White Knighting Explained

There is a popular theory that white knighters — those men who jump at the chance to defend the virtue of women at every opportunity, no matter if the defense is warranted — are beta males who hope their stirring gallantry will get them into women’s panties. Offering a shoulder to cry on or an indignant word after an asshole hurts the girl of their dreams, these men turn themselves into emotional tampons with the goal of sneaking into the pussy when she is at her most vulnerable.

They usually fail, but they keep at it because once in a blue moon, it works. Yes, most men with some choice in women would balk at spending so much time and effort trying to tap a reticent snatch, and at the cost of so much dignity, but the white knighter emo dude has the patience of a saint. Or a eunuch.

But, honestly, how many guys like this do you see in real life? They exist, sure, but not in the numbers assumed. Especially after college, when adult men simply don’t have the time to waste on platonically orbiting a oneitis who can juggle ten blue balls at once.

Instead, I’d like to offer some different explanations for the white knight phenomenon.

The Oblivious Super Alpha Male

Surprisingly few alpha males — those men who are good with women — are white knighters. Experience with women disabuses such men of any romantic notions of the fairer sex. You will hardly ever hear an alpha male praising the sublime virtues of women because he knows they have none (as a gender). But a few alpha males do embrace the white knight schtick. These are the snobby guys who have had no trouble getting women since they can remember, and are so high status that they have never seen the seedy, gritty, grimy part of women’s natures. Women are extra careful around very high status men to present only their sanitized best, so the super alpha never gets to know the annoying shit that women put typical men through. As a result, he is genuinely perplexed when he hears other men complain about women’s behavior, and feels a compulsion to rush to the women’s defense.

The Father of a Daughter

He knows better, but because he has a female charge under his supervision and caretaking, he hypocritically enforces social sanctions against lifting the veil on women’s true sexual natures. This is as much for his benefit as his daughter’s. If beta males stopped white knighting for his daughter, she would be nakedly exposed to the merciless vagaries of the dating market, and suitors would not bend over backwards to please his daughter with gifts of myrrh and golden pedestals. It is in a a father’s interest for young men to glorify his precious little princess, and provide for her and her dalliances with the DJ.

The Married Schlub/”I’m in a relationship” Guy

You know that lifeless herb who has been married for so long that he doesn’t remember what it was like to be single and on the prowl for pussy? Or how about that oddly proud guy who can’t wait to blurt out at the flimsiest excuse that he’s in a relationship? A lot of white knighters are drawn from this group of men, because being in a marriage or long term relationship clouds a man’s perceptiveness of women. Like heated molecules in a chamber, LTRs tend to settle from a high entropy state into a comfortable equilibrium of Netflix queues, sushi and missionary style. Men in these testes-shriveling circumstances lose their powers of observation and begin to assume all women are just like their contented, faithful (and aging) partners. It’s a classic case of psychological projection, whereby men ensconced in secure relationships project their limited experience with their wives or girlfriends onto all of womankind. These men are often the most infuriating white knighters, because when you listen to them blab on and on about “treating women with respect” and all the good women that are out there, you know that as soon as they get cheated on or dumped by their cow girlfriends they’ll be blaming themselves right to the grave.

The Male Feminist

Similar to the gallant bait-and-switch beta males, male feminists are their ideological cousins who try to ingratiate themselves to the slutty fat feminists in their company in hopes of tapping some water balloon-shaped vulvae. These guys wear shirts that say “this is what a feminist looks like” and cross their legs when they sit. They are huge hypocrites, because despite having been on the receiving end of a lot of female neglect, manipulation and shit testing, they still cling to their unctuous little ideology. Ideologues are auto-brainwashed. They will never see the light. Best just to enjoy a cruel laugh at their expense.

The Self-Denier

Imagine a plush beta male who has experienced nothing but woe with women. He has been LJBFed, ignored, pitied, humored, used, dumped and drained of all his resources except his balls. He’s not repulsive to women, but he just doesn’t much turn them on, and he can’t figure out why. He grows bitter with the years and the fat chicks and wrinkly cougars he manages to bang as a consolation prize. The truth about women stares him in the face — in fact, smacks him upside the head every day — and yet he clings to platitudes and juvenile romantic idealism with all his power, afraid that should he let go, his whole dating life will be revealed for the sham it is. In self-deception, there is sanity. Oftentimes, the most emphatically dogmatic white knighters are these hopeless losers in love, teetering on the precipice of revelation, a hairsbreadth away from total ego meltdown.

