Kevin Smith Game

Reader James has a game-related question:

Hey Heartiste I’ve got a question. What do you make of this:

On a couple of occasions I had college age girls strike up conversation with me by telling me I looked like someone they knew. In a third occasion I just recalled while writing this, another college girl struck up a conversation with me while waiting in line at the grocery store by claiming I looked like Kevin Smith of Silent Bob fame (in all three scenarios I was overweight and in all likelihood sporting a homeless person style beard since I was too lazy to shave. I’m also pretty tall, a bit over 6′, but physically that was likely my only positive trait.) whom she was a huge fan of. In one of the bus cases, the girl was telling her fat friend she needed a boyfriend because she was stressed and wanted to “blow off some steam”, and she must know I heard the conversation since they were only a meter or two away from me. Grocery store chick was standard issue swpl, 6-7 by most men’s standards I would estimate. Blow some steam girl was pretty hot, probably an 8. Second bus girl looked similar to grocery store girl, only she had short hair (huge turn-off) so I can’t give her more than a 5.

I figure they were all lame pick-up attempts, but who the fuck tries to pick up a guy who looks like a hobo? so I’m gonna ask some of the experts for a second opinion.

Fame is such a powerful aphrodisiac for women that even the flimsiest simulacrum of it can redound beneficially to a man. Yes, if you look like a famous dude, no matter how physically repulsive that famous dude is in real life, you can score pussy off of your gift. Sometimes this works despite the girl knowing you’re a lookalike.

Kevin Smith may look like a hobo, but he’s famous, and chicks will spread for all sorts of famous men, no matter how dirty, ugly or smelly they are. (The same is not true for men, as demonstrated by the professed romantic travails of ugly Hollywood actresses who don’t get anywhere near the lustful attentions that ugly Hollywood actors get.)

You’ve never seen a woman’s rationalization hamster spin its wheel so fast than when the roided-up rodent is giving a presentation to the Figurehead Ego in the corner cortex trying to convince him that the vehicular meat unit ensconcing both of them needs this ugly, unhygienic, drug-addicted famous guy’s seed pronto.

Figurehead Ego: He’s only interested in a one night stand.

Hamster: We can win him over. And it’ll feel better than that five year grind we had with Bob from accounting.

Figurehead Ego: We’re just a groupie to him, like all the others.

Hamster: We’re not like all the others. Look at how he smiles at us.

Figurehead Ego: He’s going to forget us before the morning is over.

Hamster: We can beat the morning odds with a well-timed home-cooked breakfast. We’ll be unforgettable.

Figurehead Ego: Did you read in the tabloids how he had a different girl on his arm last week?

Hamster: You can’t believe everything the tabloids say.

Figurehead: And how he was in a group orgy with Victoria’s Secret supermodels on his birthday?

Hamster: Mere rumors. Anyhow, those girls are sluts.

Figurehead: And how he got married in a private ceremony last month?

Hamster: He doesn’t love her.

Figurehead Ego: And how he cheated on his wife?

Hamster: Open relationship. Don’t you just love honest men?

Figurehead Ego: And he punched a homeless guy in the nose?

Hamster: He was probably asking for it. Those bums can get pushy.

Figurehead: Ok, but what about his drug addictions?

Hamster: He’s a tortured soul.

Figurehead Ego: His run-ins with the law?

Hamster: His passion sometimes gets the better of him.

Figurehead Ego: The facial contusions he gave to his ex-girlfriend?

Hamster: Oh god.

Figurehead Ego: What?

Hamster: I just tingled.

Figurehead Ego: Yeah, I could feel that seismic shift all the way up here. What about the shit smell emanating from the seat of his pants?

Hamster: I don’t smell anything. But if I do smell something wafting delightfully under my nose, it must be his musky cologne. More men should be so confident to wear such unapologetically masculine scents.

Figurehead Ego: And the flies buzzing around his head? It looks like he hasn’t bathed in a month.

Hamster: He’s in touch with nature.

Figurehead Ego: And the yellow stains in the pits of his t-shirt?

Hamster: He doesn’t care what people think of him. So sexy!

Figurehead Ego: He just farted in front of you.

Hamster: Authenticity.

Figurehead Ego: And I suppose you’re Ok with the log he left in the toilet.

Hamster: It looks like Jesus.

Figurehead Ego: Or that he’s a D-lister who hasn’t had a profitable hit in ten years.

Hamster: He’s FAMOUS. Didn’t you see the TMZ photo of him pissing on the front steps of that rape crisis center?

Figurehead Ego: Or that he’s going absolutely nowhere in life.

