Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Funny/Lolblogs’ Category

The Wee Heartiste

From an emailer,

ok. so i’m hanging out with my 4 year old son and my girlfriend – a blonde, 5’9″ smokeshow. my kid’s riding lookout on my shoulders as we make our way through an idle, sun-soaked afternoon. after a natural ebb in the conversation, my woman looks up at my boy and says, “so, if you had to choose between being a fish or a bird for the rest of your life, which would it be?”

silence, for the length of a drawn breath.

then, my son: “i’d like to kiss YOU for the rest of my life.”

i may never stop smiling.

Haha. Non Sequitur Game meets Apocalypse Game. The boy’s technique is a little rough around the edges, but he’s got the right mindset that will guarantee him a bright future in the poon procurement business. He’s only four years old, so there’s plenty of time for honing his seduction skill. To the boy’s credit, the inner alpha attitude is more important to achieve than the Game techniques which advertise it, and the earlier in life it’s achieved, the better for the growing boy’s romantic prospects. It’s usually a tougher path to go from Technique –> Attitude (essentially, fake it till you make it) than it is to go from Attitude –> Technique (mine it then refine it).

Related, I’ve noticed fathers glow with pride when recounting or observing their sons’ romantic exploits. Nothing makes papas proud quite as much as watching their sons charm the ladies. Only a son’s victory in sport or accomplishment in business or academia have a similar ego swelling effect on fathers, and for the same reason: success in those things translates to success in the one thing that matters most in the final analysis — winning the love of hsmv women. Our emailer’s 4-yr-old budding Casanova is revealing, for now unwittingly, the glories of his future reproductive fitness.

Read Full Post »

A word about White shitlib virtue signaling.

You won’t rationally convince the White shitlib to abandon it. As williamk deftly noted, shitlibs live and die by their status; to surrender their anti-racism (really, anti-Whiteism) is tantamount to a billionaire surrendering all his money plus his company. It’s just not done without coercion.

The White shitlib is a member in disfigured standing of The Fuggernaut. Most White shitlibs are, if male, androgynous soyslops or, if female, manjawed skanks. They will rarely win hierarchical contests of physicality, health, attractiveness, robustness, sexual dimorphism, or general aesthetic goodness. Where they excel is in the domains of credentialism and sanctimony, two endeavors they take up with a determined gusto that would be the envy of any captain of industry.

And so it is that the accessible strategic ploy to defeat White shitlibs is through a shiv straight to their black, envious, insecure hearts: mockery. Unremitting, gleeful mockery that reveals their virtue sniveling for what it is: fake phony fraudulent posturing for pussyhat points among fellow degenerates.

To wit: Rent-A-Minority. This is imo the greatest troll site ever created.

Diversity On-Demand

Rent-A-Minority is a revolutionary new service designed for those oh-shit moments where you’ve realized your award show, corporate brochure, conference panel is entirely composed of white men. For, like, the fifth year in a row. Suddenly you’re being called out on Twitter and you need to look not-racist and not-misogynist fast. Actually doing something meaningful to disrupt institutional inequality would be way too much work; so why not just Rent-A-Minority instead?

We have a minority for every occasion. Whether it’s a tech conference panel, an awards show, an advert, or a business meeting, we will collaborate to find the right minority for you. All of our minorities have been vetted to ensure they are not “too black” or “too Muslim” or “too much of a Feminist.” We know how awkward that can be. Each minority comes with bespoke pricing based on a proprietary algorithm that analyzes current states of supply/demand and the Degree of Diversity (TM) intrinsic to the potential hire.

I’m pissing myself here! The website continues with a list of “Featured Minorities” that includes “Smiling Muslim Woman” and “Intellectual Black Guy”.

The genius of this troll is that it places White shitlib anti-racism phoniness FRONT AND CENTER in their own heads and in the public eye. It completes two objectives: it puts pressure on White shitlibs to deny the Rent-A-Minority message (“you won’t use their service? what, do you hate minority representation”) and it exposes the real reason for their virtue signaling: to look respectable to other White shitlibs.

PS There is a remote chance, given that we have descended into the rectum of Clown World, that this website is sincerely offering its services to benighted White men.

***

Dick Jones comments,

Exactly – this is not a shiv against libs, or a troll site, as CH originally wrote.

The author – Arwa Mahdawi – is a stereotypical lib, and a proponent of “true woke diversity.”

On her FAQ page, she asks, with a straight face, “SO HOW DO WE ACTUALLY CHANGE INSTITUTIONAL INEQUALITY?”

Her proposed solutions are textbook examples of LIBERALISM IS A MENTAL DISEASE.

http://rentaminority.com/hire-us/

So we’ve reached the point of social degeneration where shitlib earnestness is indistinguishable from mockery and trolling by their enemies on the right. Sounds about right. The modren shitlib, swarth or unhued, is a walking self-own.

