A reader writes,
If this isn’t a bad prognostication for a marriage, then I don’t know what is.
A friend of mine recently tied the knot with his college girlfriend. I admittedly do not know the bride very well, but generally she can be controlling and tough to warm up to. When you look at the picture attached, it’s apparent she hasn’t even warmed up to…her own husband.
Yes, that’s the couple’s first official kiss as a married couple. Except it’s not a kiss. His bride denied him, physically pushed him away, and proceeded to give him the cheek when he awkwardly went in for the kiss.
Seeing him, pathetically and helplessly, hunched over like that on top of his wife fills me with pity. If his wife can’t even comply to her man on their wedding day what hope is there in the future. Any takers on how long into the marriage before she starts withholding sex?
Also, as you can see in the photos the wedding was presided not by a priest, but by the bride’s fatass sister.
I’ve been to a fair number of weddings, and I’ve never seen a blushing bride’s visceral distaste for her husband quite this transparently revealed. Most women who have hornswoggled a beta provider with tacit promises of endless hot marital sex have enough self-control and presence of mind to at least make a show of it when witnesses are present, even if that show is nothing more than a quick, pursed lip kiss followed by a rapid whole body turn to relievedly face the cameras. But I suppose when the star witness is your fat sister with a Unitardian Ministry Certificate from E-Cunts.com, no one really gives a shit that you recoil when your husband kamikazes with moist chimp lips but winds up smacking air. It’s all fun and games until he’s pulling his pud to porn six months into a sexless marriage, and contemplating suicide-by-family-court five years in.
I bet the bachelorettes all wore vintage Great Bonghits For Men T-shirts at the bitchelorette party that said ALPHA FUX, BETA BUX.
(Speaking of, you can trace the accelerating decline of America to the point in cultural history when the bachelorette party surpassed the bachelor party in significance.)
Proof, as if any more were needed, that getting a woman to marry you is not hard. What’s hard is getting a woman to love you.
The reader who sent in the pics relays the following:
fwiw i was definitively told the pictures i submitted to you were the initial pictures of the brides reaction to the kiss and any other photos were after that fact.
All right, folks. There it is. You may now return to your regularly scheduled food fight.