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Archive for the ‘Game’ Category

Alpha Body Language

In my view, and in the view of much of the seduction community, the single biggest factor of early game success is body language. Women react viscerally to a man’s strong body language before he has said one word. The way he walks toward her, the way he smiles, the way he stands. It strikes me that the reason this is so is because it is harder to fake the subtle indicators of alphaness with your body than it is with your words. Women have evolved to be perceptive of a man’s emotional state and body language is the physical manifestation of inner game, so that’s what women key in on first.

I have written some posts on how to spot beta body language and how to mimic alpha body language. One of the most important points I have made is that it is imperative you avoid jerky, reactive movements. Well, the science is rolling in and, unsurprisingly to anyone who has lived a day in his life and finds corroborating evidence in what I write, the conclusions are vindicating my worldview.

Wimps have rapid reaction times

OREGON, U.S.: Unfit or weak people react sooner to sounds of approaching danger than strong, healthy people – which may be an evolutionary adaptation to allow them a larger margin of safety, says a new study.

Test subjects listened to a sophisticated sound system that mimicked an approaching object, explained John Neuhoff, an evolutionary psychologist at the College of Wooster in Ohio, U.S., and co-leader of the study.

The ‘virtual object’ sounded like a motorcycle passing on a highway, approaching the subject at 15 m/s and then whizzing past them. The subjects were asked to hit a key when they thought the sound was right in front of them.

Fitness was measured by two variables: heart rate after a bout of moderate cardiovascular exercise and muscular power, measured by the strength of their hand grips. […]

“It’s beneficial [for the weaker] to react sooner rather than later,” said Neuhoff. “The cost of responding too early is far less than the potentially fatal cost of responding too late.”

Corollary: It’s beneficial for the stronger to take their sweet time reacting to events. Not because it will lessen his chances of getting killed (mauled or bludgeoned in the ancestral environment), but because women are wired to associate a calm demeanor and stoic repose with an alpha male she wants to fuck.

Women typically responded sooner than men, who on average are physically stronger.

This is evidence that beta males behave more like women than men. No wonder they get LJBFed.

Here is another study proving the efficacy of my body language advice.

Women become less choosy when they, rather than men, move from table to table. […]

A study in Psychological Science points out that chivalric behaviour created by the speed-dating experience may be skewing the data.

Normally in speed dating, men walk around a room and visit a succession of seated women for mini dates just a few minutes long. Later, the participants note down whom they would like to meet again. If there is a match, the organizers help the people to get in touch. Psychologists have found that although men choose, on average, half of the women present, women choose to see only a third of the men again.

This isn’t really a surprise. Among animals, females are usually the picky ones, because they make the larger reproductive investment. However, the new research, by Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick, social psychologists at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois, demonstrates that tinkering with the speed-dating format alters human behaviour, dramatically changing the outcome. […]

The researchers established 15 speed-dating events for 350 young adults. During eight events, men rotated around the seated women, and during seven events, women moved between seated men. When men rotated, men said yes 50% of the time and women said yes 43% of the time. However, when women rotated, the trend for higher female selectivity vanished, with men saying yes 43% of the time while women said yes 45% of the time.

I have long contended that one of the reasons speed dating sucks (besides the surfeit of cougars) has to do with the retarded system organizers use requiring men to be the ones to switch tables while the women remain seated. This dynamic creates the impression that the men are slabs of meat in a butcher’s display case that women casually browse for the choicest cuts. It exacerbates an already lopsided intrinsic mating market mechanism.

The researchers think the reason for this phenomenon is related to embodiment — the idea that physical actions can alter perception. Pulling something closer makes the object being pulled more appealing, whereas pushing something away makes the object less desirable.

Finkel and Eastwick argue that approaching someone makes the mind want what it is approaching, because people are in the habit of moving towards objects that they want and moving away from objects that they don’t want.

Alpha body language, gentlemen. Learn it. It works and it’s a lot easier to integrate into who you are than is memorizing a long-winded routine. The above study proves that the ideal alpha position is back against the bar, looking outward and surveying your kingdom as girls approach from all directions. The study also reinforces the widely held PUA belief that indirect approaches are more optimal than direct approaches. Perhaps this is why the over-the-shoulder, “just passing through” approach coupled with a time constraint works so well. You are mimicking in vibe and energy, as best you can while in motion, the man sitting down at a speed dating event while rotating women walk up to his table to earn the pleasure of his company.

