Wedding Photos As Portents Of Dystopia

Spot the signs of dystopia in the above wedding photos. (zoomable link)

1. Where’s the groom? Oh right, he’s hiding behind the attention whore bride. A mere afterthought.
2. The bride is racially ambiguous and kind of a slut (you can almost see her panties in the bottom pic…she doesn’t care if her dress flies up (in fact, that’s the goal)), not to mention a world class camera hog.
3. Everyone is probably drunk on wine and double IPAs.
4. Lotta fatties, men and women. I spot one bangably thin girl (she also gets the most air in the photos, haha). One of the fatties in the back can’t even get off the ground.
5. The men have hops guts and soyfaces. The two thin men loudly ping my gaydar.
6. The groom himself looks to be bi-swishual. Beardgroom alert.
7. All the men have gloryhole face and soft, plump cheeks suitable for storing cocks for the winter.
8. And finally, the crowning omen: the black chick on the far left doing her best Serena Williams bodybuilding pose impression. In the second pic, she looks like she’s uppercutting the White chick. The first pic is pure lulz. That grimace:

Goodbye, America? Ha, we’re past that. It’s Please Come Back, America now. What we need more than ever is Turn Back The Clock, America. Or, Bust The Clock and Build A New One, America.

I’ve found that wedding photos analyzed over time provide a window into a nation’s character, revealing which way the culture drifts. 2018 wedding photos (or in this case, a 2013 photo) are the equivalent of peering into the abyss; the dystopia gazes back, gleefully, unapologetically.

it’s a nice day to shame yourself
it’s a nice day for a blight wedding
it’s a nice day to shame yourself, ow!

The emailer who sent the photos provides context:

This picture was posted to Reddit today, front page. The OP posted it with this title: “5 years ago, I was told I single handily ruined a some wedding photos. I think I made them better.. I’m the one on the far left.” I’ve gotta say, all the dudes look pretty effeminate? The only one who looks out of place in this picture is the black girl, and she looks the most masculine here. I’m guessing all the dudes are holding the flowers because the girls needed their hands free to control their dresses during the jump? (If it was me, I would have left the flowers on the ground, hell, I’m not sure I’d do much more than the black girl). Even the groom looks fairly effeminate. Digital cameras have created this jump picture trend (pre-digital cameras you wouldn’t be bothered wasting precious physical film to get a dumb jump picture). And sure, celebrities are right in saying that a picture is just a moment in time and you can capture a ridiculous celebrity facial anytime of the day, something which doesn’t convey the actual emotions of the person, but these men are actively and knowingly setting themselves up to be captured like this. This is a far far cry from Trump’s jump picture. Just look and be wowed: http://i.imgur.com/a3myhio.jpg – hands in pockets, looking away from the camera, not too amused (mouth closed too, heh, although it looks like he is mid-speech), open crotch pose. To be honest, considering this was taken during the days of physical film, I doubt Trump was even expecting this picture to be snapped. It looks like someone dared him to jump, or he is making a joke about cheerleaders perhaps – his lips seem to indicate he is talking.

It’s one thing to be caught unwittingly making a weird face by a quick draw snapshotter; it’s quite another to act like an effete slop of soy (over and over) for all the takes a wedding photographer requires to get that just-right pic. Former: momentary shame. Latter: lifelong shamelessness.

As the Trump pic proves, jump shots aren’t necessarily ghey (though they usually are). A stone cold ladyslayer like Trump could make any stupid pose look alpha. But, for most men (and lanklets) the pom pom photo is yet another opportunity in the path of their lives to memorialize their screamingly womanish and callow characters. Compare and contrast:

vs