What Makes A Good Wingman?

A good wingman will lie for you. (Via Randall Parker)

U of A researcher says good wingmen will fib for a friend

A University of Alberta researcher says that […] people are generally willing to help a friend protect or enhance his reputation or help him otherwise save face in a social situation.

Along with colleagues from the University of Calgary and UBC, Jennifer Argo, an Alberta School of Business professor, explored the circumstances under which people would be willing to tell a lie to manage another person’s social image. The study found that the wingman is primed to step in with strategic identity support.

“Strategic identity support” = third party DHV.

“This is an instance when you don’t have the opportunity to make yourself look good, so somebody else does it for you,” says Argo. “But you’re better off to hang out with your friends (in these situations) because your friends will look out for you.”

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that this describes male friends more than it does female friends.

A friend in need? The fib’s the deed

Argo studied the likelihood of people helping out a friend who – to his chagrin – paid more for a car than did another person for the same vehicle. Regardless of the size of the price discrepancy, she says, friends are willing to come to the rescue. She notes that in the case of a large discrepancy, even strangers may be willing to help a person save face as a random act of kindness.

“People put themselves in the shoes of the other person and say ‘I would want someone to lie on my behalf so I wouldn’t look bad,'” she says.

Argo notes that the key here is for the person needing help to be physically present during the conversation between the friend and the third party. Otherwise, she notes, the only time they might be willing to fib on behalf of the absent friend is in the case of a large price discrepancy.

Analogously, your in-field wingman is more likely to go to bat for you if you are in his vicinity. So don’t leave for another floor of the bar or drift into a conversation across the room when he’s working your set. On the other hand, wingman lies work best if you seem out of earshot. Given that, the best positioning is going to be with your back to your wingman and your target, and striking up a convo with a nearby group. This will add credibility to whatever accolades your wingman is telling your target.

“It comes down to what kind of relationship you have with the person in need. I think it is truly defined by the level of your friendship,” Argo says. “If it’s the best friend, I think most people would lie, even at the risk of possibly being found out.”

This is why I would never put much faith in “wingman services”; i.e., those internet forums that try to pair you up with fellow pickup travelers. If you want the best out of your wingman, he needs to be a good friend.

Good intentions & the wingman’s lament

She says the wingman theory could apply to almost any situation in which there is a discrepancy that could negatively impact the social perception or impression of the friend, such as when a friend has bought a knock-off surreptitiously.

Or when he’s being cockblocked by a territorial elephant seal.

She says the application works equally when applied to business settings, in which a friend may embellish a recommendation to help a pal get a job. It may also apply at a party, where embroidering the truth could get a pal a first date with a potential partner.

“Yeah, he probably doesn’t want anyone to know this, but my buddy spent some time in the clink. That’s what he gets for helping a girl who was being mugged.”

“Based on the findings, it would seem reasonable to expect that people who understand their friends should be willing to step in as a wingman in a number of different contexts if their friends are in need,” Argo says.

I feel the need
the need for plead.

However, Argo muses on the potential implications of telling a little white lie for a friend, something her study did not explore. She says even though the favourably-positioned falsehood has no cost to the receiver, it may potentially place the friendly fibber’s integrity in question with the person for whom the fib was originally told, especially if the lie was unsolicited. She says this would be an intriguing follow-up to this study.

“It does say something about that person, too. Because (as my friend), if you’re lying, and I know it, it might make me question or cause me to doubt how much you lie to me and others,” she says.

This is why you’ve gotta work out beforehand what kind of lies, if any, you want your wingman to tell chicks. The last thing you want is him thinking that a story about you pooping your pants after getting tased by the cops is a DHV. Some guys need their hands held like this.

It has to be common knowledge among seasoned seducers (I would hope) that a friend or other third party touting your alpha virtues to a chick will sway her opinion, and influence her attraction, much more effectively than self-promotion. Humans are predisposed to believe the ad copy of third parties more than the braggadocio or insinuations of primary parties. Friends and wingmen might be biased, but nothing is as biased as our own egos.

Here is a short list of excellent fibs that a wingman should consider for use in prepping your target.

“He tells me he needs help finding that special someone, but the guy has been with more women than I can count. He doesn’t need any help.”

“My buddy? Oh yeah, we call him Heartbreaker Hank.”

“His ex was the CRAZIEST stalker I ever knew. She showed up one night with a poem and a box of chocolates, right when we were in the middle of a band rehearsal.”

“Watch out for this guy. He’s trouble.” (a classic drive-by wingman line)

“You’re not a stripper are you? He’s had enough of dating strippers.”

“Yeah, he’s my buddy and all, but I gotta be honest… he makes the worst decisions in women. Actresses and dancers wear pretty thin after a while. Too many neuroses.”

“He’s probably too nice for a girl like you. He’s actually afraid he’ll hurt a girl in bed. I keep telling him that girls think it’s the good kind of hurt. What a heart.”

“I hope you like naked skydiving. He’s managed to convince every girl he’s dated to jump out of a plane naked.”

“I met him in the holding cell. Stand up guy.” (can double as a DHV for gays)

“Fuck, after all this time I dunno what he does. Import-export, he says. He won’t let anyone look inside his car trunk.”

“He thinks being a former NHL pro is some kind of accomplishment. Please.”

“How did we meet? He needed a really good lawyer. I came through.”

“Careful. Don’t let him charm you. You’ve been warned.”

“He’s half black. Bet ya never would’ve guessed.”

“He’s gonna kill me for saying this, but… you know when politicians need the numbers of high class escorts? He’s their hookup.”

