Thought Experiment

You’ve met a girl, hit it off, and banged her. A week later, you bang her again, but this time she says she has to go for good because, and though she feels bad about covering it up, she’s actually in a relationship. You, being the intrepid pussy hound you are, understand that her “relationship” is creaking like an old attic. With the right words you have a chance of stealing her away.

After she mentions the boyfriend, replying with which of the following will give you the best odds of banging her again:

a) “It’s good that you’ve found your one true love. People can sometimes search forever and never find that person who opens them up to explore all the possibilities. I’m sure when you see him your heart still races… he sparks your passion… you feel electricity every time he touches you… that is a great feeling… to know you have that with someone who really REALLY loves you… and you really love in return.”

b) “I can tell by the look in your eyes and the tone of your voice you’re not into this guy. This is crazy, I know, but I’m going to guess that you feel you should be with someone else… now, with me… I never stay in relationships for convenience. Do you know what I mean? There is too little time in this world to waste it on someone you don’t love. You can do better. Forget about him and just be here with me.”

c) “Boyfriend?? Drop the zero and get with the hero, babe!”

d) “Boyfriend? That’s cool. Bring him along! He can buy us drinks.”

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Bad Date

How a man and woman describe the same bad date.

Man

she kept talking about herself… she talked about the most boring shit… when she blabbed about her ex i tried to change the subject… her left tit was smaller… her breath stank… her ass was kinda flat… i put my arm around her waist to check for rolls and she’s got a little muffin top… she turned her face at the last second when i went for the kiss, i hate when a chick plays coy… i just want to bang her and get it out of the way, then we can get to know each other…

Woman

he kept talking about himself… he wasn’t listening to me at all… he kept interrupting me when i asked about his dating history, god he’s got so much baggage!… he was staring at my boobs… his shoes were scuffed… i caught him checking out my ass, he was so obvious… he got too touchy-feely when he put his arm around me… he tried to kiss me and i could see it coming a mile away, his timing is so bad… i just want to get to know a guy before i sleep with him…

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Sweetness

Sweetness is defined as robbing a girl of the satisfaction of walking away from a failing relationship with the upper hand. It means stealing her thunder when she wants to be the dumper. There are two ways to do this, and both require presence of mind to accurately assess when she is about to pull the trigger. Timing is everything; you need to act right after she has made up her mind but just before she announces her intent to leave. Striking when the dissolution of the relationship has reached core meltdown will ensure maximum emotional impact and bewilderment.

Strategy 1

Dump her first.

Don’t do it too early while the embers of love are still strong or you’ll forswear many more months of sex and leave her brokenhearted. The Moloko Plus of righteous vengeance tastes bitter when raised in toast to a hapless, innocent victim. Save your awesome cruelty for the deserving. After she has grown cold to your affections and has begun plotting her escape she will care not a whit for your well-being. Thereafter feel free to unleash your malevolence unburdened by guilt.

When she has stopped returning your calls promptly and you sense the first stirrings of trouble, put your plan into action. Arrange to meet for drinks at your favorite bar (familiar turf is best). She won’t balk yet because you and her are still dating even if the spark has left. She may have lost the desire to hang out with you but her sense of obligation to the relationship will linger a little while longer. This window of tentative indifference usually lasts about two weeks. This is when you will act. As you and her are sitting there drinking and you’re watching her get more irritable by the minute, pause dramatically and with great solemnity announce that it’s just not working out, you’ve felt this way for a while, and though you hate hurting her like this you can’t fake it anymore and pretend like everything’s OK. You think it is unfair to keep her in a one-sided relationship when you don’t share her feelings and you want to end it now so the both of you can move on.

IMPORTANT: Do NOT give her an opportunity to respond. You want the confusion to fuck with her head for weeks.

Stand up from the table, throw a few bucks down for the drinks, and tell her you hope you can still be friends. When she attempts to sputter something in defense, hold up your hand forcefully and say “Don’t make it harder! We both need time to ourselves”, then walk out.

