Shit tests, like boobs, come in all shapes and sizes. But, also like boobs, shit tests all share a basic structure. You won’t ever confuse a boob for a foot, for instance. Similarly, you won’t confuse a shit test for loving affection.
Continuing with the CH series of posts compiling the likely shit tests men will hear often from women into a convenient playabase, a reader offers his noteworthy additions. Editorial comment added at will.
Good day
I wanted to share with you some of the shit tests Ive received lately from women and my effective responses I must add have been very successful.
Are you a player?
Yeah I play alot of guitar, mostly pink floyd, but i like guns’n roses as well. Do you play any instruments ?
This is cutesy. Nothing wrong with that, it can work, but I prefer a more direct, and cockier, angle of approach to this particular shit test, e.g., “Like McDonald’s, billions served.”
Where are all your friends?
Come on sweetie lets grab some drinks and sit over there
or
Didnt know you were that lonely
The second one is decent. That can be reworded many ways. “Why, are you going to steal them?”
Does this work on every girl?
Not the unattractive ones *
or
What is it you are getting your head to believe that im trying to do?
“Only on the cute ones” is better. Your second reply is meh. It sounds a little defensive.
Why dont you buy me a drink?
Are you broke? Aww you poor thing!
or
Why dont you buy me one and I will buy the next roundWhat is that youre wearing?
This is called clothes, you are wearing them too, youre not the brightest knife in the box are you?
If she follow up with; I mean why are you wearing those clothes? Look away across the room while you make one heavy sigh
The impatient lookaway punctuated by the heavy sigh is a great, all-round shit test nuke.
Why are you so cocky?
Hey if you are so much into cocks I know a better place we can continue this conversation
Be careful with this one. It could blow up in your face if the girl is still qualifying you.
Are you gay?
Go for kiss and grab her tits, if she rejects, smile smerkily [ed: smerkily?] and/or laugh, then say “did that feel gay to you?” This works for all gay comments, what youre wearing looks gay etc.
This is straight up asshole game. Again, high risk, high reward with this one. The girl would have to be somewhat pre-attracted for this pseudo-apocalypse game to work.
You never listen to me
Can you repeat that??
or
Sure Id love a beer
Classics. Shorter version: “What?” “What?” “What?”… until she gets the joke.
You will get tired of me
Keep on saying that and yeah, I willCome and meet my friends
Are they pretty? lets wait for ten more minutesDo you find my friend (whatever her name is) attractive?
Oh thats the one with the round ass with long legs and big breasts with the nice smile, of course i dont *sarcasticly* Dismiss every question that will come after this, denying her the right to be in charge of the conversationYou are sleazy
You like it though
or
You are so stuck up I cant even give you a genuine compliment
“You like it” has been around a long time, but it’s always struck me as sounding forced, or like you’re forcing the girl to feel into you. Maybe a better wording (while sticking with the concept) is, “Is that a comment or a request?”
You are weird
You are boringYou are boring
You are weird
or
You are lameYou are Creepy
You are lame
I know some of you readers are scoffing incredulously at these series of calls-and-responses, but there really are aggro chicks who think flirting is the coarse art of getting in a man’s face and insulting him. Any dismissive and amused reply would work with these kinds of girls.
Do I know you?
Dont worry baby you will
See: “You like it” above. My guess: works best on girls who are already in the tingle zone.
Why are you talking to me?
Didnt know there was a no talking policy in this bar, Aaaah youre a librarian, I should have known
or
Because you look like a funny girl
That second line is a great neg. “Does he mean I’m funny looking, or that I look like I have a sense of humor??”
Its boring when its just the two of us hanging together dont you think so?
I agree, but its strange, never experienced this with any of my previous girls
A bit defensive. I would go with “Better step up your game then!” Reframe so that the fault for her boredom lies with her.
I have a boyfriend
I have, wait, three aunts, two grandparents, and at home I have a guitar, this is a fun game, your turn, what else you got?How many girls have you slept with?
Are you very religious? or I dont think Ive slept with anyone today
If she asks again:
Counting back how far?
Since forever !!??
My memory is poor, dont think I slept with anyone today though *smirk*
These are good.
You are not my type
Are you sure? you seem quite desperate?
Harsh. Man you are hanging around some slores, am I right?
You are too horny
I can imagine youre really good at turning guys off, but seriously dont flatter yourself sweetie
If this dance of romance is in a loud environment, shorter is sweeter. For example, “Don’t flatter yourself.”
You are too direct for me
You are too indirect for meHave you read the game?
Jeezzes, youre overanalyzing way too much, relax sweetieYou come off as a a little desperate
Easy girls have that effect on me
If she gets pissed: Reeeelaaax pussycat give me a smile (touch her face)
I’m gonna need more background to this conversation. Where, who, when? How much alcohol was involved?
You have a weird sense of humour
I wanted to tell you this other joke, its about my dick, but its too longYour getting old heh?
Yeah thank god Im a man, Ill age with style
“Still younger than you in woman years.”
Feel free to use these if u like them, I know some of these are versions already used by yourself. Ive invented some new ones. If just some of these can help to educate one desperate male im happy. Im trying to put something back. Thanks.
