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Archive for the ‘Reader Mailbag’ Category

It’s been too long since our last reader mailbag, so here we go. The emails have piled up to an unmanageable level, which means if you don’t see your question answered here, stay tuned for future reader mailbags.

Email #1 is from a reader who wishes to remain anonymous. The Niceguy’s Lament:

Dear CH,

They say the first step to fixing a problem is recognizing there is one. My problem is this: I’m a gamma. I’m 23, unkissed, I’m often called a nice guy and been rejected numerous times as a result. I fall into the trap of the worship/hate dichotomy of women. I catch the gaze of a lot of girls at uni, though, so I’m not all that unattractive. I’ve slowly began to realize that it’s not the women that’s the problem but myself. I have no game and hardly have the confidence to make advancements. When I do talk to girls, it’s the same old nice-guy small talk. Since reading your blog, though, I’ve hit the gym five times a week and have gained a chin and some confidence—after all, I do have a sizable cock. My question is this: is there hope for me and how do I get game? I want change.

Thanks.

First, a sizable cock is an asset…but only after you’ve seduced a woman into bed. Unless you’re in the habit of plonking your peter on the table for awestruck girls to gaze at hungrily, you won’t have any chance to leverage that asset until all the hard work is already done.

To your main gripe, what you’re suffering and feeling is the Niceguy’s Lament. You get eyeplay, but it never goes anywhere. Girls keep telling you you’re “a great guy” and it feels like a punch to the gut, because you know by now it means “a great guy who’s not drinking this milkshake”. Small talk inevitably leads nowhere, so here’s what you’ve got to do. I’ll give you a very simple instruction to follow, and all I want is for you to gauge girls’ reactions for any changes from prior experience.

Instead of the usual small talk, say this:

“Hey, I love your glasses/dress/shoes! My mom wears those too.”

That’s it. This is called “small talk with a shiv twist”, aka a neg aka a backhanded compliment. Watch closely for girls’ reactions; you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how indignant and yet, curious, they become toward you.

Do this wee babby step, and get back to us with a progress report. We’ll work on you from there.

PS Cut your gym time to three days per week. You’re either over-training, or not training hard enough in each session, given how you are able to recover so quickly for consecutive workouts.

***

Email #2: A female reader, leveledup, wants to know what to call a female shitlord.

Shivgirl names:

How about shivlet, shivstress, shivdolly, princess of the shiv, pinkpiller, or misschiv?

Thoughts? CH’s first stab at this problem was “shivlady”.

***

Email #3: Eggplantzzz tries to explain the rise of beta male thirst.

I was wondering if in the past, the “expectation” of marriage and faithfulness allowed most betas to be less desperate and made it easier for them to act like they have options. More precisely, since promiscuity wasn’t normalized and most womyn pretended to be chaste betas in a way “didn’t feel threatened” to perform, or weren’t so anxious about their status/performance.

Short answer: Yes. Options will exert their marital market leverage whether objectively available to the man or perceived as such by him. Beta male thirst is really an inverse function of real or perceived mate options; the more options, the less thirst. We are seeing record high levels of beta male thirst now because the sex market, for multiple reasons discussed at this blog, favors women; this skew doesn’t have to be large, only large enough to strongly affect the margins until there’s a huge ripple effect extending out over the entire playing field.

Beta males who feel as though marriage with an under-30, feminine, slender woman is a realistic expectation are of course less likely to litter women’s Faceborg feeds with “you go grrl!” motivationals and the tepid wayward seed of their fapped-out blue balls.

The good news is that there’s a hidden treasure waiting to be unearthed in a female-biased sexual market, for any man who has Game. The more women are clumsily hit on by anti-Game thirsty beta males, the more eagerly they’ll lap up the sexy ministrations of the aloof alpha cad who acts as if the world of women is his harem.

***

Email #4 is from Padawan, who needs advice about how to open chicks on dating apps like Tinder.

Hail lord and saviour.

Now that’s an intro I can strut in behind.

I’m a new learner on the path to the truth and I’m having a good progression but my weak point is sending the opener texts at dating apps like okcupid/tinder etc. I’m successful at dating and bedding women I meet irl , however usually I am clueless about what to say in the first message to get the chicks interested on virtual platforms. I have far less trouble with keeping the conversation and directing the topic to sex and meeting up *when* my opener gets through but that’s the only real trouble I have, it usually doesn’t get through especially when it’s with empty profiles that I have to make shit up out of blue (which I assume is the real thing that differentiates real winner alphas from the semi-betas) [ed: it can’t hurt] so I’d be grateful if you wrote a guide on how to open up with good starters for your young learners. And thank you for all your helpful articles.

Check the CH archives for online Game; there’s too much info to recap here. I’ll keep it brief, instead, to get the ball rolling for you.

Tinder/OkCupid and the rest are FEMALE ATTENTION WHORE VEHICLES. That means,

  1. don’t feed their egos
  2. jolt them out of their expectations that a deluge of beta male thirst is their due

Abide those two rules and your online dating adventures will feel like a spring breeze blowing through labial leaves.

In practice, these two online dating rules mean:

  • be terse
  • don’t be long-winded
  • don’t be needy (end chats first)
  • assume familiarity
  • don’t get bogged down in emotional conversation
  • don’t fall into the girl’s frame (always be framing)
  • push-pull is your friend (push more than you would pull)
  • a neg or disqualification opener right out of the gate is perfectly acceptable
  • you may experiment with “going the full asshole” in the dating app milieu

Remember, the girl is chasing you; you’re not chasing the girl.

A classic PUA OkTinder opener is the following:

you’re everything I thought I never wanted in a girl

Delightfully ambiguous, something girls can’t resist. Downside: this may be played out by now. (Some of the hardcore online daters ie sluts might recognize it coming from other newbie womanizers.)

