Alpha Assessment Monday: Late Night Coffee Edition

Time for another round of alpha assessment, where readers send in their examples of game they’ve run and hope to be judged worthy of alphatude.

Case #1

Submitted by bills217:

This chick is my next door neighbor – I met her and got her number, but she will not text me back, no matter what I do (I hate talking on the phone so I never call). I am thinking she is hesitant because she is my neighbor, even though we never see each other at the complex and I haven’t had any in-person contact with her except for the one time we met and exchanged numbers.

Me: Call it a hunch but I’m feeling lucky today – I feel like you are going to respond to this text.

Her: I gotta hand it to you – you don’t give up.

Me: (obvious sarcasm) yeah well there are so few attractive girls in atlanta i didnt think i could afford to let you get away, which has been surprisingly difficult considering you live next door. lets grab coffee tonight.

Her: do you still want to grab coffee if i have a boyfriend?

(above really smells like a shit test to me since she didn’t say anything about it when I got her number or as a reply to any of my texts)

Me: do you still want to grab coffee if I have a girlfriend?

Her: is she also one of the few attractive girls in atlanta?

Me: I had to look far and wide but I was able to find a few. Anyway, since you are so generally difficult I am taking that as a yes to coffee. I have plans at 8, I’ll knock on your door at 6.

Her: I won’t be home from work by then…guess you will have to get lucky some other day.

Me: Working past 6 on a friday? that is rough. You should get a better job. I am a pretty lucky guy so I think there will be another day soon.

This is a great example of a man “overgaming”. Overgaming is basically try-hard game, where every thrust by the woman is met with an overcompensatory parry by the man. Overgaming happens when two conditions are met: one, the man has recently jettisoned his beta baggage and is eager to lay the cocky/funny smackdown, and two, the man is emotionally invested in the outcome with the woman. Overgaming can often be worse than executing zero game, because women don’t really want to see you trying hard to impress them. A man with zero game sometimes gets the girl by sheer dint of ignorance; an empty mind is a mind in the moment.

A few points: gaming neighbors is tough because you sacrifice intrigue and unpredictability by the fact of you living next to her. In college, the girls who live in big co-ed group homes rarely hook up with their male roommates. They usually prefer to harvest cock from mysterious far away lands, like the dorm building down the block.

A man should never “feel lucky”. Your mindset should be that she is lucky to be even hearing from you.

Your texts are too long and obvious attempts at being witty. Pussy prefers pith. Thoughtful texts interspersed with Sundance Film Festival caliber dry humor is best left to her funny, smiling on the outside but hurting on the inside, horny hard-up orbiter male friends.

Sarcasm in texts doesn’t always translate. She might have really thought you couldn’t afford to let her get away, and judged by your performance so far, she would’ve been right. Sarcasm is best done face to face, after some initial attraction has been established. Otherwise you risk coming across petulant, peevish, and insecure. Sarcasm sits nearly as badly on men as it does on women.

Coffee at night? What happened to alcohol? You want to loosen her up, not rev her up. Last thing you need is a mentally alert broad overanalyzing everything you say to see if you meet her 462 bullet point checklist.

You failed the boyfriend shit test. If I were a girl I would think I had stung you. A better answer requires reframing: “Only if he pays.”

The problem with surrendering to a girl’s frame is illustrated nicely by her response to your “if i have a girlfriend” snarky reply. She was able to turn your words against you with a clever riposte: “is she also one of the few attractive girls in atlanta?”

Don’t call a girl who is being difficult “difficult”. You don’t want to draw attention to the fact that she is not interested in you enough to not make it difficult for you. Try to maintain a positive frame. If you study the Tomes of the Asshole Ancients you may be surprised to find that most assholes are rarely negative in their assholery. It’s a subtle art, but effective asshole game is not humorlessly critical of the girl. Clit Crit is the domain of the spurned greater beta or lesser alpha. Assholes may be abrasive, but they are not downers. (Note: If you *are* going to call a girl difficult, don’t sabotage your gutsy play by then rewarding her difficulty with the offer of a coffee date.)

Normally, taking the lead when arranging dates is a good thing, but you can’t lead a woman who isn’t sufficiently intrigued to want to be led. This is why your texts to meet at such and such a time sound controlling instead of authoritative.

