Girls Like Squeezable Things

At the EU Embassy tour in DC last weekend me and another aficionado of European girls culture picked up these very squeezable red balls at the Austrian embassy.
give it a good freudian squeeze ladies.

Despite getting much grief from parties who shall remain anonymous who believe that carrying around touristy crap is a very white people thing to do, I held and caressed my ball all day and never let it out of my sight. I also had a mini flag in my back pocket, and an official looking EU post-it notepad. I felt worldly and it showed in my international-style strut.

Later on, we were at the Reef roof deck enjoying mussels and fries (three random black guys had ordered the same meal. I had no idea mussels were the new hip food) when Roosh put his red ball on the bar. A girl leaned into our group and asked him about the ball.

“Why do you have a ball?”
“Because it’s mine.”
“Can I hold your ball?”
“No, it’s my ball.”

She looked at him with that slack-jawed half-grin that girls get when they’re a little bit offended but they like it. A few more words were exchanged and she left our group. One minute later she leaned back in, reached her arm across the bar, and grabbed his ball. She held it up triumphantly.

“I got it!”
“Give me back my ball. You’re not allowed to touch it.”

She relinquished the ball with a look of sexual attraction on her face. Her male friend apologized for her. Beta.

This got me thinking about props to bring to bars that would help spark flirtatious conversation. Random items that make no sense whatsoever in a bar context and are made of a material that tempts girls to stroke and squeeze them would work best. For instance, I have an Adidas runners pullover with thumbholes in the sleeves that I wear out to clubs which is not the most stylish looking yet I get girls coming up to me to feel the silky Rayon material all the time. Texture can be just as effective as the look of what you wear because girls perceive the world with all their senses equally while guys mostly use their eyes and penis.

Along these lines, I thought of the following knickknacks to carry with me and place on bars while I drink my beer:

pink teddy bear
cotton balls
nerf football
silly putty
bubble-pack
stuffed bunny rabbit
chia pet
silicone implant
pad and pen (not squeezable, but this works!)
silk scarf
play-doh
giant dustball
a rubber hot dog

Any girl who squeezes or strokes right away is likely to be sexually uninhibited, cutting my workload in half.

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Robotopia

I went to a Japanese cultural exhibit at the Kennedy Center. The crowd pleasing favorites were the robots. This guy rolls around answering questions in a chipper voice and shaking hands:

He’d make a great politician if his answers were a little more vague.

This robot, made by Toyota, plays the trumpet using a complicated air pump system and lips that mimic those of a human:

Yes, he (she? it?) actually played the trumpet by blowing air into the instrument and pressing the valves with his fingers. He leaned and swayed side to side and backwards like a real musician getting caught up in the emotions of playing a song. He blasted out a couple of pop songs from the 1970s and a Disney tune. The sound was good and not as stilted or mechanical as I expected. A trumpet playing robot is pretty amazing but it’s not yet at the point where it can capture the fluidity and sensuality of a human master musician. Still, I tapped my feet.

A robot baby seal serves as a therapeutic aid to nursing home residents and sick children:

Aw, those soulful eyes. Guess what. If you scratch its face it will turn to the side you are scratching to look at you in appreciation and purr. You can feel the vibrations of the purr if you put your hand on its neck, just like a cat. Touch its whiskers and it makes an annoyed yip and turns away. Stroke its back and it will show its approval with a tail wag and squeals of delight. The makers of this $3500 toy say the noises the seal makes are an exact replica of the noises made by real baby seals in the wild. I asked if it came packaged with a club; the seal growled and a machine gun barrel protruded from its mouth. I moved on.

This is how the robot baby seal feeds recharges:

Check out the pacifier-shaped connectors. The Japanese are weird. If this had been a German product, the plug would’ve been in the ass.

Hmm, now what does this robot remind me of?

They’re coming!

What I learned from this cultural exchange:

• The Japanese are really smart.
• It says something stereotypical about the Japanese that they are leading the robot revolution.
• The Japanese are confronting their demographic implosion and xenophobia head-on by investing in robots instead of importing tens of millions of antagonistic peasants to do the work that Japanese just won’t do.
• We should be opening the borders to cute Japanese girls in pleated skirts and knee high stockings.
• Americans should be ashamed we are falling way behind the robotics race.
• Americans are no longer ashamed of things that are worthy of shame.
• The Japanese understand that a society of robots is superior to a society of lawyers.
• It would not surprise me if an unmarried Japanese-American man were the first to invent a sexbot.
• The robot in the last photo is hotter than 80% of American women.
• I’d tap that.

