Archive for the ‘Game’ Category

Anonymous found himself in what the walking dead would consider an awkward situation, but one which he sees an opportunity to leverage into love.

Need game advice. Buying condoms. Cashier is very cute hard 8. Buying only condoms because I have a sex life and do, in fact, need them. But could always use more plates. I’m 40; she’s 26.

What is my funny opener to the sales clerk ringing up my condoms?

Store is nearly empty. Would be easy to chat her up. Ask her to come help me try them out? Just say “come get coffee with me on your break”? Also I live 3 minutes from here. She’d get the benefit of three orgasms if she’s lucky enough to come with me to my pad.

While not a scenario most men would encounter frequently, and deciding not worth analyzing for its seduction potential, it is amusing and pregnant with much amniotic flirtation, so if you do have the good fortune to slap a box of condoms down in front of a cute cashier, this is the post for you.

My first volley of advice: Don’t be overtly sexual. Condom purchase + lewdness is not the golden tingle ticket for a girl who doesn’t know you from Adam. That isn’t game; that’s the bro clown show.

Try disqualification game instead: “Don’t get your hopes up.”

Or implied preselection game: “Do you guys have a bulk buying policy?”

Or social tension acknowledgement game: “What’s more embarrassing… customers buying condoms or douches?”

Anyhow, I don’t want to hog the microphone. Readers, jump in here and give it your best game. You will be harshly judged and winners featured in a follow-up post.

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Remember the CH post about walking like an alpha male? For shits and remotely activated tingles, I decided to try out the MAXIMUM ALPHA MALE MODE walking style in a beautiful baby zoo near you.

I walked about town like a guy who absorbed a piece of gorilla DNA in a telepod, similar to Jeff Goldblum’s unfortunate mix-n-match in The Fly. I strutted and swaggered. Not quite as comically as this buffoon:

…but getting close.

Result: After an hour or so performing the “here are my steely balls, ladies, feast your eyes” gait, I can conclusively say that a lot… no, a WHOLE LOT… of women tossed me lascivious stares. Not “what is this weird guy doing?” looks; real hardcore “i want… i need… to get to know this man” stares.

Ok, there were a couple of “who’s the weirdo?” looks, but most were definitely in the “checking him out” camp.

I want… I need… to report that I felt foolish walking like I had an anvil in my crotch that I had to swing my legs around, but sadly, with heavy heart, I felt no such discomfort. What I did feel instead was confidence boosted major.

To this day, and after so many years of confirmatory experience, it still astounds me how autonomically women are magnetized by a man exhibiting alpha male characteristics. It’s almost… robotic.

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♂😎SCIENCE😎♂ swoons for Game once again, or rather, for the biomechanical truths explored here at the Chateau. Via reader RedEleven, a slew of studies examining the role of biological sex differences in gaits and other physical motions (there is such a thing as throwing like a girl).

There’s a lab in Canada that does motion capture studies of people and has collected data and produced animations that show distinct differences in the male and female gait.

This interactive flash applet lets you adjust the masculinity-femininity of a wireframe animation.


This WebGL version allows you to rotate the wireframe and toggle between dot mode and skeleton mode:


And here’s an excerpt from one of the studies they published:

“A framework is outlined that can be employed to obtain gender and other characteristics of the agent from human motion patterns and subsequently use this information to synthesize motion with particular, well-defined biological and psychological attributes.”

And from the discussion section:

“For instance the exaggerated male walker has wider shoulders than hips whereas in the female walker this ratio reverses. Male walkers display considerable lateral body sway whereas this is not the case for female walkers. Hip motion in male walkers is 180 phase shifted with respect to the hip motion in female walkers. The position of the elbows is very different in male and female walkers. Men tend to hold their elbows away from the body whereas women hold them close to the body. In general, the exaggerated man seems to attempt to occupy much more space than the exaggerated woman — a display not unique to the human species. ”


There’s also an experiment that let’s you guess the gender of these 15-point figures as they walk, run, throw a ball, sit down, etc – based on data capture from real life.


That first biomotion link provides a few minutes of amusement if you adjust the sliders to MAXIMUM ALPHA MALE.