Body language tips

When a woman tries to get your attention, take a second longer to swivel your head to reply. The goal is to introduce a palpable, but not off-putting, tension to the interaction. In other words, make her sweat.

Keep your head cocked upward slightly. This will accentuate the heaviness of your brow ridge and the heft of your chin and jaw, both indicators of alpha testosterone levels. It also imparts you with a haughtiness that women find irresistible.

Scratch your balls in public once in a while.

If you say something stupid, goofy or impolite (hey, it happens) don’t backpedal or get flustered. Act as if nothing is wrong. Embarrassment is for the little people.

Be scandalous.

Rudely glance around the room every so often when a girl is talking to you.

Be inattentive. Betas focus like a laser beam when engaging a girl because she is the reason for his existence. Alphas exist for themselves.

Maxim #17: Be narcissistic. There is no greater divergence than that between a woman’s stated disapproval of male narcissism and the rapidity with which she jumps into bed with a male narcissist.

Keep a toothpick in your mouth if you don’t smoke.

Be judgmental. Say “Hm” and “I see” a lot when a woman talks to you, arching your eyebrows and frowning skeptically.

If a girl says something genuinely funny (rare, like a lunar eclipse), don’t boisterously laugh in appreciation. Snicker instead.

Be territorial. Spread those arms and legs out.

Learn to love the pregnant pause. When a girl shit tests you, don’t respond like a wind-up beta. Give her a blank, serial killer stare and wait… wait……. waiiiiit for it…. ANSWER! Wow, that was hot. I’m positive I just made a female reader squirm delightfully in her seat.

If you don’t have a witty answer ready for deployment, silence beats stilted conversation.

Lead with your crotch.

Don’t ever fall for the “tap on the shoulder” or the “something on your tie” gags.

Be imperious. The world is your harem.

Finally… use the power of your back. Turning your back on people who have displeased you is a great way to get them to qualify themselves. Girls will reopen. Guys will vamoose.

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In this post I asked where I went wrong.  Some of you got the right answer (and some of you — feministx, omw — were wide of the mark).

While I can’t go back in time and tap the neural network of the stripper I tried to bang to find out what she was thinking, I have a pretty good idea where I dropped the ball. Those who said I waited too long to leave the strip club and join her at the after hours bar were correct. When I arrived, she was sitting there looking annoyed.

G Manifesto, Challenge, and Chuck had excellent tactical suggestions (don’t order beer, offer a different venue to meet her, dress in custom tailored suit, etc.) but the game killer was the overplay of my aloof and indifferent hand. The Big Mo’ was lost.

Maxim #84: Respect the momentum.

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The Love Test: A Routine

A while back on this blog I mentioned in passing that I had a comfort building routine I use which isn’t, as far as I’m aware, especially well-known in the seduction community. The routine was given to me by a friend. Its effectiveness is without doubt; of all the women I’ve charmed with the love test, my bang rate is 90%. For a long while it was my go-to comfort stage routine; I was on auto-pilot when I used it.

Since I’m feeling generous I will share it with everyone here. Virginal routines that haven’t yet gone mainstream are worth their words in gold, so get on your knees and kiss my triskelion ring for this gift I give you. All I ask is that you don’t use the routine on girls if you happen to be in St Louis, Soweto, Prague, Warsaw, Toronto, or the Australian outback. It’s bad form to cross the streams.

As with all psychological routines designed to elecit an emotionally bonding reaction in a girl and to demonstrate your perspicacity, the way to segue into the love test without sounding a false note is to say “I can tell you something about yourself with a simple game”. Most girls, as long as you have built attraction with them, will bite at this delicious bait.

If you are a girl reading this post who remains unviolated by my tremendous manhood, you may want to give yourself this test before reading the answers. Just read the italicized parts and cover up the answers underneath with your hand.

The Love Test

You will ask the girl a series of six questions within a story in which she is presented with two choices as an answer for each question. She must choose one or the other, and she has to go with her gut. Remind her to answer quickly and to avoid lingering over a choice. At the end of the test, you will tell her what her answers reveal about herself.

