Dating Market Value For Women

UPDATE:
I’ve adjusted the scoring and categories a bit because the test was skewed somewhat toward lower scores.  For those who have arguments with my scoring system, understand that it is based on averages.  I’m sure everyone knows a 34 year old woman who is just as hot as the average 22 year old girl, but the exceptions don’t make the rules.

And a note on BMI:
I used the 1959 Met Life height-weight insurance charts as guides as they are the most accurate (before American “grade inflation” made obese the new normal).  A 5’10” 140lb woman would have a BMI of 20.1, which puts her well within the most desirable BMI category.

*****

If you are a woman, this test will measure your dating market value.  The higher the number, the better quality man you can catch.  The lower the number, the more likely you will find yourself surrounded by cats.  Unlike the male version of this test, here I have added a sliding scale to some of the questions because this better reflects the outsized importance that certain factors have on a woman’s total sexual value.

Guys, you may take this quiz for your girlfriends or wives to see if you have settled for tepid sex once a week or if you always get hard looking at her and never forget her birthday.

1.  How old are you?

15 to 16 years old:  +5 points
17 to 20 years old:  +10 points
21 to 25 years old:  +8 points
26 to 29 years old:  +3 point
30 to 33 years old:  0 points
33 to 36 years old:  -1 point
37 to 40 years old:  -5 points
41 to 45 years old:  -8 points
46 to 49 years old:  -10 points
over 49:  you’ve hit the wall.  waysa?

2.  How important is makeup to your appearance?

It slightly enhances my looks:  0 points
I look like a different woman with makeup:  -1 point
I’m a natural beauty.  My morning face looks the same as my evening face:  +1 point

3.  What is your IQ?  (This relates tangentially to your ability to connect emotionally with a man.)

Under 85:  -1 point
85 to 100:  0 points
101 to 120:  +1 point
121 to 145:  0 points
Over 145:  -1 point

*****

The following ten questions deal with the physical attractiveness of your body.

4.  Your breast size is:

Bee stings up to A cup:  -1 point
B cup:  0 points
C cup:  +1 point
D cup, naturally firm:  +2 points
DD cup, firm:  +1 point
E cup and up:  0 points

5.  Your breasts look firm and pert when you wear:

A bra:  0 points
An underwire push-up bra:  -1 point
Nothing:  +1 point

6.  How long are your legs in relation to your height?

Long:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Short:  -1 point

7.  What is the shape of your ass?

Flat:  -1 point
Round and fleshy:  +1 point
Round, fleshy, and firm:  +2 points
Flat and saggy:  -2 points
Just average:  0 points

8.  How flat is your stomach?

Cutting board flat:  +1 point
Slight pouch:  0 points
Muffin top:  -1 point
Flabby beer gut and fupa:  -10 points

9.  How toned are your upper arms?

Very toned, I can see my triceps:  +1 point
Average, not flabby:  0 points
If I hold my arm out, I can wobble the fat underneath my upper arm:  -1 point

10.  How big are your hands?

Delicate piano fingers, proportionally small:  +1 point
Average size:  0 points
Manhands:  -1 point

11.  Where is there hair on your body?

My head and pubic area only:  +1 point
I have to shave my legs daily and wax my bushy eyebrows:  0 points
I have dark forearm hair and a mustache:  -1 point
Nipples, asscrack, and that giant mole on my back:  -2 points

12.  Get a tape ruler and measure around your waist and your hips.  Divide your waist number by your hip number.  This ratio is:

0.65 to 0.75:  +1 point
0.55 to 0.64:  0 points
under 0.55:  -1 point
0.76 to 0.85:  0 points
0.85 to 0.95:  -1 point
over 0.95:  -2 points

13.  What is your BMI?

(Go here to calculate your BMI.  The scoring of female BMI varies somewhat from that of male BMI because aesthetics, not just general health, have to be taken into consideration.)

under 14.1:  -10 points
14.1 to 15.0:  -5 points
15.1 to 16.5:  0 points
16.6 to 17.4:  +3 points
17.5 to 21.0:  +10 points
21.1 to 23.0:  +3 points
23.1 to 24.5:  0 points
24.6 to 28.0:  -5 points
28.1 to 33.0:  -10 points
over 33.0:  stop taking this quiz.  you get nothing!  you lose!  good day madam!

