The Easiest Way To Bang A Hot Chick

If you are a beta who lacks the game, attributes, or status to bed 8s and above there is hope for you. By choosing your targets wisely, you can experience the exquisite and unparalleled pleasure of having sex with a hot girl — the kind of girl normally reserved for the apex alphas at the top of the human food chain. The trick is in knowing how to identify the most responsive targets.

I’ve devised a search and seduce target designation system for finding the hottest girls most likely to give it up to a sub-alpha such as yourself. Each of the factors listed below corresponds to better odds that the hot girl who has that problem will date and bang you. As the “negative” traits accumulate, the odds of hot girl sex increase exponentially rather than linearly.

• Over 25
  Odds increase by: 10% for each additional year, -20% age 30, +30% ages 31 and up

Obviously, the window to take advantage of the Age-Leg Opening association is small, perhaps only 5 years, because past a certain age her legs will no longer open to the vagina of an 8, but a 6 or less. And if you’re going to settle for 6 vaginas, you may as well limit your efforts to young 6s. In the rare cases where a woman manages to stay hot into her 30s, expect the Age-Leg Opening association to temporarily reverse around the age of 30. This is because all single women experience a delusional reevaluation of their marketability when they hit the milestone of 30. They play hard to get one last time in hopes they can recapture the glory of their youth. Of course, this phase ends quickly as she rediscovers reality and spinsterhood looms. After this brief but frantic period when she has gone through the five stages of cougar grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance* — she’ll adjust her Leg Opening Quotient incrementally until she stops being invisible to men.

* Future post.

• Single Mom
  Odds increase by: 50% for the first kid (85% if a Downs Syndrome kid), 20% for each additional kid

A hot chick’s kid will give you the second biggest bang for your buck (see below for the biggest hot pussy discount). Since it is ingrained in men to avoid investing their precious resources into the raising of another man’s spawn, especially if that other man was some badboy who stretched out her vagina and left a stargate for you to have frictionless sex, a woman who is raising a kid on her own due to poor judgment, getting dumped, or divorce (75% chance it was initiated by her) will be the most congenial date you will ever experience. There will be zero shit testing and she will have nothing but smiles for you. Her hand will be on your thigh within five minutes of meeting, and she will pay for your drink out of courtesy for the time taken from your busy schedule to meet her. A single mom who has the night free because her kids are at grandma’s is good to go before the first drinks arrive. They often have condoms in their purses, glove compartments, medicine cabinets, nightstands, and in a secret compartment behind that portrait of great-aunt Gertrude. You should definitely wear your own bulletproof condom with a single mom because you know you are dealing with a fertile woman and one who will be tempted to entrap you old school style. Flush the used condom immediately after you are done. They are that desperate.

Note: Avoid tripping over toys and landing on your erection.

• Physical Deformity
  Odds increase by: 20 – 150%, depending on severity of disfigurement

This is by far the most advantageous flaw a hot chick can possess. A perfect 10 with a physical deformity, even something trivial like a missing pinky toe, will devalue her own beauty. The worse the deformity, the lower her self-esteem will drop and the higher her character will rise. A 10 with a missing boob will think and act like a 7. Missing an entire leg? She’ll be a de facto 4. Hermaphrodite? Her secret shame will put her on the level of a morbidly obese smelly hausfrau. Naturally, you’ll want to focus on those disfigured women whose abnormalities don’t detract from their pretty faces or sexy bodies. The girl with the missing arm from this post qualifies. A girl with a moustache or steatopygia would not.

Note: Personality deformities have NO EFFECT on a hot chick’s self-appraisal. In fact, a seriously flawed personality may actually boost her ego, as she will continue to get attention from men no matter how poorly she behaves, and will assume it means, using chick logic, that her shitty attitude is what keeps them coming back for more.

• Former Fatty
  Odds increase by: 10 – 70%, depending on length and heft of fat phase

Yet another goldmine for the beta who wants to taste the forbidden fruit of exceptional pussy. A former fatty, by dint of her painful past dealing with the cold stares of indifference and sneers of cruelty, will be grounded and grateful for male attention. A former fatty’s mindset is still that of the fat girl she left behind – the mind changes slower than the body. The time to strike is when her memories are strong and her reconstructed body is tight. The fatter a former fatty was, the more appreciative she will be of your romantic interest. A 300 pound whale who slims down to a svelte 120 pounds will attack you sexually with the zeal of a released inmate let loose in a brothel after 20 years in the hole.