In a world of thirsty betas, the man who qualifies women right away will stand out. So try this, too:

are you cool?

Simple and direct, and however she answers, you can reply “I’ll be the judge of that.” Chicknip!

There’s the sneaky opener:

woops. i meant to swipe left

And the all-purpose birthday cat opener:

birthdaycat

Finally, I will reveal a new tingle triggerer that is TNT, a combination of asshole + disqualification game + attention whore hamster nuking, so be careful when deploying it.

nagger

This last one is actually best used as an opener or early on, in response to nothing particularly nagger-ish  by the girl, because she’ll wonder what she’s done to earn this repudiation.

Girl: “? what i do?”

Underworld Emissary: “nothing, yet. I’m just getting it out there now and out of the way.”

PS Here’s a guy who claims to have a pickup routine that puts Tinder on “God mode”. Note the Game elements he uses: eliciting a girl’s values, intriguing a girl through storytelling, female preselection (“I’ll tell you mine that happened last night”), and a solid DQ (“it’s prob better than yours”).

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bernieciz, the reader who used a CH anti-flake technique to turn a cold lead hot, has a clarification regarding the post about his progress report.

@CH thanks for posting; the third screenshot was from a different girl (I actually made plans with the first girl once the second one cancelled so thanks again for the advice)

Thanks for clearing it up. I read that third screenshot as coming from the original flake. This makes more sense now. The first girl bernieciz used the “flaky mcflakester” line on was a GO. The third screenie was from a different girl, and the humor value in it is that this other girl used the exact same “I’m sick” flake excuse. It’s like girls have a lot more in common with each other than they do with men. Strange!

***

When a girl flakes, a reader recommends texting her a picture of a corn flake. Let her figure it out.

cornflake

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Flake No More

This is what happens when you take Chateau pickup advice to heart and apply it in the field.

Hey CH I was the one [bernieciz] who emailed you about the girls flaking with the “I’m sick excuse” so I tried out what you said and here is the result:

flakenomore

I called her and set up plans for tonight and eventually got a confirmation text this morning:

flakenomore2

Heh, received this message today and it put a smile on my face:

flakenomore3

I know what some of the less perceptive readers are thinking. “Where’s the successful close? She still flaked on him!”

Ah, not so fast, young pantywad. Context matters. You’ll note three developments that strongly suggest this second “sickness” text from the girl is not a flake (i.e., an excuse to bail). One, after the “flaky mcflakester” gibe, she promptly replied with a flurry of three texts. No girl does this for a man unless she has had her curiosity and interest (re)ignited.

Two, she initiated a confirmation text the next day. Again, a girl planning on flaking (a second time) would not do this.

Three, her second sickness excuse sounded sincere. She’s effusive with regret, and at least puts on a genuine show of intent to meet at some point in the near future. The fact appears to be that this girl is a flu magnet, and doesn’t want to meet while sniffles and coughing ruin her appearance.

My conclusion is that this girl is still down to meet, and I look forward to bernieciz giving us all an update soon.

PS If I were bernieciz, I wouldn’t bother replying to her last text. The balls are in her court now. No need to hammer out further mission directives. Alternately, bernieciz could tease her for her inability to stay healthy. “maybe laying off the hooch wd help you get better”. Or:

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Email #1: bernieciz wants to know about reversing last-minute date cancellations by flaky girls.

I’ve been getting a lot of pre-sex flakes lately and would be very greatful for some VIP Le Cheateau advice:

Her (Morning of the day we’re supposed to hang out): Hey I’m actually not feeling good today and I think I’m sick. Sorry!

I usually just delete her number but I was wondering if there was a solid reply to make the fire get started again. Are the best options still “right” “lol” or “gay”?

Many thanks

“gay”, et al are still very good responses. I don’t know if they can be classified the “best”, but they come close. The best response is the one that results in a bang, right?

The CH archives are filled with anti-flake tactics. (Hit the search box on the right. Punch in “flake”.) “Flakey McFlakester” is one that will always get a positive re-engagement from girls, as long as the girl has a minimal level of interest in you. There are tons of good anti-flake techniques here as well. Finally, don’t overlook Birthday Cat, the all-purpose cartoon projection of your ZFG alpha boner fides!

***

Email #2: Club Monster feels the first stirring of one-itis. Some would call it love.

I have the following situation: I am banging a girl (let her name be Hannah) I met in a club for about a month. She does not know where I live and we always meet at her place. She pays for food and condoms most of the time.

Amanda Carpenter to the courtesy phone…

She complained a few times that she fears I only pay her visits because her flat is located so conveniently, which I ignore. Anyway..

Yesterday I went sarging with a friend. At 11 pm I phoned her. She was at home with two female friends. So me and my friend paid her a visit. In the house (but other flat) there was also a party going on. So we all went there. I spoke to/gamed her female friends (with light kino) there for a few minutes, before me and my friend left for a club. Hannah denied me a goodbye kiss. I didn’t really have an idea why, and I didn’t want to ask in order to circumvent any argument, so I shrugged and shrugged it off.

At the club

The term of art is “at da club”.

I found a girl (we talked, danced, kissed) that I then took home to the flat of my friend. While in the club, I didn’t pay much attention to my surroundings, so it might be possible that she or any of the people from the previous party went there as well, saw me and the other girl and reported that back to Hannah. So today, without any further communication since the kiss denial, she deleted my phone number (I know that, because since this afternoon her Whatsapp-picture doesn’t show up anymore).

So far, I did not reach out to her and I will probably wait a few more days and for her to reinitiate contact. But I am suspicious that won’t happen.

