A Crib Sheet Of All-Purpose Shit Test Replies

The female shit test is a subconscious mate assessment algorithm to determine which men are worth a woman’s untethered sexuality. There isn’t an equivalent intrinsic* male version because men assess women’s mate value with a split second glance at her face and body and yoga pant-delineated camel toe. For men, verbal tests of a woman’s grace under pressure aren’t necessary to filter YOLO chicks from HELLNO chicks. Women DO need limbic access to shit tests, though, because they evaluate men’s SMV using a holistic mental template of their ideal man that includes social status, dominance, confidence, looks, resource acquisition potential, and perhaps most importantly, personality, and most of these beguiling male traits aren’t easily discernible by women in a few seconds’ of social interaction.

*There is an extrinsically acquired male shit test, which could collectively be called “Game” as its purpose is to challenge a woman to “show what else she’s got besides her looks”.

Female shit tests generally fall into three categories: The dominance shit test for male toughness, the compliance shit test for male dignity, and the reproductive fitness shit test for male charisma.

Examples of the three types of female shit tests:

Dominance Test

“You’re not in my league.”

Compliance Test

“Buy me a drink.”

Fitness Test

“I bet you’re a player.”

All these shit tests routinely nuke beta males’ chances with women, because inexperienced or self-doubting men either don’t know how to answer them effectively, or they don’t have the bantz balls to give women the rhetorical jackhammering the fairer sex so strongly and secretly desires as prologue to clamping log.

Related to the topic of this post, a reader (Ron B) had a Game question about how to reply to a girl who unloaded a shit test on him in text. (Regrettably, I was not immediately available to help this man, because I would have given him the good advice he needed but failed to execute).

Text from girl (who was competing in a tournament this weekend):

“So you’re not gonna ask me how I did?”

This is an obvious shit test, but I’m struggling with the reply. Any ideas?

This is a Compliance Shit Test with an element of Fitness Shit Testing thrown in for extra credit. Girls don’t shit test in this way unless they already like the man and need additional reassurance that he’s worth pursuing. There’s a hint of insecurity in the shit test, but don’t be fooled; you still need to nuke it from orbit. Female displays of insecurity are often traps to lure less savvy men into supplicating postures of tingle-killing courtliness.

CH Maxim #46: A good Rule of Manhood is that for every three Blurts of Insecurity from a girl, one is sincere. Call it the 2/3rds Female Affectation Ratio.

Ron B correctly identified the DIK ASSESSMENT PAIN BOX he was about to stumble into, but unfortunately the reply he chose was the weaker of his many options.

Her:
So you’re not gonna ask how I did?
Me:
huh?
Her:
In the competition 😂
Me:
Oh yeah how’d that go?
Her:
Pretty well the whole team got 2nd in the nation overall
Me:
2nd in the nation, 1st in my heart. GO [team name]!
Her:
Wow didn’t realize you were so enthusiastic about figure skating

Now what?

If “huh?” was my reply, I wouldn’t have used the question mark. Just “huh”. It’s more ambiguous and less apt to make the girl wonder if I’m a dolt. (Really bitchy BPD chicks will respond to “huh?” with some nasty “r u playing dumb?” remark, so be prepared ahead of time for that possibility.) The insufficiency of “huh?” is evident in the text path that Ron forced himself to follow afterwards, when he wound up complying with her shit test anyhow. Personally, I would have sent her a trophy emoji, in the fashion of Birthday Cat, which has the power to lead to all sorts of fruitful convo threads that heighten sexual tension rather than release it. You could even play it off like you were thinking of some entirely different competition than the one she actually participated in: “Wait, we aren’t talking about winning a pole dancing event?”.

Ron B continues,

“Huh?” might be the better option.

But what about: “It’s nice when a girl texts first once in a while :)” Reframes the convo to my frame, makes her look the chaser.

Or do you think that sounds too beta?

BETA. Don’t do it. Step back from the pussyhat ledge. When a girl gets that line, she’ll think, “I guess he has to text girls first all the time. LA-HOOZER.” Better: “Someone needs attention. Sigh, my burden is never light.”

Commenter hans has a really good reply for Ron B:

“You better be a winner, girl!”

Though I may not be the best advisor right now.
I´m in an utter “take no shit” mood lately, especially towards wymminz.

Don’t worry, hans. Chicks dig men who take no shit, utterly. I like this reply because it works on a deeper, almost NLP-ish subliminal level. The girl hears two meanings: did she win her competition, and is she a winnergirl who can keep the interest of this stones bold man?

Back to Ron B, who gives us the full text exchange,

Her:
So you’re not gonna ask how I did?
Me:
huh?
Her:
In the competition 😂
Me:
Oh yeah how’d that go?
Her:
Pretty well the whole team got 2nd in the nation overall
Me:
2nd in the nation, 1st in my heart. GO HENS!
Her:
Wow didn’t realize you were so enthusiastic about figure skating
Me:
Are you back at [our mutual college] yet?
Her:
No I get back tomorrow at like 7pm
Me:
Oh so you can see me Tuesday night
Her:
Maybe 😏 I’ll think about it
Me:
Don’t think too much

Ok, so, do I wait for her to reach out to me Tuesday? Or will I reinitiate?
Thanks everyone, for the advice. t. college game newbie

The girl’s sarcastic “didn’t realize you were so enthusiastic about figure skating” is of course another shit test, of the Fitness Probing variety. One tried-and-true counter-maneuver to the shit test is to Ignore&Plow, which Ron B did here. We’ll have to see if it was effective because the girl still feels it necessary to leave the impression she’s mulling her options/dragging her feet (“maybe..i’ll think about it”). Again, while Ignore&Plow works more often than not, it’s almost always better to banter with the heartlight of a thousand ZFG red giant balls and remind the girl that she’s in the company of a charming mofo. So, for instance, I would have replied to that figure skating quip with an equally sarcastic retort like, “Love it. A perfectly executed Triple Sow Cow brings me to tears. I’m having a hot flash just thinking about it.”

All of which brings us to the meat n’ Bartholin’s of this post: commenter Vanamee’s excellent crib sheet of all-purpose shit test replies which he/she took the time to compile from the CH Tomes of Infinite Knowledge of Love and Women, and from contributing commenters.

Catch-all replies compiled from rosy, capitan ragedy, mr hearts, the peanut gallery et moi

– Nah
– I don’t care
– It’s complicated
– No, I don’t want to get you pregnant
– Look at you, Nancy Drew
– Tell me more
– Don’t flatter yourself
– What’s it to you?
– Says you
– This and that
– Here and there
– It’s a long story
– Oh geez. Here we go again
– Damn straight
– Ghey
– Lame
– Talk a big game. Rarely as good as advertised
– Tough
– Too bad.
– Tell me I’m wrong
– Little spoons don’t ask big questions [ed: or, “…don’t make the rules”]
– I know
– Thanks
– Naturally
– Sure you/we can
– Askn for it

the less logical or linear the reply, the better

Succinctly put. I’d add a few more nonlinear slicked quim-shivs to that list:

• Birthday Cat emoji
• I’m a stone cold killer who loves to spoon
• bring da movies
• who bitch this is? (choose your timing wisely)
• low energy
• #FakeHate (use this on sassy girls giving you over-the-top grief)
• Swayback emoji
• E for effort

And from the all-time number one most-read post at the Chateau:

• tits or gtfo

Happy hunting, and don’t forget to practice Safe Seduction (out of her parents’ sight).