***

Besides the ability to fib effortlessly and believably, wingmen should also possess the following characteristics:

1. Acting skills. You want your wingman to act like he’s your acquaintance, rather than your close friend. His lies will be better received if the girl thinks they are coming from someone with little motive to pump your stock.

2. Be not much taller than you. Tallness is dominating, and can distract girls from his calculated boosterism. You don’t want a wingman who will always steal the spotlight.

3. Be not much uglier or socially awkward than you. Conversely, it will reflect just as badly on you if your friends come across like losers. The best wingmen are plausible wingmen who don’t blow up conversations with nerdgasms.

4. Have extensive knowledge of your social strengths and weaknesses. A good wingman instinctively knows when you are comfortable joining a conversation, and when you need bailing from a faltering set. He will also have a knack for steering a conversation in more fruitful directions when he notices you struggling, like when you have stunk the joint up with a lame joke.

5. Be unafraid to constructively criticize. The good thing about being a man is that your male friends won’t hesitate to give you shit for something stupid you’re doing. Course correction is thus much faster for men than it is for women.

5. Most importantly, your wingman will have tight game. The best — I mean the very best — wingmen are former betas who put in the effort to learn game and who already have girlfriends or a rotation of lovers. Naturals have a tendency to either selfishly dominate sets or sabotage friends by letting their alpha instincts run wild. Single wingmen sometimes nurse unfulfilled horniness that will impel them to steal your target if they find their schtick is working on her. Wingmen with fully drained balls, tight game, and a strong sense of loyalty and selflessness are the Holy Nail of wingman pickup assistance.

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Abandoning Friends Who Know You As You Were

A male reader asks:

First off i would like to say thanks to you, for such an amazing blog, and such an amazing information resource. I’m a 22 yo virgin beta, but thanks to your website i decided to change.. Over the last 4 months i lost 49 pounds, so im getting the physical aspect of myself fixed. But there’s a issue i would want help on….is that im a complete total beta, and i’ve been struggling to assert myself as a “almost-alpha” or look alpha-ish. I have a very small circle of friends, mostly job friends, and my beta self is already settled with them. I wonder if the problem is me not acting like a real alpha would, or if i should look to new girls and stuff.

Loyalty to friends should not be reneged carelessly. Loyalty is, for good or ill, one of the more prominent virtues that delineates the world of men from the world of women. As a sex, women simply don’t place as much value on loyalty, so as a man you had better have a good reason for discarding it.

One of those good reasons is when friends, by dint of their familiarity with you, their own stations in life, and their expectations of your behavior, stifle your development into alpha manhood. If a bunch of job friends, man or woman, know you only as The Beta, then you’ll find it difficult to complete your transformation to a better man while in their company. Their assumptions will hold you back, their inflexibility will hamper acceptance of your new self-image, their envy will sabotage your efforts.

If your friends are betas, your progression to alphatude will be seen as a threat to group cohesion. If your friends are alphas, their instinctual hierarchical dominance displays will undermine your progress (and this need not be intentional). Being immersed in the dynamics of your social circle for so long, you will find it harder to jettison your beta baggage.

In such a circumstance where you are actively reformulating your very essence and character to be more desirable to women and persuasive with men, you are well-advised to sever attachments to friends and girls acquainted with your sad sack prior self. Their mere presence, and the beta memories you have accumulated while sharing their company, will act as ballast on your old skin, pinning you down as you try to shed it. Don’t underestimate the power of unappealing memories and the ability of friends to anchor those memories in the physical world.

To complete your journey to the alpha side, you will likely have to turn your back on the beta alliance. This means a necessary distancing from old friends, and a search for new friends who only know you as you are now, and whose conditioned expectations will thus naturally align with your goals, reinforcing your improvement.

The caveat to the above should be when your friends understand your purpose, and help you to achieve it. But a friend like that is rarer than most think. A true friend, lifting you up every step of the way, is a gift not to be squandered.

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When A Shit Test Isn’t A Shit Test

Not every insult (veiled or blatant), punchy challenge, or arch criticism by a woman is a shit test as the term is commonly understood — a subconsciously guided female examination of a man’s grace under pressure that helps her assess his alphaness. There are other reasons a woman might be critical of a man she is dating or evaluating as a suitor.

I have observed that there are two alternate explanations for bitchy behavior that men will encounter most often in the course of their love lives.

1. She is genuinely repulsed by a man’s betaness.

When a girl is sincerely and uncompromisingly put off by cloying or socially clumsy beta male behavior, she will sometimes be unable to stifle the disgust she feels and her animus will come spilling out in icy cold body language, nagging, scolding and nit-picking. This is predominantly the behavior of the bitch in betrothed bondage to the beta male, who has grown tired, or become unsettlingly aware, of her hubby’s unsexy weakness. The beta husband who finds his time with his wife increasingly characterized by seemingly irrational wifely outbursts of anger, incessant nagging about inconsequential misdemeanors, passive-aggressive sex withdrawal and assorted glib jabs and cruel mannerisms that show a disrespect for his presumed status and masculine prerogative, is experiencing the foul ministrations of a woman in thrall to her slow boil of hate for male enfeeblement. This phenomenon is easily substitutable for men and women in unmarried long-term relationships.

Men, beware. This is no shit test. It is your most immediate warning sign that your lover is about to leave you, or, worse, cheat on you. She has no interest in sussing out your manliness; she is only a fist of rage semi-incoherntly lashing out at you for making her feel unfeminine. Treating her behavior like an extended shit test may actually backfire if you haven’t prepped her for your transformation to a man willing to display his balls.