I’ve read enough CH articles since I found your page 3 month ago to know that I should not act like it’s wrong to see more that one girl at the same time. By now this is also my honest opinion so I would not need to fake that. (“I am dating around until I find a girl that shows commitment.”, “We are not married”, etc.)

Do you have any suggestions on how to handle the situation?

PS: She is a psychologist and i.e. knows that touching is a component to build comfort with each other. And she knows that I know it.

Hannah wants something more than you’re willing to give her. She’s in relationship-hunting mode; you’re in da club kino-ing other girls. That’s why she denied you a goodbye kiss and deleted your number.

Your “dating around” isn’t the problem. Most girls expect men to date around at the beginning. It sounds like you don’t have any beta provider/vulnerability game. You didn’t make Hannah feel comfortable because you made yourself appear unattainable. Most girls can abide that for a few months, but not for much longer than that.

If you really like this girl, it’s advisable to skip a couple of nightclub trawls for a one-on-one evening with her.

***

Email #3: Cunt Wrekcer tries to swing the “customer-to-lover” transition with a stripper.

I’m in a new situation and I need a slice yours and the communal loaf. It’s all about picking up a girl who is located some 80 miles from me. It all start back in July when I met her at a strip club in a smaller city. Our vibe was struck right off the bat and after two visits, I got her number. I wasn’t able to proceed because the text she sent to my number never went through and I could not verify the messages delivery. This because my phone was at home and because my number was European based and I guess there were network issues.

So, for 6+ months, couldn’t do anything. The day after the second visit, I returned to Europe. Now, I am back State side and after a visit last week I got her number again. This time I got hers and all was verified as I drove back. She replied an hour later.

Since then, silent on both sides. I figure that is ok as I think too many messages too soon would all be in bad form. The questions are
– How to start the text game?
– How to broach the first message?

I go out there occasionally. It’s an all-nude club, so when the one in town doesn’t deliver I take a ride out there. Is it better to keep on with the occasional visits since I would rather start up a conversation?

If you’re thinking she’s in it for the dough (I question that myself) I have to wonder. On several instances, she turned down dance tips and every time I go (twice since my return), she and I hang out in the club, most often with her on my lap letting me feel her up and even tweak her nipples. On top of that, our last lap dance we ended up kissing. Although I initialed a kissed, she responded to it positively. Plus, the night ended with her number.

So, the primary question is is how not to fall into a beta orbit? How to lock in on these vibes?

Thoughts are appreciated.

Ah strippers. The toughest, and paradoxically the easiest, of pickups. Commenter James put it well,

PUAs talk a lot about stripper game because it’s so hard. A whiff of beta or the slightest bend to your frame, and you’re just a customer to her again.

They have so many interactions that they’re really calibrated.

Plus all game is just flipping the script on women, and stripper game is apex of flipping the script. She comes to you looking for money. You give her none, and fuck her. Using only words and actions. It’s beautiful, in its way.

The seminal CH post on strippers is this one.

Executive summary
– don’t be beta
– be an asshole
– defy all her expectations
– keep pre-sex communications short and sweet

That last rule means terse texts and getting to the point. Just tell her you’re taking her to [place X] and to wear something sexier than her usual outfits. Ideally, choose a venue that isn’t a seedy bar. She spends her life in bars and clubs, and a change of scenery would strongly imprint on her.

***

Email #4: Mr. Sadist seeks Ms. Masochist with a heart of gold.

Say a girl is deeply in love with an alpha ex-convict, to the point she’ll permit the most extreme sexual depravities to keep his love. Things as extreme as eating shit, forgiving him putting her in hospital etc. But she has a history of being a hardcore slut/prostitute.

What are the chances she won’t fuck any other dudes?

Higher than if she were somehow in a relationship with a law-abiding beta male, lower than the typical woman who doesn’t measure her love by trips to the hospital. I hope that clears things up.

You want a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets. What man doesn’t? But a woman’s sexual history is the best indicator of her future fidelity, and her deep abiding love only marginally alters that equation. If she has a slutty past, odds are she’ll have a slutty future… until The Wall stops her homentum dead in its tracks.

***

Email #5: #MAGA would like us to know it’s all pink on the inside.

First off, big fan of your blog! I have learned much useful insight from weekly readings here. You are like a modern prophet, showing the men of America how to avoid the abyss of the betas, showing the path to the land of freedom and quality pussy. You and your writings will have a more positive impact on people’s lives than any pied-piper’s speech that Hillary or Bernie could ever tell to their degenerate flocks. For the love of all things sacred and human, don’t stop showing the way back to the light.

I think we could beef up that intro a little.

I’m 24 year old white man, former college wrestler, hoping to eventually be a world-travelling, self-publishing author, like Roosh. I was put on aderall in 8th grade, and all through high school and most of college it prevented me from learning how to interact with girls in the alpha way; then, realizing that the fuckin’ shit was close to driving me insane from lack of sexual action (coupled with being on a teetotal southern Baptist college campus), I stopped taking it, and began to awaken the alpha instincts within. So, yes, i’m a late bloomer, and am still snapping myself out of the matrix that that damned pill had put me in. But I better stop with that background-explanation bit before I get too off-topic.

Dirty leetle secret: Most of the great womanizers you’ll know were late bloomers. Ted Cruz, for instance.

Now, here’s the reason I am writing this to you…

I was recently hired on to work at a call center as a phone rep. They’ve got me and other recent hires in a 3-month training class involving computer modules that is now approaching the completion of the first full month. As you can imagine, being a call center, there are a lot of black people who work there. That includes a number of cute looking early-20’s black girls, several of them in my training class. I’ve never dated black girls before, and I feel that being in a training class with several attractive black girls is a great way to build my basic seduction-related skills. I’ve figured “hey, an attractive girl’s snatch is still a snatch, be it on a black girl, a white girl, or a latina; no reason I cant get practice of an alpha’s seducing frame or getting bedroom experience with these girls.”

