Babe Freeze

There will come moments when you won’t be the reincarnation of Casanova. A hot babe will unexpectedly address you, and you won’t have anything scintillating to say in reply. Hey man, it happens. There have been at least three seconds in my life when I wasn’t at the top of my game. I weep with shame.

May yer ever-humble host make a most humble suggestion should a bout of “babe freeze” lock your brain and jaw?: Instead of conspicuously struggling to summon a try-hard witty response, remain silent and expressionless, perhaps livened with a reciprocal nod. In the event of a brain misfire, no reply is better than a spastic, dorky, strained, or unfunny reply that lands with a thud and extinguishes all vagina tingles in a ten block radius.

Naturally, a witty, funny, or darkly triadic reply is best, but if you don’t have one at the ready should a lovely lady rock your steady, it’s better to shut yo mouf and avoid leaving any impression that you REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL and want to win her approval and her giggles and her reoriented open body language. Or: Better to be silent and thought a beta male, than to speak spergily and remove all doubt.

Strategic silence is a form of game as much as any loquacious routine. Counterintuitively, it’s also harder to pull off than the tongue-toiling tingle teasers, because every irrepressible instinct in a man is to say something, ANYTHING, when a cute chick talks to him. And this instinct gets a lot of men in trouble, because it won’t be every time he’ll have a suave segue that stimulates snapper. When his game abandons him, that instinct to jabber can lead to stammering rather than seductive sorcery.

Strategic silence is ineffably alpha, and women know this, which is why when you deny your beta male instincts and choose instead the path of muffled mystery, your aura grows three sizes until it has shouted erection at the heart of the world. To refuse a woman a clean response beyond a nod when she has spoken to you? Outrageous! Why, you must be an alpha male. How intriguing. Perhaps if I talk to him again, he’ll acknowledge my womanly awesomeness…

Like other overpowered elements of game, strategic silence is meant to be employed sparingly. Although tales of mute maestros mesmerizing girls with nothing but the liquid rhythm of their physicality prick the public ear, I have rarely witnessed a man woo a woman solely with the sounds of silence. Economy of speech: good. Tapping out your game in morse code or eye flutters: bad. Save that stoic repose for those times when you really need it, like when a girl catches you off-guard with your thoughts drifting to nature shows about long-lived fungal colonies.

***

In related news, introverts who act extroverted can make themselves feel happier. CH gets a lot of mail from self-professed introverts who say that game is tough for them because they don’t energize like extroverts do by socializing with lots of people. Their gripe is not without merit, but now they should be heartened by this latest research that if they simply push through their self-doubts and make active efforts to engage women, their happiness levels will rise. So far from being a necessary punishment, socializing can actually lift the moods of you introverts. And there’s no better foundation for a proper seduction than a good mood.

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Dealing With Cutesy Chicks

A reader is annoyed by a common ingenue habit:

I have game. I am not a AFC. That said, here is a pattern I’ve noticed.

EVERY girl who has used “ok, ill catch ya later babe”
Or, “Hey honey, how’ve you been?”…. has ALWAYS been a dead end.
(super-flirt = dead end)

My take:  She is wired to string guys along…..and loves the pack of dogs pursuing her…
Frankly, I fiind it annoying, b/c it’s clear they’re F’ing with me…
No girl I’ve ever fucked has used the word “honey” and “babe” on me while in seduction mode…
In general, I disengage immediately when I sense asymmetric interest level   (eg: doesn’t counteroffer a date night)

Would love to hear your analysis, and I’d love some disarming rebuttals for this, to shut down her cute little game, and to show I am not falling for her bullshit mindgames….

There are two reasons a girl you aren’t screwing (but have designs to screw) might refer to you by an inappropriately affectionate term such as “babe” or “honey”:

1. She is aroused by you and tamps down her desire by “letting the air out” of the interaction, typically by reverting to cutesy mode and away from sexy mode.

2. She is, as the reader says, an incorrigible flirt, and gets off on giving men hope by pretending to a level of intimacy that she doesn’t really feel herself.

I, too, find this habit annoying, and my response is usually stock:

“Honey? What’re we, a married couple already? Jesus you move fast.”