“You have a lover, a man who is everything to you. He lives apart from you, but within walking distance. One day you decide to visit him. You have two paths you can take to get to his home. One is a short but boring path that will get you there quickly. The other is a long but scenic path with many beautiful sites that will take longer. Which do you take?”

If she answers “short”, this means she falls in love quickly. She is passionate and impulsive.
If she answers “long”, this means she takes a while to fall in love. She is circumspect and enjoys the buildup to falling in love.

“Along the path you come across rose bushes. The roses come in two colors — red and white. You decide you want to pick some roses for your lover. You are allowed to pick twenty roses of any combination of red or white. How many red and how many white roses do you pick?”

Red roses symbolize selflessness. A woman who picks more red than white roses is a giver in a relationship.
White roses symbolize selfishness. A woman who picks more white than red roses is a taker in a relationship.
[Editor’s note: You’d probably not be surprised how many women pick more white than red roses. This part of the test is a great screening mechanism for LTR material.]

“You arrive at your lover’s home and knock on the door. A family member opens the door. Do you ask to be let in so you can go to his room to see him, or do you ask the family member to bring him to the door?”

If she answers “ask to be let in”, she does not let arguments simmer in a relationship. She prefers having it out.
If she answers “bring him to the door”, she lets arguments slide and buries her anger. She avoids conflict and drama.

“You go up to his bedroom and he is not there. You want to leave the roses in his room. Do you leave them on his windowsill or on his bed?”

If she answers “windowsill”, she prefers more casual relationships where she doesn’t feel a need to see her lover very often.
If she answers “bed”, she prefers intense relationships where she sees her lover a lot.
[Editor’s note: Windowsill girls are cheap dates.]

“Your lover returns and you two spend the night together making sweet sweet sex. You both fall asleep and in the morning you wake up first. You lean over to his side of the bed to see if he is awake. Is he awake or still sleeping?”

If she answers “awake”, she is the type of girl who will try to change her man into her image of the perfect boyfriend.
If she answers “asleep”, she loves her man just the way he is, flaws and all.

“It’s the end of the day and time for you to say goodbye to your lover and go home. As before, you are presented with two paths to get home — a long but scenic path and a short but boring path. Which path do you take?”

If she answers “long”, she takes a long time to fall out of love. Breakups are hard on her. She is given to nostalgia and reminiscence. She is a natural romantic.
If she answers “short”, she falls out of love quickly. Breakups are short, sharp affairs that she gets over in no time and with little handwringing. She is a natural slut.

***

I remember this one particularly aggro lawyerchick I ran the love test on. These were her answers:

  1. long
  2. all white
  3. asked to be let in
  4. windowsill
  5. awake
  6. short

I enjoyed making her wince with pain during anal sex.

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This is the story of the time I attempted to pick up a stripper while she was working her shift at a gentlemen’s club. I failed at this attempt. As you read my story, try to figure out where it went wrong.

***

I showed up with two buddies. We went to the upper floor where the crowd is usually less raucous at strip clubs than on the ground floor. The waitress sat my friends at a table while I grabbed a stool at the small bar and sat there. The bar was closer to the stage my target would be dancing on, about fifteen feet off, but not so close that I would be obligated to watch her dance and feed her singles.

I knew my target peripherally. She was an acquaintance of a friend. We had briefly crossed paths at a party once, but I was dating someone seriously at the time and didn’t bother making an obvious move on her. But I had flirted and she had reciprocated my flirting. At the strip club, I did not expect her to recognize me, and even if she did I figured she wouldn’t come running over to say “Hi” because most strippers don’t like to mix “real world” with “writhing naked on a stage world”.

I ordered my drink ($10 Miller Lite) and chatted with the female bartender. I made sure not to look over at the stage for longer than a glance and kept my attention focused on the bartender and a dancer who had come by to join our conversation. I was the only man sitting at the bar. The rest were gathered in semi-circles around the two stages admiring the dancers like live artwork. Every couple of minutes one of the guys would stand and march toward the stage for extra special attention in the form of the girl waving her crotch inches from his face. The herbier guys would say “thank you” and put the singles in her garter or even in her hand, as if giving her a present. The rougher looking guys would smirk and put the singles in their mouths and the girl would pull the bills out with her cleavage or ass crack.

My target, Redbush, came up behind me and warmly said hi. She did recognize me. She was one of those girls who looks radically better with makeup and wearing little clothing.