Strategy 2

Use her dumping power against her.

Wait for her to initiate the inevitable breakup talk and get a sense of the direction she plans to steer the conversation, then use her own words as your weapons. For instance, if she starts “I’ve been thinking…” you reply “I’ve been thinking too…”. If she says “I need space…” you say “I agree, we both need space…” then give her a reason why that space is so important by homing in on one of her critical weaknesses. Don’t know her critical weakness? What are you, a nancyboy? One of the first things you should accomplish in a relationship is taking a mental note of your girlfriend’s vulnerabilities. If you feel bad about doing this, trust me, she’s doing it to you. So find her buttons in case you need to press them in the future.

This strategy works only if you execute with the utmost subtlety. Simply blurting out everything you find distasteful about her after she has already lowered the boom will make you look feeble and hurt. You want to agree with her and then add your own opinion of the reasons for the failed relationship as if you understand her difficulty and are trying to make the whole process of dumping you easier for her. At first, she will approve of your “maturity” in handling the situation; later, when what you have said sinks in, she will seethe with hatred for you.

An example of this happened to me with a LAWYER chick I had dated for a couple months. She didn’t return one of my text messages for two days so I knew what to expect when she finally called. I answered the phone prepared:

Her: I have something to tell you…

Me: Yeah, me too.

Her: You do? Well go ahead, what did you want to say?

Me: No, you go first. I didn’t mean to interrupt.

Her: Well, OK… I’m sorry about this but I just don’t see us working out…

Me: I know…

Her: … and I don’t think… you know?

Me: Yeah, we’re not a good match. You’re looking for something else, and I’m looking for a more down-to-earth girl.

[NOTE: Every chick lawyer’s open bleeding wound is being thought of as too uptight, snobby, and anal. Telling a lawyer she is not down-to-earth is like rubbing rock salt in the wound.]

Her: Down-to-earth?

Me: I guess I was hoping it would work itself out.

Her: [Switching into snippy lawyer-talk mode] Well, I’m glad we can agree on this. Good day.

Oh I had hit pay dirt. Sure, I didn’t want the good times to end but at least I stopped her momentum dead in its tracks and left her with steam coming out of her ears. The proof of this is in what happened six months later when she saw me sitting at a sidewalk cafe table with some friends — she approached me and looked visibly nervous as she practically shouted how great it was to see me. My deft handling of the breakup had seared an indelible impression in her mind. Robbing her of the closure every woman needs with a breakup is a surefire way to keep the attraction simmering.

With great hate comes great love.

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Dating Market Value For Women

UPDATE:
I’ve adjusted the scoring and categories a bit because the test was skewed somewhat toward lower scores.  For those who have arguments with my scoring system, understand that it is based on averages.  I’m sure everyone knows a 34 year old woman who is just as hot as the average 22 year old girl, but the exceptions don’t make the rules.

And a note on BMI:
I used the 1959 Met Life height-weight insurance charts as guides as they are the most accurate (before American “grade inflation” made obese the new normal).  A 5’10” 140lb woman would have a BMI of 20.1, which puts her well within the most desirable BMI category.

*****

If you are a woman, this test will measure your dating market value.  The higher the number, the better quality man you can catch.  The lower the number, the more likely you will find yourself surrounded by cats.  Unlike the male version of this test, here I have added a sliding scale to some of the questions because this better reflects the outsized importance that certain factors have on a woman’s total sexual value.

Guys, you may take this quiz for your girlfriends or wives to see if you have settled for tepid sex once a week or if you always get hard looking at her and never forget her birthday.

1.  How old are you?

15 to 16 years old:  +5 points
17 to 20 years old:  +10 points
21 to 25 years old:  +8 points
26 to 29 years old:  +3 point
30 to 33 years old:  0 points
33 to 36 years old:  -1 point
37 to 40 years old:  -5 points
41 to 45 years old:  -8 points
46 to 49 years old:  -10 points
over 49:  you’ve hit the wall.  waysa?

