The Throat Clearing Opener

Reader duderino stumbles upon an excellent jerkboy opener.

I was standing behind a hot girl at the grocery store a while back. She was fit and wore tight yoga pants. She was waffling over which sugar free energy drink to buy. I’d pulled an all nighter studying, and was beginning to feel sick. I unintentionally cleared my throat in a way that made it sound like I was telling her to gtfo of my way. She started apologizing and sheepishly grinned as I grabbed whatever had the most caffeine. I was barraged with questions about which drink was best and how she wanted something to give her energy without getting fat. Throat clearing must be an underrated opener.

I was too grumpy and caught off guard to follow through. I’ve been gaining muscle lately and aren’t used to cute girls opening me. Anyone with experience talking to girls at grocery stores?

A real man demands a woman’s attention. He doesn’t wait for her attention to fall in his lap. This reader accidentally learned the value of this truth, so next time he might try a deliberate throat clearing opener to startle and arouse a cute girl turned instantly submissive to the aural attack of his jerky, guttural impudence.

Coaxer of Shy Clits: [loudly clears throat] *hmmMMMmmm*

Little Red Clitoral Hood: Oh! I’m sorry. *sheepish grin* You looking for en energy drink? Which drink is best?

Coaxer of Shy Clits: Well, Red Bull gives you flings. I mean, wings.

Whatever you do after your throat clearing opener, don’t do beta. That means don’t give in to instinct and apologize for disturbing the girl’s tranquility.

More than a few readers have offered anecdotes in which they stoked a girl’s curiosity and feminine deference as a result of unintentionally mimicking alpha male jerkboy behavior in her company. This is interesting, because the results proceeding from accidental Game speak more forcefully to the efficacy of Game than do the results from deliberate application of Game.

When we set out on self-improvement, there is a natural human tendency to affirm the benefits of that which we have invested much effort to learn and apply. But those same benefits accrued by unintentional implementation of a behavioral change — that is, accrued without conscious apprehension of the behavioral process until after the fact, when a surprised appraisal is made — is a powerful clue that the change in behavior works as predicted.

The heart of the matter is quite disturbing to dewy-eyed and trembling-lipp’d romantic idealists when you really grasp its significance:

Maxim #65: The accidental alpha trumps the intentional beta.

The shiv withdraws, glistening with viscera.

PS There are illimitable ways to hit on girls standing in front of you at the supermarket checkout. One I’ve employed is making a comment about one of her odder choices of food items on the conveyor belt. Try to structure your comment so that it’s open-ended, leading her to invest a bit in the conversation, and possibly continuing it past the store doors. For example, “I guess I’m not the only one who eats durian fruit. What makes you think you can handle that bad boy?”

***

Amy delightfully recalls a man who plied her limbic labials with what I consider very tight grocery check-out game.

Once I was in line checking out at a grocery store and the guy behind me surveyed what I was buying (all leafy greens and fruits bc I was on a juice cleanse), and said, remind me not to come over to your place for dinner. I laughed and said it was for juicing. So then he looks at me and says with mock seriousness “you need meat.” Bold!

Indeed. Poon Commandment XIII: Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little.