Every man should have ten ready-to-dare replies for the most common female shit tests he’ll encounter. All women are different, until they’re not, which is often.
[…] Additions To The Shit Test Compendium […]
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ch…classic.. iv been shit tested loads of times ….now i do it to the women its fuckin great …..could you please once more shoot down bob wallacecause he is a fuckin wanker
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> “How many girls have you slept with?
Are you very religious? or I dont think Ive slept with anyone today”
Best line here is some extremely sarcastic variation on “Oh my gosh, I’m still a virgin.”
Could be: “Why ever in the world would boys and girls want to sleep together?”
Something like that.
Hyper-sarcastic fake-innocence.
With a big frown and a shit-eating grin on your face.
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> “Your getting old heh?”
HEARTISTE: “Still younger than you in woman years.”
That’s an excellent one, although her IQ might need to be at least college level [120+] to grok it [i.e. canine = human X 7].
As you drift down into the lower IQ strata, it might sail right over her head.
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@zombie shane r you a fuckin man …? you post some fuckinshit …..you must have experienced that shite to post it …..
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“Shit tests” exist for men in the way that “rape culture” exists for women. That is, not at all. It’s a way for Omegas to pretend they are Alphas.
I seriously doubt some guy who is nearly illiterate is “shit tested” at all. Let’s see…I getting an image of a fat neckbeard in his parents’ basement…
Suckers are born every minute, as are the con men who take advantage of them. I’m amused by the whole thing.
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> “Creepy”
Okay, this is her nuke test – she’s just gone all Hiroshima on your ass.
Generally speaking, this will come from a Blue State / Blue City femcunt witch whore princess.
My advice: Why in the world would you want to dip it in a chick who has The Darkness in her heart?
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But if you’re determined to ruin your life by getting involved with her, then I would have upwards of TEN different anti-creepy counter-measures in my arsenal.
You can never have too many anti-creepies.
1) When you get flustered, you can always revert to Sixth Grade Game, and blurt out, “Takes one to know one.”
VARIATION: “Creepy? Said the chick who is gonna stalk me with a butcher’s knife when I don’t call her the next day? That’s the pot calling the kettle black.”
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2) Agree and Amplify Game. “Creepy? Lemme tell you about it, baby, Charles Manson/Bill Clinton/Donald Sterling is like an altar boy compared to the Dark Knight. I’m gonna give you a lesson in creepy that you’ll still be fantasizing about 20 years from now.”
3) Junkyard Dawg Game: “Creepy? Aww baby, even Honey Badger gots to make him some little Honey Badger cubs wit Mrs Honey Badger, back in the master suite of the Badger Cave.”
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4) Evil Psychiatrist Game: “Uh-oh. Danger Will Robinson. Last bitch who called me creepy, I had to carry her crazy ass to the Psych Wing, kicking and screaming, at 3AM in the morning, when she stopped taking her Lithium/Clomipramine/Ambien/Prozac/whatever.”
5) Assume the Sale Game: “Well, the good thing about you creepy bitches is that you tend to fuck like wild animals.”
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> “you tend to fuck like wild animals.”
Nah, I take that back.
Creepy witches don’t deserve a compliment like that.
Needs to be more like, “you tend to just lie there and take it like a starfish and you don’t get all Oh My God I’m Cumming I’m Cumming I’m Cumming” and wake up everyone in the neighborhood.
Them Dark Chicks don’t deserve even a backhanded compliment.
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Or if she drops the 20 kiloton fission device of “Creepy” on you, then just overwhelm her little femcunt princess ass with a 20 megaton fusion device counterattack of “True Creepy”.
Willem Dafoe Game FTW:
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>> Creepy/nuke
Fuck the c-word. She’s an unimaginative meme parrot and will probably be a lousy fuck.
“Takes one to know one” for her “educated” libcunt ass… “There have been a few studies on projection and the conclusion is we call out others on the things we find most disgusting about ourselves.”
NEXT!
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“I want to apologize for calling you gentlemen ‘homosexuals’. I also want to thank you: you’ve taught me a valuable lesson in life. LUUUU–LAAAA!!!”
Man, from my senior year in hs to sophomore year in college, I made girls watch “Wild at Heart”. Recommended it to everyone, in fact, with breathless enthusiasm. I thought that was the most romantic movie ever. Couldn’t imagine how anyone wouldn’t love it.
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> “Couldn’t imagine how anyone wouldn’t love it.”
When I first saw it, I was too young and too naïve to grok at least half of the movie.
Like how in Hell could Laura Dern’s character be attracted to Willem Dafoe’s character?
Same with the final scene from The Dead.
It took me YEARS to finally get it:
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Lol, this was a great read.
I would like to offer my opinion on a few of them and how I think women would react, as a woman).
1. “Are you a player?”. Your answer to this is great, it made me laugh, if a man said I think I would find it very funny. 🙂 This one is the best.
2. “Are you gay?”. This one is the only one that concerns me, not because I think it could not work, but I think it must be used carefully as groping a woman in country such as America could spell trouble with the Law.
3. “Do you find my friend attractive?”. The only one of the list that I have said. Which made me a little bit upset when I heard my fiance’s reply, he said, “I have been so busy, I have not had time to even look at her ass, let alone her face”. I wanted to cry.