*****

The next ten questions are the section of the test that measures your facial beauty.  Since so much of a woman’s dating market value resides in the appeal of her face, I have chosen to examine some traits in finer detail.  To illustrate how very subtle changes in facial characteristics can mean the difference between beautiful and ugly, look at these two photos:

I do not even have to label these photos because almost all my readers viewing them, men and women, will instinctively know which is the hot girl and which is not.  Remember this the next time someone tells you beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

14.  On a scale of 1 to 10, how pretty are you?

Note:  Do not bother soliciting the opinions of the following people, because they will not give you a truthful answer.

Your family.
Your heterosexual female friends.
Your homosexual male friends.
Your heterosexual male friends who would sleep with you given the chance.

Instead, put your pic up on hotornot and check back in a week.  Otherwise, go with what you’ve overheard through the grapevine by people who weren’t your close friends, or suck it up and try to be as honest with yourself as possible.  Lesbians will also give you an accurate appraisal as long as it is through a third party and not directly to your face.  Use the photos above as guidelines.  Adjust your rating based on how close your facial morphology matches one or the other.

0:  don’t bothering finishing this test.
1 to 2:  -10 points
3 to 4:  -5 points
5:  -1 point
6:  +2 points
7:  +5 points
8 to 9:  +8 points
10:  +12 points

15.  How clear is your skin?

No acne, blemishes, or poorly located moles:  0 points
Some combination of the above:  -1 point
People are always telling you how silky smooth your skin looks:  +1 point

16.  Do you have any noticeable deformities?

Yes, minor:  -1 point
Yes, major:  -10 points
No:  0 points

17.  How full are your lips?

Pencil thin:  -1 point
Average:  0 points
Juicily plump:  +1 point
Weirdly oversized:  0 points

18.  How high is your forehead?

Low:  -1 point
Average:  0 points
High:  +1 point

19.  How long is your jawline from ear to chin?

Long:  -1 point
Average:  0 points
Short:  +1 point

20.  How big is your chin?

Small:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Large:  -1 point

21.  How big is your nose?

Small:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Large:  -1 point

22.  In proportion to the size of your face, are your eyes:

Large and saucer-like:  +1 point
Normal-sized:  0 points
Small and beady:  -1 point

23.  Is the distance between your eyes:

Wide:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Narrow:  -1 point

The bottom line on female facial beauty is that as the lower half of her face becomes smaller and more delicate, making her eyes and cheekbones appear more prominent, the better looking she will be.

*****

The final eleven questions measure your femininity, sexiness, and pleasing personality traits.  This is the closest to “game” that women have at their disposal.  It isn’t much, which is why the scoring is lowest in this section.

24.  You frequently wear sexy lingerie, even when not prepping for a hot date.

Yes:  +1 point
Special occasions only:  0 points
Never.  Ripped and stained comfy granny panties only:  -1 point

25.  When someone gets hurt you are the first to ask if they are OK and to deliver aid if needed.

Almost always:  +1 point
Occasionally:  0 points
Almost never:  -1 point

26.  You are highly competitive and often play co-ed team sports.

Yes, and I will throw an elbow if necessary.  My shelf is filled with trophies:  -1 point
I like to exercise on nice days with one on one sports like tennis:  +1 point
I’m competitive with other girls, but not guys:  0 points

27.  When a guy approaches you in a bar, regardless of your attraction for him, you:

Smile and look at him:  +1 point
Pretend like you don’t notice him coming:  0 points
Frown and tell him you’re talking to your friends before he even gets a chance to say Hi:  -1 point

28.  On a first date the check arrives for dinner and drinks.  You:

Offer to split the check or even pay in full:  +1 point
Smile and thank the guy when he pays for the check:  0 points
Forget to thank him after he pays for your ungrateful ass:  -1 point

29.  You are about to have sex with a guy for the first time.  He undresses and his penis is small.  Do you:

Tell him how great his cock looks and feels?:  +1 point
Say nothing:  0 points
Look surprised and stifle a laugh:  -1 point

30.  You think blowjobs are:

Great!  You give them spontaneously and there’s never any doubt how much you enjoy it:  +1 point
An obligation:  0 points
Gross.  You gave one after your BF proposed and spit it on his shoes:  -1 point

31.  Do you do anal?

Yes, and it makes me come to know how much it pleases my man:  +1 point
Only when I get really drunk:  0 points
Never.  It’s an exit only:  -1 point

32.  The number of sex positions you have tried is:

3 to 10:  0 points
Missionary and doggy style only:  -1 point
I’m a contortionist:  +1 point

33.  How often do you curse?

I think I said damn once:  +1 point
I blurt out fuck and shit a few times a week:  0 points
My mouth is a gutter:  -1 point

34.  You’d best describe your sense of fashion as:

I’m a label whore:  -1 point
I hide my body under baggy tees and ill-fitting jeans:  -1 point
I wear casual clothing that flatters my figure:  0 points
I wear stylish clothing on weeknights and I can handle heels over 3 inches:  +1 point
My flip flops have my foot imprint in them:  -2 points

*****

SCORING

There is a minimum of -83 points and a maximum of 64 points to earn based on the questions asked.  The reason the minimum score goes lower than the maximum score goes high is because there are a few things, such as gross obesity, old age, or a major facial deformity, that seriously negatively impact a woman’s overall rating to the point of market extinction.