Basically, disqualify her and tacitly accuse her of chasing you. The cutesy act is beta bait to entrap you into a chaser frame. What do you do with beta bait? You throw it right back at her, and the best way to do that is to imply she’s expecting more from you than you are from her. A skilled dodge of beta bait is a challenge to a woman, and she’ll respond by either adjusting her attitude in a more chastened direction or raising the shit test stakes as her arousal heightens and the prospect of sex becomes credible.

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Be A “No, Dear” Man

The results from an interesting scientific study which could be fairly interpreted as providing evidence for the efficacy of the neg shows that men and women cooperate with each other differently, and that this cooperation disparity is based in differing expectations between the sexes. {Greek chorus: *FEMINISTS WEEEEEEEEEPT*}

In summary, women don’t trust beta males well-meaning men who appease them.

While men tend to match their partners’ emotions during mutual cooperation, women may have the opposite response, according to new research.

Cooperation is essential in any successful romantic relationship, but how men and women experience cooperation emotionally may be quite different, according to new research conducted at the University of Arizona.

Feminists are getting ready to weep.

Randall wondered how the act of cooperating, a beneficial relationship process, might impact emotional coordination between partners.

“Cooperation – having the ability to work things out with your partner, while achieving mutually beneficial outcomes – is so important in relationships, and I wondered what kind of emotional connectivity comes from cooperating with your partner?” she said.

What she found in her recent study – published in SAGE’s Journal of Social and Personal Relationships and featured in the journal’s podcast series, Relationship Matters – were surprising gender differences.

She and her colleagues found that during high mutual levels of cooperation with a romantic partner, men typically experience an “inphase” response to their significant other’s emotions. That is, if the woman in the relationship is feeling more positive, the man will feel more positive. If she feels less positive, he will feel less positive.

On the contrary, it seems women experience more of an “antiphase” pattern during high mutual cooperation. If her partner is feeling more positive, she will tend to feel less positive, and vice versa.

Aaaand… torrent of termagant tears!

Take, for example, the following familiar scenario: A woman emerges from a department store fitting room and asks her husband what he thinks of a potential new shirt. He likes it, he says, hoping his time at the mall is nearing an end. So does the woman head straight to the cash register and make the purchase? Probably not. Chances are, her husband’s enthusiasm won’t be enough; she’ll want to try on a few more shirts first.

Social psychology literature on cooperation tells us that women generally tend to cooperate more, while men often try to avoid conflict. Thus, men might be subconsciously syncing their emotions with their partners’ during cooperation in an effort to avoid conflict or reach a speedy resolution, Randall says.

If that’s the case, it’s possible, although Randall’s study didn’t test for it, that women may pick up on the fact that their partner’s agreeability is not entirely authentic. If she suspects he’s not really as positive as he seems, or that he has an ulterior motive, she may become less positive herself in an attempt to get at his real feelings and reach a more mutually satisfying resolution, Randall suggests.

Read the bolded part again. Here are the grounds for interpreting this study as providing evidence for the effectiveness of the game concept known as the neg. If you agree too readily with a woman — if you appease her and supplicate to her and seek her approval — she’ll feel less happy, even less aroused, in your company. She’ll instead attempt to “dramatize” your mutual interaction by becoming a sourpuss and challenging your agreeableness, which in certain contexts (such as bar pick-ups) materializes as the shit test.

Now we have the insight to know why, perhaps, the neg works on women: Because by deliberately adopting a pose of contrariness, of resistance to accommodation, a man can inspire feelings of connection, curiosity and craving in women. Be the jerk, and you’ll be beloved. Be the placater, and you’ll be perpetually pestered for proof of sincerity.

If you’ve ever had to endure a grilling from your girlfriend or wife for your opinion on something she’s wearing, you’ll know the pain of being a “yes, dear” man. The harder you try to smooth the waters, the more tirelessly she churns open sea turbulence. And so, having been in this exasperating situation a few too many times for my taste and sanity, I had discovered a better way, a way now bolstered by ♥SCIENCE♥:

Be a “no, dear” man.

