June 6, 2013 by CH
Imagine this on a T-shirt. You’d open so many sets wearing this because girls won’t be able to resist shit testing you about it. When they do, ask them if they want to be a member of A.S.S. — the American Spinster Society. Tell them you’re working hard to eradicate judgmentalism and loneliness from the world.
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Oddly arousing.
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That’s only because the illustration of the cat lady is more attractive than cat ladies in reality:
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2013/02/14/woman-addicted-to-licking-her-cat-eating-fur-reveals-on-tlc-show/
p.s. I’m sure that vid turned on some brothas though.
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No it aint! I think some of that swag on your hair is soaking into ya brain!!
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Really… that picture put me off my feed.
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A cat drawing put you off your feed?
litter-aly?
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Droll.
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This blog should only be about pu—-wait,no! I wont lower myself!
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Well, maybe not literally… but it did give me pause.
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See what I did there? 😉
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Yes, quite a-mew-sing.
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He was only kitt-ing.
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The quality of these puns leaves me catatonic.
I’d prefer it if the cat got your collective tongues.
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Puns this dangerous should really be considered feliny under common paw.
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Argh… catastrophic.
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Sh*t
ally not aly
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Completely off-topic, but a couple of Youtubes which caught my eye recently.
1) This beeyotch is the frigging Jane Seymour of gookettes:
http://www.youtube.com/user/aCUPofTEAwithFI
I ain’t had yellow fever like this since Michelle Yeoh’s performance in Crouching Tiger.
2) This dude has written a national phreaking anthem for the red-pill swallowing former betas of the land:
His name is Matt Hires.
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Hey Heartizziizz!! Heartsiziezz!! lzozozlozlzl check this out: http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/06/us/new-york-life-coaches-suicide/index.html?hpt=hp_t2 2 “life coaches” with radio show commit suicide together. they were “common law” married zlzozlozzzz
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Some white dude is plowing her rice paddy for sure.
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I can sit here for hours watching that yellow bitch jabbering away at that gook jibberish.
[The toddler sitting on my lap loves her, btw, and he has extremely discriminating tastes in his youtubes*.]
Anyway, some white boy needs to put about eight or ten buns in that fine-assed sideways oven.
It would be a crime against God and His natural order of things not to.
*Oh, and FUCK YOU, NATIONAL SECURITY ADMINISTRATION.
FUCK YOU.
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Anonymous–I literally laughed hard reading that. Literally.
*Oh, and SUCK IT, NATIONAL SECURITY ADMINISTRATION
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The better analogy would be to flood the rice paddy.
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+1… as Mark Twain would say, the correct word vs. the nearly correct word is the difference between the lightning and the lightning bug.
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This beeyotch is the frigging Jane Seymour of gookettes
not entirely off topic, she did actually kiss a cat in her first video.
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As a catoholic, I approve
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It’s all fun and games until they loose it and set the love nest on fire:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2337584/We-considered-role-model-Gifted-chemistry-professor-dead-cats-burnt-house-honored-memorial-service.html
Perhaps kitty was unfaithful?
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she sure knows how to eat pussy! *rimshot*
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Chicks dig themselves some tomcat.
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There’s a sweet double entendre in there somewhere about eating pussy.
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I think some older women do just give up and go their own way, in that way.
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Jerked it to this.
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That would explain your Cheshire grin.
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Meow
LOL! 😉
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Nice handle, mother. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqpGiwNtMvY
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If you think this is bad/arousing then you should see what they do with dogs…
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Is that why so many of them are getting pets?
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Female dog owners are notorious for having their pets disobey and we know how women get when something with a pulse doesnt pander to her whims…
Also dogs are a surrogate for the child they wish they had but didnt because everyone said she shouldnt. Yeah I know kinky, what some of these girls are into these days.
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I knew a girl once…
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… in band camp…
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Classic. Kitties = Aloof and uncaring. Cat ladies are just trying to recapture their youth.
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wow, just wow.
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Like attracts like.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-how-and-why-sex-differences/201101/how-womens-brains-are-calico-cats
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KUATO IS MY WINGMAN.
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Hey “heratistezzzz” zllolzzlolllzzlolzzzz xD
You MIGHT wanna check this out as an interesting example of how far gone our MSM and libtards are on INSISTING girls are VICCTTIIIIIIIIMS (Call the Whaaaambulance) even when THE GIRLS DENY BEING VICTIMS! ;D
http://www.newsday.com/news/region-state/prostitutes-in-sex-trafficking-case-life-was-good-1.5419362
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The Georges are livin’ the real American Dream.
