An Open Letter to My Hypothetical Future Kids

Dear fruit of my loins, 

You’re not getting any inheritance.  I plan to blow the whole wad on booze, traveling, and Ukrainian hookers.  I’m going out with a smile on my face.  So prepare for your future.

Forget about a college fund.  You think I want to sock away a hefty percentage of my take-home so I can put your ungrateful ass through an overpriced IQ-notarizing ivory tower for the benefit of corporate human resources departments?  Fuck you.  Save up yourself, get a loan, or learn a trade.  The library is free.

Don’t come to me for a self-esteem boost.  That’s your mother’s job.  I’ll tell it like it is.  You’re getting fat?  I’ll let you know.  You throw like a girl?  I’ve got the video to prove it.  That’s a father’s job; to give you a taste of reality that’ll either motivate you to improve or divert your energies into more productive pursuits.  Fuck this kumbaya cooperative superfeminized dreamworld shit that’s killed the American spirit.  I’ll give it straight up.

If I catch you masturbating do not look me in the eye.  We are never to speak of it.  We will act as if nothing ever happened.

On a related note, you are not to disturb me while I am in my masturbatorium.

I will have mistresses because it is the French thing to do.  Get used to it.

I will flirt with your unbelievably luscious, hot teenage female friends no matter how old I get.  Get used to it.

I will never hit you.  Instead, I will mindfuck you until you are hitting yourself for your foolish behavior.

I will love you very much… unless you do things that will make me not love you.  Nothing is unconditional in this world.  Learn that lesson well.

If someone is causing you undeserved trouble or heartache in your life, you will have no more powerful ally than me.  Do not abuse this privilege.

To my daughter:  Disownable offenses include stripping, whoring, getting your vag tattooed or pierced, sex with losers, bukkake, home made porn vids, and majoring in womyn’s studies at a 36K/year no-name liberal arts college.  Choose wisely.  If necessary, I will spring for plastic surgery to improve your looks.  Trust me, it’ll be the best investment a father could possibly make in his daughter.

To my son:  You will learn how to say Hi to girls before the age of 16 if it kills you.  There will be no Star Trek or Lord of the Rings posters in your room.  You will instead have Helmut Newton photographs hanging on your walls and a copy of Mystery Method.  I will treat the family dog better than you if you major in anything that doesn’t ensure a salary high enough to keep you from grubbing off me.  Learn how to throw a punch.  If you turn out gay, don’t ever bring your “boyfriend” around me.  Certain things are best left in the realm of the abstract.

Finally…

if I find out your mother was a two-timing whore and you are not my kid, you will never hear from me again.  Kindly direct all your rage her way.

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Every BJ Begins with De Beers

In this era of financially independent women and easy no fault divorce, it’s time to retire the cultural appendage of johns paying to marry their whores.  Since men give up more when they marry, the women oughta be paying them.

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Dennis Kucinich: Alpha Male

Guys see a picture like this and think to themselves “wow, if he can land a babe, there’s hope for any guy.”  Clearly, Dennis Kucinich has landed an alpha babe.  And not just a tabloid exploiting fame seeking fly-by-night whore.  These two lovebirds are married.  It is clear from her body language and how she speaks of him that she truly loves him.  How is this possible?  Examining the basic facts, we see a large disparity in their relative sexual attractiveness.

1. he is much shorter than her
2. he is goofy looking; she is a beautiful, lithe, redheaded bombshell
3. he is a lot older than her (31 year age difference.  she’s 29, he’s 60)
4. she is feminine.  he is… feminine
5. he has unicorn and rainbow politics

So how did he do it?

We get a hint of that in a couple of quotes from his wife, Elizabeth:

People who see us together understand – they see our connection. And it’s not like I’m some ditsy young thing and he’s an old fogey. He has the wisdom of an ancient and the energy of youth. Dennis says to me, ‘I’ve never seen myself as time-bound. When you make a connection on a soul level, age is not important.’

So Dennis has managed to neutralize the age objection by acting (and looking) more youthful.  This does not surprise me. Younger women appreciate a youthful outlook on life. Yes, acting young brings with it the risk of seeming immature, especially to older women looking specifically for an older man, but the risks are outweighed by the benefit of appealing to a much broader base of young women.

Another thing that comes through in her quote is the connection they share.  Connection, or mutual understanding, is one of the least understood (especially by men) and yet most important factors in what keeps a relationship strong.  Elizabeth was probably intrigued by Dennis at first because of his position of power as a US congressman, but his hippy dippy personality perfectly in tune with her whimsical “child of the soil” bohemian style sealed the deal.  They are on the same wavelength.

