Reader Mailbag: New Year Edition

A girl had emailed me asking if I still wanted an assistant to handle the incoming mail for the summer months when she would be in town. I told her yes, but the job was unpaid except for a beer I might buy her for all her hard work. I didn’t hear back. Do some people think this blog is a legitimate business operation?

Also, for those who have emailed asking for advice or the magnitude of my schlong, I’ll get to you. I have a long list of requests which will take some time to plow through, so be patient.

Email #1

I’m a fan of your blog, and I was wondering if you could spare some time to answer a few questions for me. Feel free to post any of this if you like (without my name please), since I’d be glad to hear from your readers as well.

I’m a 27 year old PhD candidate at a university in the Midwest, and I teach weekly biology tutorials groups of a few dozen students who are aged 19 to 24. One of these students is an absolutely gorgeous German, and she has been very friendly with me for the whole first semester.

I haven’t pursued her (yet) because the university frowns upon teaching assistants who are caught hitting on or dating their (current) students, so I was going to wait until my classes finish sometime in February. But she wrote me an email a few weeks ago (after our final tutorial for the first semester, and about 10 days before her midterm exam) saying something to the effect of “Hi, I’m studying for the midterm and I’m having trouble with topic X. can you help me out?”. Since I was away at the time, I responded about two days later by saying “Sure. What did you have in mind?”. She never responded to my email, and the midterm is now past. I wrote nothing to her other than that one message.

So my questions are: #1: Did I fuck up? What should I have written? #2: What should I say when I see her in January in my tutorials? Do I make fun of her for being too shy to write back to me (this is my impulse)? Or should I just ignore the whole thing? Something else?

And #3: Could you give some general advice about how I might go about approaching my female students? Bear in mind that (a) many of them are foreign (not sure if this matters), and (b) I will pay a very high cost if any of them go psycho on me and tell the university administrators a story about how I was sexually harassing them (whether true or not).

Thanks,

A.

Biology, eh? Girls love the life sciences. So hands on and humanistic. First off, as a teacher, you are in a position of power of the type that is particularly attractive to nubile students under your thrall. Leverage your power to the maximum and score some fine ass, or you will live to regret your inaction. When you are old, will it be more consoling to you as your life wanes feebly to its inconsequential end that you followed the rules and behaved ethically, or that you made love to beautiful young women that the average man can only dream of doing? In the classroom there is a Pavlovian relationship between the dinner bell of your high status and the salivating of the vaginas squirming in their seats. You may not get these opportunities outside school, so formulate a plan of action that includes both the seduction and a way to cover your tracks.

All right, on to the gist of your question. Usually, if a girl extends herself first, she is definitely interested in the bang. But in your case, the possibility exists she may have flirted to manipulate you for one-on-one tutoring or even grade fudging. Girls are very aware of their power at that age. Why didn’t she respond to your email? She may have gotten cold feet because she really does like you but knows it’s wrong. HA, I kill myself! I can count the number of women I’ve known in my life who gave two shits about ethics when their personal interests were on the line. A boyfriend could have re-entered her life. She might have thought you would read too much into her request and want sex when she didn’t. Or she was so in awe of your power that she felt unworthy of your company; it sounds strange to you, but girls really do react to male power like men react to female beauty — they get dizzy in the head and their self-doubts sabotage any chance at love. The fact that she’s German leads me to believe it was the latter; cultural differences in conjunction with the power dynamics may have caused her to flake. It’s hard to tell exactly what she’s thinking based on the details you gave without observing her body language around you.

I don’t see anything wrong with your email to her considering the circumstances. You kept it short and vague enough that the school couldn’t use it as evidence against you in the worst case scenario that she rats you out or the future affair gets discovered. Normally, asking a question is very beta, but you’ve got to be wary of what you archive in email. Had you had this discussion with her in person and out of earshot you should have given her a time and place to meet.

When you see her again in January it will be too late to make fun of her for not responding. Too much time will have passed. Any reference, however cocky, to some long ago email will strike her as the beta move of a man who remembered something written by an ostensibly lower value girl. I would treat her like any other female student — arrogantly and flirty.

Approaching female students is tricky. Foreign female students could be easier, as many foreign girls are more comfortable accepting male power as sexy and admirable; to them, sleeping with professors is the natural order of things. Throw out feelers asking them if the class has been a challenge. See if they’ll take the bait. You’ll need to run your game in places where there are few prying eyes. Only you know where these are. Mixed faculty/student bars? The Quad? Your office after hours? The bathroom on the floor no one uses? Don’t worry about meeting her in stealth. Girls get off on the thrill of pursuing forbidden flings.

Email #2

Here is an update from a reader whose email I included in a previous Reader Mailbag.

Hey, you wanted a three-month update, here it is:

-I bought MM, and read more Juggler.  I got blown out a ton of times–as I had said earlier, I’m not the most attractive guy–but I did go on a date (spent $1.50 for her coffee) and got laid twice.  She was a 5.5, which is good considering my history.

Reading your blog makes me hate public institutions and women.  I won’t go postal or anything like that, but I definitely won’t hesitate to discriminate against women and alpha males in the workplace when possible (in the subtlest possible manner).  So, let me ask you two questions, if you do choose to answer them in an e-mail or on your blog:

-I’m so naturally beta that I wonder how much I can transform myself.  How much will game do?  And how would you advise betas to get out of this pathetic mentality (held until one discovers and perfects game) that one is naturally a beta, that one is naturally small and worthless in this utterly realist world, and that one’s advances are “inappropriate” (whereas alpha males’ advances are appropriate or sanctioned).  You advised me against negative thinking last time…I’m trying man, I’m trying.

-Second, what would you advise us to do?  I think what you write makes me pick up on so much anti-beta sexism in media/institutions.  Is there any constructive advice you could give to all betas on your blog?  I say this because I could see many beta males potentially just getting pissed as hell at women in general.  And I don’t know if the masculine way of letting out this frustration–violence–is the best immediate way to solve this problem.  Even if society needs an angry/violent beta revolution, I don’t think that you want most of your immediate readers to act violently against women.

Best,

A.M.

$1.50 for a 5.5 notch is very good. You deserve to feel pride in your accomplishment. If you can keep up that level of noncommitment and cheapskatery while scoring ass, your confidence as a man will zoom. As for hating public institutions, I think this is inevitable as more and more betas wise up to the fact that the game is rigged against them from the start. Evo psych has buttressed a groundswell of understanding and resentment that will, I predict, rip apart the cooperativeness that has been a hallmark of the rise of the West as a world dominating culture. The flipside of commenter Whiskey’s accurate analysis — that the soft polygamy of the feminized West means less concern by beta males for the misfortunes of women and children — is that those beta males are also less likely to admire the alpha males and follow them into battle. Instead, they will learn from the alphas and adjust their behavior such that they are, in practice, continually usurping alpha power for a shot at all that free flowing pussy.

