing to take a challenge when victory is guaranteed, is that right? If so, who are you to lecture me on inner game?
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On an unrelated but interesting note.
There has been a post flying around the internet as of late that caught my attention. The post is about being “girlfriend” zoned. I get the feeling this was written as a bit of a joke and a shaming tool against the justified anger of men and boys who were friend zoned. Remember if you can’t disprove it you can always discredit it.
At first I was really annoyed by this post because it flies in the face of people who were quite hurt. For a guy, being shut down when you try to make a relationship is a big deal, but women don’t see it as such and I think I have figured out why.
They’re getting the milk for free.
We’ve all heard about some girl being told that no guy is going to buy a cow (fat joke here) when they can get the milk for free. This was of course talking about a girl’s most valuable asset, sex. Women have come up with a whole host of reasons to have and not to have sex but it all comes back to no man is going to seriously commit to a girl if he thinks he can’t get laid. So how are we giving away the milk?
As men, our most valuable service is our commitment to a relationship. A woman wants commitment from a man. She wants the beta provider. Don’t misunderstand me, she NEEDS the Alpha cad but she desperately WANTS the beta provider. This is why women love their beta orbiters. These men COMMIT to her and no one else (unless another girl seems to return his feelings). For a woman she is now getting everything she wants out of a relationship with no real work. She is loved, supported, respected and above all else contented. Beta guys give away their commitment for nothing and are shamed when they ask for something back. This is why they curse you over the internet, which is only one step above writing about you in his diary in terms of its likelihood of affecting you.
When I was more beta I constantly heard the line “all you want is sex, why can’t we just be friends.” The reason for this line was I was giving it up for free. When I tried to move to a relationship the only real perceptible change was sex and suddenly all of my efforts were toward that goal. Now I’m the bad guy for only caring about one thing when she had everything she wanted.
What betas mean when they ask for a relationship
To girls, imagine you want to build a house with a guy. You and he begin to build and make a rock solid common foundation. Next, because he is nice he decides to build up the parts of the house you like most. He builds and entryway, a common room with a TV and couch, a single bedroom for you, a clean bathroom, ect. Once you and he are done though you decide that construction can end. The house is basically done and has everything you need. Why continue? Then he asks you to help build the parts he wants. A bit selfish of him right. He only wants a kitchen so you can make him food, he only wants a garage to build his expensive toys, and he only wants a common bedroom to have sex in. Suddenly this house isn’t about the two of you (really just you) it’s about him. But look at it from the guy’s side. He did all this to build a house for you AND him, not just you. So when he tries to build the parts he wants (friendship to relationship) and you say no he sees it as quite a bit of wasted time. He spent time, energy and money building a common foundation and everything you wanted only to be told he doesn’t get his part of the house. And when he takes the logical step to build a new house with someone else (after venting about his wasted time) you shame him for not staying in the house the two of you built.
Understand the “girlfriend” zone doesn’t take away any parts of your house; it just means you have to build the rest.
-Blind
Post in question
http://cheezburger.com/7500405504
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>>>>There’s no doubt in my mind Mystery stands there going through all his rules in his head.
Maybe, but it appears to have worked for him. He’s got a kid now with a hotnsexy chick.<<<<
Which is the goal Mystery had in mind when he started.
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Hello Heatiste,
In Spanish there is phrase that says.. Verbo mata carita, meaning words over good looks. This phase is used very commonly. It is applied to guys to exemplify that a girl can fall in love with a guy regardless if he is good looking or not. If the guy has good persuasion, he can make the girl fall in love.
From what you understand about the nature of women, is this true? Can a guy make most girls fall in love with him regardless of his looks? Or for this to be true, the girl has to have already some attraction towards the guy? Or does the girl have to be in a emotionally down period for the guy to have a chance to talking over his ugly face?
I have heard a similar phrase in English that says that if given enough time, one can talk away his ugly face. I think some French writer said it.
Thank you
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