Spot The Alpha: Big Face Edition

A number of readers emailed me this photo:

[Today we have a guest appearance by famed Yankee sportscaster Phil Rizzuto, the voice behind the sexually suggestive play-by-play in Meat Loaf’s Paradise by the Dashboard Light, to give us the color commentary for this photo.]

Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker
going here, two world leaders, nobody on, no score,
bottom of the American empire, there’s the walk-up and
there it is, a dead fish handshake tucked in close, look
at Obama try-hard. This boy can really fail!
He’s getting his fingers squeezed and really smiling a lot
now, he’s not letting up at all, he’s gonna
try for the shoulder pat; the alpha maneuver is bobbled off-center,
and here comes Medvedev’s response, and what a snub!
He’s not even gonna turn his head, here he comes, he’s alpha!
And, wait, a smirk–a smirk and a head cock, this Russian really
makes the amateur pay with his haughty disdain.
Obama steps up to the podium, here’s the greeting–
he’s leaning in, and what beta body language he’s got, he’s trying
too hard, here’s the shake, it’s by the fingertips–
dissed in public! Holy cow, stolen dignity!
Obama’s taking a pretty bad beating out there, almost
begging him to turn and face him directly. Medvedev
doesn’t even glance over, stands his ground, and it’s signaled, signaled
to the mass media, the new world order is on!
Here comes the new guy, alpha play, and it’s not even close,
here’s the match-up, there’s the play at the podium,
holy cow, Medvedev won’t even share a mic!
It’s a bad day for American leadership, folks!

***

I’m back. Thanks, Phil. Great JOOORB for a dead guy. The first time I analyzed the alpha-beta interplay of world leaders, it garnered a lot more controversy. But this photo leaves no doubt. Not since Kruschev’s theatrical shoe banging incident and his infamous “We will bury you” pronouncement, has there been such attempted disrespect of an American leader.

But, times have changed. Back then, though America was not as rich or decadent as she is now, she was a power on the rise. Perception matters, and right now the perception, justifiably, (thank you, massive third world immigration) is that America is a fading power. Which brings us to an interesting thought experiment. Judged only by the actions of Kruschev’s and Medvedev’s reactions to American leadership, in which time period was America more likely to be the alpha:

a. when Kruschev disrespected us, or

b. when Medvedev disrespected us?

You can sometimes better analyze who is the alpha male by the reactions of those around him. Are they deferential? Hostile? Disdainful? Indifferent? Hysterical? The answer to the above thought experiment is (A). Medvedev’s cocky smirk and Obama’s approval seeking body language tell us that Medvedev believes America is a has-been, a pushover, a laughingstock. In contrast, Kruschev’s paranoiac outrage is what you would expect from a lesser alpha trying desperately to unseat the top dog.

What makes this more humiliating for America is the fact that Russia is a basket case, drowning in alcoholics and oligarchs and demographically imploding. Obama was “big faced” by a second-rate thug.

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Spot The Alpha

A reader sent me this photo of a bunch of DC bartenders who won some sort of bartending awards for best in business. The quality of the photo is not good, but it’ll have to do. The previous “Spot the Alpha” post was a big hit with the ladies.

Usually the alpha male (or female) is the most comfortable-looking person in the room. Who looks most comfortable to you in this photo? Who is the alpha male?

The three guys on the left look the most uncomfortable. Their bodies are stiff and their faces are studies in expressionless reserve. Their fashion sense is conservative. Two of the men are holding their drinks with both hands above belt level. Verdict: Solid provider betas.

The tall, striped tie smiley guy in the back row looks like a frat boy. He’s confident and happy — currency he trades for female attention — but it’s the confidence of the class clown. Verdict: Greater beta.

The Disco Stu guy in the middle with the wide collared, unbuttoned shirt and spiky haircut is a PUA. Well, I don’t know this for sure, but that would be my guess. I bet he’s in the community. The telltale signs are there — regular tanning booth customer, extra-wide smile, looking straight into the camera lens, hands all over the ladies (the fat one is enjoying it). There are a lot of short guys in the PUA community. I leave it as an exercise for the reader why this is so. Verdict: Lesser alpha.

