Reader mas00 asks,
question for CH readers.. so I TA at a college getting my masters and I sent out an email to my class and I got one back from a 6-7 in my class.
“Thanks for a fun quarter! It’s the first time I actually enjoyed going to section.
Hope to see you around!”
how can I flip this to see if she really wants to see me?
You don’t need to flip anything. Girls will rarely go out of their way to email a man such effusive praise unless there’s a sexual undercurrent. My bet is that she harbors illicit thoughts about you and her… together… under the silver moonlight.
Since you’re not a professor, I don’t believe the standard ethics codes prohibiting teacher-student affairs applies, but someone in the belly of the beast who is more informed can correct me if I’m wrong about that. A safe ROI reply would be simply providing an opportunity for her to meet you in an out-of-school or in-my-office context, and see if she bites. For example:
“I’m giving career advice to students on [X] at [X], if you’d like to stop by we can discuss further.”
Isolation is the key here. If the calculated ruse is not your thing, then just straight up segue into flirty banter.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with me.”
If she’s at all interested in seeing you again, she’ll respond to that stinky bait in a way that indicates she’d like the conversation sustained rather than curtly cut off. Plus, such an email gives you plausible deniability should any school termagants get wind of it and summon you to a tribunal. Really, given the risks, you’re best off communicating with this girl in person, instead of over email. At the least, use your personal email.
Don’t do it. It will haunt you if you go into an academic career. Don’t fish from the “Pedagogue Pier.”
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Agreed. The career advice response is good. He could also send her his personal email/phone number if she wants to meet up and further discuss x topic, or some other way that invites personal communication that gives him an easy out.
The “I’d think you were flirting with me” one is dangerous. The student hasn’t displayed anywhere near enough IOIs to risk that, and she does have the power to damage his professional reputation if she decides to cry inappropriate behavior. What people don’t realize about academia is that anything goes, but there are two iron clad rules: 1) maintain plausible deniability until game time, and 2) NO PAPER TRAIL.
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Smart academics teach outside of the feminist world. There, professors can freely boff students. There is no ethics issue except for that which the fembots invented.
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This response is abysmally, breathtakingly, uproariously, sub-humanly asinine. The only schools outside the “feminist world” are private religious colleges (like mine), and you don’t “boff’ students here, either.
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I meant outside the US and the UK. Professors in many countries, including American expats, have a smorgasbord available to them. Choosing the US, Canada or UK to have an academic career is foolish where the whole purpose of teaching (getting poon) is defeated by the feminists who simply don’t have as much power outside the english speaking world yet.
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That is not the whole purpose of teaching. A pox on your Alma Mater.
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> Grad TA: “how can I flip this to see if she really wants to see me?”
> Heartiste: “You don’t need to flip anything. Girls will rarely go out of their way to email a man such effusive praise unless there’s a sexual undercurrent.”
DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!
DANGER!!!
Were the grades officially posted BEFORE or AFTER the email was sent?
Because if the grades haven’t been officially posted yet, then these little cunts will play you for a fool in an attempt to get their grades inflated.
If the email was sent before the grades were officially posted, then it’s worse than worthless.
It only has any PUA/SMV/Romantic Interest if it was sent quite a good interval AFTER the grades were officially posted.
[In which case the poontang is already yours, dude, assuming that you’re willing to take on the very serious moral and legal hazards which accompany the diddling of a former student.]
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I don’t think most ethics codes prohibit professors from dating *students* per se, they prohibit them from dating students in their classes or sometimes in their department. At least in theory, at a large public university a professor in the biochemistry department can legally date a girl in the elementary education department or whatever.
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The first line is the ultrasafe play. You look like you’re still in TA mode, seriously promoting some lame-ass career event.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with me.”
That’s money.
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if she replies something like “maaaybe lol”, you can follow up with “well you’re in serious trouble for flirting with your TA. we’re going to have to meet at (campus bar) to discuss this further.”
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“We don’t paddle students anymore, so I have to think long and hard about how to discipline you.”
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i sort of think the “if i didn’t know any better…” out of context might sound like a warning and she’ll retreat. just my guess though
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Women are everywhere. No need to shit on your own doorstep.
