Reader theasdgamer wonders about a strange female behavior in the social media wilds.
Facebook tactics question: Why would a girl delete you as a friend and immediately send a friend request?
Other than for some unfamiliar technical reason beyond my ken atm, a girl might pull this “rejection-reengage” stunt to jolt you into (re-)noticing her. Which you did. So, it worked. This could then mean she likes you, or she likes cockteasing you.
Or, she might do this to test the strength of your interest in her. As a FB friend, she sits there like a lump in your ascii universe, but as a “refriend request”, she can know (well, in her mind) by the rapidity of your acceptance if she’s foremost in your thoughts. Maybe she surmises this is a way to get you into a courtly conversation she’s too shy to start herself, unsolicited?
Got a quick question. I’ve been trying to get some insight on this idea but can’t find a straight answer. I’ve been seeing this girl for about 3 months and want to make her addicted to me (it’s easier that way). She’s out of town right now partying (basically) so when she comes back and expects sheer excitement for reuniting should I act mildly uninterested and maybe even tell her that I lost interest while she was away? Or would it be better to communicate this non verbally and just with body language and distance rather? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks a ton.
Don’t *tell* her you lost interest. In the realm of tenuous romance, asserting one thing is the same as admitting the opposite thing. She’ll see right through that.
First, a girlfriend who has been away for three months “partying” may as well be trespassed property. Unless you know for sure she’s head over heels for you, your working assumption should be that she got kinky with another lover during her straycation. Maybe not sex, but something illicit happened.
Did she contact you at all during that time away? If not, you may seriously want to consider silently demoting this girl from sole lover to spinning plate.
Under no circumstance should you let your butthurt light shine through. That means, in practice, continuing to act like a man who is confident his gf didn’t stray, loves him eternally, and couldn’t wait to get home to him. It also means, if you sense the pressing need to regain relationship hand, playing a little hard-to-commit. Acceptable ways to regain that hand:
– don’t be available when she gets home. let her stew alone for a short time wondering why you weren’t there for her, waiting with open arms.
– when you get to her place (or she to yours), grab her immediately and lift her to the bedroom for biblical knowing. if she resists in any way other than playful facetiousness, you have a strong clue she hoisted her furry furls onto foreign flagpole in her absence.
– tease her about having to fight off all the men while you weren’t watching. see if she gets nervous or squirrely.
– did she bring back a gift for you? be careful, this could be a trap. sometimes, girls buy gifts to alleviate their slut guilt.
– finally, give your relationship a breather. it’s been three months; you want her badly and she knows this. she’s in the driver’s seat. surprise her by acting noncommittal when she returns. don’t see her too soon, or too often, or for too long each time. make her work her way back to chasing you.
I have the question for you. If you can give me your wisdom I will donate 100 bucks to you. Man’s honor an a writer myself.
Why? Why can women not say what they logically want???? Why did freud have to ask the question after 30 years of research “what do women want?”. Why can’t they just say it? Why do we have to analyze this? Can they not explain themselves? Are they conscious that they do not share this? Is there an article I haven’t seen on your site that explains this?
Phew, breathe slowly!
No need for an exegesis. Summary explanation for women’s romantic opacity: If she tells you exactly what she wants, she’ll never know for sure if you’re giving her what she wants because she asked for it or because you were emotionally and gonadally moved by the scrotal spirit to give it to her. And, not to miss a crucial component, she’ll never know if you’re the PRESELECTED, LOVED-BY-OTHER-HSMV-WOMEN savvy man who knows from experience just what women need to feel alive.
All this stuff is encoded at the gene level, btw, so don’t expect it to be apprehended much beyond the boundaries of the hindbrain.
Emailer HJ writes,
I’ve been following your advice and that of others in the sphere, but I’ve hit a problem which no-one seems to talk about too much, and which is really driving me crazy, namely, how do I get the girls to stop contacting me, messaging, texting, leaving voicemails, etc. They really demand an inordinate amount of attention, and it’s driving me insane.
Endless nattering, and when you don’t reply, the hamster goes into overdrive and they start imagining all kinds of nonsense and telling you all about it. In a way I guess that’s good because it means that they’re chasing but jesusfuck – how to stop them being so needy and clingy and demanding of my most valuable resource – attention.