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CH, put it on RedBubble.com! It will sell!!!
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The basic idea of these comments didn’t even cross my mind. You guys are sick!
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Well…
You have sex with someone you find repulsive
to me and a lot of people, that is sick
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And yet, you’re still here.
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This is going on a $7 t-shirt today.
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to my instagram it goes..
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Off topic.
This is apparently the same artist who did the cover to some band’s song I really liked from 2009 or 2010. It’s a good one.
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I come to Heartiste for my Furry Fetish. That’s some hot pussy.
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Are you still dating that conservative writer for Townhall? You should dump her and get a foreign girl. BTW, can you recommend a good AR-10? I’m looking at the DPMs and the Sig 716.
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I never dated a writer from Townhall, where did that come from? I’m not opposed to getting a nice Polish or Philipino girl.
Sig, LMT, Larue, Armalite, yes. Just make sure you learn which ones are compatible with which. Not all ARs in .308 are the same. Check the AR-10 specific thread on http://www.ar15.com to understand how they can differ.
DPMS, Bushmaster, NO.
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“DPMS, Bushmaster, NO.”
Absolutely agree. Those manufacturers are notorious for not building their rifles to the same standards as everyone else.
Only ignorant hicks should buy from either of those companies,
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Damn, I own one of each.
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Rock River has some good ones.
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LMT, Larue, GA Precision, or Knight Armament(KAC) are the only serious options. Anything else(Especially DPMS) and you might as well tattoo ‘Prole’ on your forehead.
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I bought an Armalite 4 years ago because they had been developing the platform the longest. However, I’d choose one of those brands at this point in time.
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Sig has really gone downhill in the last few years; I wouldn’t buy anything from them today. Armalite was a viable choice at one time but got left behind innovation-wise.
I have an 18″ OBR now, I’ll be picking up a KAC ECC to go with it later this year to round out my 7.62 SR25 pattern category..
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All backordered for 12-18 months, some of them longer.
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County-by-county map of singles ratio:
http://monogamygame.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/male-female-ratio-map/
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They should have separate maps for different races, since large numbers of black single moms is the only thing making the map look less than catastrophic for men.
Bottom line: no white American man should ever feel guilty about marrying foreign. His sisters have far more potential suitors than they know what to do with.
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Reminiscent of Suede’s debut album cover in 1993.
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That is both disturbing and laugh out loud funny.
I must have it on a shirt.
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Seriously. Someone, please market this shirt so I can buy it.
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loooooooool, wtf. So good.
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So I wanted to fuck with online dating for shits and giggles and my profile is this:
I have a 6 pack so I can lift my shirt up in the middle of my local farmers market and you can rub your hands all over my stomach. And I love to travel, listen to music and look at art. Wow we must be a match! My friends call me adventurous too, I leave the house everyday, and who would want drama and bullsh*tin their lives, not me. I only date women who can talk about Derrida, Foucault, Marx, and Bataille because intelligence is the best! I’m very passionate about voodoo I need a woman with morals in her life.
Deal breakers: If you’re sane, have a job, your BMI is right, and you actually will send me your number and meet up.
If you’re here just to give blow jobs move on!
Can I make this more intriguing?
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I would not be surprised if you got positive responses from women with such a profile
Wait a week or a month and tell us what happened
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will do
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Also make a GBFM-style profile and compare your responses.
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GBFM… English please?
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Clearly, you’re new here. Don’t worry, you’ll find out within a couple of weeks.
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yes engrixh1!!! engrish!!! engrish pleasezzllzo zlzoozo1! !Lozolzlzololzolzl
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Please! Please put up a dating profile and the link! The Universe would almost come full circle if you did!
Lozolzlzololzolzl!
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i just might do dat
but online datinzg is soooo very betasz
but here is wot my profile would say.