Caution: The longer a former fatty is skinny, the more her soul will twist into the corrupted spectre of a self-absorbed egomaniac princess. You’ll want to catch her before her horrible memories fade (think “Silence of the Heifers”), she swaps loyal down to earth friends for superficial hottie friends, and hundreds of betas throw themselves at her feet.

• Recent Divorcee
  Odds increase by: 20% if she filed for divorce, 40% if her ex filed for divorce

A recent divorcee wants to feel attractive again. She probably hasn’t had sex with her husband in years and relishes the prospect of intimacy with fresh cock. A divorcee is different than a rebound. Most hot girls on the rebound will keep their standards. A hot divorcee will lower them; she has been insulated and out of the dating scene so long that your fawning beta attention will be attractive to her. Double plus leg-spreading points if her husband left her in the middle of the night for a stripper half her age. She will crave your sexual desire. Expect to feel like the woman on any date with her.

• Foreigner
  Odds increase by: 60% if she is from a patriarchal culture (Russia), 30% if she is from a feminized culture (Sweden), 80% if she is from a dirt poor patriarchal culture and she’s trying to get a green card

The theory of hybrid vigor and the “expert from afar” psychological phenomenon makes hot foreign pussy very attainable for the average American beta male. Even interstate travel can increase the odds of a beta scoring pussy normally out of his reach, thanks to the automatic deference that girls give to strange men from faraway lands. (Hotel bar + traveling salesman = fling.) You will do very well with an East European green card whore who has little sexual experience with foreign men. The fact that East European women are significantly more beautiful than American women is just icing on the cake. With the right motivation and travel itinerary you could conceivably pull your first 10.

Note: Due to the hypergamous trajectory of feminized Western cultures where the hot women are accustomed to sharing the top 20% of men and the leftover betas are sniveling papoose-wearing spineless turds, your exotic foreign aura won’t be as effective at landing that bombshell Swede without supplemental alpha traits.

Conclusion

Beta, desperate, and settling is no way to go through life, son. You don’t need to fantasize what sex with a really hot girl feels like, anymore. By zeroing in on girls with any combination of the above characteristics, you can greatly improve your odds of banging quality pussy.

There aren’t many guarantees in life, but if you find a hot 29 year old, single Russian mom with four Downs Syndrome kids, a superfluous clitoris and a missing engagement ring finger, who used to weight 450 pounds, and whose husband divorced her yesterday before her citizenship was approved, sit back and relax, betaboy. Your job is done.

Happy hunting!

Read Full Post »

A Bike Messenger Lesson

My neighbor was sitting on the stoop smoking a cigarette, bike messenger cap propped at a jaunty angle, looking morose. I stopped to say hi. I normally enjoy conversation with him because as a bike messenger dealing with DC cabbies, rampaging Metro buses, lackadaisical cops, and douchey BMW-driving yuppies glued to their cell phones he usually has some funny stories to tell. Plus, his personal history is dramatic, having fled New Orleans with his girlfriend when their home (yes, in other parts of the country young people are able to afford a house together) was flooded by Katrina and winding up in DC living in a one bedroom basement apartment to carve out a new life for themselves. He had dreams to open a Cajun-style restaurant.

But this time was different.

“Yeah, me and my girl broke up.”

“Wow, sorry about that, man.” I didn’t need to ask who dumped whom; it was obvious by the way his voice trailed off when he spoke.

We talked a little more. He didn’t give specific reasons for the breakup and I didn’t console him beyond the most perfunctory acknowledgment. Consoling is for women. Men advise and motivate. So I told him to hang with me and my buddies next time we were out, there would be plenty of new women to meet. He said sure, but his slumped body language revealed a beaten man.

I remember the dark thoughts that went through my mind the first time I met him and his girlfriend a year ago: Scruffy low status bike messenger with cute, young Asian girlfriend moving away from the relatively provincial and poor New Orleans into one of the high-flying East Coast megalopolises, right smack into a rapidly gentrifying yuppie neighborhood, filled to brimming with players and alpha males on the make, flashing high status jobs, degrees, bottle service, connections, and sheer overwhelming numbers. As much as they are obviously in love now, their relationship is doomed.