Your last text reply is too long. Men who are losing control of the interaction will try a salvage operation by throwing everything and the kitchen sink at the girl. That may work for Lloyd Dobler, but it doesn’t work for most guys in the real world. I wouldn’t have even bothered responding to her last text. And why are you informing her, yet again, that you are a “lucky guy”? Remember the Rule of Value Demonstration: you build value by verbalizing an insignificant “problem” of low value, and by nonverbally demonstrating an actual trait of high value. A truly lucky guy doesn’t tell a girl he is lucky. He lets his luck speak for itself.

Relatedly, if you are going to verbalize your higher value, you need to be way more subtle than you are. When Mystery drops DHVs about the hot strippers he dates, it’s usually tucked within the confines of a larger story.

I give this text exchange a D grade. You understand enough to avoid the worst beta mistakes, but your insecurity stepping into a stronger role you are ill-prepared for shows here. Practice a few weeks of texting girls using nothing but One Word Game. Better yet, skip texting altogether and get them home the same day you meet them.

Case #2

Submitted by Grapedrink:

Here’s a lil’ background. I’m 18 and grad. last year,she’s 17 and is still in school.Light flirting during class led to her sending naked pics and playing hard to get over the summer.Haven’t seen her in several months and haven’t talked to her in a few months…This is what we texted to each other today

After a few mins of catching up….
Me : I gotta question for you
Her : what’s that?
Me : When you gon let me tap that?
Her: ahaha yuh so funny
Me : dead ass
Her : why yuh wanna sex meh?
Me : cuz we both know we want it
Her : who said we wanted it
Me : ur body language
Her : ahaha
Me : See? the signs are all there!
Her : Chile Boo!
Me : it’s cool,i know what your going thru right now
Her : Whats that?
Me : U feel honored,shy and horny
Her : not really
Me : ur right,your not shy. But 2 outta 3 is good enuff for me!
Her : ahahah
Me : ur too old to be playing hard to get sweetie
Her : yuh right & and who said I was playing hard to get
Me : Me. your beatin around the bush,and it needs to be the other way around if you know what I mean
Her : is that right?
Me : Realest shit I ever said
Her : sooo whats up then?
Me : ima come pick you up tonight at 9

There’s a few more texts of her saying how she’s going outta town tonight and Im basically getting a rain check…

So what do yall think?

I have nothing to add to this. It’s almost perfect except for the number of texts exchanged, and the bad syntax (but that’s acceptable since you’re just out of high school and she’s even worse). Shorten it up, cut back on the chatter, and you’ve got yourself a foothold. Ignore her for a while, I think she’ll respond without any additional prompting from you. If not, try contacting her in a couple of weeks to hang out.

Grade: A. This is impressive game for an 18 year old. I see bright future of womanizing and juvie detention centers for you.

Case #3

Submitted by tosh:

Ok then, your honesty has inspired me to share a story of my own as I’m keen to learn something from this recent experience… happy for you to tear this to shreds! should mention I’m a newbie to the site…

I dated a great girl since beginning of the year – she was incredibly sexy, smart, and funny – and everything was rocking along nicely. Without boring you with the mechanics of the relationship I broke up with her about 2 months ago after failing a major shit test (jealousy & insecurity related) & she’d started to become emotionally distant. Should repeat “I” broke up with her.

After that I cut off contact, until she chased & chased then we eventually hooked up again about 4 weeks ago. After 2 weeks of solid pounding not dissimilar to that when our relationship was at its best, out of no where she suddenly flaked on me over the weekend.

Again, not wanting to put myself in the place of beta chasing… when she called next time to say she wanted to see me, I was aloof but agreed to catch up, then cancelled on her a few hrs before I was spose to see her. When she called & texted again wanting to see me, I didn’t respond until after the proposed date with a simple text “hey def wanted to see you but something came up & didn’t have phone on me. Talk soon.”

A weeks now past… no contact either way. I’m thinking about her a lot & I’d definitely like to get back together with her but not sure how to go forward. Any thoughts?

First, glad to see you put into action my advice for winning back an ex-girlfriend (what is known colloquially as “tingle rekindle”). You preemptively breaking up with her when you saw the writing on the wall was a heads-up move that afforded you a couple extra weeks of glorious piledriving. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Unfortunately, you overplayed your hand. Keep in mind that a calculatingly reignited relationship rests on shaky ground to begin with, so any false move could be the excuse she needs to finally let go in full. Playing hard to get is great as a pickup strategy, but it can quickly backfire on girls with whom you share a sexual history. You blew her off twice when you didn’t need to, and you did so in an obvious way. The trap of try-hard works in both directions  – when you feel a need to impress and when you feel a need to unimpress. Take another stab at her but don’t expect much.

