This Is Your Life

Common American Man, this is how your life will unfold.  You will start with dreams, big dreams.  You will believe you are ordained for exceptionalism.  You will reluctantly abandon your dreams as the years pass and reality inexorably descends upon you like a choking shroud of grit.  That reality looks like this —

You will get older, uglier, and fatter with each year.  Soon you will notice young women no longer take your flirtations seriously.  Your sloth and social detachment will worsen until people don’t even bother to be polite around you.  You will gradually lower your standards in what you want in a girl until desperation pushes you to marry a dumpy oinker well past her prime.  You will rut with her once a week, then once a month, then holidays only.  You will relieve yourself drearily masturbating in the middle of the night by the cold flickering light of your computer monitor while that bloated seacow who doesn’t give a shit for your desires snores in the bed you can no longer get a good night’s sleep in.  Your one shred of solace will come from knowing your depreciating asset (AKA wife) will have as few options as you do virtually guaranteeing lifelong fidelity.  Eventually you will have a couple of ungrateful snotty kids and your free time and discretionary cash will be completely obliterated.  You will squander whatever morsels of opportunity come your way as you settle into an achingly dull job paying the median wage dutifully punching the clock as a faceless cog in the corporate machine greasing the soul-soaked gears of the global marketplace with your bitter bloody tears.  You will silently mourn your impotent, shriveled manhood as the established order extracts the last penny of tribute from your broken spirit.  You will numb the pain with alcohol, untold hours vegging in front of the TV, and leveling your character in World of Warcraft.  Hours, days, months, years will slip away.  Then, one lonely quiet cloudy day sitting in your well-worn easy chair, you’ll contemplate the arc of your life.  And you’ll feel the gnawing grip of emptiness as the crushing weight of what a barren nothingness your existence proved to be presses down on you.  Barely comprehending, you’ll shudder.  And then, finally, the Grim Reaper will steal your last breath and you will disappear from the world as if you had never been here and when they bury you no one will really notice and no one will really care because in your whole life you never never never, not even once, stepped off the hamster wheel and did anything courageous or interesting or different.

And it will be too late when you realize that the chains clasped to your ankles and wrists were unlocked all along and you were always free to go.

~Fin~ 

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Justice

An alert reader e-mailed me the following news report:

A BRAZILIAN woman has been ordered by the country’s Supreme Court to pay a hefty fine to her husband for failing to mention that he was not the father of two of their children.

The Rio de Janeiro woman, whose identity was not disclosed, was ordered to pay her husband over $US100,000 ($120,170) for having hidden from him for almost two decades that the children in question were fathered by a lover, the court’s offices said yesterday.

The husband also had sought damages from his wife’s lover, the court said.

I am pleased with this decision.  Although twenty years of indentured servitude raising bastard children under a fog of lies should command a much larger fine than $120K, at least this is a step in the right direction toward legal reform.  Cuckoldry is the most underrated crime infesting our supposed advanced Western cultures and only massive, crippling monetary restitution along with jail time and public shaming for the guilty will change behaviors.  Yes, it’s time to bring back the scarlet letter.  The deceitful whore who gets impregnated by a man other than her husband and then schemes to dupe him into unwanted fatherhood should have her tramp stamp replaced with a florid, Olde English crimson ‘A’.  This will practically ensure a lifetime of getting pumped and dumped with no chance for marital relief.

Such a punishment will send a strong message to all fertile-age women:  don’t marry a beta you will likely cheat on.

I dream of the day when the Lifetime channel airs a cloying tearjerker about a saintly guy who is crushed to discover his three beloved children belong to his wife’s art class instructor.  Many close-up shots of his watery eyes and trembling lips will emphasize for effect the made-for-TV message that all women are morally depraved.

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Defining the Alpha Female

In a previous post I discussed a workable definition of identifying alpha males that most non-delusional people would have no problem agreeing with.  Here I will set out what defines the alpha female.  In some ways, the alpha female is a mirror image of her male counterpart.  Where quantity counts heavily toward a man’s rank, quality does so for women.  Where notches boost a man’s score, commitment boosts a woman’s score.