The scoring breaks down as follows:

-83:  You are proof that god does not exist, but that satan does.
-82 to -56:  You’re an omega.  If it makes you feel better you will have your choice of male omegas to bang.
-55 to -40:  The majority of men are disgusted by the sight of you.  Your kind will suffer most when our sexbot overlords arrive.  Losers hit on you constantly figuring they have a chance.
-39 to -20:  You were born to cockblock.  But you’ll manage to marry a table scrap.
-19 to -5:  Lesser beta.  The men you want make fun of you out of earshot.  You spend many years learning how to settle for mediocre betas.
-4 to 14:  Classic beta.  Your hot friends always gets hit on first, but if you really tramp it up you can snag a slightly better than average guy to take you home for a single night of commitment.
15 to 29:  Greater beta.  More than a few attractive guys will approach you.  But if your personality is flawed you risk becoming a pump and dump victim.
30 to 43:  You are officially a nascent alpha female.  A lot of quality guys will hit on you and you will be able to pick and choose at your leisure.  But don’t push it.  You’re not quite hot enough to string guys along forever.
44 to 55:  You’re a bona fide hottie.  Nearly every guy who meets you agrees you are a hottie.  So does every girl.  This puts you in the top 1% of worldwide womanhood.  With great power comes great responsibility, so try to limit the number of men you torture with blueballs and LJFB rejections to fewer than 100 in your social circle.  As long as you are not a complete bitch, marriage with a top quality man will come easily to you.
56 to 63:  Guys want you, girls want to be you.  You are just short of perfection, which paradoxically means you will get hit on more than the super alpha females.  You are a player’s greatest challenge, and his greatest reward, because unlike the perfect woman there is still something human about you.  Sex, love, security, commitment, easy living… you have it all.  Only your demons can defeat you.
64:  Super Alpha.  The world is yours.  Life is an endless parade of joy and excitement.  Your power is illimitable… for now.

I hope everyone noticed what was missing from this test:

Your job.
The amount of money you make.
Your accomplishments.
Your social status and number of friends.
Your deep and profound worldview.

Unlike the men who took my Male Dating Market Value test, I do not expect *any* women to be completely honest with themselves taking the Female Dating Market Value test.  The female ego is simply way too fragile to absorb the shock of such a brutal self-assessment.  Therefore, I will be mentally subtracting 10 points from every woman who posts her score here in the comments.

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Bumping Into Exes

I broke my previous record for number of consecutive days bumping into a different ex each time.  I’m now at four straight days, although in the interest of accuracy one of those girls was a brief fling, making her ex status questionable.

Unfortunately, this city is not big enough to shelter me anonymously from failed relationships.  Because of the threat of ex sightings, I can now no longer leave the house without looking my absolute best.  I may soon have to hire a permanent escort with a minimum D cup to accompany me on any strolls around town so that I always have the upper hand should an ex happen by.  The lowest possible hand is to be walking alone, unshowered, and sporting three days growth stubble when you bump into the ex sharing massive PDA with her new boyfriend.  And she’s eight months pregnant.  You will cringe at the look of pity in her eyes.

Having hand is important for any ex you meet, but it’s essential when the ex was the dumper rather than the dumpee.  You never want to give an ex like that the satisfaction of thinking she made the right decision by leaving you.  There is no better way to have her doubting the wisdom of dumping you than to parade an even hotter chick in front of her.  It is an especially sweet victory when you are with your new girl and the ex is alone.  You will barely be able to contain your smirk as your ex grits her teeth, nods her head robotically, and flashes a very insincere smile.  Be sure to rub it in by dragging out the conversation as long as possible:

“yeah, great to see you, too.  hey, how’s the atkins diet working out for you so far?”

Her painful, awkward squirming will be worth every delicious second.  Take advantage of these opportunities because the fates align only a few times in your life to execute a flawless upper hand maneuver.  One good ex-girlfriend humiliation is equivalent to a lifetime Prozac prescription.

The emotional anguish of seeing an ex depends a lot on how it ended.