The Deeply Embedded Gene Machine

Underlying it all is the genetic machinery that propels groups and nations of men in different sociosexual directions. Fittingly, white knighting appears to be predominately an ethnically European white man disease. Those schooled in the science of evolutionary psychology would say that harsh winters evolved a modern European man predisposed to monogamy and, hence, to jealously guarding the virtue of his mate. White knighting and pedestalizing thus serve the dual functions of artificially boosting the perceived value of a potential lifelong mate, and of warning male interlopers away.

There are too many forces in motion that keep white knighting alive and relevant, so unless outposts like this humble blog go global with the truth about women, there is almost no chance that more than an enlightened minority of men will wake up to reality.

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Top 10 Signs You’re Not A Beta Male

A (presumably) female author going by the nom de plume ‘XX’ has written an article for AskMen (hereby renamed to AskNancyboys) called “Top 10 Signs You’re Not An Alpha Male.” (Aren’t you glad to see Chateau concepts popularized throughout the legacy media? Next up: The New York Times renames itself to the more appropriate New York Beta Times.) After reading through, it became apparent the authoress should have titled her article “Top 10 Signs You’re Not A Beta Male”, because her complaints more accurately reflect the behaviors of higher value men.

Let’s go through her list.

No.10 You Let Her Pay For Dinner

An Alpha Male provides for his pack. If she tries to contribute to this, he calmly takes the check and says, “I’ll handle this.” End of discussion.

First, an alpha male does not take women he hasn’t sexed yet on dinner dates. He takes them to bars and keeps his cost-per-lay low by limiting expenditures to a couple of vodka tonics, and does not entertain the idea of spending a lot of money on women until they have proven themselves worthy of his resources. The judgement of her worthiness necessarily follows her sexual surrender.

Second, a pretty woman is not a “pack” that must be impressed. She is a self-absorbed princess wannabe who must be seduced. Any successful seduction begins with bringing her down to earth where her unnaturally inflated value won’t intrude upon her desire to sleep with you. Groveling for her approval by throwing money and meals at her is the wrong way to cut the legs out from under her symbiotically fused princess pedestal.

No.9 You Never Apologize, Even When You’re Wrong

An Alpha Male has no hang-ups. He simply says, “I was wrong. I apologize.” And he rectifies the problem if possible.

Is ‘XX’ a regular reader of this beautiful blog? It sounds like she is directly responding to concepts explored here. Anyhow, she is trying to pound alpha males (heh) into a self-serving definition that is 180 degrees at odds with reality. And what is that reality? Betas do the apologizing. Alphas reframe, evade or accuse nebulous third parties. “Mistakes were made”. See: Bill Clinton. Or any high-powered politico for that matter. Now women may love the *idea* of a man who never balks to apologize for a misdeed, but like with so many pleasantly comforting notions that get derailed somewhere between the female brain and her pulsing vagina, the truth is that what she claims she wants in men and what she actually falls for are rarely the same.

No.8 You Suck Up To Leaders And Seek Their Approval

An Alpha Male doesn’t suck up to anyone. He is the leader.

True, but banal. And in fact, there are times when the alpha male may decide it is personally advantageous to suck up to a person in a position to advance his interests. The alpha male is, above all else, out for himself.

No.7 You Gossip

About your boss. About your buddies. About your girlfriend. You don’t mind pointing out other people’s failings and weaknesses and having a good laugh. An Alpha Male never betrays his pack. He doesn’t need to build himself up by tearing others down.

Wishful thinking. Alphas often enjoy a laugh at others’ expense, and betrayal, normally an invidious vice, is just another tool in the alpha’s box of Machiavellian self-advancement. Alphas will sometimes tear others down just for the cruel thrill of it, even when it serves no useful purpose. It seems what we have here in ‘XX’ is a woman who is describing what she wishes alpha males were actually like instead of what they really are like. Of course, if she got her wish, there wouldn’t be any men left that would make her horny.

No.6 You Panic In A Crisis

An Alpha Male’s natural element is change. Rapid change is simply an interesting challenge to him. He goes into a special kind of ice-cold, almost detached state, quickly sums up the situation, does due diligence if time allows for it, and acts immediately and decisively based on prior experience if there is no time to spare.