The fat girl should not be a bartender. You gotta have face to move product.

The semi-cute Latina looking girl definitely likes it in the pooper.

The goth dude with the intense gaze of a thousand Mongol warriors (or of a thousand brooding adolescents in detention for scratching devil symbols into school desks) has captured the essence of lone wolf, “I’m a rebel, Dottie” game. He is the Sneaky Fucker, or the Niche alpha. His dark style is deliberate, and he wears it well from years of welding it directly to his identity. He’s creepy looking, which I’m sure was his intention. He’s a natural peacocker, and in normal environments will stand out just enough to attract some female attention in the 4-7 range. (In his own environment — Black Cat perhaps? — he is more comfortable and probably has a stable of cokehead groupies.) Outside in the light, he cannot go head to head with a natural alpha, as most brooders are too introverted and retiring to exercise the necessary social dominance to attract the maximum number of hot babes. When he retreats from gaming the truly quality chicks in a normal, non-vampiric milieu, he will likely tell himself they were beneath him anyway. He may also be a PUA of the Mystery Method school. Verdict: Lesser alpha.

The droopy-faced man standing to the left of goth dude (to the viewer’s right) is vanishing. He’s representative of the mass of nondescript betas that swarm around women like so much dust in the wind. Verdict: Lesser beta.

The short, Harold Ramis looking guy with glasses to the left of invisible man is an interesting case study. He shares much on certain alpha metrics with Disco Stu guy. He seems to have a sense of style, confident body language, liberal use of resting his hands on other people, and a smiling, upbeat facial expression, but because he looks like a dork he is less alpha than Disco Stu. He needs to tone down the smile to avoid looking “try hard”. I would also tell him to get Lasik, and a new hair style. Judging by his high forehead, he’s a smart guy, and so will understand and heed my advice. Harold Ramis guy is your classic fun-loving, sociable nerd who sometimes annoys girls with his bold, but charmless, approaches. Verdict: Beta.

Finally, the Matthew McConaughey looking dude on the far right of the photo. He looks the most comfortable and self-assured of all the men. Note the perfect hint of a smile — not too forced, not too pinched. What does this say? It says “You, cameraman, have not yet won me over.” His style is good; fashionable without tipping over into silly peacocking. His chin is held slightly higher than parallel with the ground, which subcommunicates alphaness. His body stance is strong. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were standing contrapposto when this photo was taken. Also note he does not put his hands on anyone; he doesn’t need to. Guys who are constantly resting their hands on other guys’ shoulders are playing dominance games. True alphas do not need to do this. They have enough alpha credit to spare that lending their shoulders as a prop for lesser men to climb upon does not lower their value. One more thing to note: He is neither holding a drink nor shoving his hands in his pockets. It is alpha to keep your hands at your sides, relaxed, with a slight bend in the elbow to avoid the perception of stiffness. Verdict: Natural Alpha.

Interestingly, I would bet it’s not Natural Alpha who has banged the most girls. I would give that honor to Disco Stu.

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Great Scenes Of Game In The Movies

It’s been a while since the last installment of ‘Great Scenes’. Here is a video clip from the movie ‘The Philadelphia Story’, featuring Cary Grant giving Katharine Hepburn exactly what she needs. The audio has been disabled by YouTube due to copyright issues, but you don’t need it for this scene as no words are exchanged. (Video link sent courtesy of reader Godless Capitalist.)

GC noted that you would be hard pressed to find a scene like this in a modern movie, especially in a movie where the “domestic abuser” gets the girl in the end, as Cary Grant did in ‘The Philadelphia Story’. I agree. You’d rarely see a leading man in a modern movie face-push a woman onto her ass, no matter how deserving she was of it, unless his character was Evil Incarnate or, worse, Beta Maximus. In a movie depicting the latter case, the Beta Maximus would spend the rest of the film wracked with guilt and prostrating himself before the “victim”, begging her forgiveness.