Hamster: But I love him.

Figurehead Ego: And his dick is rumored to be small…

Hamster: It’s all I need.

Figurehead Ego: …and he’ll come in two seconds.

Hamster: I’ll come in one second.

Figurehead: And you can forget about post-coital cuddling.

Hamster: Not when he sees what a catch I am. He’ll hold me forever and ever and never let go.

Figurehead Ego: You tired yet?

Hamster: NOPE.

Figurehead Ego: Look, let me put this to you straight. He’s going to use you as a convenient hole to get his rocks off. He will demand ass privileges (something, need I remind you, you haven’t given to any man before, even your ex-husband) and you will get nothing you want in return. He will, if the drugs don’t first kill his erection, face fuck you until you’re gagging and tasting hot tears. He will then kick you out of his hotel room, with perhaps an autographed pillow mint as a consolation prize. He’s not going to call you back. He’s not going to take your calls. He will pretend he never knew you when people ask. He doesn’t love you, he never will love you, and he will never marry you, buy you a house, or (knowingly) have children with you. In fact, it’s very likely he will despise you approximately fifteen seconds after he has unceremoniously deposited his demon seed in your ululating vagina. Afterwards, men you actually have a decent shot at winning commitment from will hear of your slutty reputation and avoid you like the plague. There is nothing in the world you can do to alter this guaranteed outcome. Second thoughts?

Hamster: Aren’t these garden flowers pretty?

Figurehead Ego: I give up.

Hamster: OMG, he’s pointing at me. And now he’s pointing at his crotch. *SWOON*

***

So here’s my suggestion to you, reader, the next time a girl mistakes you for Kevin Smith. Run with it. What’s that, you say? You’re ethical? Tough shit. Go home and play with your Epictetus.

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OkCupid Corruption & Online Dating Tactic

I’ve always wondered how much database integrity online dating websites maintain. It would be very easy for an insider with a grudge or a boner to do the metaphorical equivalent of downvoting any one particular user’s profile. Now a reader writes to fuel my suspicions:

An ex of mine, who is/was merely an active OkCupid user, once gloated to me that she was given administrator access, ability, and privilege at the site, simply for being a cool femme type. Of course our side doesn’t get gifted with such love.

Her suggestion was that, if I ever got back on after we broke up and started scoring poon again, she could look in on me and invent ways to harass me.

Worthwhile intel for the Chateau. Wonder how pervasive that sort of thing is.

I can believe this. Imagine the hard-up nerdlings that code and administer dating sites. One of their cute babe customers gets in contact with the denizens of the IT deep. Falling over themselves with glee at having secured the (faked) attention of a non-fat whale for once in their lives, and recognizing the awesome power they wield within their manboobed, pinched milieu, they’d probably bend over backwards faster than a prepubescent Chinese gymnast to shower her with Gifts of the Honorary Vagi, which would include supersecret access to all sorts of supposedly well-guarded user data. Never underestimate the rapidity with which an undersexed nerd will give away the farm and betray his principles for a cute girl with a flirty vibe.

So, is it pervasive? Who knows. Is it probable? Yeah.

Online dating is really a shit show for (non-gaming) men. Besides the back room subterfuge and the cosmically awful ratio of men to women, you also have to deal with blowback effects from profiles that stay up after you’ve met and banged a girl. Why would a man feel like putting time and effort into a girl he’s banged when he sees her continuing to log into her profile? Online dating may streamline meeting girls feeding girls attention, but it also undermines investing in them. It’s the perfect vehicle to distribute the products of the 21st century mating market.

While online dating websites are not my go-to sexonomy, there are ways to sufficiently exploit their information asymmetries and competitor contrast opportunities to get laid fairly regularly off of them. Reader “A. Veidt” offers an example:

I’m a skeptic of “online dating” (even the term is a contradiction: dates do not happen outside of tactile range), mostly because I think chicks lie in their close-cropped five-year-old profile pictures. But I also go where the pussy is, and increasingly, it’s possible to find some decent women on free sites like OKCupid. And anyway, sometimes I’m bored at work.

The key to getting a decent return on investment is to invest as little as humanly possible in any one girl until you’ve got a phone number and a firm commitment for a time to meet up (in your neighborhood, somewhere quiet and cheap). Girls on these sites get ridiculous numbers of messages, and I’m convinced that’s why many otherwise sort-of-attractive women (who surely don’t need okcupid to get men) sign up: they love the one-way, no-commitment flow of attention. Log in once a week, read your adoring fanboy mail, and log off without answering any of it. What could be better? It’s like having a Dial-a-Beta.