“Ice-cold”? “Detached”? ‘XX’ loves that stone cold killer instinct in alpha males. It doesn’t take much for the veil of pretty lies to slip, eh XX?

No. 6 is true, if again banal. Of course, grace under pressure sometimes entails lying and manipulating to neutralize the crisis.

No.5 You Act Before You Think

An Alpha Male may act with lightning speed, but he always thinks before he acts. He never runs to the corner and goes off in all directions like a type-A guy does.

This is too vague to accurately define an alpha male in all circumstances. There are times when the alpha male is impulsive, and reckless, and women, bless their hamster-y hearts, flock to these types of ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ guys. Male risk-taking is, in fact, very attractive to women. The kid who just did a triple flip on his skateboard is going to get a lot more attention from girls than the studious bookworm.

What ‘XX’ is circuitously describing is alpha male intelligence. The most desirable alpha males couple their risk-taking with intelligent aforethought, maximizing their chances of success. But women aren’t interested in the prudent thinking process leading up to a risky decision. It’s the fireworks at the end of a spectacularly successful gamble that turns them on.

No.4 You Blame Others

An Alpha Male takes responsibility for his own actions.

Not if he can get away with blaming failures on others. If successful, naturally he will seek to take as much credit as possible.

No.3 You Lie

To your boss. To your buddies. To your girlfriend. An Alpha Male isn’t a liar. He’s a stand-up guy; he shoots straight. He doesn’t have to slither out of a mess he got himself into. He does what’s right, and lets the chips fall where they may.

Fat girlfriend: Do you think my ass looks big in this dress?

Alpha male straight shooter: Yes, because your ass is too fat. And, by the way, I’m cheating on you with a thinner girl because I can’t get it up for you anymore.

No. 3 FAIL.

No.2 You Betray Others To Get Ahead

An Alpha Male never betrays a member of his pack.

What’s with this pack shit? ‘XX’ has some serious issues about betrayal. Was she betrayed by a man she loved? An alpha male vows fealty to one pack: the package in his pants.

Beta males are the ones less likely to betray a “member of the pack”, because they don’t have the stones to do it.

No.1 You Bully People

An Alpha Male takes on a real fight when it is necessary, and only if it is necessary (Alphas are not “scrappers”), but he won’t think twice taking on someone far bigger/stronger/better-situated than he is if the matter being decided is serious. And due to his fierce drive, chances are good he will win.

Wrong. An alpha male will act to hide his views or avoid a lopsided fight if it is personally advantageous to do so. It’s not cowardice to sidestep a fight with a man much bigger than yourself; it’s smarts. Just like it’s not bravery to stand in the path of a speeding train. As for bullying people, yes, alpha males don’t usually engage in that because their value is high enough that they can afford to be magnanimous to lessers. But it’s not betas who bully either. Betas, true to their natures, don’t really have the balls or assertive spirit to bully. Instead, it’s usually those men just below alpha status — the lesser alphas — who love to bully, because they see it as an opportunity to raise or maintain their “pack” status.

Every time I hear these steaming turd piles of pretty lies from women, I’m always impressed by how utterly oblivious they are to their own histories with men. When you hear a woman prattle on in vapid platitudes about her ideal virtuous alpha male, you can be certain she has banged a parade of the biggest assholes in her own life. It makes sense when you consider that so much of female thinking is rationalizing away the unsettling truth of their sexual natures.

If you’re looking for a girlfriend, this is how you know when it’s time to file your date under the pump and dump category: if she waxes eloquent about how important it is to her that a man doesn’t lie, cheat, steal, betray, or neglect to hold doors open for her, you know she has dated plenty of exactly those types of men. Do the opposite of what she says she likes in men.

Conversely, if she divulges that she likes men who sometimes, heaven forfend!, say impolite things or let her pick up the bar tab, you are dealing with a girl who has dated decent fellows. It’s often the genuine nicegirls, with their histories of dating non-assholes, who feel comfortable opening up about their craving for a just a tiny bit of assholery in their lives.

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Whipped

*Update below*

I couldn’t help overhearing every snippet of their conversation as the night wore on.

Him: I’m gonna have a glass of wine.

Her: No, you aren’t. You’ve had enough.

Him: *heavy sigh* *chin into chest*

***

Him: Can you look up the weather for tomorrow?

Her: No, I’m doing something right now, can’t you see?

***

Him: We’re going to Thailand next month.

Her: No, *I’m* going to Thailand. He’s just meeting me there later.