Read Full Post »

***

From PBR Streetgang,

Tune In, Turn On, Drop Out – has become
Tune Out, Turn Off, Work Out … Suppose every generation has its slogans, how you say – memes … It feels good to stick it to the man.

***

From commenter war-damned,

the seven beta sins:

greed: anti-family careerism
wrath: school shooting
lust: dumpster-diving
sloth: low-T
pride: virtue signalling
gluttony: carbs
envy: PUA hate

This “seven deadly [X] sins” meme has legs, I can tell.

Read Full Post »

This is NOT a parody comic strip lampooning SWPL shitlib sensibilities and their lifestyle pretensions.

“The Future is Female”. From the old oven, indeed. Heh.

It gets worse. The heroine is a fat, tatted, mudsharking cow.

My sides! So we’ve got two mystery meatballs playing in the grass, a dyke in a vest jacket, and a slovenly fat white woman with her black boyfriend who, btw, is wearing a Local Food t-shirt. There isn’t a single dindu in the world who gives a flying fuck about eating locally.

LOL Schlomobomb.

Again, not a parody. Astounding. One has to wonder about the physiognomy of the cartoonist — Marc Alan Fishman — who drew this multikult jizzart with sincere intentions.

The work is the product of an ad campaign by the town council of Homewood, IL, a suburb of 20,000 outside of Chicago. The goal is to pull effete Shrillennials away from Chicago by presenting their town as an affordable, less hectic “urban lite” enclave with its delightfully comforting trappings familiar to rootless cosmopolitan White liberals: the mixed race couples, the feminist posturing, the edgedork t-shirt slogans, the avocados, and of course the low T White soyboys prostrating themselves to their Masters of Diversity.

But the whole thing comes off less like a promo for an idyllic suburb with a decent walkability score than like a creepy caricature of shitlibville at the highest estrogen setting. I want to wash the menstrual blood off my eyeballs after reading this “comic”.

In one strip, a Homewood mom with a purple streak in her hair and a tattoo praises the school system. “Zen gets to be with the same kids all the way through high school,” she says.

Many urban hive bugmen and bugwomen feel an ancient stirring for less social atomization and more connectedness in line with how we humans evolved for most of our history, but the feeling is horribly atrophied in them, so they have to grapple with it through an infantilizing lens of abject POZ, because they frighten easily by the thought of a de facto patriarchal normietown where everybody knows your shame. Compromising solution: POZburbia for the burned out city creature.

The ads, which will run through the end of May, were the idea of Mary Jane Maharry [ed: echo alert], a public relations consultant to the town. Maharry enlisted Fishman, the local artist, and presented the concept to the village board, whose members embraced it, according to Homewood Mayor Richard Hofeld.

Try to picture the roomful of pasty herbs and jaw-jutting femcunts who signed off on this concept. Yeech.

Hofeld said the town wants more young families to move there, and as urban Millennials start to think about homeownership and child-rearing, it’s the right time to recruit them. “We found the Millennials [in Chicago] are prone to looking to the north suburbs and the west suburbs, and rarely look to the south,” Hofeld said.

Forget it, Zen. It’s N*****town.

Who’s the sucker for moving to the suburbs now, eh?, the ads seem to ask. But the characters are more or less interchangeable; the implication is that if they move to Homewood, those tightly wound Chicagoans will chill out and name their kids “Zen,” too.

While they might seem suspiciously like they were generated by an algorithm fed with marketing data and New York Times trend pieces,

And run through a soy compiler.

the comic-strip Homewood denizens are based on real residents and real events, according to Maharry (who lives in Homewood herself).

Maybe this is why Homewood needs a public relations consultant. (so very organic)

In fact, “Think Homewood” reveals just how much the old dichotomy of city vs. suburb is blurring.

It’s blurring because the cities are becoming Whiter (and thus more desirable) while the suburbs are becoming browner (and thus less desirable to high income Whites). There are huge tracts of suburbia throughout regions of the USA where the schools look like Little Mexico. Plus, blacks are being economically forced out of the cities they once held as a super majority, and flooding into the surrounding exurbs (with all the blackness that defines ghetto life transported in toto to the burbs).

It proves a fact that would have been unthinkable 20 or 30 years ago: Suburbs now have to work to attract the cohort they were built for.

Right, suburbs ringing the big shitlibopolises are rapidly embrowning, so they aren’t as attractive to Whites living in cities that are more pleasant places to live now than they used to be before their Paris-ification. This is why diverse suburbs like Homewood have to hire PR firms to sell their towns to Whites who have grown tired of talking to the cat.

As certain cities become more sought-after and lively, suburbs can no longer just sit back and wait for the inevitable stampede of first-time homebuyers and new parents. They have to convince skeptical young folk of their essential urbanity first.