So go ahead and hate public institutions. After all, they hate you. But don’t let that carry over into hate for women. Do remind yourself that women, like men, are only acting in accordance with their animal desires. They are no more responsible for those evolved instincts than you are for wanting to eat when your stomach growls. Commenter Thursday wrote something along the lines: “Success with women makes you like them more but respect them less.” Refusing to cough up your respect for a woman who hasn’t earned it is not the same as hating her. So don’t let a reasonable and personally advantageous level of cynicism about women morph into hate, or your love life will suffer.

I’m so naturally beta that I wonder how much I can transform myself.  How much will game do?

Learning game will transform you. How much is a question of commitment, preexisting suite of alpha traits, and ability to withstand rejection. Some guys see their notch count triple (mine quadrupled). Others see a strengthening of their relationships. Still others see only marginal improvement. If you knew beforehand that spending a year learning game would net you just one girlfriend one point higher than the best girl you ever banged, would you commit yourself? What if all the effort amounted to no more than one extra one night stand? A lot of lesser betas and omegas who are cursed to realize very little improvement from learning game commit themselves to it despite the odds. Because men know there is nothing more hellish than to go your whole life never feeling the sex and love of a woman. Really, what’s the point of living? Love is life’s penultimate pleasure.

And how would you advise betas to get out of this pathetic mentality?

Your negative thinking is strong. It’s written all over your email. My advice is going to sound cheesy, but what I’ve been told works really well, when negative thoughts intrude, is to yell “STOP” out loud. You have to say it, not just think it. For whatever reason, this simple act “resets” your brain. Also, memorize a list of positive, complimentary words like “charming, confident, stylish, etc” and say them out loud to yourself: “I am one charming motherfucker”. Do it with a sly grin. Imagine you are James Bond and literally fool yourself into believing it. You’d be amazed how our thoughts reveal themselves in our body language. Chicks pick up on this shit.

that one is naturally small and worthless in this utterly realist world

Poon Commandment XI: Be irrationally self-confident. “Irrational self-confidence will get you more pussy than rational defeatism.” A balance must be struck: Accepting the ugly truths is necessary for game, but don’t wallow in what those truths have to say about you personally. What’s the point, really? Wallowing is feelgood pity whoring on the cheap. (See: DA) It doesn’t get you any closer to your goal.

Second, what would you advise us to do?  I think what you write makes me pick up on so much anti-beta sexism in media/institutions.  Is there any constructive advice you could give to all betas on your blog?

My advice to betas who have seen the light: The system is discredited. It is broken. You have only to see to it that your own interests are served. Turn off the TV, shut out the whitenoise of the greater culture yammering less than useless platitudes into your ear, and keep your true friends close. Dispense your loyalty sparingly. Think of yourself as a saboteur leveraging the zeitgeist for your benefit. Get into a fight once in a while; it’s good for your heart.

Email #3

From a woman:

First off, I just want to compliment you on your blog.  Your honesty about women, men and sex is a nice change from all that p.c. baloney about compromise, sex not being that important, etc.  You’re also an excellent writer.

Anyway, since you post about alpha, vs. beta vs omega men and women, I thought I’d get your advice on how to handle being hit on by an overly clingy, desperate omega man.

Last night at a singles dinner I saw this clingy omega guy, who I had met a while back, who was on me like static cling.

At our first meeting, the guy, who I’ll refer to a “O,” parked himself over at my table.  When I wanted to leave the dinner, O offered to walk me home through Central Park back to the Upper East Side.  I declined his offer, but he still insisted on walking me out of the building until I found a cab, which I didn’t want either. I mean, there’s no way I would walk through Central Park at night with some stranger.  What kind of idiot would expect a woman he just met to walk with him at night through Central Park?!?!?

Anyway, I saw him again last night.  This time he came to my table before dinner was served, quickly introduced himself, and then told me the people at his table were all cliquey, and that he couldn’t find any other table.  In order to be polite, and to distance myself from him, I tried introducing him to the other people at my table.

That was obviously a bad move on my part since O asked one of they guys at my table to switch seats so he could sit next to me.  The guy that switched with him later came over and apologized to me, since he could tell I didn’t like O.  It turns out he didn’t want to be rude to O either.

So to get right down to it, how would you brush off people you don’t like?  I’m basically a polite person. But on the other hand, I don’t want these putzy omegas all over me just because of it.

Thanks.

L.

Flattery will get you everywhere. So you have attracted your very own pet omega. Doesn’t quite boost the ego like attention from a worthier man, does it? If anything, it makes you feel worse. I know. When fat chicks hit on me, I wonder if I’m losing my edge that bottom dwelling dregs of womanhood feel they have a chance. Then I remember it’s all just part of the wonderful fabric of life, and I feel better.

Assuming your story is true and you aren’t twisting the facts to suit some anti-reader mailbag agenda, I guarantee men reading your email winced with disgust at this putrid display of betatude. The stink of the loser can clear a room from twelve parsecs. I have to wonder, though, if you led this guy on the first time you two met? Even if you didn’t consciously do so, some betas will see flirting in the most innocuous female gestures, as desperation and hope warps their ability to distinguish reality from fantasy.

Based on his aggressiveness pursing you and his public appearance (true omegas rarely attend social gatherings), I’d classify your admirer as a lesser beta with no game but a lot of blockheaded fortitude. These are the worst types, as they will make a nuisance of themselves until you impress upon them in the clearest possible way that they have no chance. Arrogant nerds and asperger cases fall under this classification, as do guys who have good careers but nothing else going for them.

What kind of idiot would expect a woman he just met to walk with him at night through Central Park?!?!?

Offering to walk women home when no attraction has been built is a classic needy “please love me” maneuver. Your dry pussy is stoking your contempt for this weak specimen of manhood. I hope he’s reading. Shock is often the only way to enlighten the blind beta.

In order to be polite, and to distance myself from him, I tried introducing him to the other people at my table.

I think this was a mistake. Why foist him onto your tablemates? That only gives him the excuse he needs to loiter with your group. Politeness only encourages the aggressive lesser betas. If there was an empty chair, you should have lied and said it was being saved for someone. The idea is to make him uncomfortable, not to introduce him to your friends.

That was obviously a bad move on my part since O asked one of they guys at my table to switch seats so he could sit next to me.

And there you go. I should really read ahead.

So to get right down to it, how would you brush off people you don’t like?

Forget politeness. Say “Oh, hi” and “that’s nice” while he’s blabbing and make it obvious with your body language and facial expression that you are about to rejoin a conversation with your friends. If he persists in making himself unwelcome, firmly say “well, I’m going to get back to my friends now. BYE.” and turn your head sharply away from him. Don’t wait for his response.

Another shrewd move is to have a strategy with one of your friends in case a clingy lesser beta intrudes on your fun. When he walks over and starts talking, your friend dials your cell phone. Look at the phone and say “Oh, wow, this is important. Sorry, I have to take it. See you.” Let the phone be your cockblock.

Or have your beefy male friend insert himself between you and him and pepper him with guy questions about his job. You’ll need to work out a nonverbal code beforehand which will summon him for help.