(And in case you’re wondering; I barely talk with the fat women there outside of a professional context; I rarely flirt with them or have a typical conversation going in a sexual direction with them. I mean, come on; it’d just be too cruel to let them think that they have a shot at getting with a rising white alpha male like me when there’s obviously more worthy targets for me at the locale.).

When at work, I have carried about myself there with a general air of being an alpha male who gets sex on the regular, which is something that I’d seen you recommend before on the blog here, and my verbal game has been pretty tight so far; I’ve maintained the unfazed higher-status position in almost all of my flirtings with these girls, and have flirted with these girls in front of each other, and I’ve seen the arousal in all their eyes when doing so; this has been largely helped by my constant reminder of the wisdom of “imagine yourself in bed with 3 women” advice you have.

Yeah, that’s a classic. Bump the imagined number up by one additional woman for each one-point increase in the SMV of your real world target.

But I haven’t gotten to bed any of the girls yet, mostly because they all have their own places located in ghettoesque parts of town (and I don’t want to drive to a neighborhood where my white skin would get peppered with bullets on site),

Your dick might get peppered with genital warts, too.

and, while I live relatively close to where we work, I am still living with my parents (to save up money & pay off as much of my college debt) who, to put it frankly, are of similar opinion as you are on blacks and have probably never had a black person set foot in their house.

That’s not my opinion. (Picking up whiff of troll here.)

So I’m in a bit of a quandary about the logistics of getting with these girls.

Any advice on how to exploit the environment with regards to improving my overall skills with seduction/game? I can already tell you now that the general black anti-GOP hivethink that I’ve seen in there isn’t going to stop me from covertly voting for Trump should he be GOP candidate in November, so i’m not worried about that. I’m just wondering if there’s any thing about this workplace “mudsharking for the sake of experience” that I may have overlooked, and if you have any particular advice for a rising white alpha male.

Sincerely,
M

#MAGA (Make All Girls Aroused)
#Trump2016

I can’t take your email seriously. It has a false note quality to it. But for the sake of appearances, my advice is simple: Cute girls, of whatever race, are fun to flirt with and whose company can be used to sharpen your skills. If you want to “ride the rainbow” so to speak, you should know the races of women have on the whole particular courtship preferences and flirting behaviors.

ps the term for white men hitting on black girls is “oil drilling”.

***

Email #6: A likely foreign reader learns that it’s not GAME ON until penis is in vagina.

I would like to hear your opinion about my situation, and maybe you can help other guys with a similar problem due your always good answer.

I meet this girl 3 months ago in a club, she was from the begining into me, i went for a kiss that night, but got a cheek, and she sayd im not that kind of girl. She gave me her number and begging me to contact her, she wanted to have my number to be sure that we see each other (i didnt give my number, because i wanted to have the control) i waited 3 days, and called her, she was so excited, asked 100 questions per minute.

Girls have always told me that my calling them instead of texting them was a big point in my favor. Meh, I prefer to think it was the ICBM in my pants. (InterCuntinental Boner Missile)

I didnt want to talk alot, i wanted to stay mysterious, and asked her for a date when she is free, she says we need to meet tomorow! So we meet.
She was totaly nervous, her hands were shaking, she was speaking all the time (i let her speak, and only asked questions). After that she wanted to show me her apartment, and introduce me to her roomates (on the first date), so we went there, talked alot (i didnt have the oportunity to do anything sexualy because the next room without door :D. Okay, since she was so into me, i knew thet we will meet in private fhew times for sure.

She texted me every second day, whats up, how are you. I responded as short as possible: im good. Her texts were short, but i keept mine shorter ;).

We meet fhew days later, and she wanted me to show my apartment i was thinking GAME ON, we were little DRUNK, i wanted to kiss her, and she was shocked, no she cant do this bla bla.. and then we started to make out, i acted like a man. I think from kissing, cuddling all the stuff we made that she is a virgin. She didnt do anything, she was scared to do something wrong, or she didnt knew what to do in this situation. She is a bad kisser (inexperiance). she stayed the night by my place.

Next morning i wanted to kiss her, but got a cheek, like a friend.

I never pursued her, i waited always for her to send a text, or call.

She called me that she is so excited, she wants to meet me, i think in my head, what the fuck.. she came in a bar, and i was totaly cold to me. And so she was every time after that. She wants to meet, but then shes coold. Im not responding every time, im going with her 1x, and 4x im canceling to stay aloof.

I like this girl, but how to handle her?

Im a flirt master, really good at that, but when im with her, she creates a situation that causes extrem discomfort. But when a roomate arrives, when she company, then she laugs, and is extremly flirtable..

Whats wrong with this structured, shy woman?

Congratulations, you’ve tangled with a cocktease. Not just any cocktease either; the most fearsome of cockteasers: the unintentional summoner of blue balls.

My take: You are overgaming, and she’s responding to that with an amped-up ASD (anti-slut defense). Yes, she likes you, but she is also afraid you are a player who will pump and dump her. She loves your attention (hence the deluge of calls and texts) but she doesn’t love the feeling of insecurity that overwhelms her when you and she are alone together.

She has a male analogue: the guy who’s charming and funny with a girl in mixed company, but suddenly gets penis-pretzled when his tension-relieving audience is gone and he faces the prospect of an open path to vagina.