4. “You have a weird sense of humor”. Great answer. LOL
5. “What is that you are wearing?” Your answer to this one is good also, but I do not know what woman would be so unkind to ask this.
Thank you for a good read. 🙂
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Who is she going to press charges against? It’s not like she will know your full name when you grope her tits or kiss her and I’m willing to bet 99.999% of American women won’t go through the trouble of pressing charges, even if they did mind it. If she’s at least slightly attracted, I doubt she will do anything law wise, even if she minds your action.
If you’re cocky here girls will make sarcastic comments about your lack of modesty and I found it best to own that lack of modesty by agreeing and amplifying or reject her frame and framing it like you are being modest, but it’s just that you’re so awesome that she thinks you’re bragging when you’re playing it down(obviously, it doesn’t work on stupid women who wouldn’t figure out you’re being facetious).
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Grabbing a girl like that isn’t cool. I’m definitely not down with it even if I’m attracted to the guy. It’s a good way to get bounced out or your ass kicked.
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Totally O/T but current. Situational alpha makes best of bad situation:
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She didn’t say “no”.
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She has an IQ of about 95
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perfect lol
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lol
“what do you think of the fire”
“it’s pretty cool”
…
guy leaves
…
“uhhh the fire kinda uhhh lights up and times then gets dark again then kinda uhhh ya”
lol
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They never did find the guy who started that fire.
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Shit test busters (Non drunk version) delivered with a playful vibe and plenty of eye contact.
Are you alone here? – Only intellectually
Where are all your friends? – I had to kill them all…. They where asking way too many questions
Does this work on every girl? – Nope… only the cute ones
What do you do for a living? it’s complicated(haven’t found one better than this)
Are you always this secretive? I’d rather not answer that.
Buy me a drink. – There are only two types of girls I buy drinks for… they’ve got to be hot or very amusing (Look her up and down)… do you know any jokes?
How many girls have you slept with? – None… I like to kick them out just before they fall asleep.
You’re not very tall are you. (I’m 5.11 and still get this. Guess it’s a qualification trap) Best response… – The more you know me, the taller I get.(Stolen)
You’re very conceited aren’t you? – Not if you consider everything I’ve got to be conceited about.
You are Creepy. – Thanks, I get it from my father…he used to be a cat burglar.
Why are you talking to me? – The hot chicks haven’t arrived yet.
I have a boyfriend. – Still?… I heard you guys had broken up… something about you being boring in bed.
I don’t like you. – That’s fine… I like me enough for both of us.
Have you read the game? – No.. I’m waiting for the movie to come out(can be used for any book)
A sign your getting good at these is when you get;
You have a smooth answer for everything don‘t you. – Thanks or depending on the vibe…What do you want me to do learn to stutter?
As for the biggest shit test of’em all;
I Love you. – I once had a girl blow me three minutes after I passed this one with…Well don’t .. you’ll only get hurt.
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Any insult: “that was awkward” or “you’re being awkward”
Women hate awkwardness. They will do anything to avoid being perceived as such.
How many girls have you slept with: “I’d have to check my spreadsheet”
Absurd > defensive or offensive. Bonus points if you actually have a spreadsheet.
Are you gay? “No” with eye contact, then a pause, then continue if it hadn’t been asked.
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Are you gay? “No” with eye contact, then a pause, then continue if it hadn’t been asked.
Or Agree and Amplify. “Oh yess, ssweetheart, totally. How about you buy me a glasss of white zinfandel?”
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lets go shopping together
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excellent. thank you
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are you gay?
“the fuck you talkin about bitch”
if you’re being asked this question, maybe you should also ask yourself the same question lol
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“Are you gay?”
“Why, would you try to convert me?”
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These are pretty defensive actually. I prefer your more laid back approach.
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Pipe down Little Spoor
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Feminist(butto)x,
Regarding shit tests….
…..My buttox are literally where the action is.
Now quit talksin’ and start detoxin. Given your South Indian heritage, I expect proper use of turmeric and coconut milk as the essence used in the detox.
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Feminist X: So what do u do for a living?
Me: not much but i do it well
Feminist X: Is that your best line?
Me: yes it is
Feminist X: So what books are you currently reading?
Me: GBFM
Feminist X: You remind me of an artist from Italy i used to date and…
Me: gay
Feminist X: These two guys are my co-workers theyre taking care of me tonite..i think they want you to leave..lol
Me: which one of you faggots wants to die first?
Feminist X: Are you currently seeing anyone?
Me: its complicated
Feminist X: Your white skin and alpha persona are getting me really hot..do you have a nice cock?
Me: it pleases me
Feminist X: I shouldnt be having these thoughts!!..youre an asshole@#$ ****rant rant bitch whine rant@#$
Me: u done?
Feminist X: Take me now!!
Me: bring da movies
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The non absurd ones are actually good.
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These gems have worked about a dozen times for me. After a girl agrees to go back with me or take me back she says something along the lines of “don’t think your getting any tonight” or “ok, but we’re not having sex”. My response “oh haha are you kidding, I don’t fuck on the first date” or “oh no way, I wasn’t gonna let you jump my bones” “wo wait, I’m not that kinda guy. I like to get to know a girl first before we bang.” The funny thing is, I actually did bang when we got back.
