When It Goes South

You can’t expect to sleep with every girl you decide to approach. Even though I’m batting .998, I understand that we don’t live in a perfect world. There will be times when a girl won’t win me over and I’ll have to chalk it up as an anomaly. When a conversation goes south your first instinct will often be the wrong one. After a crash and burn, many guys will awkwardly stand idly around the uncomfortable girl, looking dazed and confused. Other guys will lash out. Some will display beta body language as they meekly excuse themselves. Still others will freeze up, hoping for rescue by a wingman or tornado warning.

When a girl has failed your screening, your reaction should depend on the circumstances in which you first opened or approached her.

• You walked up to her from across the room

The worst thing you can do is hover around her, like an orbiting chunk of beta space debris, as she unceremoniously turns her back on you. I can’t think of a situation that would make your value plummet any faster, except maybe sharting yourself in public and then crying as someone hands you a wet nap.

Solution: Walk away if no one else you can talk to is nearby. But do it slowly and deliberately. Scooting off like a golfer running for shelter in a storm exposes your shame and urge to find relief. If you had a tail, it would be between your legs. Walking away slowly, head up back straight, shows you are unaffected by the tension. If there’s another girl nearby you’d like to talk to, do that instead. Nothing is more alpha in the face of a crash and burn than turning around to start an animated conversation with another girl. There’s no more effective way to say “I JUST DON’T GIVE A SHIT”.

Problems to look out for: If your failed pickup attempt was seen by other girls there is a risk the perception of betaness will infect them like a social virus. Girls are highly attuned to the body language of other girls, so if your target turns cold and crosses her arms any other girls who witnessed it will automatically lower your value, making further pickups in the same place more difficult. Realistically, though, most girls will be absorbed in their own conversations and won’t notice. If you’re worried about it, approach your next girl on the other side of the room. Eventually, your approaches should follow a pattern resembling a game of Pickle.

• She sat down next to you

She’s on your turf, so all the power rests with you.

Solution: Relax, do nothing. If she fails to impress you, the burden is entirely on her to alleviate her discomfort by either moving away or dealing with it. There is no loss of value if you hold your ground.

Problems to look out for: If you’re sitting alone, and she’s with a large group of people having a good time, your manly presence will shrink in comparison. Sometimes it’s intriguing to be that solitary mysterious cool lone wolf; sometimes it’s not.

• You’re with a group and she happened to be standing nearby

Walking away is unnecessary in this situation, since your friends are right there to return to after a bad opening.

Solution: Swing right around and go back to talking with your friends. Make a game of it! Loudly proclaim, being sure she can overhear, how badly she failed to make a love connection with you and ask your friends for a group hug. Announce with exaggerated drama that you don’t know how you will be able to move on.

Problems to look out for: Your drunk friend decides to re-open the girl you just bombed with and drags her uncomfortably back into the fray.

• You approached her in a store or on the street

Any failed pickups in public are easily resolved. Just go back to whatever you were supposedly doing. It will be entirely plausible.

Solution: If you hit on her in the museum and the conversation fizzled, walk away to admire another painting. If you hit on her in Beadazzled pretending to look for beads to make a bracelet for your little niece (not that I’ve ever done anything like that) resume a look of concentration and go back to shopping for beads.

Problems to look out for: None. Failed public approaches have almost zero consequences.

• She’s the bartender at your favorite bar

Dangerous. Either fuck her or don’t return until you can parade another chick in front of her.

Solution: If you really flame out, you may have to avoid the bar for a while. Otherwise, be cheeky about it and ask her, since you’re a solid customer with a track record of generous tipping, if she can be your wingwoman for that cute girl sitting on the other side of the bar.

Problems to look out for: Making the male bartenders jealous.

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Kiss Close In Front Of Her Friends

It’s not a good idea to have extended makeouts with girls in dark, grimy, loud bars and clubs the first night you meet them unless you calculate that you have a good chance to take them home that night. Too much making out, followed by an anti-climactic number close, then a long walk home without you by her side will actually increase the odds that the girl will flake when you call her two days later.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t kiss a fresh prospect at all. Kissing a girl on the same night you approach her creates a strong bond that words alone can’t achieve. You just have to do it sparingly, and always be the one to break off the kissing. Try to minimize tongue action, even if she initiates tongue probing. Keep your kisses gentle and short; don’t engulf her mouth like a horny leech. Stop after a few seconds to pull back, smile at her, then look down at your shoes and back up at her face. Glance around the room distractedly.