Tell the light of your life, “No, dear, that dress looks bad on you.” “No, dear, those shows don’t make you look good.” No, dear, this look isn’t working for you.”

[GBFM version: “No, dearlzzlol, that thongzz covers the butthosllezx. Don’t make me do all da work when all da men before me got your butholeszzs for free lzlolzzzlolz”]

Betaboys shriek, “But she’ll hate me for saying that!” FEEBS! Have you not learned a single thing reading this blog? Lemme tell you what really happens. She makes an indignant face, looks shell-shocked for a half second, retreats to the dressing room or closet, and returns with a new item to buy or wear, no further questions asked, yerhonner. The “yes, dear” demon infant has been killed in the crib.

Seduction is the art of flirting, and flirting is an artful term for pushing away and pulling toward. All betas know how to do is pull toward, aka “Please like me! You’re the best! Here’s proof of my love!” game. But this is boring to women, and actively repulses them during their one week ovulatory period. Taking the opposite tack is the blinkered douche, who only knows how to push away. This is exciting for women at first, but the novelty wears off quickly.

The right balance is struck between alternately pulling toward and pushing away. As all great seducers know, and as science is now coming around to confirming, the ideal male lover is the man who understands the value of emotionally desyncing with women. He doesn’t distance himself from a woman; rather, he cleverly directs her arousal by undermining feelings of closeness just at the moment she starts to relax and senses that she can predict his desire and behavior, and then drawing her back in when she fears his loss of interest. By alternately undermining and reengaging like this, he subverts the Male Chaser-Female Chasee expectation, and thus flips the normal sex status differential that is the standard operating procedure of an unobstructed and undirected mating market so that, by his manipulations, he is perceived as the more valuable commodity.

From there, female hypergamy finds root and the labia flower like spring lilies in the noon sun.

Prompt punishment for bad behavior, intermittent reward for good behavior, emotional desyncing and resyncing for creating deep feelings of arousal and connection: These are the tools of the modern Casanova in a global mating village where the old rules to curb the primal chaos of female sexuality have long been discarded and forgotten.

PS Here’s Psychology Today‘s analysis of the same study.

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Off The Grid Game

Given the recent leaks about NSA and IRS dossiers on American citizens, it makes sense that some people are choosing to opt out of the social media ego stroke-athon for privacy reasons. But how does the womanizing sophisticate who has waved sayonara to Facebook and the rest handle the inevitable questions and objections when girls ask him about his odd lack of online presence?

Women, lovely lemmings they are, don’t like weirdness. Non-conformists give them the heebie-vajjies, until such time that the non-conformist is validated by the wider social group. So the Man Without a Facebook is likely to elicit suspicion, and maybe even irrational annoyance, from women. This problem will be worse for the off-the-grid man who prefers the company of younger women (the kind of woman least likely to care that Big Daddy State is safely in charge of her personal liberties).

Generally, a man should handle the “Why aren’t you on Facebook?” question the same way he would handle any shit test, by using any of the following three tactics:

1. Agree and amplify
2. Dismiss and ignore
3. Ridicule and reframe

Examples:

“Why aren’t you on Facebook?”

“Because I’m wanted in twenty-three states for crimes against humanity.”

“Better question: Why are you on Facebook telling the world all your secrets?”

“Remember when girls had diaries, and they would freak out if their brother even touched the cover? We’ve come a long way.”

“I was. I got kicked off.”

“WUT” {Jeantel Rachel game}

“What a weird question.”

“Hey, you gotta at least get to know me before you start stalking me.”

“Because it’s boring.”

“Because everyone else is doing it.”

“Because I found that the girls on there are all shallow and self-involved.”

“I am. But I’m in the VIP lounge. Zuckerberg invite only. Not open to the public.”

***

Ok, I think you get the idea. The crucial rule to remember about any type of shit test is that it matters less how successfully you hurdle it than how successfully you avoid smashing into it. So as long as you don’t sound defensive or shaky or placating, you should do fine. If a girl is insistent and presses you for a reason why you skip Facebook, tell her “What’s with the third degree?”. The quicker you can get muleheaded chicks like that to defend themselves, the better off you look.