Grade: C+

Case #4

Submitted by young bachelor gig:

carnival was getting close, and all the guys were teasing the one among all who had a girlfriend. whenever the subjects of girls/booze appeared, guys would remark ” don’t talk about that near XXX, he has girlfriend”

then on the week before carnival, one of the guys said he couldn’t go, family matters. so our friend XXX had the perfect opportunity, there was a place in the car, in the hotel and even the parties’ tickets. the only problem was his girlfriend.

so he sends her a bouquet of flowers, anonymously. coincidentally, he arrives at her home soon after she received the flowers. facing such a filthy whore, who receives flowers from unknown people, he finished the relationship

then he decided to get back from carnival early, arriving back home on tuesday night. then he calls his devastated ex-girlfriend on ashes’ wednesday night, around 2 or 3 AM, and tells her that he couldn’t stop thinking about her, that he spent the whole carnival thinking about both of them together, and she comes to his home.

they are still together. it happened last february.

Grade: A+ for Asshole+. I loved this story. An emotionally charged powerhouse. No reason to include it in this post, except for the fact that it shows just how devastatingly effective game bereft of any moral or ethical consideration can be. And you just know she loves the shit out of him.

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A Common Mistake Men Make

Needling a woman to be more upbeat.

“Why so sad? Be happy. How about a smile!”

“Hey, it’s not that bad, come on!”

“Let’s see a smile. Don’t look so down.”

“Where’s your holiday spirit?”

Why do you show you care about a woman’s emotional state before you’ve banged her? Remember, your reality first. Her reality a distant second.

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The Easiest Way To Revive A Flagging Relationship

Beta backsliding is a fact of life. Even the hardest alphas will occasionally show flashes of humanity that rev their women’s shit testing engines. Most of these moments are brief and dismissible, but woe to the man who can’t recognize his embetafying ineptitude; he will slowly lose dominant control of his relationships until one day he’s so scared of his woman that he believes her when she says she’ll leave him if he goes through with a paternity test.

When you become experienced with women your alert system for beta backsliding is so honed that you can tell within seconds of your woman pulling away from you which of your behaviors was the cause. When your awareness of the sexual matrix is fully advanced, you will even be able to tell with frightening accuracy how your woman will react to your behavior *before she has reacted*. Like aural bullets of shit tests flying at you from all directions, your Neo Game will slow time and warp space, stopping her shit tests in front of you, which you then send right back at her with double the force. A master of female psychology (MFP) is indistinguishable from a clairvoyant, predicting women’s actions before they have happened based on nothing more than a well-developed understanding of a woman’s animal nature.

The day will come when you get so good at this that you will throw beta chum in the water just to amuse yourself with her predictable response, in much the same way women amuse themselves by wrapping lesser men around their fingers with ostentatious displays of cleavage or flirty signals of sexual interest.

Which brings us to our question: What does a man do when he has lost the upper hand and his relationship is on the fast track to fail if he doesn’t take steps to arrest it? First, he must assess what led him to his predicament. Did he hug her too tightly in public? Did he make kissy face with her in front of other men? Did he nestle his head in her lap? Did he say “sorry”? Did he cry after sex? Did he do all of these things plus tell her she’s beautiful? If so, then he shouldn’t be surprised if she complains about his PDA, or moans about spending too much time together.

When a woman pulls back, a typical man’s instinct will be to try and fix his flagging relationship. Men do; that’s how we’re designed. Unfortunately, more often than not this male instinct to action will drive the nails into the coffin of his dying relationship. Most men overreact, either in the beta direction or the alpha direction. A beta will coo and pout and swarm with rays of undying love until his woman is repulsed and leaves him with her heart light and unburdened. An alpha will control and demean and lash out like an angry tyrant until his woman falls into the arms of a more charming man.

I have a better way. My advice is so simple that any man — from alpha to omega — can follow it with success. It’s this:

The easiest way to revive a flagging relationship is to cut off all contact.

That’s it. No routines to memorize, no alpha body language to learn, no reframing required; just one simple solution: Cut off all contact. No phone calls, no texts, no emails, no midnight drive-bys at her apartment. Nothing until she reinitiates contact with you.