A very simple way to know if a girl is ready for you to kiss her is to lean into her ear as if you were going to tell her a secret, and if she doesn’t move her head backward and she lets your cheek rest flush against her cheek, you can pull back and safely go for it.

I was kissing a very tall cute girl at the bar of a trendy club in Adams Morgan, about 30 minutes after I had opened her. At one point, she said “Wow, we’re totally exposed here. Everyone can see us kissing.” But I knew, based on the fact that her eyes didn’t scan the room for people who might be watching us and instead stayed focused on me, that she didn’t really care if people saw us kissing. I didn’t assuage her fake concern: “I wish more people were watching us, I’ve always dreamed of being an exhibitionist.”

To build the tension, I made an excuse that I was going to see my friends and left her behind for a while. When I returned, her three girlfriends (it was a girls’ night out) were dancing and laughing with her. I walked up next to her, joined the fray, then pulled her in close and kissed her in front of her friends, before telling her I was leaving.

This was a risky gambit, because if she had flinched when I went for the kiss, it would’ve made me look very bad. But I knew I had built up sufficient comfort with her from over an hour of rapport. She returned my gentle kiss with equal passion. I figured that our kissing while her friends watched in plain view would greatly reduce the odds of a future flake. She would rationalize to herself: “If I let him kiss me in front of all my friends then I must really like this guy.” I’ve now made her friends my allies.

As I turned around to leave, she asked, “Hey you’re going to call me, right? Promise?”

It had worked.

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Snappy Retorts To Shitty Rejections

95% of the time when a girl spurns your advances she will do it in the mildest possible way, to spare feelings and to avoid angering a potentially unstable man (hopefully you, tiger!). But once in a while a really nasty bitch will let slip the shroud of politeness, revealing the scalding acid of true cuntiness underneath, and shoot you down harshly. When this happens, it is important to have a canned retort ready to fire back, or to rely on your innate wits if you have them, and completely shatter her expectation of your reaction.

Doing so affords you the opportunity to walk away with your dignity intact while getting in a dig at her expense and making her look the fool, or even better to reverse her shitty attitude 180 degrees into attraction for you.

Here are some excellent retorts you can toss out in response to commonly used bitchy rejections. Note: These are actual approach rejections that I have either experienced myself over the years or overheard being used on my wingmen.

• “Ugh, Im not interested.”

“So you’re not going to buy me a drink?”

“So you’re not going to move out of the way so I can talk to that girl over there/get a drink/say hi to your friend?”

“So you don’t want to be on Girls Gone Wild?”

• “Really, that’s the best you can do?”

“For now.”

“For you, nothing but my second best.”

• “Go away.”

“Actually, I came over here to tell you that guy over there [point to ugliest/fattest guy in the room] thinks you’re cute.”

“Whoa, I was gonna see if you were interested in my lesbian friend.” [This works surprisingly well because she’ll wonder why you thought she was gay.]

“Does this mean the wedding’s off? That’s too bad. I’ve been dreaming about my wedding day since I was two.”

• “That’s the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard.”

“And like a bad but catchy tune, you’ll remember it for days and hate yourself for it.”

“Oh believe me, there’s a lot worse where that came from. Consider yourself lucky.”

• “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“I would but you broke the lens.” [Be careful with this one. Best to deliver it way over the top like a teasing child.]

• “Whatever you’re going to say, it won’t work.”

“So there’s no chance you’ll do my laundry?”

“Actually, it already has.” [Walk away.]

“Who brought their little sister to the bar?”

• “I don’t want to be bothered.”

“The library’s down the street.”

• “I’m out of your league.”

“Not with those shoes you’re not.”

“The league of brattiness? Yes.”

• “I’m busy with my friends.”

“Plotting to get into my pants? I just look easy.”

***

Like a good boy scout, always be prepared.

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Reader Mailbag

I often get emails from readers asking me for advice on game, dating, or relationships (along with sexual proposals from female readers). I’m less than conscientious keeping up with these email requests so instead I’ll answer some of them on the blog.