You might be coming on too strong, Casanova. Here’s a couple things you can do to warm her up when it counts.
1.    Gently flirt with other women in her presence (this will supercharge her libido and potentially override her ASD)
2.    Slow down and PUSH HER AWAY from you. You’re too much PULL, not enough PUSH. By pushing away, I mean you say things like “whoa, I’d like to take this slow, I’m a romantic that way”. Essentially, you’ll be flipping the script and redirecting her greatest power against her.

***

Email #7: A reader who calls himself “Known here as Squibby” is baffled by a genuinely desirous woman.

New broad has me baffled. We’ve gone out three times and she’s making it fun and easy. She’s not dropping any shit tests, and the little quizzes she does serve up are soft balls. There has been nothing stronger than, “I can’t believe I’m doing this on our first date” (which I didn’t even respond to). She’s yet to flake, and she even sent confirmation texts letting me know she was on her way. WTF? I’m not used to this. I sense a disturbance in the force but I can’t identify it’s nature.

This isn’t a fatty or single mom tramp. She’s a thin cute blond nurse/PA (8ish) Frankly, I thought I was punching a little above my weight. I’m thinking 3 possibilities.

1. She’s conserving ammo. Brace myself for the mother of all shit tests which will be forthcoming.
2. I’m a jaded motherfucker. This actually happens.
3. It’s a regional/cultural thing. She’s from the south and redneck women are just more pleasant than Yankee bitches.

Any input is greatly appreciated. I want to keep fucking this one.

(1) Maybe, but most girls can’t conserve ammo much past the third date (female high time preference).
(2) A jaded PUA, Mystery, once called these kinds of women “fools’ mates”.
 That is, gimmes.
(3) True, to a point. Southron girls are easier up front, but Northron girls are easier on the back end (heh).

Input? Ok. Enjoy her company and stop over-analyzing her desire for signs of insincerity. Does a supremely confident gentleman question why women unhesitatingly adore him? Rhetorical.

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Email #1

Reader Salta experiences sky rockets in flight… posterior delight.

In other news…
My gf was blowing me and she playfully suggested sticking her finger up my asshole; I obviously refused. Is this a subtle, subconscious shit test checking for effeminateness?

Is your girlfriend Asian? Waifus for some reason love SURPRIZE BUTTPLAY. I don’t know if it’s because a lot of Asian women know that the prostate is an erogenous zone and capable of being stimulated during sex, or because Asian women eagerly take any opportunity to fly their kink flag and throw off the Chinese finger cuffs of the modest model minority.

Regardless, your gf’s peripatetic pointer is less a (literal) shit test of your effeminacy than it is a palimpsest of her twisted libido. It’s also quite possible that she discovered the “technique” watching porn or, less benignly, she picked it up from a former lover. Don’t overthink it. Just relax and let her introduce you the the homosex gateway plug.

***

Email #2

Lurking Gorilla suffers a penalty of boyfrienddom that bedevils many men. (What a wonderful time the pre-phone era must have been for men, who could simply walk out of the prairie home to get away from the snapper chatter.)

Can I get your advice on something, Heartiste? You are my single most trusted source of reality-based insight on distaff matters. How do you deal with a girlfriend who wants to yap your ear off on the phone every night?

She gets hurt, upset and pissy when she doesn’t get to talk to me for 20-30 minutes on the phone each day. I see her 3-4 times a week, and the other nights she wants to talk, talk, talk, talk, despite the various texts I send her throughout the day and the strong hints that I dislike long talks on the phone. This is the only thing that annoys me about her. She’s otherwise not needy at all. Maybe I need to just sack up and get over it?

I feel your pain. Understand that the phone is a girlfriend’s means of testing your commitment to the relationship, and this is more true now that actually talking on the phone has largely been replaced by texting and ichatting.

She wants reassurance that you’ve got both feet in, and your willingness to stay on the line for a half hour every day is solid proof her program to beta-tize you is yielding fruit.

Funny thing, most men don’t like talking on the phone with girls because 1. most girls are fairly boring (talk about stuff that doesn’t interest men) and 2. we like to gaze at the girl’s pretty face and arousing body as she speaks, which fortifies us for the boredom about to commence.

This is why the PHONE GAB SHIT TEST is such a powerful tool to reassure (or warn) women about their boyfriends’ inclination to commit. If a man can stand to gab with his girl on the phone for a half hour every day without the motivating pleasure of her physical form to fill him with saintly patience, then she knows he is BREAKING BETA and well on the way to forswearing all alternative pussy for hers alone.

(For many reasons, including this one, texting has been a dating market boon for men.)

Anyhow, you need to train her like you would train a youthfully rambunctious and disobedient dog who nonetheless loves you deeply. (Read the seminal post on this topic.) You have to start taking steps away from the daily phone gab. Not all at once, mind. That might scare her into crazygirl theatrics or worse. Pull back gradually. Don’t answer her call once or twice a week. Call her back either much later or the next day. At first, have a crib sheet of excuses handy to get off the phone; later, as she’s getting accustomed to your early exits, just announce you have to go and leave it at that, promptly hanging up before she has a chance to protest.

Stay true to the woman-training formula: Punish immediately, reward intermittently. As you guide her to your preferred female behavior, get in the habit of cutting her off every time she starts to ramble, and once in a while compliment her for her brevity of communication.

***

Email #3

A (non-technical) wounded warrior would like to know how best to frame his scar for maximum pussy-tingling impact.

I’ve got a question – I’ll donate $20 for your answer. I recently read your Wounded Warrior Post.

I’ve got a rather large scar on my stomach. I have it because I was born 89 days early, due to my intestines rupturing in the womb, though the doctors and my parents didn’t know at the time. My father made the decision to perform surgery on me as opposed to waiting it out seeing what happened.