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I Joined Twitter

I think it’s retarded. But when the whole world is being retarded it pays to join them. It’ll make life easier and you’ll feel better.

I’m a Killer App Konformist.

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Condomless Game

I think the Bedouin lifestyle is for me.

With eight wives and 67 children, Shahadeh Abu Arrar has given new meaning to the term “family man.”

Abu is 58 years old.  Suffice to say, if his wives are still pumping out children this prodigiously, they are considerably younger than him.  67 children is what happens to a player who decides to forego condoms.

“There are many women who wish to marry me and there is no lack of women. I never had a problem with such things.”

Natural.  He was probably learning indirect game when his fellow five-year-olds were building cardboard forts to keep out the girls.

Four veiled women, including two who said they were his wives, sat on the porch peeling vegetables.

It’s only the betas who don’t understand the concept of sexual division of labor and the proper roles for man and woman that will bring them happiness.  Men who do well with women have a keen grasp of basic human nature.  I read a study which showed that the most sensitive, new-agey pro-feminist men had the least sex partners while the neanderthal, sexist anti-feminist men had the most.  And the most radical feminist chicks had way more sexual partners than their traditional anti-feminist sisters.  Man-hating Take Back The Night chicks banging it out with the male chauvinist pigs.  Sweet sweet irony.

Weepy pro-feminism Anita Hill-supporting emo men take note:  Your spineless mr. mom posturing will not get you laid.

It’s interesting how in those Mormom polygamous families the husband is the sole breadwinner and all the wives are milling about their wing of the house doing domestic chores and watching the kids.  None of these women seem to feel bad that the’ve missed out on the career track.  Or that they’re sharing an alpha male.

It’s unclear how Abu Arrar supports his massive family. Camels, goats and a cow were grazing on his property. Yediot said he also receives about $1,700 in government handouts each month.

Total player.  Lives on welfare and sponges off the work of his multiple younger wives who don’t demand that he wear a condom.  The system can be beat.  If all men knew this society would collapse.

“My first wife is my age, and today I hardly spend any time with her. Her children are big, and I leave her alone. I have younger wives to spend time with. Every night I decide which wife to be with,” Abu Arrar told the newspaper.

Lol.  There’s nothing like trading up and letting the older models rust on the front lawn.

Activists said Abu Arrar’s story showed the urgency of raising literacy and education among Bedouin women. Many are pressured into marriage or feel they have no other options beside raising children

Moral of the story:  Don’t educate women. 

Polygamy — a great life.  Those seven guys who didn’t get a wife don’t know what they’re talking about.

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Justice

An alert reader e-mailed me the following news report:

A BRAZILIAN woman has been ordered by the country’s Supreme Court to pay a hefty fine to her husband for failing to mention that he was not the father of two of their children.

The Rio de Janeiro woman, whose identity was not disclosed, was ordered to pay her husband over $US100,000 ($120,170) for having hidden from him for almost two decades that the children in question were fathered by a lover, the court’s offices said yesterday.

The husband also had sought damages from his wife’s lover, the court said.

I am pleased with this decision.  Although twenty years of indentured servitude raising bastard children under a fog of lies should command a much larger fine than $120K, at least this is a step in the right direction toward legal reform.  Cuckoldry is the most underrated crime infesting our supposed advanced Western cultures and only massive, crippling monetary restitution along with jail time and public shaming for the guilty will change behaviors.  Yes, it’s time to bring back the scarlet letter.  The deceitful whore who gets impregnated by a man other than her husband and then schemes to dupe him into unwanted fatherhood should have her tramp stamp replaced with a florid, Olde English crimson ‘A’.  This will practically ensure a lifetime of getting pumped and dumped with no chance for marital relief.

Such a punishment will send a strong message to all fertile-age women:  don’t marry a beta you will likely cheat on.