As a consequence, messaging girls with the standard shit is a waste of time. “Hey, you like Perks of Being a Wallflower? Me too!” Give me a break. They’ve heard it all before: every piece of information in their profile has been used by some sad sack to try and open them. So, instead, I wrote a stock opener that I use on literally everyone. It saves time. Log in for five minutes a day, paste this to five chicks you think are interesting, and move on with your life. Plus, it’s unusual, so it might knock an attention-seeker off her pedestal and get her to (even though she hadn’t planned on it) actually write back. Here it is:

SUBJ: the bet

“so, obviously you’re aesthetically interesting, but a buddy of mine was looking over my shoulder just now and claimed that – without a doubt – your profile was written by a guy; he says any profile with so little information makes him suspicious.  [EDITOR’S NOTE: change the part after the semicolon as needed. it doesn’t matter what it actually says. don’t make it complimentary, and don’t get specific. if it’s a confusing non sequitur, so much the better. run, hamster, run.]

he claimed that there were a million dead giveaways. I came to your defense, of course, but it got a little out of hand and now we’ve got a $20 bet going as to whether or not you’re really a girl. so, just between you and me, am I about to lose $20?”

It seems retarded to me, but it keeps working. I think girls love the unusual nature of the accusation and relish the chance to prove themselves; they like the framing of a guy who’s hanging out with his friends and not sitting around lonely at home; and, of course, it’s a neg. That’s why it’s important not to compliment her except in the most oblique and ambiguous way (“aesthetically interesting”—you may have to tone this down for the stupider chicks. sometimes I use “interesting looking.” don’t say pretty.)

I sent that message verbatim to a girl today and got the following response back within hours:

“Without a doubt, more than anything I know, I am 100% female. My profile was written by me, sincere and honest.

Meaning, if this bet is real, your friend lost $20 and you should take me out for a drink with your winnings.

:)”

I have gotten this response back close to verbatim many times. “I’m a girl! Tee hee! Use your winnings to take me out!” After this, game as normal; get her phone number, meet up within a couple of days, and treat her like any other chick. (Which means, don’t actually start serving up drinks from your fictitious winnings, of course. You would, but you lost that $20 back to your buddy—it’s sort of an interesting story actually . . .)

(Two pics of the girl, who’s 23, are attached; I’d ask that you not use them on the site, but I figured you need some way to judge personally whether this just works on fatties and uglos.) [ed: the chick is a cute, slender blonde.]

Anyway, I don’t want to see the world oversaturated with this opener, but there are so many retards on OKCupid that I don’t think it’ll be a problem. Girls join the site every day and leave just as regularly; there’s always fresh blood. Plus, after biting Style’s material for years, I figure I should give back when I stumble upon something that works.

Any Chateau readers out there have similar low-investment, high-yield material for sorting through the bullshit on online sites?

The floor is open. I believe there are online game techniques in the archives of this blog as well. FYI, I’ve used the “are you really a girl?” line once on a girl I was picking up through a dating website. It wasn’t calculated game so much as a glib throwaway joke at her expense, but she did respond with glitter and confetti popping out of her vagina. Chicks love having to prove themselves to men. When they are in the defensive crouch answering your challenge, your perceived value experiences a passive rise. That’s because girls will appraise men to whom they have qualified themselves as necessarily being worthy of their sycophancy.

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The Top Three Qualities That Make A Girl Good Girlfriend Material

There are many “tells” women have that, unbeknownst to them, signal to the men they are dating their worthiness as long-term investments. The tell number could very well be in the thousands, and, yes ladies, we men are attuned to all of them, in greater or lesser perspicacity, and with conscious awareness or, more often and more insidiously, with subconscious awareness.

But there’s value in narrowing the list to the top three tells, and clarifying them for the less experienced men (betas) so that they are armed with the foreknowledge to actively avoid those women who would make bad girlfriends or wives. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cuckoldry.

So here they are: The top three girlfriend material qualities, in no particular order.

1. She exercised and ate healthily before she met you, and she continues to do so after you start dating her seriously.

Marriage counselors and platitudinal couples therapists can stow their poppycock psychology aka feminist fantasy books. The biggest warning sign that a relationship is about to fail is the growing size of the woman. The fatter and more shapeless she gets, the more her man’s eyes will wander, his empathy will wither, and his heart will shut down. A girl who has spent years cultivating good lifestyle habits that ensure she retains her slender, hourglass figure for as long as possible is a girl who, on a fundamental emotional level, respects men’s needs and seeks to fulfill them. Feminists and assorted broken cunts don’t care about their appearance because they loathe male desire. That is why they are so unpleasant to be around for longer than it takes to deliver a hate-fueled hot jizz payload.