After brief intros, I mentioned that I was there for a bachelor party but that this scene isn’t normally my thing. She noticed my bold pinky ring and asked me about it. Strippers are drawn to shiny happy things like petite pierced noses to coke lines, so I made sure to wear a lot of peacocking jewelry that night.

“Where’d you get that ring? It looks cool.”

“An ex gave it to me. Supposedly the ring signifies some kind of secret club that all ballet dancers belong to. I never gave it back after we broke up because I think it looks good on me.”

She pressed her index finger and thumb around my ring and giggled. I told her to be careful, it has special powers that cause girls to obsess over me. I then ran a pre-Style original ring routine on her. It was not as refined as Style’s version would be, but it got the job done. Her eyes glittered with attraction. I mentioned that of the two of us, I was sporting the hotter jewelry, and proved this by putting my ring against her necklace. This maneuver gave me an opportunity to break the physical barrier, not the easiest thing to do when your target is a stripper in the middle of her shift.

We talked for about ten minutes, then she said it was her turn to dance and I should come over to watch. She pointed at the stage she would soon be gyrating on. I nodded and flashed my patented half-smirk. Patented, folks.

Naturally I would not be going over to the stage like every other hard up loser. Although the girls are the ones naked before the men, they have all the power. This is something feminists don’t understand, but then feminists aren’t very smart. Walking over to the stage to watch her dance and give her dollars would have been the equivalent of neutering myself and dangling the detached sack from her rearview mirror like lucky dice. I stayed put at the bar and turned my back on Redbush, only looking over for a second to smile at her. She had a pretty vagina, her labia just the right size (no more than a 1/4 inch extended outward and right and left lobe symmetrical) and her sensibly trimmed pubes as bright red as her hair.

It is erotically electrifying to experience the juxtaposition of the nakedness of a girl you have just been talking with in a normal manner while she was partially clothed. It’s similar to how a businesswoman walking crisply down the street could blow your mind if she pulled you into an alley and ripped off her starched blouse and skirt.

After her dance, she walked up behind me, panties and bra back on, and put her hand on my shoulder.

“You didn’t see me dance! I was right over there.”

“Oh, wow, I missed it. Guess I was wrapped up in the fun over here.”

“Hey, my shift ends soon. I’ll be next door at the pub if you want to stop by for a drink.”

“Sounds good.”

She disappeared. I remained at the bar for another half hour, enjoying the anonymity of the new dancers who had just taken the stage. After a couple of Miller Lites and not one single dollar spent on a dancer, I told my buddies I was heading over to the pub to meet one of the strippers for a nightcap. I didn’t want them coming with me because I knew at that late hour the pub would not have enough female patrons to occupy my friends. They would be reduced to hovering around me and my stripper.

At the pub, she was sitting alone against the bar, sipping (chugging really) a draft beer. I sat next to her. The music was loud, and made louder by the emptiness of the bar. I counted six people, including us and the doorman. She wasn’t smiling. A blue funk had draped down her face. Perhaps she was tired. We made some small talk, but it felt like too much work. The words, the fun, the smiles, weren’t coming as effortlessly. I felt myself chasing her response, initiating every new topic to draw her into our little bubble of love.

The doorman whisked by us and she talked with him for a few seconds. He left, and she turned to me. “I’m going to go now.” She eked out a wan smile, abruptly twisted her hips, and marched out the door. I never saw her again.

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When you start getting good with women — that is, when you begin noticing their eyes light up when you talk rather than their eyes avert looking for the nearest exit — your biggest obstacle (besides logistics) won’t be your lack of game; it will be too much of your game. It is very easy to overqualify yourself to women because once you see with your own eyes how powerfully game works you will have a natural inclination to press your full court advantage beyond its usefulness. And because we have a human tendency toward too much of a good thing, you will often lose women in set and have no clue why, and thus no handle on how to refine your game. Overqualification is like blood pressure, the hidden disease that slowly kills your success as a player. You hardly recognize when it is happening.

One thing you learn over the years hunting the vast pink veldt for fresh pussy is how much more sensitive than men are women to being underqualified to a prospective mate. In fact, science has shown that couples are happier in relationships in which the man is less attractive than the woman. It makes sense, then, that a man whose game comes on too strong could ping a woman’s “cad” radar and convince her that he is too risky as a long term prospect.