Male-Female: All the way to the male.
Heavy-Light: All the way to heavy.
Nervous-Relaxed: All the way to relaxed.
Happy-Sad: All the way to happy.

There you go, gentlemen. Mimic the walking motion of the MAXIMUM ALPHA MALE:

Elbows out.
Lateral sway in the upper body.
Knees high and out on the leg up-swing.
A little bit of bounce in your step. (“Get air” in your walk.)

In other words, lope like a pimp nigra.

j/k, but only sort of. Fact is, an alpha male gait that will turn on women is going to somewhat resemble a pimp roll. But Hwhyten it up. You don’t need to go the full gorilla to have an effect on lovely lady loins.

And whatever you do, don’t sashay your hips. Unless you’re John Scalzi, who is all about the swish.

BONUS: If you hoist iron, the resulting growth in your muscles and neural connections will naturally conform your gait into one that is more alpha male than beta male.

The second link is even funnier to watch in MAXIMUM ALPHA MALE MODE, (if not as educational), because it’s a full skeleton instead of a dot skeleton. You can practically see the silverback hair and prominent brow ridge.

How did you do on the “guess the sex” biomotion test at the last link? Your venerable Chateau host got 8/10 on the first sequence and 17/20 on the second sequence. Not bad considering the only clue to the sexes was a dot figure performing different motions. Do I know this because real world sex differences in gait and physical motion shape my impressions? Or do I know this because I was born with a mental template deep in my hindbrain that subconsciously informs my instinctive impressions? It’s probably both: Our genes create our sex differences, and our culture organically reinforces our genetic imprints.

Conclusion: The sexes are intrinsically, innately, immutably… biomechanically different!

Feminists, male and female? You there?


What about MAXIMUM ALPHA FEMALE MODE (i.e, how would an HB10 walk)?

Set the dot skeleton sliders in the first link to:

100% Female.
80% Light.
80% Relaxed.
80% Sad.

Try it, and I think you’ll agree that this female gait is the sexiest to male eyes.

Why? Because sex differences in mating psychology are telegraphed through our gaits. The HB10 is at her sexiest when she’s walking with:

– a 100% female gait
– a light step, but not so light she looks like a flaky slut
– a generally relaxed gait, but with a hint of nervousness that suggests vulnerability
– some perceptible sadness, because a 100% happy woman looks too strident and chirpy to properly ping those male radars for vulnerable faire maidens.

I hope this post has been as informative to open-minded readers as it has been hurtful and distressing to equalist fruit cups.


Commenter mendozatorres notes that the more “male” the dot figure, the greater the “crotch thrust” and the wider the man-spreading! Spread those legs out, men, and let your hog light shine! The women want a show. And, vice versa, when the figure goes from male to female, the crotch area sways more, like a pendulum tantalizingly swinging a basket of fruit at its end.


From commenter “its me”:

50/75/25/75 – effeminate homo/hipster walk lzozlzolzzolzzolzzozlz

It’s lzozlol because it’s true.

PS Fat-woman-who-has-given-up-on-life walk: 75/0/100/100. She looks like she’s ready to fall through the earth.

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A reader whose handle I forgot asks,

I thought you might have a post about this or would have some good suggestions: you know when you’re in a big group of new people and they have a “introduce yourself” for everyone–and to say “one thing that is interesting about you”. What’s some good ideas that are appropriate but somewhat interesting for the ladies in the group? Something serious, something funny, joking etc

Your question appears to imply a formal setting, like a work retreat or a school function or an AA meeting. Am I right? Because if it’s a casual venue, like a bar, where one girl, the social butterfly, is rushing around trying to get everyone to meet each other, then the range of your workable responses would be much wider.

If it’s a casual context, may the charismatic jerkboy force be with you:

“My name is Santa Claus. Stop asking lame questions or you’re getting a lump of coal this year.”

If it’s more formal:

“Hi, I’m [Neptune’s Uni-Pronged Trident]. Something interesting about me…. I sleep eight hours a night.”