I dream of the day when the Lifetime channel airs a cloying tearjerker about a saintly guy who is crushed to discover his three beloved children belong to his wife’s art class instructor.  Many close-up shots of his watery eyes and trembling lips will emphasize for effect the made-for-TV message that all women are morally depraved.

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Sexbots

Forget flying cars and interstellar travel, the next big thing to radically transform society will be sexbots.  Japanese girlfriend substitutes, lifelike dolls, porn saturation… all signs are pointing toward a technological coalescence of immense implications for relations between the sexes.  It’s a horny new world on the horizon of men having sex with the artificial women of their dreams.  Mein Gott.

Much has been written about the sexbot phenomenon, with the skeptics focusing on the technical limitations (men make this argument) and the insistence that sexbots would not satisfy male sexual desire like real women would (women make this argument).  It’s possible the technical hurdles to creating a sexually pleasing mechanical woman that could compete with real women might be too high, but assuming those hurdles are jumped, I offer the following future scenario.

A robot that is an exact replica of your favorite supermodel and that has feedback to sound and touch (for example, she’ll move her limbs and gyrate during sex as well as talk dirty and respond to commands) would supplant all other masturbation tools as the preferred method of getting off for men who can afford it.  Once sexbots become affordable, internet porn consolidates to one or two websites for spank snobs who insist on “authenticity” and proles who must suffer the humiliation of not only being too poor to afford real women but fake ones as well.  But, outside of self-pleasure and procreation, would sexbots replace real women?

For some men, yes.  The replacement would be total, at least until the dating market adjusted to the new reality.  For other men, sexbots would be a part-time replacement.  The result will be a shift in the mating landscape that will put selection pressures on humanity equivalent to a massive plague or a catastrophic famine.

Sexbots are a very real threat to the established order because men’s sexuality is so visually driven.  Compared to women, it is a rather simple affair to create an alternative sexual outlet for men.  Think about romance novels which are the porn equivalent for women.  It’s a mentally-taxing affair to write a book, even a trashy, plot-by-numbers one.  But displaying photos of naked women for the consumption of men takes a few mindless seconds.  Now imagine a Natalia Vodianova sexbot in every bachelor pad.  The raw visual and tactile appeal of that will keep men holed up in their bedrooms for weeks straight.

Some of the changes I foresee:

Omegas (geeks, nerds, dweebs, trolls, dregs, dullards, bums, street filth, etc.) – will finally have a satisfying release for their pent-up horniness.  Crime will likely drop as a result.  So will rape.  Widely available sexbots are analogous to cheap, legal prostitution, minus the STDs and needle tracks.  On the whole I think it is a social good to distract the losers from their grinding misery.  Since these guys weren’t getting laid anyway, availing themselves of sexbots won’t have much impact on the dating market.  Sexbots could also be compassionate.  Giving a homeless guy a sexbot will do more for his happiness than $5 for liquor or a sympathetic smile from a cute soup kitchen volunteer.

Betas (niceguys with a heart of gold and zero sex appeal) – the more frustrated betas will retreat from the dating scene to be with their sexbots.  They’ll not opt out completely, though.  Having a decent job and a willingness to help raise a family is still a form of buying power.  I see sexbots for betas dissuading them from learning the art of seduction, thus making them even more ineffectual in the field as their already-meager skills atrophy.  He might think to himself, “what’s the point of dealing with the frustrations and delayed gratification of dating mediocre looking women for subpar sex when I have a Rachel Weisz sexbot waiting at home for me?”  A big negative feedback loop could result, where the lower status betas exercise their sexbot option with increasing regularity until they have excluded themselves completely from bothering with meeting women.  This will open up room in the dating market for

Aspiring Alphas (betas who know a thing or two) – As low status betas and omegas retreat from the dating scene to be with their sexbots, aspiring alphas will be more in demand than ever.  It’s a simple numbers game — more women for every man willing to expose himself to the whims of dating and rejection from real women means these men will have an easier time honing their game and achieving sexual satisfaction.  Even a guy willing to put in minimal effort shaping up his game will find the pickings easy.  The consequences?  Less commitment, more casual sex, and more partners.  Not to mention more first date anal.  You can stop taking salsa classes now.

