No Disturbance in the Force

Embarrassment is a beta emotion.

A year ago, I had number closed a waitress working her shift at a popular DC lounge.  We were able to build a halfway decent connection despite the fact that our conversation was interrupted every few minutes by a customer’s order.  Before I was about to leave I asked for her number.  She balked, and I thought maybe I had misread her interest.  But a quick glance around revealed otherwise – she didn’t want to be seen giving out her number in front of her boss and co-workers.  I told her to be a spy and go find a place to hide for a second, write her number on a piece of paper, and then return and secretly slip the paper into my hand as she walked by me.  I visually demonstrated how I would be holding my hand — down low against my side with my palm up turned backwards.  She slipped me the number 10 minutes later and I heard her giggle as she walked by, happy to get a chance to role play in between dealing with drunk patrons.  A couple days later I left a voicemail which she never returned.

I wasn’t surprised.  I gave it even odds that she would flake based on a mental checklist I made of her:

waitress:   -1
mid 20s:   -1
not enough rapport:   -1
lots of physical contact:   +1
conservatively dressed:   +1
demure:   +1
east european:   +1
large breasted:   -1

0

A few weeks after that encounter a friend called asking me to join him and entertain his date’s third-wheel girlfriend on promises that she was hot.  [editor’s note: he pumped the stock.]  He was not asking as a favor to me, though that was a potential side benefit, but as a way to demonstrate value to his new girlfriend that he could play matchmaker as well as pre-empt any sourpuss buzzkills by the single friend.  Motives don’t matter so much to me as long as I’m getting something out of the deal.

We went to the lounge where I had met the waitress, and she was working that night.  She recognized me with a double take when I walked in.  The four of us sat on a couple of couches and she came over to serve us.  Before I learned that women were to be treated like interchangeable commodities pre-sex, I would have found this situation awkward and uncomfortable.  One, for the reason that I’d feel obliged to pretend her flake, or even our conversation last time we met, never happened.  Two, for the misplaced discomfort I’d feel running game on another girl right under her nose.  These feelings faded away to uselessness once I realized that I have no obligation to ensure the peace of mind or social ease of any woman I have gamed or am considering gaming.  What’s more, with experience came the understanding that “awkward” situations which would make betas cringe and search for the nearest exit are in fact opportunities to increase the attraction voltage, and that they work on almost any woman.

While the waitress set our drinks down and I was palm-reading my date, I noticed a band-aid on her cheek along with the telltale flashing eyes and cocked grin of someone who was alternately uncomfortable and intrigued by my presence.  I didn’t stop holding my date’s hand when I turned to the waitress and began flirting with her all over again.  “I’d read your palm, too, but you might like what I have to say.”  [big smile, pointing to bandaid] “Wow, what happened?  Did you cut yourself shaving?”  I could see she was trying to figure me out.  I caught her a few times staring at me across the room from her post beside the bar.  On the way out, and with my date walking in front of me, I paused and told the waitress “Maybe we’ll get a chance to talk some more next time I’m in here.”

Devil-may-care nonchalance in the teeth of a socially tense moment is very attractive to women.  Like mirrors, women reflect our emotional state and if you are projecting awkwardness she will want to get away from you because she’ll start to feel the same way.  If a girl flakes on you, and you act as if nothing was amiss should you see her again, she will feel those quickening pulses of attraction for you.  As a player, never feel guilt or discomfort with your actions or with the whims of women.  You will be rewarded for your state control.

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Don’t be that girl

Women have a mental laundry list of traits they want in a man.  Unlike men, it is not so simple for them to see an attractive guy from across the room for a sum total of 1.5 seconds and immediately want to have sex with him, no questions asked.  They throw out hoops to jump through and head games to separate the worthy from the pretenders.  As sexual gatekeepers, women rely on this complex social interplay to assess a man’s rank and deny or grant him admission to her body.

A crucial part of seduction is role reversal.  You want to turn the tables on women and use their psyops against them.  A man can magnify his desirability simply by having standards beyond face, boobs, and bum.  It is intoxicating to a woman to be pursued by a man who will judge her for more than her looks.  That means sticking to a mental list of qualifications women must meet if they want to enjoy the pleasure of your company.  The trick is to pay it more than lip service; having standards means nothing if you don’t actually believe in them.

I know from experience and scientifically-valid astrological textbooks that certain character traits and behaviors are like signal flares of a drama-prone incompatible relationship.  If a girl jumps on top of a bar to dance for an appreciative audience on our first date I know she will be a poor choice for a girlfriend but a great ride for a torrid fling.

To any girl I meet:  when I strike up a conversation with you this is what is going through the back of my head:

Don’t be that girl…

… who thinks diamonds are a better best friend than a dog

… who lost touch with her femininity

… who has given up on love

… who pretends she can play like a boy

… who flakes

… who knows what she wants a little too surely

… who is an attention whore

… who is practiced in the art of aloofness and indifference (that’s my job)

… who cannot handle teasing

… who has sexual hangups

… who cannot take a sincere compliment

… who has lost her joie de vivre

… who doesn’t understand that men and women complement, not compete with, each other

… who re-applies her make-up every 10 minutes

… with daddy issues

… who doesn’t at least reach for the check

… who likes being a trophy a little too much

… who reads between every line

… who curses and flips the bird a lot

… who uses too much trendy slang

… who will accept flirting from other men while we are out on a date

… who mugs for invisible cameras

… who is externally validated

This may seem like an exhaustive, impossibly unrealistic list, and for  most girls maybe it is, but compared to the list of demands I occasionally read on craigslist from the sorts of women who’d be happier in love if they paid for it, I don’t think I’m asking for much.