Here’s another quote:

As for having a family – Elizabeth says she would like children some day – Dennis says, ‘There’s no problem there.’

From this we can conclude that Dennis is confident in his ability to get hard and inseminate her with his flower power seed, despite his advanced age.  Perhaps his vegan diet keeps his arteries clear and his member functioning.  More likely, it is his incredibly hot wife 29 years his junior that helps him spring to action like a horny high schooler.  Young beautiful women are like souped-up turbo-charged Viagra/yohimbe/coke cocktails.  The majority of middle-aged men using Viagra are looking at the prospect of sex with haggard dumpy wives, so no wonder they need pharmaceutical assistance.

Connection, youthful vitality, and a high status career.  Those are the things that won Dennis his perfect 10, and they were appealing enough for Elizabeth to overlook his numerous shortcomings.  Often, when a woman is in love, she will grow to be blind to those negative traits in her man that might’ve otherwise turned her off when they first met.  This is a great example of how differently attraction works for men and women.  The mirror image of this situation hardly ever happens.  No matter how deep the connection or how youthful the outlook, vanishingly few men will want a relationship with a much older, unattractive woman.  They may want to be her friend, but they won’t want to fuck her.

The alpha male is not always obvious to the naked eye.  How many times have you walked down the street and said to yourself “what the hell is that guy doing with HER?!”  Or all those losers you know who’ve hooked up with women way out of their league.  What’s going on is that alphaness is not always a baseball bat to the head.  Sometimes it is a subtle thing, imperceptible to outsiders, a way he walks and moves or how he handles himself in conversation.

Or maybe Dennis has a 12″ cock.

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Toilet Week Flushes On

You know how we guys are – when we get an idea in our heads we focus on it to the exclusion of all other thoughts, clinging like barnacles.  Girls don’t understand this tendency because they live in a world where conversations flit around from topic to topic like butterflies in a field of daisies.

So in keeping with the present obsession, here’s news that vindicates domesticated indentured servants married or cohabiting men everywhere:  it is actually more efficient to keep the toilet seat up.

In this paper, we show conclusively that the social norm of leaving the toilet seat down after use decreases welfare and by doing that we hope to convince the reader that social norms are not always welfare enhancing. Hence, there is a case for scientifically examining social norms and educating the masses about the fallacy of following social norms blindly.

What this paper is basically saying is that a cost-minimizing analysis of total number of toilet seat raisings and lowerings favors the man’s point of view since he uses the seat in both the down and up positions (#2 and #1) while the woman uses it only in the down position (unless she’s kinky).  But of course the norm is what it is because the toilet seat issue, like so many other ridiculously petty issues magnified to the point of craziness by women, is really a litmus test of a man’s love for her.  A woman needs constant reassurance that her man cares for her and the simple act of asking if he cares just won’t do — he has to show it even if it means incurring a time and effort cost as shown in the study above.  And my time is valuable.  If I can save 1.2 seconds not lowering the toilet seat that is an extra 1.2 seconds I have to dedicate to more productive enterprises.

Waving this paper in the face of his nagging woman will get a man nowhere.  Logic is not how to appeal to the fairer sex.  I suggest framing the debate this way:

“Baby, I know you love me, but it would be amazing if we could… {pause. gaze longingly at her}… imagine a time six months from now…. looking back on this moment…. {stroke her cheek}… as the beginning of our future together… when we reached incredible new heights of love and passion… by sharing… one for the other… the ups and downs of our beautiful toilet seat… {caress her neck}… to bring total hapPENIS to our lives… it’s like feeling like we’re on a roller coaster at the top of the hill… waiting to go over… feeling that anticipation that starts in your toes and travels your whole body through your arms and just goes… all through you… {trace your finger down her chest}… and down… here… and here… till you go over and the rush of excitement radiates out of you like a cord… growing stronger and stronger… connecting to me…. connecting us…. can you just feel that, right there?”

If she’s not blowing you with tongue action that feels like an epileptic serpent and simultaneously lowering the toilet seat before you even finish the last words, then trade her in for a chick who’s blood doesn’t run with liquid nitrogen.

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The Limits of Game

Game is now packaged, marketed, and taught to tens of thousands of men in the US.  At the rate the major businesses are growing and the books are selling, it’s possible that 10 million or more American men will have some knowledge of the fundamentals of game within a few years.  This is a not-insignificant number.  A percentage of those men will put forth the effort and apply what they’ve learned to their dating lives.  When a critical love-em-and-leave-em juncture is reached, I believe the country will go through another social revolution similar to the great upheaval of the 1960s.  What lies beyond is anyone’s guess, though I have my personal theories.

