The Great Global Warming Swindle

The fix is in:

A surreal scientific blunder last week raised a huge question mark about the temperature records that underpin the worldwide alarm over global warming. On Monday, Nasa’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies (GISS), which is run by Al Gore’s chief scientific ally, Dr James Hansen, and is one of four bodies responsible for monitoring global temperatures, announced that last month was the hottest October on record.

This was startling. Across the world there were reports of unseasonal snow and plummeting temperatures last month, from the American Great Plains to China, and from the Alps to New Zealand. China’s official news agency reported that Tibet had suffered its “worst snowstorm ever”. In the US, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration registered 63 local snowfall records and 115 lowest-ever temperatures for the month, and ranked it as only the 70th-warmest October in 114 years.

So what explained the anomaly? GISS’s computerised temperature maps seemed to show readings across a large part of Russia had been up to 10 degrees higher than normal. But when expert readers of the two leading warming-sceptic blogs, Watts Up With That and Climate Audit, began detailed analysis of the GISS data they made an astonishing discovery. The reason for the freak figures was that scores of temperature records from Russia and elsewhere were not based on October readings at all. Figures from the previous month had simply been carried over and repeated two months running.

It’s easier to let these kinds of errors slip through the quality assurance process when you are ideologically invested in a specific outcome — namely, human induced catastrophic warming.

A GISS spokesman lamely explained that the reason for the error in the Russian figures was that they were obtained from another body, and that GISS did not have resources to exercise proper quality control over the data it was supplied with. This is an astonishing admission: the figures published by Dr Hansen’s institute are not only one of the four data sets that the UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) relies on to promote its case for global warming, but they are the most widely quoted, since they consistently show higher temperatures than the others.

If there is one scientist more responsible than any other for the alarm over global warming it is Dr Hansen, who set the whole scare in train back in 1988 with his testimony to a US Senate committee chaired by Al Gore. Again and again, Dr Hansen has been to the fore in making extreme claims over the dangers of climate change. (He was recently in the news here for supporting the Greenpeace activists acquitted of criminally damaging a coal-fired power station in Kent, on the grounds that the harm done to the planet by a new power station would far outweigh any damage they had done themselves.)

Yet last week’s latest episode is far from the first time Dr Hansen’s methodology has been called in question. In 2007 he was forced by Mr Watts and Mr McIntyre to revise his published figures for US surface temperatures, to show that the hottest decade of the 20th century was not the 1990s, as he had claimed, but the 1930s.

Cult leader Dr. Hansen should be fired. He is clearly too emotionally wedded to the religion substitute of global warming. Unlike journalists who aren’t held accountable by peer review, scientists live and die by their objectivity. Hansen has discredited himself. Anyone who believes scientists can’t be tainted by bias or corruption has a weak grasp of the constancy of human nature. Science is humanity’s Savior. I don’t want false prophets like Hansen as representatives of our last, best hope.

I predict that in ten or twenty years when the dust has settled and the truth of AGW gets a more reasonable hearing than it has to date, we will look back on this sorry episode as one of the greatest attempted swindles ever foisted by the global elite on the masses. I also predict that all those End Times leftists who embarrassingly swooned in apocalyptic fervor for the clarion call of cataclysmic global warming and ritually embraced it like a Sacramental Rite will pretend as if their lies never happened, and simply move on to their next self-congratulatory save-the-world cause du jour. And the media, of course, being hopelessly lost as a respectable institution of high-minded journalistic integrity, will enable them to evade public humiliation.

I read that the personality trait “openness to experience” correlates strongly with people of a certain political persuasion. It’s a nice personality trait to have. I have some of it myself. But there can be too much of a good thing. Armageddonationist global warming cultists are what happens when people are a little *too* open to new ideas.

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Ex Categories

One of the advantages of having a lot of experience under your belt is the fun you can have amusing yourself by categorizing your exes. And then writing a blog post about it later.

• Fondly remembered

She was a good girl (rare). She treated you well. She loved you right. But maybe she was a point or two below your beauty ideal, so you left her to hunt for hotter quarry, walking away with nothing but warm memories of her. You miss her in that “wistfully smile thinking of her” way, not in that “gotta get back with her and tap that one more time” way. Normally, we refer to these girls as “former lovers” (you broke up on good terms) or “past lovers” (she moved to another country), not “exes”. Her inner beauty is the standard by which you measure every woman you date.

