Think girls don’t know about their complicity in creating safe friendzones for beta male orbiters to asexually occupy?
“Bring the movies”, this guy is not. Even his winky emoticon looks beta, like it’s not sure if the wink is too forward and might anger her.
As far as slap-downs of uppity beta males go, this one is hardcore. Combination shit test and pure sadism, an unbiased observer would have a cold heart if he didn’t feel any pity for the hapless beta. And, to be fair, not many men of whatever SMV ranking would be able to agilely parry that uppercunt and come out on top. But we here at CH mold men who are capable of taking on the hardest of ballbusters and turning those hissing broads into purring kittens.
With that in mind, Reader Ronin throws down the gauntlet,
[W]rite in with your best Captain SlapAHo responses to Emily that this guy could give if he weren’t a beta and/or in the LJBF in the first place.
Many commenters gave suggestions.
I think a neg-reframe is the best way to redirect this ship:
“What was that? Your crotch bulge was distracting me”
the ascii johnson
You can’t come up with a good answer to this that’s also congruent with his chat until then. He should have teased her about not using makeup instead of kissing her ass and I’d stay away from asking girls how their day has been. Generally, they will volunteer information if they want to talk about it. Asking people the question he did just shows he doesn’t know what to say or it’s what I make of it.
‘what’s a friend zone? does it have a roller coaster?’
A CH similar favorite (perhaps not best suited to this occasion) is:
“You flatter yourself.” (Or “don’t flatter yourself” if you’re dealing with a real temptress requiring a sharper edge.)
All of the suggestions are serviceable, only a couple are particularly good. You can’t go wrong with a “8===>~~~”, or a Birthday Cat. The best suggestion is the neg-reframe, (or as it’s more commonly known, “agree&lify”). You stand accused of desiring a sup of sweet slit, so why not try refreshing honesty and take her at her word? “Yeah, I’m jizzing in my pants right now thinking about your winning personality.” It’s better than the apologetic alternative, and you have given yourself a chance to turn a female friend into a lover.
Stay away from feigning ignorance about the friendzone (or about your friendship). No chick is gonna buy that act, and you’ll come across try-hard and butthurt. This set-up is difficult for newbs because it’s a real honey trap for betas who are prone to wearing their hurt feelings on their sleeves. That’s why it’s in a post; if you know how to handle the really tough stuff, you’ll glide through the easy pickups.
Yes, this guy started off on the wrong foot. He was two strikes down after he asked her how her day was going (lame) and called her beautiful (lamer). Just about anything he said after that to save face would have seemed incongruent. Given that reality, he may as well try a 180 in his conversational technique and summon his inner jerkboy begging to be released to the wilds. She will balk, naturally, but after a cooling-off period (say, a week), she’d be back, and that’s when he’d finally have a crack at steering their relationship to moister grounds.
What does an inner jerkboy do? He ASSUMES THE SALE.
“Walk me back?”
“Back to that friend zone you just tried to escape from :)”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you.”
Ultimately it comes down to a choice: Do you want to risk losing a female buddy for a shot at fulfilling your deepest desire with her, or do you want to carry on as a eunuch in her entourage satisfied with the faintest eddies of pleasure that ripple your way when she hangs out with you, always a torturous five feet from your insolent erection?
If the former, then dial up your jerkboy to 11, and tempt a fate that, either way, will be a blessing for you.