2.  How important is makeup to your appearance?

It slightly enhances my looks:  0 points
I look like a different woman with makeup:  -1 point
I’m a natural beauty.  My morning face looks the same as my evening face:  +1 point

3.  What is your IQ?  (This relates tangentially to your ability to connect emotionally with a man.)

Under 85:  -1 point
85 to 100:  0 points
101 to 120:  +1 point
121 to 145:  0 points
Over 145:  -1 point

*****

The following ten questions deal with the physical attractiveness of your body.

4.  Your breast size is:

Bee stings up to A cup:  -1 point
B cup:  0 points
C cup:  +1 point
D cup, naturally firm:  +2 points
DD cup, firm:  +1 point
E cup and up:  0 points

5.  Your breasts look firm and pert when you wear:

A bra:  0 points
An underwire push-up bra:  -1 point
Nothing:  +1 point

6.  How long are your legs in relation to your height?

Long:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Short:  -1 point

7.  What is the shape of your ass?

Flat:  -1 point
Round and fleshy:  +1 point
Round, fleshy, and firm:  +2 points
Flat and saggy:  -2 points
Just average:  0 points

8.  How flat is your stomach?

Cutting board flat:  +1 point
Slight pouch:  0 points
Muffin top:  -1 point
Flabby beer gut and fupa:  -10 points

9.  How toned are your upper arms?

Very toned, I can see my triceps:  +1 point
Average, not flabby:  0 points
If I hold my arm out, I can wobble the fat underneath my upper arm:  -1 point

10.  How big are your hands?

Delicate piano fingers, proportionally small:  +1 point
Average size:  0 points
Manhands:  -1 point

11.  Where is there hair on your body?

My head and pubic area only:  +1 point
I have to shave my legs daily and wax my bushy eyebrows:  0 points
I have dark forearm hair and a mustache:  -1 point
Nipples, asscrack, and that giant mole on my back:  -2 points

12.  Get a tape ruler and measure around your waist and your hips.  Divide your waist number by your hip number.  This ratio is:

0.65 to 0.75:  +1 point
0.55 to 0.64:  0 points
under 0.55:  -1 point
0.76 to 0.85:  0 points
0.85 to 0.95:  -1 point
over 0.95:  -2 points

13.  What is your BMI?

(Go here to calculate your BMI.  The scoring of female BMI varies somewhat from that of male BMI because aesthetics, not just general health, have to be taken into consideration.)

under 14.1:  -10 points
14.1 to 15.0:  -5 points
15.1 to 16.5:  0 points
16.6 to 17.4:  +3 points
17.5 to 21.0:  +10 points
21.1 to 23.0:  +3 points
23.1 to 24.5:  0 points
24.6 to 28.0:  -5 points
28.1 to 33.0:  -10 points
over 33.0:  stop taking this quiz.  you get nothing!  you lose!  good day madam!

*****

The next ten questions are the section of the test that measures your facial beauty.  Since so much of a woman’s dating market value resides in the appeal of her face, I have chosen to examine some traits in finer detail.  To illustrate how very subtle changes in facial characteristics can mean the difference between beautiful and ugly, look at these two photos:

I do not even have to label these photos because almost all my readers viewing them, men and women, will instinctively know which is the hot girl and which is not.  Remember this the next time someone tells you beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

14.  On a scale of 1 to 10, how pretty are you?

Note:  Do not bother soliciting the opinions of the following people, because they will not give you a truthful answer.

Your family.
Your heterosexual female friends.
Your homosexual male friends.
Your heterosexual male friends who would sleep with you given the chance.

Instead, put your pic up on hotornot and check back in a week.  Otherwise, go with what you’ve overheard through the grapevine by people who weren’t your close friends, or suck it up and try to be as honest with yourself as possible.  Lesbians will also give you an accurate appraisal as long as it is through a third party and not directly to your face.  Use the photos above as guidelines.  Adjust your rating based on how close your facial morphology matches one or the other.