This is a form of self-disqualification, and in the right circumstances (such as this one), it can be a DHV — demonstration of higher value — to 1) answer a serious question with a glib reply and 2) self-deprecate when it is obvious that you don’t really mean it.

This is far from the only way to parlay a contrived social situation to your personal SMV advantage. For example,

“Hi, I’m [Loki’s Hammer Envy]. Something interesting about me… I tend to get into a little more trouble than it’s worth.”

The implication that you’re a badboy should be plenty to get the after-hours conversational ball rolling with any women in attendance.

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Disgust, more than fear, dampens women’s sexual arousal. As a devoted skirt chaser, it’s better to make a girl a little afraid of you than it is to disgust her.

(Any connection between wives’ growing disgust for their beta hubbies and their frequency of headaches is purely coincidental.)

This female hindbrain reality explains why women are so quick to label men they don’t like with terms that evoke disgust, (e.g., “creepy”, “strange”, “weird”), and why men, in turn, are so careful to avoid being labeled as such, and to feel the sting harder when they are the recipient.

But it is also true, as any man with extensive field experience will attest, that women tend to throw around the “creep” smear with scattershot profligacy, as a means of “dramatizing” an incipient seduction as often as a means of communicating outright rejection of their suitors. In other words, the “creepy” label is a semantic shit test, and like any female shit test, if successfully passed your attractiveness to the girl will markedly increase.

There are counter-semantic measures a man can take to power down the empowerment a girl feels when she drops the “creep” bomb.

GIRL: “Ew, you’re being soooo creepy/such a creep!”



“Please, you haven’t seen anything yet. Wait’ll I put on my clown make-up.”

Preemptive DQ

Basically, light-heartedly call the girl out as a creep before she gets a chance to do it to you. It’s a great preemptive reframe of a courtship that constantly forces the girl back on her heels, in the defensive crouch (where tingles are born!)

Ambiguous Accusation

“Oh, you’re one of *those* girls.”

Amused Dismissal

“Do you eat with that mouth?”

Reverse Shit Test


Straight-up DQ


Assume The Sale

“Look, this is my final offer. After this, I have to cut you loose.”


This might be the best option for newbies. Just change the topic and “reset” the convo as if she hadn’t said anything of note.

Playground Challenge

“It takes one to know one.”


“You got something caught in your teeth.”

Dramatic Flair

“I bet you say that to all the boys.”

Jerkboy Charisma

“There’s no accounting for taste.”

Style’s Attraction Amplifier

“I’m taken.”

Bring Da Movies Game



As always, when engaged in the business of applied charisma, avoiding the pitfall of sounding defensive is paramount. This is not so hard as it seems, if you mentally groom yourself to be prepared for anything a girl might say in the course of a courtship. If you enter every pregnant-ly romantic interaction with a girl expecting to hear the unexpected from her, the crass from her, the bitchy from her, you likely never will be surprised by whatever she says, and this is the secret to building a personal defense against your own proclivity to butthurt defensiveness.

You needn’t be a cynic; you merely need to be accepting of the full behavioral spectrum of female privilege. You won’t always be able to predict what a girl will say to you, but you can predict how you’ll respond when she throws a monkey wrench into your laid-best plans: Unflustered, because you know this is how women are, how they have been for millennia, and how it is your job as a man to joyously pluck and eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and women. If you don’t pluck it, some other man will. Or, tragically, it will rot and fall to the ground, to be eaten by scavenging house cats.

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If you didn’t already know, #LoveWins is a Twitter hashtag celebrating hatred for people who don’t agree with the gay marriage SCROTUS dicktat.

As CH #Loves to do, we find opportunity for romantic pleasure in the detritus of a disintegrating nation. One such opportunity was discovered by reader newlyaloof:

I’m thinking that #LoveWins would be a great pickup line:

Guy sees girl, just walks up to her and tries to kiss her.
If you’re a charming bastard, the girl just may kiss you.
If not:
Girl: “What are you doing?”
You “Love Wins!” and go for it again. Or tease her and accuse her of being against love.