Note that this supremely bitchy behavior may occasionally manifest early in the courtship dance, usually by women with low impulse control and looks in the 4-7 range; the kind of women who get hit on a lot by “creepy” men thinking they have a chance, and who have reached their tolerance threshold for such brazen men. If flecks of spittle fly as she castigates you, or she is simultaneously backing away while hurling her insults at your face, or her entire body curls up into a phantom turtle shell at the mere exposure of her personal space to your entreaties, you are likely dealing with sincere loathing and not a shit test to be aced for further sexual exploration.

2. She is afraid of losing her man.

A girl who adores her boyfriend will, at times, and especially during those moments when his appeal to competitor women is most discernible, act in ways that strike normal, logical men as strange. Instead of anointing with flattery and devotionals, the anxious woman with commitment extraction on her mind may respond with what she perceives as self-esteem lowering cuts to some or another flaw of her boyfriend’s.

The flaws she highlights will almost always be of a physical nature, or a treatise on his style. “You’re getting pudgy.” “I never noticed before how gross your toes are.” “You look like you haven’t slept in a week.” “You’re too pale.” “You walk funny.” “That shirt makes you look like a doofus.”

Charming, eh? Ah, but she will hardly be able to announce these flaws with the expected contempt; often her critique will be leavened with a revealing brightness in the eyes and sensuously accessible body language. An experienced man will rapidly know her bitchiness comes from a place of insecurity about her standing with him. He will know, as true as the sun rises in the east, that women simply don’t put very much emphasis on a man’s looks in comparison to the other attractiveness traits that women desire in men. And that this truism goes double for a woman in love, for whom her man’s looks are a paltry secondary consideration to his wit, leadership, humor, kindness, cockiness, thoughtfulness, edginess and sexual prowess. And so her criticisms of his physical state or fashion sense will trickle harmlessly off his ego like water off a duck’s back, understood as they are as the bleatings of a desperate lover engaged in a mini power play.

The woman chooses the physical and the stylistic for her barbs because she is projecting her very real female horror at coming up short in these two areas critical to her own SMV onto her man, for whom she mistakenly believes pokes at his physical attributes will have the same effect on him as it would on her; namely, the effect of luring him more deeply into an approval-seeking mode of thought and, thus, a stronger commitment from him that she much desires. This type of subversive badinage is actually a form of bonding for the woman. Unlike insults directed at a man’s status for which there is no turning back, the nature of petty jabs at his looks or his choice of clothes brings a woman closer to her man; she is complicit in his reformulation to something “better”, i.e. domesticated.

Men, be gladdened. If you hear your girlfriend or wife criticizing you in this manner, you are confirmed to be sitting pretty in the driver’s seat of the relationship. You have hand. She wants what only you have to give: increased commitment. And she wants it as badly as you wanted her sex when the two of you started dating.

You may play it off like a shit test, replying in knowing condescension or, even funnier, feigned concern. E.g., “Yes, I really ought to get right on that fixing my troll toes. I’ll schedule an amputation tomorrow.” But be warned: the nature of this type of criticism is not usually that of the shit test. She is not interested in deducing your alphaness; she already knows about that, and anyhow her jabs are of a different nature when it is playful shit testing that motivates her.

No, she wants to hurt you just a little bit — to make you just insecure enough, really, to inspire you to ingratiate yourself to her needs without turning you away completely or unintentionally pushing you to desperate, servile betatude — and pointed, spiteful criticism of your physical flaws (that she thinks ought to matter to her, and to you, but really don’t) is how she gets at you. She knows you’re confident to volley her verbal airstrikes. If you begin hearing a lot of this sort of criticism from her, it means flirty parrying is not what she seeks; she wants your ultimate capitulation.

…every kiss begins with three months’ salary

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Should Game Be Taught In School?

Reader “Harkat” asks:

Should game, or at least socio-sexual dynamics, be taught in middle/high school? It’s a significant part of life, and knowledge of these topics would help the vast majority of confused teenagers (at least the boys).

The little that was said about sexual dynamics in my high school was extremely idealist egalitarian and far from reality, and did nothing to help us (at least not the boys). We got delivered phrases like “Do not feel pressure to have sex!”, which hardly resonates with the average teenage boy.

In a perfect world, sex and love education is left to family (parents, friends, older siblings, cool uncles) and experience. But we are far from that world, and condoms are rolled over bananas while men are rapped for phantom sexual repression in the halls and classrooms of almost all our venerated institutions. That being the case, it’s more effective to undermine suffocating elite orthodoxy by working within its confines, instead of feebly fist-pumping from outside it. So, yes, in a world designed according to Chateau tenets, game would be taught to high school boys — preferably in classes separate from the girls.

I can see it now.

Week 1: Introductions to male-female sex differences and Syllabus (Included readings from various respected sources in evo psych, game and social dynamics, e.g., Ridley, Markovic, Carnegie).

Week 2: Why chicks dig jerks. (Students expected to fully understand sexy son hypothesis).

Week 3: Alphas and betas, the hidden hierarchy.

Week 4: Sycophancy and involuntary celibacy, the connection.

Week 5: Men and women have an agenda, and how to recognize it.

Week 6: Game as revolution in sociosexual thought.

Week 7: Core game principles.

Week 8: Dating to maximize one’s happiness.

Week 9: Sex, guilt and expectations: why society has an interest in corralling male desire.

