Archive for the ‘Funny/Lolblogs’ Category

Recall the Comedic Theory of History.

What was once absurdist humor is now reality (Rachel Dolezal). So if you want to know what’s next served on the dinner plate of America’s decline, listen for themes in the repertoires of current comedians. (Remember Seinfeld’s “You must wear the AIDS ribbon!” gay fascism episode? Yeah, that came true, too.)

I wonder how much longer the predictive power of the Comedic Theory of History will last? If comedians are cowed by shrieking SJW mobs into becoming more PC and less incisive, their comedy will stop being the canary in the coalmine, (and stop being funny, as they come to sound more like the droning indoctrination of government apparatchiks).

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Reader John Bonaccorsi has either perfected the art of the parody troll or channeled a spirit of sincere mewling manlettery so ripe for mockery that it comes to us inscribed on a giant purple strap-on.

Just saw your April 8 post entitled “The Essence Of Game Condensed To A Three Second Video.” Comments are closed there, so I’m posting the following here:

Are you f—ing insane, Chateau Heartiste? Your list of recommended game-techniques now includes battery with the potential of serious neck injury? I’m old enough to remember the all-white schoolyards of the late 1950s and the 1960s; I recall clearly the sociopathic white boys who were given to actions like yanking girls’ ponytails. Any male white who’s still engaging in that sort of thing in adulthood is long overdue to be castrated, I don’t care what effect it has on any brainless white woman.

I’ve pulled a few ponytails in my young lad’s life. Little did I know the sociopathic nature of the heinous act of violence I was perpetrating on the empowered community, and how I should have been locked up with the key thrown away and my pubertal balls sent to the chopping block.

John, for your sake, I hope you are joking. Otherwise you may as well shave yourself down to a shiny infant sheen, tuck your impudent junk, and become Lena Dunham’s eunuch ass wiper. Prepare to work up a sweat.

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Lifted from a 4chan board (author unknown), a letter from a dystopian future (via):

Living in EU-mandated Tolerance Zone #2931
Wake up late for work at vegan food packaging plant
Get dressed in a rush and leave as quickly as possible
Forget to take my mandatory estrogen suppository and injection
Come up at a Privilege Checkpoint after I leave the subway
As I pass the scanner sirens start blaring
Everyone around me runs away screaming, some otherkin genderfluids near me writhe on the ground in pain at the oppression field I emit
Guards in full biohazard gear beat me and drag me away
Get a bag put over my head and thrown into the back of a vehicle of some sort
After 11 hours of torture with giant phalluses all of my limbs are sore and I am sentenced to 7 trillion years in a CIS Containment Facility
I arrive at my CIS-containment facility after 3 hours riding the CIS transporation vehicle which has no seats other than giant phalluses
Immediately my oppression-causing male genitals are surgically removed
As CIS-priveleged male I spend 12 hours a day being treated via correctional anal-phallic insertional therapy via trans-genderal tesla phalluses
Get taught to aspire to be like the great and noble Swedes who ascended to a higher plane of consciousness.

It’s funny ’cause it’s quickly becoming true.

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They Live

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Via F_McGillicudy, who rightfully earns this week’s SOTW.

In case you were wondering about the absurd backstory.

Dolezal sounds like an anti-anxiety med. Fitting.

Mockery will destroy leftoid equalism. Joyous, unbridled, exuberant mockery. Unleash the Cracking.

Comedy Hour isn’t over yet:

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This comparison was too juicy to pass up. The symbolism works on so many levels. LITERAL GELDED NATION.

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Besides a wispy thatch of blonde pubes cresting a slow wave of inflamed pink, this might be the most beautiful thing I’ve seen all week.

Early this morning, an anonymous person or persons put up posters around Columbia University—in the 116th Street subway station, outside of Tom’s Restaurant, on stoplights and construction walls—emblazoned with the image of student Emma Sulkowicz and her now-iconic mattress. Since September 2014, Sulkowicz has been dragging the mattress around campus as a protest against the school’s handling of her rape allegations against another student. (That student, Paul Nungesser, has since sued the university.) This morning’s posters accuse Sulkowicz of making it all up, dismissing her as “Pretty Little Liar” with the caption “Emma Sulkowitz” [sic] and “RapeHoax.”

A new Twitter account, @FakeRape, has been tweeting pictures of the posters for the last five hours. Another poster, picturing Lena Dunham sticking her tongue out, is clearly part of the series, emblazoned “Big Fat Liar,” with the same #RapeHoax hashtag.

A graduating army of Chateau Heartiste shock troops likes the feel of their heavy scrota, and the joy of placing their stones on the chins of malicious feminist cuntrags. For this reason, the Columbia University anonymous Realtalker™ earns this edition of Shiv of the Week.

Shame, mortify, and ostracize feminists until they slither away to their dank bedrooms in solidarity with their bruised egos, or they self-deliver in the gloom of their despair. Cantankerous and cancerous feminist attention whores fear nothing more than total social expulsion. When the tide finally turns, and it will, even their closest sistren will betray them for the mercy of the cool mean girls.

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