***

Him: I’ve gotta check the travel itinerary.

Her: In a minute. Just relax, I’ll get to it.

***

Disgusted, I turned to my companion.

“How long have they been together?”

“Five years!”

Five years of putting up with that impudence from a woman. I’d sooner join a monastery.

The dude in question was an average looking guy with a decent personality. Just an everyday normal beta male absorbing body blows of insolence from his girlfriend in a public setting, his hound dog face betraying a weary resignation.

Question directed to the studio audience. What particular fact which I left out of this post explains why this relationship has lasted five years?

Hint: A hot chick would quickly dump a beta of that magnitude.

UPDATE

Frank Xavier was the first commenter to get the right answer:

She’s put on lots of weight since they started going out.

She wasn’t exactly svelte when he met her, but she blimped out as the relationship progressed. The residual attraction he used to feel for her has created inertia, keeping him glued in place. He is a beta filled with the fear of the unknown, so it is difficult for him to leave relationships. But what about her? Most women would either cheat on or dump a sniveling lackey in short order… unless the woman was fat.

Fat women subconsciously know — though they will never admit it — that they have fewer options in the dating market than they would have if they were thin. She hates having to boss him around, and harbors contempt for him, but she knows she will be single a long time if she were to leave him. The sexual market is merciless in its judgment.

Result: He puts up with her fatness, and she puts up with his betaness.

If options = instability, then lack of options = stability.

And you’d be surprised just how many relationships, marriages included, fall into this soul-sucking pattern. When you see an ugly couple together, physically and/or psychologically ugly, don’t try to soften the revulsion you feel by chanting to yourself that they’re happy. They’re not. They’ve just given up, and in their surrender there is a numbing relief that accompanies the resignation.

Comfortably numb, is how I’d describe the typical beta male/unattractive female relationship.

Those commenters who said that some women like weak betas they can dominate are wrong. You can see it in the faces of both man and woman when the dominance/submission polarity is reversed: he will look beaten down, like a tired old hound dog, and she will look tense and irritable, like a woman cursed with perpetual PMS.

What women like and what women settle for are rarely, for the majority of women, the same thing. Women don’t want to be the dominant ones in relationships, but against their deepest desires they will assume the role if the man refuses to step up. As commenter Rollo wrote:

In any relationship, by order of degrees, there will always be a dominant and a submissive partner. For what ever reason (probably a belief in egalitarian gender equality) he chose the submissive partner role and abdicated to the authority of a dominant partner who didn’t have his best interests as her concern. She grows to resent him and now his life is over.

If you find yourself in a slave-like state, more likely than not a woman’s realized you’ve failed a great many of her past shit tests and will be reluctant to give up any semblance of power she thinks she has at this point. When a woman comes to recognize that her BF/husband can’t or wont provide her with the security she needs for herself and her children she will assume the role of the primary herself. Power abhors a vacuum and she will readily step into the role of the traditional security provider if a man is unwilling or incapable of doing so.

Confirmation of Rollo’s analysis is that the guy in question is a flaming left winger. He probably is knee-deep in the mental sludge of gender equalism.

Commenters who thought they might be married made good guesses. Many otherwise strong and proud men are reduced to groveling errand boys by the omnipresent threat of divorce theft.

Many commenters seemed to think the answer lay in the couple’s ethnicity or religion. I’m not sure why that would make a difference when we are examining fundamental and universal principles of sex relations, but since it titillates so many of you I’ll reveal that it was gentile-jewish couple. Which was which I’ll leave to you to figure out.

UPDATE 2

Some readers want to know how to respond to an insolent girlfriend dominating you in a public setting. The answer is… wait for it…

amused mastery!

For instance:

You: I’m gonna have a glass of wine.

Her: No, you aren’t. You’ve had enough.

You: [hold the glass with pinky out and drink it slowly in front of her. make slurping noises while doing this] Aaaaaahhhh!

That’s how you handle that. Don’t get angry or spiteful or nasty. That will backfire on you when there are people around. Plus, when a girlfriend has been dominating you for years, it’s going to take a lot more careful strategic thinking to break her in. You don’t tame a wild horse by yelling at it after it’s thrown you off, and the same goes for taming women.

