Platonica

We come from the land of the sexless chode,
From the bedroom gloom where the sheets are cold.
The blueness of our balls will drive our ships to incel,
To fap to porn, whining and crying: Platonica, I am coming!
-led zeppelin

The platonic boyfriend. A fate that feels worse than death for the young man with level 99 horny ability.

We here at CH have discussed how to extricate oneself from entrapment in a platonic asexual hell, and how to avoid it when it looms. Now we need to delve into why some men can never seem to escape banishment to Platonica. Why does this anhedonic phenomena happen to some and not others.

Part of the reason stems from a corrupted, arrested development from a slow start in the dating market. A man’s ego will struggle to fully develop if his formative experiences with girls are missteps and rejections. His stunted ego compels him to neediness, and he thereafter interacts with girls from a position of subordination, always appeasing his master in the hopes of winning her acceptance.

This is what makes girls feel like the man from Platonica is their “special” friend. His indifference to maintaining any walls or defenses between himself and women makes them feel way too comfortable in his presence, like he’s their little brother or humble fat girl friend. He is a eunuch cipher, built to sponge up a woman’s emotional effluvium and encouraging it with his nonthreatening asexuality.

This of course makes his situation worse. His openness and kindness remove any feeling of sexual tension, which is needed to spark a romance.  If the sexual tension is missing in the early dating stages, forget it, it’s over Johnny.

The man from Platonica sometimes gets excited when girls take the initiative of calling him first, but this is a bad sign, not the good one he thinks it is. A girl who feels no sexual apprehension or romantic investment won’t be uncomfortable emailing, calling, or texting a “great guy friend” out of the blue.

The way out of Platonica is to never get caught in its gravitational pull. That means not being an open book. Be a little mysterious. Hold something back. Don’t be exceedingly patient with women when they make feints to using you for emotional catharsis. Don’t be afraid to inject percolating, insistent sexuality into every fiber of your being. Basically, force women into your frame.

Life is too short, and pussy isn’t prime forever.

and plan for the game, cuz you figure

you gon’ be older

way longer than you gon’ be younger.
-lil kim