A concerned reader with self-confidence issues writes,
Background – I became game-aware around a year ago, currently seeing this Asian chick for the last 4 months, exclusive for the last 2. To be frank, she’s out of my league – she’s a 7, 8 on a good day, works as a doctor and very feminine. I’m a 5-6 with a blue-collar office job although there’s lots of potential for growth. She pretty much does everything I want, cooks, cleans, strips naked and blows me without even asking, so on and so forth.
She recently told me about a guy from work (another doctor, to be fair he’s good-looking 8ish) who’s been hitting on her (verified from a 3rd party), he asked her out, she told him about me and declined but nevertheless he’s continuing to push his luck. Now she’s declined him 3 or 4 times now but he doesn’t get the message, a few questions:
Is her telling me about this a sign that she’s got nothing to hide from me, or an attempt to make me jealous?
When she first brought it up it did bother me but I acted nonchalant and gave her tips for flirting with guys. How should I act towards her if she brings this up again?
I’ll be at a party with her in a couple of weeks and he’ll be there, if he starts hitting on her in my presence, what is the appropriate response?
There are three reasons a woman you are banging would tell you about other men expressing interest in her:
1. DRAMA. Like all women, she enjoys periodic injections of relationship drama, and will manufacture that drama herself if none is forthcoming. This female-centric need for scene will be felt more acutely if she holds a subconscious suspicion that she can do better than you. The greater the perceived SMV (sexual market value) differential, the more she will create drama or welcome drama when it’s available free of charge.
Your waifu lover may be stirring the acid brine of jealousy to gauge your response for its alphaness. If this is the case, your first response was a good one. You brushed it off with a precision-guided Agree & Amplify tingle bomb. I would continue with this strategy until it becomes obvious that she’s no longer semi-kidding, at which point you turn steely-eyed on a dime and tell her “You’re making yourself look really unattractive to me right now. You sure you want to keep going like this?”
2. FISHING FOR REASSURANCE. If your girlfriend’s SMV is lower than yours, she may engage in feeble jealousy tactics as a means of enticing you to reassure her of her sexual worth. She figures if she can embed even a tiny seed of doubt in your mind about her desirability on the open market and her willingness to exercise her options, you will react by offering her higher quality signals of commitment. This does not sound like the motivation of your girlfriend, if your SMV assessments are accurate.
3. GUILT RELIEF. This motive is the worst of the three, because it forecloses any possibility of saving the relationship without sacrificing your manly dignity. (That is, you can go along to get along, but she’ll always hold it against you.) A woman who is thinking about cheating, or who is in fact already cheating, will, if this is her frame of mind, release to you a sanitized and redacted dossier of her secret lover and their private tryst, with the hope that by talking with you about her affair (or wished-for-affair) in however tangential a manner, (say, by “casually” informing you of this other guy who keeps hitting on her), her guilt will be alleviated.
The whole charade is, of course, on giant hamster rationalization that serves as a psychological emollient and accountability scrubber which removes from her any agency for her actions. Having thus dropped these “obvious clues” (as she will come to believe her manipulative utterances), she can then rationalize to herself that you “must know” what’s going on, she practically told you everything, so therefore she’s not really hiding anything from you. You simply choose to be passive about it.
My guess, from the facts you tell us, is that, unfortunately, #3 is operational. Asian chicks are more materially status conscious than white chicks, so the discreet attentions of a fellow doctor will mean more to the Asian girl, even if you are a stone cold alpha at home with her. But I’m not ready to commit to this judgment. It could also be that she gets grief from her family for being with you instead of a doctor/lawyer/hedge funder, and this is her way of working out her resentment of her family’s expectations.
Go to the party, watch their interaction closely (but from a plausibly disinterested distance). While they’re talking, look and listen for those tells that all women have when they are getting slammed on the side — the twinkling eyes, the hair self-tousling, the lip licking, the stream of questioning, the dangling shoe heel, the heaving bosom (adjusted to Asian specifications), the unbroken eye contact — and add it all up at the end of the night.