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Prince William: Beta Chump

Kate Middleton, a rather mannish-looking princess-to-be (get a load of that wedge-shaped chin), has excised the ‘obey’ part from her wedding vows. Her feminist sensibilities have got the best of her, so she will not be vowing any obedience to her Prince. Perhaps William could take a page from her book and alter his wedding vows to suit a more contemporary interpretation:

“I, beta supremo, take thee, annoying ballbuster, to be my lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love as a legally recognized equal in every way except for those times I’m required to prop her on a pedestal and sing her praises to all and sundry, till death or a financial catastrophe from divorce us do part, according to culturally specific traditional folkways; and thereto I plight thee the last vestige of my manly fortitude.”

I’m sure Kate batted her eyelashes and glowed a bit in the cheeks when she kindly asked directed William to accept her changes to the traditional English wedding vows, and I’m sure William, being the good enlightened poodleboy he is, pretended to happily agree, figuring that she would love him even more for his understanding and progressive attitude.

I’ve got news for ya, ol’ chap. She won’t. In fact, she’ll likely come to resent you for caving to her demands.

To understand this female peculiarity with issuing demands they don’t really want to see acceded, you have to envision that each woman has two mouths. One mouth, the face mouth, says the words that your ears actually hear. This is the mouth that concatenates and delivers the sentence fragments that form in the prefrontal cortex of her mind. She means these words, inasmuch as that part of her brain retains control over the other parts of her brain. Unfortunately, that is rarely the case.

The other mouth, the vagina mouth, only says words that her hindbrain hears. These are words not meant for either your ears or her ears. Her hamster, though, does hear them, and his job is to spin those words, devilish as they are, into palatable rationalizations which are then shuttled to the polite and civilized cortex for mastication.

So, the face mouth says ‘I will not obey and he better agree with me’, while the vagina mouth whispers ‘Jesus, if he bends to my feminist will I’m going to dry up in bed and start daydreaming of the gruff bouncer at Shariadiscoteque.’

Before I knew of this ‘obey’ tidbit, I would have given this celebutard marriage pretty good odds of surviving to the decrepit end. After all, she is marrying a prince. And she’s not exactly the hottest babe he could have snagged. But now that this has come out, I revise my estimate downward. The chance of Kate absconding with a swarthy southerner on a weekend junket aboard his yacht has just doubled.

Like father, like son. Even royalty can’t compensate for cringing betaness.

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Why Game Is Important For Fathers

A reader emailed a heartbreaking story to the Chateau. I reprint it here in the full because there is so much in it that could serve as lessons in life, alphaness and fatherhood. As you read it, prepare to cringe. Do you see a little of yourself in the father? In the son?

******

I really don’t know who else i could write to about this.

Today i was out for lunch with my dad. Sushi, as it was. My father isn’t the most assertive man, I’ve come to realize. but when this half-baked early 20’s asian in skater jeans and ray ban corrective glasses doesn’t bring us our food until we ask about it a half hour later, and still gets it wrong, and then continues to delay most of our food we have to leave before we get to eat the half of it. I was ready to get in the face of the woman at the register, but i thought it was my dad’s place to do so, since he was buying and he is my father. but he bumbled up to the counter,

“um, excuse me, our food was late and we didn’t get to eat it all…” He trailed off. The woman behind the counter looks up with her eyes glazed over, and gives him the bill.

“no, no, i don’t know if i should pay full price…”

she points to the bill which says (10% off -2.59)
BEFORE tax.

so he paid the 30 dollar bill with his two dollars off. i was thoroughly embarrassed. but it was worse. as i’m trying to ignore him, hoping he makes a bigger stand, he touched his hand to my face. it took me a second to realize that this was a playful slap.

“what was that?”
i knew what it was. he had such repressed aggression that he needed to let it out through momentary displays of dominance over his 18-year-old son.

“i just hit you.” he said in a goofy snorting voice, looking at the ground. still in front of the cashier. this was all to win the approval of a 5-foot asian woman in a tank top because he couldn’t stand up to her.

and then there’s my mom, the opposite. imposing, commanding, domineering, unbelievable condescending. she’s a executive director of a research facility. she actually says the only way to get along with her is to say you understand what she’s saying and leave it alone. of course, she can’t see that that’s batshit crazy.

They’re divorced of course.

