Reader Mailbag: All Pull And No Push Makes Jack A Dull Boy

Letters of inquiry to the Chateau mailroom have begun spilling into the arched hallway, so today’s post is an effort to relieve the backup.

Email #1

Jaap writes,

Just a suggestion: maybe it would be nice to write something more about text gaming but not about contents… There’s a lot more to it:
– when to respond
– reaction time…
– being online but not responding while she is apping (making her jealous)…
– cutting of conversation suddenly saying: sorry..got to go..
– being unavailable…

etc etc….  There’s a lot of interesting strategies..

I’m sure the archives are loaded with the info you want, but to recap text game basics:
– Make it a habit to wait longer to reply to the girl than the time she takes to reply to you. Generally, this rule becomes more flexible the longer you’re seeing the girl. Don’t feel bad about texting the next day, either.
– Reaction time… see above. The faster you react, the more invested you appear. Ever see a silverback gorilla in the wild? They move like sloths. It takes a lot to get them going.
– Online cold shouldering can be useful as a pre-lubing game tactic. I wouldn’t advise total silence; that could be misconstrued as butthurtness. Drop concatenated chats every so often, like “?”, “yerp”, “heyo” or “lol” so it appears less like you’re studiously ignoring her and more like you’re busy with others and can’t spare the effort to flesh out a fuller convo with her.
– Cut-offs are effective. If you’re around alpha males, you’ll notice they excel in the art of the curt escape. Leave the excessively polite, long-winded goodbyes to the women and the betas.
– What’s there to say? It helps your cause to be occasionally unavailable. Make up a reason if you don’t have one. The object is to enhance your mate value through signals of unattainability and social validation.

Email #2

fakeemail writes with concern in his voice,

My gf just got laid off.  I hid my glee.  This is to my advantage right?  The more desperate and empty the chick, the better I look.  Is this accurate?  Do you want a gf or wife who works or who stays at home?

One unsavory rule of biomechanics is that women become more loving and clingy in direct proportion to their powerlessness. This is because they are both more reliant on their man in such conditions, and because the working man looks more dominant and alpha in comparison.

It may not be good for the shared bottom line, but an out-of-work girlfriend is a down-to-fuck lover. But this love potion #9 has an expiration date; chronic idleness will leave her with too much time to craft plans. Unhappiness and resentment and daydreaming will compete with her love if she’s childless and a Type A who has to be on the go go go. So hide your glee, profess facetious support, and enjoy the deluge of blowjobs until you notice an uptick in bitchiness, at which time you help polish her resume or you knock her up. Or, you return to living separately and indulge doctor feelgood house calls.

Part 2,

What do you do when your gf finds out that you’re a “racist”?

I outed myself by expressing displeasure with black people (contextual situation) and she wasn’t having it.  Should I lie and say I’m not a “racist” or just fuck-it and N-word her up?

Is she black? That could be some hot, raunchy hate sex. Slip in a “massa” and a “chocolate wench” and report back to us with the Penthouse Forum deets.

Otherwise, all you have to remember is the NO APOLOGY rule. Did you mean every word you said? Then own it. An apology is basically a self-betrayal, and no woman, however “anti-racist”, respects that.

Email #3

Finguy praises,

Just wanted to thank you about this site with all these great advises. I live in Finland and it seems that girls here function similar way than in US. I had lots of relationship issues(me acting too beta) but after reading Chateau and MMSL in one year my relationship has turned from terrible to great. I just stopped trying to please her and acting more selfish(+ confronting her always if she got too annoying). Now i feel im in charge here and girl is also happier. Women just want men to lead, thou they will never admit that… Keep up doing good work!

From Beta to Alpha, in 4 Easy Steps:
1. Stop appeasing.
2. Be more selfish.
3. Call her out.
4. Be in charge.

You won’t see this message of hope on a Hallmark card or jammed in a Lifetime TV show. You need to go elsewhere.

Email #4

A married man wants to reward his fidelity with an office mistress,

I’m 48 and very happily married. I look younger than I am, I’m fit, and I dress well. I started a new job close to a year ago. Right away, a 36 year old female co-worker I work with every day started giving little indicators of interest in me. For example, she showed up in the eating area of the office pretty much every time I would go there for a snack or coffee. She knew I was there because we sit nearby and she can see me get up. So we chatted a lot, but I had no game, and she was definitely merely ambivalent about me, while my interest in her just kept, uh, growing. I proposed various lunches, and she accepted only one of them. Lunch was OK, but a bit awkward. I’ve had no physical contact with her except “accidental” touches, which I have both given and received. I have a higher status than her at work, and I expect her initial attraction to me was just basic hypergamy.

My wife now knows her from office events, and the two of them got along well in their brief interactions, strangely. My wife was hotter at the same age, and I still find my wife very attractive because she keeps herself in great shape. I told my wife that I’m really into this woman, which you would think is a beta move, but after an initial “I’ll kill you both” comment, my wife actually seemed to like me more and our sex rate increased. Inadvertent dread game I suppose, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Eventually I was alone with this woman when we were both rather drunk walking out of a bar after an evening’s outing with co-workers. On that walk, I just couldn’t restrain myself and started blathering about how I was obsessed with her and didn’t know what to do, and that I had even told my wife about all this.

