The Abortion Test

Here’s a good litmus test to determine if the girl you’re dating (read: boffing) is committed relationship material. I call it the Abortion Test, and as a measure of a woman’s commitment worthiness it’s almost as good as the Cock Count Test.

When you get a chance, pry her about her abortion history. Best Girls will not have had abortions, of course, but the CDC reports that upwards of 1 out of 4 American women have had at least one abortion in their lifetimes. (The White woman ratio is likely lower than that; the abortion industry disproportionately serves women of color.) So as an American man you have to figure there’s a decent chance your princess has had at least one prenatal princeling vacuum pumped.

If she confesses to having had a past abortion, gauge her response as she recollects it for you. Is she full of regret and pain in the retelling? She might pass as LTR material. She made a mistake and knows it; she still has a feminine soul.

Or does she recount it with the dead black eyes of a psychokiller, utterly unmoved by remembrance of the ordeal? Perhaps even dismissing it with a selfish “and THANK GOD I did, because I never would have made it through Lotsa Cockas University with my Slut Studies degree if I had to take care of a kid.” Double bag it and hide the valuables, because you, sir, are getting laid tonight! Just remember to leave before the first morning light and never contact her again.

A reader addressed the topic,

…people gravely underestimate the emotional damage [abortions] do to a woman, it leaves them broken, unable to interact with children in a normal way for the rest of their lives.   Everytime they see a child, think of a child, somewhere deep inside a little voice asks what would the child I murdered look like today what would it be doing.

…and the kind of women who aren’t emotionally affected by their abortions?…..you don’t want to be with those kinds. Those women have lost an essential piece of their womanhood, which they aren’t getting back. Or they never had that piece to begin with. Taking a broken bird like that into your kingdom is taking in half of a woman; and the half that’s missing can never be filled by anything a man could offer.

They are affected, they just won’t admit it, they are the most dangerous, they are emotionally ready to explode at any time.

With sexperience, a man will be able to discern which women are sincere in their insistence of emotional disengagement and which women are faking it to protect their tissue paper thin egos. I’ve met both kinds, and while the latter are more common, the former are downright chilling. An emotionally dead woman is a faint echo of womanhood; her coldness on matters fetal belies a pact made with the devil: the nurturing part of her feminine essence in exchange for a veneer of empowered self-guidance.