The amount of variables that go into determining a woman’s sexual market value is considerably smaller than it is for men, thus making the determination of the alpha female quite a bit easier.  The reason for this has to do with the inherently imprecise and heterogeneous nature of male power versus the comparatively objective nature of female power.  A boring rich man, a starving artist, and a charismatic rapscallion can all do well with women, so individual measures such as wealth, creativity, and dominance, on their own, fall short as inclusive definitions of alpha male status.  We have had to use indirect evidence of a man’s alphaness — his success with women — to come up with a male ranking system that allows for very few exceptions to the rule.

Women, on the other hand, can be ranked more directly (though not entirely).  Unless she’s got HIV or is missing a vagina, a 9 will in almost all cases be more alpha than a 6, regardless of how many men she dates.  This stems from the fact that men are not as diverse as women in what turns them on in the opposite sex.  Men dig beauty.  A feminine personality and sexual adventurism follow in a distant second and third place.  Smarts takes up the rear in fourth.  Men’s simple attraction programming means that we can rank women by their hotness without worrying about too many exceptions that violate the integrity of our ranking system.

But that is not the whole story.  Besides hotness, there is one other factor that influences female rank — the maximum level of commitment she can extract from her best option.  Her personality, charm, sexiness, character, and nurturing ability will make the difference here.  The best option rule is essential — men who are below her first choice offer unwanted commitment while men who are too far above her are guaranteed to put less effort into the relationship.

So the two variables defining female rank are:
Female hotness (sorry girls, but beauty is 99% NOT in the eye of the beholder).
Maximum level of commitment from the top suitor (this is what really separates the contenders from the pretenders; committing up is trickier than dating up).

Male partner rank is included as a reference point showing what pool of men is normally available to a woman of a particular rank.  This will on average be a little higher than the woman’s rank since women date up.

What is not included —
Number of partners means little to a woman’s rank.  Even a 1 can get fucks dumped in her by a drooling parade of Quasimodos.  Of course, a 10 will have way more males desiring her than the 1, but since men are more willing to occasionally dumpster dive and women don’t lust for variety as much as men do, we will leave that irrelevant variable out of the equation.

Female Rank     Hotness(F)   Male Rank    Max Commitment Level
Warpigs*                0                    0,1          30 seconds through glory hole
Lesser Omega       1,2                  1,2,3        15 minutes, moonless night only,
                                                                  contacts removed, never sober,
                                                                  doggy style with nothing but
                                                                  genitalia touching and a vomit
                                                                  bag nearby
Greater Omega      2,3                2,3,4        one hour with aid of mexican
                                                                  wrestling mask and stick to
                                                                  bite down on
Lesser Beta            3,4               3,4,5       4 weeks and nobody knows
                                                                  except you and your god
Beta                        4,5,6            4,5,6,7     6 months – 5 yrs, no flowers, no
                                                                  poems, no nights out, zero foreplay,
                                                                  she never comes, ultimatum spurs
                                                                  marriage proposal, divorce a messy
                                                                  but welcome denouement,
                                                                  housework is 70/30 favoring the man
Greater Beta          6,7               6,7,8         5 – 10 years, marriage tainted by
                                                                  at least one affair, passion fades
                                                                  after first year, marriage becomes
                                                                  comfortable compromise, chance of
                                                                  divorce slightly beats the odds
Lesser Alpha          7,8               7,8,9        10 – 15 years, she convinces him
                                                                  to marry right away instead of
                                                                  cohabit, first 5 years of marriage are
                                                                  magical time of animal sex and sweet
                                                                  romance, kids are never resented,
                                                                  husband works ass off to support
                                                                  family, super hot mistress
                                                                  precipitates divorce
Alpha                       8,9               8,9,10      10 years of faithful cohabitation,
                                                                  followed by 15 years of progressively
                                                                  unfaithful marriage (hey, hot people
                                                                  are constantly tempted), affairs
                                                                  ignored, sex always good, romantic
                                                                  gestures clever, original, and heart-
                                                                  warming, family portrait painted by
                                                                  norman rockwell descendant
Super Alpha           10                10           foreva eva, a polyamorous eternity,
                                                                  love stays strong (or at least until she
                                                                  hits the wall)

*Water cooler bonus: there are twice as many dregs as warpigs.