Alphas (guys who won’t have to martyr themselves for 72 virgins) –  will reap a tremendous beaver bounty.  The direct and indirect benefits of the sexbot revolution will flow to the alphas.  The direct benefit?  Although he is the guy who won’t need sexbots because he gets plenty of quality real ass for little investment, he will probably have a few in the closet for those times when his girlfriends have a collective headache.  Plus, the off button is very appealing to the inveterate womanizer.  The indirect benefit?  More women vying for his seed.  I predict that over time the smothering ego-boosting attentions of the fangirls will make the alpha soft, paving the way for lower ranking males to usurp his position in the bangarchy.

Ugly Women – drop out entirely.

Plain Women – put out on first dates.

Beautiful Women – choose harem initiation with a super alpha.

Marriage – uncertain.  Either marriage will take a bodyblow from which it will never recover, or paradoxically divorce will decrease as husbands inclined to stray fulfill their cravings for variety with non-human mistresses.  With the sequestering of betas to their sexbotatoriums, the price of alphas on the market will skyrocket.  They will call the shots in matters of marriage — I see a regression to sanctioned polygamy and overt adultery.  This will herald the end of Western civilization.

Love – The virus in the borg.  Love may save the day.  A man’s need for love will keep him in the game.  But not in the same capacity.  He’ll be roused to go on a few dates but he’ll feel no pressure to get laid and will probably have unrealistic expectations about what kind of women he deserves based on wistful comparisons with the hot robot he fornicates with daily.  Ladies, if you think guys are selfish, egotistical pricks now, just wait until they start showing up to dates basked in the afterglow of sex with their Jessica Alba robots.  It is going to take a lot more to win over a guy who is that sexually satisfied.

Conclusion – The entire market structure of dating will shift seismically in the direction of men becoming choosier and less willing to please and women becoming looser and more willing to please.

The basic premise I have outlined above rests on a simple observation — the more physically satisfying choices men have to sate their lust, the less needy they will be with women.  And non-neediness translates into a slight downgrade in the asking price of single women.  Because women are more loathe to settle than men, there will be a rush to the top as the dwindling number of acceptable male prospects commands the attentions of an ever-growing pool of women.  Polygamy will rush in to fill the need.

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Another Convert

An American friend, let’s call him Phil, has discovered the bounties of East European girls.  After a lifetime of drama dating compatriots of every known taxonomy, he recently hooked up with a cute Polish chick and, in his words, “there’s no going back”.  We had an IM exchange where he explained his revelation:

Phil: she gave me a BJ in the park
Phil: behind a tree
Me: how long have you been going out?
Phil: a few weeks
Phil: she is completely sexually uninhibited
Phil: have you ever had a girl lick your asshole?
Me: she’s already doing that for you?
Phil: well, not quite. i didn’t want her to. so she licked the taint.
Me: TMI
Phil: that’s not the half of it
Me: your game must be exceptional
Phil: actually, i used very little game on her
Phil: she said she was going for a walk and i said “why don’t you join me for a walk near my place”.
Me: and two weeks later her tongue was on your taint
Phil: as if it was the natural progression of things
Me: no shit tests?
Phil: not a one. her sincerity actually confused me at first.
Me: how old is she?
Phil: 23 [editor’s note: considerably younger than my friend]
Phil: i told her i was going to tell my friends about her, the sex stuff and everything
Phil: and she said “it’s OK to share our joy with your friends”
Me: wow
Phil: she treats me like a king
Phil: she loves sex
Phil: you should see her smile when she sees me.
Me: is she shorn?
Phil: yep, and she offered to shave mine
Me: i hear wedding bells
Phil: i can’t believe what i’ve been missing all these years
Phil: no more yentas for me

And so another red-blooded American male urbanite has succumbed to the sweet nectar of foreigner love, forever turned off to the idea of dating the homegrown talent.  Phil said that if, in the future, he found himself in the company of an American girl his expectations for her would be much higher.  Thanks to the eye-opening experience with this girl, there are certain behaviors and outlooks on life he just won’t abide anymore.

I asked him, as good as things were with his Polish girl, if he thought there was a catch.  His answer?  “When is there not a catch?  At least with her, getting caught doesn’t feel like a power struggle.”

Phil is now a big proponent of importing into the US millions of young women from former Communist countries.

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