Visualizing Beta Part 2

In the last installment of visualizing beta, I ridiculed discussed in an even tone the photo of a lesser beta who wasn’t comfortable enough to drape his arm like a normal human male across the shoulders of an attractive girl. His tragic case was an obvious one. Virginal nerds, like fat chicks, can be spotted from 12 parsecs.

But what about the less obvious cases? A reader sent me an email with the following pic attached and wondered if this guy had the heart of a beta beating feebly underneath his alpha exterior. He based this on his observation that the guy’s body language seems artificial and both of their poses look forced.

The guy’s hand on her (fake) boob screams over-compensation. Real alphas don’t feel a need to claim their girl’s body parts in photos. Usually what you’ll see is the alpha leaning back and the girl claiming him with her hands all over his chest or her head nestled in his shoulder. This is evidence in favor of him being a former beta who is still getting used to the alpha aura that his steroid-fueled muscles give him.

I don’t see anything forced about her pose — she seems genuinely happy to have her tit mauled, but the dark glasses could be hiding the annoyance in her eyes. On the other hand, his pose looks awkward. He looks like he’s trying too hard to impress the photographer and however many millions will see this picture on the internet. I have to admit I am impressed by his nipples of drop-forged steel. You ever see that much nipple on a man?

Although he leans in too much he’s also turned away from the girl looking at the camera. It could be worse; I’ve seen guys in pictures kissing the tops of their girls heads affectionately.

Something about his face tells me he used to be chubby and shy. If there’s such a thing as a “beta face”, like there is a “gay face“, then this guy has it. Pouty lips, deer in the headlights eyes, a shadow of self-doubt. The overall impression is one of a muscular body attached to the wrong head.

This brings up an important issue — can a big guy be a beta? Absolutely, but it’s not nearly as common as a weak spindly man being a beta. If a guy has seriously crippling inner game issues then no matter how much muscle he piles on his weak game will betray him. This is why you can’t consistently judge an alpha male by appearances. Some of the toughest guys I knew bumbled and stumbled in the presence of women.

Since alphaness is ultimately a state of mind and heart, a beta face or an alpha body don’t tell the whole story about a man and his success with women. While a man’s physical appearance correlates with his womanizing prowess it’s far from one-to-one. See: Zach Braff.

However, if a guy gets huge there’s no doubt he’ll carry himself with more confidence. A man can’t help but feel on top of the world when he’s physically more imposing than 90% of all men. For this reason I recommend all men throw iron. It’s not as efficient or as effective as learning game or being excellent in some endeavor that matters to women, but it’s a tangible display of strength that’s bound to increase confidence. And girls like muscle on a man, all else being equal.

As long as men don’t make the common mistake of believing getting huge will automatically improve their notch count they should consider weightlifting (and I’m not opposed to the use of steroids for hardgainers like myself) an excellent adjunct to strengthening what really matters — their sense of self.

Verdict: Lesser Alpha, Former Beta

Read Full Post »

May 2008 Comment Winner

For the second time in a row* (there was no April comment winner because all the comments in April sucked) droll and deadpan blogfly Gannon takes home the prize with his comment on my post Overheard In DC:

The real culprit is that women’s extended adolescence increases each year. Age of first marriage delys itself more and more, specially among high and middle class (middle class girls aspire to be high class) women. A lot of women nowadays marry at around 30, an age where their fertility has decreased a lot. Sure, a lot of women in their thirties have children. But also, a lot of women in their thirties can’t have children anymore. The real age brackets which always have produced the most children are the women aged 16-30. That is the age when women can produce the next generation. Teen girls are as fertile as shit. Fuck a 16 year old girl three times, and voilá, she will be knocked up. You can fuck some 30something year old woman for months, use a table to determine her fertile days, raise her hips to allow your spunk to get to the matrix but even then that gal’s belly won´t grow.

Can’t argue with the facts, but what I really liked was his description of a woman’s reproductive organs as the “matrix”. When you plunge into a woman’s furrow it really is like entering an alternate universe of flytraps, clanking gears, flesh portals, and undulating catacombs.