Exception argument:
What about the rare female 4 who snags a male 8?  Doesn’t that make her an alpha?

No.  Let’s turn it around to show why.  If a male 4 snags a female 8 his ranking goes up, maybe even as far up as a male 8.  Other women see and hear about him with his hot girl and the phenomenon of female preselection assures that he will now be more attractive to a bigger pool of women.  Not all female 8s will suddenly find him attractive, but enough will that it will make a difference in his alpha ranking.

Conversely, if a female 4 lands a male 8 her sexual status ranking will barely nudge up, if at all.  That is because male preselection does not work.  Other men won’t become more attracted to a female 4 despite seeing her with a much higher status guy.  They will be curious, but their crotches won’t stir.  Her basic package of looks will still dictate the amount of attraction she can generate from men.                     

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Defining the Alpha Male

I knew a guy who was alpha by most people’s definitions — an Army soldier and lawyer by trade, built like granite, he was a fearsome warrior with a taste for fighting who could knock a man out with a punch that landed like a piledriver.  He walked with purpose everywhere and immediately cowed men into deferring to him when in social situations.  He had a taste for cruising his apartment butt naked, company or no company present. He was, according to my traumatized metrosexual roommate, hung like a Clydesdale.  Despite his strong manly presence he misspent his alpha capital picking up a parade of bar skanks and fatties in nightclubs — I never saw him with any girl better than a 5 — and pining for a lost ex-girlfriend (and by pining I mean seeking out the new boyfriend of his ex to deliver a flurry of violent blows.)

I had another friend, a good-looking successful businessman with a sharp wit and effortless charisma, who was always the center of attention in that very alpha way of not trying hard to be the center of attention.  The girls in our social group we used to hang out with all told me how much they wanted to date him.  And yet, in the couple years I knew this guy I don’t think he slept with more than three girls and never had a girlfriend.  Some flaw in his character hobbled him from reaching his full potential.  He eventually married a hot blonde, but for many years in his prime he completely squandered his alpha capital in the only way that really matters.

I mention these guys because they illustrate the confusion that arises when people attempt to categorize alpha and beta males.  These two guys weren’t perfectly alpha on paper — one had a beat up face and a half-empty wallet, the other was emotionally vacant — but they had enough of the important alpha qualities that they could have done a lot better with women than they did.  And yet, to an outside observer who didn’t know about their troubles with women, they would be considered archetypical alpha males.

Many want to believe that getting girls is ancillary to being a true alpha male; that the real measure of an alpha lies in his ability to dominate other men, or his command of his environment, or his thirst for swashbuckling adventure.  While these are admirable alpha traits, they are nothing but a means to an end.  Make no mistake, at the most fundamental level the CRUX of a man’s worth is measured by his desirability to women, whether he chooses to play the game or not.  Pussy is the holy grail.  That is why the obese, socially maladroit nerdboy who manages to unlock the gate to the secret garden and bang a 10 regularly is an alpha male.  And that is also why the rich, charming entrepreneur who because of an emotional deficiency or mental sickness lives mired in parched celibacy is not an alpha male.

Due to this enduring confusion about what makes an alpha, I submit the following system, in the form of a handy chart, to help clear the air.  It hits on the three major factors influencing male rank — how hot are the women he can attract, how strong is that attraction for him, and how many of those women find him attractive.