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There is if he has no other 6s within sight as per 85% of men.
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No other 6s in sight? He just said he’s at a university of some sort.
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It is a part of a “perk” of handling a class’ even if you re not an actual prof– teacher figures are vag-baits walking tall– WHy not milk it??Dud?? Ya???
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There’s always risk involved given the twisted, feminazi environment that universities have become, but even though universities officially advise against teacher/student relationships, it still happens. Since you are a TA and you are no longer in a position to influence anyones grades since the quarter is over, why waste the opportunity? You’re asking for trouble if you start seeing a girl and end up as a TA in a class she’s in, but if you are professional and don’t give them obvious, preferential treatment, go for it. I think the direct approach above is best. If she’s not into you, she’ll just not reply to the email.
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No girl “hopes to see you around” unless she is interested!
She is yours for the taking, anytime that you wish. She handed herself to you on a silver platter, with her message. You didn’t have to walk up and make the first move , even.
At this point, you don’t flip, spin, or anything else. Just maintain normal alpha status, which means that you got all sorts of options. In your mind, remember that you have a line of pretty women waiting for your time.
That is the SINGLE most effective way to convey alpha status that you can have!
Act like you have a line of hot girls waiting, so you are neither desperate nor lonely. When you act that way, then SHE needs to convince YOU why she is your best choice for the evening, or even the relationships.
After all, there’s a line of woman there and they are all just as, if not more attractive, than she is.
“Why you? What do you have to offer me in a relationship?” is my thinking.
Any man who has a line of women to choose from will become VERY selective. The situation turns into one where SHE needs to prove her value to you.
This mindset works VERY well with hot girls, who are used to having men jump for them, at their slighest need. You sit there aloof, and act like you have 20 more just like her, waiting for your time.
The hot girl has no idea what to make of a man like that. She is so used to having the control over men. Suddenly, she’s unsure and off-balance and she finds herself in a unique situation, where she needs to prove her worth to a man.
I don’t care if you sleep in a dumpster and haven’t had a girl in 6 months! If you can make yourself believe that you have a line of 50 women waiting for your time. Each one eager to do whatever it takes to win your approval and affection. Then, you have all that you will ever need to suceed with any woman.
It’s all in the mindset. No man with 50 choices is desperate or needy. He simply does NOT need to be.
That’s the mindset for sucess with women.
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Great comment.
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In which case a 6 or 7 would not be interesting to him.
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You just wrote the same sentence 15 different ways. Congrats.
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“Act like you have a line of hot girls waiting, so you are neither desperate nor lonely. When you act that way, then SHE needs to convince YOU why she is your best choice for the evening, or even the relationships.”
Word up. Except in my case there’s about 6 terabytes of pron waiting at home, so who cares about boring, soul-sucking relationships with womenses?
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My understanding is that the policies vary from university to university. Is there any way to find out what your university’s specific rules are without tipping your hand (e.g., asking somebody and possibly winding up on the administration’s radar)?
Whatever you discover, do be careful. Never underestimate an undergrad’s capacity for treachery. When I was in college, I took a class that sounded, on the surface, as if it would be a “gut” course. It wasn’t. The course was actually an extremely rigorous 300-level, and the professor refused to grade-inflate or grade on a curve–a fact he made abundantly clear in the first session.
Naturally, the dumb sorostitute who usually sat next to me hadn’t attended the first class. So she was shocked, shocked! when her first paper came back with a C. She went to the professor’s office hours, not to ask if she could re-do the paper, but to demand that he simply change the grade to an A. (After all, as she whispered to me smugly later, her high-school teacher said she was “very gifted!”) When he refused, she tromped down to the Admin building and accused the prof of sexual harassment. Because she’d “caught him looking at her legs.”
She dropped the class shortly thereafter, and he’s still there, so as far as I know little Entitlement Princess’ ploy didn’t work. But it goes to show how some young women think…and the risks you might be running.
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She should have asked him to let her rewrite the paper, and been willing to do more than just let him look at her legs. That would have been her best chance, although a C isn’t so bad.
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The problem was that the professor was a beta who wouldn’t have known the complex game required to pull that kind of deal off.