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Compendium Of Female Super Shit Tests

A reader asks,

Dear Heartiste

I wonder if you could do a post specifically on some super powerful shit tests that women use and how you’d handle them.

That could be very enlightening.

Super powerful shit tests that a man will commonly encounter in his dealings with women? Why, yes, I believe we can do that. Herewith is a short list of what I call “Super Shit Tests” that women from all walks of life use with predictable regularity, and what I’ve found to be superb replies for handling them. Are you amazed that women — unique special snowflakes every one of them — would reflexively resort to ancient hindbrain algorithms linguistically fitted to cultural constraints as a method of filtering alpha males from beta males? Don’t be! It’s no more amazing than that men — unique special snowflakes every one of them — would reflexively ogle the same young cuties with large pert breasts and firm buttocks.

“[Man X] always gets his girlfriend [Y]. When was the last time you got me [Y]?”

Don’t get caught in a game of beta-upmanship. Appeasement never works, especially on women, who are the equivalent of the Third Reich in their response to Neville Chamberlain game. Instead, reframe to the point of absurdity.

“I got you some gold bullion for your birthday coming up. You can sit on it and luxuriate like a princess!”

“Are you a player?”

Any man who is halfway charming with women will hear this super shit test at least a few times in his life. There are a multitude of effective replies to this particular SST. Here is one of them:

“Player? Hell no. I’m a PIMP! Hold on, one of my ten thousand concubines is calling me.”

“Give me your number instead.”

Watch out, this is a beta male trap. Most betas would be relieved that any number exchange is taking place. You, aspiring alpha, know better.

“Sorry, I don’t give out my number.” Then ignore, and request her number again later.

“I don’t give out my number.”

The script is the inverse of the above. You’ve asked for her number, and she refused. A girl who says this isn’t sufficiently attracted yet. You need more time flirting with her. A good segue would be:

“I guess we’ll have to rendezvous, the old-fashioned way, like Parisian lovers on the run.”

“I have a boyfriend.”

Probably the most common, and most destructive of beta male hopes, super shit test that women lean on. You can never know with certainty if the boyfriend excuse is sincere or expedient, but you can neutralize it regardless of its veracity. For example, here’s one thermonuclear reply.

“You never listen to me.”

“What?” This reply never fails to elicit a grudging smile. But don’t overuse it. After the third time, say “Look, don’t make impossible demands on me that no normal person could fulfill. You want to be with a man, or with a voice recorder?”

“Do I know you?”

Sharp-mouthed sarcastocunts will occasionally drop SST bombs like this one. The best replies are arrogant and cocky, since that’s the type of man these kinds of girls love the most. Ex:

“You will.”

“How may girls have you been with?”

Any reply but a straight one will do here. Reductio ad absurdum is a logical fallacy, but it’s also a winning seduction tactic. Ex:

“Counting Alaska?”

“What are you looking for?”

When things start to heat up, a woman will often pop this dreaded, baiting question. Good reply:

“A delicious ham sandwich.”

“Stop staring at me.”

Really bitchy SSTs can be answered with shiv twists. Ex:

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“That [X] you’re wearing is ridiculous!”

The key here is to prove that her judgmentalism hasn’t flustered you. Ex:

“Thank you. My mom bought it for me.”

“You’re not my type.”

“Neither are you. See that? We have so much in common!”

“Come hang out with me and my friends.”

She’s testing your skillfulness at evading the friendzone. Worst thing you can do is agree. Better, assume the sale:

“Good. Your friends will make sure you don’t try to grope me. I need to be wined and dined first.”

“Does this work on other girls?”

“Only the cute ones.” (Not a CH original, but probably the best reply to this particular SST that you can use. Remember, gina tingles are born when a woman is in the defensive crouch.)

“When are you gonna settle down?”

“Why? You auditioning for the part?” Assume the sale, part 2.

“If you impress me, you might get a shot at this!” [wiggles hips]

Girls who are a little above average in attractiveness and on the wrong side of 25 often use SSTs like this one to self-administer their shaky egos. She is forcing you into her frame where she’s the chased, and you’re the chaser. Solution? Flip the script.

“Does this work on other guys?”

“What are you doing??”