Feminists, their lickspittle SWPL beta enablers, and our PC apparatchiks would have you believe only bitter, creepy losers enraged by a lifetime of female rejection would ever physically confront a woman, but as I have pointed out before on these esteemed pages, betas don’t have the sack to hit or physically confront a woman. Most betas tuck their tails between their legs when a woman humiliates them. It’s the lesser alphas who go in for crude beatdown game, and the apex alphas who do what Cary Grant did in this clip — controlled anger administered in such a way as to maximize the mortification payload.

Notice that Grant pulls back a punch in favor of the face-palm. This was the ultimate alpha move for two reasons. One, he recognizes his power is so much higher than Hepburn’s that a solid blow by his fist would do her serious damage and have unfortunate repercussions for his reputation. Two, the face-palm push is much more degrading than a punch would be to a woman. It’s beating her on her own terms — no egregious violence to embolden martyrdom or incite white knighting, but enough psychological impact to crater her ego. A woman’s most valuable asset, besides the upkeep of her vagina, is her face. Grant’s face-palm is an affront to that asset. It’s basically saying “your face is worthless to me and can kiss my sweaty palm.”

Take a look at Hepburn’s expression as she’s laying on the floor. Guilt, shame… and sweet sweet arousal. Thought experiment: What would be more likely to moisten a woman’s pussy?

a. face-palming her in a moment of angry retribution or

b. apologizing for your misdeeds, true or not, and placating her with a massive princess pedestal campaign?

Women would tell you otherwise, but their wet pussies belie their words. They LOVE to be dominated.

Other alpha moves of controlled anger at your disposal (some examples drawn from personal experience):

Hard wrist grab followed by push onto bed or sofa.
Backhanded slap.
Half grapefruit shoved into the face.
Pin her against the wall by her wrists or throat.
Shoulder grab with a full body spin toss finishing move.
Bowl of dry cereal thrown like confetti in her face.
Beer poured over her head.
Cream-filled pastry tossed in her face.
Spray bottle of cleaning fluid thrown at her followed by the words “Clean yourself off, filthy whore.”
Crucifix thrown at her if she’s playing martyr.
Dual handed breast grab and push backward.
Push wad of toilet paper in her mouth.
Squirt ketchup in her face.

Do any of the above at least once in a relationship and you will never have to worry about her cheating on you or pounding the table yelling “Half!” at divorce proceedings.

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How Good Is Your Alpha Acumen?

Your ability to quickly identify and avoid social miscues, and to capitalize on power vacuums within shifting social arrangements, is more valuable to your success with women than your net worth or job status.

Thought experiment: You’ve been dating a girl for a couple of months, which means you should have been banging her for 7.5 weeks. She invites you to a house party being thrown by one of her friends. You mentally hesitate, knowing that the party will be filled with just her friends and you’ll be like an interloper adolescent male wolf trying to ingratiate himself to a new pack. But then you remember how good you are at working a room and decide there is little chance of an embarrassing faux pas.

At the party everything is smooth sailing. You’ve got her friends laughing and your girl is flitting about the room occasionally looking over her shoulder to establish your coordinates and magnitude of fraternizing with the competition (as an alpha male with keen insight of women, you know that it’s important to treat every attractive woman as your girlfriend’s potential usurper). Later, you are standing in a circle of ten or so people with your girlfriend and everyone is ricocheting conversational topics like a pong ball. One topic leads to another and your girl has started talking about how you wooed her on the second date.

“Oh yeah, he broke out the guitar and played ‘Spanish Ballad’. I thought it was so charming, but actually he just taught himself that one song. Ever since then I’ve asked him to play something else but he won’t. He sucks at playing guitar!”

The girls laugh, but a couple of the men in the group look over at you first before laughing nervously. Your girlfriend has just insulted you, though she may be sufficiently obtuse and/or conditioned by the feeble pantywaistage of past beta boyfriends as to not realize the gravity of her diss. Many girls are prone to this sort of behavior at social events, catapulting their own status and greasing their acceptance into the group on the backs of their hapless boyfriends. A woman knows she can engender female solidarity through the telling of humiliating tales about her lover.

What do you do?

I see six available options to the man in this scenario.

