A Highly Useful And Somewhat Controversial List Of Nonverbal Teases

Are you a man of few words? Are you a man who’s frequently at a loss for words? Was your tongue removed by a mujahedin? Or do you just think that talky talk is unbecoming a real man?

Great news, silent sith lord! This post is for you. Some of the best teases (and truth be told, favorites of yer ‘umble serrator) are nonverbal messages on full throttle. It’s so much sexier and charming to communicate with a lust interest in the language of thespians and queen bee BFFs. Hereforthwithal:

Look of disgust (nose scrunched, eyes squinted).

Don’t want to walk across the room to cold open a girl slouched over her megamug of sugar tea? Look at her, wait for eye contact, then scrunch your face up like you just got a whiff of wet turd. Logic? Meaning? Feu! No need for any of that. The expression alone will be irresistible to the female ego. You’ll get one of three reactions: A self-point and quizzical look (“Is he doing that to me or someone behind me?”), an aggravated eyebrow knit, or the same face in return. Reactions one and three are your green-lights; You can work with those because the minimal level of interest has been established. Reaction two means agree and amplify: put a clothespin on your nose the next time she looks over at you.

The raised eyebrow look of phony deep thought.

Did a girl say something? Always a good time to raise your eyebrows sky high and contort your mouth downward like her words have spurred you to give them profound consideration. GIRL: “My spirit animal is a kitten!” YOU: “Hmmmm… fascinating!” Add a chin rub for the IMAX effect.

The disdainful air wank.

You know the move, where you pretend to grab your dick and make a wanking motion in the air. This is more of a neg than a tease. Use it on girls who sound full of themselves. Properly calibrated, it can be quite the hamster amphetamine.

The serious listener face.

Girl talks. Big mistake! You lean forward, prop your chin in the palms of both your hands (fingers curled up against your cheeks), squint a little, knit your eyebrows, press your lips together, and generally affect the mien of someone utterly engrossed by what he’s hearing. This tease is doubleplustingle if you do it when she’s discussing a fantastically frivolous topic, like her career.

The Eureka! face.

Did a girl make a suggestion, or come to a wary conclusion about your intentions? Thrust your finger into the air, widen your eyes, and shout “Eureka!”. Good for a punch on your shoulder, which can be redeemed later for a dick punch into her vagina.

The exaggerated Lothario face.

From across a room, locate a timid distaff fawn trembling on shaky pre-orgasmic legs, lock on, and assume the Lothario face. What’s the Lothario face? Pursed lips, a rolling motion with the head, rising and falling eyebrows, eye twinkle, and finally a blown kiss. It’s a farce, to be sure, but it happens to be a farce that often will extract a reluctant smile and laugh from the girl. It’s obviously over the top, and that’s why chicks love it. It gets them thinking, “Who is this super confident man with stones of steel clattering twixt legs? What a douche!”

“What a douche!” translates from the womanese into “What a douche whose crotch my wandering eye doth travel!”

You can use the above nonverbal teases to accelerate an already present attraction, or to coax an attraction from a preexisting condition of indifference.