The art of seduction is not a new discovery, but it’s transformation into a science that can be executed in the field to produce relatively reliable results is new.  If Voltaire were alive today he would recognize a familiar scene of thousands of men talking away their ugly faces to bed their queens of france, but what would strike him as novel is the calculated efficiency and cooperative effort with which these 21st century voltaires, tools of science in hand, eviscerate and demystify the age-old quest of winning a woman’s heart and spreading her legs.  I imagine he would be saddened that the beauty and grandeur of the chase had been stripped to its bones and displayed textbook-like for the edification of legions of aspiring seducers.

The rise of the era of Game is not hard to explain.  Particular social conditions in conjunction with fresh knowledge and rapid information transfer practically guaranteed a new world order of more cads, less dads. Ironically, feminism helped midwife this beast.  The free love anti-trust breakup of women’s monopoly over sex and their increased financial independence dissolved the primary pillars of marriage.  The wheels were set in motion, yet the Sexual Revolution 2.0 didn’t kick into high gear until the mid 1990s when some very astute and horny guys found in the teachings of darwinistic evolutionary psychology the blueprint for getting what they wanted from women.

A shortcut had been discovered.  Now, instead of toiling for years as a cog in the machine, giving til it hurt, to win the heart of a marriageable woman in a socially-approved manner, men were, in effect, mimicing the traditional alpha male through a process of data compression.  The confident body language and cocky humor of the CEO or BigLaw sleazebag could be had by the common man for pennies on the dollar.

Most men scoff at this.  It takes many demonstrations by pioneers before the average guy will lose his long-held beliefs about how the world works.  Even those guys who know about game and have immersed themselves in it like a religious follower at a tent revival find it difficult to change their old ways.  For now, the status quo continues to be the default assumption.  Marriage, rigged as it is against men in its current configuration, is still the norm people aspire to.  And that is where game (to date) has fallen short; it is a great tool for pickup but needs refining for application in longterm relationships.

A lot of pie in the sky acolytes of game miss the bigger picture.  There are some very immutable laws of human nature that the best game in the world won’t circumvent.  Age is one of them.  A 90 year old man will not score 20 year old coeds on the strength of game alone.  He’ll need compensating factors, in massive quantities.  Fame and vast wealth are proven sexual value enhancers.  Without game, a man would need a steadily increasing pot of money or accumulating social status to satisfy his urge to screw young women.  With game, he can afford to slack off a certain amount on the traditional attractiveness measures.  In a sense, game is like an extra 5 inches in height or $100K in salary — it gives a man a big leg up in the mating wars.

By age 50, the decrepitude of mitochondrial degeneration will really begin to hinder a man’s ability to score.  Women under 30 will not take his flirting seriously any longer.  At this time, the amount of power (in the form of money) he’ll need to continue attracting younger women will rise exponentially.  In graph form, it would look like this:

For women, their version of game, wealth, social status, and power over men are dependent on one necessary variable: her beauty.  Once that goes, (and it usually goes faster for them than it does for men), they are shit out of luck.  But for the brief window of time they have their beauty, they hold in their hands the power of the gods.

Since women cannot do much about their looks other than plastic surgery and, marginally, makeup, they have to be more cognizant than men of their time left to secure for themselves the best deal on the sexual market.  Time is no friend to anyone, but to women it is especially cruel.  When I see mother-daughter duos shopping at the mall I’m always stunned they are related.  There isn’t a better, or sadder, advertisement for trading up.

Although a woman’s looks primarily define her sexual marketability, feminine personality and a willingness to experiment sexually count as well, but those factors only work synergistically with youth and beauty.  Women who’ve hit the wall can wear dresses every day, learn the art of coquettish flattery, and carry a suitcase full of perverted sex toys, but it will be in vain.  Men will look past her at the younger versions of herself.  Older women (between 30 and 45) who still have a few years of serviceability left in them can compete against the younger competition by putting out right away.  Nevertheless, this is a temporary fix.  Any man worth having will get his rocks off with the cougar and save his commitment for the kitten.  A graphical representation of the market constraints women operate within would look like this:

While game is the next step in the evolution of relations between men and women, it is not an alien technology with diplomatic immunity from human nature that will yield results for everyone under every circumstance.  Street bums are not suddenly going to start banging quality pussy, though they may improve their meet to lay ratio with soup kitchen volunteers.  For the man who truly wants the life that most men dream about, a multi-front attack improving his finances, physical well-being, and game, with one eye on the ticking clock, is the only way to go.

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Designer Vaginas

So it seems that aging women, all too aware of the loss of sexual power accompanying their fading youth and unable to accept their inevitable decline, are turning the surgeon’s scalpel to their private parts.  At the risk of losing sensitivity they are chopping away at the low-hanging hammocks their vulvas have become.

