“Are you a player?”

This deceptively innocuous female query deserves its own post, because it’s something you’ll hear more than once if you a) have any sort of charming vibe or b) you live in an area where the cock carousel, and hence the broken pussies, ride high.

You want to know how to respond to this super shit test from a girl. First, judge the context and the delivery. Did you just meet her? Is she in a flirty mood? Is she a sassy girl who loves to “get one over” men?

Or, is she genuinely curious about you? Is she comfortable sitting down with you to talk, away from supervision? Do the number of hair tosses and the shine in her eyes betray a surging interest for more intimacy?

If the former (she wants reassurance you are socially skilled around women and have a plethora of mate options), there are many ways to defuse the “Are you a player?” shit test. You can’t go wrong with a rudimentary “agree & amplify”.

“Are you a player?”

“The truth comes out. Did you know you’re number 100 today? Congratulations! Let’s go find you that door prize.”

If the latter (she wants to be assuaged you aren’t going to fuck and fly), humility (feigned, if necessary) is the order of the day.

“Are you a player?”

“If holding out for the right girl makes me a player, then I guess I am. But I don’t really feel like one.”

On this subject, a reader asks,

I met this girl on eH, solid 8.5 and on the first date she put this on me:

her: are you a player?
me: define player
her: date a lot of women
me: define a lot

her: more than 6 a month
me: it depends if the month has 31 days or not
her: clever answer

However, nothing changed – I can tell in her eyes she though I was a “player”.  Also by the actions – at the end, we had a good make out, but she refused to come to my place:

me: you should come to my place
her: lol, that would be too early, what would you think about me if I came to your place on our first date
me: I don’t judge people; if a woman is ready then she’s ready.

Later the night I got the “you’re a great guy, but…” text, to which I replied with “lol” and deleted her number.

I’ve been following CH for 3 years now, and again, CH sirs, I ask, how do you actually pass the test for real, and not just for that moment?

Thanks and keep up the good word.

Since this was a first date (and not a first meet), she probably asked the question because she was beginning to feel like a conquest to you. She needed some sign from you that she was more than a passing fancy. Therefore, getting cutesy was not the best response. Playing the “define” game is fun at first, but will quickly grow tiresome because it sounds like you’re hiding something.

You didn’t allay her slut fears, so you got what a lot of “too smooth for his own good” players get: A make-out that validated the girl, followed by a preemptive, pre-sex rejection that salvaged her ego and allowed her to preserve a belief in her propriety. You ran into a classic anti-slut defense wall, and your words reinforced the bricks.

The cocksure attitude of player profligacy that will attract women has a shelf life. You can’t keep it up and expect the same results on date three that you had during minute two. At some point, she’ll want the presence of the “real you”, especially if she in any way considers you a possible long-term lover, and if she doesn’t get the real you that fun vibe which sparked her first tingles will fade until it’s replaced by doubt and emotional withdrawal.

If you have to deal with the “Are you a player?” question a lot from girls, it means you’re projecting a seductive personality too early and too strong in the interaction. You need to tone it down a little, and disqualify girls. For instance, “It’s too bad you’re a brunette, otherwise I’d be flirting with you.”