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Agreed. As CH is fond of saying, women hate hate hate beta males. If the prof was alpha she would have been a little, uh, nicer.
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A C wasn’t bad in his class. As he’d explained, a “C” was for average work. A “B” was for better-than-average, and an “A” was exceptional. Asking if she could have rewritten the paper would have been the way to go–it was what I’d advised her to do when she was bitching about her “C.” No need to go the T&A for C to A route…
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Don’t do it. It will haunt you if you go into an academic career. Don’t fish from the “Pedagogue Pier.”
I will respectfully disagree. I spent many years “dipping” in the airline flying well. It was good indeed, and, given the shit-box world we live in today, I refuse to let anyone get in the way of my life. I love sex and women more than I gave a rats ass about a flying career that last only as long as some incompetent, ass-wipe CEO drives it into bankruptcy. Live now men and damn the torpedos. I assure you, you will not regret anything (other than missing a few more opportunities) and when you are in your early retirement years, the glow of a life well lived will rush over you like few others know. Plus, your skills in the “dark arts” will still be nice and sharp.
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Most of the “omg don’t do it!” messages are from dudes who don’t quite get that women hate hate hate beta males, and love love love alphas. The biggest danger is not boffing the girls, but boffing the girls — or attempting to boff the girls — and spraying the stench of beta all over them.
To CYA, again, no e-mail or flirtation during the semester — tell her to give you her number and call her after you’re no longer her TA.
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No, I think most of the “omg don’t do it!” messages are from people in academia who have seen these situations turn ugly before. His best reply would be something like “Let’s meet up and discuss (academic topic) or (common professional interest)” and save the flirting for real life if he gets IOIs then. The “are you flirting with me?” email response is playing with fire. Like it or not, he’s early in his career and she does have the power to damage his professional reputation.
People don’t realize that beneath the feminist-driven “official policy”, anything goes in academia. And one of the perks of being a man in that environment is getting your pick of adoring young women. But there are a few iron-clad rules: 1) Always maintain plausible deniability until things turn explicitly sexual, and 2) NO PAPER TRAIL.
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I think the nuance is ‘don’t do it for a 6-7.’
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Charlie Sheen, uber alpha
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2013/06/14/charlie-sheen-sends-farrah-abraham-harsh-rejection-letter-youre-desperate/
“I truly do not recall giving you permission to globally reveal any communication between us,” Sheen wrote, according to TMZ. “congrats on surviving your lobotomy and an even bigger congratz on the recent attempt at porn. your daughter must be so proud. please send my number to middle earth and if allowed, eagerly follow it into said abyss and slam the door behind you. the world will collectively sigh as the pungent memory of you vanishes into the pedestrian troposphere of lame-suck and zero-life.”
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Holy guck she’s a 10+++
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A soft 7 in my estimation, though she loses about a point for her porn career.
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As a retired professor, I would tell the TA to runaway as fast as he can, and don’t look back.
Once upon a time, a liaison between a faculty member (TAs are faculty) and a student was frowned upon but not actionable as long as there was no student/teacher relationship.
At nearly all schools, that is no longer the case, and a big deep trench between faculty and students is vigorously defended by all Administrations. Also bear in mind, that if the relationship fails unhappily, you are liable to rape charges. Even if she doesn’t charge you, the Administration will do something to ruin your career if it learns of your relationship just because you had a relationship.
If you have any hope of an academic career, run.
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Is this really true? I’m going to be a professor eventually, hopefully, and I would hope that students at my institution wouldn’t be off limits as long as I wasn’t actually teaching them. (I’m hoping to do the absolute minimum when it comes to teaching, my interest is in research).
Most of the schools I know about have the rule that you can’t date anyone where a supervisory relationship exists, but outside your classes or your department is fine.
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At any rank the admin will be annoyed you’re putting the institution at legal risk. Academia is a small world.
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This is the policy at my institution:
“It is, therefore, the policy of XXX XXX University that each faculty member, graduate teaching assistant and other University employee who has educational responsibilities for students shall not assume or maintain educational responsibility for a student with whom the faculty member, graduate teaching assistant or other employee has engaged in amorous or sexual relations, even if such relations were consensual. Whether such amorous or sexual relationships predate the assumption of educational responsibility for the student, or arise out of the educational relationship, the faculty member, graduate teaching assistant or other employee shall immediately disclose the amorous or sexual relationship to the relevant unit administrator, who shall promptly arrange other oversight for the student.”