Keep in mind that there is no line in the sand that separates betas from alphas — the distribution of men by their attractiveness to women follows an uneven continuum where at the extremes a small percentage of alphas monopolize an immense number of quality women and a much larger blob of omegas struggle to rut with warpigs.

Male Rank        Hotness(F)    Strength of Attraction     # of Women
Dregs (lost souls)     N/A          Actively repulsed                Grinding celibacy
Lesser Omega          0,1          Will never feel love;              Dry spells >5 years
can’t keep a girl longer
than 3 days
Greater Omega       1,2,3       She loves houseplant more;  Dry spells 1-5 years
gets dumped for cat
Lesser Beta              3,4          She’s somewhere else          Gets lucky twice;
during sex                               marries hog
Beta                        4,5,6       Romance died after               6 month dry spells;
second date;                  marries dumpy hausfrau
relationships last forever
because no other choice
Greater Beta         6,7          Can do it with lights on;      5-15 lifetime partners
once got a BJ in an alley;
girlfriend cries after he
proposes
Lesser Alpha         7,8         Consecutive long term         15-100 lifetime partners;
relationships >1 year;              2 affairs
enjoys occasional fling;
girlfriend faints after
he proposes
Alpha                     8,9         Concurrent multiple           100-500 lifetime partners;
long term relationships;              10-20 affairs;
love at first sight;                         2 threesomes
videotapes homemade porn;
girlfriend scared to
pressure him into marriage
Super Alpha         9,10       Multiple long and short                     Limitless
term relationships, flings,
and one night stands; orgies;
crazed stalker love; women
willing to do anal at hello;
maintains de facto harem;
never cheated on, never dumped;
hires contraceptive assistant to
make sure his condoms don’t
have holes punched in them

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The Sexual Frame

One of the traits of the beta is that he is uncomfortable with animal sexuality — his own and especially that of the women he craves.  He is loathe to initiate contact, late to respond to flirtatious signals, and leery of acknowledging the raw sexual nature of women.  His unease with himself and with women’s equally ravenous sexual appetites compels him to constantly elevate women onto pedestals and to befriend them platonically before making his intentions known, if ever.  He thinks that expressing his sexual nature too soon or too boldly will diminish them both.  He simply cannot conceive a scenario where a sexy girl will make love to him on the first day they meet.  This straightjacket of limiting beliefs is why he fails.

A way to avoid these emotionally arid pitfalls is to adopt a frame of mind that is infused with sexuality.  Everything begins in the mind.  When I see an attractive girl across the room and start walking toward her I immediately picture her naked and writhing under my sheets, sweating in ecstasy.  When I am talking with her and it is clear that we click, I imagine what it would feel like to touch her bare skin.  I am kissing her before our lips have committed to the kiss.  As we delve deeper into conversation, a part of me visualizes peeling off her clothes and imagining transactions… scenarios… a dirty smutty world of possibilities.

This is how every man should approach his interactions with women he is turned on by — unapologetically, sensually, instinctually.  Civilized norms should hold no sway over your untamed thoughts or the id that fuels them.  They are yours to do with as you please and to set the tone of whatever follows.  The advantage to having this carnal mindset at all times lies in the power it gives you to draw women into your reality.  When a woman is into you she will sense your sexual energy and mirror it.  Your thoughts will become her thoughts.  Your desire hers.  Later after sex when she is lying in your arms and talking about what led to this point you will discover that she knew it was going to happen when you knew.

Lead as a man in making no excuses for your libertine nature, and she will follow.

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Female Rapists

Reading about these horror stories left a bad taste in my mouth:

Patrick Connaro, a 42-year-old robotics engineer living in Colorado Springs, was sitting in the bleachers one warm Saturday afternoon in 2003, watching his son’s Little League game, when the ground opened beneath him.

“My little boy was there, he was up at bat, and I started yelling for him, ‘Go Matthew [not his real name]! Knock it out of the park!’ And another man started screaming for Matthew. Louder than me. I looked over, and I looked at him, and I was like, Who is this guy? And I looked at my son, and I looked at him … and they were identical.”