Email #1

Hey! I’ve been reading the posts on your blog, very good advice especially on the “How to win back an ex-girlfriend“.

Well me and my girlfriend of 1 and a half years broke up a little over a week ago. It’s been killing me inside cause I didn’t see it coming – but now I realise that we got boring together and I’ve learnt what I need to do in the future to make it work.Now right after it happened I did all the wrong things for a day or two – called her, texted her, rocked up to her house with flowers – but once I did that I realised she just needs space so I left her alone from then. I told her on msn that I know she needs space and I shouldn’t have rocked up to her house, and that she can take all the space she needs.

About 5 days later (a week after we broke up), she texted me asking how I was going. I wrote back really positive, she replied saying “good for you, I’m feeling pretty shit, been going out late nights over the weekend, haven’t been getting much sleep”. I wrote back positive again, joking around that she usually sleeps like 20 hours a night, I asked her if she was working much these days. She wrote back “I haven’t worked at all which has made it go so much slower :(, I was out till 3am on thurs, 5am on fri, 3am on sat, just trying to keep myself busy cause I feel like shit”. I wrote back joking around saying that we both haven’t had the flu all winter and we’ll prolly get sick from these late nights, and that I’ve got my hair cut pretty short the other day, and at the end I asked if she would like to go for coffee some time.

It was probably too soon, I didn’t get a response from her, but she called me about 30 mins later. We spoke for about 15 mins (probably too long, iknow). She was telling me who she’d been out with the last few nights etc etc. I kinda kept what I was doing to myself. At the end of the call she had to go cause someone came in to the store, so she said she would call me back. Called me again about 1hr later, we talked for a little again, then someone came into the store, same thing. She called again an hour later and said she’d just gone impulse buying perfume and stuff etc. Then one of her friends came in to the store so she said she would call again.

She didn’t call again.

It’s been 2 days since then and I haven’t contacted her in over a week. Should I give it another 2 weeks before I initiate conversation?

I’m going out with the boys again this weekend, trying to get her off my mind, its really hard though. We used to talk like 4/5 times a day, saw eachother probably every day (it was too much at times, I’ve realised this now, but she was the one that wanted to see/talk all the time so it must be killing her inside too).

What should I do from here?

I eagerly await your response!
J.

Whenever a guy tells me he “didn’t see it coming” I know that means his girlfriend saw it coming six months before he did. She’s been doubting and scheming while you still thought the love was in full bloom. That’s why you’ve got to look for the warning signs earlier and make the necessary adjustments.

It’s good that you recognized your slavish neediness (rocking up to her house with flowers? oy vey), but you continued to do the wrong things even after backing off her. For instance, never tell a girlfriend who is growing cold that you know she needs space; simply give her the space and say nothing. Verbalizing her negative feelings towards you only reinforces them in her mind and sets you up as lower status. Your thinking should always be “She is lucky to be with me” and that way when she starts to drift you do the only sensible thing a higher status man would do: You stop giving her your time and go find other women who will give you the attention you deserve.

Staying positive in your text interactions was good, but you’d have been better not answering her texts at all, or at least answering a small fraction of her texts a day or two later. You responding right away to every text she sent with long-winded and pointless conversation tells her that she is still on your mind and you’ve got nothing else going on. Also, the “I feel like shit” line is a classic female pity ploy to see if she could still wrap you around her little finger, and you obliged. Next time, ignore those female head games or call her out for trying to pull that crap on you.

“It was probably too soon”. Yes, it was. Wait at least three weeks before attempting contact of any sort.

“We spoke for about 15 mins.” You’re giving her way too much of your time. Beta. When she calls after an ostensbile breakup intiated by her your conversation should go along these lines: “Hey nice to hear from you. Listen, I’m in a rush so we’ll have to catch up some other time.” End of phone call.

“She called again an hour later and said she’d just gone impulse buying perfume and stuff etc.” She’s telling you this and you’re patiently listening like you care. An alpha male doesn’t give a shit about the shopping habits of a girl who has stopped sexing him. Cut the convo short and hang the fuck up, your time is too valuable for the babblings of a manipulative ex-girlfriend who probably banged a dude five minutes after you called her.

“She didn’t call again.” No surprise here. She dumped you, and your post-dump actions simply confirmed her emotional decision.