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The 2/8/2 Rule

In my experience there is a simple and steadfast rule that governs serial dating for men who play the field.  For every 12 women a man dates, 2 of those 12 will be hot by his standards, 8 will match him in attractiveness, and 2 will be below his standards.  (12 is the magic number since studies on the mathematics of love have shown that on average that is the number of partners a man or woman must date before finding ‘the one’.)

This rule applies to the average guy who is socially competent and reasonably comfortable around women and who has command of some basic game.  Men with crippling dating handicaps like having more than 1,000 life-hours logged on World of Warcraft should focus on dating one or two women of any caliber.

The 2/8/2 Rule is not a prescription for dating success, but an observation of the courtship patterns of most players.  The rule seems to describe a “stasis point” that men reach when they are actively dating around and have settled into a comfort zone where a balance is struck between hot sex and emotional stress.  Since the rule is fluid, any changes in the strength and consistency of a man’s game will move his ratios positively or negatively.

Ideally, you want a 12/0/0 ratio but that would require masterful game plus objectively high status.  It is a rare man indeed who manages a 0/0/12 ratio.  These types are the gammas who have dropped all standards in order to satisfy their indiscriminate sexual appetites.  You will find them at NAAFA mixers and retirement community bingo halls.  0/0/0 men are betas who refuse to budge on their impossibly high standards and instead find an outlet for their probable low sex drives in porn.

2/8/2 is comfortable for most men because it gives them the opportunity to stretch their boundaries a little while not stressing them out too much.  Since regular sex without stupendous effort with girls who pass their attractiveness threshold is the principle driving force of men, the bulk of their partners will be the kinds of women other people think are “right” for them.  Interestingly, while the game needed to close these mediocre women is unexceptional, the learning gained from being in a relationship with them is much more valuable than any time spent with very hot women.  This is because a man can go much deeper with a moderately attractive woman, pushing his game and relationship strategies in all sorts of new directions, without running the risk of her suddenly leaving.  A drop-dead gorgeous woman is apt to walk out on him at the slightest infraction of her emotional checklist.  His room for error is razor-thin.

This is not to say he should forego aiming high.  It is optimal to have put in the effort and bedded at least 2 high quality girls out of the 12 total — the kinds of girls that make other people say “what the hell is she doing with him?”  His game needs occasional shakeups like a bodybuilder needs a new eating regimen or a new exercise routine to bust out of a plateau.  Only girls whose beauty takes his game to the breaking point are capable of inspiring him to unimagined heights.  Any more than 2, though, and he will likely crumble under the pressure, retreating to the familiarity of porn and 3AM garbage time.  Bend the ego, don’t break it.

At the tail end, he’ll dumpster dive with a couple of fuglies.  As long as he’s quiet about it and wasted little effort chasing her, he can avoid a crisis of self-esteem.  Gaming unattractive girls is sometimes necessary to end dry spells.  Hapless beginners and insatiable male hos are the most common types of pursuers of the easy notch.  Be careful not to make it a habit.

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One Surefire Way to Bait a Breakup

for the caring, sensitive man who stops at nothing to spare the feelings of the girl he wants to dump.

“I hope if we have kids one day we don’t have a hot daughter cause… woo!… you know, I don’t know how I’ll control myself.”

field tested.  motherfucker approved.

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Her Opinion is of No Consequence at All

In the event I ever feel compelled to ask a girl I am dating for her opinion on aspects of me that relate to my attractiveness to women in general, I always take into account the balance of power in our relationship.  If she perceives her value to be lower than mine, true or not, then I know not to expect an objective, unbiased opinion from her when discussing those things that might enhance my sexual marketability.

One such subject matter is fashion.  In an age when women are abandoning their natural calling to nurturing, monogamous relationships with reliable providers for the player lifestyle of serial flings practiced by men, the modern man has learned to accept that an eye-catching sense of style is an increasingly important tool in his efforts to sell himself to women.  But straight men are so far behind the fashion curveball that they have had to turn to the women in their lives for advice on how to dress seductively.  They usually turn to girlfriends.  This is a mistake.

No girlfriend has ever given me a straight answer on anything that wasn’t distorted in some way by her fear of losing me to another woman.  If I’m shopping for new clothes with a girl who is really into me, she’ll do her best to frump me out in baggy button down shirts a size too large and in formless Hanes Beefy T’s.

sexxxy

From her perspective, this makes perfect sense.  She is emotionally invested in me so the last thing she wants is for me to look good enough to other women to be a flight risk.  It will only make her more insecure having to deal with the flirtations of boyfriend-stealers.  If you have one of these girls in your life, don’t expect her to ever approve of that tight designer shirt tailored to accentuate your masculine ‘V’.  Your best bet is to go shopping with girl buddies who secretly harbor an infatuation with you.  They will act out their fantasies through the clothes they make you try on.     

Your other option is to date girls who think they are higher value than you.  This type of girl will actually work to make you look better because so much of her validation is wrapped up in how others judge her choice in boyfriend.  The trade-off is that you’ll be dating a self-absorbed princess.  But at least you’ll look good.

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