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“What? What? What?” Stone Cold Steve Austin Game. If she shoots you down, have your wingman break some glass, plant your boot in her gut, deliver Stunner. Double middle fingers and yelling in her ear are optional.
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lol
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i was talking to a buddy bout that era inthe wwf. from 98 to 99, only time i ever paid for ppv to watch wwf. my fav was the beer truck
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yeah, that made me laugh.
what?
lol watched Cobra with the ex last night pre-bang. in the opening scene when Sly gets out of his ride looking badass with the aviators n’ matchstick – she marks out saying how badass he looks.
she goes on to say i don’t look good in avi’s/sunglasses because i carry a very confident look that the shades would take away from. not lying, felt good to hear from any hb
..when Sly is stalking the robber in the grocery store I’m making comments of how sick this scene is.. then she goes on to chap my ass saying im half the badass he is etc.. probably to save face. she knows im spinning plates “youve gone on 2 dates ive gone on none!”
fuck i love Cobra
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dam girl screamed from other room
stung by bee
I run In pick pack of cards up throw it and the bee was huge but it exploded pieces everywhere
that’s hot he he he
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gave me some kisses said my luzzypoo saved the day came in for the kill
so maybe it doesn’t pass jumbotron or maybe it does lol fuck it
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good good she still breathing was allergic as kid yay
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if a girl asks you if you’re gay, you’re doing something wrong. I’ve never heard or seen this in my entire life, and i’m out quite a bit.
That being said, the majority of these sound pretty try-hard and defensive.
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They do this if you’re a pussy to their IOIs.
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Totally agree with you, if a girl ask you that you are definately doing something wrong. Why i put that one in is more to do with I wish i could get that shit test one day. Id really love to just se the frightened eyes of her as i lean in, go for kiss and grab her boob. Would be amazing just to try it once. Im just waiting for the day somebody shit tests me by saying my beard looks gay etc, gonna nuke them dead on the spot!!!!
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if you live in nyc the girls ask it to even masculine men because there are so many straight acting gay guys.
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Girls ask that if you’re good looking.
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yep
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If you’re the semi-effeminate “pretty boy” good looking I could see it happening. If you are leaning more towards the hard masculine good looking (Eastwood, Connery, Clarke Gable, etc), not so much actually.
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Do you find my friend (whatever her name is) attractive?
Oh thats the one with the round ass with long legs and big breasts with the nice smile, of course i dont *sarcasticly* Dismiss every question that will come after this, denying her the right to be in charge of the conversation
The HB9 I’m gaming and have mentioned before now does something similar by teasing me about finding her friend x or friend y attractive. She did this twice in the same evening last week, referring to two different, less attractive girls (including her 7 roommate who unfriended me on facebook after I hung out with the 9 one evening). I played coy and refuse to confirm or deny.
Although perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised. The chubby 5 who sometimes works with her gets hit on more than a baseball — I’ve seen two guys try to make dates with her on the spot, there, in the diner — while the 9 gets nothing but very deferent conversation from the guys who talk to her.
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“I like her femininity.” (Always gets the hamster wheel spinning)
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“Do you find my friend (whatever her name is) attractive?”
-Why do you ask?
-Are you jealous?
-Why girls compare so much to each other?
-Yo ask too much questions.
-You’re really nosy.
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> “You’re really nosy.”
or, “Maybe. Is she as nosy as you?”
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Do you find my friend (whatever her name is) attractive?
Dunno, why, are you trying to arrange a threesome?
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What needs to happen is that all white people need to boycott the NBA literally abandon it stop watching it stop buying tickets let all the players and the Jew owners feel that. Bring down the NBA literally.
http://www.miamiherald.com/2014/04/30/4089734/lebron-james-urges-sale-of-clippers.html
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But as thwack correctly point out white people are to blame a bunch of white trash do-nothing to sit on the couch and watch the NBA and NFL all their entire lives. What is it like 90% of NFL and NBA’s ticket sales are bought by whites?
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These tickets are an expensive form of entertainment.
Pro sports adapted to black taste ought to be entirely abandoned by whites. However, most of the guys who watch are doing so as entertainment.
They should ignore the sports but get a kick out of the theatre.
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“are to blame”? No, lemmings will always follow the flow. This issue is about who control the media and decide which politicians will be elected, which will have their careers destroyed, and which “cultural trends” people will hear about while others are blacked out.
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Director
These tickets are an expensive form of entertainment.
———————————————————————————————-
*sigh*
Once again I must DIRECT the director to the truth.
Pro sports are one of the last bastions of male supremacy left in the western world.
Thats why guys watch it.
I’ll stop there so the director doesn’t have to choose another screen name.
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No problem. I started boycotting the NBA before I started kindergarten.
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2014 NHL attendance out performed the NBA, oftentimes in the same arenas.
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I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out
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What I find hilarious about this is that the NBA is filled with racist clowns such as Spike Lee, Shaq, Jason Williams, KG and others. This being said, I don’t think the NBA will force the sale of the team because the upcoming lawsuits will be worse than not forcing the sale. They should have just did damage control instead of acting like outraged cunts.