“Should I give it another 2 weeks before I initiate conversation?” I’m afraid you shouldn’t give it any weeks. This one is a lost cause. You’ve dug the hole too deep for calculated absence to make any difference.

“it must be killing her inside too.” No, it’s not. Projection won’t make it all better.

“What should I do from here?” You have two choices as I see it. You can either drink yourself into oblivion and pass out in the fetal position on the floor of your bathroom barely summoning the strength to flick your tongue out to catch your salty tears for nourishment, or you can go out every night, with or without your boys, and strike up a conversation with any attractive women who interest you. The outcome of either decision will resolve itself.

“I eagerly await your response!” Eagerness is what cost you this girl. Now go, and sin no more, my son.

Email #2

SO its like this:I met this girl We got to talking likeing each other
it seemed and she was asking good questions that i
figured were important to her and i did likewise.
There were elements of interest that we were both
looking into a dare i say it relationship. well she
often accuses me of flirting which i think would have
been a good point of lettin her know my interest in
subtle ways i think. anyway, finally went to chill
with her, we were supposed to go out but i got there
and she was just casual. after a while chilling
talking laughing she is alluding she might not be into
relationship just seeing what happens. well i got
comfy with her and i saw gestures of let “get dirty”
which i didnt do. in long term serious relationships,
sex is not much what i want to get into right off the
back. anyway, went to see her again and she was all
closed up. folded arms and crossed legs. are my
chances ruined here? how can i respark. i need to get
her back to the point where she was comfortable and
thought she had something over me, how else woulkd she
want to get dirty. i mean my hand was over her crothc
but i didnt do much with it.

N.

Mistake number one: Talking about looking for a relationship. Listen, it doesn’t matter how much you and her agree on wanting a relationship, talking about it, especially on the first few dates, will assuredly kill the seductive vibe that is a necessary prerequisite for a relationship to happen in the first place. Girls want to EARN your love; they don’t want you throwing it out there and depriving them of the uncertainty that moistens their womanhood.

Maxim #21: Never talk about getting into a relationship even if the girl says that’s what she’s looking for.

If she’s accusing you of flirting, what she’s really saying is “I love when you flirt with me”. So take that as a good sign, and don’t get defensive or backpedal. Just nod and say with a smirk “I can tell you like it.”

“after a while chilling talking laughing she is alluding she might not be into relationship just seeing what happens.” She’s sensing your neediness which was probably triggered by your earlier confession of wanting a relationship. When a girl pulls back, you pull back twice as far.

“well i got comfy with her and i saw gestures of let “get dirty” which i didnt do.” She wanted to get physical and you either missed the signals or refused to give her what she wanted. She now thinks she is unattractive to you.

“in long term serious relationships, sex is not much what i want to get into right off the back.” This is a common misperception about sexual dynamics. Holding back will not ensure the development of a relationship, and getting physical early will not kill the chances of a relationship happening. In fact, just the opposite. Early, passionate sex is often the prelude to amazing long term relationships. How could it be otherwise when the two of you are highly attracted to each other?

“anyway, went to see her again and she was all closed up. folded arms and crossed legs.” You weren’t physical and you talked about a romantic relationship with her before you fucked her. What did you expect when you play the part of the girl? Your job as a man is to get into her panties, sooner rather than later. Leave the relationship hyperventilating to the girls.

“are my chances ruined here?” Yes. “how can i respark.” Re-woman.

“i mean my hand was over her crotch but i didnt do much with it.” What, were you using her crotch as an armrest? If she’s letting you do that, your next step should have been the bedroom. Epic fail.

***

I hope my Dr. Phil impersonation has been helpful. Reader Mailbag will be a regular feature here at Le Chateau.

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More Thoughts On The Poon Commandments

Some of my commenters on the Sixteen Commandments post seemed confused. I thought it would be a good idea to answer their objections.

II, keep her jealous, has to be done with care. Too much flirting with other women might lead her to dump you.
– Glorious Natural Pelt Guy

Obviously you don’t want to blatantly flirt with every women who crosses your path when your girlfriend/wife is with you. There are diminishing returns past a certain excessively slavish adherence to the commandments. Even super alphas can overplay their alpha cards. But you’d be surprised just how much you can get away with (and by “get away with” I mean “make your GF horny while she watches you flirt shamelessly with other women”).

they secretly love it when a man aggressively pursues what he wants and makes his sexual intentions known.