Week 10: Relationships and marriage: making them work.

Week 11: Finals: In-field exam.

Music to my ears. Of course, this will never happen. Teaching young men the unvarnished truth about women, sex, dating and marriage would throw grit into the gears of the beta cog molding machine that supplies a never-ending procession of obedient housetrained quasi-eunuchs. What good does it do the dealers of consumerist opiates if they can’t domesticate a suitably pliable army to staff their globocorporate offices?

The channeling of male vitality with the help of useful lies has been a central element of the civilizing process in the West and elsewhere for eons. It has its place, even for the poolsiders who need a prosperous nation in which to pursue their lifestyles. But the last fifty or sixty years (monarchists would argue the effort goes back at least 150 years) has witnessed the twisting of this process into a monstrous form, under whose shadow the lies have multiplied and tyrannized free-thinking men, restricting respectable thought to a narrow range of groupthink.

A public policy to make the teaching of game and its underlying concepts mandatory for high schoolers would have to overcome so many obstacles and entrenched thought and interests as to limit the notion strictly to the realm of fantasy. But that doesn’t mean current sex ed classes can’t be deviously rippled with pebbles of thoughtcrime by sympathetic operatives.

Instead of starve the beast, you could call this the “stuff the beast” philosophy of saving civilization by feeding it too much of its own late-stage bile. A hastening and amplifying of consequences, come to reckoning in technicolor exuberance. And you might even help a few tormented betas get laid on their own timetables.

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Proof Found For Rationalization Hamster?

A new study shows that people will rationalize their shitty situations if they think that they’re stuck with them. (See also: sour grapes.)

People who feel like they’re stuck with a rule or restriction are more likely to be content with it than people who think that the rule isn’t definite. The authors of a new study, which will be published in an upcoming issue of Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, say this conclusion may help explain everything from unrequited love to the uprisings of the Arab Spring.

Psychological studies have found two contradictory results about how people respond to rules. Some research has found that, when there are new restrictions, you rationalize them; your brain comes up with a way to believe the restriction is a good idea. But other research has found that people react negatively against new restrictions, wanting the restricted thing more than ever.

Kristin Laurin of the University of Waterloo thought the difference might be absoluteness — how much the restriction is set in stone. “If it’s a restriction that I can’t really do anything about, then there’s really no point in hitting my head against the wall and trying to fight against it,” she says. “I’m better off if I just give up. But if there’s a chance I can beat it, then it makes sense for my brain to make me want the restricted thing even more, to motivate me to fight” Laurin wrote the new paper with Aaron Kay and Gavan Fitzsimons of Duke University.

So does this prove the existence of the infamous female rationalization hamster? Well, almost. The study was gender-inspecific, so what it tells us is that people in general will rationalize their powerlessness so as to assuage their tender egos in the face of unchangeable circumstances. We will have to continue to rely on experimental reports from the field and incisive observations into the womanly condition from Chateau proprietors for evidence of a particularly mighty breed of female-specific hamster. There is strong anecdotal data that such a female-particular breed exists; it is now up to scientists with the balls to snicker at feminist shrieking to bravely test the hypothesis.

When a rule, a restriction, or a circumstance is fixed and inalterable, our tendency is to act like we are perfectly OK with our lack of choice or station in life. In contrast, when we feel like we have a real shot to change our circumstances, we are less likely to resign ourselves to fate, and less likely to pretend as if we wanted our crappy lot in life all along. So if you want to see the hamster spin wildly, make sure the little bugger has no hope of escape from his wheeled hellmatrix. He’ll spin, spin until he loses all touch with reality.

I think we’ve seen plenty of examples of self-gratifying spinning in the comments on this blog, not to mention just about anywhere in the informational universe where feminists congregate to kvetch. And the spinning is not just limited to feminists. Most losers in the mating game have experienced the crush of 5 Gs in their hamster wheels. I find these kinds of people fall into two camps: the pity whores (woe is me, i’m a loser, there’s nothing i can do about it, so stop trying to help people like me, you’re only leading us astray with your advice), and the delusion zombies (i’m not a loser, i have everything i need in life, single cougarhood, five cats and a niceguy beta orbiter are exactly what i’ve always wanted).

To bring this study closer to the mission statement of this blog, what does it imply about love?

And how does this relate to unrequited love? It confirms people’s intuitive sense that leading someone can just make them fall for you more deeply, Laurin says. “If this person is telling me no, but I perceive that as not totally absolute, if I still think I have a shot, that’s just going to strengthen my desire and my feeling, that’s going to make me think I need to fight to win the person over,” she says. “If instead I believe no, I definitely don’t have a shot with this person, then I might rationalize it and decide that I don’t like them that much anyway.”

Bulls-eye. An elegant confirmation of push-pull game theory. Drawing a woman in, then pushing her away by, for example, disqualifying yourself or her, will switch the courtship dynamic around so that she is in the role of the chaser, instead of the typical female role of the chased. A woman who isn’t sure you really like her because your actions are calculated to deliver an ambiguous message, is more likely to press the seduction forward than she would with either a fulsomely unambiguous man or a completely uninterested man.

If you flirt with a woman, raise her buying temperature, but then show no interest at all in her for the remainder of the night, she will rationalize her rejection by telling herself she never really wanted you.

There are many real-world examples of women rationalizing their rejection or low sexual market value. Below, I list some of the more common ones.