Gannon’s comment reminded me of the movie Juno. She sits on a cock once for two seconds and gets pregnant, while some 33 year old somewhere is hopped up on witch doctor fertility drugs imported from India and dangling upside-down from a mechanical contraption at the exact moment the moon enters its third phase crescent and Jupiter aligns with Uranus, barking at her man to hurry up and finish the job as she grips the base of his shaft to squeeze out the last life-giving droplet and he drops dead from a heart attack from overexerting himself in an activity that has ceased to be enjoyable.

May 2008 Comment Winner Runner-Up is Shivani on my post From Kitten To Cougar:

GAWD!!! never have I ever been more disgusted by a post but at the same time couldn’t take my eyes off of it.

My work here is done.

Read Full Post »

Wild Monkey Man Beast Caught On Film!

How Zeets the Throwback Barbarian was able to hold the camera steady when encountering this mysterious and frightening creature deep in the woods is a testament to his nipples of drop-forged steel. You never saw that much hard nipple on a man.

I went on a hike trying to escape civilization and its discontents for a few hours. It’s important for a man to get away from women before he imbibes too much estrogen and loses touch with his inner ballsack. You want to retreat to places most women dare not tread.

Unfortunately, the woods of Rock Creek Park isn’t deep enough. Yes, this jogging woman is blabbing into her cell phone, probably scolding her beta boyfriend to remember to pick up cat litter. This is her on the return trip of her run. She had jogged by us going the opposite direction a half hour earlier with the cell phone glued to her ear, ruining the sounds of nature with her obnoxious voice. I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine what it says about a person who can’t put down the fucking cell for one minute while surrounded by natural beauty.

I say we reintroduce wolves to the Northeast wilds. That’ll keep the yuppie broads out.

Another nature girl with a cell in the woods. Remember this when a chick waits a day to return your call. They bring their cell phones on nature hikes because they can’t bear to miss a call; they got your message.

This woman was cool though. She had a thoroughbred horse with her that ran for three years at the Belmont racetrack. What a magnificent stallion.

Tree vagina. What I do to women after they have experienced my oak-like girth.

A tree suicide pact.

My soul is nourished. Back to Tryst to peer over laptops at cute girls.

Read Full Post »

Worst Costume Ever

There has been a recent springtime flurry of activity for my Halloween-themed post “Best Costume Ever“, so I figured this is a good time to introduce the world to its evil twin, the Worst Costume Ever:

The horror…

Read Full Post »

Shit Stains After Sex

A reader wrote me asking for advice about a delicate situation. He asked me in private but since I think this is an important issue that all guys should know about (and that the email was probably a joke), I’ve posted it here and removed all identifying information.

ive been reading your blog for a while and its helped me tighten up my game a lot since i got out of an X yr relationship.  some of your tips actually helped me land a solid 8 that ive been dating for a while now, and things are getting pretty serious.  sex is awesome, and shes always up for it.  id say in general im pretty happy with the girl and shes definitely long-term material.

…[so] we have a great time banging, she stays over, whatever.  in the morning she goes home and when im getting up to get dressed, etc, i turn the light on and on my white sheets i see a (admittedly super small) shitstain on the bed – where her hole would be when i was drilling away at her.  this is gross of course, but look, everyone has a bad day down there once in a while (though in my opinion a girl never, ever should).  im willing to forgive that and just put it very quickly out of my mind, especially cuz its so small, etc.

Once a girl left a small brown spot on my bedsheet which I didn’t notice until a few days later. (I sleep on my couch a lot.) I was so incredulous that I had to verify it was what it looked like, so I poked my nose in it and sniffed. It’s amazing how long a shit odor can last in 20 thread count fabric.

so big deal right?  unfortunately, [after that incident], i met up with her after work for dinner/drinks.  b/c of this, she of course didnt shower, which bothers me cuz im like that, but whatever.  anyway, we bang a bunch of times that night and i sorta forgot about that one time and she goes home in the morning.  i wake up later and pull back my white sheets (forgot to mention they are white), and AGAIN, though much fainter ill say, there were a FEW different stains, and clearly brown in nature.

If there’s no odor, I would suggest investing in chocolate brown sheets. Out of sight, out of mind.

as i said, im pretty into this girl, and i dont want to just kick her to the curb.  so im just curious what you think about the situation.  is there some way i can get her to check her hygiene?  get that shit in line?  i know cuz youre such a tough guy “alpha” you might immediately default to not talking to her again, but again, i like her, and right now im enjoying the sex, etc etc.  plus im not a huge fan of constantly going out and trying to pick up chicks, cuz im over that shit these days.