A woman who works to stay as good-looking as she can within the constraints of her genetic endowment is signaling that she has a generous heart and a magnanimous soul. The care with which she comports herself will spill over into care for your well-being and support for your aspirations.

2. She rarely disparages her girl friends or snipes about their flaws behind their backs.

The girl who is forgiving of her friends’ flaws, who does not feel a compulsion to privately tear them down in order to lift herself up, is a rare jewel indeed, for the natural proclivity of The Woman™ is to backbite, snark and gossip about female competitors, real and imagined, until her ego tank is filled to brimming again. What care should men have about this peculiar trait of the unfairer sex? I’ll tell you. If she’s quick and all too enthusiastic to trash her friends in private, she’ll be quick and all too enthusiastic to demean your manhood in the privacy of her mind. And once she’s gone down that road, the mental demeaning begins its twisted manifestation into nagging and sex withdrawal. Unlike a man with a vendetta, a judgmental bitch has a scattershot target designator; don’t be surprised if one day her gun of ingratitude is aimed directly at you.

However, expecting a girl to be nonjudgmental at all times is unrealistic. Women are born with the neural roadmap to gossip because it aids their sex in maximizing resources for their (eventual) families. But we can draw lines between women who occasionally indulge this instinct and women who wallow in it like a pig in mud. When you’re with your date, is she constantly running down her supposed BFFs? Does her face light up when an opportunity presents to sneer about a friend’s recent nose job? Beware, because you are staring at the dark heart of borderline personality disorder and unfettered narcissism, the latter a characteristic that is particularly galling and self-immolating in women when taken to unhealthy extremes.

A girl who is patient with and tolerant of her friends will extend the same to you. This then is an excellent foundation upon which to build a relationship that will have to, necessarily due to the nature of two parties with competing reproductive goals, navigate shoals in the future. A girl like this will also be more tolerant of your manly desire, and, instead of cutting down her competition, will work on herself so that she can compete with the best of them for your love.

3. She has not had many past lovers, and she is not a constitutional flirt who will invite the temptation of more lovers.

Lovefacts to make a feminist’s vagina explode angrily in a shower of dustballs: The more partners a woman has had, the more likely she is to divorce you. Sluts really are bad long-term prospects for men. They are great lays, but they are bad ideas as girlfriends or wives. So be on the lookout today for any and all slut tells a girl will reveal in the course of dating her. It could save you a divorce theft tomorrow.

But it’s not always easy to unearth a woman’s sordid past (rule of thumb: your working assumption should be that her past is more sordid than it is modest). So you have to rely on other, more immediate cues of future unfaithful whorishness. That’s where a keen eye for her propensity to switch on a dime into flirt mode will serve you well. Constitutional flirts, aka eternal ingenues, while fun in the beginning for their sexual promise and alluring coyness, can quickly become stressful headaches within the confines of a relationship. Watch for how effortlessly she can segue from poised girl into seductive flirt when other men are around. Does it come a little *too* naturally for her? Then you, my friend, are playing with vagina fire. A girl who loves to flirt, and indulges frequently with or without you, is a girl who is one private moment in the after hours office meeting room from cheating on you.

Now, personally, I love flirty women. So walking the fine line between enjoying the company of flirts and suffering the crassness of flakes has presented challenges. Obviously, I look for women who moderate their urges to flirt. A girl who generously throws off a flirty vibe that once in a blue moon time because she feels especially good about the way she looks, or because it’s her birthday, is no trouble to dating stability. The girl who flirts with her girlfriend’s boyfriend on a random Wednesday night because, oh, she wants ALL the men’s attention, and burgers are half price, is a girl you should consider fucking and chucking after a few months pretending you’re into her that way.

More importantly, does she direct her flirting to me, or to the world? Some girls just can’t get their attention whore fix without a large audience of men. Other girls, the better ones, are satisfied getting their ego fixes from their lovers alone. If a girl I am dating likes to flirt, but she finds her outlet role playing Seductress Joan with me rather than sidling up like the town courtesan to every meathead with a hungry glare, I bump her to the top of my LTR potential list.

I hope this post is equally informative for the women reading as it is for the men. You ladies have a duty too, if you want to capture the heart of a high value man, and keep it:

Be fit.

Be forgiving.

Don’t be a foul slut.

If you think about it, that’s not asking much compared to the grind that the average man has to endure to claim a single pussy as his own.