1. Chuckle along. That will show you get the joke and can roll with the punches. You are TOO ALPHA to be moved by such an insult. You indifferent long time.
2. Pierce her with the silent, icy stare of soul death. You communicate your displeasure with her without uttering any words. This course of action circumvents any possible verbal escalation and further awkwardness while still letting her know that she crossed a line.
3. Directly call her out. “Yo, what’s with you shitting all over my hobbies? Check yourself.” Major awkwardness will ensue, but you’ll feel DAMNED GOOD and she’ll be a submissive kitten in bed for months.
4. Indirectly call her out. “That’s funny. I was just thinking the same thing about that one and only meal you know how to cook.” If you’ve got the wit, this is an excellent option. You express your displeasure in a humorous, crowd-pleasing way that does not make too many people uncomfortable. Downside: Your thin-skinned girlfriend gets offended and a passive aggressive fight breaks out as spectators stare into their drinks.
5. Nuke the vaj from orbit. “Fuck you.” Then walk out of the party. Yeah, you may have just spoiled any long term potential with your girl by permanently cutting off the reservoir of good will between her social group and you, but I guarantee she’ll come crawling on all fours back to you with her pussy so hot and bothered she sings an aria as you pound the bitch out of her.
6. Change the subject. This is the go-to option for those men who want to avoid conflict and tension yet aren’t willing to play the genial butt of the joke.

Personally, I have opted for #4 when I’ve been in similar situations with a girl, but I trust my instincts to counterattack with the right amount of face-saving force. Not every man will react as smoothly. For the average guy who wishes to keep seeing the girl (and part of building an LTR is winning over each other’s social circles) I think #6 is best. #2 is also good, but you have to be careful to stare just long enough to make her face blush with shame, and not any longer. He might be best served saving his anger for later when he is alone with her.

#3 and #5 are great if the girl is nothing more than a fling to you, and you are happy being the Asshole to her Heloise. Really, it is a superbly satisfying power trip to walk out on a girl. I suggest all of you try it at least once in your life. I did it recently with a girl who said I was “pressuring her” for sex too soon (third date, my informal limit for delaying sexual gratification) and since that evening that I walked silently out of her life I’ve seen her three times in various spots around the city, and couldn’t help but notice her torment and yearning for my love in the way she nervously mumbled hello and tugged at her hair.

#1 is for two types of men:

a.  Established Alphas who dominate their girlfriends so completely that an occasional affront to his Lordship by his number one subject can be brushed off with a hearty, yet sinister, laugh. Oftentimes, a Master Alpha communicates his true intentions in subtext that only his girlfriend, accustomed as she is to the Macchiavellian delights of his power, will comprehend. The crowd hears him laugh along; she hears him laughing because she knows thoughts of how he will punish her for her transgression are going through his head. This makes her quiver with fear and arousal.

b.  Betas on a learning curve. It seems that every beta who has learned to avoid the worst fates with women — LJBF, cuckolding, dick sandwich, cockteasing, shit tests — reflexively retreats to Aloof and Indifferent game any time a girl tools him. “Go out and fuck ten other women” is simply not credible advice for most men without top notch game. “A and I” game is certainly superior to straight up beta chumpery, but it isn’t always the best course of action. However, a beta on the path to enlightenment may find it personally advantageous to minimize fallout rather than maximize opportunity. In the scenario I described, rolling with his girlfriend’s insult may prove to be the beta’s best option. An angry alpha will sound in command and someone to be respected, while an angry beta risks sounding bitter and spiteful. Unless you have a prior history of asshole game with your girl, you want to avoid the thunderbolt out of the blue FU option. A chuckle followed by an attempt to steer the conversation to an unrelated subject is how a man still grappling with his game and unsure of his authority over his girl should play it safe.

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Even Tom Brady Runs Game

db (a chick) left this comment to my alpha body language post:

re: alpha body language, check out most nfl quarterbacks, from their stance on the field while playing to how they conduct themselves in interviews and on the sidelines.  much more alpha than the typical preening wide receiver whinyboys.  and, though the offensive line guys are arguably tougher, have a more ‘james bond’ style.  think tom brady – who was quoted in an old issue of si when asked about how he got giselle saying something like “you have to shake her confidence; make her wonder ‘what’s wrong with me’.”