“I’m not interested in guys who like anorexic women.” 
“Men my age won’t date me? I prefer younger men anyway.” 
“Men are intimidated by my intelligence/career/education.” 
“Men don’t like opinionated women.” 
“Women reach their sexual peak at 35!” 
“I get all the love I need from my child.” 
“I was looking for a one night stand, too.” 
“No man is good enough for me and my child.” 
“Men are afraid of commitment.” 
“Now that I’m older I choose my men more carefully.” 
“Men refuse to grow up and settle down.” 
“Men who date younger girls can’t handle women their age.” 
“I’ve grown into my beauty.” 
“Real men appreciate my curves.” 
“A confident man loves a woman with experience.” 
“I’m not dating because I need me-time.” 
“He stopped calling because he got scared.” 

And, of course, the all-time favorite rationalization of the castaway driftwood of womankind:

“There are no good men left.” 

Some may ask why I so confidently assert that the female rationalization hamster is stronger and speedier than the male rationalization hamster. The answer is simple. Since women are the more biologically valuable sex, they have a lot more ego to lose — and hence to spin into hamsterrific delusion — by being rejected or downgraded to the invisible fringes of the mating market.

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A Girl’s Dilemma: The Appreciating Asset Boyfriend

A foreign girl [country of residence redacted to protect privacy], cute but not so pretty that she would elicit crippling approach anxiety from the average beta, writes the following:

Hi,

I’m writing to ask for advice – I’m sure you get this a lot, but I will be truly grateful for any form of response. I’ll be as succinct as I can.

I’m [early 20s], [non-American], and a very happy girlfriend of an alpha. I met him [a number of] years ago and it was pretty much love at first sight, he was not like all other men who seem like children compared to him. I’ve been chasing him for two years but he was always involved or interested in other girls. We were always good friends but even after I told him I loved him he said he didn’t see me that way, even though we had slept together a couple times.

But now we are together and I’ve never been happier. When I think about other men I’ve slept with I feel disgust and I didn’t like it (I thought I was one of those girls who just couldn’t enjoy sex) [ed: a lot of female “libido problems” would disappear if such women started fucking alphas. this is something the feminist and therapist lobbies will never tell you] and I somehow always ended up in charge. When my boyfriend is dominant, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

He was always smart and very intelligent but lacked motivation. But since we started dating, he seems very focused on studying (we are in the same [graduate level] course), getting better [occupational field] qualifications (he’s even enrolled me for the same [credentials] he’s pursuing) and finding a high paying job. I can’t say I object, but I feel like I should be doing the same for him.

I gave up smoking to pay for gym equipment and membership (although he said he’ll pay for both, since it’s a gift to himself) and started putting more work into studying, but I feel like it’s not enough. He jokes that he loves me the way I am unless I gain weight, which I would never do. I try to engage in his hobbies (he occasionally likes [male-oriented hobby], which incidentally I do too). But is there anything else I can do to keep him pleased with me? Do you know if some gym classes (like yoga or pilates) are better for making girls more attractive quicker?

I attach a picture. I know my nose is quite big and my chin is too manly [ed: her nose is big, but her chin and jawline are not too manly], but I cannot afford plastic surgery and my boyfriend says I’m still too young to even think about it.

Anything you write will be very helpful, I really don’t want and can’t afford to lose him and go back to either being alone or dating boys or macho idiots.

I write to you because my friends are not objective – your writing is harsh, but usually right to the point without the sugarcoating. And, well, my girlfriends have no experience with men like my boyfriend.

Thank you in advance, I really hope you will find the time to help a girl become a better woman.

Best wishes,

[Anon]

Before I, or the more helpful commenters, can give you the answers you need, it’s important to understand the dynamics of your relationship with your alpha boyfriend. Having no personal experience with you or the way you and your boyfriend behave together, all we can go on is what you wrote in your email, and your attached photo. For instance, I have to assume your boyfriend really is the alpha you claim he is. And I have to assume you are as happy with him as you say you are. Without those assumptions, I can’t offer any advice that isn’t tainted in its premises, and therefore useless. Your honesty, then, is assumed for purposes of discussion.

Right off the bat, I will make a prediction that your relationship with him won’t last. I know it shakes you to the core to hear this, but your history with him leads me to this conclusion. I wish I could tell you otherwise, and I hope I’m wrong because you write like a sweet girl. And, no, my prediction has nothing to do with your looks (though if he is an alpha male with numerous options in the dating market, I should warn you that, despite your cuteness and slimness, your looks are probably not competitive enough with the sorts of girls he could conceivably attract).

The warning sign for impending relationship fracture is the two years you spent “chasing him” while he was banging other girls. This is the action of a man who is not wholly enamored of your feminine charms. It may seem a contradiction to you because you read this blog and know that it counsels men to reconstruct the seduction process so that the girl does the chasing, (and we can see how well it worked on you), but there are differences between game and genuine apathy. This boyfriend of yours likely falls in the latter category.

Now I’m going to tackle your other admission against interest: your boyfriend’s focused pursuit to raise his status since he began formally (i.e., exclusively) dating you.

When men get into comfortable relationships, what normally happens is a slackening of the masculine drive to excel. There is even scientific evidence for this; after marriage, men in a variety of occupations — science, math, business — experience a reduction in their productive output. The most parsimonious explanation for this phenomenon is that once a man has landed a woman and codified it with a marriage contract or a commitment to date exclusively, the fire in his belly slowly burns out because he no longer feels a compulsion to impress potential mates.

But in your relationship, your boyfriend has done the opposite; he has stepped up his striving for personal achievement and, consequently, higher male status. Should he succeed, he will be more attractive to more women with better looks. This is bad news for you, because… say it with me…

OPTIONS = INSTABILITY.