And I guarantee that nine out of ten times she *will* reinitiate contact. Women cannot resist chasing a man who has made himself unavailable. The disappearing act is every man’s ace in the hole; women are nearly powerless to it. They have no defense. All it requires of the man is willpower. If you find it hard to be away from your woman’s pussy for more than a day, then you will have to find substitutes while in the No Contact Zone. A man on top of his game will have other women to service him. Lesser men will need to turn to porn or hookers. Or eat a lot of tofu and lick plastic bottles to lower his testosterone.

Depending on length of relationship and severity of the man’s beta offense, the No Contact Zone can last anywhere from a couple of days to a month. The beauty of this solution to revive a dying relationship is that even those rare times when she does not reinitiate contact you will have saved yourself time and energy dating a woman who was likely to dump you soon anyhow. And on the flimsiest pretext, like getting a smile from a high status bike messenger.

Note that I did not say this is the *best* method for rescuing a relationship on the rocks. I said it was the easiest method with the highest return for the minimal investment. If you’re a busy guy who can’t be bothered to run expert level effortless-seeming game, or if you’re a recovering beta who isn’t yet confident enough in his LTR game to risk a more proactive approach to a dying LTR, then the No Contact Zone is for you.

There’s one other thing you must know. If you don’t do this final step the right way then your No Contact Zone game will be for naught. Assuming she reinitiates contact (and she likely will), expect her to say something like this:

“Hey there! Haven’t heard from you in a while. What have you been up to?”

If your No Contact Zone game hit the mark, you will detect a hint of nervousness in her voice. Congratulations, sir, you have regained hand. BUT… you can lose it all if you in any way ACKNOWLEDGE the No Contact ruse. Like Fight Club, the first rule is to not talk about it. That means you act as if NOTHING IS UNUSUAL about your calculated time away from her.

“Hey, what’s up! Eh you know, the usual stuff, work, life. Did I tell you about my new hobby? Single malt scotch… oh yeeeah.”

This will, naturally, drive her mentally insane. Fitfully for us men, mental insanity in women triggers seismic gina tremors. She will invite herself over for (in her mind) make up sex. Your job is to step aside and let the hamster in her head spin itself to exhaustion as you fornicate to the wee hours.

One more thing. If she presses you on your absence, say by asking “Why haven’t you called me?”, you deny complicity in her frame. In other words, don’t allow yourself to get entrapped by her frame by answering defensively. Either deny her accusation (“You’re very forgetful. I called you a few days ago.”) or reframe the conversation to a focus on her clinginess (“I didn’t know I was supposed to call you every single second of the day. Aw, it’s cute that you think about me so much. Adorable!”)

Played right, No Contact Zone game is absolutely devastating to a woman’s sense of relationship entitlement and her bloated hypergamous ego.

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A Test Of Your Game

It’s been a while since I tested my readers’ game skills. Let’s see how you do in the following hypothetical scenario.

You’ve been dating a girl for a few months. Things are going swimmingly. The sex is hot, the time together is easy and carefree, and the affection is genuine. Pat yourself on the back, Lothario, you’ve had win for breakfast.

One pleasant evening you two are sitting at dinner and she drops the name of a male friend she’s known since high school. She’s randomly mentioned this guy before in conversation, and because you were designed by the god of biomechanics to be the most advanced alpha intruder alert system the world has ever seen, the first time she talked about him you had cajoled just enough information out of her to learn that they never slept together and he is just an old friend. Although, as with all women, you couldn’t be sure she wasn’t lying about the sex part, your dirty whore biodetection algorithm made a sweep of her facial expression when she answered your subtly probing questions and you concluded at the time that she was telling the truth.

So here you sit at dinner with her and his name comes up again. And again. She’s complaining about something he did which didn’t involve her, but her complaints are tinged with that peculiar female way of complaining — sprightly and histrionically — when thoughts of the man who has annoyed her have simultaneously tingled her gina. Now she doesn’t bring him up often, but he’s mentioned just often enough that you begin to wonder if she harbors latent feelings of attraction for him. You’ve met the man, and he is a good looking dude with a stoically masculine personality.

You sense — though your evidence is flimsy — that you are at some sort of dating crossroad. You smell an unintentional shit test blowin’ on the breeze. Danger is in the air. Up to now, you have handled her very well. Your alpha cred is intact. Her furrow parts freely and she orgasms wantonly when penetrated by the tumescent expression of your silverback essence. But now, you sit listening to her intently, holding your tongue, pricked by a needle of ambiguity.

What do you do?

Answer carefully. This will go toward your final score.