To a juvenile mind, “essential urbanity” means a pussyhat and feigning adoration of mixed meatballs.

They also have to offer a competitive advantage vis-a-vis the city. In Homewood, that advantage is affordable real estate and good public schools. The median home value in Homewood is a reasonable $149,800, according to Zillow. The area high school, Homewood-Flossmoor, is well regarded.

“Well regarded” is real estate-speak for “no metal detectors in the separated White part of the school“.

In the view of sociologist John Joe Schlichtman, Homewood is basically promising gentrification without the guilt.

This is exactly it. The suburbs of these big cities are trying to replicate the cities’ success at convincing Whites to return en masse.

The multiracial cast of these ads is not a sleight of hand. Homewood is legitimately diverse: 53 percent white, 37 percent black, 2 percent Asian, and 8 percent Hispanic. Its schools are majority nonwhite. These figures reflect larger demographic shifts as people of color move out (or are pushed out) of expensive cities, and as immigrants bypass central cities and head straight to the ’burbs.

Open borders mass third world immigrations has been a disaster for suburbia. The landscape is now dotted with tiny ramshackle homes housing three generations of aztec peasantry.

But Homewood-Flossmoor also has a history of proactive integration efforts: The South Suburban Housing Center, a regional fair-housing organization, was founded in Homewood in 1975.

A history that will never end. Hint: the best kind of integration is the integration that doesn’t require proactive efforts to summon forth. It happens naturally, because the people are racially, temperamentally, behaviorally, and culturally similar.

[Mayor Hofeld] hopes people who are interested in the town will attend one. Millennials, he said, “have enjoyed living in the city, and the features the city might afford. But they’re getting a little bit older, thinking of raising families, and looking around for a stable community that has a lot of amenities. And that’s what we are.”

If the schools are good (White) and the residents genuinely feel an affinity for each other, then the amenities will organically follow. But amenities are a symptom, not a cause, of a strong social community. All the amenities in the world won’t turn southside Chicago into a Pleasantville.

I can laugh at the effort while appreciating the intention. De-urbanization (aka de-scaling) is generally a good thing, so in principle I support any efforts to get White libs to disperse for the countryside so that their liberalism is muted by a closer connection to the land, to kids, and to normal Americans. But some efforts are more retarded than others, and this one is super retarded. Not many Whites of the replacement fertility level persuasion want to live in a town that feels it necessary to have a PR flack and thinks purple-haired fat coalburning goonettes are a selling point. And they won’t live in a town without some serious compensation if the schools are *wink wink* “well regarded”.

Read Full Post »

da GBFM needs no introduction, but does need a Pulzlolzllolzzlitzer. Reprinted in full:

******

TO EE HOW WELL ALL OF YOU BEETATTZ BUNGHOELRZ HAVE BEEN STSUDYDYTING lzozlzozlzlzz

lzozozlzozo da gbfm quiz:

1. The best way to bernankify a woman is through her:
a) nose hole
b) ear hole
c) mouth hole
d) butthozlzoozlz
e) gina hoelez
f) zlzozozlzolzozozoz

2. Tukker MAx rhryems with
a) Goldman sax
b) ben bernanke
c) sosdoomy
d) feminisst writer
e) sextrrive tapingz of buttehtx

3. The proper spellinzg of butthext is:
a) buttheext
b) butetehtxtxtx
c) butetehxtxtxt
d) buetetxlxoooozozoz
e) butetehrolozozozozozoz

4. The neoeocnths promote butyhe buttehxt so as to
a) desoul your womenz
b) beernakify your owmenz and ruin them as motehrz
c) pwn your owmenz and addict them to buttehxt
d) plant the butthextual longing seed that leads to divorce
e) detsory the fmaily to put your chcildren in beernaneke day care
f) all of da above zlzozooozlzoz

5. The following neoenthcts faought and were injured in the Middle East warz:
a) Jonah Goldbergz
b) BEn BErnnanke
c) Bill Crrystal
d) Jonah Goelebrgz mom lucianne goldbergz
e) bene shapriorz
d) none of teh abaovez lzozozozozoozoz

6. Sigmund Freud stated that the one question that puzzled him most was “What do women want?” The famous polymath poet/psychologist GBFM figured it out circa 2011. According to the great GBFM, women want:
a) beta fucks and alpha buckz
b) beta bucks and betasz fucks
c) alpha fucks and alpha fucks
d) alpha fucks and beta bucks
e) alpha fucks, alpha buckz, beta bucks, an all your moneyz too zlozlzlzozoz

7. The best way to gt a publishing deal with a publishing house run by women, or to be featured in a consertaive magazine article penned by women is to:
a) write exlated rhyming poetry
b) butthext a girl and tape it secrtely without her ocnctnt conthent
c) write a story with plot, values, and honor, like homer’s odyssey
d) write a shakeparean sonnet with imanbic pentaammeneterz and a couplet dat ryems at da end lzozlzlzozozoz