In worst case scenarios, scream “RAPE”. Or just tell him I’m your lover. That cows even the most stubborn suitors into submission. A man’s gotta know his limitations.

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Reader Mailbag

My Inbox is getting unmanageable. So if you don’t see your post in the Reader Mailbag, or I take too long replying to your emails, you’ll know why. I need an assistant. Anyone want to brave my excruciatingly tense interview process? You must be: Cute, hot, pretty. Female.

This week’s mailbag features guest contributions from Finefantastic and Damian.

Email #1

I’m writing you because I’ve very clearly done something wrong, and I think you’re probably the only one who can help- being a 3rd party. I’m a NAF that was engaged to a greater beta, we were together for 6 years and engaged for 1. Then he went to NY to intern for a big law firm for the summer and started talking about going out with a coworker all the time. I thought that was a little unusual but didn’t feel the least bit threatened, especially after I met her. The woman was/ is a warpig (AND a female attorney! the least sexy occupation, right??) He’s even acknowledged (after he dumped me for her) that her face is “not her best attribute”.

I’m pissed that he took up the prime years of my dating life (21-almost 27), and bewildered…it’s not like I don’t get hit on a lot, but losing to a warpig will mindfuck you. How could this happen?

Thanks,
A.

Damian:
Never Underestimate the Majestic Warpig!

In the animal kingdom, the wild boar is ungainly, ugly, smelly, and foul tempered. But this member of the pig family is no barnyard slouch! Clever, brave, armed with sharp tusks, and possessing a certain uncanny swagger, it’s no surprise that the boar became a symbol of nobility and charisma in Medieval Europe. Even today it adorns the crest of my favorite cold cuts…….Boarshead!

The lesson here is, you met this woman, and because of her warpig looks, you completely dismissed her as harmless and no threat to steal your man. But little did you know, she was using her other attributes to win him over, most definitely doing all kinds of perverted kinky things in bed, things that you……couldn’t even dream of, perhaps because you never had to, as you’re not a warpig?

Finefantastic:
Oh, warpigs. Maybe she had a heart of gold. Maybe not. Why waste more of “prime dating years” agonizing about a situation out of your control? Besides, a good mindfuck builds character. Spin this into a screenplay or interpretive dance.

Me:
NAF? Northeast Asian Female? Nascent Alpha Female? Nasty Ass Female? I suspect this email is a joke. It has hit on too many of my themes and attempted to subvert them. Devil’s handiwork! He probably hooked up with a 10 secretary and you’re just pissed. If your email is true, then all I can say is… you got beat by a warpig! That’s gotta hurt! Consolation prize: You get to experience the thrill of my attention.

Email #2

I need your advice. I follow your blog religiously, and I am grateful for the pragmatic advice you give. It works.

Recently, I have applied your advice to a girl that I work with. We are currently both attracted to each other (and have verbally confirmed that for each other). We spend time together after work going for dinner and hanging out. We flirt with each other all the time. She lets me grab her ass, hug her, etc. The problem is that she has been in a relationship for about 3 months. She tells me we are just really good friends who have to deal with the attraction that we have for each other, but the physical nature of our “friendship” tells me she is very temped. Obviously I want more. Also, I am currently in a relationship that has been going for 16 months, but is slowly dying. She is aware of this.

A few more details to clarify the problem:

– She use to be overweight, but is quite decent now. Also, she is very insecure, but is slowly making progress overcoming that.
– She seems to have some issues with her current boyfriend (they have been dating for about 3 months and currently moved in together). She has criticized him to me on a couple of occassions. I get the sense that her insecurities make her cling to this guy.
– We have talked about our attraction for each other on numerous occassions. We have both admited that it is difficult to be attracted to each other, and still try to maintain our “committed” relationships with our respective partners.
– When I back off, she encourages me to continue flirting with her, and becomes pouty if I don’t.

Anyway, give it your best shot. I appreciate your wisdom.

Feel free to post the problem and advice, but leave my name out of it.

Truly Grateful

Me:
Mistaken Assumption #1: Thinking that a girl “verbally confirming” her attraction means anything. It doesn’t. The only confirmation of a girl’s attraction for you that matters is your penis in her vagina. On the hierarchy of female attraction signals (IOIs), a verbal confirmation counts about as much as a girl saying “could you please pass the salt?”. Thrust your hand under her skirt. Is it warm? Then she’s attracted to you.

Mistaken Assumption #2: Thinking that a girl who has “issues” with her current boyfriend means that she is ready to dump him for you. Nope, it’s just the opposite. When a girl badmouths her BF it means she wants his cock more than ever. Jesus, dude, she moved in with the guy. That should be a clue.

As a former fatty, this chick is obviously exercising her newfound power and LORDING it over you. You are the classic chump. The tool. The AFC. The harmless practice beta she uses for the ego boost. Feeling like shit yet? Good. Now you may begin your journey to enlightenment.

Here is my advice: The next time she “verbally confirms” her attraction for you, or talks to you about her asshole BF, tell her you’re not her therapist. You’re too busy fucking your girlfriend up the ass to deal with her issues. THEN you may have a shot with her.

Email #3

I’m an attractive 27 year old white woman who lives in the DC metro area.  I’ve always been bicurious, but although I certainly find many white women pretty to look at I am rarely sexually attracted to them.  I am primarily attracted to feminine Latinas and Greek/Italian looking women like Monica Bellucci.  I’m not all THAT into chicks, so I’d have to be very attracted to a woman to “go there”, and all of the lesbian/bisexual women I’ve met are even somewhat feminine are white. I have yet to meet a non-butch Latina lesbian.  I’ve met sexy Latinas with whom I’ve had a little bit of flirty chemistry but they’ve never been willing to take it further.  The expats have been ice cold in this regard.  Is this a DC thing?

When I look into the eyes of nearly every white woman of Northern European lineage I’ve ever met I simply don’t see the deep, intrinsic womanliness that Latinas, Mediterrenean, and some Russian women {have].  Sorry ladies, but we all have our tastes.

Will I have to settle for some banal Pink lookalike?

DL

Finefantastic:
Deep intrinsic womanliness? That is hilarious. If you want to avoid the Pink and Eminem lookalikes, I’d suggest Craigslist. Or a prostitute that fits your bill. Or get the sexy Latinas drunk.

Me:
What the fuck am I supposed to know about lesbians? Most of them are repulsive lumpy potato sacks. Bicurious lipstick pseudo-lezzies are great, but their cultural elevation as a male fantasy figure is way out of proportion to their actual numbers in society. Out of 100 dykes, there might be one decent looking feminine girl.

And it’s time the Northern Euro chicks stopped getting pegged as sexually repressed, Puritan, shrews lacking in “womanliness”. The hottest fucks I’ve ever had were with Irish lasses. German frauleins are downright deviant in bed. Polish babes are amazingly romantic. Asian girls are gentle, loving, and obsessed with the anus… you get the picture.