This is, BY FAR, the biggest mistake that men without game make.
– Usually Lurking

A man making his sexual intentions known does NOT mean going up to a random girl and asking if she wants to fuck. I should hope even gameless betas understand this basic concept.

One question: Any influence of age of the woman applicability?
– Anton

Only in degree, not kind. Of course, the closer she gets to hitting the wall, the less game you’ll need. Eventually, just showing up will suffice.

If a man’s Alpha enough to have a couple of women in “reserve” he doesn’t need any of this advice in the first place.
– GNP Guy again

He doesn’t need it because he already uses it. QED.

You’d figure that those commandments would be like a default behavior in all men, not just a province of skilled casanovas. And yet that’s not so. In fact, many — most — men take the exactly opposite approach. Why is that?
– PA

It’s an interesting question why the commandments behavior doesn’t come naturally to most men. It’s as if dressing provocatively, batting eyelashes, acting coy, and showing a little leg didn’t come naturally to women on the prowl. We know that isn’t true for the vast majority of women. All I know is if every man followed these precepts there’d be a lot more fucking in the world resulting in a lot more happy smiles on the faces of the sexually satisfied.

Not only the average guy, but no guy, can hold to these commandments at all times. Some are better than others, but everyone falls eventually.

Trying to follow these commandments is like trying to fight being human and actually feeling things. […] In an effort to fight your feelings, you have done something very “male”: tried to fix the problem.
– Tina Fey (AKA Lemmonex)

There’s no need to follow the letter of the biomechanical law every minute of every day. Simply adjusting his behavior and mental state by as little as 10% so that he acts more in alignment with his yang polarity can mean the difference between a breakup and relationship bliss. Falling once in a while is not the same as staying down, which is how many diehard betas live their lives.

Since men are the chosen in the mating dance, they have to be more aware of reality than do women. If men ignore reality, they risk involuntary celibacy. If a woman looks attractive (which is most of them during their prime fertile years), she can ignore reality to her heart’s content as unicorns and rainbows shower her in cellophane raindrops and still have suitors lined up around the block to fuck her. That is why men work to “fix the problem” where there is a problem. It isn’t a fight against his feelings, it’s an ENDORSEMENT of his feelings that he will do what it takes to satisfy his desires.

Don’t be surprised if tactics and manipulation attract the like.

Lastly, too concerned about alphaness = beta.
– Kay Gee

All goal-directed communication is manipulative. (Ask yourself: Is advertising evil?) The natural womanizer manipulates just as much as the beta spitting a routine in emulation of the natural. The difference is the natural does it instinctually. Manipulation doesn’t magically become noble just because it is done at the subconscious level, just like our immune system isn’t more noble than man-made synthetic drugs for fighting off illness. To wit: We are all being manipulated by our genes right now.

Re: too much concern about appearing alpha = beta. Natural alphas are very concerned about maintaining their status. They’re just better at coolly concealing it.

In fact, an alpha doesn’t have to fall in love to make himself look ridiculous. Just being too arrogant, and too eager for sex, even the casual kind, can lead him to serious humiliation.
– Clio

In opposition to your point, Clio, you have described a beta. An alpha knows not to be arrogant or overeager. And falling in love is not beta, but expressing feelings of love before the woman has made that leap for her man is courting with beta disaster.

I think broadly speaking he is correct in the wooing phase, but a lot of the rules will end in disaster if applied to a steady relationship. I think it’s telling that nearly all the PUA cannot maintain a relationship AND GET DUMPED. Something tells me that PUA stuff simply fails when applied to long-term relationships.
– Whiskey

Of the PUAs I know, many of them jump in and out of relationships because they like the variety. Fresh pussy is a potent addiction, and if you’ve got the skills to score it, you’ll be less inclined to strap yourself into a monogamous arrangement. Personally, I like the best of both worlds — love with an incredible woman spiced up by the occasional fling.

Men are if anything *more* emotional than women. But they are less expressive. This can paradoxically result in stronger emotions.
– MQ

Men have greater emotional peaks and valleys that often find articulation in physicality, as with impassioned fucking, fighting, and forging. Women have a steadier whitenoise hum of emotions at a higher baseline than men but with muted peaks and valleys. Women handle their emotional static by incessantly talking it out with whomever will listen, much like you would vent the pressure of a steam buildup by slowly turning the release valve. See: [REDACTED]. Or most female bloggers for that matter.