0:  don’t bothering finishing this test.
1 to 2:  -10 points
3 to 4:  -5 points
5:  -1 point
6:  +2 points
7:  +5 points
8 to 9:  +8 points
10:  +12 points

15.  How clear is your skin?

No acne, blemishes, or poorly located moles:  0 points
Some combination of the above:  -1 point
People are always telling you how silky smooth your skin looks:  +1 point

16.  Do you have any noticeable deformities?

Yes, minor:  -1 point
Yes, major:  -10 points
No:  0 points

17.  How full are your lips?

Pencil thin:  -1 point
Average:  0 points
Juicily plump:  +1 point
Weirdly oversized:  0 points

18.  How high is your forehead?

Low:  -1 point
Average:  0 points
High:  +1 point

19.  How long is your jawline from ear to chin?

Long:  -1 point
Average:  0 points
Short:  +1 point

20.  How big is your chin?

Small:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Large:  -1 point

21.  How big is your nose?

Small:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Large:  -1 point

22.  In proportion to the size of your face, are your eyes:

Large and saucer-like:  +1 point
Normal-sized:  0 points
Small and beady:  -1 point

23.  Is the distance between your eyes:

Wide:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Narrow:  -1 point

The bottom line on female facial beauty is that as the lower half of her face becomes smaller and more delicate, making her eyes and cheekbones appear more prominent, the better looking she will be.

*****

The final eleven questions measure your femininity, sexiness, and pleasing personality traits.  This is the closest to “game” that women have at their disposal.  It isn’t much, which is why the scoring is lowest in this section.

24.  You frequently wear sexy lingerie, even when not prepping for a hot date.

Yes:  +1 point
Special occasions only:  0 points
Never.  Ripped and stained comfy granny panties only:  -1 point

25.  When someone gets hurt you are the first to ask if they are OK and to deliver aid if needed.

Almost always:  +1 point
Occasionally:  0 points
Almost never:  -1 point

26.  You are highly competitive and often play co-ed team sports.

Yes, and I will throw an elbow if necessary.  My shelf is filled with trophies:  -1 point
I like to exercise on nice days with one on one sports like tennis:  +1 point
I’m competitive with other girls, but not guys:  0 points

27.  When a guy approaches you in a bar, regardless of your attraction for him, you:

Smile and look at him:  +1 point
Pretend like you don’t notice him coming:  0 points
Frown and tell him you’re talking to your friends before he even gets a chance to say Hi:  -1 point

28.  On a first date the check arrives for dinner and drinks.  You:

Offer to split the check or even pay in full:  +1 point
Smile and thank the guy when he pays for the check:  0 points
Forget to thank him after he pays for your ungrateful ass:  -1 point

29.  You are about to have sex with a guy for the first time.  He undresses and his penis is small.  Do you:

Tell him how great his cock looks and feels?:  +1 point
Say nothing:  0 points
Look surprised and stifle a laugh:  -1 point

30.  You think blowjobs are:

Great!  You give them spontaneously and there’s never any doubt how much you enjoy it:  +1 point
An obligation:  0 points
Gross.  You gave one after your BF proposed and spit it on his shoes:  -1 point

31.  Do you do anal?

Yes, and it makes me come to know how much it pleases my man:  +1 point
Only when I get really drunk:  0 points
Never.  It’s an exit only:  -1 point

32.  The number of sex positions you have tried is:

3 to 10:  0 points
Missionary and doggy style only:  -1 point
I’m a contortionist:  +1 point

33.  How often do you curse?

I think I said damn once:  +1 point
I blurt out fuck and shit a few times a week:  0 points
My mouth is a gutter:  -1 point

34.  You’d best describe your sense of fashion as:

I’m a label whore:  -1 point
I hide my body under baggy tees and ill-fitting jeans:  -1 point
I wear casual clothing that flatters my figure:  0 points
I wear stylish clothing on weeknights and I can handle heels over 3 inches:  +1 point
My flip flops have my foot imprint in them:  -2 points

*****

SCORING

There is a minimum of -83 points and a maximum of 64 points to earn based on the questions asked.  The reason the minimum score goes lower than the maximum score goes high is because there are a few things, such as gross obesity, old age, or a major facial deformity, that seriously negatively impact a woman’s overall rating to the point of market extinction.