Email #4

Here’s a topic you might want to offer for consideration: women and e-mailing. Every woman I know, and I know quite a few, seems to have a built-in resistance to e-mails.( At least, personal e-mails. I assume they look at and respond to job-related e-mails.) I’ll send them things I think they’ll find interesting, and invariably they say, “I just don’t have time to look at my e-mail.” Yet they always seem to find time for telephone conversations, often lengthy ones, and that would seem to take up much more time than it would to check and read one’s e-mail. I’d be curious to know if other guys have noticed this.

B.

Finefantastic:
I often delete things people email me that I “may find interesting”. Usually it’s some sob-story cash grab, a moronic chain letter or an arcane article about politics. I could care less. If it is in fact interesting, I will take care to read future emails from that person. Separate yourself from the chaff by using shocking and offensive subject lines. As for girls and the phone, we need all the time we can get to ruminate over profound topics (like guys and episodes of Intervention).

Me:
Your observation is absolutely correct. Girls do not answer emails, or they take forever to reply. Which is funny, because they check their email every fucking second, glued as they are by an electronic umbilical cord to their Blackberries and iPhones. Scientists are hard at work figuring out why this is so… and why girls imagine we aren’t on to them. Bottom line: Girls prefer talking on the phone because it’s easier that way for them to tease out any crippling beta flaws you might have. They suspect a guy who has spent a lot of time lovingly crafting an email is not showing her his spontaneous, out of the box, improvisational, real-time worth as a man.

Maxim #52: Girls need to test men for their grace under pressure.

Advice: Stop sending them “interesting” emails. Every time a guy tells me he does this, I know he’s actually sending “LAME” emails that bore the girl to tears. Please re-read the “Sixteen Commandments of Poon” and memorize Commandments V and VI. Stick to text and short phone calls.

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Reader Mailbag

It’s another installment of Reader Mailbag. The previous edition can be found here.

Email #1

Great series this week on the different chick types. You think you can give some ideas/advice on how to break through a DC-specific subset of women, namely, the cold hard preppie country club (real or wannabe) girls who hang at Smith Point, Town Hall, Paolo’s, etc? It seems that unless you’re in their social circle, there’s no way to blast through their bitch shields. I’ve got above-average game but I don’t look/dress like that crowd and I refuse to wear pink popped collared shirts and pants with lobsters on them to infiltrate. Many of these chicks are super hot though. How does a gamer bounce these young rich chicks in to bed, aside from talking/lying about your trust fund and house in the Hamptons?

L.

My first response: Why would you even want these types of girls? Then I remembered — to corrupt their blueblood souls. Carry on.

Every type of girl is in a “social circle” unless she’s so ugly or fat she is forced to strike out on her own. Girls come preprogrammed to seek the protection and support of the tribe, so their first instinct when dropped into a new city and out of their parents’ house is to build allies and draw social boundaries. As a regular guy, you’ll find it just as hard to blast through a hipster chick’s bitch shield as a Georgetown prep chick’s bitch shield. The details may change but the bitch remains the same.

You’ve got two options; either play the rebel outsider to the hilt, or assume the accoutrements and tastes of the social group you want to infiltrate. Since you loathe the latter, you have to connect without the crutch of preapproved social cues. If you can expertly lie, and you’re only interested in quickie flings, you could pull a Talented Mr. Ripley act and crash their scene like a nouveau rich unknown from lands afar. The brooding artist outsider who gets invited to all the swank gallery openings is also an effective fusillade aimed right at the pretentiously status-conscious soft underbelly of the WASP crowd. If you can’t lie like a champ, any efforts to go blingo-a-blingo with the upper classes will fail; there will always be some dude richer than your lies.

My advice is to laugh off the money talk. When she mentions her daddy’s yacht, tell her your rowboat has better fuel economy. Class and money honeys are constitutionally drawn to men who don’t play by their high society rules. As long as you steer clear of any hints of resentment or insecurity, and talk about your passions in a way that she can’t help but love, you’ll have success. Oh, and don’t rag on the popped collar douches too much around her. While you might think glib putdowns of her social scene would build a secret world with you and her, it just as likely could make her defensive. It’s a fine line between edgy and bitter.

Email #2

Although I think you occasionally overreach, you seem to be onto

something, so I thought I’d ask you about small-town girls.  I lived
in a big city for a long time (and got plenty of play) before moving
out to a town of less than 100,000 and missing more often than
hitting.  There is something different about small-town girls that I
can’t quite put my finger on.  Any leads?

R.

Leads? See here. In the small towns, your number of pump and dumps will fall, but your odds of finding a quality girl for a relationship will rise. It’s simple sexual economics. Hotter, ambitious chicks with high circulating levels of testosterone flock to the cities to pursue their dreams (AKA make enough money to buy haute couture sweaters for their small dogs) and meet a great man (AKA fuck the same three dudes every other girl in the city is fucking). The difference you are seeing is that small town girls from good backgrounds (i.e. not trailer trash) are more feminine, less slutty, more traditional, and less likely to cheat. The downsides are that more small town girls are fat and uber religious. The big upside? Chicks in the sticks have little firsthand experience with game. They will melt under your onslaught.

Email #3

I have a cousin who has absolutely no game. He is older then me, and when we were younger I always looked up to him because he is really funny and incredibly smart. Now that I have grown up, I envy his job and money, but the fact that he can’t pick chicks up is really bothering him. While I’m not like a super player, I have never had much trouble with girls. The problem is that he has the potential but just cant get out of his shell.

He is new to the area, having just moved back to up state NY, and I haven’t been able to successfully hook him up with any one. This how ever is making it increasingly hard to spend time with the girl I’m currently slamming.

I want to help him, But a wing man can only do so much. What do you recommend?

Any guidance would be appreciated. He is getting to that bitterness that just makes it hard to be around him.

Thanks for your time,

J. D.

You can lead a cock to pussy, but you can’t make it penetrate.

Btw, for all you “alpha is a leader of men, not a bedder of women” believers, read this man’s email closely. His cousin has a great job and lots of money and was always looked up to because he is “really funny and incredibly smart”. Those are alpha traits that other men admire, but because of his lackluster skills with women, the emailer is getting to the point that he doesn’t even want to go out with him anymore. This is because the one thing men admire MOST in other men is their expertise at meeting and fucking women. The evidence is in the envy.

J.D., I would suggest, if you can trust your cousin, having your girlfriend wing with him. This will do more for his ability to get conversations going with women than all the professional pickup wingmen in the world, thanks to the powerful force of preselection. If she agrees to do this, reward your girl with tenderly administered blasts of semen to her face. If she doesn’t agree, sign your cousin up for a bootcamp.

Email #4

So here’s the deal. I’m [name withheld] from your blog
(please withhold the e-mail address if you’re planning on publishing
this e-mail) and I need help with this chick from my college.

