We’re back for the 2015 punchable shitlib face semifinals!
Bout 1: Matty “Yce Yce Baby” Yglesias vs Dylan “I’m hiding a buttplug” Matthews
Don’t be surprised if your hand reflexively curls into a fist looking at Yglesias. And multiple viewings which could conceivably inure you to his smug doughboy plushness don’t seem to lessen the urge (more like amplifies it).
Keep in mind, president buttsecks and his staff thought this milquetoast clad in jammies sipping from a hot mug of cocoa was a good representative to sell their healthcare boondoggle.
“Phew, do you smell that?! Oh, teehee, it was me!” Peter Pan, meet yourself in fifty years.
Stop the lugenpresses! We have a last-minute punchable shitlib face addition to the cards! He’s a former heavyweight champion of punchability, and a million Buzzfeed fans demanded his inclusion, so the winner of the Yglesias vs Matthews match will advance to a bonus bout against
my hand… curling into a fist……. cannot stop it…….. cannot……. *SWING*……. *CRACK*……….ahhhhhhhhhh
McKay Coppins, for those who really must know the bios of our nation’s listicle artisans, is an ur-shitlib who lies for Buzzfeed. His mug is making the rounds because he was at a recent Trump rally and claimed to have overheard someone yell “Light the motherfucker on fire!” to a protestor; “someone” likely meaning him, a left wing plant. Look at that doughy concave croissant Coppins sports for a face. It’s easy to picture him screeching “light the motherfucker on fire” in a faggy tone with a barely-concealed smirk as he thinks of all the good copy this will generate for his online bathhouse.
A handsome couple – she: tall, easy on the eyes, he: older, shitlord face – walked by me and I overheard the following:
Her: “You’re always questioning what I do.”
Him: “No, I don’t do that…blah blah”
He trailed off, but I heard enough to know that this man was a paper alpha, hidden beta.
Simple little beta male tells like that say so much. He got defensive. He fell into her frame. He made excuses/apologized for his behavior, with a very predictable reactive wince.
There are so many ways this man could’ve replied that projected an aura of irresistible charisma. It’s not that hard to be the alpha male women love. All you have to do is THINK DIFFERENT. Get out of that obsequious mental space where all that matters is appeasing your woman and “making it all right”. For instance,
Her: “You’re always questioning what I do.”
Him: “YUP. Someone’s gotta run a tight ship in this relationship.”
Does the right phrasing elude you? Never mind! It’s your head space that you need a handle on. In my example, the man does NOT get defensive (if anything, he gets OFFENSIVE), he does NOT fall into the woman’s frame (he makes his own frame), and he does NOT make excuses or walk back his impertinence (he instead implies she’s to blame for her complaints).
When you have the right head space, the right words will flow like a river. As will the poosy tingles.
CH, how do you feel about the disdainful “are you fucking kidding me?” glance with no words followed by a conversation started with someone else? Alpha for not falling into frame and making her feel inferior to your power, or beta for letting her get away with her snippy bullshit?
You mean the man responds this way, right? (It wasn’t entirely clear.) Anyhow, this is nasty shit. I’ve seen girls do this sort of thing and it’s such a bitch move. Imo, if for use by a man, this is over the top for all but the most demanding scenarios (i.e., your dignity as a man is on the line). It also carries the whiff of butthurtness/spite/snottiness, which is why it’s more common to see women doing it. (das misogyniss!)
If a woman is snippy with you, remember the clarion call of the alpha male: amused mastery. If she’s snippy with you ALL THE TIME, then you’ve got bigger issues than a nimble tongue can solve. Such a woman was lost to love long before her current imbroglio with you.
In what some are calling an upset akin to Buster Douglas-Mike Tyson, Matty “Polar Bear” Yglesias edged out [insert double entendre here] Ezra “Null Entity of Nepotism” Klein in Bout 1.
Bout 2: Dylan Matthews doubled Alex Pareene’s vote total. Matthews’ mug inspires twice as many knuckle sandwiches as Pareene’s.
Bout 3: John Scalzied will be overjoyed that Pajamaboy routed him for backpfeifengesicht honors. No doubt Scalzied was dreading his preteen daughter, who can bench press more than him, impulsively clocking him right in the kisser if he had won.