You Dumped Her And Did Not Feel Bad About It

Zero ex issues.  You are completely indifferent to her and will not care how you are perceived by her in the event of a chance meeting.  A totally chill and relaxed conversation ensues.  This, of course, will arouse her enough to rush home and masturbate to fond memories of you.

You Dumped Her And Felt Bad About It

Both of you will feel awkward, thus ensuring the world’s shortest conversation.  If you are with a girl and your ex is alone, you will feel really bad and act to hide your new girlfriend’s presence by physically stepping in between her and your ex.  You will also do the right thing and stop tonguing down your girlfriend long enough to spare your ex’s feelings.

The Breakup Was Mutual

1% of breakups are truly mutual.  The other 99% are painful because no matter what anyone says, one person in the equation didn’t want it to end.  Amicably mutual breakups are great because they are the only instances when the formerly sexual relationship can evolve into a fulfilling asexual friendship.  Under no other circumstances can, or should, you ever be “friends” with an ex.  Acquaintances, sure.  Friends, no.

She Dumped You And You Handled It Like A Man

While seeing your ex will cause a knot to grow in your chest, at least you will shine with the pride of knowing you walked away from the breakup with your balls fully descended.  Consequently, you will be able to manage a non-weird exchange with her.  Use this opportunity to flirt with abandon as a reminder of the long-ago sexy man she opened her heart and her vagina for.  She will win if you act like a desexualized buddy with her, so be the cocky oversexed player that you were before the relationship domesticated you and deny her that win.

She Dumped You And You Handled It Like A Mewling Beta

The worst case scenario.  You still want her, you are ashamed of your pathetic beggar’s response to the breakup, and your wounded pride demands revenge.  With the deck so egregiously stacked against you, there is little chance you will rein in your runaway emotions, constricting airway, and cotton mouth in her presence.  Only those with the most impressive state control can look the basilisk in the eye and walk away unpetrified.  Your best bet is to have fortune favor you so that your ex bumps into you while you are out with a new girl on your arm.  Note of caution:  if your new girl is uglier than your ex, you will feel like an even bigger loser than before.

To recap:

Correct impression to leave with ex

Incorrect impression to leave with ex

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Why I Date Younger Girls

Clarification: 
*By younger, I mean 5+ years younger than me and legal.  Pervs.
*By older, I mean closer to my age (not more than 4 years younger) and up.

Younger
Met a girl for a date at a county park.  She had arrived first and was sitting on a swing.  I pushed the swing before either of us exchanged any words.  She wheee-ed with joy.  I then chased her around parked cars in the parking lot.

Older
Asked a girl to meet me at the park for frisbee.  She declined, saying she didn’t want to step in dog poop.

Younger
Made out passionately with her and digitally aroused her under a streetlamp at 4AM.

Older
She told me “could you please close the blinds before we start?” when we were about to have sex.

Younger
Talked about double-headed dildos.

Older
Talked about the housing market.

Younger
Ordered a beer.  And then another.  And another.  And another.

Older
Returned the hummus because it wasn’t the right consistency.

Younger
Squealed happily with faux indignation when I called her a brat.

Older
Got seriously offended when I called her a brat.

Younger
Was completely open to visiting new places and trying novel things on dates.

Older
Had to be home by 11 for a big meeting the next morning.

Younger
Multi-orgasmic.

Older
Artificial lubrication required.

Younger
Firm, smooth flesh.  Naturally moistened lips.  Excellent buttock musculature.

Older
Spongy, chemically exfoliated flesh.  Addicted to chapstick.  Buttocks showing signs of weariness.

Younger
Loves spontaneously.

Older
Rations her emotions.

Younger women… it’s my only weakness.

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What A Girl’s Job Tells You

Here are my opinions of the sexual and relationship compatibilities of girls with the following jobs:

ADDENDUM:
Some of the commenters mentioned I left interns and staffers off the list.  I count these girls as part of the hr/marketing/pr brigade except they are burdened with much bigger egos, self-righteousness, and workaholic issues.  They all secretly want to hook up with an older powerful man.  They disdain artist types.
SSR:  full erection (come on, they’re all under 23. rigidity guaranteed)
LTPR:  varies (are you a congressman? lock her in. if not, use her and lose her)

It was an oversight by me to leave off saleswomen.  See: Lawyer and HR/Marketing/PR.  Much depends on how well she does in sales.  Because sales is so inegalitarian in how the field dispenses its rewards, you have to make a distinction between weekend warriors and the true success stories.  Is she a dilettante real estate agent?  She’ll be grounded and feminine.  Consider a long term investment in her.  Did she turn $250K in commissions as a pharm sales rep?  She’s just as alpha and ballcutting masculine as the BIGLAW lawyer.  Just remember, if she can compete with the most aggressive MEN and still come out on top, her vagina is coated with radioactive juices.

