When The Jumbotron Test Is Crushed

The Jumbotron Test is essentially a visualization of Poon Commandments V and VI.

Jumbotron Test:

Every text or email or recordable instance of conversation you have with a girl must follow this simple rule:

If it were given a public airing, let’s say on a blog or a sports stadium jumbotron, you should feel comfortable with what you have written for the world to see. You should not feel an urge to wince, because it will be clear to everyone reading it how alpha you are. If the thought of someone other than you and your girl reading your permanently archived romantic exchanges makes you cringe with embarrassment, then you are doing something wrong that will eventually lead to your girl dumping you.

Poon Commandment V:

V. Adhere to the golden ratio

Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas. Refraining from reciprocating everything she does for you in equal measure instills in her the proper attitude of belief in your higher status. In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.

Poon Commandment VI:

VI. Keep her guessing

True to their inscrutable natures, women ask questions they don’t really want direct answers to. Woe be the man who plays it straight — his fate is the suffering of the beta. Evade, tease, obfuscate. She thrives when she has to imagine what you’re thinking about her, and withers when she knows exactly how you feel. A woman may want financial and family security, but she does not want passion security. In the same manner, when she has displeased you, punish swiftly, but when she has done you right, reward slowly. Reward her good behavior intermittently and unpredictably and she will never tire of working hard to please you.

I’ve seen, heard of, and executed some impressive text game that could publicly air to accolades from discerning viewers, but I’ve rarely seen the Jumbotron Test (or should I call it, the Jumbrotron Test) crushed so thoroughly as it was in this exchange:

Skittles Man has met his match: 2$ Big Towels Bro.

Ok ok I know what you’re all thinking…”Look at the chick, CH. It’s easy to give zero fucks when the fuck is a zero.”

No argument there. State control doesn’t operate in a vacuum; the amplitude of the disturbance matters. Still, many omegas and betas fail the Jumbotron Test under extremely favorable conditions. So give this bro some love, he spun that broad’s hamster wheel into orbit and gave the public a good laugh.