First, be sure it’s a shit stain. If you bang a girl toward the end of her period (or during it. My needs don’t take five day holidays) any leftover unejected blood will mix with her vaginal lubrication and leave an ugly reddish-brown discharge on your shaft when you pull out. Vigorous thrusting means a little will dribble out past her taint and onto the bed, leaving stains that look like shit droplets. DO NOT under any circumstances smell this period blood/vaj mucous mix because the odor is horrendous. Try to contain your morbid curiosity. I’ve already done the smelling for you, so the public interest is served by my poor impulse control.

Anyhow, post-coital period froth is a natural bodily phenomenon and nothing to be alarmed over. If, on the other hand, you are sure it’s shit stains she’s tracking on your bed like a dog with worms, then I have to ask — is your girlfriend 90 years old? That might explain the incontinence. If she’s a healthy young woman then either you are pounding her too hard with an oversized member and shaking loose some dingleberries, or she’s a lazy wiper.

Poor hygiene can be a deal breaker. No matter how hot a girl is, if her breath causes me to retch I won’t ever want to kiss her. I’m certainly not going to give a rimjob to a girl with ring around the rectum. The old “tough guy alpha” would tell you to move on, girls are interchangeable and you don’t need to settle for a lazy wiper. But the new Compassionate Me of Transcendent Love recommends you leave a roll of 4-ply toilet paper on her pillow with a little note saying “thought you might like to try this. it’s so soft!”

Oh yeah, if it turns out she has colon cancer, dump her.

Hope this helps!

***

On a related note, this reader’s question reminded me of a story from my past. I was banging this marginal chick when I turned her over for doggy action. I like to spread the cheeks apart while doing a girl from behind and when I did I was immediately assaulted by a strong whiff of asshole. It was like a shitcloud hitting me in the face. Every time I spread her cheeks a new blast of stink would fly up my nose. I pressed her ass cheeks together to contain the smell. I turned my head to the side and my eyes began to tear up. I pressed tighter. Between the bad odor and not being able to watch the action because I was looking away from her ass with tears in my eyes, I started to deflate in her vagina. Even though I’m sure she could tell I was losing my wood inside her, she still moaned, kind of like how a teenager will act drunk when he’s been drinking non-alcoholic beer all night. I pulled out before I went completely flaccid, ran to the bathroom, and disposed of the unspoiled condom in the toilet, but not before I pondered the possibility of re-using it in the future on a cleaner girl. Condoms aren’t cheap.

I finished up to odor-free porn after she left.

Read Full Post »

Funny ‘Cause It’s (Kinda) True

Read Full Post »

Dancing Herb Friday

I fulfilled my white person obligation and went to an 80s night. 80s music is catchy and danceable; it practically coaxes the rhythm out of you. The girls were mostly mid 20s to mid 30s and were very approachable. When women reach a certain age they stop sitting in a tight circle with their backs to the crowd like they did when they were younger, and instead sit facing the outside world with open body language that screams “I’m here! Gimme some flirting!” Luckily, the lights were dim, effectively blurring wrinkles and bad skin tone, so flirting with them didn’t feel like a chore. Fantasies are easier to sustain in low light. Remember, these girls were coming of age when Pioneer car stereos were like the iPhones of today.

80s nights in DC don’t seem to appeal to yuppie credentialist status snobs like lawyers so you’ll find a lot of down-to-earth teachers and saleswomen at these parties which is fine by me. As the night wore on and people got drunk they creatively devised ways to grind ass to crotch to the unsuitable 80s beats. I highly recommend 80s nights for younger guys with dance skills looking for an easy score with horny cougar wannabes. After all, they’re not going to these cheesy parties to meet their future husbands. Another plus: The male competition was mostly useless herbs with no game. Their masculine presence was so weak they may as well have been bowls of Jell-O.

Zeets the Throwback Barbarian added the song “Saved By Zero” by the Fixx to the DJ’s playlist. It was never played. No wonder. That’s exactly the kind of 80s song a retro-loving guy would appreciate but not a girl.

Read Full Post »