TITLE: LOTSAS COCKAS 4U
“my name is da gbfm of worldwide fame and renown. i don’t buttcockz cause my cockas too big and ur anus (not da planet uranus lzozzlz) is likely too small, unless u have been buttcocked many timez, in which case you have been bernnakififed and deosuled and i don’t no waannna gina cock you no more as u are proabably as a big a pain in da ass as da pain in your ass from all da buttccokingz zlzlzoozo.
my ideaz of an idealsz date is to talk about da GREAT BOOKZ FOR MENZ which menasz dat u shut up and da GBFM doesz all da talkingz cause we know womenz never read homer’s iliad nor odyssey notr bible on their own, but only vampire crap like twilight and julia prostsititute roberts book eat, prey, butthext”
even dough my last seneveenteen girlz complained dat da GBFM is soooo complicated, my ruels rulez arez simple:
bring da movbiez = lostas cokas 4u
bring no movies = no cockasz 4u
P.S. and please pelasez please i beg of you do not waste da GBFM’s precious itme. time. pleasez post up-tod-ate picture of you TODAY! do NOT post pictures of you when you were younger hotter tighter and fifty pounds lighter back in da day when you were givingz it up for free 2 all da buttccokerz in your bernkifieid dorm, and pretending dat because you were once hot da GBFM now owes u moneysz to get down on what you gave away for free before u contrtced dat STD. lzozolzolzoo
i like to travel, and we can travel togethers. i will travel form da bedroom to da couch to play grand theft autoz, while youwill travel from da bed to da kitchen to make da GBFM a morning omelelete with lotssa cheddar cheese but not form between your kness zlzlozlzlo
if u are thirty and have had ur dun and looking to “get serious,” then please get serious! da gbfm ain’t no backcup beta nor da last branch you can grab as you fall from your sexual peak in your early twentietsz which you wasted on lsostas cockas riding da cock carousleuesz.
when you comtact me please include:
how many pounds u have gained since your profile picture was taken.
how many cockasz u have taken in da buttholzizo since your profile picture was taken.
how many pounds u have *REALLY* gained since your profile picture was taken.
how many cockasz u have taken in da ginazizo since your profile picture was taken.
how many cockasz u have taken in da mouthollzizo since your profile picture was takenz.
\
da gbfm looks forwards to meetingz youz
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Nice. There’s no way to improve on that, especially when on oldsnatch.com.
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GBFM, mothfeurfcker, do you speak it?
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Another t-shirt idea!
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no, the amount of responses would crash the dating site server
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This is awesome. Srs.
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Thanks, glad someone laughed
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Derrida is brilliant – only downside, they might take you seriously
You really need to add something about cats tho
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Cats of course, how could one forget? “only downside, they might take you seriously”
Really? If a woman reads Bataille then she’s down for some extra pounding shit!
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Real solid. Fewer exclamation marks though.
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I added “If your 6ft under, then sorry move on. I need a lady whose legs I can wrap around my waist”…. and “I talk to my cat and if he will tell me if you’re a slut or not.”
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This is as OT as it gets, but how often do you get to see someone say “And of course, the antichrist IS a mother f-ing gentleman!”
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He reminds me of the other guy,Brother something,who wears the big get-up. They both have these weird head movements that seem gay.
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Brother Timothy or Gregory I think. GBFM is usually the one who posts him, he dresses like an Orthodox priest.
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Nathan, if memory serves… I also believe he is a converted YKW, which raises the red flag about, well… red herrings.
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“Brother Nathanael” – Dancing Pervert J:
Biological YKW gonna biologically YKW.
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For all the guys who fapped to the above picture, I present (SFW):
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I don’t get it.
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Perhaps that is for the best.
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I don’t get it either but I enjoyed the nice butts on these women
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solid looking turd cutters all right
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A man who is on a hallucinating drug, who finds lovely ‘women’ dancing randomly. Suddenly, as he preforms sexual intercourse with these ‘women’ to find out he was actually preforming intercourse with sheep. He is then sentenced to meet with three police officers and a dog. He is still under the effects of these drugs, so he imagines the dog as a woman, also.
Hope I cleared things up :3
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I hate when that happens.
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Brah…..BRAH……BRRRAAAHHHH. WTF is this ” :3 ” crap. CUTE EMOTICONS are only for women, or when you are a super duper alpha dickhead asshole and trying to self deprecate. come on Brah.
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SFW?
Maybe because there’s no nudity, but there’d be more dignity to being caught watching full-on porn than that weird shit.
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Hush your mouth. That shit was hilarious.
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[…] heartiste.wordpress.com […]
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Same blog on racial classification has a lot of excellent material.