You’d think a guy like Tom Brady, an apex alpha, would have no need for any sort of game. He could show up and women would make his job easy. But even Tom sees a need to run game on a female uberalpha like Gisele. It sounds like Tom hit up Gisele with a well-placed neg. Tom, like me, understands the importance of leveraging a woman’s insecurities to boost one’s status and thereby raise a woman’s buying temperature. People who believe “natural alphas” don’t play these sorts of head games with women are wrong. Tom Brady has revealed that alphas use game, too, and oftentimes more cruelly and devastatingly than the typical enlightened beta on a path of sexual redemption. Some may argue an alpha doesn’t need to run game, but that’s not how alphas think. An alpha is always looking to amass more and hotter pussy than he knows what to do with.

This vignette illustrates clearly the power of game — it helped a natural alpha like Tom Brady, a man already in possession of the full suite of conventional male attractiveness traits, breach a supermodel’s panty barrier.

In other news, Mel Gibson has informed his much younger Russian girlfriend that he will have a paternity test done on her baby when it is born. Mel has been reading my blog. I’m glad to see him shedding the straightjacket of his beta religious sensibilities. A looming $500 million dollar divorce payout will do that to a man.

Maxim #666: All kneel before the god of biomechanics, by sword or by surrender.

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Alpha Body Language

In my view, and in the view of much of the seduction community, the single biggest factor of early game success is body language. Women react viscerally to a man’s strong body language before he has said one word. The way he walks toward her, the way he smiles, the way he stands. It strikes me that the reason this is so is because it is harder to fake the subtle indicators of alphaness with your body than it is with your words. Women have evolved to be perceptive of a man’s emotional state and body language is the physical manifestation of inner game, so that’s what women key in on first.

I have written some posts on how to spot beta body language and how to mimic alpha body language. One of the most important points I have made is that it is imperative you avoid jerky, reactive movements. Well, the science is rolling in and, unsurprisingly to anyone who has lived a day in his life and finds corroborating evidence in what I write, the conclusions are vindicating my worldview.

Wimps have rapid reaction times

OREGON, U.S.: Unfit or weak people react sooner to sounds of approaching danger than strong, healthy people – which may be an evolutionary adaptation to allow them a larger margin of safety, says a new study.

Test subjects listened to a sophisticated sound system that mimicked an approaching object, explained John Neuhoff, an evolutionary psychologist at the College of Wooster in Ohio, U.S., and co-leader of the study.

The ‘virtual object’ sounded like a motorcycle passing on a highway, approaching the subject at 15 m/s and then whizzing past them. The subjects were asked to hit a key when they thought the sound was right in front of them.

Fitness was measured by two variables: heart rate after a bout of moderate cardiovascular exercise and muscular power, measured by the strength of their hand grips. […]

“It’s beneficial [for the weaker] to react sooner rather than later,” said Neuhoff. “The cost of responding too early is far less than the potentially fatal cost of responding too late.”

Corollary: It’s beneficial for the stronger to take their sweet time reacting to events. Not because it will lessen his chances of getting killed (mauled or bludgeoned in the ancestral environment), but because women are wired to associate a calm demeanor and stoic repose with an alpha male she wants to fuck.

Women typically responded sooner than men, who on average are physically stronger.

This is evidence that beta males behave more like women than men. No wonder they get LJBFed.

Here is another study proving the efficacy of my body language advice.

Women become less choosy when they, rather than men, move from table to table. […]

A study in Psychological Science points out that chivalric behaviour created by the speed-dating experience may be skewing the data.

Normally in speed dating, men walk around a room and visit a succession of seated women for mini dates just a few minutes long. Later, the participants note down whom they would like to meet again. If there is a match, the organizers help the people to get in touch. Psychologists have found that although men choose, on average, half of the women present, women choose to see only a third of the men again.

This isn’t really a surprise. Among animals, females are usually the picky ones, because they make the larger reproductive investment. However, the new research, by Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick, social psychologists at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois, demonstrates that tinkering with the speed-dating format alters human behaviour, dramatically changing the outcome. […]

The researchers established 15 speed-dating events for 350 young adults. During eight events, men rotated around the seated women, and during seven events, women moved between seated men. When men rotated, men said yes 50% of the time and women said yes 43% of the time. However, when women rotated, the trend for higher female selectivity vanished, with men saying yes 43% of the time while women said yes 45% of the time.