That last tell, the unbroken eye contact, is a dead giveaway when you are part of a three-way conversation with her and the presumed lover. Ask her a question, and watch to see if her eyes gravitate to yours, and if her eyes flit back to him as she is responding to you. Remember that, unlike for most men, it’s very difficult for the typical woman to manage two lovers in her life simultaneously. If she’s in a heated situation with both lovers present, she will reveal, primarily through body cues, a natural tendency to want to “shut out” one of the lovers from the dynamic. Breaking eye contact is a powerful cue that a shutting out is in progress.
Should your suspicions be suitably confirmed, plan your dignified escape, if necessary. Or continue to use her as a cum receptacle until such time that your feigned ignorance of her infidelity isn’t any longer tenable.
It should go without saying that all of this, the entire party scenario, should happen while you are flirting with other women there, under the fiery gaze of your consternated girlfriend. If you will play this dangerous game of furtive liaisons, silent accusations, and re-accusations, you don’t enter the battlefield unarmed, at the mercy of your conniving lover. You must have some hand, and the fastest way to get hand is to burnish the attention of other women.
Should something truly magnificent develop, like doctorboy blatantly hits on your girl within your ear- and eyeshot, then more forceful action is called for, whether direct or indirect confrontation. If indirect, let the indiscreet moment pass, then corner him in private and menacingly ask him if hitting on taken women is part of his Hippocratic Oath. If direct, smile widely, approach, and ask him if he’s ready to buy you a drink too, since you come as a package deal with your girlfriend.
Most doctors are pussies, so this tactic should sufficiently cow him. Bonus: Waifu will be swinging from the chandelier to impale herself on you later that night.
Found and then lost to the interminable friendzone, a reader wants to know how to bring a hot babe back into the labial unfolding,
As a loyal reader of your blog I am looking for some advice. I’d appreciate your time since this is a matter of great importance for me.
I am 37 years old but most people guess 29-30. I am a bit overweight but not in an untrained ugly way (I used to train a lot before).
I would guess that women’s impression of me is a cocky funny teddy bear with some sex appeal and with some alphaness in the mix. I have my own business and make good money.
There is this girl, 21 years old, a solid 10 with tall lean body, silicon tits and green eyes.. Her older brother is a friend of mine (not so close though). Her ex bf (he was 28 and she was 17 when they hooked up) is my brother’s wife’s cousin (not that I care, but she does).
I have known her for 3-4 years but never gave her any attention at all. She told me recently that she always thought of me as a cool guy.
About 2 months ago, me, her, and a bunch of friends spent holidays in a cabin, and for some reason it clicked between us. We started dating in secret (because of the ties) and the secrecy was very important for her (afraid of bad reputation).
We had a great time for 1 month, with great sex every night at my place. I made sure she came every time and she told me she had the best sex of her life with me.
Usually my game is very solid. The girls I fuck are always really good looking. But this one is so beautiful that I just lost the game and became total beta around her.
This of course led to her being cocky and acting really badly. Also the pressure of her being constant worried that our friends would find out was a burden. I also moved in with 2 friends so after that she did not sleep over at all because of the secret thing.
So after 2 weeks of turbulence and constant fighting where I was a total betaidiot and lost my temper and calm (I mean I fucked up about every point of the sixteen commandment of poon, and I tell you, my game is super solid normally) she told me she felt more like we were friends and didn’t want to have sex anymore.
It was a wake-up call and I told her that I felt the same way because of her bad behavior in recent weeks but we could hang out. She was really glad since she was worried that I would not want to see her more.
Last Saturday was my birthday. The plan was originally for us to be 5 guys with 5 girls and she would sleep over. But after the “talk” I invited 10 more girls, amongst them 2 girls she knows I’d like to fuck and 1 she knows I fucked a week before I hooked up with her.
All night I gave my other girls a lot of attention and in the club I hang out with my last fuck. She told my friend something about how i did not give her any attention and ran after my other girls.
She went home around three after being super annoyed all night, and I took home my last fuck and fucked her all night.