• Indifferent

If she’s in your indifferent category, she should consider herself lucky… you won’t stalk her underneath her bedroom window, masturbating furiously. After a few days have passed post-breakup, you’ll be hard pressed to remember the name of a girl in this category. She was nothing more than a vagina supported by a human organism that you pleasured yourself into.

• Hated Hos

These exes are the ropey tapeworm-infested turds that issued from Satan’s scalding anus. They represented the worst of the modern American woman. Odds are she was a lawyer or PR rep. Your “relationship” with her felt like war, with troops amassed on the field of hate, locked in eternal struggle, gaining or losing inches of emotional territory, a Battle Royale for “hand”. The upside to inspiring your hate is that you learn a valuable lesson from them… namely, how to spot their kind before they “accidentally” leave their earrings at your place. If you post an internet sex vid of an ex, this is the girl you will gleefully dishonor. Consider it proactive karma.

• Regretfully remembered

You don’t hate these exes, but you wish you hadn’t got involved with them. A girl in this category has left you with a bad taste in your mouth and a rash on your junk. She’s the one you found out later had been with triple digit sex partners before she met you, and probably a few more while you were dating. You’ve caught her flirting with the guy at your favorite fast food joint who prepares your falafel platter, and you wondered what the hell else they had going on. She’s a psycho, a stalker, a slut, a drama queen, a catty backstabber, and a utensil-throwing, suicide-threatening, hey-check-out-my-big-black-dildo, stick-her-finger-up-your-asshole-during-sex whirlwind of whorishness all wrapped up in one. She was good to you on paper, but you couldn’t compete with her id — all she could do was think with her clit. This is the girl who made a confirmed cynic out of you. She is the most likely candidate to wind up a pathetic cougar.

• That one sex act

Every guy has flashbacks of intense sexual moments with one or more of their exes. Women remember anniversaries, gifts given and received, the color of your shirt when you first kissed her, but we men mostly remember one thing — that time we had you bent over the back of the sofa with your jeans down around your ankles as we were drilling you from behind and watching the whole thing in a floor length mirror nearby. In fact, a man can measure the strength of his love for an ex and how long it will take him to get over her by the number and clarity of sex acts he remembers. The dirty memory of a truly hot ex will give a guy a boner faster than a mediocre looking girl standing right in front of him.

• The one who got away

Don’t front, tough guy. Every man has that One Girl (or ten girls) Who Got Away, taunting him from the shadows of his past. If you don’t, you haven’t lived. You’ve learned so much from your experience with this one girl, and you’ve become a better man for it, stronger in spirit and resilient in adversity, but… you still wish it hadn’t fallen apart. She is the force of nature against which all future women will compete… and come up short.

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You Are NOT The Father

I was vegging out watching the cultural phenomenon that is Maury Povich’s Who’s The Daddy? specials. I can do this because I delegate all my work to underlings. This particular show was a treat — Maury had on girls who had been on previous Daddy shows and still hadn’t found the real daddy of their kids. One girl had brought two guys with her — numbers 7 and 8 — to see if either of them would pass/fail the paternity test as the father of her cursed child.

Needless to say, except for one glaring exception, the women were beastly. The real dregs of womanhood. One was so hideous the thing looked like a pumpkin placed on top a crumbling mound of feta cheese. The men were thuggish trash, all piercings, sloping brows, and vacant stares. The audience booed and cheered on cue. This is the modern version of the Roman Coliseum, with the physical bloodletting replaced by emotional bloodletting.

The girl who was currently testing numbers seven and eight for paternity of her future ward of the state had noticeably different reactions to the two guys on stage for the latest round. One guy barely muttered a word and looked like an alpha gangbanger. His eyes were beady and his face round. The other guy looked smarter, if smarts can be deduced by looking at a person. He was taller and better looking than the other guy, but not nearly as tough. Compared to the average Linux fanboy, he was an alpha, but next to the musclehead on his right, he was comparatively beta. He expressed some enthusiasm for assuming responsibility for the kid should he be proven to be the father. The alpha thug just shrugged his shoulder and smirked when asked what he would do if the kid turned out to be his.

Alpha was not the father. He jumped up and pumped his fist. A couple buddies greeted him on stage and they all chest bumped. Tongues were wagging. The girl didn’t seem too moved. When the next DNA test result was opened and the relatively beta good-hearted guy was declared free from 18 years of financial servitude, the girl totally lost it and ran screaming from the room.

It might’ve been staged, but if their reactions were close to the real deal, then it was obvious that women have a real fear… and a real need… for beta providers to help them raise their bastard children. When a child is sitting there in a stroller, this need is as encoded as the need to get fucked hard by a badass alpha.