The issue is, I’m their child. They’re both too deep in their own delusions to even notice that they’re destroying me. and so are my friends. I feel like I’m getting sucked into it. im submitting to my mom, when i used to make her laugh when she was trying to tell me what i’ve done wrong. I finished high school, with no motivation to continue my education. i spend most of my free time in front of a computer. I work a shitty job that I can’t even focus at. I haven’t had sex in months. when i’m at a party i’m more self conscious than i’ve ever been in my life. I can’t hold a conversation like i used to.

my friends suck,
AND I CAN’T STAND THE GIRLS I MEET
I’ve had sex with girls i don’t actually like, and it’s boring as hell.

I’m losing my wit, i’m losing my figure, im losing my ability to be extroverted, i’m losing my will to live.

how do i stay afloat? why should i stay afloat?
A sea of bullshit smells just as bad when you’re on the top of it.

how can i stop this death spiral when there’s nothing i want to hold onto?

I’m hoping for words of wisdom, but putting my long-winded whining in its proper place could be just as helpful.

******

Brutally bare. You’ve just had an insider’s look at the sordid details of a beta father’s life, and the wake of destruction such betaness leaves on the psyches of those around him — his son, his ex-wife and himself, not to mention the automatic disrespect it engenders in strangers. If you are a man and this story doesn’t reach out and punch you in the sternum, you have no life experience and no heart. A better advertisement for learning game to overcome beta weakness I can’t imagine.

Betaness isn’t some grand scheme or bodily disorder. Betaness manifests in the little things, like a father’s inability to square up to a waitress for bad service or his repressed anger played out in subtle dominance moves over his son. When we speak of game being a lethal tool to lift a man up from betaness, we mean it is the little things that game fixes. Forgetting this leads one to easily scoff at game as some kind of magic elixir or cult hypnosis. But focus on the tiny details, fix them one by one, and suddenly a new man appears before you, almost like magic.

If you are a father and you don’t approve of game as a means to pick up women, at least recognize its transformative power to improve your relations with your wife and children, particularly any sons you may have. Your son looks up to you as a leader and a masculine icon, almost despite yourself. When you renege on that implicit promise, he becomes disoriented, even self-loathing. If you are divorced, your son’s time with his cunty domineering single mother will only worsen his state of mind. As the country veers into a dystopia of single momhood and lonely, sackless beta divorcees, expect to see more sons with stories like the one told above. Nothing good can come of it.

Knowing this, learning game is practically a vital imperative. Maybe you can live with yourself as a sniveling little beta shit who can’t chew out — or at least neg — a young asian chick who deserves it because you get all flustered in her presence, but can you live with the pain and embarrassment it causes your son?

Readers generally fall into two camps with regards to the ability of the typical man to understand and apply game. Some believe attractiveness to women is a genetic bestowal, while others believe game, i.e. charisma, can be learned by any man. The answer is somewhere in the gray middle. Yes, some men are born with an incipient natural charm and others are born with the requisite intelligence to parse game concepts, and these men will excel at learning game far beyond what an omega will get from it. Yet there are thousands, maybe millions by this point, of men who have seen improvements in their love lives and their family lives accrue from the blessings of game. These men did not start out with Class A genetic endowments. Their very existence proves that sheer willpower — the will to mold their environments, and themselves, to their advantage — can mean the difference between being the father in this young man’s story and being a better man his son would be proud to call dad.

Stories like the above show that betaness is not solely, or even primarily, a genetic curse. A father’s actions have real repercussions on his son’s trajectory in life. The father in the story acted horribly beta and his son was aware of it. His low status behavior left a lasting imprint on his son’s soul, and as a result the son’s self-conception has been altered, and now careens down a darker path, into deep thickets and waist-high bogs bubbling with doubt and anger. This is one way in which generational betaness is passed on, from father to son.

Imagine a different scenario had played out. A GAME scenario.

Today i was out for lunch with my dad. Sushi, as it was. My father is a serene man with a well of righteous dignity, I’ve come to realize. when this half-baked early 20’s asian in skater jeans and ray ban corrective glasses doesn’t bring us our food until my dad asks if there’s a kitchen fire holding up our order, and still gets it wrong, and then continues to delay most of our food we have to leave before we get to eat the half of it. I was ready to get in the face of the woman at the register, but i thought it was my dad’s place to do so, since he was buying and he is my father. He strode up to the counter, chin high and chest out:

“I won’t be paying this bill today. Our food was late and we didn’t get to eat it. If you have a problem with that perhaps I could let the other patrons here know how incredibly poor your service is.” He motioned to the diners seated neraby. The woman behind the counter looks up with worry in her eyes, and offers to give him a free meal and a 50% reduction on the bill.