His commandments may be good for “poon” as the title states, but suck for how to “keep real, true unconditional love and happiness in your life” as the last sentence suggests. But what do I know? I’m just a girl.
– Hope (AKA The Putatively Rare Exception)

A woman’s psychological essence doesn’t radically change after she’s been with a man longer than three months. Her brain doesn’t rewire itself into a wholly new entity unrecognizable from the woman she was on the first date once she’s in a committed relationship. The differences between the sexes are binding, immutable core characteristics. What turns a woman on during the first few hours will turn her on in the tenth year. The commandments are equally effective for long term relationships and short term hookups. The only thing that differs is the intensity of commandment administration. If you don’t believe me, observe those men who do the exact opposite of all my commandments with the women in their lives, and watch as they rend their striped shirt garments in anguish wondering why they get jettisoned for less “virtuous” interlopers.

and ever since [my husband] started being more caring and affectionate…
– The Audacity of Hope

Being caring and affectionate and following my commandments are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they are mutually reinforcing. Think about it.

Playing games inside a marriage rather than just finding a suitable partner to begin with seems to indicate the wrongness of the pairing rather than the rightness of these “commandments.”
– Hope begged for my very special lessons

The commandments aren’t about “playing games” anymore than being a good provider is about playing games. They are about acknowledging reality and giving the woman you love what she truly desires. Suitable partners don’t fall from trees on the side of the road. They must be found, wooed, and nourished in love, like a garden. Hope, I hope this helps.

Yours in universal orgasmic consciousness.

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Flimsy Excuses I Use To Get Girls Back To My Place

Here are some of the transparent excuses I tell a girl at the end of the night to get her back to Le Chateau for a little of the ol’ flogging, branding, and penis-whipping:

“Hey, I just got my black and white photographs framed. Unlike so many people, I know you’re able to appreciate art, so let’s take a look and tell me what you think.”

“I’m thirsty. How about you? Let’s go back to my place and have a glass of delicious DC tapwater.”

“I also play a real guitar. I’ve been working on a new song of mine. I could use an unbiased third party opinion. Playing for my Mom isn’t cutting it anymore. Come over and have a listen.”

“You’ve gotta check out the view from my balcony.”

“Let’s swing by my place for a couple of girly drinks then head back out to play some Wii.”

“I collect old jazz recordings [editor’s note: I have a few jazz CDs given to me by exes]. We’ll go back and listen to them properly, with a glass of red wine.”

“Have you ever seen a houseplant with one leaf? I’ll bring you back to my place to look, but no touching. It’s very delicate.”

***

If I sense she is hesitating, I usually punctuate each flimsy excuse with something like, “But we can only stay for a bit, I have to get up early. So try to keep your hands to yourself.” That never fails except on the high self-esteem girls who want you for a boyfriend and are fighting to control the pace of the dating.

Will she see through these obvious ploys? Of course she will. But that’s not the point. She doesn’t need your reason to be airtight, she just wants you to know what you’re doing. That means, make statements, and don’t ask. Saying “Would you like to come back to my place?” is a mood killer. She doesn’t want to have to make that decision. She wants to follow your lead.

It also means not making her feel like a slut. So no matter how absurd your excuse to get her into your lair it’s still better than saying “Let’s go back to my place and fuck.” She just needs plausible deniability, however gossamer thin, to rationalize that her decision to go home with you was not the action of a loose harlot.

Don’t be a noodle-dick and depend on women to make the first move. You must have these excuses ready for every date you go on. In my experience, no quality girl worth having for the long term will offer to go back with you to either her place or yours. That’s akin to offering sex. Only high testosterone whores and cougars do this. Remember, if she’s offered to you, she’s offered to 20 other guys she met in a bar. Wear a condom coated with Doxycycline.

Some very brave and horny girls who want to preserve at least a shadow of their feminine mystique will hint at going back with you by mentioning their cute schnauzer puppy or their roommate’s erotic figurine collection. In these instances, you should recognize what she really wants and immediately take the reins by suggesting that you’d love to walk her home and pet her schnauzer.