Note on lawyers:  Just because she may work for a non-profit doesn’t make her a kinder, gentler woman.  In fact, some of the most cutthroat lawyers work at non-profits since those positions are in demand and in short supply.  Moralism and megalomania is never a good combination.

Lawyer

Amoral alpha males with vaginas.  Their yin is so deeply buried they spend all their free time (2 hours per week) fantasizing about a powerful dominant man releasing their inner woman.  This is your cue to ratchet up the assholery.  Outside of i-bankers and fashionistas, you will not meet a more materialistic or status-conscious chick than a lawyer.  When she inevitably starts talking about what law school she attended and politicos she knows, put your finger up to her mouth and say “shhh… stop.  from now on we will talk about happy things.  tell me only the good things that come to mind about your childhood.”  Most lawyer chicks have large clits which they use to pin you down on the bed.  Making love to a lawyer means facefucking her till she pukes a little.  The gods of karmic retribution will be pleased with this.  Lawyers are always fucking over everyone else so this is your chance to return the favor.  Proceed with great relish.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  4/5th erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  don’t be a masochist

Human Resources/Marketing/Public Relations (99% of all women)

Since so many women work in these preposterous fields, it is hard to say anything definitive about them as romantic partners.  The only conclusions we can draw are that these women are people-persons (shocker!) and have ADD.  They could not sit still for a minute and reduce a fraction if their lives depended on it.  They are intuitive and fiercely catty, but also practical.  In fact, conventional wisdom to the contrary notwithstanding, women are more practical than men.  Let her believe you think her job is important and she will spread her legs for you unbidden.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  2/3rd erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  3/4 carat

Engineer (0.00001% of all women)

If there was ever an occupation created solely for the benefit of a man’s intellectual strengths, engineering is it.  So right off the bat you know that any female engineer will be weird.  Not necessarily assertively masculine like the female lawyer, but not typically feminine either.  Female engineers are the Holy Grail of male nerddom.  Every nerdo anime fanboy with Dungeon Master on his resume dreams of meeting and falling in love with a cute nerdgirl WHO IS EXACTLY LIKE HIM so that his autistic social retardation doesn’t get pushed to the breaking point like it would with a normal girl.
Minus: fornication mysteriously happens in between lengthy dissertations on string theory.
Plus: she can assume sex positions within a millimeter of spec.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  1/4th erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  5 carats

Elementary School Teacher

Pure gold.  Put this girl on your short list for long term commitment.  What’s not to love about the elementary school teacher?  Cute, thin (it’s a workout chasing kids all day), ultra feminine, nurturing, selfless, caring, and most importantly blessedly low maintenance due to the nature of her workplace environment sequestering her from the attentions of men.  The best ones teach 1st through 5th grades.  Women who supervise daycare are too toddler-focused and will love the kids more than you.  You will soon tire of her coo-ing at every baby you both pass by.  High school teachers are too stressed out from their job to properly service your manly needs at home.  Don’t bother with college professors unless you think foreplay is listening to an earful of pomo feminist shrillness.
Bonus:  teachers don’t make much money so your financial status will always be higher, guaranteeing a long and healthy relationship.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  3/4th erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  hope diamond (she’s not gonna have much opportunity to cheat at work)

Nurse

See:  elementary school teacher.  One caveat — the nurse is secretly a status whore.  Patients lean on her all day for comfort and assistance so when she gets home she wants nothing more for herself than a high status alpha male to lean on.  That is why you will often see nurses pairing up with military officers, stockbrokers, and executives.  The superfeminine gravitates to the supermasculine.  Surprisingly, nurses and doctors rarely date — perhaps they look for a partner in whom they can escape the human suffering they deal with on the clock, and not be reminded of it at home.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  1/3rd erection (full erection if she wears the nurse outfit)
Long Term Potential Rating:  cubic zirconia (it’s fun to fool status whores)

Scientist

Hidden gem.  The female scientist is reserved, taciturn, introspective, shy, and when they put some effort into how they look, cute — all wonderful traits for a woman to possess.  They ambitiously pursue abstract ideas, not material goals or oneupsmanship, so status competition with them will be minimal.  They are smart in the way people like their smarties — inwardly directed as opposed to outwardly manipulative.  This is a result of their smarts being spread out over both brain hemispheres rather than concentrated in just the right like most women.  The scientist’s natural creativity and systematizing impulse will express itself with magnificent attention to detail in the bedroom.  You will never get a better… or more meticulous… blowjob.
Minus:  she is ultimately rational and will give you exactly six months to propose.  No stringing along this chick.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  serviceable chubby
Long Term Potential Rating:  3 carats  (frumpy clothes and dorky competition encourage fidelity)

