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Archive for the ‘Comment Winners’ Category

There were a lot of quality comments this week, but it was past time to give one of CH’s favorite running gag maestros, GasButtox, the honor and privilege of the COTW trophy. It’s time to give the man his doo…dy.

Feminist(butto)X,

An ambitious lass…
Who wants to have class…
Knows that my ass….
Makes whopping quantums of gas.

It will be your privilege and honor to detox my buttox. You will be using a turmeric essence, to generate a nice golden hue.

What put this particular GasButtox sonnet over the top was the “turmeric essence” quip. For those who don’t know, FeministX, aka little spoon, is of Indian heritage.

If GasButtox and GBFM were in the same room together, their conversation would be very entertaining.

“lzzlolzzlol alpha fux beta bux”
“alpha essence beta buttox”
“lzzlllzzllll more cockas for you”
“milk milk lemonade in front go the cockas out the buttox my gas is made”
“lzzl bernankified wimmins loolll”
“a slut so crass, bernankified to the last, perches behind my ass, to eight ball my salubrious gas.”

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Reservoir Tip slips the thematic quip in his anecdotal blip,

Had a great, short exchange with a German girl I’ve been seeing:

“You know… I’m getting ready to leave town, so maybe I’ll actually take you on anise little date before I go.”

“Out of your apartment?!”

It struck me: every date I’ve been on with this girl has been she coming to my apartment to hang out, or me making her take me to get food or groceries. I’ve never spent a penny on her, or taken her anywhere even remotely interesting.

This is the same girl that told me what she liked about me was the fact that I’m an asshole, and all her ex-boyfriends were lost puppies.

The things you can get away with when you have the right attitude…

So true. When I’ve been on top of my game, full of self-indulgent attitude, the women in my life would demand so little, and give so much. Fancy dinners? No. How about crashing in bed all day, fucking and channel flipping. That’s the shared intimacy which makes fond romantic memories you might tell your grandkids with sufficient euphemistic nuance.

The right attitude is the equivalent of eight figure bank, seven inches extra height, six circles of social connections, five academic credentials, and four plates on bench press. The Attitude is irreplaceable.

***

eofahapi is our runner-up COTW:

I believe that the reason men experience such intense highs and lows, is because for them their emotion is not used as much. They do not talk or live in emotions, they live in logic, so when that emotion boils over, it is raw, uncultivated, childlike and intense. It is extremely endearing.

Women love a stoic man not necessarily for his stoicism, but for the anticipation they feel for his white hot passion when he is roused from his stoic slumber.

***

Finally, a COTW consolation prize goes to PA, for his recounting an experience with a svelte sexpot that would send the typical tenth wave millennial fug feminist into a rage spiral of rape-flecked spittle.

Confession from my early 20s. Hotel party, lots of people and drinking. This dude and I both gun for the same chick. Unfortunately she goes for him. He was a grade-A asshole alpha, so I understand. Later everyone crashes in various beds, floor, etc. Dude, chick, and I share a queen size bed and I get woken up by their fumbles at fucking. He got whiskey dick and they gave up. Now I’m horny and wanna do something.

She seems asleep. So I coyly put my arm on her, pretending its in my sleep. I stop and gauge her response. Nothing. Almost, like she’s pretending to be asleep. I tell myself to go ahead, and I slide my hand up her T-shirt, no bra underneath. And I am ready for her to jump awake angry, in which case I’d say “sorry, I was asleep and probably thought you’re my last girlfriend.”

But she is still. I friggin swear, by her breathing, that she is pretending to be asleep. So I start playing with her breasts, gently at first and then boldly. Horny as hell at this point, I slide my hand down her ribcage, her tight tummy, down to the elastic of her shorts. and she moves her hand to block me, at which point I know she’s awake and then I travel back north.

Female coyness is an evolved behavioral tic to fool men — and. come to think it, fool women as well — about women’s rapacious sexual urges. Of course, a girl can pretend to be asleep to receive the caresses of that slow hand without bearing the emotional dissonance that often accompanies prompt sexual submission to an illicit interloper.

***

Finally? One more! Cutting deep with the poison-tipped shiv, Musashi scans the Vox staff for signs of dormant testosterone, and draws a conclusion which earns him (her?) a consolation runner-up COTW.

If the grid went down everyone in that photo would be dead within 24 hours.
Those people won’t last a day once the diversity gets riled up.

They could use the equity in their blue city fantasyland one-bedroom condos to pay protection money, which might buy a few of them a week’s worth of extra life. Beyond that, there’s no amount of semantic evasion that’ll save them once the diversity hits the fan.

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Porter writes with an acrid wistfulness about the story of Anthony Stokes, the Goodboy™ who recently died in a stolen car he crashed while fleeing from police after an attempted burglary. Stokes had a backstory that makes his case more interesting than the usual Dindu Nuffin shenanigans. Under pressure from SJWs and “civil rights groups” intervening on Stokes’ behalf, the hospital overturned its original decision to deny Stokes a heart transplant, the first decision having been based on his already lengthy history of delinquency. Stokes then got the heart that saved his life… for a couple of years anyway.