So, theoretically, it’s permitted as long as they aren’t in your class.
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He can proceed if he likes her enough. I saw several grad assistants (guys, usually) dating other grad assistants and/or students.
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She’s a fucking 6-7. There are 100 of her at any given bar tonight and 100 different hers out at that same bar tomorrow night. And next weekend. And the weeked after that.
Don’t shit where you eat. Don’t risk your academic reputation for a 6. The only reason you’re even considering it is because you don’t go out so you’re trapped in a scarcity mentality where you have to take the scraps the universe tosses you.
Go the fuck out instead.
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Yeah! What YaReally said!
Act (and O.T. cook http://thugkitchen.com/ ) like you have some balls TA.
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srsly
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What is all this “Don’t shit where you eat” shit?
The correct expression is: Don’t make your bed where you make your bread.
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Don’t get your honey where you get your money.
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Dont get your gash where you get your cash!
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you’re right.. thanks for the kick in the ass
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So many people consider me a failure, including myself, for not banging any of my students. I even had therapists tell me I should look into it for romantic release. Unfortunately other than my awful game, there are two reasons for not going that way:
1. Grade inflation and easy course work leads co-eds not to seek their way to “sleep” for a high or passing grade.
2. One fumble will lead to the “sexual harassment” charge and end of a career path.
Even when good looking students would return and praise me for being a good instructor, I’ve had these thoughts in the back of my head.
Of course if you are a woman, please ignore the above. Enjoy your birthright as an aging flower and enjoy the seed of the lacrosse player asleep in the back of your 19th Century English Lit lecture.
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Birthright as aging flower? Poetic. Sounds almost like ch. Do you teach this english lit class students sleep through?
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So the operators of the Panopticon don’t find me, let’s say I teach something to do with my SN, or I teach Gay Latino Left-Handed Studies at a Big Ten University. But, thanks for the compliment.
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He needs a disclaimer if he is going to contact her on his personal email. Access to information requests can be made against your personal email if you use it for professional purposes. A simple “Here’s my personal email for discussing personal things.”
Personal email = Off the record! = She bites!
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Nah. I don’t want to get you pregnant
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I’m in that situation.
Just before the end of the semester, I did the “put your number in my phone” routine to several girls, including two that I was the TA for who were giving me hardcore IOIs. I refrained from actually calling until after the semester was over and the grades came in.
No problem, except for the fact that they’re not around during the summer.
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Also, I should mention that it was blatantly obvious that the girls were hanging around the computer lab hoping I’d pick them up. First of all, they generally dramatically reduced their visits after I did get their numbers. Also, one of the girls I was TA for kept asking me questions about the final project and seemed to be having a tough time, but after I got her number, everything mysteriously fell together.
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Corvinus has the right idea. It IS possible to navigate this, but A. don’t be too thirsty or need, B. timing is everything, you may have to be patient, and C, there are always ways to skirt (heh) the rules.
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@OP: Or you could just crack open your copy of the word of our Prophet, GBFM,
Chapter 3, Verse 16, Canto 1.9: ( https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/05/31/the-best-all-purpose-alpha-male-text-response/#comment-444009 )
“And Lo, da gbfm doth sendeth out yon mass text 2 all his’n ladybuttz:
‘lotsa cocksa 4 u lzozlzlz.’ ”
-So sayeth The GBFM, On Earth as it is in Heaven, Amen.
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The “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were flirting with me” line IS money, but that doesn’t matter. It’s WRITTEN. Whatever your relationship turns into, she will have it forever on record to use it against you if things don’t work out the way she wants them to. That way, no one can go Ken Starr on you once all is said and done. “What did you mean when you sent the defendant this message at 2:38 AM, ‘See you soon, winky-face?'” Plausible deniability- it’s our friend.
Get off the paper trail. No emails, no texts. Call her and tell her to meet you. Take it from there, teach.