There are two main reasons why a man would suddenly become motivated to excellence after he starts dating a girl (and before they have had any children together).

Reason #1: He has shot out of his league.

That is, he is equal or lower value than the girl, and this subconscious recognition fills him with anxiety. He can’t believe he is dating such a prize female, so he works extra hard to keep her around.

Reason #2: He has settled.

Sometimes a man decides to settle for a girl who is less attractive than the kinds of girls he could get if he put a little effort into it. Men normally do this because they lack confidence, game, or energy to pursue higher quality prospects, or they have settled because the girl is a low maintenance rebound from a previously painful breakup. What then happens is that these men feel trapped in their less-than-ideal relationships, and become motivated to improve themselves so that they can leave the relationship without enduring too much celibate downtime between the comforts of the ex’s pussy and any future pussy. It’s the “monkey swinging from branch to branch” theory of relationship management.

My conclusion — and I really do hate bringing you this news, but I suspect it’s something you knew all along or you wouldn’t have written this blog in desperation seeking advice — is that your boyfriend falls into category #2, based on the information you have divulged about your history with him.

Your dilemma showcases the inherent tension in all male-female couplings: a woman’s sexual market value will nearly ALWAYS depreciate after her early 20s, while a man’s sexual market value can conceivably appreciate for DECADES more. This tension underlies the mechanics of almost every jot and tittle of our feelings when desire overcomes us. It is the poison pill slipped into the chalice of delight.

Since I fear your relationship with your boyfriend is doomed, I suggest you enjoy the remaining time you have with him to the fullest, but keep an eye out for replacement suitors. Don’t dismiss men out of hand because you “have a boyfriend”; think about practicing your dormant flirting skills, even if you don’t intend any interaction to lead anywhere.

If… IF… I am wrong about the dynamics of your relationship (and this possibility does exist), and your boyfriend does truly love you and want to be with you and only you for a long time, there are a few things you can do to reinforce his attraction for you.

1. Get a nose job. You’re not too young for rhinoplasty. I don’t know why your boyfriend is telling you that, unless it’s to make you feel better. You can easily boost your attractiveness rating by a half to a full point with a smaller nose.
2. Don’t ever gain weight. You’re doing well on that score.
3. Since you’re already slim, you can improve your body by toning it up. This means weightlifting. Hit the gym and do squats, presses, and triceps exercises. Don’t worry about “becoming too muscly”. That’s just an excuse fat and lazy girls use to avoid the weights. No woman becomes too big from weightlifting unless she takes steroids or works out seven days a week and eats like a pig.
4. All the girls I see going and coming from a local strength yoga class have the most beautifully righteous asses I have bore witness to on any women. I suggest you join a strength yoga class. The cause and effect may be backwards, but it’s worth the membership if there’s a chance you will achieve an ass like that.
5. Stop supplicating to your boyfriend. A lesson in basic human psychology is in order. The more you act like a sycophant — abiding his every trivial wish, excessively lavishing love and unearned praise on him, pretending to enjoy all his hobbies — the more he will begin to believe you are unworthy of his commitment, particularly since you do not bring incredible beauty to the table. You need an inner game correction. Make (small) demands of him, temper your flattery, have your own hobbies. Play a little hard-to-get. Be coy, not slavish. Be sexy, not slutty. Be feminine, not desperate. You may even want to flirt with other men and try to make your boyfriend jealous. Don’t overdo this, though. If he’s as alpha as you say he is, he’ll have no trouble upping the jealousy ante with his own flirtations.

Men who have good game will play hot-cold-hot-cold with women because it builds attraction. Men with experience know that playing a male version of hard-to-get is catnip to women’s sexual psyches. Women are especially vulnerable to this sort of seductive manipulation, because it is essentially a co-opting of their own devious courtship tactics.

Women naturally tease, feint and misdirect because it is in their nature to do so; such behavior helps screen the unflappable alpha males from the bewildered betas. Men do not naturally tease because all their screening is done within seconds of seeing a girl; her beauty, or lack of it, is comprehended instantly.

But once a woman falls in love, as you have done, she surrenders all possession of the faculties which served her well during the courtship dance. A woman in love is a woman stripped of all her armor; she is exposed. You are exposed. Your emotional nakedness prances around every word you write like a frantic sprite.

It is possible for a woman to keep a beta male slavishly devoted to her by pushing him away and pulling him back with enticements of sexual or emotional gratification. Ironically, the very success of such manipulation renders the beta male more unattractive, resulting in a self-defeating loop for the woman. You should not worry that pulling away from your boyfriend will make him unattractive, but you should worry that too much manipulation will drive him away. While male manipulation of this sort is highly effective on all women, the equivalent female manipulation is much less effective on the most desirable men, the alpha males. An alpha male will simply exercise his many options to secure replacement women should his current lover become too burdensome or wrapped up in gamesmanship.

However, the avoidance of sycophancy is not the same as cunning gamesmanship. I suggest you take a step away from your alpha boyfriend and give him mental room to appreciate your worth. Right now, from all appearances, you are suffocating him. Your actions are working against your interest. Check yourself.

*cracks knuckles, leans back with hands behind head* Where else will you find this valuable advice for free? You can thank me by emailing nudie pics of yourself. Please do not Americanize your facial expressions.

