The Low Self-Esteem Hottie

A rare breed — the low self-esteem hottie — is a delight at the moment of capture in the wild, and a curse when thereafter responsible for her caged domestication.

Naked in a lover’s bedroom and sitting on her desk, one leg propped on the desk’s chair (feel free to picture this), I was fiddling with knick knacks, smiling at her equally naked form lithely upright on the bed, when she sheepishly pulled the bedsheet over her knees. Morning light struggled to pierce the heavy canvas curtain over the window and she seemed to retreat into shadow.

“I’m embarrassed. I don’t have a great body,” she said.

I studied her quizzically, deciding her segue, which was completely at odds with the fact of her great body, deserved a sincere reply. “Really, you have a beautiful body. You don’t need to feel embarrassed.”

The combination of her surprising vulnerability and the sound of my voice comforting her as it mouthed the words “you have a beautiful body” caused a rehardening of the dick-shaped diorama I had impertinently thrown across her desk and chair. The rehardening created a sublime scene in which my supportive words could not have been more blatantly affirmed by my exquisitely timed tumescence.

The ideal low self-esteem hottie is the girl who accepts your sincere affirmations without reservation, and grows with your guidance to become a less neurotic woman, bonding more strongly to you along your shared path. Unfortunately, I have met exceedingly few of these kinds of low self-esteem hotties (who themselves are a minority among the high self-esteem hotties). The typical low self-esteem hottie gets worse the longer one dates her; relationships or flings that are heading toward relationship status — and thus more security for the woman — have the opposite effect on the LSE hottie, nourishing her neuroticism and feeding a manipulative compulsion to sabotage the relationship with her self-doubt and obsessive demands for external validation.

In fact, my take is that the LSE hottie is an evolved female archetype whose purpose (unbeknownst to her) is to filter out supplicating men unable to resist her vulnerability charms and who are given to alleviating her self-doubt whenever she deems their services necessary. These weak men lose her interest rapidly. What she wants is the strong man who knows the right amount of comforting validation is the smallest amount possible without pushing her over the edge to self-cutting. This man — the alpha male — gives her a little, and takes from her more than a little, which has the effect of placing emotional guardrails around her urge for approval-seeking manipulations.