They cut my mother open, took me out, cut me open, took some things out, put some things in, and sewed me back up. Because of the operation, I don’t have an inferior vena cava (but I have lots of smaller veins doing the same job).

Here’s a picture:

http://i.imgur.com/jwS9xj4.jpg?1

My question is – how would you tell the story of my scar?

Yeah, I’d forget about telling the real story. That will elicit sympathy moans from women, but not tingle moans.

Yet, you don’t want a backstory so outlandish that it conflicts with your personality. Plus, the bigger the lie and the more details you need command over, the harder it will be to keep the story straight in your head.

You need to maintain some time-appropriate distance between your injury and the present day. Don’t tell girls you got it last week. I’d probably try something like, “Skateboarding accident in high school, got it while showing off for a girl. Now I know better. I let girls show off for me.”

If you don’t want to lie, you can reframe the actual story into something less clinical. “I was a bad birth, caused my mother lots of pain as she says. I guess I haven’t changed all that much.”

I invite readers to suggest alternate stories.

***

Email #4

This reader is ready for a safari.

i was wondering, If a white man made a dating profile on blackpeoplemeet.com would women get offended or would they be like “oh this guy doesn’t give a shit about the rules, that’s alpha as fuck tingles tingles tingles.

what do you think?

Both. Taking offense and tingles are mutually inclusive. Naturally, a lot of the black women will think you’re trolling, so you’ll need to drop more “sincerity” game than you would normally use on white chicks. For example, “If I can’t put a beer on a girl’s ass when she’s standing up I don’t wanna know her.”

***

Email #5

H-man asks,

How do you deal with a woman that flirts with another man in your presence after you have entered comfort with her?

You aren’t in “comfort stage” if she’s flirting with another man.

I met this young girl – senior in college. I’m 26 and successful professional. I approached her and her friend early in the night and they joined me in a trivia team (it was trivia night at the bar, they didn’t know).

We had a great time and my girl started getting tipsy. The other friend left while I assured them both I’d take care of my girl. We spent time at the bar talking about all kinds of things. Her confusion with life and whatnot, she started tearing up a bit. I went in for the kiss and and she kissed but turned away but kept letting me reach her lips.

Sounds like you jumped into rapport too soon, before you had enough attraction. Did you qualify her, tease her, neg her, playfully push her away, flirt with other girls in her company?

When we transitioned to a different part of the bar she latched onto the first guy she saw. I’m way more attractive than him I know it was all from her making me jealous.

Well, maybe. It could also be that she found the other man more enticing and decided it was time to end the fun with you before your expectations got too high.

She started playing with his hair and he was surprised but just went with it. About 5 minutes of this nonsense I told I’m going home (I had mentioned it earlier, I was trying to pull her home). In her excitement playing with the other guy she said “okay go”. So I just left.

Wondering how to nip this type of behavior in the bud next time.

Ok, what we have here is one of two scenarios:

An immature attention whore who DOES like you and thinks that the way to arouse you to action is by making you jealous (women are dumb, #3,496 in a series) OR

A femme fatale who enjoyed your emotional tamponing and lustful stares but had no intention of following through with her putative end of the deal.

In future, you nip this behavior in the bud by avoiding premature capitulation to “talking about all kinds of things” with a girl before you have challenged her to prove her worth to you. Please consult the archives by doing a search for “game techniques”, “qualification”, “teasing”, and “push-pull”.

Also, don’t rely on drunkenness to gauge a girl’s attraction for you. Many girls will flirt ostentatiously when drunk, but will pull back when their flirting is reciprocated a little too strongly.

***

Email #6

Benson wants to know how best to trim some hedges.

I would like some feedback on this approach.

I picked my brother up from the rental car place today. There was a cute blonde girl working the desk, so I decided to try for a number. She reciprocated my teasing while she filled out some paperwork, even upping the ante a little, I’d say.

Did you lap her flirting up like a hungry chump, or did you push her off a little and accuse her of watching too many rom-coms? A lot of men think that any flirting from a girl is pretext to flirt back with a hundred time the firepower, but flirting is really about engaging and disengaging in a symphony of plausible deniability.

So after she finished helping my brother, I pulled out my phone and said,

“Put your number in there.”

Her: “Why?”

“So I can text and call you.”

Her: “I have a boyfriend.”

“I won’t tell him.”

I’m not a fan of this reply. It puts frontmost in her mind the illicit nature of her interaction with you, which will trigger her ASD (anti-slut defense). Should’ve tried this instead.

Her: “But I will, and he’ll get mad that I’m texting you, and I don’t want him to get mad at you because you’re nice.”

“Call it planning for the future,” I said as I set my phone down in front of her and pointed at the key pad.

She stared at my phone for a second, look up and said, “I can’t, but I appreciate it.”

It’s sound a little dry when I type it out, but the exchange was playful. She also said most guys wouldn’t ask for a number, and it was cool that I tried. But I didn’t hit the right buttons, so tell me what I could have done better.

There are a lot of “I have a boyfriend” neutralizers of varying effectiveness. In your case, Benson, it seems like there just wasn’t sufficient time for an attraction to develop from your back-and-forth (and were her coworkers or other customers within earshot?) and, most importantly, she really could have had a boyfriend whom she loved, and her resistance was genuine.

At least she was nice in her rejection, assuring you that your romantic interest really did liven her day. A nice girl with empathy? Yeah, the odds went up that she really has a boyfriend she doesn’t want to leave.

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Letter #1

Reader theasdgamer wonders about a strange female behavior in the social media wilds.

Facebook tactics question: Why would a girl delete you as a friend and immediately send a friend request?