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Natural Game Is Dead

Has there been too much emphasis by the seduction community on teaching “natural game”? Are we headed down a road where everything we’ve learned about women’s motives and desires becomes clouded over by ideological status jockeying, as a retrograde belief among pickup instructors and authors of game books takes hold that the only true game is unthinking, unconscious natural game?

Reader “ProDude” sent me the following email:

Hi, I don’t care if this letter gets put on your site or not, i just had to get something off my chest.

The current state of game is absolutely terrible. As you said in an earlier post, the influx of the “natural” style is ultimately killing the scene in my opinion.

I went to a few of these small monthly PUA get togethers in NYC – you pay about 10 dollars, listen to an instructor or some other presenter talk for 40 minutes, then talk to the other dudes there to hopefully meet new wings (which is all well and good).

The last few times I went there were some fairly well known “Naturals” around the NYC area, one was supposedly a former instructor at a major company. And their speeches amounted to nothing less than the old “just be yourself” speech we are used to hearing.

Now, being that my approach is finely crafted over my time spent gaming to reflect my personality, I am a good person to give this advice to. However, as I looked around the room I saw some very different faces.
Older guys, balding guys, really weak looking guys, and a dude that I had learned got divorced 6 months earlier. At the front of the room sat a dude who was so greasy, that I was pretty sure I can taste and smell him just from looking at him.
And what was the advice [the instructor] was giving to these people? Basically – act like a drunk 25 year old.
Of course it would work for me – I am 25 and very social. Of course it work for him – turns out he is 26 and a pretty good looking dude. But what about the other people there? What about the divorced guy, the old guy, the weak guy and the stinky guy? are they gonna get laid acting like a frat guy? Probably not.
Sure, he made some good points during his 40 minute speech, I’m not gonna fault him for that.

However, an even funnier thing happened later – he invited a bunch of people out that night to sarge with him. I was honestly excited because I wanted to see how a person that games for a LIVING does in the field. We all met up at a hipsterish bar and everyone began working their game. But whats this? Was I outshining him? I absolutely hate to toot my own horn, but here I was getting stronger reactions from women than a guy that charges a thousand dollars to hang with him for a weekend.
Let me repeat, I am not a mack superhero, or one of those super PUAs that only exist in bullshitted field reports. But here I was, doing better than a pro. That’s bullshit, that shouldn’t happen.

So I leave you with the following questions.

What does it take to really be a good PUA? What does it take to teach? Why does every person that has ever gotten laid suddenly an “expert”? Who, in you experience, is the best PUA/instructor/teacher and why? All of this shit is really bothering me, because in my opinion game is here to undo the years of damage that society has done, but I am afraid it might just do the opposite if this weak shit goes unchecked.

This is a problem. As Venusian Arts pickup instructor “Knack” hinted at in this guest post, I suspect the seduction community is abandoning the hard-won lessons that made it successful in the first place. The Game Revolution is drowning under an onslaught of PUA ego self-stroking, marketing razzle dazzle, and simple sloth. Greed and hubris is killing it before it has had a chance to fully mature, accelerated by modern social networks.

Ideological revolutionary movements follow this pattern:

Apostasy

A determined intellectual core of demoralized subjects of the status quo revolt. First, they focus their critical gaze at society; then, they turn it upon themselves. In time, their disgust and anger with the present system coalesces into a call to action.

Rebellion

Like-minded individuals find each other, faster than ever thanks to the global information supersexway. Small groups begin to form, bringing curious onlookers and searchers for answers into their orbit of influence. A rebellious subculture is born, dedicated to acquisition and application of new knowledge and the discard of lies.

Agglomeration

Dissent among the rebels is freely expressed. Trial and error and hypothesis rule the day. Anger, hate, love, admiration flow like a river, as do lay reports. Internet message boards and forums blow up (See: alt.seduction.fast and fastseduction.com, circa 1997 – 2000). Creativity blooms, fueled by a chaotic energy. The best is weeded from the useless and a system for change takes shape. A movement arises, Commandments in hand.

Hierarchization

The ambitious and the clever capitalize on the new paradigm. Businesses and ordered governing bodies emerge to channel the yearning of the rebel masses. Knowledge filters down and brings its blessings to everyone willing to embrace it. There is much treasure to plunder, and a frantic race to cash in. A warning flare shoots up as egos grow too big.