I already knew their trajectory. She compared him to the competition, whether she was aware of this or not. He came up wanting. She flirted and soaked up her newfound power. He looked around and saw 5s acting like 9s and realized he was in a Twilight Zone where his girlfriend was now considered out of his league. She reassessed her sexual market value and slowly withdrew sex, snapping at him constantly for perceived infractions. There was nothing he could do with the meager game skills at his disposal. He reassessed his sexual market value and decided to move out of DC.

Turns out their unconditional love was very conditional. Sometimes all it takes is a move to a different environment to prove that.

People often accuse me of being too abstract in my writing; that what I say doesn’t have much real world relevance to the average person, except in the most extreme circumstances and under laboratory conditions.

On the contrary, everything I write about has the utmost importance to every one of your lives. The arid world of the theoretical is always lurking there in the shadows, stalking you, ready to pounce and devour you in a flash, leaving you wondering why your dopey new age beliefs or romantic visions of love or confidence that the mudbath of human nature doesn’t apply to normal people like yourself weren’t enough to spare you the claw and tooth attack of reality. You are all slave to your beast masters.

I hope bike messenger guy doesn’t see this post.

Read Full Post »

Handholding Daytime Dates

Daytime dates are risky. Besides the sex-killing sobriety, a girl can learn a lot more about you when the sun is up and you’re outside strolling around for hours revealing more of yourself than you would be inclined to at night in a dimly-lit lounge with music to distract her.

An actual Bhutanese man so secure in the size of his member he wears a skirt with legs open:

Dark Corners + Alcohol + Music + Flattering Lighting  + Hidden Groping = Air of Mystery = Sexual Tension = High Chance of Sex.

Bright Sunshine + Outdoors + Downtown Folk Festival + Bhutanese Men in Skirts + Minimal Erogenous Zone Contact = Mystery Revealed = Sexual Tension Relieved = Low Chance of Sex.

Daytime dates are great if you’ve already banged the girl and you want to steer her in the direction of steady girlfriend. Deeper bonds are formed when you’re both sober and can hear each other speak. Plus the daytime allows you to make a more critical assessment of her facial appearance, which matters if you plan to show her to your friends or accidentally ejaculate inside of her.

If you can hold a four hour conversation without it going stale, and still maintain an intriguing demeanor, then by all means take your date out during the day. Just don’t expect it to lead to your bedroom. Best you can do is a cuddle on a park bench and some closed-mouth, publicly-acceptable kissing.

An expert level frumpy white lady listens with rapt attention, bobbing her head up and down, to a Bhutanese man with a woman’s voice sing traditional songs:

Here are whiter people enjoying a traditional Bhutanese dance and lording their enlightened status over the wrong kind of white people (who happened to be in the Texas-themed tent 20 yards away):

FYI: If a girl holds your hand on a daytime date before you’ve sexed her, she sees you as marriage material.

Most girls think that handholding is more intimate than kissing. Many even believe that handholding should not happen until after sex. Girls somehow think palms touching is a bigger deal than genitals slapping.

Are girls in Kansas this way? I doubt it.

Read Full Post »

Handicap Principle

A reader sent me this pic of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and wondered if it showed that Cruise is secretly a nancyboy beta:

signaling the mothership.

The average man could not get away with this obsequious lean-in. If the average man did this with his girlfriend in public men looking on would cringe and women would “AWW” with pity as their vaginas snapped shut. Later that night, the girlfriend of the average man who leaned in would find an excuse to not have sex with him.

Despite the lean-in and the jumping up and down on couches professing his love for Katie, Tom Cruise is a super alpha. He can afford to display the saccharine romantic lovey-dovey behavior of the daydreaming beta because he has extra alpha to spare. It’s why rock stars can sing about the most maudlin treacle, emoting to their hearts’ content about writing love letters for that one special girl who dances in the meadows, without incurring a hit to their sexual market value. In fact, beta signaling by an alpha will actually raise the alpha’s status, helping him avoid the pitfall of being tagged as “arrogant” by potential admirers.