I do not want to ever pay one red cent for any of these kids with my tax dollars. If they all die in the street it wouldn’t bother me one bit. I support exposure at birth.

I was rooting for the beta. In the flood of emotions, he may not have realized it at the time, but he dodged a bullet.

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How Close Were We To A Meltdown?

According to insider masters of the universe economists, pretty fucking close:

What would be the dollar cost of not bailing out Wall Street? Try a number north of $30 trillion. (The awful math is detailed below.) That’s why Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke were so scared last week. And, yes, I think “scared” isn’t too strong a word. You don’t think they convened an emergency nighttime meeting of congressional leaders and then walked out with something close to a blank check for a trillion bucks because they thought we were headed for an outright recession, even a fairly nasty one?

Nope, I think they believed, and got Congress to believe, that the economy was on the verge of something far worse than the worst downturn in a generation. And that is why they went with the so-called nuclear option: the biggest financial bailout in history. In the words of JPMorgan Chase economist James Glassman, “Thankfully, we and our friends around the world who are watching the economic lights come on will never know where events would have led, if the clock had not stopped [last] Thursday afternoon…. Last week’s events made the 1987 stock market crash look like child’s play.”

It’s looking more and more like we dodged an ICBM… for now.

The author argues that there were non-governmental pro-market solutions to the growing problem, but that the time to enact those solutions was last year, before the system reached critical mass:

But what would have been a smart, free-market plan in August 2007 or March of this year isn’t enough for right now. Just as government created the environment for the credit crisis, it failed to enact quick solutions. The situation has gone critical. It’s time for shock and awe.

And who is to blame for this clusterfuck? Many interwoven factors, but some really stand out as primary causes.

We intend to keep his money in an S&P 500 index fund, money markets, commodities, and foreign currencies. He plans to gamble a small percentage on short selling multinationals which operate in demographically shifting countries.

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Priests Are Either Betas Or Closeted Gays

Following on the heels of the pedophilic priest scandals of a few years ago, it was obvious to me that most of those accused were closeted gays who used the cover of the celibate priesthood to hide from their gayness and to prey on underage altar boys on the cusp of manhood. Gay men are as drawn to youth and beauty as straight men are (men are visually oriented no matter what sex they are attracted to) and in all the noise at the time about the Catholic Church’s refusal to allow priests to marry what was lost was that most of the perpetrators targeted boys. In poker, that would be known as a major tell.

Well, now we have news that middle-aged men are turning to the priesthood in droves. And reading between the lines, it’s easy to see these guys are betas who lost in the race to find a woman for themselves:

The Rev. Michael Bies heard the same call, but before he did, he worked 20 years as a machinist in his native Chicago and even considered marriage. Ordained about four years ago, Bies, 52, is associate pastor of St. Mary’s Church in Pontiac.

Take a look at his photo in the accomanying link for verification of his beta status. Lesser betas who aren’t gay and who have gone their whole lives without succeeding at the only game that matters — getting a woman — probably find the priesthood a more attractive alternative than do normal men who enjoy the delights of pussy on the regular. If the choice is between delivering sermons to a captive audience or riding out the rest of your miserable days in lonely grinding celibacy until you die stuck to the couch with a bowl of cheetos in your lap and the flicker of porn on your computer monitor, I’d imagine the calling would be very strong indeed.

Naturally, most refuse to see the ugly truth and turn instead to more pleasing rationales for the increase in middle-aged priests:

Paul Sullins, a professor at the Catholic University of America, said the average age at ordination has risen by 10 to 15 years since the 1970s — part of a national trend toward increased education and later-life commitments.

“An increasing proportion of priests today are entering their second or third careers,” said Sullins, adding the trend may help relieve the shortage of priests in the U.S.

It’s no wonder the average age of ordination has risen 15 years since the 1970s — that’s when the sexual revolution took off. With later marriage and more years playing the field, men who got the short end of the genetic stick could delude themselves into an extra decade of hoping that a woman will come their way.

Monsignor Paul Showalter, vicar general of the Peoria Diocese, agreed. Showalter said, in general, the trend toward older priests is beneficial.

It all comes down to “when they get the calling,” he said.

“The Calling”: When you reach the age that your sex drive has plummeted and your chances with women have sufficiently dried up that enforced celibacy isn’t a sacrifice.

Knowing that “God is using you to bring solace and peace,” helps him cope, he said.

Translation: Knowing that the priesthood is a socially acceptable outlet for hopeless betatude helps him cope.