Known as elective genitoplasty, the surgery usually entails shortening or changing the shape of the outer lips, or labia, but may also include reduction in the hood of skin covering the clitoris or shortening the vagina itself.

Just like other types of plastic surgery, they’ll probably go too far until the vagina looks like a mannequin cat.

Men, however, do not usually want the size of their genitals reduced for such reasons.

Scientists are baffled.

Patients who sought genitoplasty “uniformly” wanted their vulvas to be flat and with no protrusion, similar to the prepubescent look of girls in Western fashion ads, they found.

One piece of advice, ladies.  Don’t fuck with the camel toe.  (Snark alert: “Prepubescent” is bittercode for “youthful”.)

Wizard sleeve enthusiasts are up in arms:

It is the negative meaning that makes it into a problem — meanings that can give rise to physical, emotional and behavioural reactions, such as discomfort, self-disgust, perhaps avoidance of some activities and a desire for a surgical fix.

Yes, right, negative meaning.  That’s the ticket.  Maybe older women and the betas who go down on them just think adolescently smooth, tight vulvas look prettier than wrinkled, floppy bologna slices?  Everything else on a young woman looks better than the older version of herself, so why would vaginas be exempt from this natural law?  Gravity and cell senescence don’t give the genitalia a pass.  These modern day Puritans need to stop badgering people for their decisions to delay the horrors of aging as long as possible with the tools of science.

I figure most of the nip/tucking is being done to older vaginas that have suffered one too many blows — childbirth, piercings, repeated slammings by large cocks, vibrator overuse — and now flap like bedsheets hung to dry in the spring breeze.  Since I stopped dating women less than 5 years younger than me once I reached my late 20s, I can only go by the mature porn I watch religiously to satisfy my secret fetish for things that gross me out to the point of seizure.  And old cooze is not a pretty sight.  Obese women with grossly distended vulva may be getting their vaginas refashioned, but if that’s the case, if I were their plastic surgeon I would tell them to concentrate on other parts of the body first, like the parts that are actually seen by people.

Young women with genetically oversized labia might be availing themselves of this procedure as well, but their numbers must be few in comparison to the older patients.  There is a lot of variance in the shape and size of the young pussy, but it’s the kind of variance that is still pleasing to the eye.  I feel bad for the girl who is way outside the norm in labial aesthetics for her age group.  It’s like having what could’ve been a sexy mole right *on* the lip instead of slightly above it.

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International Truth Day

– people will only turn against an alpha male when he attacks a weak woman
– it is open season on weak men who do not know their place.  attacking them will raise your status.  defending them will lower it
– total honesty can only be accomplished anonymously
– sexually attractive people can get away with more.  and they will have more willing apologists excusing their actions
– when confronted with uncomfortable truths, most people will resort to the “cultural conditioning” argument. it is fear of the unchangeable that motivates them
– when a woman praises a man it is more often given with the goal of changing his behavior
– when a man praise a woman it is more often given with the goal of earning her sexual favor
– status is everything; nearly everything in life is best understood through the prism of status wars
– there is a sexual market.  it operates under the same basic laws of supply and demand.
– marriage is no escape from the sexual market
– the sexual revolution benefited alpha males the most
– prostitution is dating minus self-serving rationalizations
– prostitutes and sluts undercut the only source of women’s power
– ‘crime causes poverty’ is truer than ‘poverty causes crime’
– young single women will always vote liberal as a rule.  big government is a husband and father substitute
– shame is a powerful motivator.  it is a dying art in the west
– alimony is ransom
– no-fault divorce is the poison in the well of the institution of marriage
– absent total war or economic meltdown, age of marriage will continue to rise, birthrates will continue to fall, and the percentage of the never-married will increase
– success comes to those whose desire is stronger than their fear
– uncontrolled jealousy is your worst enemy.  controlled jealousy your best ally.
– hate is as natural as love. like love, it’s most rewarding to throw yourself into it completely
– love can exist without fidelity
– make love when you can, because it is good
– lenin said it best: who? whom?
– proximity + diversity = war
– good people care more for the death of a pet than they do for 100,000 tsunami victims
– there is no meaning of life except to fuck.  it is utter pointlessness.  you are a machine designed to serve the interests of recombinant dna
– nerd = fat woman
– celibacy is living death
– effeminate men are detestable
– so are aggressive bitchy women
– the exceptions don’t make the rules
– we are animals
– hurting people is fun
– there’s no god
– there’s no soul
– there’s no karma
– we’re all going to die
– and it’s much later than you think

besos

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