Heh. Ballsy, but has broad and deep potential. This tactic doesn’t have a short shelf life, either. It can work well after every ADD-suffering American girl has forgotten why there’s a rainbow sticker on her butthexed bungholelllzlzllol. I could see this opener easily parlayed into an extended, disqualifying, teasing riff on a girl’s numerous character flaws.

GIRL: “What are you doing?”

LOVE’S PENETRATING GAZE: “Are you against being in love?”

GIRL: “No.”

LOVE’S PENETRATING GAZE: “Next thing you’ll tel me you hate puppies.”

GIRL: “I don’t hate puppies either.”

LOVE’S PENETRATING GAZE: “You seem like the type to hate on cute things.”

etc. Anyone willing to try it out? Do I have to be the only one here to go into the breach?

If you don’t want to risk kissing a girl you just met, you could try a toned-down version of the above. Instead of kissing, place your hand gently on her shoulder and, longingly staring into her eyes, say with mock seriousness, “You and I, there’s magic between us. Can you feel it?” When she balks, segue into the “Love Wins!” riposte. The goal is to go for the tension-releasing taunting humor, which will set you up nicely for a more profound seduction.

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I’ve heard every beta male excuse for sexual market inaction under the sun.

“She wasn’t looking at me.”

“She seemed like she didn’t want anyone talking to her.”

“I wasn’t feeling the vibe.”

“Too loud.”

“Too quiet.”

“Too crowded.”

“Too empty.”

“Too public.”

“Too private.”

“I might startle her and freak her out.”

“I can’t get to her without making it too obvious.”

“She probably has a boyfriend.”

“I need another drink first.”

“She’s out of my league.”

“You can’t just WALK UP to girls on the sidewalk!”

“This isn’t the place to hit on girls.”

“People are watching.”

“I’m dressed like a slob/I smell/I feel out of sorts/My hair is a mess today.”

“She’s talking to a bunch of people. I’ll wait till they leave her.”

“I forgot my opener.”

“My ass-less chaps are wrinkled.”

“I forgot to wear my Power Fedora.” (ed: this one’s not a joke, i heard it)

“I’m not feeling it right now.”

“Oh, wait, she saw me looking at her. Now it’ll just be weird if I go up to her.”

“I waited too long.” (ed: well, no shit!)

“I didn’t go out tonight to hit on girls.”

“If it happens, it’ll happen.” (ed: logic trap)

“I’m not in a good mood now.”

“I’ll hit it hard tomorrow.”

“The moment isn’t right.”


The perfect moment is the enemy of the pickup. Forget it, Jake, the perfect moment will never come to men who insist on waiting for perfect moments.

Perfect moments are made, by opportunists, aka charismatically bold men. Women happily back-rationalize the moment they meet interesting men as “chemistry”, “we clicked”, and “everything just seemed so perfect”, even if in reality all that happened was he approached and spoke a few words and impudently allowed his hands to take liberties with her erogenous space. So why are you bothering to wait for a perfect moment to hit on women when women will do all the work post hoc constructing that perfect moment in their pretty little heads?

Be an opportunist, not an idealist. For example, here’s a “perfect moment” that occurred when a particularly ruthless buddy of mine exploited what would normally have been an exceedingly embarrassing social situation into a #LoveWins ❤️. The girl who is the subject of this recollection had just tripped while walking on the sidewalk. As is the wont of girls, she got up, brushed herself off while suppressing obvious signs of pain, and attempted to carry on gracefully as if nothing had happened.

(When men trip, they will look backwards at the offending sidewalk crack as if to challenge it to a fight.)

My buddy would have none of that.

HIM: Don’t worry about pretending it didn’t happen, I saw the whole thing.

HER: Oh, yeah, ha, that was crazy.

HIM: Confession. I made a Vine of it. You’ll be on the internet in ten minutes.

HER: That’s not even funny.

HIM: Ok fine, it wasn’t as funny as your fall.

HER: I’m glad you were entertained!

HIM: I was. Does that make me a bad man?

HER: Yes, it does.

HIM: Good. This means you’d be down for drinks this week.


Every moment is a perfect moment to pickup girls, if you have heavy balls and skill wielding them.

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