Dissolution

The natural inclination of humans is to believe they have a better way. The tried and tested ideology of a successful movement strains and creaks as it is tugged from various directions by those who want to inch it in the direction of improvement or reform. This tendency is exacerbated by the greed of teachers and writers and self-glorifiers who need something to set their services apart from competing business models. The original movement splinters into petty factions, along the way sloughing off the hard-won knowledge that defined its success.

Infighting

Anger and hate return, but this time not in the service of creativity and revolution, but in the service of fighting over the scraps of followers with a dollar bill left to spend. All energy is wasted on self-promotion; little goes to actual learning. It is now social status uber alles for the instructors and mentors, a bunch who have grown fat and torpid on their success and fame and now find it easier to teach to the lowest common denominator — namely, the game of the “natural”, which is nothing more than the game of good looks, aloofness, and saying “Hi”.

Betrayal

At long last, the movement so devolves that it betrays the central tenets of its foundation. The original mission is lost, replaced by a lackluster adherence to pop psychobabble and a lazy reliance on “inner game” or “natural game”. Everything that makes game tough to learn but generous in reward is jettisoned in favor of feelgood nostrums and vague handwaving. Cynicism among the followers is rampant and the revolution winds down to a caricature of itself.

The state of seduction is at the moment somewhere between dissolution and betrayal. A cyclical process that normally takes decades or even centuries has been compressed into a mere ten years by the rapidity with which the internet permits the stages of revolution to progress.

I have heard now from a number of men who have participated in seminars and workshops that the pickup instructors are essentially relying on their good looks for in-field demonstration. Worse, they are inculcating students with a steady stream of half-baked “inner game” motivational shibboleths that do them absolutely no good when face to face with women. And they are slowly getting away from teaching the routines, tactics, logistics, psychological ploys and body language improvements that are at the heart of seduction.

My advice to the seduction community, and take this advice in the generous spirit it is given, is to get back to the basics. That means returning to the *science* of seduction, and abandoning the nebulous *art* of seduction. Natural game is a fool’s errand destined to fail for all but… well… naturals. There’s a reason I frequently cite Mystery’s original masterpiece “The Mystery Method”. Its routines may be dated, its focus too club-oriented, and its acronyms nerdy, but word for word it is the best compendium and most effective strategy sheet for meeting, seducing, and fucking women hotter than what you are accustomed to fucking. An example from my own life: During a two year stretch when I was using almost TO THE LETTER what I learned from Mystery Method and online forums to seduce women, I banged more babes than I did at any other time of my life.

My advice to potential students of seduction seminars and workshops: Save your money. There is too much chaff to separate from the few precious kernels of wheat. If you must spend exhorbitant fees on a questionable product, do your research first. That means actually talking to students who have taken the classes which interest you. In fact, if any of you have taken workshops and gone in field with pickup instructors I am offering you the opportunity to guest post on my blog with reviews of your experiences. Knowledge is power.

Natural game is dead. Long live artificial game.

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Discovering A Girl’s Soul With One Simple Question

I’ve written before on the practical importance of screening girls for their worthiness as long term sex partners and as a sly game tactic for making yourself seem choosier to a woman you are trying to pick up. I will now share with you a question I ask girls I have been dating for a few weeks that has served me well as a psychological dissection tool for determining a woman’s true personality and value system. This sort of knowledge is invaluable because it offers the time-pressed player a quick and dirty shortcut for teasing out overall compatibility with a woman. If you have the near-telepathic power to discover LTR incompatibility early on, then you will be in a position to withhold investing too much of your resources in a woman while still enjoying sexing her. An analogy would be to renting a beach home versus building your own beach home (minus insurance). If you knew ahead of time that a hurricane would hit one year from now and wash away to the sea all your hard work, would you bother building it? Or would you decide it’s better to just rent a beach home on a seasonal basis, or maybe look for a different beach to plunder?

This is the question I ask women:

“Imagine you could only go to one of two places for vacation. One place is Spain, where you will enjoy coffee at sidewalk cafes while people watching, lounging on beautiful beaches under a warm sun, visiting cultural landmarks and museums, and dancing and drinking away the night in exciting clubs. You ride up and down narrow streets on a scooter, eating the best food Spain has to offer and learning to speak a few words of Spanish. The other place is Antarctica (Or Patagonia or Tibet. Season to taste.), where you will be alone with the wonder and power of the natural world, your breath taken away by awesome sights and incredible wildlife, giant glaciers loom over you and the rocky beach is filled with penguins and elephant seals. You are at one with nature, your stress melting away, and you feel alive. Which vacation do you choose?”