There aren’t that many viable hearts to go around (and the ones that are available for transplant are disproportionately from white donators, pathologically altruistic beyond the end), so hospitals have to make tough choices who gets a new heart. The life of Anthony “muhfuggin heart” Stokes likely meant the death of a better person. Porter:

Deserving recipients must die so that SJWs may preen. If the staff of Think Progress were the only ones awaiting organs, I would bury every heart in Anthony Stokes’ casket.

Reminder: This is the fine upstanding citizen saved (for a criminally short stint) by modern medicine:

This is one of the horrible racists who died waiting in the back of the line for a new heart:

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Think Progress knows. They and their ilk sold their black hearts to the devil in exchange for the earthly reward of pompous self-righteousness. Fuck them to hell.

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COTW winner fredmertz reprimands regular troll “james blond” aka thwack for assuming museums will still be around when the whitey race becomes a relic of the past.

No nigga gonna pay fo a.museum, specially one fo da white man! Only exhibit I can see is a statue of a giant EBT card. ”Is it true, daddy? We used to get money for nuthin’?” “Dass true Quantavious…it be over now. White man gone…”

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da GBFM lzzzzlzzl™ slams the terse poetical verse and wins this week’s COTW.

instagram was invented
to capitalize
on the free butts and boobieszizi
women were
programmed
to share with
the world

once upon a time
civilization saw that
a womenz buttz and boobz
were for husband
and that a girlz could not
share her buttz and boobz
with teh worldz
as her father owuld not
let her

dat was long agaoznz

lzozoo

I really like that wistful coda, especially the clever formulation of “ago” which could be confused for “agonies”.

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Some context is needed for this week’s edition of COTW. That venerable company embodying the masculine virtues, Starbucks, recently announced a campaign called “Race Together” (Twit tag: #RaceTogether).

Commenter elmer asked,

Do you patronize the Starbucks in your upscale Bohemian neighborhood? How will you respond to the barista’s entreaties to have a dialogue about race in America?

To which driveallnight, our unanimous COTW winner, replied,

I now request my black coffee be prepared “straight up nigga”

:lol: my sides.

Speaking of Starcucks, it’s time for a….

#HateTogether UPDATE!

Via The Seminary of Christian Sadists:

Very respectable troll. America’s aggregate T level just rose a notch, from sloppy wet vagina to erect vestigial clitpenis.

I’m afraid if the white leftoid elite and their vibrant shock troops insist on humiliating non-elite whites, their call for war will be answered with twice the venom and three times the scorched earth. They asked for it…

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COTW winner is artistoftheslightlyshadydeal, who writes about the devolution of marriage:

“some experts say boundary-challenging gay relationships represent an evolution in marriage — one that might point the way for the survival of the institution.”

To survive as only a plaything of the legal profession.

It will also encourage women to scheme of ways to rework the marriage contract when they feel like to get 50 shades of dick on the side and bail out of their responsibilities in the partnership.

“I married him, but I never agreed to the reverse cowgirl or to be monogamous”

“I married him but I never agreed to wash the stains out of his children’s underwear”

Marriage will evolve all right, into a dicey proposition at best unless you have money to pay for the right contract to protect yourself from evolution or change you do not want.

Pre-nuptial agreements almost become mandatory to record promises made at the beginning. But it’s a band aid on gaping wound. As soon as marriages have porous boundaries then you may as well each just retain lawyers and start a limited liability company.

“50 shades of dick” lol

I’ve used this analogy before, and I’ll use it again, because I think it’s pertinent: A wife getting fat is reneging on her end of the marital deal just as assuredly as a husband lounging on the sofa all the time doing nothing is reneging on his. Both of them have turned their backs on what the other spouse desires from them.

Gay marriage has cracked open the door to the legalistic flim-flam divorce sham machine that much wider. This commenter is correct. Enlarging the purview of marriage to include all sorts of “arrangements” and “agreements” and “evolutions” and “fluid expectations” will essentially turn the institution into a loveless business partnership, and all that requires. May as well jump to the next step and avoid the wait: Contractual, time-limited marriages that can be renewed every few years based on client satisfaction.

******

COTW runner-up is Ras al Ghul, who spells out the final solution for the institution of marriage.

The real social danger, is what they’re [ed: gay marriage advocates] pushing, acceptance of open marriage.

Getting the betas to accept their women sleeping around (because they’re beta they’re not going to have the opportunity the women have).

The problem, and its a very real on is that the only incentive left for beta men to get married is the illusion that they are locking the girl down.

You take that illusion away and what possible reason do they have to get married and work hard?

None. Your married, hard working married slave boys are your revenue generators for your tax base and economy, Dalrock has that delineated out clearly. Single men, single women and married women have a small percentage of individuals that make a high income.

Married men are more likely to make more, work more.

They’ve erode marriage so far, I’m sure they think this won’t matter, but in the places where gay marriage is legalized the marriage rate drops faster for this very reason.

There will always be men that think they’re special snowflakes and that they’re relationship will be different, but that number of fools is already getting smaller.

Social acceptance and legal codification of open marriage will be the killing shiv twist in the black heart of the West. There will be no turning back from that paradigm shift. Hello, Afrimerica.

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