Stripper

Have you ever seen an unhappy man dating a stripper?  The novelty, bragging rights, and earthshattering sex are worth the drama.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  titanium rod
Long Term Potential Rating:  hide your valuables

Journalist

Don’t ask me why but for some reason these girls have absolutely no personal ethical code whatsoever.  Which may be why the journalism profession is in such disarray today and trusted by no one.  The she-journo will fuck around remorselessly with a dashing embed while her fiancee waits loyally at home for her return.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  3/4th erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  1/24 carat

Artist

Every man should experience at least once in his life the joy of dating an artist chick.  Painters, photographers, singers, freelance fiction writers, actresses… their exuberant lovemaking will spoil you for all other women.  Their beautiful romantic gestures will capture your heart.  Their craving for intimacy and their wellspring of empathy will draw you in.  And then right at the moment you fall deepest for her you will catch her one night frenching a half-shaven DJ at a seedy club.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  titanium rod minus refractory period
Long Term Potential Rating:  cracker jack box ring

CEO

Are you fucking kidding me?
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  flaccid
Long Term Potential Rating:  why bother?

Waitress

That’s more like it.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  7/8th erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  1/2 carat

Blogger

If she writes a confessional online diary, expect her to be passive-aggressive, petty, moody, cruel, untrustworthy, vengeful, and highly libidinous.  Make a sex tape as soon as it is feasible so you can use it as blackmail in the event of post-breakup threats to out your dirty laundry on her blog.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  N/A
Long Term Potential Rating:  N/A

I hope it hasn’t escaped anyone’s notice that sexual satisfaction and long term potential are inversely related.

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Prettiness = Sense of Entitlement

There are many factors that contribute to a woman believing the world should fall in her lap (for example, being an American), but none are as important as how she perceives her looks compared to other women.  I’ve found that the prettier a girl is, the more she feels entitled to special treatment and unearned rewards.

I remember this conversation I had with a woman I had been sexing for a couple months.  She was a solid 8 and turned many heads, and more pertinently, she knew it.  I glibly brought up the subject of men paying for women on dates; she took my half-serious bait and offered her deep thoughts on the matter.

Her:  I would never date a guy who didn’t pay for me on the first few dates.
Me:  Is that a hard and fast rule?
Her:  I’m not saying he has to spend a lot on dinners or whatever, but he does need to pay for me.
Me:  Why?
Her:  Because that’s what guys do for girls they are interested in.
Me:  And what do girls do for guys they are interested in?
Her:  Give them sex!
Me:  But guys give girls they like sex, too.  Shouldn’t that be enough compensation?  It’s even steven!
Her:  That’s different.  We can get that from anywhere.
Me:  So guys have to bring twice as much to the table as girls — their sex and their money.  Sounds like a fair trade-off.
Her:  Every guy I’ve ever dated paid for me.  Why should I expect less now?

She had a point.  Why stop the gravy train?  After all, I paid for her, although I take some pride in the knowledge that I most likely invested much less monetarily in her than her previous suitors to get the same piece of ass.  It’s like finding an awesome pair of shoes at DSW for 70% discount when everyone else is paying full price — you feel like you got one over on the plebe consumers.

Clearly, pretty girls feel entitled to a man’s money in exchange for the pleasure of her company, where in this case “company” is defined to mean her ability to sit still on a bar stool or a dining chair for the date minimum of 15 minutes and hear the guy’s pitch.

Why do they have this sense of entitlement?
Because they can afford to.  Behaviors change only when there is incentive to change or disincentive to maintaining the status quo.  As far as I can tell, most guys have not abandoned the man pays paradigm, so the beat goes on and will continue to go on unless human nature changes.

Which brings us to today’s handy chart.  Here I will illustrate how a woman’s sense of entitlement varies with respect to her attractiveness.