>MUST< READ EVERY WORD
"Estrogenization, milk, alcohol and positive ions – everyday poisons to avoid"
http://europasoberana.blogspot.com.es/2013/05/estrogenizacion-leche-alcohol-e-iones.html
Shame it is in Spanish, but Google translate makes an acceptable work:
http://translate.googleusercontent.com/translate_c?depth=1&hl=es&ie=UTF8&prev=_t&rurl=translate.google.es&sl=es&tl=en&u=http://europasoberana.blogspot.com.es/2013/05/estrogenizacion-leche-alcohol-e-iones.html&usg=ALkJrhgNd3jidAdkTAmE5jFhCVkIrV8pKw
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Anyone thinking about marriage or the joys of being a father, check this out:
http://happybachelorsforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=1749
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Q: How do you catcall a spinster?
A: “Hey, want to buy another cat?”
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Is that for when she won’t accept booty calls?
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A: Srsly tho, ur pussy rox!
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Thread winner… if this image goes on a tee shirt, then that phrase has to be under it.
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One of my wife’s best friends is 40, and a virgin. She’s saving her virginity for the right man. One of my wife’s other friends is finally getting married to an omega, and they’re all going nuts with orgasmic bliss at getting to participate in the wedding. I totally need to make this into a T-shirt and give it to the virgin friend on the day she gets to play dress-up in that wedding travesty.
Somehow I don’t think they will find it funny, but I will. 🙂
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A 40 year old virgin woman is tragic. At least when there’s a movie about a guy being 40, there’s comedy to be derived from it. But a woman…
Even though I have respect for her not riding the cock carousel, she should change her story. “I never wanted to get married.” Because if she’s holding out for that perfect guy at 40, she’s never gonna find him.
To paraphrase…”Get busy livin’, or those eggs get busy dyin’.”
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She ended up coming over to the house today, so I printed off a copy of that drawing and had it sitting on the dining room table. Yeah, it’s cruel, but she looks like Rosie O’Donnell, and the pretentiousness of acting like she’s never been with a man because she has standards just needs holes poked in it. Give that girl a willing dick (I’ll provide the alcohol, but somebody else has to provide the dick) and watch her principles melt in a puff of cobwebs and mummy dust as her ancient scabbed over cherry finally crumbles open.
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And now we know how we got feline AIDS.
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Man, you read my thoughts.
They say human HIV was caught of chimpanzees, what about a new adapted-to-human feline strain?
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When I masturbate with cats, they’re either siamese or it’s over!
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Animal cruelty.
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Gross.
A stick figure drawing would have been funnier.
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OMG. I love my cats, but this is… disgusting is too light a word.
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Reminds me of this.
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I knew a lot of african americans were on the down low but this..
Well at least he found someone special. We should all be so lucky.
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My sister is a 45 year old spinster.
For the last 15 years she’s had a succession of male cats. They die, she gets new ones. Always male. She treats them like fucking people. But they’re animals.
Some time ago Heartiste suggested that spinsters love cats because they mimic alpha traits — aloof, indifferent, women must work hard to win their affection which can be spurned at any time.
It’s the truth. Cats are an accessible (if poor) alpha substitute for the real thing.
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… except cat ladies are not as hot as the one in the illustration. This one is busy banging 17 of her cats.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1237311/LIZ-JONES-Wish-lonely-Christmas-spare-thought-millions-women-like-me.html
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[…] The Official Spinster Logo | Chateau Heartiste […]
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In addition to “WAR” and “go fish”, the first card game I was taught as a child was called “Old Maid”. It was a special deck of 52 cards with I think, pictures of animals on them? There were 2 of a kind of each animal but only 1 “old maid”.
You picked cards from each others hand to match up the 2 of a kind in order to discard them. The goal was to get rid of all your cards. The loser was the one left with the “old maid” card.
Just incase you think its sexist, my mom bought the cards for us and my older sisters taught all of us how to play.
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Just incase you think its sexist…
Definitely the first thought that crossed our minds…
Alas, what’s the world coming to, when even thwack worries about a PC faux pas and has to include a qualifer?
lozozozlzlzozozlzlzlzozozlzlzlzlzlzozozlzlzlzl.
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Jimmy Conway: Tommy, you gonna let this fuckin’ punk get away with that? WHAT’S THE WORLD COMING TO?!!
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the quickest and easiest way for a woman to stay lonely and singlle her whole life “saying I am a feminist “
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