She digs my best friend, and I kinda dig her too, and she has this
crazy bet that if I can get my best friend to reciprocate her
feelings for him, she’ll have sex with me. She’s seriously willing to
live up to her end of the deal. The problem is that my best friend is
somewhat of an orthodox Muslim and I think his religion even forbids
him from kissing girls before marriage. Also, I don’t think he has
any sexual feelings for the girl, even though I’d peg her at at least
a legitimate 7 out of 10.

So, how can I get my friend to like the girl so I can collect
on the deal and have sex with her?

This is so fucked up I love it. So she’ll have sex with you if you can somehow convince your best friend to want to have sex with her? Better yet, you have to convince him to feel attracted to her if he doesn’t already? And do it all facing Mecca and under threat of decapitation by enraged family members? Inshallah!

I’m just going to pretend this isn’t a put-on, because it’s what the readership would want. Fact: If a guy isn’t physically attracted to a girl, there is NOTHING she OR you can do about it. But who cares about facts? We’re in it to win it! Tell your Muslim friend that 72 virgins in the afterlife, and $100 right now, await him if he goes on a date with this freak chick and acts like he likes her. Tell him there is a loophole in the Koran which permits fornication with dirty subhuman infidels for the purposes of spreading Muhammed’s seed of truth. Now all you have to ask yourself is if this chick’s booty is worth $100, a mountain of lies, and a possible fatwah against your heathen ass.

Email #5

Thanks for your blog, your posts have given me immeasurable insight. A question (which you may post on your website without my details), the answer for which will be timely for me in the coming weeks.

Could you please name 3-5 karaoke songs which a (lesser) alpha male would choose as a first time solo performance? Also 3-5 songs which to avoid at all costs. You can assume no singing talent at all and a complete newbie, but someone who has no problem with stepping into the limelight and enough confidence not to choke.

Thanks in advance,

T.

Karaoke songs a lesser alpha should sing: Metallica’s Master of Puppets, Tori Amos’ Little Earthquakes, Pet Shop Boys West End Girls. Good luck!

(I’ll let the commenters have at this one.)

Email #6

so.  i’m curious about something and hope your vitriolic, narcissistic self might have the answer…

why is it that guys like audibles?  not in the football sense, of course, but in the sexual sense?  in the ‘i want to hear you moan/tell me how big i am/how you feel/what you want/what a bad girl you are’ sense?

maybe i’m just a slut…  but i’ve heard this from enough guys (and girls who are less slutty than me) to know that something doesn’t jive with guys’ ‘oh, we’re visual creatures’ thing…

hugs and kisses,

K (aka dirty blonde)

ps – dirty blonde was used when i posted about hair (it’s my hair color).  but i liked the double entendre so it stuck.

“Vitriolic, narcissistic self”? You know the way to a man’s heart, K.

Audibles (and by this I do NOT mean play calling; leave that for the lawyer chicks) are like negs — best in small doses. A little moaning here, a little grunting there, and an occasional gasp when, for instance, my member is throbbing in front of your face making you go cross-eyed, goes a long way. There’s nothing more annoying than a chick who can’t shut the fuck up for a second during sex. Incessant moaning like a retard who got bopped on the head tells us guys that you are either being a phonyfuck who really isn’t into the sex all that much and who hopes making exaggerated love noises will convince you otherwise, or you have watched too much porn and think this is what we want to hear. Personally, I lose my hardon when the chick in the porno moans the whole time and I’m forced to turn down the volume on my speakers. It’s distracting from the main show: The splitting of her vulva.

fucks and jizzes,

R (aka the man who gave dirk diggler penis envy)

ps: you said “stuck”.

Email #7

Here’s my “anonymous” question for you.

I agree with the approaches on chicks. I’m gay, and the less interested I am in them, the more they wanna get it on. Even times I’ve told them “I like the ass”, the still don’t get it. Man, get a chick going, and she won’t fuck off.

Anyway, here’s my question. How do your maxims apply to gay dudes? I notice a lot of comments you’ve made that women date ugly dudes, but men RARELY ever want to date an ugly chick. So, do you think the same sort of thing applies to the ‘mo’s: if you’re a sad, chunky, beta male, you’re basically hosed as a homo? Because guys want hot, ass or poon – period?

I know you’re def. not gay, but you probably have some contacts in gayland who can expand a bit on the “maxims” and how they apply to us b-pirates. And, for god sakes, it might just be a fun experiment to expand into some diversity. I still have a cock that needs attention. I mean, why not?

Or maybe you’ll just tell me to blow off, since this is all about the poon. But come on, we all just wanna get it wet.

Man, I’m eager to hear!

JP.

Redirect to: David Alexander.

Gay men have the same sexual attraction mechanism as straight men, except that it is oriented to the same sex. This means gays value youth and beauty in other men. Old queens are indeed hosed. Luckily, with all their discretionary cash accumulated from not having to raise children, they can afford the services of young male prostitutes. I’d imagine ugly gay men have it worst of anyone. At least ugly straight men can bring other things to the table, like charm or social status, to attract girls. Viewed in this light, it makes perfect sense why gays spend an inordinate amount of time primping themselves and removing all body hair. Gays are basically women who don’t lie to themselves that it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

So hit the gym and the CL Casual Encounters, cream puff!

“And, for god sakes, it might just be a fun experiment to expand into some diversity. I still have a cock that needs attention. I mean, why not?”

You have me mistaken for someone who is French.

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A Reader Responds

In yesterday’s Reader Mailbag, I gave my unassailable advice to reader S. She has responded to it in the comments.

Hi, I’m S. herself.

You were wrong on this one.  Since I wrote you my (ill-advised?) request for help, K. and I are now dating, crazy about each other, and never been happier.  I was wrong about thinking he was self-destructive; as it turns out, some bad personal stuff happened to him last year that he never told me about, and he had every reason to be unhappy.  Now he’s much different.  Bright, kind, strong.  I never dreamed anything could be this good.

This site is a guilty pleasure for me, and occasionally hilarious, but you folks should know that sometimes real life is very different from this blog.

This blog is where girls go for thrill rides.

Actually, I was not wrong. I recommended you drop all your expectations and just fuck the guy and get it out of the way. You have started doing just that — dropped your expectations (“I was wrong about thinking he was self-destructive”) and smoothed the way for an eventual lay by making excuses for him and downplaying his flaws (“he had every reason to be unhappy”) and telling yourself there is a love connection (“I never dreamed anything could be this good.”) Yes, I’m sure he’s a changed man. He changed long time… in two weeks.

S. wrote me her request for help less than two weeks ago. It seems odd she could go from completely unsure of this guy K. to “dating, crazy about each other, and never been happier” in two weeks time. It sounds like K. said all the right things and cooed love whispers in her ear. His game must be tight. Respect.

But as we will see below, not tight enough to get the bang.

Thanks, commenters, for your advice.

Lemmonex: no, I’m not going to “just fuck him.” I’m too old-fashioned for that. Making out is pretty wonderful, on the other hand.