Other than for some unfamiliar technical reason beyond my ken atm, a girl might pull this “rejection-reengage” stunt to jolt you into (re-)noticing her. Which you did. So, it worked. This could then mean she likes you, or she likes cockteasing you.

Or, she might do this to test the strength of your interest in her. As a FB friend, she sits there like a lump in your ascii universe, but as a “refriend request”, she can know (well, in her mind) by the rapidity of your acceptance if she’s foremost in your thoughts. Maybe she surmises this is a way to get you into a courtly conversation she’s too shy to start herself, unsolicited?

***

Letter #2

Jake asks,

Got a quick question.  I’ve been trying to get some insight on this idea but can’t find a straight answer.  I’ve been seeing this girl for about 3 months and want to make her addicted to me (it’s easier that way).  She’s out of town right now partying (basically) so when she comes back and expects sheer excitement for reuniting should I act mildly uninterested and maybe even tell her that I lost interest while she was away?  Or would it be better to communicate this non verbally and just with body language and distance rather?  Any help would be appreciated. Thanks a ton.

Don’t *tell* her you lost interest. In the realm of tenuous romance, asserting one thing is the same as admitting the opposite thing. She’ll see right through that.

First, a girlfriend who has been away for three months “partying” may as well be trespassed property. Unless you know for sure she’s head over heels for you, your working assumption should be that she got kinky with another lover during her straycation. Maybe not sex, but something illicit happened.

Did she contact you at all during that time away? If not, you may seriously want to consider silently demoting this girl from sole lover to spinning plate.

Under no circumstance should you let your butthurt light shine through. That means, in practice, continuing to act like a man who is confident his gf didn’t stray, loves him eternally, and couldn’t wait to get home to him. It also means, if you sense the pressing need to regain relationship hand, playing a little hard-to-commit. Acceptable ways to regain that hand:

– don’t be available when she gets home. let her stew alone for a short time wondering why you weren’t there for her, waiting with open arms.
– when you get to her place (or she to yours), grab her immediately and lift her to the bedroom for biblical knowing. if she resists in any way other than playful facetiousness, you have a strong clue she hoisted her furry furls onto foreign flagpole in her absence.
– tease her about having to fight off all the men while you weren’t watching. see if she gets nervous or squirrely.
– did she bring back a gift for you? be careful, this could be a trap. sometimes, girls buy gifts to alleviate their slut guilt.
– finally, give your relationship a breather. it’s been three months; you want her badly and she knows this. she’s in the driver’s seat. surprise her by acting noncommittal when she returns. don’t see her too soon, or too often, or for too long each time. make her work her way back to chasing you.

***

Letter #3

Adam writes,

I have the question for you.  If you can give me your wisdom I will donate 100 bucks to you.  Man’s honor an a writer myself.

Why?  Why can women not say what they logically want???? Why did freud have to ask the question after 30 years of research “what do women want?”.  Why can’t they just say it?  Why do we have to analyze this?  Can they not explain themselves?  Are they conscious that they do not share this?  Is there an article I haven’t seen on your site that explains this?

Phew, breathe slowly!

No need for an exegesis. Summary explanation for women’s romantic opacity: If she tells you exactly what she wants, she’ll never know for sure if you’re giving her what she wants because she asked for it or because you were emotionally and gonadally moved by the scrotal spirit to give it to her. And, not to miss a crucial component, she’ll never know if you’re the PRESELECTED, LOVED-BY-OTHER-HSMV-WOMEN savvy man who knows from experience just what women need to feel alive.

All this stuff is encoded at the gene level, btw, so don’t expect it to be apprehended much beyond the boundaries of the hindbrain.

***

Letter #4

Emailer HJ writes,

I’ve been following your advice and that of others in the sphere, but I’ve hit a problem which no-one seems to talk about too much, and which is really driving me crazy, namely, how do I get the girls to stop contacting me, messaging, texting, leaving voicemails, etc. They really demand an inordinate amount of attention, and it’s driving me insane.

Worthy humblebrag.

Endless nattering, and when you don’t reply, the hamster goes into overdrive and they start imagining all kinds of nonsense and telling you all about it. In a way I guess that’s good because it means that they’re chasing but jesusfuck – how to stop them being so needy and clingy and demanding of my most valuable resource – attention.

There are four ways to tackle this problem.

1. Establish your boundaries up front. If you let a girl know, in certain terms or by your unquestionable actions, that you aren’t in this for the long-term, you will reduce the likelihood of clinginess and attention-seeking behavior later on.

2. If it’s too late for (1), tease the girl about “being one of those stalker types, haha. i knew i should’ve trusted my gut about you”. Sometimes, a sly shaming will set a girl straight.

3. Give your girls more attention. I know, crazy talk, but if you’re serious about any of them, they will come to expect more from you than fly-by-night dickings.

4. Get better at screening girls for potential clinginess and attention-hogging. You need to know what to look for: Thousand cock stare, history of getting dumped by cads, child-like and superficial romanticism, middling beauty, prone to dramatic outbursts, talks a lot about her exes. You want to look for the type of girl who, in general, *can’t let go*… of anything.

***

Letter #5

Richard, who writes with a style that suggest Eastern Euro provenance, is in pain, and would like your palliative.

Hello Chateau Heartiste proprietors and avid readers,

I have a question and problem at the same time. How do you get overconfident without being fake to yourself?

There’s your first problem: You have the wrong frame of mind. You’re not “being fake to yourself”, you’re “allowing the best of yourself to come out and play”.

There’s the situation – i’m currently 22 y.o. student and only recently i’ve become aware of the red pill. Now when i think about high-school years i see myself more leaning to blue side than red but i didnt kneel before almighty pussy. Now getting to the root problem – how do i get out of my head?