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The New York lawyer Adam Silver, commissioner of the NBA, is a Tribe member. Put there by another Tribe member and Democrat donor, David Stern. Of course he would use this issue to push the Tribe’s agenda. It would have been very different if the target had also been one of the Chosenites, or of some other race.
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Tilikum, this is a discussion for adults, not for morons who didn’t get an education. I understand it troubles your little mind when the media owners are discussed, that it too difficult for you. Go back to your TV.
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heads up for the incoming teeth knashing about the jooooos!!
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I needed Lebensraum cause I had none,
I fought the joos
and the
joos won
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Potentially better response to “Do I know you?”:
“In the Biblical sense?”
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Matter-of-fact: “We just met.”
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“no…you’d remember me.”
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There’s a good chance that she doesn’t know what “Biblical sense” means if she’s under 40.
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Less than 2% of women in the entire history of the world would’ve understood that comment
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Mine was better.
“Biblical? Ya perv.”
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Question for everyone here.
When under pressure, nervous tension, etc… what state does your body revert to?
For example, I find that when I become flustered, or I’m debating some sort of opinion with somebody, my body language tends to open up even more than it would normally. I imagine most people would “relapse” towards more beta body language.
Experiences? Thoughts?
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I have to consciously avoid the “closed” state: slouched shoulders, rocking back on my feet.
If I feel myself getting to that when I’m talking to a girl I:
Slow down
Stand straighter
Stare into her eyes
Smile less
Breath slower
All this take conscious effort and when I’m ambushed I adopt the panic state.
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Dude, read YaReally’s archive. In it you will find Juggler’s Method. In that, you’ll learn about the vacuum. In a nutshell, stand strong without moving. You’re a fuckin’ alpha statue, an oak – these don’t fidget in the wind. Own your space like it owes you a favor for merely occupying it.
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juggler, krauser, roosh, some rsd guys are probably the best signal-to-noise game practitioners in the business now. they don’t all share the same method, but they each have a pretty good handle on female nature, and teach a type of game that the majority of normal men could put to use.
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[…] By CH […]
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I hadn’t realized the “I don’t give out my number”…was a shit test.
Here’s how mine went:
Me: “What’s your number?”
Her: “Really?”
Me: “Yah…really.”
Her: “Maybe next week”
Here’s where I punted:
Me: “Mine’s on the flyer (I was passing out for an event i’m organizing) send me yours through that”
Her: Ok
She didn’t.
What I now realize I should have said was this:
Her: Maybe next week
Me: “Maybe next week….I won’t want it”
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How well does giving her your phone and telling her to put your number in it work for you?
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Haven’t tried this yet. I’ll try it a few times and report back.
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“How well does giving her your phone and telling her to put your number in it work for you?”
In my humble opinion this is the best play. I’ve pretty much heard it all in terms of trying to get numbers and this one works best. I think it’s because we’re programmed to some degree to follow orders and be polite, so if you give me your phone and casually tell me to put my number in like it’s no big deal, it just seems natural to do it.
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how can you possibly not have tried this. this is like gradeschool shit.
unless you see she has same phone, some can be difficult to get around. put here name in it in the contacts first so it saves as something, even fuck around and add stupid nicknames like ‘shorty’ or ‘pants’ or something you’ll remember her by if you want
then click on the phone number entry part and just pass it to her and say put in your number
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i guess to follow up for those who will say what if she gives fuckin additude or says no
then just say “that’s cool” and keep on having a fucking awesome time. never take it to heart or let it get under your skin. its a fuckin number anyways, it dont mean shit lol so dont get too worked up
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or if you know she’s blatantly proud of her assets, put her name in the phone as “tits mcgee”
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that shit’s played out. getting a number is a last resort. your frame is that you’re hooking up tonight, or you probably never will. it’s her opportunity. that’s for your typical slutty western chick.
if it’s a ‘good girl’ type or you know logistics aren’t there and you’d like to see her again, straight up ask her if ‘she’d like to connect’. if the answer is no, be utterly carefree about it, wish her well, and move along ASAP. if the answer is no and you do this, she’ll wonder why you didn’t care that ‘she just rejected you’. and she’ll probably chase you after that. if not, who cares, just meet other chicks. and DHV in the process (you’re never needy or attached, and other women see that). fail-proof method.
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Only answer when a girl won’t give you her number, but will accept yours (which means nothing) is “Nah, then I guess we’ll have to meet again sometime, see if it’s fate” or some variant on that. Because even if you hand out your number or keep pushing for hers, there is no way in hell you are going to get in phone contact with her at this point. Your only slight hope is to not give out your number and say something about exchanging numbers in the future instead. Holding back your number when she won’t give hers shows some discipline and a lack of desperation.
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Her: “I don’t give out my number.”
Me: “Have a nice evening.” [Backturn]
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Her: How old are you?
Me: Thirty five. How old are you?
Her: Twenty seven…
Her: (In kind of a mocking way) You look REAAAALY young for your age…
Me: That’s funny. I…. Nah. Nevermind.
Her: What?
Me: Nothing.
Her: Tell me!