Therefore, if you are a natural super alpha, some acceptable beta things you can do (or are likely already doing) to handicap yourself and paradoxically increase your value are:

• Self-deprecating humor

Natural betas who self-deprecate too much are seen as weak and self-loathing. Natural alphas who self-deprecate are viewed as charming.

• Buying girls drinks

A beta who is generous too soon will seem approval-seeking. An alpha who is generous will seem like an alpha who is generous.

• PDA

Betas should really try hard to curb this urge. Alphas don’t have to worry about slobbering over their girlfriends once in a while, though they rarely do.

• Poetry and mash notes

The closer you are to a natural super alpha, the more you can live your life like a Hollywood movie. This means writing poetry for your girl won’t cost you attractiveness points. If you are a beta, you should never pour your heart out in poems for your girl, unless she has gotten older or fatter. In those cases, she will receive your poem with more gratitude.

• Crying

Dangerous! To be on the safe side, neither alphas nor betas should ever cry in front of their girlfriends, and preferably not in private either (it builds the right habits). But if the circumstances are favorable, and the alpha vibe is particularly strong, and his crying technique is solid, a man may shed a single tear. If all goes well, this act of vulnerability can make a girl’s heart explode with love. NOTE: If your pregnant tear has succeeded in eliciting sexually aroused emotions in your girl, DO NOT get greedy and attempt a second tear. The spell can be broken as quickly as it was cast, and you will go from sensitive strongman to weepy wuss instantly. Wait at least one year before unloading the powerful man tears again.

• Complimenting other men

A beta should refrain from excessive flattery of his betters. In fact, the beta should try not to compliment other men at all, even when the compliment is deserved and the other man’s social cachet is obvious. It’s just too risky. People will presume the complimenting beta is a lickspittle as opposed to assuming the complimenting alpha is someone who is secure enough in himself to offer kind words to other men.

• Lovemaking

Betas – don’t. You should stick to aggressive fucking and kinky sex. An alpha can mix it up with slow lovemaking without risking his status as the one “in charge” in the bedroom.

• Porn

Betas should try and conceal their extensive porn collection from their women, because otherwise they will be pegged as loser pervs. Alphas don’t need to be so secretive about their porn. She’ll probably blame herself for not being enough for him and work twice as hard during sex.

Postscript: Where beta signaling works for alphas, alpha signaling works for betas. Alpha signaling is the heart of game.

Read Full Post »

Kicking Pussy Off The Pedestal

When I was a naive, idealistic lad first sprouting peach fuzz on my gagoots I used to fantasize about the girls I had crushes on. Strolling arm in arm on the beach, naming constellations while lying on the warm summer grass under a starry sky, saving her from a mugger and returning her stolen purse like a hero, kissing her for hours and hours of fully clothed foreplay (wouldn’t want to sully her with sex)… you know, the usual beautiful beta dreaming. In real life, I stared at these girls from across the classroom and doodled their faces in my notebook.

Putting women on a pedestal was my art. And I was good.

Then reality hit me. In the cleansing fires of rejection (and indifference) I learned that women were not pure creatures of light and virtue. I realized instead they were animals, just like men, but operating under a different set of parameters. In my effort to crack the cooch code I watched and mimicked guys who were good with women. I adopted mentors. I experimented. I grew a thick skin.

But before I could stop putting women on a pedestal I had to first kick them off. So I had an asshole phase. I think every man who was not born with his dick in a girl’s mouth needs to go through an asshole phase in order to seduce women in a healthy way. It’s important to experience for oneself what the power of assholery can do to a girl’s attraction buttons — press them like an epileptic on coke and E playing whack-a-mole.

It’s also important to stay in touch with your asshole side in case you ever find yourself slipping into bad beta habits. This way you can play the asshole card when the moment calls for it. Believe me, it’s much more efficient than groveling your way back into her good graces with expensive dinners, flattery, and engagement rings.

Have you ever said “Fuck you” in anger to a girl you were seeing? Have you ever told a girl “Enough of your shit”? Have you ever let a girl argue for 20 minutes then look her in the eye and say “You done?” and walk off? If you haven’t done any of these things you don’t know just how much is possible in your dealings with women.

