Email #1
Reader Salta experiences sky rockets in flight… posterior delight.
In other news…
My gf was blowing me and she playfully suggested sticking her finger up my asshole; I obviously refused. Is this a subtle, subconscious shit test checking for effeminateness?
Is your girlfriend Asian? Waifus for some reason love SURPRIZE BUTTPLAY. I don’t know if it’s because a lot of Asian women know that the prostate is an erogenous zone and capable of being stimulated during sex, or because Asian women eagerly take any opportunity to fly their kink flag and throw off the Chinese finger cuffs of the modest model minority.
Regardless, your gf’s peripatetic pointer is less a (literal) shit test of your effeminacy than it is a palimpsest of her twisted libido. It’s also quite possible that she discovered the “technique” watching porn or, less benignly, she picked it up from a former lover. Don’t overthink it. Just relax and let her introduce you the the homosex gateway plug.
***
Email #2
Lurking Gorilla suffers a penalty of boyfrienddom that bedevils many men. (What a wonderful time the pre-phone era must have been for men, who could simply walk out of the prairie home to get away from the snapper chatter.)
Can I get your advice on something, Heartiste? You are my single most trusted source of reality-based insight on distaff matters. How do you deal with a girlfriend who wants to yap your ear off on the phone every night?
She gets hurt, upset and pissy when she doesn’t get to talk to me for 20-30 minutes on the phone each day. I see her 3-4 times a week, and the other nights she wants to talk, talk, talk, talk, despite the various texts I send her throughout the day and the strong hints that I dislike long talks on the phone. This is the only thing that annoys me about her. She’s otherwise not needy at all. Maybe I need to just sack up and get over it?
I feel your pain. Understand that the phone is a girlfriend’s means of testing your commitment to the relationship, and this is more true now that actually talking on the phone has largely been replaced by texting and ichatting.
She wants reassurance that you’ve got both feet in, and your willingness to stay on the line for a half hour every day is solid proof her program to beta-tize you is yielding fruit.
Funny thing, most men don’t like talking on the phone with girls because 1. most girls are fairly boring (talk about stuff that doesn’t interest men) and 2. we like to gaze at the girl’s pretty face and arousing body as she speaks, which fortifies us for the boredom about to commence.
This is why the PHONE GAB SHIT TEST is such a powerful tool to reassure (or warn) women about their boyfriends’ inclination to commit. If a man can stand to gab with his girl on the phone for a half hour every day without the motivating pleasure of her physical form to fill him with saintly patience, then she knows he is BREAKING BETA and well on the way to forswearing all alternative pussy for hers alone.
(For many reasons, including this one, texting has been a dating market boon for men.)
Anyhow, you need to train her like you would train a youthfully rambunctious and disobedient dog who nonetheless loves you deeply. (Read the seminal post on this topic.) You have to start taking steps away from the daily phone gab. Not all at once, mind. That might scare her into crazygirl theatrics or worse. Pull back gradually. Don’t answer her call once or twice a week. Call her back either much later or the next day. At first, have a crib sheet of excuses handy to get off the phone; later, as she’s getting accustomed to your early exits, just announce you have to go and leave it at that, promptly hanging up before she has a chance to protest.
Stay true to the woman-training formula: Punish immediately, reward intermittently. As you guide her to your preferred female behavior, get in the habit of cutting her off every time she starts to ramble, and once in a while compliment her for her brevity of communication.
***
Email #3
A (non-technical) wounded warrior would like to know how best to frame his scar for maximum pussy-tingling impact.
I’ve got a question – I’ll donate $20 for your answer. I recently read your Wounded Warrior Post.
I’ve got a rather large scar on my stomach. I have it because I was born 89 days early, due to my intestines rupturing in the womb, though the doctors and my parents didn’t know at the time. My father made the decision to perform surgery on me as opposed to waiting it out seeing what happened.
They cut my mother open, took me out, cut me open, took some things out, put some things in, and sewed me back up. Because of the operation, I don’t have an inferior vena cava (but I have lots of smaller veins doing the same job).
Here’s a picture:
http://i.imgur.com/jwS9xj4.jpg?1
My question is – how would you tell the story of my scar?
Yeah, I’d forget about telling the real story. That will elicit sympathy moans from women, but not tingle moans.
Yet, you don’t want a backstory so outlandish that it conflicts with your personality. Plus, the bigger the lie and the more details you need command over, the harder it will be to keep the story straight in your head.
You need to maintain some time-appropriate distance between your injury and the present day. Don’t tell girls you got it last week. I’d probably try something like, “Skateboarding accident in high school, got it while showing off for a girl. Now I know better. I let girls show off for me.”