So you won’t put out but you’ll torture him with makeouts until his balls explode from pressure buildup. Yes, pretty wonderful for you, but for him… let’s just say only a guy with no options would put up with that frigid ice queen treatment for long. Give yourself a pat on the back… you’re dating a beta. Ironically, if you succeed in your mission to break his manly spirit and make him play by your rules, you’ll be more likely to lose interest in him.

as: He is a nice guy to whom I’m attracted, and if things work out I will introduce him to my parents.

Is your mom a MILF? If your niceguy “boyfriend” hasn’t been scrotally drained, you may want to hide her in the basement.

Piece and beaver grease.

ps: Keep us posted.

pps: (I try to help and this is the thanks I get. Do you people know how I bleed for you? Is it so hard to show even a tiny bit of gratitude? I suppose you want to see a grown man drown his sorrows in a vat of Ben&Jerrys Chunky Monkey. You’re all sick, sadistic bastards.)

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Reader Mailbag

As I’ve mentioned before, if you do not want your question made public on the blog, say so specifically in your email, and I’ll send my answer to you privately. Honor among players, and all that.

Email #1

I am a senior @ Princeton.  I read your sight daily and need your help.  I am ultra-beta…and can’t get any girls as a consequence (in college!).  Need tips on how to change…I’ve read all the literature, done most of the stuff.  I just need fundamentals on becoming beta (fuck, even my e-mail address is fucking beta).

I try to act like an asshole, but that just pisses girls off and they get aggressive or storm off.  I’ve read Cajun’s stuff, but all I can manage to generate is asking beta-casual questions or acting nonchalant (which gets me zero attention…I’m not that attractive, just 5’5”).

Any words of advice?  Anything?  I could really use help…I’ve read all your archived shit, read the comments on a regular basis.  I just need fundamentals.  Where the fuck do I start?

Thanks in advance (I hope)…

-[initials withheld]

Ah, Princeton. I spent quite a few weekend nights in that leafy town prowling for smart co-eds. Birthplace of Thomas Sweets ice cream. Sir, technically an “ultra beta” is a lesser beta. Please brush up on the terminology.

Let’s get the harshness out of the way first. If you can’t get laid in college, you are going to get laid even less after you graduate as a lesser beta. Why? Because it is ridiculously easy to get laid in college, if that’s all you want. Maybe WASPy Princeton girls are especially frigid, but regardless you should consider your failure to score as a college student an unused condom in the coalmine. Troubles lie ahead.

Your attitude is very negative in this post. You remind me of a lot of beta friends I’ve known — always beating themselves up, pinning everything that goes wrong on their own stupidity or cowardice, never seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Realism is an important first step to begin your self-improvement journey to respectable womanizer, but you need to leaven realism with optimism. Your inner game will shrivel if you’re negative all the time. “Fake it till you make it” isn’t just a slogan. It works.

I just need fundamentals on becoming beta (fuck, even my e-mail address is fucking beta).

Perfect example. I’m going to demonstrate how you should have written the above to train your mind to begin thinking like an alpha.

“I just need the fundamentals on becoming a James Bond-like pickup alpha machine the girls can’t keep their hands off of (fuck, i might even change my email address so girls get wet reading it).”

See, isn’t that better? Now don’t ever soil my inbox again with your puling betabitch self-pity whines. David Alexander has that territory covered.

I try to act like an asshole, but that just pisses girls off and they get aggressive or storm off.

I’m guessing you haven’t shed your beta body language, so when you act like a pure asshole you come off incongruent. Girls hate nothing more than incongruence, because it triggers their “false alpha flag” reflex. Here’s a handy asshole chart I’ve devised to help you understand the nuances of assholery:

Asshole + Alpha + Charm = get laid like gangbusters.
Asshole + Alpha = get laid regularly.
Asshole + Beta = get laid occasionally.
Asshole + Lesser Beta = don’t get laid but win moral victory in face of rejection.
Asshole + Omega = she gets her guy friends to beat you up.
Asshole + Lesser Omega = she gets her girl friends to beat you up.

So you can see the power of assholery is somewhat relative to the sexual market value of the man. I like that you are channeling your inner asshole, but you need to get a handle on your other game skills before you start spewing insults like a bum with Tourettes. Being an asshole works best when used as an adjunct to good game.

I’ve read Cajun’s stuff, but all I can manage to generate is asking beta-casual questions or acting nonchalant (which gets me zero attention…I’m not that attractive, just 5’5”).

Cajun is excellent. I don’t believe half of the stuff I hear about pickup artists, but from what I’ve read, seen, and been told Cajun has the goods. Stop asking casual questions. If you must ask questions, make them quirky. “Do you know where I can buy an eyepatch? I just found out my grandfather was a pirate and I want to keep up the family tradition.” You get the idea. Also, acting nonchalant does you no good if you’re invisible to her. And don’t worry about your looks or height so much. Despite what many men think and what some women say, looks are not that important once you have good game. You may not get the hottest chicks, but the skills you’ll learn will allow you to bang chicks one to three points higher than you on the looks scale, which I believe is every man’s birthright and, indeed, every man’s duty. And if your height is holding you back, there’s a simple solution: Hit on girls shorter than you. There are plenty of them.

I just need fundamentals.  Where the fuck do I start?

Start with these:

Mystery Method e-book (still the Bible as far as I’m concerned)
David DeAngelo’s cocky/funny series and interviews with the gurus
Pickup 101’s Fearless First Impressions, Attraction Secrets and Art of Rapport DVDs
Stephane Hemon’s Ideagasms Squirting (you’ll eventually need this) and GTP program
The Real Social Dynamics and Stylelife internet forums
Badboy ebook and DVDs
Carlos Xuma and Zan DVDs
Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion”
Robert Wright’s evospych book “The Moral Animal”
Matt Ridley’s evo book “The Red Queen”
Also, let me put in a plug for Roosh’s book Bang, which is an accessible compendium of solid game strategy.

Get out in the field while you are plowing through all that material. Don’t become a keyboard player. The first challenge you must overcome is building immunity to rejection. All else flows from that critical initial step. Immunity comes with repeated exposure. Memorize TWO solid openers, THREE negs (or pebbles, as Style calls them. I.e., “Wow, who brought their little sister to the bar?”), THREE ready-to-go lines for common shit tests you’ll get from women (“You have a BF? Great, so does my girlfriend.”), TWO value generating stories, TWO rapport building routines, and ONE venue change line (“I’m thirsty. Are you thirsty? Let’s go back to my place and sample some fine tap water.”)

I want a progress report in three months.

Email #2

Long time reader, etc, etc.

Here’s one for you; maybe even worthy of the mailbag.

I (28) just started working at a big law firm in NYC. As soon as I got there, I hit it off really well with one of the research assistants (26, carries conversations intelligently, a certain 7 and occasional 8 ) . We had a pretty flirty couple of weeks, but the firm has pretty strict rules against inter-office dating. However, she quit the firm during my second week to take a better job elsewhere, so I invited her out. One minor shit test easily passed, things are going really well, I poked the appropriate amount of fun at her flip flops, her eyes are twinkling … and I get a call that my uncle, who raised me since I was 6, has passed away. I didn’t collapse into a puddle of blubbering goo, but my eyes definitely got moist and I may have had a Michael Johnson style lone tear or two trace a path down my cheek.