It’s easy to dismantle the pedestal when you read this:

Scott Peterson, the man who was convicted of murdering his wife and unborn child, had been on Death Row barely an hour when the first proposal arrived from a woman who wants to be the new Mrs. Scott Peterson.

Three dozen phone calls came in to the warden’s office on Peterson’s first day at his new home in San Quentin State Prison — women were pleading for his mailing address, and one smitten 18-year-old said she wanted to marry him.

18 years old. Scott Peterson was twice her age. So much for the theory that chicks get creeped out by older murderers men. Heh.

So think about that the next time you find yourself romanticizing the woman of your dreams. There are women who would take their chances with a sociopathic death row inmate over law-abiding nonmurderous free men they know.

Read Full Post »

Visualizing Beta Part 2

In the last installment of visualizing beta, I ridiculed discussed in an even tone the photo of a lesser beta who wasn’t comfortable enough to drape his arm like a normal human male across the shoulders of an attractive girl. His tragic case was an obvious one. Virginal nerds, like fat chicks, can be spotted from 12 parsecs.

But what about the less obvious cases? A reader sent me an email with the following pic attached and wondered if this guy had the heart of a beta beating feebly underneath his alpha exterior. He based this on his observation that the guy’s body language seems artificial and both of their poses look forced.

The guy’s hand on her (fake) boob screams over-compensation. Real alphas don’t feel a need to claim their girl’s body parts in photos. Usually what you’ll see is the alpha leaning back and the girl claiming him with her hands all over his chest or her head nestled in his shoulder. This is evidence in favor of him being a former beta who is still getting used to the alpha aura that his steroid-fueled muscles give him.

I don’t see anything forced about her pose — she seems genuinely happy to have her tit mauled, but the dark glasses could be hiding the annoyance in her eyes. On the other hand, his pose looks awkward. He looks like he’s trying too hard to impress the photographer and however many millions will see this picture on the internet. I have to admit I am impressed by his nipples of drop-forged steel. You ever see that much nipple on a man?

Although he leans in too much he’s also turned away from the girl looking at the camera. It could be worse; I’ve seen guys in pictures kissing the tops of their girls heads affectionately.

Something about his face tells me he used to be chubby and shy. If there’s such a thing as a “beta face”, like there is a “gay face“, then this guy has it. Pouty lips, deer in the headlights eyes, a shadow of self-doubt. The overall impression is one of a muscular body attached to the wrong head.

This brings up an important issue — can a big guy be a beta? Absolutely, but it’s not nearly as common as a weak spindly man being a beta. If a guy has seriously crippling inner game issues then no matter how much muscle he piles on his weak game will betray him. This is why you can’t consistently judge an alpha male by appearances. Some of the toughest guys I knew bumbled and stumbled in the presence of women.

Since alphaness is ultimately a state of mind and heart, a beta face or an alpha body don’t tell the whole story about a man and his success with women. While a man’s physical appearance correlates with his womanizing prowess it’s far from one-to-one. See: Zach Braff.

However, if a guy gets huge there’s no doubt he’ll carry himself with more confidence. A man can’t help but feel on top of the world when he’s physically more imposing than 90% of all men. For this reason I recommend all men throw iron. It’s not as efficient or as effective as learning game or being excellent in some endeavor that matters to women, but it’s a tangible display of strength that’s bound to increase confidence. And girls like muscle on a man, all else being equal.

As long as men don’t make the common mistake of believing getting huge will automatically improve their notch count they should consider weightlifting (and I’m not opposed to the use of steroids for hardgainers like myself) an excellent adjunct to strengthening what really matters — their sense of self.

Verdict: Lesser Alpha, Former Beta

Read Full Post »

Beta Of The Year Award: Husband Takes Wife’s Name

One of the telltale signs of the escalating emasculation of mainstream American culture has been the trend of wives keeping their maiden names, either in whole or in ridiculous hyphenation. And then selfishly passing on this matronymic abomination to their children. Men relinquish so much autonomy and prerogative to pursue their natural male desires when they get married that it’s the ultimate insult to their dignity to have to throw back the one measly bone of their wives taking their family name. The maiden married name racket is like the ultimate shit test — accede to your wife’s feminist posturing and you will be tarred with the beta brush every day of your life you are married to her.