If you don’t want to lie, you can reframe the actual story into something less clinical. “I was a bad birth, caused my mother lots of pain as she says. I guess I haven’t changed all that much.”
I invite readers to suggest alternate stories.
***
Email #4
This reader is ready for a safari.
i was wondering, If a white man made a dating profile on blackpeoplemeet.com would women get offended or would they be like “oh this guy doesn’t give a shit about the rules, that’s alpha as fuck tingles tingles tingles.
what do you think?
Both. Taking offense and tingles are mutually inclusive. Naturally, a lot of the black women will think you’re trolling, so you’ll need to drop more “sincerity” game than you would normally use on white chicks. For example, “If I can’t put a beer on a girl’s ass when she’s standing up I don’t wanna know her.”
***
Email #5
H-man asks,
How do you deal with a woman that flirts with another man in your presence after you have entered comfort with her?
You aren’t in “comfort stage” if she’s flirting with another man.
I met this young girl – senior in college. I’m 26 and successful professional. I approached her and her friend early in the night and they joined me in a trivia team (it was trivia night at the bar, they didn’t know).
We had a great time and my girl started getting tipsy. The other friend left while I assured them both I’d take care of my girl. We spent time at the bar talking about all kinds of things. Her confusion with life and whatnot, she started tearing up a bit. I went in for the kiss and and she kissed but turned away but kept letting me reach her lips.
Sounds like you jumped into rapport too soon, before you had enough attraction. Did you qualify her, tease her, neg her, playfully push her away, flirt with other girls in her company?
When we transitioned to a different part of the bar she latched onto the first guy she saw. I’m way more attractive than him I know it was all from her making me jealous.
Well, maybe. It could also be that she found the other man more enticing and decided it was time to end the fun with you before your expectations got too high.
She started playing with his hair and he was surprised but just went with it. About 5 minutes of this nonsense I told I’m going home (I had mentioned it earlier, I was trying to pull her home). In her excitement playing with the other guy she said “okay go”. So I just left.
Wondering how to nip this type of behavior in the bud next time.
Ok, what we have here is one of two scenarios:
An immature attention whore who DOES like you and thinks that the way to arouse you to action is by making you jealous (women are dumb, #3,496 in a series) OR
A femme fatale who enjoyed your emotional tamponing and lustful stares but had no intention of following through with her putative end of the deal.
In future, you nip this behavior in the bud by avoiding premature capitulation to “talking about all kinds of things” with a girl before you have challenged her to prove her worth to you. Please consult the archives by doing a search for “game techniques”, “qualification”, “teasing”, and “push-pull”.
Also, don’t rely on drunkenness to gauge a girl’s attraction for you. Many girls will flirt ostentatiously when drunk, but will pull back when their flirting is reciprocated a little too strongly.
***
Email #6
Benson wants to know how best to trim some hedges.
I would like some feedback on this approach.
I picked my brother up from the rental car place today. There was a cute blonde girl working the desk, so I decided to try for a number. She reciprocated my teasing while she filled out some paperwork, even upping the ante a little, I’d say.
Did you lap her flirting up like a hungry chump, or did you push her off a little and accuse her of watching too many rom-coms? A lot of men think that any flirting from a girl is pretext to flirt back with a hundred time the firepower, but flirting is really about engaging and disengaging in a symphony of plausible deniability.
So after she finished helping my brother, I pulled out my phone and said,
“Put your number in there.”
Her: “Why?”
“So I can text and call you.”
Her: “I have a boyfriend.”
“I won’t tell him.”
I’m not a fan of this reply. It puts frontmost in her mind the illicit nature of her interaction with you, which will trigger her ASD (anti-slut defense). Should’ve tried this instead.
Her: “But I will, and he’ll get mad that I’m texting you, and I don’t want him to get mad at you because you’re nice.”
“Call it planning for the future,” I said as I set my phone down in front of her and pointed at the key pad.
She stared at my phone for a second, look up and said, “I can’t, but I appreciate it.”
It’s sound a little dry when I type it out, but the exchange was playful. She also said most guys wouldn’t ask for a number, and it was cool that I tried. But I didn’t hit the right buttons, so tell me what I could have done better.
There are a lot of “I have a boyfriend” neutralizers of varying effectiveness. In your case, Benson, it seems like there just wasn’t sufficient time for an attraction to develop from your back-and-forth (and were her coworkers or other customers within earshot?) and, most importantly, she really could have had a boyfriend whom she loved, and her resistance was genuine.
At least she was nice in her rejection, assuring you that your romantic interest really did liven her day. A nice girl with empathy? Yeah, the odds went up that she really has a boyfriend she doesn’t want to leave.