Me: I was just about to say that you look kind of old for your age…
Her: OMG! I can’t believe you just said that! Asshole! (laughing)
Two weeks later (last week) even though she’s married, she sent me this text-
Her- Lol. This is probably really inappropriate but damn you’re a cool guy. Don’t let the bitches fuck with you.
Me- Not inappropriate at all. I’m totally a cool guy. And I never let the bitches fuck with me.
Her- lol. k- didn’t think it would be. but it had to be said for the record. thinking if I wasn’t all married i’d totally be into you. omg. that sounds horrible.
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…bit off topic but WTH?
My Wife Has Tattoos: Marriage, New Birth, and the Gospel
Today is the day of my wedding. And I am not marrying the girl of my dreams.
If you would have told me when I was a teenager that my wife would have seven tattoos, a history in drugs, alcohol, and attending heavy metal concerts, I would have laughed at you, given you one of my courtship books, and told you to take a hike. My plans were much different, much more nuanced with careful planning, much more clean-cut, and much more, well, about me.
You see, it wasn’t my dream to marry a girl that was complicated. I never dreamed that I would sit on a couch with my future wife in pre-marital counseling listening to her cry and tell stories of drunken nights, listing the drugs she used, confessing mistakes made in past relationships.
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“I never dreamed that I would sit on a couch with my future wife in pre-marital counseling listening to her cry and tell stories of drunken nights, listing the drugs she used, confessing mistakes made in past relationships.”
Never has the word “beta provider” fit so well. On the wedding day his co-workers can start a pool on when the divorce will come.
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The comments are saddening. What’s that great GBFM(TM) phrase, Sisterhood of the Repentant Sore Buttholes lolzolzolzlz?
Christian hipsters in “pre-marital counseling”. And he thinks it’s better than his dreams.
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The author of the article, unbeknownst to himself but obviously to his readers, is a faggot and he has just married an enthusiastically straight and experienced woman. Yet in the author’s twisted vision of Christianity, he sees himself as an Incarnate Christ figure who is covenanting with Mary Magdalene. This obscene misunderstanding of the faith manifests itself similarly when white couples adopt African infants; in both cases, the person chasing his idol has misidentified the object of his affection as a proxy for God, with all of the accompanying fetishes that idolatry entails. In both cases, the clueless pedestalizer is inviting the object of his affection to rape him.
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How many girls have you slept with?
Including or excluding random_ethnic_group?
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Her: “I have a boyfriend”
Me: “That’s *great*! When’s the wedding?”
Her: “Oh, we’re not engaged..”
Me: “So, it can’t be all that serious then..
..uh, this boyfriend — is he BIG guy? Does he own weapons?”
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The old standby is to take her hand and ask, “Which finger does the ‘boyfriend’ ring go on?”
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^ Super.
Option #2: Instead of a question, statement. “Left your boyfriend ring at home. I know exactly what that means.”
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my automatic reply if i get shit tested for being a ‘player’ is a smirk and saying ‘nooo, i’m a sweet innocent flower, i’ve never even had sex” while confidently putting my arms around her and getting close. works every time
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this should be a public education pamphlet handed out to boys during first week of college. naturals already understand the game, for the rest, a valuable tool for when women are at their most open – the first semester of college.
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Meanwhile … in The Land Down Under….
Australian born Adult film actor Angela White took a page from the fantasy section when she discreetly filmed sex acts with a partner in the La Trobe University library in Bundoora (Melbourne, Australia)
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/porn-star-angela-white-in-secretly-filmed-sex-romp-in-la-trobe-university-library/story-fni0fiyv-1226901296617
In the following article
http://www.cosmopolitan.com.au/sex/sex-advice/2013/11/shes-a-pornstar-with-an-honours-degree/
she states ..
“Being involved in porn, and the adult industry generally, has afforded me a comfortable lifestyle that has allowed me to travel, study here and abroad, and also plan for the future. Back in 2007, I enrolled in a Bachelor of Arts in gender studies at the University of Melbourne, and graduated with first-class honours. I’d been completely perplexed by how feminism was representing my industry.”
Bachelor of Arts in gender studies at the University of Melbourne.
I sense a trend ….
Surely her parents much be very proud.
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Are you a player?
>Why do girls keep asking me that?
Why don’t you buy me a drink?
>I don’t want you getting all handsy. I barely know you.
>Equal rights, babe.
>You gotta earn it. (combine this one with the previous if necessary)
Why are you talking to me?
>You tell me. (shrug)
Why are you so cocky?
>I believe in myself.
>Oh…you prefer uptight and insecure? (point finger out towards “other guys”)
You’re not my type.
>Yeah (dismissively). (Keep plowing)
>Oh, you… like women? (better if she has short hair)
How many girls have you slept with?
>At once?
>You first.
>Gawd, can’t you keep your mind out of the bedroom for two seconds?
Have you read The Game?
>Nah, I prefer 50 Shades of Grey.
I have a boyfriend.
>Ah, how cute. (Keep plowing)
I don’t give out my number.
>Is that why you’re socially awkward?
Does this work on other girls?
>What, you mean the charm?
>Nope, you’re the first.