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I Only Play Games With Girls Who Deserve It

I get this occasionally from some girls I date, usually after they have dumped a major shit test on me and I am forced to respond with advanced game:

“Why does everything have to be a test with you?”

I thought about this and reflected on my history with women. It was partly true. With certain girls I’ve dated, I was in game mode all the time. One girl even said that she knew when I would return her calls because I would always wait the requisite 20 minutes.

Dispiritingly, dogmatic game — press this button, pull that lever — will work as intended. You can never truly BE YOURSELF with women because almost all men being themselves will regress to lounging on the couch in their underwear as long as their basic needs are met. Literally, you could put a feeding tube in a guy’s mouth, a drainage tube up his anus, a playstation controller in his hand, and a girl’s mouth on his cock and he’ll lay there like that until he spontaneously self-combusts.

And women too. Look what happens to women who have totally given up on finding a man — they blow up like whales, wear flip flops all the time, and cut their hair short. When you see a frumpy, charmless, fat woman you know she is BEING HERSELF.

So why do I overgame with some girls and not others? It’s not a looks thing. Some of the prettiest girls I’ve been with were a breeze to handle once in a relationship, even though during the first crucial dates they were the toughest to game. Hot girls tend to frontload their gameplaying, so if you breach their beachhead it’s a clear march to center city.

I think it’s an ego issue, or maybe one of intelligence. Very smart girls are always on the lookout for Machiavellian maneuvers in their men because they do it themselves. The world is our mirror. Combined with a powerful but sensitive ego, a girl like this will be hyperaware of manipulation and deathly afraid of getting hurt. Stephane of Ideagasms calls these types of women (and men) Interrogators — a subspecies of Energy Vampires:

Interrogators are (initially) difficult to detect, because
they are perfectionists; These people see the life as a
competitive GAME and they are quite masterful when it comes
to manipulating others.  

Their philosophy?  “Life is just a game – You either play
by the rules, or you’re a loser.” They see the world as
Win/Lose instead of Win/Win.

That’s a great metaphor for explaining what Interrogators
do to people, because when you spot an Interrogator and try
to gently point out what he or she is doing, they too will
pretend that they are innocent and that this heavily
ingrained and entirely OBVIOUS pattern of behavior does not
exist.

Then they will turn around and casually remark that there is
something wrong with YOU. They’ll go, “Why would you say
that? Why are you so PARANOID, huh?” (Notice they are not
really asking a question, but rather, making a statement
about you.)

Or they will accuse you of being “too sensitive”… as if
*sensitivity* was a bad thing!

MANY of the top “seduction community gurus” are simply
INTERROGATORS. This is why they “play the game” and have
all sorts of complicated “chess moves” and strategies for
interacting with women. They have a HIDDEN AGENDA.

Interrogators ask a lot of rhetorical questions, and often play
“Devil’s advocate”. But, the questions they ask are not
questions at all! It is their attempt to break down your
reality in the form of negative presuppositions about you.

Overgaming can be caustic to forming a relationship with a girl you really like. The best relationships are built on a foundation of sincerity, not mutually asssured deconstruction. It’s a tragedy when the couple really like each other and the mutual gaming undermines the potential for a deeper connection. Game and ego-protection will always be a necessary component of any interaction you have with quality women, but it should be relegated to a supplement after a certain amount of bonding has occurred. At some point, you have to open your heart and let the chips fall where they may.

So when I game too much for too long, it’s with the girls who deserve it. If I’m getting shit tested all the time, or she’s in Aloof and Indifferent mode every other day, or I sense that she’s hiding something, I will respond in kind. We calibrate our actions and behavior to match the other person’s. Women, being the gatekeepers and mate choosers, are responsible for how men strategize to get in their pants and their hearts. If a girl makes it hard for a guy to be sincere by playing Miss Scheming Queen, he will react with more game. If she’s letting him know how much she loves him, he will be real with her.

You get what you give.

Make no mistake, this is not an anti-game screed. Game is absolutely essential in the beginning stages (See: Mystery Method’s A1 – S3) for every women you want to sex, unless your value is so much higher than hers that you can do nothing and she’ll throw herself on your junk. Relationship game is also important to keep the embers burning.

But in time the doubt has to ease and the soul has to breathe. Anything less would be… uncivilized.

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