I have long contended that one of the reasons speed dating sucks (besides the surfeit of cougars) has to do with the retarded system organizers use requiring men to be the ones to switch tables while the women remain seated. This dynamic creates the impression that the men are slabs of meat in a butcher’s display case that women casually browse for the choicest cuts. It exacerbates an already lopsided intrinsic mating market mechanism.

The researchers think the reason for this phenomenon is related to embodiment — the idea that physical actions can alter perception. Pulling something closer makes the object being pulled more appealing, whereas pushing something away makes the object less desirable.

Finkel and Eastwick argue that approaching someone makes the mind want what it is approaching, because people are in the habit of moving towards objects that they want and moving away from objects that they don’t want.

Alpha body language, gentlemen. Learn it. It works and it’s a lot easier to integrate into who you are than is memorizing a long-winded routine. The above study proves that the ideal alpha position is back against the bar, looking outward and surveying your kingdom as girls approach from all directions. The study also reinforces the widely held PUA belief that indirect approaches are more optimal than direct approaches. Perhaps this is why the over-the-shoulder, “just passing through” approach coupled with a time constraint works so well. You are mimicking in vibe and energy, as best you can while in motion, the man sitting down at a speed dating event while rotating women walk up to his table to earn the pleasure of his company.

Body language tips

When a woman tries to get your attention, take a second longer to swivel your head to reply. The goal is to introduce a palpable, but not off-putting, tension to the interaction. In other words, make her sweat.

Keep your head cocked upward slightly. This will accentuate the heaviness of your brow ridge and the heft of your chin and jaw, both indicators of alpha testosterone levels. It also imparts you with a haughtiness that women find irresistible.

Scratch your balls in public once in a while.

If you say something stupid, goofy or impolite (hey, it happens) don’t backpedal or get flustered. Act as if nothing is wrong. Embarrassment is for the little people.

Be scandalous.

Rudely glance around the room every so often when a girl is talking to you.

Be inattentive. Betas focus like a laser beam when engaging a girl because she is the reason for his existence. Alphas exist for themselves.

Maxim #17: Be narcissistic. There is no greater divergence than that between a woman’s stated disapproval of male narcissism and the rapidity with which she jumps into bed with a male narcissist.

Keep a toothpick in your mouth if you don’t smoke.

Be judgmental. Say “Hm” and “I see” a lot when a woman talks to you, arching your eyebrows and frowning skeptically.

If a girl says something genuinely funny (rare, like a lunar eclipse), don’t boisterously laugh in appreciation. Snicker instead.

Be territorial. Spread those arms and legs out.

Learn to love the pregnant pause. When a girl shit tests you, don’t respond like a wind-up beta. Give her a blank, serial killer stare and wait… wait……. waiiiiit for it…. ANSWER! Wow, that was hot. I’m positive I just made a female reader squirm delightfully in her seat.

If you don’t have a witty answer ready for deployment, silence beats stilted conversation.

Lead with your crotch.

Don’t ever fall for the “tap on the shoulder” or the “something on your tie” gags.

Be imperious. The world is your harem.

Finally… use the power of your back. Turning your back on people who have displeased you is a great way to get them to qualify themselves. Girls will reopen. Guys will vamoose.

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Be A Skittles Man

Reader Fabian linked to a funny entry on the ‘Don’t Date Him Girl’ blog:

He had several “lady friends” who stayed the night at his house and he claimed they were “Just friends”. He frequently forgot important details about me, such as the fact that I had a sister, my birthday and what sorts of hobbies I had. He blew me off constantly, would return calls a week later with the excuse of “I was busy.” I often spoiled him with gifts, rides and sex only to receive a bag of Skittles in return. (I don’t even like skittles!) That was the only gift I ever received from him! I met a new friend and we were bonding over “worst ex-boyfriend stories” and suddenly we realized “boy, a lot of these sound the same… Was his name ____?” IT WAS THE SAME GUY!!!