The day after she came by and hung out with me and my 2 flatmates, ate some pizza and watched a movie, behaving much better than she had been for weeks.
I was friendly to her, but kept my distance and in the middle of the movie excused myself to go to sleep. At that time she also went home.
So, my question is obviously how to get back inside the panties again.
A friend with strong game told me I should not see her as friends at all, at least 2 weeks in order for her to miss me. Then I should see her alone and try to pick her up again. He told me that if we hang out as friends, then that will be the case and never go back to passion.
I could also hang with her as friends, but be nonchalant and try to game my way back. The friend that she spoke to all night at the club told me that he picked up jealousy and that she still had strong feelings for me. He could be wrong though.
Please give me the blueprint here and I promise that I will keep my game even after getting her back.
I will make a sizable donation the next day after I have her in my bed again.
Keep up the good work and please let me know as soon as possible since I am a bit lost here.
Fuck that was long. The attitude you should have is described here. Keep a friendly distance, but be sure to keep a distance. Don’t act resentful about it. The few times you see her, act like a casual friend who never had any sex with her, and never intends to. This ambiguity is what really fucks with a woman’s self-percevied value, and she will respond, if she is like most women, by thinking about you in a sexual way again. Your friend is right. You need at least two weeks of total radio silence before you even think about speaking to her, or being around her. Turn off your phone, so that if she texts you, you won’t get them right away, and you’ll reply hours or even days later.
Two to three weeks, then reengage. And by reengage, I mean game her as if it’s the very first time. Pretend like you don’t have a history with her. If she brings it up, go full-bore cocky. Playfully accuse her of ruining the mood. Ask her when she became such a downer. The trick there is that what you say doesn’t even have to logically proceed from her assumption of your history together. She says, “I thought you just wanted to be friends?”, and you say, “Have you always been a total buzzkill?” Physically escalate like your memory has been wiped clean and she’s just some new chick to you with whom there’s no unsavory LJBF past. I call this Memento Game.
A reader asks about Older Man Game (OMG!),
Would love to see an article or articles about Game for older men – both married and divorced/separated. I realize now I have been a complete and total beta/white-knight for my entire adult life. I finally realized it at the ripe old age of 59 when I started reading the Manosphere such as this site. Some of my past beta behavior now makes me cringe when I think of it.
Now at 60, am I too old to get Game? (I’d say I look 45, in good shape, with hair, and successful.) Do I assume that it is too late for me and accept my fate? What age range should we be looking for and where should I meet them? I certainly don’t want to be one of those sad old dudes hanging around clubs trying to chat up 20-somethings. If you feel like tackling the subject of Game for older men I am sure many others besides me would appreciate it.
Simple answer to your question, in the form of a Socratic question: Are you too old to lift? To learn? To live? No? Then you’re not too old to get game.
First things first. At 60, no matter how tight your game, it will be tougher to pull 20 year old babes than if you were 30, or even 40. But game, like most self-improvement endeavors, doesn’t work that way. It’s not an either-or proposition. “Either I get 20 year olds, or I’m stuck with gross 60 year old women.” No, it’s a *better* proposition. With game, you can do better than most 60 year old men and reasonably shoot for women 15 to 20 years younger than yourself. Now a 40 year old woman might not be a spring chicken, but she’s a hell of a lot more bangable than she will be when she’s 60. Unless you’re into GILF porn. yeech.
There are plenty of posts in the archives devoted to older man game. Here’s one of them. My immediate suggestion: Clubs are out, except for speakeasies that cater to an older crowd. I happen to know a few older, and in-shape, gents who met their much younger girlfriends at various athletic events. Try to corner a market where your status and knowledge and experience are valued more than your rapidly degrading fast-twitch muscle fibers and drinking ability. Conventions, art expos, socialite parties, business seminars, etc. If you’re a boss, you should consider the secretary route. It’s a tried and true method that drives feminists batty.
A reader naively asks,
How long can I deny my wife sex before she’ll cheat on me?
A long time if she’s ugly. Isn’t that the reason you’re denying her sex in the first place?