After the ball game, Connaro ordered a paternity test. The results came back 2 weeks later. “I opened up the letter from Labcorp, and it said, ‘ … 99.9 percent chance you are not the biological father of this child.’ I started crying. My head started spinning.”

Patrick, good provider beta male, dutiful husband, and doting father, was cuckolded by his wife and spent years of his life raising another man’s child.  Would his wife, whom he knew so well and loved so deeply for her outer and inner beauty, ever own up to her monumental lie?

Connaro admits that the possibility had crossed his mind before, given his son’s dissimilar facial features, but each time he questioned his wife about it, she vehemently denied the suggestion. Even when he showed her the test results, she still denied it. “She said, ‘You forged this,’ ” Connaro recalls, shaking his head in amazement.

Ethicists are baffled!

Cuckoldry is, at least from the gene’s point of view, the worst thing that can befall a man outside of getting killed.  We are here on this earth to serve one purpose — the propagation of our genes.  Everything we do is either designed to push us toward that goal or is a byproduct of that purpose.  So when a wife cheats on a husband, bears another man’s child, and then monopolizes the time and resources of her husband toward the raising of that child, she has stolen his reproductive sovereignty just as surely as hers would be stolen if she got pregnant by a male rapist and was forced to raise a child she didn’t want.

She has committed the equivalent of female rape.

While rape is associated with horrible physical trauma which mercifully lasts for minutes on average, cuckoldry embodies the lower-intensity but longer-duration physical trauma of exerting oneself for years to accumulate resources for child rearing.  Psychologically, both are traumatic.  In fact, cuckoldry is actually worse than rape in one noteworthy respect — opportunity cost.  A woman raising a rapist’s child is still propagating her genes, unlike a cuckolded man who propagates nothing for the time he is deceived into raising a bastard child.

Keep in mind that a man’s resources are equivalent to a woman’s body.  Both are the bread and butter of their respective sexes for fulfilling the prime directive of DNA replication.  Rape is universally despised because the violation cuts right to the core of a woman’s essence.  Cuckoldry does the same to a man, so why is it not nearly as universally despised?  Where are the marches and policy discussions and gender studies departments to right the wrongs of cuckoldry?

The answer is simple.  In genetic terms, men are expendable, and this deeply rooted awareness trickles up into the social and political sphere where indifference to male issues rules the day.  If you think the indifference stems from the low incidence of cuckoldry, think again:

And research shows that it’s a lot more common than we might believe.

After recently reviewing 67 studies on the subject, University of Oklahoma researchers found that PD rates tend to be much higher among men who have reason to believe there’s been more than one dog in the yard. No surprise there. But leave out these men and you end up with a number that can safely be assumed to represent the rest of us. That number is 3.85 percent. Another review of 19 studies by a group at Liverpool John Moores University backs this up, putting the figure at 3.7 percent of dads. It may not seem like a lot—until you do the math. According to a 2005 U.S. Census Bureau report, there are 27,940,000 fathers nationwide with a child under 18. That means over a million guys out there are taking care of some other man’s kid.

This number is about 10X higher than the number of forcible rapes committed against females in 2005.

So what are we, as a just and moral nation, doing about this epidemic of reproductive theft?  Well, according to the article, forget about doctors giving their help to the forces of light; they are in on the fix.

The fact is, the overwhelming majority of physicians will not tell a man the truth about PD.

“Most doctors are going to say to themselves, Jeez, I don’t want to cause a problem in this family by disclosing this information that I just stumbled across,” says Alan Meisel, J.D., director of the Center for Bioethics and Health Law at the University of Pittsburgh. “Why create problems if I don’t have to?”

And the law?  Men are being forced to pay child support for children not their own.  As usual, the law is an ass.