The devil’s tears!

Major beta move, and it made things much worse with my co-worker. I could feel her contempt for me at work every day after that, and of course instead of deliberately “happening” to meet me in the snack area, she would deliberately avoid being wherever I was.

Then I discovered your site, and realized that what she wants is not a man who is obsessed with her, but a man with self-control who could take or leave her because he has other options. So I stopped paying attention to her entirely, even turning my back on her in group situations. Bingo. I could sense a sudden insecurity in her where before there was just contempt. The indicators of interest came back, including hair twirling when talking to me now. She invited me to a party she was throwing at a bar recently, and I went to it, which was probably a mistake. I got very drunk at the party, another mistake I know, but I exhibited definite alpha behavior there, going behind the bar to steal drinks, patting her on the head in a condescending way, and even stealing her own drink from in front of her and drinking it.

The devil’s testosterone!

I got no reaction at all to this behavior though, and she actually left the party briefly and went for a walk around the block with the new guy in the office, who was pestering her for a walk. When she sent out the party invitation, she said that anyone too drunk to get home could sleep at her place, but when I said I needed a place to sleep, she said there wasn’t room. A definite rejection.

Yes, I’m a douche because I have a loving and good-looking wife already, but I’d give my right hand and a sizable donation to CH if I could get a 10-minute makeout session with this woman. I’ve tried to just suppress my desire for her, but I fail because I see her finely sculpted ass every day at work. Advice?

Additional info: this woman is single, having broken up with her long-time boyfriend a few months after I started working with her. So she was flirting with me before she broke up with him.

Also, she does not report to me. So there are no HR issues, though it’s generally a bad idea to be involved with a woman at work.

You’re working at a distinct disadvantage. One, you confessed in a blubbery beta moment of weakness your horny level. Two, you’re married. Now granted there are a lot of women who are turned on by married men and actively chase them for illicit affairs, but some, perhaps by dint of having previously traveled the ho road to hell, don’t want anything to do with taken men, and will dial down their desire if they discover a man is beholden.

So what does she have? She has your validation. She has your attention. Where’s the challenge that married men are supposed to effuse naturally? You surrendered it at Assomattox. (I mean, offering to sleep at her place? If that isn’t desperation, what is?)

Your addendum is informative. She was on the rocks with a BF, and a married man (you) is the perfect foil to boost her flagging ego. To catch the eye of a married man is a thrill for women. She led you on, and you, by your own account, happily slipped the leash over your neck.

Too much pull, that’s your problem. You needed to push her away more. To qualify her. To bust on her for chasing married men. To ASSUME THE SALE. I don’t know if it’s salvageable; the well of her womb may be too poisoned for fresh water to flow again for you. Try teasing her to stop dressing like a grandma the next time you see her at the office kitchen, it’s ruining company morale. Do it with a smile, because there’s too much history that could redound against any incipient positive perception she might have of your emotional state or motivation. A strong asshole vibe coupled with a gradual unavailability is your only hope.

Email #5

This reader needs help with an OkCupid chat,

Was curious of your response advice in the OkCupid thread I have pasted below (let me know if you did not receive).

Me:  31, 5’10, relatively good looking but certainly no Brad Pitt

Her:  24, 5’1, femme fatale type, ridiculous petite body, easily a 9, claims to be bisexual and a stripper.

We’re gonna need a bigger asshole.

I messaged first, referencing a line in her profile that “at times I dress like a twelve year old boy; at others I dress like a movie star,” obviously assuming the sale and going with a qualification frame from there.  She seems to be having none of it.

Here are the responses I was thinking of sending a few days from now, aimed at conveying aloofness and outcome-independence.

1.  No response.  Just walk away.
2.  “K!”
3.  “Sounds good!”
4.  “Gay.”
5.  “That response makes no sense, but whatever!”

Anything better you can devise would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks.

Here is a screenie of the reader’s chat:

As I suspected, you oversold yourself. You assume the sale; you don’t bludgeon her with your product. Newbs to game often come across ham-fisted, because they learn a new tactic and then beat it to death.

After she wrote “what makes you think there will be a first date?”, you had an opportunity to terse it up and redirect the chat to something more fruitful. For instance:

“telepathy. it’s all the rage.”
or
“my huge ego”
or
“this magic 8 ball I just bought”

You get the idea. The time was ripe for humor, not more heavy insistence on your date-ability.

Anyhow, it doesn’t seem like you had any attraction at all, so when you dropped the presumed date bomb, she just gawked at it, getting irritated. So her last reply is not surprising:

“that’s fair. let me know how that goes for you”

A cunty response, but not unusual from ingenues who claim to be strippers and bi. They have radars exquisitely attuned to even the slightest odor of try-hard, and you pinged it.

If I got a send-off like that, I would be too turned off to bother with her anymore. Walk away. But if you want to keep gaming her, a decent reply would be:

“If you insist.”

And then no matter how she replies, don’t respond for another couple of days.

Report back to the CH Council on Furrow Relations with the latest.