How a girl answers this question will reveal a lot more about her than simply what she enjoys doing on vacation. Note that the trick is to emphasize the positive aspects of each vacation destination. You want her to make her choice in a happy frame of mind, free of negative associations. Pay attention, because her answer — and the follow-up questions you will ask, such as “How does that make you feel?” — will tell you a lot about how she approaches everything in life, including relationships and men.

Here is what I have learned:

If the girl answers “Spain”…

• She is likely to be a status whore
• She is likely to do hard recreational drugs, or think about doing them
• She will be high maintenance
• She likes to dress in sexy clothes
• Her shoes are plentiful and nonfunctional
• She is a raving liberal who loathes rules, timetables, and schedules
• She is spontaneous
• She is flaky
• She is generous of spirit
• She will go out of her way to make sure everyone is having fun
• She is malleable
• She is dependent
• She is admiring
• She is exasperating
• She is a drama queen
• She wants kids, eventually
• She likes cats
• She generally likes people
• She is whimsical
• She is a glib optimist
• She frets
• She cries
• She will expect you to pay
• She loves shopping, especially on your dime
• She cares what kind of car you drive, the shoes you wear, the TV you own
• She will love getting jewelry from you
• She has a lot of superficial yenta screechaholic friends and gay boyfriends
• She prefers making love whenever and wherever the mood strikes
• She is pro-PDA
• She is an attention whore
• She is an incorrigible flirt
• She gets turned on when you ignore her
• She just wants a man who will understand her
• She is more aroused by a man’s social status than by his charm or looks
• She is extraverted
• She hates hates hates betas
• She loves badboys
• She desperately, secretly wishes to submit to a dominant man, in all ways and at all times
• She is more like her mother than her father
• She was popular in high school
• She lost her virginity later in life than you would think
• She is not particularly adventurous, but she is silly fun
• She is a party girl
• She is afraid of food
• She has an anal fixation
• She huffs lurid gossip
• She’ll keep you guessing
• She is ultrafeminine
• She might cheat and you will find out
• She has an STD and will deny if you ask
• She will heal or she will break your heart

If the girl answers “Antarctica”…

• She won’t care very much what you do for a living or how much you make
• She has smoked pot and prefers beer to cosmos
• She will be low maintenance
• She won’t dress sexily very often, and when she does it will seem unnatural on her
• Her shoes are few and functional
• She is a raving liberal who loves rules, timetables, and schedules
• She is a planner
• She is intractable
• She is selfish at heart
• She will go out of her way to make sure she is having fun
• She is set in her ways
• She is independent
• She is circumspect
• She is reliable
• She is serenity now
• She is often adamant about not wanting kids
• She likes dogs
• She generally hates people
• She is grounded
• She is a cynical fatalist
• She compartmentalizes
• She snarks
• She will almost always pay half, without hesitation
• She hates shopping, and has few yuppie possessions
• She hates materialism and prefers items with “character” instead of “price tag”
• She will love getting homemade cards from you
• She has no gay boyfriends and the few friends she has are nerdy
• She prefers making love in the bedroom
• She is anti-PDA
• She avoids drawing attention to herself
• She doesn’t know how to flirt
• She gets annoyed if she thinks you aren’t listening to her
• She just wants a man who will respect her
• She is more aroused by a man’s personality and looks than by his social status
• She is introverted
• She tolerates betas
• She is wary of badboys
• She hates controlling men, but will often wish a man would take the initiative and lead instead of her doing it all the time
• She is more like her father than her mother
• She was invisible in high school
• She lost her virginity earlier in life than you would think
• She is adventurous, but not silly fun
• She is a spiritual girl
• She loves eating
• She has an oral fixation
• She relishes moments of solitude and silence
• She’ll keep you wondering if you can do better
• She has some masculine personality traits
• She might cheat and you won’t find out
• She has an STD and will admit it if you ask
• She will heal or she will break your soul

Analyze these two lists. Which girl would you prefer to date long term? Which girl do you believe best complements your lifestyle and values? As you can see, both types of women have their advantages and disadvantages. Which advantages are more important to you and which disadvantages you despise more than the others will depend on what kind of man you are and how well you can tolerate shortcomings in the women you choose to bless with the pleasure of your company.

It’s too bad you can’t find all the positives with few of the negatives of these two lists in the same girl. I have searched near and far for such an exquisite creature but my efforts to date have been fruitless. Or perhaps my standards are extraordinarily high. Either way, my standards aren’t budging, so the search continues… joyfully.