Woman’s Hotness                    Her Sense of Entitlement
0                                    Must pay for sex with any non-homeless man;
                                      feels entitled to walk away alive from any sexual
                                      encounter.
1                                    Expects man not to call her a “dirty filthy whore”;
                                     “cuntface” is OK, though.  Doesn’t consider knifings
                                     part of foreplay.
2                                   Expects man not to shout out another woman’s
                                     name during sex or to forget her name less than
                                     10 seconds after she told him it.
3                                   Expects man to open eyes at least once during sex;
                                     also expects no less than 1.5 seconds of post-coital
                                     cuddling not necessarily face-to-face.
4                                   Thinks man should at least pay for his own drinks;
                                     she will make a polite but disingenuous move to pull
                                     money out of her purse first when the bill comes.
                                     He’ll call her bluff.
5                                  Thinks man should split the check with her, but she
                                    winds up footing the bill while he covers the tip;
                                    feels entitled to one date before getting harangued
                                    for sex.
6                                  Expects to be wined and dined at a 2 star establishment;
                                    Wants a man to hold out for two dates before prodding
                                    her vulva with inanimate objects.
7                                Expects to be treated to drinks, dinner, and a non-matinee
                                    movie;  wants the man to spend twice as much on her as
                                    she spends on him; will judge him based on which sushi
                                    restaurant he takes her to; expects him to deal with at
                                    least one of her flake fits; will not put out until he has
                                    paid for a minimum of 3 dates.
8                               Feels entitled to spend absolutely nothing on dates;
                                   becomes highly offended if man even suggests splitting
                                   bill; will regularly show up late to dates as if it is her
                                   prerogative; 4 star establishments only – accepts no
                                   substitutes; will not be picked up in a toyota camry or
                                  honda accord; expects man to perform at least
                                   three chivalrous acts; won’t put out until date six; will
                                  flake twice and expect the man to take it.
9                               Feels entitled to forget man’s name; won’t even say
                                  ‘thank you’ when man pays the bill; looks in the
                                 mirror more than she looks at her date; expects his
                                 watch to cost as much as her emu-skin purse; talks
                                 about herself incessantly except when she asks the
                                 guy about his credit limit/job title/stock portfolio;
                                 won’t accept less than $200 being spent on her on
                                 any date pre-sex; will walk out on date if man’s
                                 shoes don’t comply with fashion industry standards
                                 of the week.
10                             Will not settle for less than a first date aboard his
                                 private yacht – 50 foot+ class only; expects payment in
                                  the form of pink diamonds before putting out; feels
                                 entitled to do absolutely nothing in bed.
10+American            The federal government was invented to placate her.

Of course, what a woman expects from a man she’s dating and what actually turns her on to want to fuck the guy are two different things.  If you are an alpha male and have lived a day in your life, you know the best way to please a woman who is hard to please is… to not try hard to please her.

‘Opposite George’ comes to mind here.

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The Lawyer Vs the Nanny

Here is a comparison of two girls I briefly dated.

Girl A

• occasionally tossed out five dollar words like “antinomian”
• never spoke about her job in detail or hinted that she liked it
• talked more than once about the school she attended and about her father’s accomplishments
• i paid for her drinks
• noticed my brand of watch
• smiled a lot
• had artsy photographs hanging on her walls
• on the way to my bedroom the first time she saw a pile of my dirty clothes on the floor and made a face
• skipped foreplay, went straight to gatling gun-style jackhammer sex
• assumed the doggy position unprompted

Girl B

• liked to kiss more than talk
• bought me drinks
• made me dinner with a table setting of wine candles and flowers
• never mentioned her father
• was bilingual
• took pictures with her digital camera and emailed them to me
• on the way to my bedroom the first time she giggled as I carried her
• much foreplay followed by lovemaking in front of a wall-length mirror where we watched ourselves
• was married and hid it from me
• said she loved me

Guess which girl was the six figure corporate lawyer and which was the nanny studying psychology part time at grad school.

I think it’s interesting how much of a girl’s personality and femininity I can predict based on her career.

ANSWER:
A – lawyer.

Lawyers are way too calculating to say they love you after only a short while dating.

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I Was an Attractive Woman for an Hour

I was standing around with Zeets at one of my favorite clubs when I was approached by a girl who immediately chatted me up.  I thought, here was an opportunity that doesn’t fall in my lap every day.

Unfortunately, the girl who opened me was fat and pig-faced.  And slightly inebriated.  Considering her beastliness, I was intrigued in a sort of scientifically curious way by her assertive demeanor and sky high self-confidence, so I didn’t blow her off right away.  A minute later her friends had joined us.  Zeets had engaged one of the friends in conversation and judging by his positive interest in her it looked like he would need my wingman duties to prevent grumpy cockblocking by the fat one.  This was my night to fall on the ammo dump.

Guys will understand what I’m about to describe.  It’s funny what happens when you are the object of an ugly woman’s affection.  You get uncomfortable at first, then annoyed that this girl presumes to think she is in your league, and finally cruel, just to be rid of her.  Now try keeping an ugly girl entertained for an hour.  It will test your patience to the limits and expose you to the risk of her thinking she has a chance with you.

