Shiv Of The Week: Still Single Tho Girl

There are friendzonings so cold that men reading about them from hundreds of galactic zones away can feel the chill in their bones.

I’ve seen masterful vivisections of orbiters before, but this LJBF scalpel removed the fool beta’s id and placed it outside to sizzle under the hot sun. One might say our Good Christian Girl crucified Daniel’s upstart apostolic lurch.

Note that this beta orbiter is not gay. If he was, the girl would not feel compelled to append a brutally perfunctory #stillsingletho tag to her post; if the beta was gay, she would know all her friends know that he’s gay and the tag would make no sense. This was specifically a tag intended to remind both the orbiter and any real men reading that her pussy is OFF-LIMITS to the orbiter and IMMEDIATELY AVAILABLE to any man with the BALLS to JUST SAY NO to the friendzone.

I hereby declare Still Single Tho Girl to be the female equivalent of Skittles Man, Nah Man, and Bring The Movies guy. She takes emotional fulfillment from a hapless dopey beta male orbiter without giving an ounce of her sexual fulfillment in return, just as Skittles Man takes sexual fulfillment from his hapless smitten girlfriends without giving an ounce of his emotional fulfillment to them. Well OK, he gives about 12 ounces….of Skittles.

Incels and insols are not the loneliest people in the world. That distinction belongs to the friendzoned beta orbiter whose romantic loneliness is compounded by the excruciating juxtaposition of the physical and emotional nearness of his oneitis with the cosmic immensity of her sexual remoteness.

There is no loneliness worse than the tortured loneliness.

I have a powerful message for lovelorn beta male orbiters stuck in the gravitational pull of the friendzone black hole: Paying a hooker for sex is more dignified than pretending to enjoy being blue-balled by your cold-hearted lust object.

(“Why cold-hearted?”, asks the pleb. I’ll tell you why. Because EVERY chick wielding the power of the friendzone knows EXACTLY what her emotional tampon wants from her, and yet #ShePersists in draining her sexually thwarted beta buddyboy of the last drops of his dignity and often while feeding him just enough morsels of hope to keep him tagging around in asexual limbo and giving her what she wants from him….which in this case is Top Golf, dinner, flowers, ice cream, and horseback riding. The horse was her sexual outlet. Cucked by a horse!)

Recall an ancient CH maxim: Sexless resource extraction is the female version of the uncommitted sexual extraction practiced by alpha males.

If after our unconscionably stoic beta sucker Daniel gets his head straight upon blowing his load in a hooker’s strait, he can go here to read about methods for curing his oneitis, and thus releasing himself from the souldeath of the friendzone.