How will you know when you’ve overqualified yourself? It’s a tough call. The signals are so subtle you’ll need lots of experience to know when to dial down your game. A few pointers:

Is she nervously checking out other women while you’re gaming her? She’s worried at the amount of female attention you receive and how well she can keep your attention.

Is she displaying particularly nervous or bashful body language? She thinks your high value is such that her less-than-perfect body can’t measure up to the types of female bodies she assumes you are used to bedding.

Does she suddenly get defensively snippy for no apparent reason? She’s crouched into a face-saving posture and her ego has taken over her emotions. Lawyer cunts are especially prone to this behavior.

Does she half-jokingly say things like “You’re probably like all the other guys. You won’t call.” or “Promise you’ll call?” A girl who believes she’s in your league won’t resort to airing her doubts out loud.

Does she put herself down? She’s fishing for compliments because she wants reassurance that you really think she is cute.

Does she accuse you of being a player or a heartbreaker? This is typically a shit test, but remember, buried in every shit test is a corn kernel of truth. If she says it, she’s thinking it. You’ll need to parry her test without sounding too beta. Best answer: “I used to be something of a player I guess, but those days are behind me now.”

***

Here are some tips for keeping your game in check and avoiding overqualification:

  • Psychological routines like the Cube or palm reading are great, but don’t run more than one in a night. Spread out your best material over a few dates. It’s easy to club a woman over the head with routines.
  • Tone down the cocky funny. Don’t neg her more than once, and don’t neg a 6.5 or below unless you are an ugly man.
  • Don’t get too seductive on the first meet. Save the bedroom eyes when you have her in a private place.
  • Don’t make out with her too passionately on the first meet. Exquisitely tempting lip brushes and dances of the tongues are better day 2 tactics, after rapport has been established.
  • Don’t hit on another girl immediately after getting her number. Give it room to breathe, soldier.
  • Don’t sound too “polished”. Say something stupid or goofy once in a while, so that she can make fun of you.
  • Expose a vulnerability. Alpha dominance is best served with a garnish of endearing flaws.
  • When you number close, say “I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

If you leave a woman feeling like you may have overqualified yourself, there is a last-ditch maneuver you can do which will lessen the odds that she will withdraw from your pursuit. I have tried this on girls I thought were withdrawing from me because they were afraid I was out of their league. If a girl is making it difficult for you to set up a second date, or she doesn’t respond promptly to your flirty trial texts, and you think it might be because she has pegged you as too alpha for her pay grade, send the following text after a few days of radio silence:

“Please no gameplaying.”

In three little words you have just allayed any fear she may have harbored about the strength of your interest in her, while exposing a delicious vulnerability of the sort that women LOVE to discover in dominant men. If she likes you, she will reply to this text instantly, usually with something like “I hate gameplaying too.” Carry on, my wayward PUA.

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Women are not special little snowflakes in either the vaginas they possess or the insecurities which burden them. Women mostly share the same self-doubts: “I’m fat”, “I’m past my prime”, “He doesn’t appreciate me for my mind”, “He’s going to use me”, “OMG cankles!”, “My boobs are small/saggy/veiny/covered by an acre of areola”, “I hope guys can see how smart — SMRT smart! — I am”, “I hope he doesn’t think I’m a slut”, “She’s wearing the same shirt as me! Panic at the disco!”, etc etc.

You mission, should you refuse to be weighed down by useless pangs of guilt, is to make a woman’s insecurities your ally in the pursuit of closing the deal. You want to drive a wedge between her and her self-confidence. The reason is elementary: Women wish to date up. So a man can either raise his own status to appeal to the girl he is trying to pick up (see: Game, medical school), or he can lower the girl’s status so his status seems higher in comparison (see: Game, Skittles Man). He can also do both, but this might be overkill on women who are less than an 8. The last time I exercised both options on the same woman, it was with regular reader and bean diddler Sara, and you all can see the results of that in the comments.

Women are the gatekeepers to sex, but what exactly is the gate? It’s her self-perceived status relative to yours. Or, her beauty. Quite simply, if a woman perceives she is more beautiful than the kind of woman you can be expected to snag, she will give you a harder time than she would to a higher value man who looked and acted like the sort of man used to dating women of her beauty caliber. This dynamic also works with status metrics like educational attainment, because women project their desires onto men and assume men will up- or downgrade them on things that are important to women. We know better, of course.