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Your Training To Delight Women

Players and unaffiliated men who labor to pass on the Good Word of Game usually admonish neophytes that borderline uncomfortable numbers of approaches need to be made in order to become proficient at pickup. You’ve got to get out there and talk to more women than you would normally do in the course of a nondescript day.

This message is a good one. You won’t get good at the crimson arts until you’ve put in some real world practice interacting with lots of different women. The exact number is irrelevant; whether it takes you ten or one thousand approaches to improve doesn’t change the undeniable reality that very few men have the ability to go from video gaming malaise to WunderJuan on their first approach.

You could say that the approach mentality, at least during the learning curve stage, is a core principle of game.

There’s one other core game principle that I don’t see mentioned very much, if at all, in the pickup literature. In my view, it’s just as important a principle as approaching girls enough times to trespass beyond your comfort zone. That principle is the “find and foment her flaws” theory.

The idea is simple. Every woman you meet, from friend to love prospect to the barest acquaintance, and every woman who crosses your field of visual inspection, will be subject to your exceedingly judgmental eye. You will search, find and declare to yourself her flaw or flaws. If propriety and privacy allows it, you will verbalize her flaw so that it may become cemented in your wavering cortex and banish all doubt of the flaw’s authenticity. It is a well-kown fact among the big-toothed motivational speaker circuit that saying aloud slogans of self-encouragement or life goals helps the chanter sculpt corporeal heft to his dreams.

So, for example, you see a woman in the mall riding an escalator. Her sundress flounces insouciantly from above you. An incipient boner stirs. But this time, instead of allowing your beta twerpitude the run of your skullcase and straining to catch imagined glimpses of panty, you silence the dork force and, with proud stentorian innerauthority, jot a solid mental note of her larger-than-ideal thighs. Safe distance permitting, you might even rumble in a dampened voice to yourself, “Hm, thunder thighs. Too much speckle.”

You will enact this devious scheme for every attractive and not-so-attractive woman who has the misfortune of falling prey to your daggered gaze. Only the obvious sexual market losers of femaledom — the grossly obese, the crassly ugly, the desiccated old — will be exempt, for their flaws are so prominently obscene they need no reminding nor rooting.

What is the purpose of Principle #2? To balance gender sheets?

Certainly, you could argue with strong evidence that women are particularly unforgiving of men’s flaws, in the private if not in the public, being as how they are slaves to a much more powerful hypergamous force that excels at weeding out stellar-lite suitors with extreme prejudice. A little harsh judgment from you is just giving women a taste of the moldy bread they daily give to men.

But, no, that’s not the purpose, as vengefully titillating as that seems. The purpose is purely practical. The finding and fomenting of women’s flaws conditions the beta male mind to accept the attainability of women, and to discard the reflexive sanctification of women. No master seducer who ever lived believed even one woman was unattainable by him, nor that any woman was a flawless vessel of purity. The seducer loves women, but his love is vast enough to revel in women’s flaws. And that is why he wins.

The beta male who conditions himself thus, by his efforts to discover the flaws in women kept hidden to him by the shadow of his turgid lust cast around his vision, will slowly feel the power and the strength of the Attitude, that indomitable voice that rises like the Great Scrotum from the pubic patch and delivers with valedictorian presumption the message that no woman is out of reach or free of exploitable insecurities, the exploiting of which by a savvy man she herself would be ashamed to admit thrills her to the clitbone.

Returning to escalator girl, here are some more examples of flawmobbing.

– skewed eyes
– narrow hips
– rumpled blouse
– misshapen boobs
– nip/tuck victim
– manhands
– roo pouch
– clown feet
– incipient hump
– jug ears
– wasted calves
– bow-legged
– flabby arms
– pigeon-toed
– broad shouldered
– excessive peach fuzz
– asymmetric nostrils
– ETC

I can already hear the gripers. “But I just saw the hottest chick ever and she looked PERFECT! I couldn’t find anything wrong with her.”

There is always something wrong with a girl, no matter how beautiful. You may have to dig a little deeper, but you’ll find her thermal exhaust port with a practiced keen eye. Note that any of the above can easily apply to the hottest girl you have ever seen. That’s the beauty of the flawfinding mission: it unearths the normally overlooked blemishes scattered among a girl’s mien that her general beauty tends to obscure to men. If you socialize with a girl and gain insight into her personality, you have even more data from which to devise withering, silent judgments.

Once you have gotten reliable at noticing and promoting women’s flaws, their beauty will no longer hold such paralyzing power over you. Conditioned to emphasize a woman’s worst and attenuate her best, you will become a cad machine, irresistible to the fairer sex who will react shaken from their stupor by your dispassionate demeanor and feel the threat of your pervasive critical eye with senses aflame.