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Cousin Banging

Reader “Billy Ray Cyrus” emailed me:

I want to bang my cousin. Why? Same reason mounteneers [sic] want to climb Everest. Fortunately, she’s about my age (21) and on the loose side. Would I game her the same way as any other girl?

Godspeed,

Billy

I’ve never been sexually attracted to any of my female cousins, though a girl I am dating does kind of look like one of my cousins, which disturbs me greatly. And there was that one time I caught myself platonically admiring a cousin’s ample ta tas.

Fortunately for you, sir, banging a cousin means half your work is already done. Rapport has been built over many years, so you can dispense with that part of gaming her. What you need to do is similar to what a beta orbiter who’s been perpetually LJBF’ed by the pedestal of his dreams needs to do — namely, you’ve got to get your cousin to begin visualizing you as a monster cock penetrating her genetically related hole instead of as a relative to confide in nonsexually. For starters, I’d blow her off a few times, just to get her wondering if your mood about her is changing.

Then, when a month or two of noncommunication has passed, call her at midnight and invite her to stargaze on a Morgantown hilltop. When she’s there, tell her you’ve got a gym bag full of Ketel One airplane bottles to finish off. Once drinking, she’s going to talk about the usual shit; you’ll want to be on guard for any asexual movement in the conversation, and cut it off before the moment is destroyed. Continually hint at sexual themes, but frame it so that you are discussing sexy topics brought up by third parties, or having to do with you and “some girl I like”. Watch her eyes; if she looks away from you to the side a lot, she’s uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. If her eyes glow with the fires of a thousand burning loins, that’s your cue to brush your hands lightly across her various erogenous zones. Let a finger linger just above her thong line.

Your game should be strictly A2-A3 and S1-S3 (see: Mystery Method). You can skip A1 (she’s already attracted to you on a subconscious primal level, thanks to the genes you share), and C1-C3 (you already know her values and she knows yours). In A2, you’ll want to amp the cocky&funny and the push-pull.  After you touch a sensitive part of her body, push her away and make some distance between yourselves on the damp grass. Then scoot back over to her. Do this over and over, until her emotions are an out of control roller coaster plummeting up and down the lubechute of her quivering vagina.

In A3, you’ll want to heavily qualify her. She needs to earn your consanguinous seed. Examples of good qualifying lines to use on a cousin include:

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
“Have you ever broken a taboo and been glad you did?”
“What’s your dirtiest, most secret fantasy you would never tell anyone except someone you really trusted?”
“The fact that we know each other means nothing to me. What else do you have?”
“Prove to me you’re not like all those boring girls I know.”

In general, you want to favor making statements with women instead of asking questions. But since she is your cousin who knows you well and not some random chick you just met who crashed the family greased pig chase, you can ask lots of qualifying questions without DLVing yourself.

Good luck!

******

Reader Mark emailed:

Help.

How does a guy shake a girl who is using one word game, but still replying in like 2 seconds.  I’m spacing my texts appropriately.

Damn, I feel your confusion. A woman’s best game tactic is stealing a page from the men’s playbook. They re-flip the script. Usually, when a girl is dropping one word game on a man it means she is either not very interested and just using the tepid banter for quick n’ dirty validation, or she’s interested but only knows how to game back. Girls who vigorously game men are often sluts who have been burned (sometimes literally in the nether region by assorted virii) by alphas in their pasts. Do you really want to cavort with such cheap strumpets? Of course you do.

Recall Poon Commandment V:

V. Adhere to the golden ratio

Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas. Refraining from reciprocating everything she does for you in equal measure instills in her the proper attitude of belief in your higher status. In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.

This means that for every one word text she sends you, you return one half of a text. So, for example, if she sends you this text:

“Yeah!”

you reply:

“?”

Other examples:

HER: “Okay!”
YOU: “Coo”

HER: “Nice”
YOU: “Meh”

HER: “:)”
YOU: “:”

HER: “Cya!”
YOU: “*” (This is the international text symbol for anal sex.)

If you’re unsure how to reply, your best bet is radio silence. Let her one word text dangle in the electric ether, like a has-been attention whore forever in search of a “YEAH BABY!” from a drunk frat boy. A lot of girls will game you with tactics such as the one word text for the sole purpose of eliciting a cunthungry reaction from you. It’s what I call “beta bait”. You chomp down, and you’ve revealed your beta bona fides. You should get into the habit of punishing girls who run one word game on you by running one stroke sex on them.

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