The scoring breaks down as follows:

-83:  You are proof that god does not exist, but that satan does.
-82 to -56:  You’re an omega.  If it makes you feel better you will have your choice of male omegas to bang.
-55 to -40:  The majority of men are disgusted by the sight of you.  Your kind will suffer most when our sexbot overlords arrive.  Losers hit on you constantly figuring they have a chance.
-39 to -20:  You were born to cockblock.  But you’ll manage to marry a table scrap.
-19 to -5:  Lesser beta.  The men you want make fun of you out of earshot.  You spend many years learning how to settle for mediocre betas.
-4 to 14:  Classic beta.  Your hot friends always gets hit on first, but if you really tramp it up you can snag a slightly better than average guy to take you home for a single night of commitment.
15 to 29:  Greater beta.  More than a few attractive guys will approach you.  But if your personality is flawed you risk becoming a pump and dump victim.
30 to 43:  You are officially a nascent alpha female.  A lot of quality guys will hit on you and you will be able to pick and choose at your leisure.  But don’t push it.  You’re not quite hot enough to string guys along forever.
44 to 55:  You’re a bona fide hottie.  Nearly every guy who meets you agrees you are a hottie.  So does every girl.  This puts you in the top 1% of worldwide womanhood.  With great power comes great responsibility, so try to limit the number of men you torture with blueballs and LJFB rejections to fewer than 100 in your social circle.  As long as you are not a complete bitch, marriage with a top quality man will come easily to you.
56 to 63:  Guys want you, girls want to be you.  You are just short of perfection, which paradoxically means you will get hit on more than the super alpha females.  You are a player’s greatest challenge, and his greatest reward, because unlike the perfect woman there is still something human about you.  Sex, love, security, commitment, easy living… you have it all.  Only your demons can defeat you.
64:  Super Alpha.  The world is yours.  Life is an endless parade of joy and excitement.  Your power is illimitable… for now.

I hope everyone noticed what was missing from this test:

Your job.
The amount of money you make.
Your accomplishments.
Your social status and number of friends.
Your deep and profound worldview.

Unlike the men who took my Male Dating Market Value test, I do not expect *any* women to be completely honest with themselves taking the Female Dating Market Value test.  The female ego is simply way too fragile to absorb the shock of such a brutal self-assessment.  Therefore, I will be mentally subtracting 10 points from every woman who posts her score here in the comments.

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The Lawyer Vs the Nanny

Here is a comparison of two girls I briefly dated.

Girl A

• occasionally tossed out five dollar words like “antinomian”
• never spoke about her job in detail or hinted that she liked it
• talked more than once about the school she attended and about her father’s accomplishments
• i paid for her drinks
• noticed my brand of watch
• smiled a lot
• had artsy photographs hanging on her walls
• on the way to my bedroom the first time she saw a pile of my dirty clothes on the floor and made a face
• skipped foreplay, went straight to gatling gun-style jackhammer sex
• assumed the doggy position unprompted

Girl B

• liked to kiss more than talk
• bought me drinks
• made me dinner with a table setting of wine candles and flowers
• never mentioned her father
• was bilingual
• took pictures with her digital camera and emailed them to me
• on the way to my bedroom the first time she giggled as I carried her
• much foreplay followed by lovemaking in front of a wall-length mirror where we watched ourselves
• was married and hid it from me
• said she loved me

Guess which girl was the six figure corporate lawyer and which was the nanny studying psychology part time at grad school.

I think it’s interesting how much of a girl’s personality and femininity I can predict based on her career.

ANSWER:
A – lawyer.

Lawyers are way too calculating to say they love you after only a short while dating.