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These are excellent
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[…] Shit tests, like boobs, come in all shapes and sizes. But, also like boobs, shit tests all share a basic structure. You won’t ever confuse a boob for a foot, for instance. Similarly, you won’t confuse a shit test for loving affection. […]
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Christ these are brutal. Are women really like that in America now? Jeez, who would even want to fuck these beasts, good-looking or not? The attitude is a huge make-dick-limp turnoff.
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Riiiiight.
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Some popular catch phrases from internet memes can be a good all-purpose answers for shit tests:
-Cool story bro.
-Challenge accepted.
-Bitch please. (use with caution)
-That’s racist!
-Haters gonna hate.
-Wait for iiiiiit.
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“Challenge accepted” is better said as “I accept your challenge” in a solemn way.
“Haters gonna hate” is one of the dumbest, most immature things you can say. It shows you refuse to debate, you just label an opponent as a “hater”, which is a completely meaningless word as anyone who has any opinion can be said to “hate” the opposite of that opinion. You want to perpetuate stupidity or you want to show you aren’t wearing diapers anymore?
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Of course it’s a refusal to debate; that’d show that I’ve taken what she said seriously, allowing her to set the frame of the conversation. Avoiding that it’s the point of the answer to a shit test. Same thing for responding “in a solemn way”. If you take her seriously, you fail the test.
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“Of course it’s a refusal to debate”
Not talking about picking up women in my comment to that moronic phrase. I am talking about the use of the phrase as a whole, which should have been obvious. And since it is something leftist diaper babies say, if you use it to a woman in any context, you show that’s where you go looking for “clever” things. It also shows you can’t think for yourself.
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Huh what.
Most of these responses were pretty lame tbh.
CH were u trolling?
Also *coarse
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more likely the emailer was trolling. but he/she provided a good springboard to demonstrate what works and what probably doesn’t work so well.
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“I know some of you readers are scoffing incredulously at these series of calls-and-responses, but there really are aggro chicks who think flirting is the coarse art of getting in a man’s face and insulting him.”
this is so true. girls really are stupid these days. they are not witty at all. i’ve heard so many of these too. some i’ve responded to like in this post, some i responded totally wrong. ugh. so many missed opportunities.
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let’s see if i’m learning anything…
Are you a player?
[smirk/eye contact] ‘turn around for me’
‘that’s your type…i can tell…’
‘and you’re a ‘good girl’…’
Where are all your friends?
‘you don’t have enough confidence to approach me when i’m in a group.’
‘my attention is enough for you.’
‘your friends ditched you again, huh?’
‘i give up. ‘where are all your friends?’ ‘
Does this work on every girl?
‘not sure…i haven’t met every girl…yet.”
‘oh, i’ve heard of her…she’s that new feminist super hero…’
Why dont you buy me a drink?
‘the AA meeting is next door…’
‘i guess i’ll let you do that. i’ll have a [whatever your drinking].’ (pretend that she offered to buy)
‘i’m just eye candy…’
‘you don’t need the calories…’
‘it wouldn’t match your purse…’
What is that youre wearing?
‘briefs/boxers…but you should buy me a drink, first.’
‘boxers…free and breezy, hangin’ easy…’ [make little hip movements]
‘Depends…if you play your cards right, you can help me change’em later…’
Why are you so cocky?
[shrug] ‘those that can’t do teach…’
Are you gay?
‘dumped/ditched by your gay friend too, huh…? [shaking your head slowly]
You never listen to me
(i love the “what? what?’ that’s classic…)
‘no…but i’ll take a sandwich/beer/bj…’ (classics just work…)
You will get tired of me
[exaggerated yawn…look around the room…]
Come and meet my friends
‘the hot one? nah, she’d just make it awkward for you.’ (needs calibration)
Do you find my friend (whatever her name is) attractive?
‘you mean the one with the long, toned legs, great heart-shaped ass, super perky tits, flat tummy, long luxurious hair, dazzling smile, angelic face with the perfect skin, wearing that real hot outfit…nah, but she made me take her number anyway…’
You are sleazy
‘i’m eazy peazy, too…but not cheap…remember that.’
You are weird
[sing] ‘i’m a little tea pot, tall and stout, pull on my handle, make me spout…”
You are boring
‘of course…and i’m the best at it…’
You are creepy
‘like a boss…’
You are lame
‘don’t make fun of the disabled…’
Do I know you?
‘no, you’d remember me…’
‘most women ‘yes’ me, so you probably won’t…’
Why are you talking to me?
‘i’m lazy…and i’m already sitting here…’
Its boring when its just the two of us hanging together dont you think so?
‘i’ve been thinking about having a threesome, too. is [her hot friend] around?’
I have a boyfriend
‘does he know…? you seem like the stalker type.’
‘that rocks! imaginary friends are the best!’
‘cats don’t count…’
‘another one…?’
[the exaggerated/bored sigh, look around room]
How many girls have you slept with?
‘counting tonight?…’
You are not my type
‘you’ll change…’
‘i know, but i won’t change into a loser just for you…’
You are too horny
‘no such thing…’
You are too direct for me
‘too much reality, huh…?’
Have you read the game?
‘oh, i love color games. have you blue me in the car?’
You come off as a a little desperate
‘just a little…? i was aiming for ‘really’…you’ll have to give me some tips…’
You have a weird sense of humor
‘i prefer to focus on the seven normal senses…’
Your getting old heh?