There are four ways to tackle this problem.
1. Establish your boundaries up front. If you let a girl know, in certain terms or by your unquestionable actions, that you aren’t in this for the long-term, you will reduce the likelihood of clinginess and attention-seeking behavior later on.
2. If it’s too late for (1), tease the girl about “being one of those stalker types, haha. i knew i should’ve trusted my gut about you”. Sometimes, a sly shaming will set a girl straight.
3. Give your girls more attention. I know, crazy talk, but if you’re serious about any of them, they will come to expect more from you than fly-by-night dickings.
4. Get better at screening girls for potential clinginess and attention-hogging. You need to know what to look for: Thousand cock stare, history of getting dumped by cads, child-like and superficial romanticism, middling beauty, prone to dramatic outbursts, talks a lot about her exes. You want to look for the type of girl who, in general, *can’t let go*… of anything.
Richard, who writes with a style that suggest Eastern Euro provenance, is in pain, and would like your palliative.
Hello Chateau Heartiste proprietors and avid readers,
I have a question and problem at the same time. How do you get overconfident without being fake to yourself?
There’s your first problem: You have the wrong frame of mind. You’re not “being fake to yourself”, you’re “allowing the best of yourself to come out and play”.
There’s the situation – i’m currently 22 y.o. student and only recently i’ve become aware of the red pill. Now when i think about high-school years i see myself more leaning to blue side than red but i didnt kneel before almighty pussy. Now getting to the root problem – how do i get out of my head?
Touch, taste, hear, and smell more things. Seriously. When you go out, allow your physical senses to roam your environment. This will help take some of the load off your mental circuitry.
If you’re familiar with “genius failure paradox” you should get the idea i’m talking about.
The perfect is the enemy of the poon.
In my blue days i thought myself as a way smarter person than other males. It was like double-edged sword – the more i got better grades the more i withdrew from society. I tried to rationalize myself by saying to myself that i’m beyond this mere alpha/beta/omega context but actually i was bitter of my own low SMV.
If you think you have low SMV, so will girls. Or, more precisely, if you constantly berate yourself for a self-perceived low SMV, don’t be surprised if it becomes self-fulfilling. This is a form of “faking underconfidence”, which is as detrimental to your romantic success as overconfidence is beneficial.
As years progressed i became more and more withdrawn into “abstract” realm – i started to question my own identity like – whenever at this moment i’m real myself or just a mix of character features from other people?
Reimagining yourself doesn’t make you unreal. It makes you imaginative. Which chicks dig.
As for now i feel i’m quite familiar with red pill content but there’s a part of inner beta which i’m unable to kill because i have zero experience with girls in real life.
22 years old and zero romantic experience? You have some catching up to do, but don’t worry, there’s still time. Just know that the longer you go without sex and love, the bitterer you are likely to become, and the harder it will get to overcome your pussy drought. I don’t mean to pressure you into spergy overreaction, but you should start making some moves to improve your social skills.
I can be smooth-talker on internet but it’s useless to do the same in real life. I’ve been losing my edginess with each progressing year from 5th or 6th grade and i’m unable to reconnect with inner masculinity. Help would be much appreciated but maybe it’s too late?
You recall being edgy in 5th grade? Weird.
It’s never too late to become more interesting to women, but it can be too late to enjoy their company with unbridled abandon. So, yes, time is of the essence.
What you ask is far too broad to cover adequately in one blog post, but here’s a tip that’ll get you started:
You have to talk to a girl. Don’t choose a hottie as your first subject. You’ll be too nervous and intimidated. Don’t choose a fugly either. You’ll be too resentful and bitter. Find a sweet spot.. some average looking girl at work or at a place where there’s lots of environmental stimulus to spur conversation (ever picked up a woman waiting in line for a roller coaster ride?). Get your feet wet, your wheels spinning, your testes descending, and, slowly but surely, you’ll climb outta your funk. With each step up from the abyss, successive attempts at romance, magically, will seem easier. Because girls will begin to make them easier for you.