“My son might come here to eat another time. I expect him to be served respectfully.”

As i’m beaming with pride for my father, he puts his hand on my shoulder and leads me out of the restaurant.

“I got you the waitress’s number, son. Don’t forget to make fun of her glasses.”

Impossible? One weekend reading this blog and that father could have saved his son’s soul that day. He might even have saved his marriage, but judging by the description of the mother, I’m not sure he’d have wanted to once he figured out that game gave him the ability to date more women. And better women.

The only advice I have for the young man who emailed me is the following:

1. Stop beating up on yourself and acting so goddamned melodramatic. You have much insight for your age. Your intelligence will take you far. Now what you need is calm and wisdom.

2. This too shall pass.

3. The big picture trumps the little picture.

4. Stay away from your mother as much as humanly possible. She is damaged goods for you. Single moms, even your own flesh and blood, are poison for your growth as a man and a ladykiller.

5. For that matter, stay away from your father. Unless he is willing to change, he will only continue to infect you with his beta loser stench. Harsh words, I know, but your well-being trumps all.

6. If you are not ready to give up on either of your parents, then show your father this blog. Tell him to read from day one. Enlightenment is a mouse click away.

7. Show your mother this blog too. Expect hysterics.

8. Stand up to your mother. From what you have written, she sounds like an emotional vampire who demands payment in obeisance and comes to loathe those who give her what she wants. Fuck that noise. Get back to the cocky/funny that you used to be around her.

9. If all the above fail, consider physically moving away from these parasites. Friends, family, everyone. Gather your savings, quit your job, and move to a new city or even a new country.

10. Someday you will die. But that day is not today. Now is the time to live.

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The Most Beta Song Ever

“Calling You”, Blue October.

Here’s a sample of the lyrics:

Theres something that i cant quite explain
i’m so in love with you
you’ll never take that away

and if i said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more
you never take that away

well expect me to be
calling you to see
if you’re ok when i’m not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile

well i will keep calling you to see
if you’re sleepin are you dreamin and
if you’re dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked…me

Truly puke-inducing. A non-rockstar taking the message of this song to heart would ensure himself years of involuntary celibacy. Shame, too, because it’s a catchy tune. And therein lies its nefarious power. The music lulls you into a false sense of comfortable masculinity while the lyrics fill your head with a message that would shrivel the testicles of a bull moose.

Runner-Up Beta Song:

“She’s So High”, Tal Bachman

Any nominees for most alpha song of all time? And no cheesy tunes like “Born in the USA” or anything by a 1980s hair band singing about banging chicks on car hoods or riding the road alone. Although I would accept “Hot for Teacher” as a legit contender. I got my pencil! Not sure if the early 90s grunge era qualifies. Nirvana and Pearl Jam sound superficially alpha but their messages are borderline limp-wrist. They were the emo prototypes, after all. Music in the 2000s took a decided turn for the beta, which should tell us something about the quality of “men” now populating America. Arcade Fire and MGMT make great music, but let’s face it, they’re kind of faggy. Muse might be the closest thing to an alpha band we have at the moment. (I consider rap and hip hop to be cartoon versions of alpha, which is not as bad as being beta, but not up to amused mastery levels. Rap is like the bellowing douchebag at a bar who assertively but sloppily hits on a girl, gets rejected, and then calls her a bitch.)

It’s looking more and more like the last of the great alpha songs ended sometime in the late 70s. This perfectly mirrors the general decline of America. Discuss amongst yourselves.

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Love: When Women Turn Into Beta Males

When are women most like beta males? When they’re in love.

No, I’m not talking about the “he’s got acceptable college credentials and a good job and car” kind of ledger book love. I’m talking about the “he smells so great and I love the way he buttons his shirt from the bottom up and I can’t wait to jump into his arms at the end of the day” kind of love. The two kinds of love are very different, and often mutually exclusive.

When a woman falls into the second kind of love she begins to behave around her man much like a beta male does around women he is attracted to. The change is such a radical metamorphosis that it leads one to believe that love rewires a woman’s brain in a direction that makes her singularly vulnerable to the vicissitudes of romance. It’s no wonder then that women are very careful about doling out the innermost sanctum of their hearts to just any man. Even sluts, who let it be known aren’t exactly inclined to impart their pussies with much significance, are surprisingly circumspect about how quickly and easily they allow themselves to fall in love.