Sometimes you’ll get this SST from a girl when you’ve gone in for the kiss before she’s ready for it. Or, more precisely, before she’s ready to concede her attraction for you. A reply I like, said with a straight face:

“Crocheting.”

“You’re not the jealous type, are you?”

Attention whores love this SST, and will often deploy it right after you’ve eyed them flirting with another man, (or group of men). One of my favorite replies is to insinuate that the girl wants me to be jealous so she can feel desired.

“For a price, I can be.”

******

That’s enough for now. The Compendium of Female Super Shit Tests is a running series, so there will be future posts with more added. Know that shit tests are typically expressions of interest, but that occasionally they can be revealed indicators of disinterest. And also know that it doesn’t really matter which expression is operative; your strategy is to leapfrog over them so that interest is intensified, or disinterest is reconsidered.

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Game Advice For Alphas

A reader soulfully inquires,

Can you share some of your dark wisdom which has no bounds on advice for greater betas, lesser alphas, and alphas? Not every one of your readers is a spectating beta male!

That’s true. The male demographics of this blog’s readership mirrors the male demographics found in the general population.

there are a lot of questions which are not safe to ask the people around me, but I need help on nonetheless as I can never handle these situations well. I’m a young guy but feel very isolated from the people around me. So here are 4 questions which I haven’t been able to find addressed in the archives but are the major problems I deal with in my own life.

1)  what do you do when a possessive girl looks through your phone and catches you cheating?

2) what do you do about jealousy? from both males and females, I’ve had my reputation marred on several instances because of my philandering.

3) what about when you are in an area with no desirable females? myself many of my other friends who are “successful” find ourselves in situations where all the girls around us are entitled and below the SMV of what we’re used to. It’s hard to motivate yourself to approach when you are used to a sexual diet of 8s and all of the women around you are entitled 5-7s…..

4) more importantly, what about the isolation that this lifestyle brings? in times when I’ve built a rotation of girls for myself I’ve felt more alone than ever before. I can’t turn to my “greater-alpha” friends on this one because realistically they have this problem even worse than I do and don’t seem to care as much.

1. You should have a lock on your phone. But too late for that. So I assume she found incriminating texts that prevent you claiming the other women are only friends? If you haven’t already agreed to exclusivity, the best approach is to embrace your philandering. Tell her you two aren’t married, and as such you will date around until such time that you have received sufficient signals of commitment from her, or from someone else. If she finds that unacceptable, the door is right over there. But be prepared to call her bluff. If the thought of her leaving is unacceptable to you, then perhaps you should consider the mewling beta route of gross apologia and promises of future fidelity. If you’ve built up a large store of alpha cred, a tactical spell of weakness won’t do you in.

However, let me tell you this, something I learned the hard way being cornered by suspicious lovers… whatever strategy you pursue — bald-faced lies or breathtaking truthfulness — don’t half-ass it. Own it. Own it with everything you’ve got. And by this, I mean make no excuses for your stance, and redirect any accusations back at your accuser. (Hey, it works for politicians and Presidents.)

Examples of the right way:

Bald-faced lie

Her: Who is this girl you’re flirting with on your phone?

You: She’s a friend. GIrls like to flirt, that’s what they do. I didn’t know you were the creepy stalker type. It’s not a good look on you.

Breathtaking truthfulness

Her: Who is this girl you’re flirting with on your phone?

You: A former lover. I love being with her, and I love being with you. If the nature of our relationship changes, I will reconsider keeping contact with her.

***

Example of the wrong way (excerpted from a real life CH conversation, before Total Illumination acquired):

Brunette needler: Why didn’t you come to my show? Everyone was there.

Me: Um… well, I decided to go somewhere else.

Brunette needler: Where somewhere? We talked about this earlier. You said you were coming.

Me: Something came up.

Brunetter needler: A girl? That ex you mentioned?

Me: [looking at floor] No.. yeah… it’s not like that.

Brunette needler: Right. Ok. I can see where this is going.

Our fling ended shortly after that point, and she went on to become a lawyer.