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Oh, Gods, no. Do not use your personal email either, bra. If anyone anywhere decides after the fact that your conduct made her feel uncomfutabow, she’ll have copies of your emails, and then your ass is grass and The Cathedral is the lawnmower. Women have zero grace about this stuff. So do everything by phone or in person so that there’s no paper trail, virtual or otherwise.
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Cosign. NO E-MAIL. Getting her phone number in meatspace, and waiting until after grades are posted before actually using it, doesn’t leave any kind of trail for her.
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Right. No e-mail. Talk in person only. Wait until she’s not taking your class before doing anything but a coffee date and tell her not to take your class next semester.
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I know of a professor who had many student flings. (I was on a student-faculty court as an undergrad.). He had each sign a release document stating “she was dating voluntarily and without coercion”. A few girls, as well as their “friends” complained. Professor showed up to answer administration’s questions with his lawyer and these waivers. The investigation went nowhere.
I do not know the exact language, but a labor lawyer should be able to draft one.
Google sexual harassment waiver for example.
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That was Then, and This is Hell. I can’t even whack it on my student’s tits if they beg me in Swahili. Sex is wrong, her freedom means nothing compared to the anger of the fembots.
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A buddy of mine TA’d for sciences in grad school at a big public university. Lots of pre-med hotties in those classes. He’s a charming and good-looking guy plus he was in an authority position (“power is the ultimate aphrodisiac”). He got laid in spades.
Remember the SNL skit with Tom Brady on tips for avoiding sexual harassment charges in the workplace — “Be handsome.”
Sure there’s risk, but good game should mitigate it. Watch out for the crazies.
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Yes crazy screen using history. Anyone that complains of:
1) Evil guys in general
2) Any particular “crazy” or “stalker” guy.
3) Any complaints about her father….
Ask them to revive the SST and flee to Zambia.
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1. that’s awesome
2. really good boob grab he gave the first one. look closely
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As a TA I’m under the strict rules of the Universities policy, that being said she emailed me form her person email.
The play by play:
Me: Was that because you enjoyed me or
arguing with your classmates haha?
If you’re around during the summer let me know,
and you will see me!
Her: I’ll be here after July 4th. I’m going to Europe next week. And mostly because that one guy told me I had no imagination.
Me: don’t listen to little boys I thought you knew that by now. give me your number I need to ask you something…
Got the number, I told her to go see my friends in spain but same day she flew out of town but will meet when she gets back.. She’s a HB 7 maybe 21, big tits no ass (unfortunately not my style).
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Some years ago, I was a visiting professor at a prestigious university in South America. Being a blond-blue American was already a huge advantage in that country, but being a professor was the extra catnip that drove the girlies crazy. One of my most fervent pursuers (a student) become a famous model and is now married to a film director in Los Angeles. I never did anything unbecoming or compromising, but man, what an ego trip that was.
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Mostly OT – But is it strange that I found the classroom (as a student myself) the best place for picking up chicks? I always found myself “dominating” the class without really trying which was something that did not come naturally in other situations like parties, bars, work, etc… Chicks I didn’t even notice would hit on me and such.
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I’ve known lots of girls who got involved with their TAs… heh…
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and…. please shed some light
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The policy where I went to grad school was that you could do whatever you wanted as long as you weren’t responsible for grading her.
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Happy Father’s Day to the fathers in the readership. Thank you to those who have become virtual brothers. I owe much to the many people I have met here for all the insight you have shared and the advise you have given. Thank you so much and may you have a wonderful day 🙂
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As a STEM professor I’ve been pondering this post and the comments for a few days now. My take is: first, do not get into relationships with traditional undergrad students; it’s just not worth it. That said, since learning game I’ve had a terrific time applying game principles to the students in my classes. You have to be careful but just a little basic relationship game works wonders, especially since most professors are pure beta; among the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Since doing so my students (both male and female) are more respectful, more attentive, do better work, and give me great evals. Plus, I have more fun teaching than ever before. Game works.
On the other hand, my night classes often have working adults going back to school. Many are single; some are interested. Once they’re done with my class…
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Groom them for post-graduation fun. Once the diploma is in hand all’s fair.
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