The irony is that the maiden name is the wife’s father’s name. When a woman keeps her last name in marriage, she’s keeping another man’s name, just not her husband’s. Even women with three generations worth of hyphenated last names are hauling around the history of the male ancestors in their families. The patriarchy that these “enlightened” women are supposedly fighting against lives on.

Which brings us to the first ever Beta Of The Year Award.

Check out this guy who sued the state of California to take his wife’s surname in marriage.

All Michael Buday wanted to do was take the last name of his wife, Diana Bijon, when they married.

But it took two years, a lawsuit alleging sex discrimination and a change in California law before he picked up his new drivers license in the name of Michael Bijon on Monday.

“It was personal. I feel much closer to (Diana’s) father than I do mine. She asked me to take her name and I thought it would be very simple. I never imagined the state would make it so difficult,” Michael Bijon, 31, told reporters.

This guy wins the coveted BOTY trophy (the trophy is a man tucking his junk between his legs). What a bravura performance! Take a curtsy, King Of All Betas.

Look how proud he is of his self-castration:

she fucks him with her clit.

And what does this champion of women’s lib do for a living?

After months of frustration, the Los Angeles computer programmer and his ER nurse wife Diana, 29, took their problem to the American Civil Liberties Union of Southern California.

He may look alpha but it’s the inside nerd that counts. He must feel so grateful for getting laid. I wonder how many other conditions he had to abide before she consented to marry him?

“Women have fought for so long for equal rights and it feels like this is part of that fight,” said Diana Bijon.

Blah blah fucking blah. Could you imagine being shackled for life to this shrike? Last thing any man wants in a wife is an ideological axe grinder.

“I am really, really proud of him. Not many men would do this,” she said.

That’s true. Not many men would do that. Good thing you married a quisling bitchboy. Prep the divorce papers.

“This disposes of the rule in California that the male surname is the marital name to the same trash bin where dowries were once tossed out,” said Mark Rosenbaum, legal director of the Southern California chapter of the ACLU.

When future generations of dysfunctional feral kids in a post-apocalyptic third-worldicized USA ask why men stopped getting married and the institution fell into utter disrepute you can point them to quotes like this. Something these self-appointed commissars of culture never seem to grasp:

Maxim #27: You have to make marriage an attractive alternative for MEN — not women — if you want the institution to thrive.

Here’s the deal: If your wife truly loves you as the rock solid man you are, and not the beaten down betaboy she imagines she wants, she’ll be happy to take your name because she’ll understand and appreciate how much you sacrifice as a man when getting married. If she’s not on board with the name change, then like a ballcutting canary in the coal mine warning you of danger you can bet you’ll be begging for sex once a month.

In a second interview soon to be published, King Of All Betas had this to say:

– he will pee sitting so that he can identify with the urinary oppression of women.
– his dog will be named “Cat”.
– he will wear pink ribbons and march in every women’s rights parade in the country and donate thousands of dollars to every women’s cause under the sun. Then he will be diagnosed with prostate cancer.
– he will give any future sons girl’s names and his daughters boy’s names. He will force his son to play with Barbies and teach his five year old daughter safe sex.
– he will wear an empathy belly when his wife is pregnant. Shit, he’ll wear it when she’s constipated.
– he will ask permission to cum. He will then say “Are you sure?” each time permission is granted. He will say “Sorry” when he gets a little on the bedsheet. He will beg forgiveness if it hits her in the face.
– his wife likes golden showers. He is the mouth toilet.
– he will apologize for walking in on his wife fucking me.
– I will tell him to shut up and make me a sammich.
– when she inevitably divorces his beta ass he’ll cry so hard that he hyperventilates himself to death.

The only reason this guy isn’t demoted to omega status is because he managed to get married, and to a decently attractive woman. But he’s a great example of how you can’t judge male betaness primarily by looks like you can judge female betaness. If you showed me pictures of two random men and asked me to guess which of the two was the beta and all I knew about them was that one was ugly and the other was a good-looking computer programmer who took his wife’s name in marriage, I’d choose the programmer as the more likely candidate for betaness.

Recap

Don’t get married.
If you do, insist your wife takes your name.
If she refuses, don’t marry her. She failed the litmus test.
Better yet, just don’t get married.

Read Full Post »