‘if i don’t have much time left, we’d better get down to business…’ [go for kiss]
‘you gold diggers are all the same…’
‘respect your elders…or i’ll have to spank you…’
‘like a volcano…’
‘vintage parts rock! they don’t make’em like this anymore…’
‘classic, honey…the word is classic…’
this shit is supposed to be fun…make sure YOU have a good time and don’t over think it…
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a lot of these are very good, especially the terser replies.
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I have a boyfriend
‘does he know…? you seem like the stalker type.’
LOL! This would get to me. Hilarious.
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ang chance you can give us some random openers for bars/clubs to work with? preferably how it should be delivered too.
seems like lately my mind is throwing a blank everytime i see a bitch i fancy.
thanks!
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Relationship Shit Test:
“Who were you talking to?”
Your answer: “Relax, she’s just a friend.”
Nobody, besides maybe someone’s boss, has the right to ask a man this question and get a straight answer. To think a man isn’t even entitled to make a call without being inquisitioned is ridiculous. Any female being that micromanaging deserves some dread game.
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Are you gay? I used to get this a lot,
” Well I could be, why don’t i put my cock in your mouth and if it doesn’t get hard then we’ll know for sure ” that usually stumps them
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Heartiste,
The great shit test of the future will be this :
Are you Red Pill ?
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“Are you a player?”
“You answer that first, then I’ll answer.” Cocky asshole reversal game.
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“Where are all your friends?”
“Why, are you a player?”
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“Do I know you?”
“Biblically? You perv!”
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“Why are you talking to me?”
“You’re right, we should be kissing by now.”
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“Your getting old heh?”
“I tried getting younger, but there’s no future in that.”
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“Why are you so cocky?”
“You prefer insecure?”
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“Are you a player?”
“You won’t know for sure unless you see me naked.”
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I’ve blown apart the “Don’t be creepy” $hit-test for a few years now. The best reply has and always will be……”I am the hottest creep you will ever know”.
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“Are you gay?”
“Are you the alternative?”
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“Are you gay?”
“Why, are you a trannie?”
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thwack
Director
These tickets are an expensive form of entertainment.
———————————————————————————————-
*sigh*
Once again I must DIRECT the director to the truth. Pro sports are one of the last bastions of male supremacy left in the western world.Thats why guys watch it. I’ll stop there so the director doesn’t have to choose another screen name.
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*sigh*
Once again I must DIRECT the director to the truth. Pro sports are one of the last bastions of male supremacy left in the western world.Thats why guys watch it. I’ll stop there so the director doesn’t have to choose another screen name.
No! NBA, NFL are idol worshipping cuckold fests. Possibly a safety valve for the underclasses. Basketball in college is pretty much the same. I used to manage donor accounts at UCLA.
Soccer, MLB and a few others are actually sports that cater to normal men. Tall freaks and fat freaks are not really sportsmen. Professional sports themselves are a huge problem. Non productive labour and wasteful. It would be better to stick these rats in the middle east and hand them rifles telling them never to return.
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Came across quite a few of these on my travels. These are my go to replies
Are alone here?
Only intellectually
Does this work on every girl?
Only the cute ones
Why don’t you buy me a drink?
There are only types of girls I buy drinks for. They’ve got to be either really hot or really funny. Do you know any jokes.
How many girls have you slept with?
None. I kick them out before they fall asleep.
You’re not very tall are you.
The more you get to know me, the taller I get.
You’re very conceited aren’t you?
No. I’m actually very humble… if you consider everything I’ve got to be conceited about.
You will get tired of me.
What do you mean “get”.
You are sleazy
Thanks toots, you’re not too bad yourself.
You are Creepy.
Yep. I used to be a cat burglar.
Why are you talking to me?
The hot chicks haven’t arrived yet.
I have a boyfriend.
Really? I heard you guys had broken up… something about you being boring in bed.
You are not my type.
That’s a shame. You should be more ambitious.
Have you read the game?
Nah. I’m waiting for the movie
Your old enough to be my dad.
Old enough but not ugly enough.
You always have a smooth answer don‘t you.
What shall I do, learn to stutter?
I Love you.
Well don’t, you’ll only get hurt.
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Great Game, Ballz. Reverse every shit test.
“You are not my type.”
“Right, if your type is weak and insecure, then I’m not your type.”
“Your old enough to be my dad.”
“I tried getting younger, but there’s no future in it.” or
“Don’t worry, I won’t hold your age against you.”
“You always have a smooth answer don‘t you?”
“Not when I’m kissing a woman.”
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“Are you a player?”
“Yeah I play alot of guitar, mostly pink floyd, but i like guns’n roses as well. Do you play any instruments ?”
I love this one. She has to qualify herself as to having any talent whatsoever beyond putting on make-up and texting rapidly. Odds are she does not have any musical talent and will be striving to meet your approval after that. Which of course is great for generating tingles. And heightening your general disdain for her, paradoxically.
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You are sleazy!
Nice n sleazy does it.
(That’s a Stranglers lyric btw)
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“You are sleazy!”
“Yeah, that’s what women usually say right before they kiss me.”
This works with a lot of shit tests.
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