Bout 4: Lindsey Graham didn’t need BACKROOM shenanigans to easily defeat Devin Faraci. (Though it looks like the two of them would’ve loved backroom play together.)
Shitlibs are renowned for their watery-eyed, chipmunk-cheeked, effeminate, punchable faces. Why not set up a tournament-style bracket to find the most punchable, shitlib-iest face ever, as determined by reader vote? Why ask why?
(Actual shitlibs will not be duking it out ringside for advancement to the March Manlets Final Four, as much as we would all like to watch Ezra Klein take an uppercut to his dainty jawline, because actual shitlibs don’t know how to use their fists for anything besides fitting them up rectums.)
First, what crucially defines the archetypical shitlib face? It’s like obscenity; you know it when you see it. If you want a more specific accounting, I’d say it’s a combination of general effeminacy, neotenous underdevelopment, softness of mien, suppleness of cheeks and facial extremities, and all of it inflated with an expression of undeserved self-worth and haughty self-regard informed not by evident accomplishment but by bitter clinging to an ego-assuaging belief in intellectual superiority.
Plus, of course, there’s the self-serving hypocrisy, the phony sanctimony, and the insufferable proclivity to snark, which shitlib faces radiantly project like a bioluminescent mating signal to bluehair feminist fatties.
Welcome, one and all, to the 2015 Punchable Shitlib Face Tournament to crown the winner of Most Punchable Shitlib Face in the bathhouse! The tournament is organized into four bouts, and winners will advance to the semi-finals.
First Match: Ezra Klein vs Matty Yglesias
Don’t let his moisturized skin and plush bee-stung lips fool you; Ezra’s got the heart of a slithery lizard, and he jives with the disingenuousness of an Inuit sophist. You want to knock those glasses right off him, and maybe relocate his horse choppers to the back of his throat. Backpfeifengesicht to the max!
Ah, Matty Yce. The “juveniles” who polar bear’ed him didn’t hit hard enough to remove the antiWhite smugness perched on his porcine mug. And there are those yenta glasses again, begging to fly off his nose in a slo-mo shattered glass arc to the ground, trailed by a few of his molars. Don’t worry, if you’re a black guy taking a potshot at him, he’ll never mention your race and write about you only once, in passing. If you’re White, he’ll spend years milking his victimization and pursuing a crusade against White male patriarchal privilege.
These two may be work butt buddies, and they may look equally punchable (give or take ten cheek-stuffed pounds), but only one can emerge victorious as the face that launched a thousand fists.
Second Match: Alex Pareene vs Dylan Matthews
You may wonder if all these shitlibs are brothers from the same mother. The morphology similarities are eerie, right down to the weak vision requiring old lady eyeglasses and the mischievous “I’m sitting on a buttplug” grin.
Dylan Matthews, another juicevoxer with plump BJ lips, zero muscle tone, the jawline of a lamprey, and those shitlib-defining glasses. Gaydar is pinging loudly, this guy is definitely a power bottom and keeps a diary of all the anal ailments he collects from Grindr hookups. He spends his free time building his collection of animal penises in jars.
Third Match: John Scalzi vs Pajamaboy
You know him as that guy who wears a dress, signals his antiWhite bona fides hard to echo chamber shitlibs, and thinks the term “dudebros” is clever. Now you can know him as the guy with a face made for absorbing blows.
Pajamaboy is an icon of the Butt Naked presidency. It’s hard to beat that low T combo of pajama, cocoa, hipster glasses, and oddly prepubertal face for sheer punchability. It’s such the complete package, he inspires you to want to punch more than just his face, and maybe bring your buddies in for a round of walloping.
Would a punchable shitlib face list be complete without a gay cuckservative representative? (Practically, there is no difference between a shitlib and a cuckservative.) How the fuck Lindsey has managed to hold onto power for so long in South Carolina, one of the Shitlordiest states in the Union, is a mystery. No matter how much this Open Borders/Open Anus closet case lisps angrily about Donald “I. Don’t. Care.” Trump, his face will forever remain the visage of a man begging for a five-fingered sandwich… and prostate massage.
After this post, if your knuckles aren’t bleeding, you aren’t trying.