My solution to the scourge of cuckoldry is quite simple, which means it will never be implemented.  A marital pre-nup should require all mothers submit to a paternity test upon the birth of any children.  If paternity is verified, pass the cigars.  If not, the man has the legally sanctioned choice to immediately leave his wife with ZERO obligations, financial or otherwise, plus the wife will be required to remit his portion of the investment in her during her pregnancy.  A deal is a deal.

If the law raises the stakes for women intent on committing cuckoldry, there may be some blowback in the form of women opting to forego marriage to a beta provider entirely if she cannot exercise her historical option of getting him to foot the bill for the product of her indiscretion with the bass player.  While this structural change in the mating system may be bad for the health of society as a whole, for the individual unfortunate betas, this side effect at least affords them a chance to improve themselves as men without being saddled with unwanted fatherhood.

Like rape, cuckoldry is the soulkilling dis.  Women who commit these vile acts and then perpetuate them with lies piled atop of lies ought to be shunned — culturally, legally, and financially.  They do not even deserve the courtesy of a kiss while getting pumped and dumped.  If they don’t experience painful consequences for their actions, nothing will change.

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Bald Man’s Lament

A friend, who is a good person despite his penchant for finding humor in the suffering of others, trawled one of those sad-sack internet support groups and forwarded me this plaintive wail from a man(?) who is losing his hair and blaming it for his collapsing marriage.  My friend, for purposes of this blog I shall call him Zeets, thinks this tormented ululating from an anonymous balding man is slap-the-knee funny.

The wife was having sex with the new man while I cried to other people that I wanted my wife back. She was having fun and laughing and having sex with her new man and stuff like that while I was crying and confused and being very very depressed. I had no idea why my wife left me and why she was with another man and I was just wanting the nightmare to end. When someone told me it was my hair I actually got a little angry with him and looked at him like he was nuts. I kind of growled at him so he stopped talking to me. I didn’t want to believe that it was my hair. I didn’t get it even though I had lost a bunch of hair but the new guy had a full head of hair. I simply refused to see the light. I cried and told everyone around me that I was imagining my wife having sex with the new man and I said it was killing me. And I was right, she was having sex with the new man. She would lay under the new man and thrust her pelvis into the pelvis of the new man so she could get the new man’s penis as deep into her vagina as she could make it go. She wanted the new man’s penis as deep inside of her as she could get it to go so she would force it deeper by thrusting her pelvis into his pelvis while she was laying under him. She would do this with her new man in the very bed that I helped to pay for. And while she was doing this I was crying and complaining to everyone that I loved her and wanted her back and saying how I didn’t understand. Then I would go to my studio apartment and lay down in bed and masturbate before going to sleep while my wife was in the bed bought by me, her husband, giving sex to a new man who had a full head of hair. And the worse part of this story is that she will take me to the cleaners and leave me no money to pay for hair replacement surgery.

OK, I admit I laughed.  Well done, Zeets, you have shown once again how to lift one’s spirit at the expense of a tortured soul.  What have we learned from this?

The internet is a rain catch for every flavor of tear shed by man.  If you have a malady or a despair, no matter how peculiar, you will find someone else in the ASCII ether who shares your special brand of misery with whom to bond.  This is good for wallowing, bad for personal growth.

Laughing at the misfortunes of others comes disturbingly easy.

This benighted bald man needs an IV injection of Game, starting with deep deep deeeeeep inner game work.  Visualizing in technicolor brilliance your wife/girlfriend/mom boffing another man is the mental equivalent of plucking out your scrotum pubes one by one… slowly.  He should drown himself in tequila or punch brick walls if that’s what it takes to stop hearing the siren call of self-flagellation.

Make your penis go as far into the vagina as it will go, because it is good.

PS: Congratulations to anon for leaving my 1,000th comment.
anon, if you are a woman, i blow you a kiss.  please… keep your window open so that it may find its way to your lips.
if you are a man, i blow you a manly hug with three (and no more!) pats to the back.  please… keep your window open so that my macho hug may find its way to your open arms.

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