She was very sympathetic when I told her the news and gave me a long, full-frontal hug before I broke it off, put a few bills down, told her that I wanted to be alone, and left. She sent me an email two days later to ask how I was doing.

Here’s the question. Normally, tearing up is anything but alpha behavior and simply ruins the prospects with the girl. Does this circumstance count as exceptional? It has been a week and I certainly would like to ask her out again, but I won’t bother if this is going to make her see me as overly sensitive and, well, a herb.

What do you think?

– P.

Lawyer chicks? Man blubbering? I have two things to say to you.

One.
Two.

Ok, three.

Seriously, though, this can only work in your favor. Stop overthinking. Unless the chick is a hardcore ballbusting nutneutering scrotesmashing alpha lawyer-wannabe bitchbot, your show of emotion under the circumstances was a turn-on for her. The only thing herby about you is worrying what she thinks of you.

Sometimes I get the feeling you guys already know the answers to your questions, but just like to write it out and email a complete stranger for a sympathy hug and three pats on the back. Paging Lemmonex…

Email #3

I need some advice.  I’m probably a pretty unorthodox visitor to your blog, so this is probably an unusual question for you, but I would like your perspective.

I’m a 20-year-old girl in college.  I’ve been badly in love with a close friend K. (my age) for two years.  From time to time I’ve sort of managed to talk myself out of it, but then there I am again, alone in the evening and missing him desperately, or waiting for him to come over and then falling all over myself to carry his suitcases and fix his tea.

He hasn’t been interested. Or rather, he’s been interested in a way (we kissed twice, and once he wanted to hook up) but not interested in a relationship.  That was all right; we stayed friends.  But now he calls me all the time, and I find myself dropping everything to see him, and this is trouble.

A little bit about me: I never got any attention from guys as a teenager (I’m nice-looking enough, but I was always too shy and serious) so this is a new, strange world for me.  Suddenly I get asked out with some frequency.  And now I’m trying to get into some fiendishly competitive grad schools (math and economics) so I’m going to have very little free time.

The trouble with K. is that he’s kind of messed up – he had to leave school for a semester due to depression – and sometimes he doesn’t seem to be serious about his own future.  I know this makes me sound like a terrible person, but I’d be embarrassed to tell my friends and family about him.  I need some kind of nice, clean-cut, ambitious guy who takes me out on standard dates.  And yet I’m attracted to K., my dear friend, who’s nerdy and messy and constantly shooting himself in the foot.  Even nice girls get horny sometimes, and I have spent years restraining myself from what I’d like to do with him.

What do I do?  Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,

S.

First, send me a jpeg, full body shot, high resolution, naked or in lacey lingerie. I’ll need this to thoroughly evaluate your, uh, character traits.

This email was sent via a Princeton edu address. What’s up with Princeton? It sounds like students from there have forgotten how the penis and vagina fit together. It’s supposed to be a school for smarties. Maybe that’s the problem.

You mentioned two things that jumped out at me. One, you haven’t had sex with him yet, and you rebuffed him the one time he tried to hook up with you. Two, you’re “nice-looking enough”, which, translated into manspeak, means you are probably a 6. Coupled with your major in math and economics, your score could even be as low as a 5. So I will now give you a rare glimpse into his mind, the mind of a man:

“She’s not putting out and she’s not hot enough for me to make any effort.”

Hold my hand, child, it gets worse.

So why is he calling you now so frequently? Ah, good question. Most of the time, when a man re-engages a woman he used to be lukewarm about, it means he is horny and lonely. Your mediocre vagina now seems a better choice than his calloused hand. Maybe he tried picking up a hotter chick and failed, so running back to you looked like a good option. You certainly have made yourself accessible to him, so there’s no real challenge for him to earn your emotional support.

Or maybe he had a revelation that he has always been in love with you and it was time to show it…….. NOT.

It is obvious to me that you like badboys. You write that K. is “nerdy and messy and constantly shooting himself in the foot” and that you have tried to talk yourself into being attracted to clean-cut nice Abercrombie boys. But those boys don’t excite you like the way K. does. K. refuses to conform. He is a rebel, a social renegade, a self-destructive energy vampire who plays by his own rules, and that autonomically moistens your muff.

Here is my advice. Stop trying to fight it. Fuck him, get it out of the way, then move on, because fucking him will not cause him to love you forever and ever. I know these types of guys. Hell, I once dabbled with playing this type of guy. They live to validate their self-esteem through others, that is why they are energy vampires turning the self-pity trick. It’s him against the world, right? And you want to save him, to join him on his path to redemption. Am I correct?

Yes, yes I am.

He thrills you because, deep down, you know your “relationship” with him is doomed. Your need for drama is perfectly complementary to his need for validation. You have to clear your mind, S., and drop the savior act. Know that nothing permanent can come of your time with him, and in that knowledge you will finally free yourself to love him with everything you have, and to savor the moments you share, without the burden of expectation.

Make love when you can, because it is good.

Yours in the Light of Lucifer.

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Reader Mailbag

This is the second installment of reader mailbag. If you do not want your question made public on the blog, say so specifically in your email, and I’ll keep my answer to you private.

Email #1

Hey there!

I need some advice, care to help a gal from Canada?

I met this guy about 6 months ago. We get along great! We have so much fun together, we laugh so much when we’re together so overall it’s been really amazing (the sexual chemistry is amazing too). The problem: I want more and he won’t give me more!! He makes up random excuses whenever I tell him I want more. It’s so frustrating! I came to the point where I told him that we shouldn’t talk/hang out anymore. He agreed but then called me cuz he missed me and said, “why can’t we continue hanging out, we have so much fun together”. He also dates other women…and then tells me about it, which makes me so sad and mad at the same time. I just don’t get it…I’m such an amazing catch!! I’m super cute, independent, fun, funny, easy going (unless I want a committment-haha!), not materialistic, caring, accommodating (esp. in the bedroom, his needs are always met), and a whole bunch of other wonderful stuff! It just blows my mind that he wouldn’t want more. It’s frustrating. So, I told him I was going to date other men (he told me that was a good idea), which I am doing but I’m in love with him, it’s so frustrating because all I want to do is make him happy and take care of him the best that I know how and he’s not interested. do you think i’m crazy? I know i deserved to be with someone who appreciates me and doesn’t take me for granted and it’s not hard for me to meet other men, but the problem is…I want HIM!

He told me that he has issues with trust. But I’m like the most trustworthy person out there…do u think he’s just playing games with me?

Any advice?

PD

You’ve come to the right plane of hell, my child. Let me get this out of the way, like a quick pull of the Brazilian wax strip. Whenever it’s the guy making excuses to avoid sex one of three things is going on.