Maxim #30: Ignore a woman’s flaws at your peril. They are the key to reconfiguring your perception, and thus her attainability.

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More Scientific Evidence That Chicks Dig Jerks

A reader writes, “We’re getting close to definitive proof that (most) chicks dig jerks.” Yes, we are.

Single women had their brains scanned as they looked at photos of men. The pictures had been subtlely altered to make the men’s faces more or less masculine.

The more masculine faces won out in terms of attraction — but the areas of the brain that were activated indicated these faces were also ones the women found most threatening. [ed: :shock:]

The group found a few interesting results. First, compared with the feminized faces, masculinized faces led to more activity in five specific brain areas: the left superior temporal gyrus, bilateral precentral gyrus, right posterior cingulate cortex, bilateral inferior parietal lobule, and bilateral anterior cingulate cortex. These areas have been implicated in face processing as well as the assessment of risk, suggesting that, consciously or not, masculinized faces are perceived as not only more attractive but also more dangerous. The effect was quite robust considering just how slightly the faces had been morphed.

Let that sink in. Brain scans prove that women are attracted to threatening men. The female hamster has just been CAT-scanned, x-rayed and magnetically resonanced, and the wicked truth behind all the feelgood claptrap and feminist boilerplate is revealed for the world to gaze upon with eyes half-shut at the gruesome sight, repulsed and yet fascinated:

Chicks dig jerks. Assholes. Douchebags. Dangerous motherfuckers.

Another clue Rihanna may be getting back together with Chris Brown … the two partied at the same club at the same time last night … AGAIN.

Chris and Rihanna were spotted at Avenue nightclub in NYC. Sources at the club tell us the two were in the club together for roughly 30 minutes … and Brown spent some time hanging out at Rihanna’s table.

I’m fond of saying the boner doesn’t lie. The same could be said of lit-up neurons; hard to fake that funk.

I predict there will be much gnashing and flapping of labia from the usual suspects (manboobs included) about this latest study to prove that chicks love the badboy. But the evidence is irrefutable and really beginning to pile up that women are hard-wired to tingle for a dark triad.

For those of you who insist — INSIST, damn you! — that they’ve never needed to be an asshole to get women, I’ve only this to ask:

When was the last time you successfully picked up a hot, young woman?

HOT

YOUNG

Get it?

If you’re married to a frump, a plain jane, a cow (and odds are, you are), a has-been… well, no wonder you don’t need to be a jerk to keep her around. She’s got no options. She’s just grateful a man is willing to stick with her.

But the chicks with options… the ones who can pick and choose from among many men… the IN-DEMAND ones… they love the dickish dick.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. I’ve never gotten more radical, more INSTANT, positive results when hitting on cute babes than when I deliberately amped up my asshole vibe. I mean, to the point of nearly insulting them. Eyes brightened and sparkled, legs uncrossed, fingertips danced all over my arms. And these were the upper class smart chicks with multiple degrees.

If you *have* to choose between being a niceguy and a total dickwad when picking up high value women…

ALWAYS err on the side of dickwad.

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Friendzoned By A Whore

A more nauseating example of inept betatude would be hard to find. Reader Will sent a link to this plaintive wail from a forum member (I have no idea what communities these forums are meant to serve) who is perplexed that a whore he visits regularly no longer sees him “that way”.

been seeing the same prostitute for a few months. Lost my virginity to her, only person I’ve ever fucked. She’s semi attractive and not too expensive. Normally do it in a hotel but I can’t afford it and just invite her back to my place. We fuck for the amount of time I paid for. Just as she is about to leave she sees my dvd of an old film called “a matter of life and death”. Says thats her favourite film, asks if she can watch it. We watch a film together, we don’t do anything. She phones up the next day and asks if I want to hang out. When we meet up I ask if I can have sex with her. She tells me no, because she thinks we have gotten too close. asks if we can be friends. Did I get friendzoned by a prostitute? What can i do to fuck her again?

To be LJBFed by a whore is quite an accomplishment. It’s like a restaurant manager turning away a thundering herd of famished NAAFA members. Some people are so disgusted by their clientele they’re willing to take a hit to the bottom line.

Let’s suspend disbelief about the anecdote above for a moment so that we can extract the valuable game lessons contained therein.

1. Girls who see you as long-term boyfriend material will be less likely to put out for you in a timely manner.

2. Girls who have fucked you but begin to have feelings for you will start to withhold sex in hopes that an emotional connection can grow, free from the confusing entanglement of sex. Girls often believe, with some justification, that a “love connection” — aka your efforts to remember trivial details about them — can only emerge in an emotional greenhouse where your needs as a man are left outside in the cold.