2. Female jealousy is a gift of the gods. Call it… hamsta from heaven. You see, jealous females rarely drive off their boyfriends, who are more often than not delightfully amused and flattered by the spectacle. But jealous boyfriends almost always eventually drive away their girlfriends given enough episodes of status-lowering possessive freakouts. Therefore, do nothing. Your philandering will heighten your attractiveness to other women (preselection, yo) and your secret admiration from other men. Try not to advertise it, though. The positive PR from your pleasure underworld is best vaguely apprehended buzzing over gossipy grapevines rather than lucidly observed bashing into exposed egos.

3. If you’re in an area with no desirable women, leave. Or foist them on your white knight buddies.

4. If you’re a well-balanced, psychologically healthy womanizer, you won’t feel isolated. This is because the great feelings that modern day Casanovas inspire in women naturally bleed into other areas of life. The best seducers I’ve known were never without male friends nor acquaintances all too happy to share in their good times and reflected success. It comes with the poon-plundering territory.

The problem of isolation arises because, in truth, many obligate womanizers are psychologically unsound. The men who are most successful with women are also the most sociopathic. Chicks may dig dark triad men, but other men don’t dig them so much. This encourages social isolation from same-sex peers, which is compounded when the womanizer is young, and just beginning his journey to endarkenment. The isolation grows in proportion to the number of friends who have gotten married off, because wives pretty much make it their mission in life to sever their husbands’ ties to any remaining single male friends who are still having a blast slashing and burning through dense forests of bush.

If multiple long- or short-term relationships are making you feel isolated, then the solution is simple: Cut back, and put more energy into friendships. Bring the same girl to parties and events, and let your friends get to know her. There’s nothing wrong with being an expert womanizer who prefers sipping from the comfort chalice of a monogamous relationship with one woman. If this doesn’t appeal to you, then you can’t say the isolation bothers you as much as the loss of pussy varietal packs bothers you. Don’t bitch for the sake of bitching if you don’t really mean it.

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Unemployed, Alcoholic Badboy Game

A 30 year old couglet writes to Slate’s Emily Yoffe (first mistake) about the strange pull that an unemployed, alcoholic alpha male ex-fling badboy has on her romantic imagination, while a loyal and NICE dentist betaboy who’s practically begging her to marry him can’t seem to fire up her loins. Bonus track: The badboy nearly gave her herpes.

I would leave everything I have to be with [the guy who almost gave me herpes and dumped me after a weekend of multiple orifice violating that I wouldn’t dream of allowing my beta dentist fiance to do to me].

Five minutes of alpha…

A regular CH reader, Zombie Shane, left a comment over at Slate (amazingly left undeleted) which sent the femborgs and manboobs ululating into righteous, backboob swinging, indignation.

Two points:

1) Women are incapable of knowing what they want – if they knew what they wanted, then they’d be men.

2) What this particular woman wants is what every woman wants – the gina tingles which come from the dangerous liaisons with an “alpha” cad – not the bed-death predictability which comes from entering into the prison which is married life with a boring, dependable, politically-correct, utterly emasculated “beta” dad.

Alpha cads, not beta dads.

That’s what women want.

So either dentist dude can step it up a notch, grow a pair, and start acting like a man, or else he can prepare [or at least he ought to prepare] for a lifetime of raising a family full of children who were biologically sired by the likes of her tennis instructor at the country club.

“dutchshepherdconspiracytheory” replies,

Oh so glad one of the menz could tell me what I wanted.

Anyone who (erroneously) pluralizes words with the letter z is guaranteed to be a triple-chinned nerdo leftoid or cauliflower-thighed chunkster chick. No exceptions.

Is it the alcoholism, unemployment or herpes that women love about sexy badboys? No. What women love about them is their ATTITUDE.

The attitude dictates that you don’t care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin’. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

The Attitude is sex panther cologne reformulated to work 100% 100% of the time. The Attitude is powerful enough to induce in women a quasi-catatonic, chronically orgasmic state that renders them unable to discriminate against men failing on several objective measures of conventional mate worth. Many sexy cads with venereal diseases, low future time orientation and crippling addictions do well with women because they possess The Attitude, and that is often all that’s needed to outcompete beta males for drilling rights to women’s peak nubility hearts.

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