Men have two intrinsic playing field advantages in the sexual marketplace. One, men have a longer window of sexual desirability. A typical 35 year old man has better prospects than a typical 35 year old woman. He won’t need to settle as far down the mate ladder as she will. Two, men can better withstand blows to the ego. We are designed to take a licking and keep on ticking, as we are, barring rare exceptions, the initiators of courtship. If you want to bang hotter women than you are accustomed to, you must leverage both of these advantages to the maximum.

Knowing this, you can easily improve your odds with any woman by subtly exposing her insecurities using the implements of psychological mindfucking. The trick is to avoid direct assault on her soft underbelly. You don’t tell a girl “I like your low rider jeans, but aren’t you worried that it accentuates your muffin top?” No, you need to breach her defense perimeter indirectly, like a Trojan horse:

“I’m sort of an exercise buff, so I appreciate a woman who feels the same way about keeping fit.”

Any woman with fat issues will hear this: “Does he think I’m not into keeping fit? Are my belly rolls undulating??”

More examples of the art of exposing female insecurities:

Use on a girl who looks like she might be self-conscious about her boobs: “Yeah, fake boobs are weird. If only women knew that most men prefer real, firm, round boobs.”

Use on girls pushing up against 30: “I think younger women are overrated. Sure, they have great figures and are spontaneous and always up for fun, but their lack of… maturity… can get tiresome after a while.”

Use on girls who have a slutty past (thanks to me, you’ll be able to tell) and are worried about being pigeonholed as a one night… hole: “Most guys are too judgmental about a woman’s life choices. I don’t believe in that. Only weak people feel a need to live according to other people’s expectations.” (Irony intended.)

Use on girls who are insecure about their smarts: “I just finished reading Joyce, but I’m not going to bother you with that. It’s a little high brow.”

Use on girls who are insecure about being perceived as high maintenance: “You like playing frisbee? Funny, I never would have taken you for the down to earth type.”

Use on girls who have bad fashion sense and worry about it (*every* girl worries about how she dresses): “I think it’s refreshing that you’re secure enough to wear flip-flops without irony. Not every girl cares about keeping up with the latest trends.”

Note for the haters: If my experience is any guide, women of high self esteem will fold like cheap lawn chairs to ego-evisceration game even quicker than putatively low self esteem women. Especially the grad school and lawyer chicks.

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Hangover Game

A reader e-mailed me the following observation:

No game?

Go out, get drunk with your friends.

Wake up feeling like a bag of shit.

THEN go run your game.  I can’t believe I never noticed this.  I went drinking last night with a few buddies, got hammered and today felt like crap.  I went to the mall to get a Mother’s Day gift, and I tried to get a few things going with some sexy girls.  I’m at the mall so rarely so I try to take advantage of it.  I approached five girls and came away with two numbers.

Gaming girls when you’re hungover is pretty airtight, just make sure you shower and get dressed first, because you at least want to look presentable (I donned a typical jeans and t combo over black loafers with aviators up top) and not smell like a brewery.  When you’re hungover, you don’t give a fuck, you feel like shit, your movements are slow, your voice is in a lower register and you feel too crappy to put up a false facade of happiness when some little hottie is talking to you.  In other words, hangovers make you more aloof, less caring, more alpha.

Looking back on those times when my pickup attempts intersected with my hangovers, I have to say this sounds right. There is gold to be mined in hangover game. The reader hit upon the main reason hangover game works — it turns you into a surly asshole.

What do you get when you take a man and deepen his voice, slow down his movements, remove all semblance of a smile, infuse him with a don’t-give-a-fuck attitude, and prop dark sunglasses on his raccoon eyes? You create a pussy magnet.

Suggestion: There is a fine line between hungover zombie and homeless bum, so shower off the stank and brush your teeth before heading out into the painfully bright sunlight.

Another solid game tactic is “Day Drinking Game”. On warm weekends, I like to sit outside on the patio with my buddies at my favorite bars and drink cheap beer, achieving a slow buzz and keeping it there as long as possible without tipping over into full blown drunkenness. This is known as the “European way”. Then I run day game. Twenty-two Yuenglings on a hot, humid August day will make you irresistible to the ladies. No joke. Have gum ready.

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