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The Sexual Frame

One of the traits of the beta is that he is uncomfortable with animal sexuality — his own and especially that of the women he craves.  He is loathe to initiate contact, late to respond to flirtatious signals, and leery of acknowledging the raw sexual nature of women.  His unease with himself and with women’s equally ravenous sexual appetites compels him to constantly elevate women onto pedestals and to befriend them platonically before making his intentions known, if ever.  He thinks that expressing his sexual nature too soon or too boldly will diminish them both.  He simply cannot conceive a scenario where a sexy girl will make love to him on the first day they meet.  This straightjacket of limiting beliefs is why he fails.

A way to avoid these emotionally arid pitfalls is to adopt a frame of mind that is infused with sexuality.  Everything begins in the mind.  When I see an attractive girl across the room and start walking toward her I immediately picture her naked and writhing under my sheets, sweating in ecstasy.  When I am talking with her and it is clear that we click, I imagine what it would feel like to touch her bare skin.  I am kissing her before our lips have committed to the kiss.  As we delve deeper into conversation, a part of me visualizes peeling off her clothes and imagining transactions… scenarios… a dirty smutty world of possibilities.

This is how every man should approach his interactions with women he is turned on by — unapologetically, sensually, instinctually.  Civilized norms should hold no sway over your untamed thoughts or the id that fuels them.  They are yours to do with as you please and to set the tone of whatever follows.  The advantage to having this carnal mindset at all times lies in the power it gives you to draw women into your reality.  When a woman is into you she will sense your sexual energy and mirror it.  Your thoughts will become her thoughts.  Your desire hers.  Later after sex when she is lying in your arms and talking about what led to this point you will discover that she knew it was going to happen when you knew.

Lead as a man in making no excuses for your libertine nature, and she will follow.

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Player’s Pop Quiz

Your girlfriend, who is thin, asks if you think she looks fat.  Among the following responses you could give which is most likely to make her smile and kiss you?  Which is most likely to piss her off?  Which is most likely to make her more dependent on you (AKA love you)?

The Sarcastic Answer
“Oh yes, you’re huge.  So fucking round.  I’ve seen beach balls with more sex appeal.”  *rolls eyes*

The Sincere Answer
“No, you are thin and beautiful, as I have always known you.”

The Coy Answer
“Hmm, lemmee see, turn around.  Hm, you know, it’s weird… maybe it’s the lighting in here.”

The Scornful Answer
“Are you on drugs or are you blind?  Give me a break, you know you aren’t fat.”

The Psychotherapy Answer
“If this is a cheap pity ploy to boost your sagging self-esteem or a test of my devotion I suggest a more subtle alternative route that doesn’t involve ridiculous assumptions.”

The Mendacious Insurance Policy Answer
“Yeah, now that you mention it, you did put on a few pounds, especially around the hips.”  *makes frowny face*

The Sly Answer
“Not that I would notice these things, but if you did put on a little weight, it looks good on you.”

The Non-Answer
“Girls!”

The Satirical Answer
“Does my penis look bigger?”

The Smartass Answer
“Define ‘fat’.”

The Goofball Faux-Reassurance Answer
“Don’t worry, baby, I like a little cushion for the pushin’!”

The Evasive Answer
“Hey, I love those shoes on you.  Amazing!  They really accentuate your long legs.”

The Pimp Answer
“Why don’t you work off your fat ass by getting on your knees and sucking my cock, bitch.  Don’t let me see no tears.”

The New Age Answer
“You’re coming from a fear-based place.  Let go of your ego and trust in the universe that my love is enough.”

The Charming Bastard Answer
“I can’t judge these things with clothes interfering.  A proper analysis can only be done by candlelight… with a warm bath… and a bottle of pinot noir nearby… to be sure the results are as… biased… as possible.”

Silence
*walks slowly to her, puts his hands on her cheeks, brushes aside her hair, looks in her eyes, leans in, runs his lips softly up her neck to her ear.  sits back down.*

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