3. It’s nearly impossible to turn an overtly paid sexual outlet into an emulated unpaid sexual outlet. This is why you should never tip strippers you intend to bang.

4. Making it a habit to pay for sex will corrupt a man’s ability to relate to women, and his willingness to learn how to seduce them. This is why men who have to pay for sex are rightly classified as loser omegas. The need to turn to whores for sexual relief, plus the distance from women’s particular psychological needs that paying for sex creates, renders the john almost useless as a potential mate without the crutch of cash in advance.

5. When a whore despises you so much she refuses your money, kill yourself. When a whore feels glimmers of real closeness to you that she refuses your money, the last thing you want to do is dispatch with her attempts to relate to you as a non-john by immediately requesting sex when you hang out with her. That’s just autistic, son.

6. Never watch a film with a girl if you don’t plan on touching her during it. A two hour non-sexual vibe will dampen a tingle faster than a ripped fart. In front of her friends.

7. To a whore, a nonsexual beta male friend is way more valuable than a lover or a fuckbuddy, the latter of whom she has an unending stream of applicants to appreciate. You win over a girl like this by making your emotional friendship reward contingent upon her available orifice reward.

8. Whores are riddled with disease. And the ones who aren’t are soulkilled to the point that a relationship with them is basically an excuse to fulfill a cuckold fetish. The only good reason I could see for wanting to be friends with one is the benefit of capitalizing on her social circle, which undoubtedly consists of plenty of non-whore hot chicks.

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Omega Male Hall Of Shame: What Women Mean By Creepy

A reader forwarded this email as an example of what not to say to a girl whom you “admire from afar”.

I’ve attached an email sent to one of my co-workers from a former co-worker who had the reputation of being ‘creepy’ towards most of the women in my office.

Anyway, I thought you’d get a kick out of this tripe.

****

Fw: U light up a room.

Hey – sorry if you catch me starring at you from time to time. I bet that it’s probably uncomfortable. You are very beautiful and continue to evolutionize your look at times so drastically that it;s intriguing. It also reveals the many levels, the rainbow of emotions within you. Most people have a collage of personalities that make them up into an individual, but struggle in finding a good, fun, kind balance between them. You are bless to be able to have such a capacity to be you and enjoy it. You are special. I have been around for a minute now (38 years) and seen and been in many adverse and awesome situations. Through it all I have met many people and few ( a handful)  have I ever felt like expressing what my spirit tells me to remind you of.

Today you look so Q, you can easily be thought off as a 23 year old. No harm intended in my comments young lady – it’s just that you light up a room. I also choose to e-mail you, rather than verbally tell you because I truly do not wish to make you uncomfortable, and if I do [name redacted] –  all you have to do is let me know and I will never comment again.

Anyhoo – you place a smile in my heart and I am just trying to place a smile in your face. There are folks with toxic attitudes around us at times do not get contaminated by them – instead – edify them.

:0)

Chao!

****

That’s one ugly mess. I nominate this yearning missive for inclusion into the Omega/Beta Hall of Shame. It’s a sterling representative of the genre.

A brief analysis of the points in the email at which the writer crossed the creep threshold are in order. Sometimes, it helps to spell these things out for the short bus contingent.

U light up a room.

Poetically flattering a woman you have not had one date with is like getting LOW VALUE MALE tattooed on your forehead. Because that’s how (modern) women are going to perceive your gallant efforts at a love connection.

“Hi, Jenny! You look really pretty.”

“Hi, Low Value Male! I can deduce by your forehead tattoo that your compliment is expected and honorably consistent with your low ranking on the male totem pole.”

“So you’re saying I have a chance?”

“Turn that LMV into an HMV, and we’ll talk!”

Also, there’s a beta and an alpha way to ignore punctuation. If your first word in an email is “U”, you’re starting off on the wrong foot. Generally, aloof alpha punctuation — where periods and capital letters are dropped in favor of mysterious cut-off sentences — is best reserved for text messages. Doing the same in email risks making you look like a remedial class teenager.

Hey – 

If he had begun his email with this, and ended it with this, he would have been on much firmer ground.

sorry if you catch me starring at you from time to time.

If you’re a desperate omega, the last thing you want to do is draw attention to your stalkerish omegatude. (This email is so bad, it better qualifies as the effortlust of an omega male than the tentative mincing of a beta.)

I bet that it’s probably uncomfortable.

A cool, funny chick would write back, “You bet correctly, sir!”

You are very beautiful and continue to evolutionize your look at times so drastically that it;s intriguing.