1. He’s impotent or has a low libido.
2. He’s found someone else and his balls are too drained to give you the rogering you deserve.
3. He has stopped finding you attractive and has substituted porn for your warm hole.

Judging by your writing style I’d guess you are very young, so the odds of your boyfriend having a low libido are slim. Even if he’s much older than you, your hot young bod will spring him to action in a way that an older woman could not.

It sounds more like a combination of 2 and 3. He’s already told you point blank that he dates around, and yet you act as if this is no big deal and shouldn’t affect your relationship with him or his desire to have sex with you on demand. Are you looking to be in his harem’s first or second tier? You’re blinded by your bruised ego and have stopped seeing the forest for the trees. I’ll spell it out for you:

You’re not his number one girl.
You are one of many pussies he is banging.
He no longer feels the need to do anything for you because you slop up his runny shit and beg for more.
You are his safety school. Second fiddle. Back of the line. Slow dial booty call. Fleshlight.

I say this out of love.

“He also dates other women…and then tells me about it, which makes me so sad and mad at the same time.”

…and horny. Admit it.

Note to the men reading: This is how you manage multiple long term relationships. Just tell your girl about every date you go on, then sit back and enjoy the fruits of your pimpdom.

“I just don’t get it…I’m such an amazing catch!!”

Another Stuart Smalley acolyte heard from.

“I’m super cute, independent, fun, funny, easy going (unless I want a committment-haha!), not materialistic, caring, accommodating (esp. in the bedroom, his needs are always met), and a whole bunch of other wonderful stuff!”

Why don’t you just lick the sweat off his moist hairy balls? You believe your value is lower than his and so you try to please him without asking for anything in return but more enthusiasm for fucking you. This type of dynamic makes for the strongest relationships because women want to be the ones working for approval, but there must be some balance in the dominance-submission force. The more you make yourself his lackey the less he will think you are worthy of his gratitude. Play a little hard to get if you feel you are not getting want you want from him. If that doesn’t work then you have no choice but to ovary up and end it.

“So, I told him I was going to date other men (he told me that was a good idea),”

First, your posturing was passive-aggressive. Pouting and telling him you are going to date other men is an admission of defeat. He knows you are lashing out at him in pain, and this will only strengthen his power over you, which you can see it has by his cheeky nonchalant reply. Your better move would have been to tell him you love him, but want to spend some time apart from him to think things through. Then cut off all contact. If he calls you, you’ll now be in a position to dictate better terms for yourself.

“it’s so frustrating because all I want to do is make him happy and take care of him the best that I know how and he’s not interested.”

And that is why you want to service him like a cheap Belarusian whore. Your female reptilian hindbrain is tricking you. You don’t want to make him happy, you want to make yourself happy through him. But relying on others for your happiness is a surefire way to remain unhappy. Newsflash: He will never be interested.

“He told me that he has issues with trust.”

Of course he does. Because he knows what it’s like to break it. The world is our mirror.

“do u think he’s just playing games with me?”

It’s worse than that. This relationship was dead the second he gave you carte blanche to date other men. You are officially his downtime sperm receptacle. Time to hit the field. Go Flirt With Ten Other Guys (GFWTOG). Wear something sexy and head to the nearest bus depot immediately.

Email #2

Hey, got a little situation and wanted to solicit your insight once more (yup, you’ve gone from blogger to counselor).  To keep it short, I’m in grad school with this girl that I used to think was a complete bitch.  She seemed a little too opinionated, took herself too seriously, etc.   Somehow, though, we’ve recently become kind of cool and I’m kinda diggin her.  She’s about a year older than I but acts a little older.  Anyway, we’re kind of at that crucial tipping point where things could go either way and I wanted your thoughts on how best to avoid getting trapped in the friendship box.   Whatever you’ve got to offer would be most appreciated.

M.

Grad school girls are almost uberbitches to a woman. Think about what kind of girl decides to pursue postgraduate education. Hint: It’s not the most feminine type. So if you’re going to move on this girl, you’ll need to attack her with very strong masculine energy. “We’ve recently become kind of cool” is not gonna cut it, romcom therapyboy. Farting around like a junior high A/V club nerdling waiting for that perfect moment when the planets align and the moon reflects off her eyes like a big pizza pie to bust a move is asking for failure. Young MC wept.

Also, don’t lie to yourself. You didn’t kinda start “diggin her” after you got to know her. You were diggin her the moment you laid eyes on her cute face, tight rump, and pert tits. Your initial assessment of her as a “complete bitch” is a common defensive maneuver among the invertebratia to shield the ego from outright rejection. Every hot girl is a complete bitch to every guy she meets unless she likes him. It’s how they keep the hordes of betas at bay. You want super duper friendly? Hang out with fat chicks.

“Anyway, we’re kind of at that crucial tipping point where things could go either way and I wanted your thoughts on how best to avoid getting trapped in the friendship box.”

Tipping point? Did you pull out a protractor and measure the angle of her emotions? Come on, man, rule #1: Chicks know within MINUTES of meeting you whether you are mating material. From that point it’s your job to not fuck it up.

I’ve got good news and bad news.

Bad news: You’ve already been LJBF’ed.
Good news: Now you know.

The only way to reverse an LJBF (and it’s not easy) is complete removal of yourself from her life for a few weeks, followed by a major pickup offensive… guns blazing, tanks rolling, hands groping, game spitting. You’ve gotta make yourself less available, make her miss you. Then, when your disappearing act has rewired her brain just enough to flip the switch in a new direction, you have her meet you at your favorite bar while you’re flirting with another girl. It’s important that she sees you enjoying the company of other women.

Then, game her like you just approached her. Trust me, she’ll be pissed and confused when the new, ballsy you pulls the friendship rug out from under her. You’ve got no choice if you want to succeed in changing her opinion of you from friend to potential lover. Callous disregard for her expectations is essential. There’s a good chance you’ll lose her entirely, but that shouldn’t matter to you. It’s really win-win. Either you bed her, or you salvage your dignity.

And for fuck’s sake, don’t talk about grad school. That’ll just remind her of the old neutered you. If she brings it up, tell her you’re not interested and you’re here to have fun.

Email #3

You have a very interesting and entertaining blog, which I just recently discovered.

Question:  I am sure you have mentioned this before, but wouldn’t people who read your blog with any degree of regularity be considered “betas”?  People who take vicarious pleasure in the exploits of an alpha male sexual predator, hero, whatever?  Why would an alpha bother to read your blog?

J.S.

Are people who read stock tip blogs poor? Some are, some aren’t. Everyone wants an edge, so some are betas looking for their first love, some are alphas looking to run the table. If I had to put percentages on my readership, I’d guess 60% were classic beta males, 20% alpha males, 15% chicks who dig me for my devilish charm, and 5% dizzy clones. Oh, and Tyler Cowen reads regularly (Hi Mrs. Cowen!).

PS: Vicarious pleasure-taking is weak sauce. Any girls who want to take pleasure in my exploits directly can reach me at:

The Abyss
666 Dante Blvd.
Circle 2
8675309

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