Cucumber In Her Tailpipe Game

This clip is from a British dating show. Like all reality shows, it’s likely staged and scripted (in full or in part). However, if there’s any ad libbing going on, and the participants’ reactions look unrehearsed, then there’s a nugget of life lessons we can extract for our benefit.

Fair play to @@MikeThalassitis, he’s snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. #CelebsGoDating pic.twitter.com/ZvzJLmeQGu

— E4 (@E4Tweets) February 5, 2018

I’ll admit I laughed. The whole way through. Good writers, or this guy is funny af.

So much great jerkboy Game on display. In before the “only looks matter” loser crü, yes I know /ourGreek/ is handsome. Which is why operators paired him off with a hard 9. But before you lament your droopy jawline, console yourself that the jerkish charm of the Greek would work just as well for any man. If you’re like most men and you have average looks, you could parrot the Greek’s patter to similar effect on girls — doggy dinner bowl face. Now I’m not claiming an ugly man can nab a 9 by talking like this (and with the same ZFG confidence); instead I’m telling you that an ugly man can nab better looking girls with “Cucumber in her tailpipe” Game than the girls he would normally attract just being his anxious uglyman self.

A quick rundown of Greek’s Game:

0:00 — Greek follows the “two in the kitty” Poon Commandment.

0:18 — “You look nice tonight,” while picking his nose. Very rare verbal-nonverbal mixed signal neg.

0:24-0:29 — She drops her first shit test. “Up here please”. He passes it with flying colors. (A betadroid would have apologized for his impudence.)

0:30-0:47 — She hits him with her second shit test, and it’s a doozy (calling him stupid). Again, he passes it easily by resorting (in so many words) to the classic CH Game technique Agree&Amplify. At 0:46, you see the effect his ZFG insouciance it has on her (it lights up her face).

0:48 — He flips the script and challenges her to a battle of wits. Now she has to qualify herself to him. (Remember a key Game concept: when a girl feels like she’s chasing, she’s tingling.)

0:52 — He plays a childish word game. She eagerly complies. That’s our hero’s first compliance hoop, which she jumped through no questions asked. Chicks dig children’s games.

1:10 — she thinks she’s zinged him, but he turns the tables on her when he teases her for “ruining” the game. At this point, you can practically hear the splooge coleecting on her seat.

1:14 — HER: “cause I’m just cleveeeeerrr” HIM: “hmm”. Nuclear Neg. (You don’t have to say much to get your neg across.)

***

A pause to remind the studio audience that hard 8s and above require at least two solid negs and preferably three or more to sufficiently lower their bitch shields and open their limbic lobes to the romantic possibilities with you. Plain Janes would wilt under an assault of negs, and ugly girls would cry. This is Mystery style Game 101, and you can see it in action here.

***

1:22 — Aaaaand Neg #3! She tells him she’s a beauty contest winner, and he asks how many women entered that competition, (implying that her win wouldn’t be impressive if there were two other girls).

1:30 — She spends some time trying to DHV him with her plans to become Miss England. Instead of groveling before her beauty like a beta would do, he (figuring out quickly what she was up to) simply alters the subject to be about her surname.

1:45 — Him, describing his surname, “stands for seaman”. He says it with a straight face, too, which makes it funnier. Best part is the follow-up; without losing a beat, he describes in detail the confusion that she might be feeling about the meaning of “seaman”. This is a critical juncture of the date, because what he’s done here is akin to NLP (subliminal language): he’s planted sex thoughts in her mind and now she won’t stop thinking about sex with him.

1:55 — She asks him twice if he speaks Greek, first time in English, second time in Greek. This is a challenge, and he knows it. Instead of a direct response (aka the dancing monkey response), he replies with his own question, asking her if she speaks Greek. She says yes. and this gives him the opening (heh) to showcase a truly stellar example of pure uncaring ZFG asshole Game — watch his face for what amused mastery looks like in action — and he asks her in Greek if she’d want a cucumber up her bum.

2:04 — POOF goes the hamster. Her face at this moment is that perfect mix of anger and arousal. Remember the CH maxim: The opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference. She calls him a wanker. That’s when he knows he has her.

2:07 — If a beta male was called a wanker by a girl, he would turtle and either beg forgiveness or try to save face by excusing his behavior as the fault of his waning sobriety or the fault of her not getting the joke. HAHA JUST KIDDING. No no no, this is why betas fail with beautiful women. /ourGreek/ knows the score; instead of getting trapped in a recursive loop of betafying behavior, he quickly and unceremoniously announces he’s ready to go and she’d better hurry and down her drink. This accomplishes three objectives: it shows he cares not a whit for her opinion (which raises his SMV relative to hers), it disrupts her thought process (she thinks she has hand, but now she doesn’t), and it reinforces the dynamic he wants which is her chasing his approval and his momentum instead of the usual way these things go.

2:16 — “I’m gonna play Flappy Bird while you drink that”. Silly non sequiturs are an integral part of pickup, best used right at the moment you’ve brought a girl up to the line of genuine anger. The sudden and unpredictable humor of this non sequitur completely deflates her previous ire over his demands on her to hurry up and finish drinking.

2:25 — It just gets better. /ourGreek/ is putting on a Game clinic. Sensing her anti-slut defense system gearing up for duty (which is understandable given that he basically told her to wrap it up so they can get home and bang), he disqualifies himself as a sexual possibility when he tells her she’s drunk and he “doesn’t want to take advantage of her” so he’ll call her a cab. What does this do to a girl’s frame of reference? For one, it rejiggers her self-identification from “I’m a hottie every man wants to fuck” to “This guy wants to send me home and he’s been teasing me all night…am I not hot enough for him?”

2:37 — Final shit test. She tells him she’s going home after the date. He replies “No I’m not, you are.” Not exactly a reply that makes sense with a second thought, but it works because it again takes the decision-making ball away from her. If there’s to be sex, he’s implying, it’ll be him who decides.

2:40 — “Are you ready [to leave together]?” He can tell from her face that she won’t turn down his final offer.

2:45 — She says goodbye. He continues following her as if he didn’t hear her. Bold move.

End scene, he softens her up with conventional chit chat just before the timing is right to execute a simultaneous leaning-in and kiss close.