Chateau Heartiste

Introducing The Cuckryan: The Male Analogue Of The Cockblock

Reader TLM shares a vivid memory of a cuckryan in his group of friends who cuckryaned them all out of easy lays.

There’s always a Ryan type in every male group of friends until the group shuns them out of coming around anymore. My buddy was banging this chick once in our apartment and his girlfriend showed up. She kept pounding (pun intended) on his door while he was stuck in their with the other chick with no where to go. So one of the guys in our group (we had all come back with girls except him) starts helping my buddy’s girlfriend try and pick the bedroom lock (Those cheap apartment locks can be picked with a bobby pin). Now my buddy is naked holding the door closed while this guy is white knighting the shit out of the situation. So the girlfriend storms off. The chick my buddy was screwing around with is wigged out and wants to leave. She takes her friends that the rest of us are screwing around with, with her. And there we all are at 2AM with a bunch of blue balls because the weak guy in our group couldn’t pull down any trim and had to ruin it for the rest of it. I believe my buddy and him went at it the next day.

This is the kind of guy Ryan is. His father should have drowned him in a river when he was an infant. What a fag.

I have similar stories. It goes to show that all it takes is one cuckryan white knight toolbag to screw it up for all the cool dudes.

“damn, I coulda had that chick but Herb fuckin’ cuckryaned me when he asked her if she was sober enough to give consent.”

“cuckryans man, they’re the worst. you gotta learn how to neutralize a cuckryan.”

“oh yeah? how?”

“if the cuckryan is part of your squad you gotta tool him in front of the girl. say to her, ‘this is my dorky friend Herb. go easy on him he has a knack for blowing up good times’.”

“nice!”

“if the cuckryan isn’t your friend, you befriend him and keep him happy for a little while, then when the timing’s right tell the girl that the cuckryan and her are a perfect match, they look like they’re really in love. she’ll deny so hard the cuckryan will have to walk away in shame.”

“damn man you should charge for this.”

The OC (original cuckryan), PAUL RYAN, white knights for thecunt and prepares to screw America out of an easy greatness close. It’s time to SHAME him out of public life.