The celibacy requirement is actually a gift, said Bies, because it “frees you up to see all people as part of your family.”

Translation: The celibacy requirement lets him avoid reckoning the painful ugly reality of his loser loveless life. Part of his family will now include blossoming young teenage girls sitting in his pews taunting him every Sunday with their ripe bodies SO CLOSE yet SO UNAVAILABLE.

The divine irony of it all is that the social status — the “podium effect” — of delivering sermons to a large attentive audience will make these lesser beta priests more attractive to more women… and completely off-limits by the draconian celibacy rule. If he attempts to act on his higher status by banging one of his Sunday best groupies, he will have risked losing the source of power that gave him more leverage in the sexual market. What a conundrum!

I don’t think I would last in the priesthood longer than the time it took me to lure a God-fearing babe into my rectory — one week, tops.

I believe priests should be allowed to marry. That would at least solve the problem of the priesthood turning into a closeted gay ghetto. And it would encourage more well-adjusted straight guys to spread the word of god, because a man spreading his wife’s legs every night understands what it’s like to be filled with God’s love.

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How Not To Win The War On Terror

Tens of thousands of Iraqis could come to U.S. in ’09.

The United States expects to admit a minimum of 17,000 Iraqi refugees in fiscal 2009, which begins October 1, the department’s senior coordinator for refugees said. Thousands more Iraqis and their family members could arrive via a special visa program for people who worked for the United States or its contractors.

I’m absolutely POSITIVE none of these war-torn, culturally alien refugees will be nursing a grudge against us. I hope we assume full control of Iraq’s oil wells in return for our generosity. If you’re going to be accused of imperialism, may as well enjoy the benefits of imperialism.

“I think you’ll see the U.S. government admitting over the course of fiscal 2009 tens of thousands of Iraqis into the United States,” coordinator James Foley told reporters.

I had a Welsh roommate — a very smart guy who was an astrophysicist and enjoyed red wine and jazz — who wanted to work fulltime for NASA once his contract was up, but the obstacles presented by our formal immigration laws were too restrictive, and so he had no choice but to move back to Europe. He’d have made an excellent and productive American citizen. Little did he know an invasion of Wales would have substantially smoothed his citizenship process!

It’s not often one gets to say he was witness to his country’s dissolution.

But it is still lower than the number some other countries have taken. Sweden, a country of 9 million people, has admitted over 40,000 Iraqis since 2003.

This is what happens to a country when its native men relinquish their masculinity. What are the odds on Sweden existing as it is currently constituted in 50 years?

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Levi Johnston: Blockhead

I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall when the Palin family confronted Levi (pronounced like Levi Genes, or “When the Levee Condom Breaks”?) about his knocking up their young but sexually ripe daughter. Did Todd Palin threaten to have him ostracized from their Alaskan town, thereby dimming his job prospects there, if he didn’t act like he was ready to marry Bristol? Or even better did he stick a shotgun in his face? Did Sarah have dirt on the kid that could get him in trouble with the law? Did Bristol entice him with daily blowjobs if he promised to be her “steady”?

Or was Bristol the one dragging her feet? Rumor has it Sarah tried to coerce persuade Bristol to marry Levi once the pregnancy became known, but the girl would have none of it.

And was the A-word mentioned at all? When Bristol found out did she even contemplate getting an abortion? “Mama don’t preach, I’m in trouble deep… I’m ‘bortin’ my baaaabyyyy… yeah…” Did Sarah go all mommie dearest on her? “What did I say about abortion!? NO… WIRE… HANGERS!!!” Or did she read her a Bible quote followed by a tearful group family hug and that was that?

This guy Levi seems like a real stupido. I guess when your life is drinking, playing hockey, fucking shit up, and tagging famous ass, you don’t have mental room to remember to put on a condom. On the other hand, he may have assumed that a girl like Bristol, daughter of the governor, would never allow a pregnancy to go to full term. Big mistake. He should have vetted Sarah better before raw dogging Bristol.

I can tell you that at 18 if I accidentally impregnated some chick with the anti-christ I would first gently and compassionately ask her to get an abortion. If she refused, I would ask again, this time dropping the gentleness and compassion. Then I would remind her of the horrors that await single motherhood and the poor life prospects of her fatherless child, being sure to drive home in exquisite detail what jail life will be like for our son and how many loads of jizz our stripper daughter would swallow. If she still didn’t comply, I would transfer my assets to overseas banks and hightail it out of the country.

Man, if McCain/Palin win the election, the next four years will be very entertaining. The country’s already finished; may as well go out with a flourish.

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