Here is a partial list of the similarities between the woman in love and the beta male:

Woman In Love (WIL) – goes out of her way to please her lover
Beta Male (BM) – goes out of his way to please his LJBF

WIL – small deviations from the relationship norm send her into a tizzy of self-doubt
BM – every little thing she says sends him into a tizzy of overanalysis

WIL – tears flow effortlessly from the slightest infraction
BM – self-hate flows effortlessly from the slightest infraction

WIL – quick to blame herself for relationship problems
BM – quick to blame women for dating problems

WIL – eager for constant stream of validation from her lover
BM – eager for constant stream of indicators of interest from women

WIL – asks “do you love me as much as I love you?”
BM – asks “do you like me?” (Or behaves in a way that subcommunicates asking this kind of question.)

WIL – pushes for validation by stating “sometimes I feel like you’re not all there with me.”
BM – pushes for validation by asking “are we dating?”

WIL – seeks to calm her self-doubt with continual positive appraisals of the relationship status
BM – seeks to calm his self-doubt with continual positive signs of emotional intimacy

WIL – calls at awkward times because she has sixth sense for when her man might be flirting with another woman
BM – calls at awkward times because he has no sense for when a woman doesn’t like him

WIL – gets really nervous if her lover calls her from a bar
BM – gets really nervous if his object of affection doesn’t return his calls

WIL – “Why is he working late? I’ll call him.”
BM – “Why hasn’t she replied to my text yet? I’ll send another.”

WIL – suffers from oneitis
BM – suffers from oneitis

WIL – quick to ignore her lover’s faults
BM – quick to ignore his date’s faults

WIL – feels like she’s walking on eggshells
BM – ditto

WIL – works harder and harder to please her lover the more the relationship fades
BM – works harder and harder to suck up to a date the more indifference she shows

WIL – will forgive him anything, even, sometimes, cheating
BM – will forgive her anything, even, sometimes, sexless manipulation

WIL – can’t wait to introduce him to everyone she knows
BM – can’t wait to be seen around town with her

WIL – super sensitive to the mildest criticism
BM – doubleplusditto

WIL – fawning
BM – cloying

WIL – sexually submissive
BM – emotionally submissive

WIL – masturbates quite frequently when lover is away
BM – masturbates quite frequently

WIL – needs reassurance that he loves her and will make a future with her
BM – needs reassurance that she sees him “in that way”

WIL – can cuddle for hours with her lover
BM – can cuddle for hours given half the chance

WIL – her lover is a jerk, but she thinks he’s a paragon of masculine virtue
BM – his date is a cocktease, but he thinks she’s a paragon of feminine virtue

WIL – frets over the minutest details of every word he says, every text or voicemail he sends, and every wink he throws
BM – was born fretting

WIL – will ignore or rationalize red flags
BM – will completely miss red flags

WIL – will audibly sigh with pleasure when thinking about her lover
BM – will audibly moan with discomfort when thinking about his performance on the last date

WIL – will cherish every hackneyed romantic word her lover whispers in her ear
BM – will cherish a date-ending peck on the cheek

WIL – will constantly qualify herself to her lover
BM – will constantly qualify himself to his date

WIL – will stop shit testing, or, even better, will begin to shit test *herself*
BM – will fail every shit test

WIL – will worry about every blemish, every single pound of weight gain, and every bad haircut because it might turn off her lover
BM – will worry about every word out of his mouth because it might turn off his date

WIL – will suffer greatly if her lover leaves her
BM – will suffer greatly if his date LJBFs him

What this list juxtaposes is the illuminative comparison between women in love and beta males. It is not a list of beta female traits. That is a different thing entirely. Beta females are defined mostly by their plain looks and their inability to convince high value men to commit to them.

What is interesting here is that the woman in love who behaves like a beta male might still be an alpha female on the dating market. This would be true if, for instance, she was a hot broad. Women who lapse into total servility and betatude with their lovers don’t usually carry that over into their dealings with other men. The woman in love might be a beta to her lover, but she’s still a stone cold bitch to you.

Correction: Women in love tend to be nicer in general to all men, because their need for love has been met. Her prime directive fulfilled, she can now ease up on the bitch shields and shit tests with men she has no intention of dating.

A woman in love, in short, suffers from a form of Stockholm Syndrome. She is held captive by her lover, and wouldn’t have it any other way.

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