So for an hour I experienced what it must feel like to be a hot girl getting hit on by a persistent beta with zero game.  And I reacted in exactly the same way a hot girl would react to a loser hitting on her.  Or like a young guy might respond to a cougar stroking his chest.

First came the questions.  She wanted to know so much about me.  I felt like I was being interrogated, so I evaded and gave her smart-alecky answers.

So what to you do?
I kick cats for fun and profit. 

She seemed to enjoy that.  The cockier I got the more she pressed.  Bad move on my part.  I switched gears and started giving her vanilla one word answers.  This seemed to work and she changed the subject to music hoping to gain more traction.

I really love the band Pussy Surrenders to Red Army.  Ever heard of them?
Yeah, they’re OK.
OMG, did you see their show last week?
Uh, you know, I listen to Celine Dion exclusively now.

Despite my strenuous effort to avoid reciprocating the rapport she so desperately tried to manufacture with me, she soldiered on.  As we were talking she was facing me directly while my body was at a 90 degree angle to hers.  I looked around at the rest of the room in between glances back at her to sustain a conversation I normally wouldn’t have.  I was literally giving her the cold shoulder.  When the mind is not racing with lust it’s easy to be keenly aware of your body language.

Next came the unsolicited compliments.  My negative body language was apparently not enough to cool her jets.  It only invited her to redouble her efforts.

You have great hair. I love your hair!
Uh, thanks.
It’s so soft.  [out of the corner of my eye I saw her hand reach up to touch my hair.  I instinctively jerked my head backwards.]
I don’t wash it.  Natural grease keeps it soft.
You’re the cutest guy in here.  No, seriously!  [my annoyance was rising.]
No, I think that guy is cuter over there.  And he’s checking you out.  You should talk to him.

Finally, the stream of unwanted flattery was over.  Only to be replaced by her touching me.  Lots of touching.
The forearm at first.
Then the hands.
The chest.
She tried to stick her hand in my jeans back pocket.
ew, ew, ew.
Out of the blue she reached up and caressed my cheek.
ew infinity.
She leaned in aggressively.  I leaned away from her.  Lean in, lean away.  I’d fall over soon at this rate.  I tensed up and closed off my body.  She stepped in closer.  I stepped away.  Step in, step away.  We were moving across the room like a dance of repelling magnets.  I actively and conspicuously checked out other girls in front of her as she talked.

She moved in to whisper something in my ear.  I jumped sideways.  We were now talking to each other from six feet apart.  This was a tolerable amount of personal space for me.

I prayed Zeets would number close soon.  I kept trying to get his attention and pass a non-verbal cue to hurry this up but he was in deep rapport with his target.  The Krakon shambled up and put her arm around my waist.  Sweet Lincoln’s mullet, get a couple of drinks in a girl and mix with a dusty vagina that hasn’t seen cock in years and it’s like standing in front of a Chinese tank — you’ll eventually get steamrolled.

Hey, you know, you should really go talk to your friends.  It’s kinda rude to ignore them like this.

I lifted her arm off me and walked away through the crowd to sit on a couch on the other side of the room.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  Zeets was on his own.  I did my part.  If she went back to her friends and messed up his game, I washed my hands of any responsibility.

My freedom wouldn’t last.  No sooner had I caught the eye of an attractive girl and prepared to make a move on her, my tormentor returned and plopped down on the couch next to me.  She scooted nearer and rested her hand on my leg.  I pushed it off.  She stared at me blankly.  Then, release.  The message got through.  She stood up and walked back to her friends, not dejected, but more like a proud but mortally wounded warrior who was forced to surrender.

Everything I said to her, and every way my body responded to her, I’ve seen hot girls do to guys they weren’t remotely interested in.  For an hour, I was that hot girl.

Minimized eye contact and looked down at my drink a lot?  Yes.
Answered questions tersely?  Yes.
No body language mirroring?  Yes.
Repositioned myself to avoid incidental physical contact?  Yes.
Got skeeved out when physical contact ocurred?  Yes.
Got progressively nastier with my comments?  Yes.
Scanned room for a savior to rescue me?  Yes.

The next step on my path to enlightenment would be to bottle the attitude I have with unattractive girls and invoke it when I’m in the company of a woman who really turns me on.  This would elevate me to the stage of playerdom where I exert very little effort to have girls working hard to win me over.

All this unpleasantness would be unnecessary if fat and ugly chicks just followed my simple words of advice:

Know your place.

It’ll make life easier for you and for everyone around you.

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