A photo of the San Bernardino female Muslim terrorist was finally released to the public, and, judging by her resemblance to Mohammed Atta of 9/11 infamy, it appears her husband, the primary shooter Syed “we’re Farooked” Farook, had a motive for prematurely releasing himself from this mortal coil: going home every evening to gaze upon his wife’s asiatic pulchritude.
The CH hypothesis that Farook’s limited sexual market options contributed to his Islamist terror attack is gaining some traction. Farook had to get a mail order bride… who looked like this. And that’s while living in a country side by side with cute White women. That’s gotta sting.
Tashfeen Malik, besides being ugly on the outside, was equally odious on the inside. A native Pakistani who grew up in Saudi Arabia (there’s that Saudi connection again), she pledged an allegiance to ISIS and was probably the nagging harridan force who radicalized her husband. Oh, and there’s this juicy detail,
Malik came to the U.S. on what is known as a “fiancé” visa, which allows an American fiancé to petition for his or her partner’s temporary entry before marriage. Malik received a Green Card this summer, U.S. officials said.
THANK YOU OPEN BORDERS NUTJOBS AND PRESIDENT BUTT FUCKING NAKED FOR YOUR RIGOROUS “VETTING” PROCESS. Fourteen dead Americans send their love to you. I’m sure if the dead could talk they would love to hear a little more of your faggot snark about “refugee widows and orphans”.
Six months ago, the couple had a baby daughter and named her according to a naming convention more common to Arab families, rather than in the typical Pakistani manner.
Anchor baby. CAN’T STUMP THE TRUMP.
Btw, CH also predicted that the media and/or government authorities would be slow to release the photo of the female Muslim attacker because there weren’t any photos of her without traditional mujahideen garb, which is an image that if made public would take a steaming dump on the shitlib narrative. From the article above,
The other noted that Malik was very soft-spoken and conservative — so much that Farook’s brothers never saw her face, due to the full burqa she always wore in public
Why are these ingrates even here? HAS AMERICA GONE INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE?! We already have our Bonnie and Clydes; we don’t need to import an army of Bombi and Syeds.
They waited until Friday night (document dump window) to release the photo and immigration details of Farook’s wife.
Also an insanely corrupt FBI releases the perp apartment (operational headquarters for the cell) back to the landlord in 36 hours! Then the media is allowed entry en masse to utterly render the premises legally inadmissable in court.
The apartment was a bomb factory! The FBI announced the case was in fact terrorism midday and then immediately declared the apartment no longer a crime scene!
WAKE UP PEOPLE
White Americans should be so awake by now they’re woozy from insomnia.
Shitlibs think they’re being clever contrasting number of (post-9/11) Muslim terror deaths to all other American mass shooting deaths. Unfortunately for them, shitlibs suffer from a bad case of Dunning-Clueless: so smug they don’t realize how callow they are. Proportional to their population share of the total US population, Muslims are bombing and shooting FAR above their weight. As another Sailer commenter spelled out,
Note the ridiculous supposition that Islamic terrorism is only responsible for 44% of domestic terrorist victims so its wrong to associate terrorism with Islam.
Muslims make up 1% of the US population and at 44% that’s an over-representation of 4,400%! Whether Islamic terrorism claims an absolute majority or not is besides the point.
Also non-Islamic terrorists are natives who we are stuck with. Muslim terrorists are immigrants or children of immigrants. We chose to bring these terrorists into our country.
And don’t forget all the foiled Muslim terror plots that, if left to execute unhindered, would further boost the kill rate of Muslim terror on US soil.
Bottom line: This is what happens when a nation is an amorphous “proposition” run by an adversarial, traitorous globocorp elite instead of a binding contract and divine expression of blood and soil native stock ruling the country for the benefit of their posterity.
How thoroughly corrupt and antagonistic to White American interests are our institutions? It’s looking more and more like the answer is: IMPERIOUSLY CORRUPT.
Either way it is another mile marker along the path of divergence between the shadowy covert sides of Fedguv and the more open representatives of law and order in local law enforcement, as well as the people the government is supposed to honestly represent. It cannot bode well for the future of our union, as the apocalypse which threatens to destroy it approaches.
Glad to see I wasn’t the only one who thought that sensationalist media ransack of what is essentially an ISIS compound in San Bernardino hinted at something far more sinister going on within the ranks of federal law enforcement agencies.