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Ex-Stripper Describes Her “Girl Game”

I’ve noticed a trend in the MSM. Men invent something controversial, get little mainstream press, women follow up with their watered-down version, get tons of mainstream press. In this case, an aging ex-stripper has landed on the front page of the New York Post where she discusses girl game: the female version of getting “what you want” from men, which in femspeak means getting love, money, attention and resources with, presumably, the ultimate goal being marriage. (Although you have to wonder about the kind of man who would be willing to pony up big bucks for a useless rock and ceremony to geld himself by marrying a road-worn and tossed away wet ex-stripper single mom with enough cock notches on her vagina wall to make it look like a gynecological cave painting.)

I don’t much write about girl game — aka The Rules — because it is, for the most part, ineffective relative to the thermonuclear game that girls already have at their disposal; namely, their youth and beauty. An ugly girl can run all the “girl game” she wants; it won’t make a lick of difference to her prospects. Conversely, a hot girl will often get what she wants without any girl game. In fact, girl game can actually hurt her chances with the alpha males she loves because those are the kinds of guys least affected, and most turned-off, by girl game machinations. Only in the middle where the average over-25 plain janes congregate can girl game help at the farthest margins, and then only by helping them snag betas who are more likely to fall for it.

With that in mind, let’s examine this whore’s recipe for dating bliss. First, here’s a look at her:

Not bad, not good. She has the tell-tale post-op tranny face that bespeaks a lifetime of pumping and getting dumped. That lifestyle tends to masculinize women. I wouldn’t pay her for a lap dance, but I would bang her for free. Once. With a kevlar condom.

So what does this broad “Diane Passage” have to say about girl game?

1. Show your confidence at all times — especially when you feel it the least. No one will ever know if this is true, but if you believe it, others will, too. A friend of mine who was a dancer at a club once gave me the advice to always enter a room “proud as a peacock” — stand up straight and move confidently. She worked in Las Vegas, where it’s highly competitive for any type of dancer or entertainer. She was a pretty girl, but average in comparison to other women. But wherever she walked — whether it was a club, casino or a grocery store — all eyes were on her.

Classic case of female projection. Women love confidence in men, so they think men must love the same in women. Nope. Confidence in women is neutral to their dating market value at best, and actively off-putting at worst. Most likely, this “confident”, “stands tall” Las Vegas girl she talks about has a big rack, and guys were staring at her jutting tits that she was thrusting outward.

Very shy girls who are pretty will arouse a deep, instinctive authoritarian desire in men to protect and sexually serve. Women don’t need to be loudmouths or assertive if they are cute. It helps, in fact, if they are a little effacing and deferential. A woman with *clinically* low self-esteem, (as distinct from nearly all women who are told they have low self-esteem but in actuality are full of themselves), can temper a man’s lust by slouching, mumbling and denigrating herself. Why? Because men will think she’s not interested.

2. I can create my own outcome and accomplish any goal. I like to set goals for anything — serious or ridiculous. I started doing this when I worked at the club; I’d set weekly income goals to help me stay focused and not get onto a downward spiral (which is typical for exotic dancers). Along the way I set fun goals — attending certain concerts, parties, etc. My most ridiculous goal? Hooking up with a certain male porn star. A friend of mine offered to buy the star for me for one night, but I declined. It’ll be far more satisfying to accomplish my goal on my own. Whether your goals are serious, fun or both — never think you can’t have it all!

New age, feelgood pablum. Worse than useless. This will encourage ugly, old and fat girls to avoid putting in the necessary work to make themselves more attractive to men. Newsflash, ladies: No, you can’t have it all. You can have what your best assets will bring you by maximizing their impact and minimizing the impact of your worst liabilities. Some liabilities, of course, are not mitigable. PS: Getting a male porn star to fuck you is not an accomplishment. Getting him to love you and commit to you is.

3. Slow and steady wins the race. While goals are important, you shouldn’t set unrealistic time limits to achieve them. People do crazy things under deadlines. An acquaintance of mine stalked a man because she was obsessed with getting married before the age of 35. Last year, she fell head over heels on one of her first dates. On Facebook, she saw he was looking forward to a sushi dinner at his favorite restaurant. My friend knew where to find him, because he’d mentioned the same restaurant on their date! So early in the evening, she planted herself at a table with a good view of the place. He showed up . . . with another date. This woman is seemingly sane otherwise. If she dropped the marriage deadline and just had fun dating, I bet she’d end up meeting her goal — without stalking!

This advice isn’t half bad as a way to avoid the worst mistakes women make. Women can quickly kill a sexy, fun vibe and drive an alpha man away by revealing their desperation on a first date. Or even during the first year of dating. (Beta men will stick around and suffer her desperation because they, too, are desperate.) As women don’t want to feel like sex objects, men don’t want to feel like commitment objects.

4. Every girl should know the basics of fishing and dog training. Several years ago, my son [ed: bastard spawn soon to be huffing paint under an overpass] took an interest in fishing. I had to learn, too, so I could help him with it. Little did I know that my basic fishing knowledge would end up serving me well in the world of romance! When dating, I like to try a fun and sporty approach. As the person who’s fishing, I’m able to lead my “fish,” so I have the advantage of getting what I want. My bait: smile, hair, makeup, clothing, stilettos and either legs or cleavage (never both at the same time). [ed: no, because that would be slutty. it’s not like he’ll think you’re a skank when he hears about your stripper past and bastard sprog] My hook: a flirty, mysterious demeanor. When I “reel” a man in, that means I’m getting to know him. He always has the option to free himself from my “hook.” And I always have the option to throw him back into the dating sea. If I decide to keep my “fish,” then I switch to boundary-setting mode. I’ve trained a dog, raised a son and have been married twice to men who wanted nothing more than to make me happy [ed: if she’s been married twice and is currently an unmarried single mom, then they weren’t very interested in making her happy. nor was she interested in making them happy. and single women should take advice from her?]. I know how not to let a male dominate me. The one consistent thing for all types of men: consistent enforcement of boundaries and giving rewards when they deserve them.