Touch, taste, hear, and smell more things. Seriously. When you go out, allow your physical senses to roam your environment. This will help take some of the load off your mental circuitry.

If you’re familiar with “genius failure paradox” you should get the idea i’m talking about.

The perfect is the enemy of the poon.

In my blue days i thought myself as a way smarter person than other males. It was like double-edged sword – the more i got better grades the more i withdrew from society. I tried to rationalize myself by saying to myself that i’m beyond this mere alpha/beta/omega context but actually i was bitter of my own low SMV.

If you think you have low SMV, so will girls. Or, more precisely, if you constantly berate yourself for a self-perceived low SMV, don’t be surprised if it becomes self-fulfilling. This is a form of “faking underconfidence”, which is as detrimental to your romantic success as overconfidence is beneficial.

As years progressed i became more and more withdrawn into “abstract” realm – i started to question my own identity like – whenever at this moment i’m real myself or just a mix of character features from other people?

Reimagining yourself doesn’t make you unreal. It makes you imaginative. Which chicks dig.

As for now i feel i’m quite familiar with red pill content but there’s a part of inner beta which i’m unable to kill because i have zero experience with girls in real life.

22 years old and zero romantic experience? You have some catching up to do, but don’t worry, there’s still time. Just know that the longer you go without sex and love, the bitterer you are likely to become, and the harder it will get to overcome your pussy drought. I don’t mean to pressure you into spergy overreaction, but you should start making some moves to improve your social skills.

I can be smooth-talker on internet but it’s useless to do the same in real life. I’ve been losing my edginess with each progressing year from 5th or 6th grade and i’m unable to reconnect with inner masculinity. Help would be much appreciated but maybe it’s too late?

You recall being edgy in 5th grade? Weird.

It’s never too late to become more interesting to women, but it can be too late to enjoy their company with unbridled abandon. So, yes, time is of the essence.

What you ask is far too broad to cover adequately in one blog post, but here’s a tip that’ll get you started:

You have to talk to a girl. Don’t choose a hottie as your first subject. You’ll be too nervous and intimidated. Don’t choose a fugly either. You’ll be too resentful and bitter. Find a sweet spot.. some average looking girl at work or at a place where there’s lots of environmental stimulus to spur conversation (ever picked up a woman waiting in line for a roller coaster ride?). Get your feet wet, your wheels spinning, your testes descending, and, slowly but surely, you’ll climb outta your funk. With each step up from the abyss, successive attempts at romance, magically, will seem easier. Because girls will begin to make them easier for you.

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What does an uphill battle with a girl in chat look like? A reader who shall go by the initials “CM” writes,

Attached is my first contribution for your critique and the amusement of readers of the hallowed chambers of the Château.

Here in middle sized university city UK there aren’t too many 8+ around on your average night out. My current plates consist of an English 8 (29), Indian student 6.5 (21) and Polish nurse 7 (31). Swapping out the 6.5/7 for something hotter is a proving tricky since I don’t approach in sufficient numbers. Most of the 8+ are aged 18-24. I usually let them guess my age and then correct them at their guess plus 1 (recently ranging from 23-28) – I’m 34.

This conversation was after a 5 min chat outside a cocktail bar. I was acquainted with one of her friends that used to work somewhere I shopped. I didn’t have great confidence in a further meeting since the interaction was brief and wasn’t as sexually charged as I would have wanted to get. Fighting an uphill battle?

Feel free to publish the chat but please omit my name and her photo (a solid 8 I reckon).

The girl is attractive and slender. She would be a nice addition to the Chateau seraglio.

Here’s CM’s messaging exchange.

As you can see, her shit tests come charging right out of the gate (as is the automatic reflex of pretty girls).

who and huh? Haha

CM swats it away. I’ve read this text exchange a couple of times, and it’s interesting to me because there doesn’t appear to be a moment when CM blew it. There was no “bad game” that could be blamed for killing a promising vibe. He gets some decent teases in there, and doesn’t chase too hard.

If there were a couple of missteps that I had to call out, they would be:

you’re the nerdy little beautician right?

This is a passable neg, but I have a policy against total recall in chats. Very subtly, the act of remembering a drunk woman’s job when all you have in common with her is a short conversation is, to a woman’s mind, something of a beta tell. This is especially true for young, cute women who get a lot of attention from desperadoes. She will think (or her limbic node will think for her), “This guy must really like me if he remembered something about me I don’t even remember telling him.” If you have to ask, this isn’t a good emotion to evoke in a girl who hasn’t invested anything in you.

The other misstep:

Yeh im fussy too. U live close by in?

Dragging out the “full bod massage” script flipping was probably overkill at this point, but the question about where she lives was unnecessary and, since we’re talking about a girl CM hardly knows, a risky probe. Girls are very circumspect of men who ask what could be misconstrued as stalker questions. I would’ve just suggested a venue and then let her explain, if required, why that venue is too far for her.

Maybe the other thing CM should’ve done is offer a day for a date that was a little further into the future, instead of the next day.

None of these quibbles are of major concern. (TBH, I don’t get his last message. Was that a non sequitur text game attempt?) My take is that in the hour between him suggesting tomorrow for a date and her rejection, some old flame, or new guilt, reasserted himself or itself in her life. Her rejection — I work late and long days — is an obviously implausible blowoff (what, is she working 168 hour weeks?), but I don’t see it being a consequence of CM dropping the ball somewhere. It looks more like (my best guess) fate intervened against CM, or she is the kind of girl (beautician! hah) who really responds sexually to edgier jerkboys. If the latter, CM needed to communicate that better in his messages. As is, he’s operating in Jerkboy Lite mode, and that won’t cut it for the younger hotties.

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