In an unintentional juxtaposition for the ages, reader joel left a comment in my Pimp Slap post about a wedding he attended:

I just attended a wedding the  bill for which, paid mostly by the parents of the bride but with substantial input from the groom’s parents, would easily pay for the private education of several children. It could have paid for a modest but nice house in a good neighborhood in many parts of the country. Hint: The flowers cost about $15,000.

It is amazing what the matriarchy does. The Darwinian purpose of this, I believe, is to keep the husbands working their asses off, and keep them broke, so they can’t go out and buy a younger woman for their next wife or keep a concubine.

Really. There is no other logical explanation for this excess.

Two men, two vastly different experiences with women. One man gets all the pussy he wants for the bargain basement price of a bag of Skittles, while the other man marries a woman in a wedding ceremony featuring flowers that cost $15,000.

How much you want to bet the first guy’s rotation of girlfriends is hotter than the second guy’s $15,000 flower wife? How much you want to bet the first guy gets all the anal sex and blowjobs he desires while the second guy will be begging for his once-a-month sex as soon as the vows are exchanged? If one of these guys is a herb, who is it more likely to be?

FACT: Odds are good you will enjoy a bounty of pussy and love if you act like Skittles guy. FACT: Odds are good you will spend the rest of your life begging for tepid sex from the same old boring pussy if you act like $15,000 wedding flower guy.

Be a Skittles man. Don’t be a $15,000 wedding flower man.

I’ve been in the company of a lot of women who hailed from all sorts of stations in life. I know the sound of a woman in love, and it usually sounds like the woman in the Skittles story — bitching and moaning about a world class asshole, chasing him from here to kingdom come to cajole him to surrender at least a small measure of his autonomy (which he never does), and always… ALWAYS… going back to him when they have a bad fight. I’ve been that guy.

I’ve also been around the kinds of women from the wedding flower story. They usually sound like they are more in love with the idea of $15,000 wedding flowers than they are with their man. They never chase, and their men are in the permanently disabling position of constantly bending over backwards to satisfy their women’s whims. Women who are princess-ified have power over their men, even over the kinds of men who themselves have power over other men. The women know this and they subconsciously resent it.

Joel is right. The matriarchy in all its silly manifestations — extravagant weddings, diamonds-nookie barter, pop culture propaganda, daddy government disease — is structured to handicap men. To cut them off at the knees. Fitting, really, because a man on his knees is exactly where he’d have to be to agree to $15,000 wedding flowers. The finances aren’t the core issue; it’s the corrosive effect such a wasteful expenditure for a woman will have on her attitude. The matriarchy loathes and fears Skittle Man, the freeloader who nonetheless basks in the love of many women. The matriarchy would rather men be like Wedding Flower Man, slaving dutifully as a nameless, faceless cog in the machine paying his dues for his two pence of pussy. Society’s Little Helper.

And at the end of the day, what for? To thanklessly pump out cannon fodder for the wars of the future? Fuck that sideways. The rulebook was written to constrain free thinkers like you. When you know the score, when you understand that this life is all there is and all there ever will be and your legacy in gold or works or kids means nothing when your consciousness is obliterated to nothing and your deathbed is lined with the garland of regret and pleasures denied and the memory of your decades of pointless sacrifice crawls slowly across the walls like night shadows to suffocate you in your final doom… only then will you look your blushing bride in the eye and inform her that there will be no $15,000 wedding flowers and she can hit the bricks if that’s unacceptable to her.

Better yet, tell her there will be no wedding and no marriage. She can love you without needing the permission of the state.

Some newcomers are aghast when they read my stuff. They think this blog must be a joke or the ravings of a lunatic, a madman driven to the brink by a particularly damaging experience with an ex. No. While I’ve had my joys and sorrows and loves and heartbreaks just like any other man possessing a wealth of experience with women, on the whole most of the women in my life have been and continue to be cherished loves. My lunacy is the clear-eyed vision of Neo after the matrix is revealed to him. Reality makes lunatics of us all, but only those with the eyes to see and the ego to spare ever embrace it unconditionally.

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