It sounds like she ripped this nominal idea straight from the Chateau archives. Anyhow, what she is saying here is nothing new. She’s just repackaging the time-tested advice to women to look as good as possible to capture a man’s interest by trying to make it sound edgier with the comparison to dog training and fishing. And enforcement of boundaries? What does that even mean? Her boundaries have obviously been rodgered to complete permeability.

5. My wallet does not exist. It might sound like an outdated cliché, but if you’re a woman, you should never reach into your wallet while you’re in the presence of a man. Even if you’ve been married for years. Not only must a man pay for the main components of a date (dinner, etc.), but they must also take care of taxi fare, coat check and bathroom attendant tips. The woman who believes in this mantra is not a gold-digger or obligated to “return the favor.” The few times I’ve gone “dutch” on dates, it usually results in the man feeling emasculated because of it — or it means the guy has some sort of money hang-up. Can an emasculated guy or someone with issues give you what you want? Not for me!

How sweet. An old-fashioned stripper single mom. The worst of every world. Now here’s some real talk for the single women reading: the only men you’ll get by playing the role of whore golddigger are betas with few other options and rich men with harems and zero game, wit or charm. Don’t bet on the latter unless you’re smoking hot.

6. My presence is a gift. Know your value — and not in dollar amounts. Relationships are work — and work has value. Do the rewards of your relationship satisfy you? What do you want from your partner? I broke up with a guy (who my friends and I nicknamed “The Whiny Baby”) because he was too high-maintenance, emotionally. This wouldn’t have been a problem if he could have just provided a bit of emotional support in return. [ed: translation: he treated her like the worthless aging stripper single mom she is] I told him that, and he briefly turned into a decent boyfriend until becoming a whiny baby. I decided my time was too valuable and he had to go.

This reads like he dumped her and she’s rationalizing it as her decision. Allow me to clarify. Your presence is only a gift if you’re pleasing to look at. It is less of a gift if you think you look as good at 35 as you did at 25, and you are saddled with kid baggage from another man. (This is starting to sound like a broken record. But it needs to be said, over and over, apparently.)

7. Allow your man to believe he is in charge. Men like to play the dominant role in relationships, so why not encourage the fantasy? This summer, I was with a man who was sensitive about women using him for his money. He watched me like a hawk, so my usual tactics were no good. But he was open to spending extravagantly at charity events, fine restaurants and so on. So I invited him to my friends’ events and establishments — where he was free to spend money — and I remained quiet and pretty, as he required me to be.

She’s contradicting herself. Above she says she does not allow men to dominate her. Here, she says she encourages men to dominate her. Oh, but of course she couches it in terms of “letting him feel like” he is dominating her. Hair-splitting. He’s either making the decisions, giving her orders and demanding she look pretty and remain quiet, or he’s not. Leave it to a single mom stripper to vomit whatever ill-conceived toddler babbling happens to scoot across her gyrating frontal lobe.

Not that there isn’t some substance to the advice to placate a man’s desire to dominate. A woman who constantly battles a man for dominance is an unloved woman. Men don’t respond on a visceral level to those kinds of women. And it works the other direction, too: men who renege on their duty to dominate are often pushed around and unloved by the women in their lives.

8. As a woman, it’s my right to act bitchy on occasion. When a man first approaches me, I’m icy cold and dismissive. The weak men leave. The ones who are up for a challenge stick around and show their charm and wit, and may land a date. Refer to mantra No. 4 (dog training) — along with boundaries, give rewards when due — leading to mantra No. 6 (value). A woman’s time, smile and interest are valuable and can be rewarded to the man who deserves her attention. Being icy or lukewarm at first also maintains an element of mystery. In addition, refer to mantra No. 5 (woman never pays). A man does not deserve a woman’s phone number without buying her and her friend(s) a drink, not to mention paying their entire bar tab.

Any man who buys a girl *and* her yakking yenta friends drinks, and pays their entire bar tab, just to get her precious, gold-plated number, is, by definition, an emasculated, hopeless beta who has the masturbation stamina of ten men. I doubt very much this skank ho would respect, let alone desire, such a man.

Mostly, what she writes here in point #8 is a rewording of the conventional wisdom that a woman who puts out too easily will harm her chance to get men to commit to her. (Leave aside her admonition to be bitchy. That’s not advice. It’s just a recognition that hot chicks will shit test men to discern their alphaness.) There is some truth in the CW. Beta and alpha men alike subconsciously downgrade loose women from potential girlfriend material to funtime sluts. But a woman has to carefully walk that tightrope; too much coyness, playing hard-to-get and bitchiness, and the alpha males of her dreams will quickly find sweeter and moister pastures. Too little, and they will relegate her to fuckbuddy status. And herein lies the main problem with “girl game”:

Girl game is effective at manipulating exactly the kinds of men women desire the least.

Horny, desperate betas — not sexually satisfied alphas — are the ones who will allow themselves to be toyed with by scheming girls. If those are the men you want, ladies, you can’t go wrong listening to the dating advice of a washed-up wednesday night stripper single mom.

Luckily for us men, game — real game — is just what the best looking girls crave.

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