Great example of a mediocrity straining to sound smoother and smarter than he is. Paging Oswald Bates…

It also reveals the many levels, the rainbow of emotions within you.

You know when girls are down for this “I can appreciate all your levels” bullshit? When they have already been fucked by you at least 150 times. If you’re trying to make an impression on a girl by implying that you’re different than all the other guys who can’t see the real person inside of her, the time to do that is when it actually means something; like when it’s one year into a relationship and she’s still struggling to get you to agree on exclusivity. Also, no man should ever use the word “rainbow”, unless it’s to ridicule another man using the word “rainbow”. In today’s rapidly degenerating culture, the word too easily conjures scenes of bronies mutually fellating each other in a giant ponyjerk. With velvety plush headgear on.

You are bless to be able to have such a capacity to be you and enjoy it.

This is anti-game. He’s basically excused her from the burden of treating him kindly, let alone as a sexual prospect.

You are special.

When you’re in a hole, the first thing you do is stop digging. This guy’s gunning for China.

I have been around for a minute now (38 years) and seen and been in many adverse and awesome situations.

Worst DHV ever.

Through it all I have met many people and few ( a handful)  have I ever felt like expressing what my spirit tells me to remind you of.

What’s going through the girl’s head when she reads this: “He feels inspired to pour his heart out to me because he gets a chub every time he sees me over the cubicle walls?”

Well, that’s not actually what goes through her head. It’s more like this: “Creep, creep, creeper, creep. Ew.” Which amounts to saying the same thing as above.

No harm intended in my comments young lady – 

If you’re an older man hitting on a younger woman, the LAST thing you want to call her is “young lady”. Epic omega fail. And if you truly intend no harm, the last thing you want to say is that you intend no harm. There’s that rule in advertising that simply mentioning a negative is enough to plant it in a customer’s head and associate it with your product/personhood.

I also choose to e-mail you, rather than verbally tell you because I truly do not wish to make you uncomfortable

A seduction without discomfort is called idle chit chat. All seductions must contain a stirring of discomfort. Otherwise, every lame omega and beta male with sensitivity to spare and teardrops on command will be able to swoop femme fatales with ease.

all you have to do is let me know and I will never comment again.

Attainably attractive girls who have experience dealing with the fumbling come-ons of betas know this isn’t true. The minute a loser says he will “never comment/call/write again”, the girl knows he will do just that. Which is why girls will rarely reply to these sorts of queries; it only encourages the loser. (I once knew of a total omega male in high school who got a rejection message delivered personally from the girl friend of a girl he had a crush on for two years. The sad sack proceeded to pursue the girl for two more years, hoping to get a clarification.)

Anyhoo – 

Nerd alert.

you place a smile in my heart and I am just trying to place a smile in your face.

Let’s run this line through the Alpha Reformulator (a device which alters dorky beta droolings into coolbreeze alpha charmbullets): “my heart was smiling thinking about you until you microwaved that noxious curry lunch. thanks for killing the romance i was about to lay down on your day.”

There are folks with toxic attitudes around us

aka jerks who always take the girls.

at times do not get contaminated by them – instead – edify them.

What happens when a dumbass tries for profound and winds up writing gibberish.

:0)

No emoticons! What’s an emoticon doing in this email when I told you no EMOTICONS EVER!

and, oh dear lord, he added the o-nose. I bet he thinks women fart anime characters.

Chao!

You know what would’ve been funny? And less beta? If he had signed off deliberately misspelling “ciao” as “chow”. Unfortunately, his stupidity is of the unintentional variety.

Well, I hope that expedition through the thickets of the omega male psychological landscape was as painful for you as it was for me. Lessons learned:

1. Guys like this make it easy for guys with game.

2. There are shadowy realms beyond which even my considerable powers of instruction cannot penetrate. Introducing a lost cause like this dude to game will only provoke a defensive reaction and further turtling into his self-perpetuating misery. I think we all know a few guys who fall into that category.

I imagine every female reader who read that email had the word “creep” flash through her head. It’s a catch-all term that women generally use to describe men who exhibit the characteristics, mannerisms, self-negating attitude and social retardation that typically accompany involuntary celibacy and a lack of facility navigating the psychological peculiarities of women. Men need not necessarily be intrinsically low value to get slapped with the creep label; a man who could get lots of attention from women, but who evinces the attitude of the needy creep (much to the chagrin of the women who win an audience with him), is thrown into the same untouchables pile as our forlorn emailer inducted into the Chateau Hall of Beta Shame.

In short, “creeper” = “needy beta”. The slang may change, but the nature stays the same.

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