8. The difference between modern ministers and pimps is dat
a) pimps will not charge you for past use of a pussy
b) pimps are not fronting a divorce regime which transferz money from menz to owmenz and the state at gunpoint
c) a pimp cannot garnish your wagesz if yo ho beocme preggeersenenlzlzlzlzo
d) a pimp does not ask for donationz
e) a pimp doesn’t claim he’s doing god’s work by grating you temporal use of a pussy in esxhange for past, present, and future wages
f) all of da aboveez zlozlozlzlzozozoz

10. If a womanz is a 3 and 7 alphas pump and dump her in collegez, she will do the math and conldue she is a
a) 3-7 = -4
b) 7-3 = 4
c) 7+3=10 I AM A TEN ZLZOZOZOZO!!!!!!

11. BOUNS BONUS BOENERUS QUETSION EXTRASZ CREDITZ: Chivalry is good because:
a) It gets betas to pay for what alpahs got for free hwen it was younger hotter tighter twnety pounds lighter
b) It guarantees that there will be men with assetetzzz that can be rapaed via dirrvoece
c) granpda said so, “when i was your age son,” i was married and supporting a family. man up and marry da whos!!! lzozloz”

12. The chronalogical chroniloogical chronological economic relationshpipz between ass and assets is:
a) da bankerz get your wife’s ass in college (as thy sefctrievly tape her doeusling in a buttehxtual buttehxting sessisin like tuukker max rheyems woith godlman saxxx) and your assets after divorce
b) your wife givez her azz butthoele away for free in college, and then chagegegrs you moneyz (assetts) just to look at it
c) your wife is butthurt after her ass is plundered in college and den she takes her revenge by plundering your assettsst
d) da bankerz deosul your wife in college by bebenrnakaifying her in her buttholez ass, and den dey program her to transfer your assets to them, fgruataleyfliey transferring your assets out theorugh her bngohole and into their beenrbeeknake bank acocuntz zlzozozozoz
e) all of da above zlozzolzozoz

FEEL FREE TO ADD YOUR OWN QUESTSIOZNZZZZZ!!!! lzozozozoozoz

ESSAY QUESTION: Describe thee relationship between usury and sodomy. Those who cite Milton, Dante, and other historical sources and figures will be given higher scorezz zlzozolzlozlzozlzzozozozozlz

lzozozozolzolz bonus nboenerz wuqestsionz:
#11. I like dating aemrican womenz and western womenz beacues:
a) i like paying for what otherz got for fre when it was younger hotter tghtr twnety poundz lighterz lzozooz
b) i like paying for rental carsz after i return them
c) i like urinalz dat make me pay and make small talk each time i pee
d) i like suiting up in a hazmat suit, self-contained breathing apparatus, snorkel, fins, and thre cans of lysol when i go down on pusysysysys zlzozozlzo
e) i like hearing about how men created all the evil in the world including shoppng malls, cars, ipodz iphonez twitter (clitter/twatter) and even cinabun zlzozozolzozzl

******

In a sane world, GBFM would be hailed a visionary poet on NPR while Ta Nigisi Coates would be doing dreary slam rap on the gay black bar circuit.

Read Full Post »

I don’t know who or which group was responsible for the above dissident skylarking, but it’s a beautiful thing to behold. If it were a shiv, it would be serrated and dipped in tree pepe poison. We need more of this, and fast. Increase the voltage!

The following is from the incomparable SABO, and is one of his bast street artworks yet:

Shitlibs are put on notice by this heretical street art. In this war, it’s strategically smart to let shitlibs know they don’t own the public square, especially the public squares of the big blue coastal megacities that have become their adopted hive home. We want them in fear every minute of their fappuccinoed soylives that the person standing next to them at the movie theater wine bar or sharing an uber pool ride with them could be an apostate, a VERY BAD FREETHINKER, and why is that person staring at them that way? Is he dreaming of DOTR? Oh god where did I put my inhaler?

PS An American Thermopylae.

Read Full Post »

A surprising number of beta males will pull cute women totally by accident, usually because they temporarily forgot to filter their thoughts before speaking them aloud, or while in a fog of liquor and xanax they executed Dread Game or Disengaged Asshole Game without realizing they were doing that.

Which goes to prove one of my main contentions that ALPHA is a state of mind more than it is a jut of jawline, and that beta males CAN LEARN to be the more charismatic men that women desire.

It’s just so friggin tragic that these “accidental jerkboys” RARELY take the lesson of their fortuitous faux pas to heart, preferring instead to ignore the HARD EVIDENCE OF A BINDING CONNECTION BETWEEN JERKITUDE AND MUFF MOISTENING in front of their eyes for the comfort of keeping their lips latched to the milk-less teat of the pussy pedestal in their heads.

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »

%d bloggers like this: