Beta Of The Month: A Brainscape Strewn With Discarded Testicles

Do we have a blockbuster BOTM contest for you readers today! Buckle up, buttplug out, kebab removed, you’re about to have the honor and the privilege to Detox the BOTM Buttox.

BOTM Candidate #1: Geld One and Geld Two

First, take a gander at this hot mess and then guess the backstory.

Avowed polyamorists are almost universally VLSMV (Very Low Sexual Market Value). This is especially true of polyandrous arrangements. The male facsimilies who volunteer to be shared by one (ugly) woman are so wretchedly unlovable that only the mentally diseased leftoid webzine Salon can identify with their cause.

Everyone wants to know how my polyamorous family works. You’d be surprised how normal we really are.

She got that right. Everyone seeing these circus freaks would be surprised if they exhibited characteristics that were faintly humanoid.

One of the biggest hurdles in non-monogamy — probably the hurdle — is jealousy. My husband was an incredibly jealous person back then, but he began to question its usefulness and purpose.

Was this questioning before or after the chemical castration?

Jealousy is born from a fear of losing a partner; if you believe that love and intimacy can be shared, and are not diminished by sharing, then that fear loses a lot of its power.

No, male jealous is born from a fear of cuckoldry. This is classic projection of the female sexual and emotional world onto men.

I often talk to her about the fact that society frowns on families like ours, and whenever I mention the claims that polyamory is bad for children, she rolls her eyes and says, “Oh no, kids having more people to love them! How horrible!”

TheDarndestThingsThatKidsNeverSaid.txt

My boyfriend and I are planning a (non-legal) wedding ceremony next summer, and would likely legally marry if we could. But it’s painful to know that many people in our lives will never take our relationship completely seriously, or see it as entirely real.

Of course it’s painful to her. That’s her mind-body axis telling her what she’s doing is depraved and… problematic… to her social fitness.

When my daughter talks about same-sex marriage or polyamorous relationships, she always looks perplexed and says, “I don’t understand why anyone is angry about people being in love and not hurting anyone.”

The battle cry of the Millennial misfit.

Maxim #109: Consensual polyamory is a contrived hookup service for undesirable sexual market rejects.

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BOTM Candidate #2: Love Chair Troll

You know what’s unforgivably beta? Sticking around in the same place to witness your dignity getting shredded. Why didn’t this droopy dog just stand up and leave?

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BOTM Candidate #3: Pink Letter Pussboy

Forwarded with an explanation from reader Shitlord_2000:

My girlfriend who is 27 and a HB8, was at the gym doing some cardio on one of the hamster wheel machines they have a plethora of at her gym that basic bitches seem to love, when some young ‘kid’ (her words, not mine) comes into her periphery and puts the following in her hand.

“text me if you want”

Cowards write sappy letters to their muses. Sacked-up men approach and say “Hi”. It’s the difference between seeing the world from under a pussy pedestal, and seeing it side-by-side with a woman down on earthly ground.

Don’t pretend you’re a swooning romantic to allay the suspicion you’re really just a huge pussy. BUSTAMOVE. (Charitably, since this “kid” might be young and inexperienced, it’s worth cutting him some slack. But not too much slack… that way lies John Scalzification.)

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BOTM Candidate #4: Tats For Nothing

Courtesy of reader Tom:

I met a female tattoo artist from Toronto in London doing daygame, 24 with huge boobs and quickly ticked all of the boxes for a same day lay. I ended up spending about 7 hours with her and though I didn’t actually get laid she did leave my flat with my cum in her mouth.

So far, so alpha, the beta bit is a story she told me about her exploits on Tinder.

She matched some guy on Tinder who sent her a message saying “If you could tattoo anything on me what would you do?” Her response was “A transsexual Jesus nailed to a cross with my name and surrounded by buttplug ivy”

HE ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH IT AND GOT THE TATTOO! As, I assume, a strategy to get laid.

However it didn’t even work, in her words “He hit the roof when I declined a 2nd date”

First date, hours of needle in the back getting a tranny jesus tattoo. 2nd date, declined.

I actually have a photo of the tattoo, it’s his entire back and he didn’t get so much as a hand job.

I wish I had that photo to post here, but Tom either didn’t send it or I lost it in the shuffle.

Maxim #45: Don’t appease before she’s had your peen.

Corollary to Maxim #45: Better yet, don’t appease. Ever.

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And finally…. (this one needs a build-up)…(ps it’s NSFW)…(trust me)…

BOTM Candidate #5: The Palace Eunuch Pube Groomer

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The skinnyfat middle and punchable shitlib face echo indicate that this is a DEFCUCK 1,000 beta male grooming apprentice. I.e., the realio dealio, and not a sexually satisfied boyfriend doing his chick a short n curly solid.

But even if he were a legit boyfriend, or alternately a gay slumber party buddy, this act of defiance against all norms of masculinity would qualify him as a worthy BOTM contender. If, as I suspect, he’s worse than that — a beta male orbiter so sexually invisible and inoffensive that this woman feels comfortable propping him mere inches from her vagina to pluck some ingrown pubes — then by my reckoning he has to go down as one of the all-time “greatest” beta losers, veering dangerously close to omega male territory. (What stops him from going all the way is that omega males don’t even get to see pussy this close up.)

The voting: