Archive for the ‘Reader Mailbag’ Category

Email #1

Southern Man writes,

Sunshine Mary is reviewing a book in which the authors (both women) propose that the five core needs of a woman are:

to be cherished by a man
to be protected by a strong man
to rescue a man
to be sexually alive
to escape reality

We are of course skeptical of any advice for women written by women but this list doesn’t look too bad. How would it fare under the harsh light of the Chateau dungeon?

Heaven forfend, the Chateau is not a dungeon good sire! It is a temple. With a dungeon.

It’s natural and justifiable to be suspicious of romantic advice from women. As CH has explained at length before, the predominantly visual component of women’s attractiveness precludes them from having to grasp too much bowel-shaking reality. Men, however, can’t just apply makeup and slip into a slinky dress to get scads of attention from the opposite sex; men must learn what makes women (and competitor men) tick if they want a decent shot at sex and love.

Nevertheless, there are those rare fair flowerings of insight from the passive sex. The list above compiled by “Sunshine Mary” distinguishes itself by avoiding the flagrantly shallow and self-serving pretty lies that are the stock in trade of most of her sistren. But like most female advice, a heaping helping of contextual hedging is necessary to make any use of it.

Yes, women want to be cherished by a man… an alpha man. And they don’t want to be cherished too soon, too often, or too egregiously.

Yes, women want to be protected by a strong man… who makes them wet. And they want that protection in small doses, before it lurches into possessiveness.

Yes, women want to rescue a man… from his own jerkboy sexiness.

Yes, women want to be sexually alive… but that’s a symptom, not a cause, of the kinds of men to whom they freely give their love.

Yes, women want to escape reality… no qualification needed.

My advice… take women’s sex and romance advice with a flat of salt. Even the well-meaning ones.


Email #2

A reader channels Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds,

40$ up for grabs in case I find your advice good enough.

Disqualification noted.

I’m 25 years old and I’ve only recently discovered game, but already found a wide range of instances where even just a little game makes a huge freaking difference. I’m still new and grasping basics, but the sex life with the wife has improved significantly. Yes, I have a wife and child already. Trying to get the nuclear family thing going to keep western civilization outside of America running (you’re all fucked already).

Anyway, long story short, I have to get a job as a temp at a junior high-school to support my family. No other options available. The school isn’t one of the worst, around 75/25 white/other. I want to be prepared for troublemakers however, so I read some about AMOG’ing, but all examples are in bars (naturally).

Chateau, how to deal with annoying brats, trying to take a swing on the alphatemp? Examples highly appreciated.

A physical swing? From 13 year olds? Sounds like juvie instead of junior high.

This is perhaps beyond even the cosmic ken of the all-seeing id of CH, but one thing I can pass along is what I remember my alpha teachers behaving like when they had to deal with a class badass (*innocent look*). One such teacher used to feign obliviousness to the distracting student’s antics as he strolled along the aisles formed by our chairs, and then in a swift movement and without warning would send his pointer stick crashing down on the offending rapscallion’s desktop with an eardrum-breaking crash, saying not a word in the aftermath but what was spoken by his glaring eyes. That usually did the trick.

If you prefer the subtler approach, try dunce caps (a comic trope that needs renewed life), making the loser “L” sign on your forehead, quoting an updated Dean Wormer’s classic “fat, dorky, and stupid is no way to go through life son”, or pimp slapping. CH takes no responsibility for any helicopter parent’s wrath which may be incurred by pursuing the above tactics.


Email #3

A refreshingly self-aware reader would like some tips on how to improve his anti-flake artillery. His Tinder/text replies are on the right (if it wasn’t obvious).

Passing along a tinder/text convo that ended in a flake. Fully aware that she never hooked very hard, if at all. But she gave a lot of shit tests which you might find interesting

Anyway the convo is for your amusement. For me, I am wondering if you have any tips for me as a 27 yr old w/ girls who are under 21 (can’t take to bars). Thanks and please dont use my name/email in anything.

reel… reel… reel….

damn! an old shoe!

My first take: You didn’t answer her shit tests hard enough. You were too forgiving. You started tossing in “fun” routines before you had energized her curiosity. That’s why your routines and leading questions fell like a led zeppelin. Also, you qualified her to soon. “You seem cool” should only be reserved for girls who have shown real effort to seem cool to you. But I think you know all this.

By the way, girls sometimes unintentionally drop clues that they’re liable to flake. “We’ll see if it works out” is one such pre-flake clue. The tiny clause “we’ll see” is one of the worst things you as a man will hear from a woman. She’s so noncommittal she can hardly contain her ennui.

To answer your question, think about what excites under-21 girls. What excites them is what over-21 men do that men their own age don’t or can’t do. Backstage passes. Shows. Artsy house parties. Introductions to movers and shakers. Cultural or urban nooks and crannies to which only older men can give her access. Yes, bars too. Ice cream? No. That’s a date you have with a girl you’ve been fucking for a long time.

I don’t think the problem is your uninspired venue-choosing algorithm. She’d have been happy to go to a bar with you if she was sufficiently intrigued by your company. Never blame a flake on a logistical imperfection that could just as readily be blamed on a dearth of excitement. If a girl desperately wants to meet you, a crusty public bathroom can suffice.


Email #4

A reader broods,

I have a question re: men’s looks. I know this isn’t as important as things like social proof and attitude but the thing is, where I’m not considered ugly, I’m also not very masculine-looking; I have quite feminine facial features and I’m very thin (working on this). Men who self-identify as “ugly” typically still have masculine features, just not in very good proportions. I, on the other hand, have decent proportions but not very masculine features. In terms of objective measurements like symmetry and proportion I’d say I was a 6, but I wonder: does having a “baby face” count against me, and how much? And how, physically-speaking, do I counter this? Should I play up an effeminate angle (not really my preference), or try to defeat it in some way (I also can’t grow decent facial or chest hair yet despite having very hairy legs — thanks mom and dad!)?

You’re thinking too much about this, like a little girly-woman with a little girly-hamster. Can you change your face? No. Can you approach more women and try to be more charismatic and challenging? Yes. If you do what you can theoretically do instead of complaining about what you cannot possibly do, you’ll meet women who will either love your baby-face or who will make up rationalizations for loving your face when it’s really your attitude they love.

About the only practical advice I could give you regarding your face is to abide the maxim “contrast is king”. Women will be expecting a trustworthy, genial fellow when they meet your baby-face; they’ll be pleasantly shocked when you flash your jerk pass.

On the other hand, I suppose you could go the plush beta orbiter route and aim for the bang circa 2023.


Email #5

The spring must bring out the brooders. Ohiomega laments,

Hi, liege. Imagine a man had taken your DMV test and received a very low score–almost everything about him was subpar in terms of its ability to help him snag snatch. How could he most efficiently go about improving his lot? What is the order of operations, so to speak, of male improvement?

Ok, this may go against conventional pickup doctrine, but the *quickest* path to improving your lot is through the weight room. Squats, deads, bench, pull-ups. We’re talking fast, right? In two months, you’ll feel manlier and you’ll look manlier. Game ROI is pretty quick too, but in my experience nothing will boost your outlook like a month or two of hard lifting. Don’t worry about “getting hyooge”. That’s not the point. Attitude adjustment is the point.

Now, if we’re talking about *total* ROI, rather than quickest, you’ve gotta hit the field and apply the core game principles on real live women. Efficiency-wise, that means:

Get rid of crutches, aka loser male friends, who are unintentional or otherwise obstacles to you walking up to women to meet them for eventual copulation as the good lord intended.

Find someone who knows how to dress. Emulate that person.

Keep a few negs, a few conversation starters, a few generic text replies, a few juicy alpha male movie quotes, and a few psychological games in your memory bank for instant retrieval. Trawl the CH archives for these.

Be a good boy scout and prepare for every woman to shit test you.

Have a pre-planned “date night activity list” in your head, which you will use for just about every woman you meet. This means you know beforehand you will take the girl from Venue #1 -> Venue #2 -> Home/Venue #3, and you will know which drinks you’ll get and who works there, as well as transportation options and distances from your 150-count bedsheets. Confidence is a side effect of tight planning.

Learn to engagingly tell one story from your life that makes you look good. Frame it in such a way that it seems you are reluctant to tell her, but oh well, she seems really interested.

Reader Mailbag entries are piling up. Expect some more in the coming weeks.

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Email #1

A reader of the estrogenic persuasion writes,

I am a new mother of a two month old infant boy.

Generally it’s ill advised to seek parenting advise from a non-parent, but you have convinced me of so many truths that I am asking.  I am asking you for parenting advise.  Not of the “how to get baby to sleep thru the night” kind or “how to accomplish potty training,” but rather, what do I do with this child?  Do I hand him a skateboard and tell him to enjoy the decline?  Do I start an educational savings plan and hope that the 1950’s comes back?  How and when do I begin his “game” education?  Is it a mistake to bring children into this world?  I figure people had children during declines before, and ultimately the world will abide.

My husband and I are both white.  We are not religious.  He is an engineer and we met at university.  I would describe him as a classic beta provider.  I stumbled on your website several years ago before we were engaged, and I subtly gave my husband a “red-pill” education, to the point where his “game” is at a point where he is reasonably attractive.  I have also upped my “game” so to speak, and I’m no 10 but I’m enough for this guy and he gets all his lunches packed for him and never has to do laundry or sweep the floor.  I also felt like if something happened to me, my husband would never be able to meet another woman, but now I feel confident that he has enough game that he wouldn’t be eternally celibate if I died and I am comforted by this.  I also feel that the game I taught him will help him in his professional life.

Discovering your website turned my world upside-down.  In addition, my son’s formerly conservative, suburbanite, rather dull grandparents are now radical anarchist activists.  Needless to say, within the past 5 years or so, I have questioned everything I thought I knew.  Your last DIVCON post prompted me to write you.

Considering my situation, do you have any parenting advise for me?

Re-read that CH-bolded part. Doesn’t that confessional blip get right to the heart of marriage and its lurking discontents? If a woman knows you can get other women (should the need arise), she is happier. Game can strengthen marriages.

If field experience in the dating trenches and genetic analyses are any indication, the world is changing faster now than it ever has before. The human landscape is shifting under our feet. New parents are right to be concerned how to raise their children, especially their little boys for whom the armaments of the leftoid cultural propaganda and policy machines have taken aim.

My advice will be long and bitter.

1. Boys don’t need to hear about decline. What they need to hear about are enemies to fight.
2. You must raise your boy with an eye on his future prize: love and loyalty from beautiful women. This means cultivating in him an appreciation of sex differences and a focus on exploiting his native talents. Admiration from men will follow.
3. His father will be tempted to correct his weaknesses. This is misplaced help. Dad should direct his energy to maximizing his son’s strengths.
4. Give your son room to grow into a man. Let him take risks and flirt with danger.
5. Your son will learn how to successfully deal with women by observing his father deal with his mother. The best thing Dad can do for his son is game his Mom.
6. When your son is a teenager, introduce him to weightlifting and men’s fashion.
7. Your son will not want to “share his feelings” with you or Dad. If you want to know what’s on his mind, tell a story lesson from your life. He will subconsciously ingest your story and relate it to his own problems.
8. Do whatever you can to assure your son attends majority (80%+) white schools. Your son’s life of learning is not a safari.
9. Mock feminism and equalism at the dinner table. By age 8, your son should be ready for irritating truths. By age 15, for the ugliest truths.
10. Your son isn’t a programmable entity or a projection of your need for usefulness. Don’t schedule his life by Google calendar. If you’re shuttling him to events or clubs more than twice a week, cut back. He needs those days where he explores on his own and returns home caked in dirt.
11. Encourage his boyness. Buy him construction sets, toy guns, model planes, sports equipment, natural science books, and, when he’s older, the CH bestseller.
12. Never humiliate his father in front of him. You may find it satisfying, but you’re doing your boy a disservice.
13. Teach him to throw a punch, and take a punch. If Dad can’t do it, find a male relative who can.
14. Buy him an electric guitar for his eighth birthday. He may not have musical ability, but it’s worth finding out.
15. Teach him to hunt, not just animals, but also humans. This is the darkest of my advice, but it’s invaluable. He should know what it feels like to be aggressive, to initiate conflict. Not necessarily physical conflict; verbal conflict mastery is more useful. His confidence as a man-to-be will grow along with his facility at managing social interactions, joshing with other boys, and teasing rivals.
16. Avoid criticism in favor of demonstration. When he makes a mistake, the urge to criticize will be strong. Better to channel that emotion into helpful suggestions. Preserve your boy’s honor and he’ll reward you with redoubled efforts to please you.
17. Keep a close eye on your son’s school curriculum. Don’t be afraid to confront school administrators and teachers if they start stuffing absurd shitlibbery into his impressionable mind.
18. If you are atheist or agnostic, swallow your pride and ensconce him in a religious tradition. The presence of a powerful overseer, true or not, will help ground him and gird his will. This is a tough call, though, because most Western religions have become utterly corrupted by malign anti-white influences. Nevertheless, if there’s one pretty lie that you should abide for a short while to facilitate his healthy emotional development and a sense of protective community, this is it.
19. If you have the means, travel with him to Europe to experience the great traditions and accomplishments of his ancestors. Cheaper version: the public library.
20. No social media. No iPads. No iPhones. Boys don’t become great men with their eyes glued to a screen like a plugged in Matrix pod. They become great men with their eyes up and searching the horizon.


Email #2

A reader wants to know how his text game ranks,

Hey, I just wanted to see if you had time to critique my text game with this girl I’ve known for 6 years. She likes me but I don’t pursue friends. I talk to her all the time and use her to test out some theories that I read up on here and elsewhere.

Up until recently I didn’t even know text game was a thing. I didn’t use the 1/3 rule, there were times where I replied instantly after it took her a few minutes to respond, and I also replied with more words than she did but I think it turned out well.

The reader is blue, the girl white.

The reader broke a couple of texting rules, but it didn’t hurt him because he has the right attitude (cocky teasing) and he initiated the conversation. If you initiate with a girl, you will, by the nature of the tacit disequilibrium in relative value, have to expend more effort in moving the girl toward a flirty rapport.

This girl is sassy, so the risk here is that this type of edgy parrying isn’t going to move her closer to sexual interest. She likes it, but there has to be a push so she feels like the drug is being taken away from her. The reader might try texting back that he’ll catch up with her tomorrow “with juicy details if things go right tonight”. When she inquires, don’t respond. The exquisite pang of incipient jealousy must be allowed to slow boil her hamster through the night.


Email #3

A pressing matter,

Hey, Heartiste, why do chicks “lol” so much in txt convos? It’s almost perfunctory with them; they can’t possibly laugh that much. What are they trying to say? Do they even know?

It’s social lubrication. Girls use nonverbal and verbal tics like “lol” to create and amplify bonding. It’s like how you might laugh a little extra hard at your boss’s jokes. When a girl does this excessively, a good neg you can use is “hey you laugh a lot”, as if you’re making some sort of astounding, but value-neutral, discovery. Simple, but oh so effective.


Email #4

A reader speaks for millions,

I write to the great Chateau with a burning question that has plagued me for months.

When are you going to compile the best writings of CH into a game bible? If you published a book it would easily be the greatest thing to come out of the manosphere. It would rival Rollo’s book (see that tight neg, you’ve taught me well).

Even if you don’t have the time make a book could you at least compile a best of? This is easily my favorite blog. Quality writing and raw, biting truths. Anyway, enough dickriding. I eagerly await your response.

A young reader.

Your flattery game is tight, young padawan. But the Chateau staff of life is vainglorious, and can accommodate that mistress factory known colloquially as Russia riding it to completion.


Email #5

Wherefore amused mastery?

Long Story Short (hopefully)!

Dating 8 yrs. Own a condo together for 1.5 years.

Just read your “I Love You Too” article. The beta schmuck comment at the end about saying “luvya” at the end of each call really resonated with me. I knew I was beta with my girl but this really sunk to how bad it really is. I’ve been doing some reading cause I feel like she just isn’t in to me like before, and I’d love that to change.

I have zero game, if I like a girl: beta mode! at least that’s all I knew when I was single. Although luckily enough for me due to the fact (when we met at 16) she was one year older and I assumed out of my league. I thought I didn’t have a chance. So no loser beta attempts at getting her (wish I knew this before lol). Apparently I’m cocky funny as a normal human, she always recounts when we first met how much of a dick I was, I used to give her the hardest time, cause it was fun. Then I asked her out and beta schmuckery ensued for the last 8 years. Although a couple of questionable acts on my part have basically made me more beta to try and make up for hurting her and calming her jealousy down. So I find it quite hard to be funny or whatever when she get’s in a jealous spell, I’m usually apologetic etc. In general though how can this be pulled back around.

I think also a good thing to cover is guys in LTR for a LOOONG time, like me 8 years, that discover proper game etc, how can we change the dynamic, it’s not an easy thing to mentally get around. Changing how we act etc.

Thanks for all the great articles it’s really interesting reads and helpful.

How many times have we the assembled heard this sap story before? The congenital beta who’s as cool as a cucumber with girls when the pressure’s off, but becomes a try-hard troubadour as soon as the prospect of s-s-s-sexual intimacy or, worse, relationship finality, looms. It’s a script that men appear bedeviled to play until someone smacks them straight.

Just keep this handy maxim in mind:

CH Maxim #57: Beta males mate guard, alpha males disregard.

There will be exceptions to this, but as a guiding life principle, you’ll go more right than wrong following it. When your girlfriend gets jealous, don’t appease. Do that and you may as well count the days till she blitzkriegs your balls. Instead, playfully acknowledge her jealousy in a way that implicitly alleviates her worst fears. For instance, “Keep it coming, Your jealousy is giving me a chub. *make stupid exaggerated expression of joy so she knows you’re mocking her* You like me! I’m fuckin tickled pink.”

The thing to understand about very long-term relationship game is that your worst enemy is familiarity fatigue. The both of you will fall into predictable routines, because humans are path of least resistance maximizers. If you want the LTR bad enough, you’ll have to do things that shake up the ordinary that she’s become accustomed to. That could mean a lot of things (CH favors fast getaways), or it could mean having children (CH again favors fast getaways), as long as whatever you do isn’t something she could see coming. Also, peer into the CH archives for “relationship game”. Lots of pertinent stuff by men who have been down the road you’re on.


Email #6

Just how universal is game?, asks a reader.

Hi Heartiste,

do you think game is completely universal, or is it somewhat race-dependent? Is the optimal alphaness different if you want to maximise your chances to bang a white/black/asian girl?

Personally I guess it is race dependent, and is nicely symmetrical to the r-K human spectrum:
black->max alpha asshole game
white->more subtle alpha, intermediate
asian->beta may do it, it’s more important to play your provider card…

It’s a false dichotomy to presume game must be either universalist or particularist. There are general game principles that are universal (e.g., confidence, teasing, charm, and power are attractive to all women) and there are game tactics that will differ depending on the race of the woman, the race of the man, or the cultural context within which each resides (e.g., the effective ratio of beta provider game to alpha ambivalence game).

No doubt the races of women differ in some respects regarding their receptivity to American style game, but these differences can be accommodated without chucking the entire game framework. Your spectrum is a good start, but I’d warn against overplaying the amount of stone cold alpha that black women love or the amount of courtly beta provider game that asian women love. I’ll give you two quick stories from my life to illustrate what I mean.

One black girl I dated certainly loved my disappearing act and my cocksureness. But when she saw me out once with a blonde on a lunch date, her crestfallen face told me everything I needed to know about her feelings. The ultimate “aloof alpha” card had been played, and it drove her into a depressed tailspin, where some simple gestures of beta commitment on my part would have brought her back into my arms, if I had desired that.

One other time I was set up on a date with a tall, elegant asian woman by a friend. We went carousing downtown together, but the sexual energy never seemed to spark. A few days later, my friend accosted me and asked me what happened. I said that I tried, but she just wasn’t giving any signals that she wanted more. I chalked it up to her asianness and her need to take it especially slow. He replied, “She wanted it, but you weren’t pushing for it. She said you never made a move.” I considered that, and realized I may have poisoned my own game by making assumptions based on her race about the level of alphatude she would welcome.

The lesson should be clear, but this isn’t meant as a contradiction of the existence of racial differences in female attraction triggers. Yes, if you date black (more precisely, *culturally* American black) women, you’ll need more up-front, loud, borderline obnoxious, socially dominating game. If you date asian women, you’ll want a lower intensity game, one which requires perhaps a few more intimations of your relationship-mindedness and romanticism.

Then there are the complications that arise from unspoken friction created by interracial game. An asian man will have to compensate for his assumed betatude by being more alpha with white and black women than would white or black men with those women. A black man will have to tone it down with white and asian women, and “act white” to allay (mostly justifiable) fears that he’s too aggressive or socially low value.

You might say the sweet spot is to be a white man, and on that point I won’t argue.

This Valentino’s Day, let us give tribute to the great white, and quasi-white, master romancers of European history. They have taken the rhythms of the mating jungle and elevated it to symphonies of seduction.

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DragonfromCY writes,

Urgent advice requested, there’s an opportunity for mischief in outing a liar. Bare-bones summary: 6 months dating a flaming s–t (far too long, I know, but the sex is great), going to a big bday party with her tomorrow.

She says there are no exes coming and she hasn’t hooked up with any of the men who are gonna be there–but from a quick perusal of her computer it’s clear she’s f—d at least one of them (a few weeks before meeting me), a guy who has a girlfriend (and cheated on her with my s–t girlfriend) so it’s like their dirty little secret. “This is between me and you, right?” he wrote to her, when she offered him “a ride”. She still keeps in touch with him, texting him stuff like “hey dude what’s going on with you” etc. That to me was the death knell of our hooking up–I don’t even want her as a f-buddy. She lied that she didn’t keep in touch with exes.

The guy will most likely be at the party with his girlfriend, and I’ll be introduced to him. I’d like to amuse myself by watching her hamster spin. I want to dump her soon. I might even wink at the guy and insinuate subtly that I know. Any advice on how to f–k with her/his head? For fun of course!

You can safely assume any girl who keeps in serious contact with an ex is still having sex with him, and then act accordingly. If you’re right, you dump a cheater. If you’re wrong, you dump a drama queen who loves to mentally cheat. Win-win.

Exes should be treated like vaporware: You can let people know you have them, but beyond that, they don’t exist. This holds for men and women, but for different reasons. It’s difficult for men to be “””friends””” with exes because nearly every man retains a desire to tap that ass one more time. That feeling won’t go away until the day he sees that his ex has gone post-Wall. Unfortunately for most men, exes don’t want sex with them. This is because women initiate the majority of relationship break-ups. So being a “””friend””” with a female ex is apt to lead to psychological torment and beta orbiting blue balls for non-alpha men.

Women don’t necessarily want another go at exes, but of the exes they’ll continue contacting it’s a good bet they’re thinking of extracockicular activity. Therefore, regard with a wary eye any woman you’re dating who claims to be on exceedingly friendly terms with an ex.

The rule for men in relationships: Contact with an ex should continue only if either of these two conditions is met:

1. You know the ex still wants you, and sex-on-the-side is logistically favorable.

2. You have children with the ex.

The rule for women in relationships: There should be no contact with any exes, unless the ex is John Scalzi and thus presents no sexual threat. Or, like with men, your ex and you share children.

Now that we know the rules of the game, let’s attend to the reader’s question.

First, you’re right to dump this girl. She’s got the red flags of whoredom planted in every orifice, lying being the most obvious tell of her possible present and certain future infidelity. But a perfunctory dumping is just so… anti-climactic. You want more bang for your headfuck. Remember, your beef isn’t with your girlfriend’s ex as much as it is with your girlfriend, so target your firepower on her. As the sexual gatekeepers, women should always be held the more responsible party for any illicit dalliances they undertake.

(I know that last line stuck in feminist craw. Because it’s true.)

What you want to avoid is a “let’s you and him fight” situation where your girlfriend fortuitously gets to enjoy two men blustering and posturing for her tawdry benefit. That means don’t aggressively confront her ex. Here’s my suggestion:

When you’re introduced to the ex, lead with, “I’ve heard so much about you.” Doesn’t matter if it’s true. (It’s better if false.) Watch your girlfriend’s reaction. If she hadn’t told you anything about him, she’ll become perceptibly uncomfortable. Savor these few seconds with a smile so broad she’ll think you’re guarding a Fort Knox stash of secrets about her.

Nervous chit chat will follow. Lean in like you’re about to tell the two of them (or three of them if his GF is also part of the group) a dirty secret of your own, then say “Hey, I was going to keep this between me and you [look at your GF], but [her ex] wouldn’t mind hearing this.” Your smile should now be reaching Joker proportions.

You say, “I saw my ex here, and she is crazy. She loves taking me for a ride.” Hold it, hoooooold it. Look at the ex. “You know what I mean? Anyhow, could you guys just kinda circle around me so maybe she doesn’t see me? If she comes over, pretend like we’re in deep conversation. Christ, I may need to bolt.”

Then they’ll chime in with something, it’s irrelevant. All you’re doing is extracting the id from your girlfriend’s ego bunker and forcing it to manifest in the awkward contortions of her face. You want to savor that crimson blush, her foot shuffling, and her attempts to cut off the conversation with feeble excuses. This is your one act play, and you will make it count.

Continue. “How close are you two? Can I trust you alone together? Haha, just busting your chops. I’ve gotta go, babe. Do you mind if I leave you here with [her ex]? No hanky panky, all right?” Finish it with a coup de grace shit-eating grin.

At this juncture, anything can happen. She might slink away disgracefully and meekly request she join your departure. Or, more likely, she’ll be experiencing something akin to septic shock, and stand there like a dummy, trying to make sense of her cratering bowels. Whatever you do in response, DON’T let on that you know the score. Pretend ignorance. This whole circus depends on plausible deniability and soul-shivving ambiguity. You’re not starting a fight with your girlfriend; you’re starting a fight *within* your girlfriend.

All will become clear to her in a few days time when she hasn’t gotten a single call or text from you. Relish the thought of her paranoia.

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Letters of inquiry to the Chateau mailroom have begun spilling into the arched hallway, so today’s post is an effort to relieve the backup.

Email #1

Jaap writes,

Just a suggestion: maybe it would be nice to write something more about text gaming but not about contents… There’s a lot more to it:
– when to respond
– reaction time…
– being online but not responding while she is apping (making her jealous)…
– cutting of conversation suddenly saying: sorry..got to go..
– being unavailable…

etc etc….  There’s a lot of interesting strategies..

I’m sure the archives are loaded with the info you want, but to recap text game basics:
– Make it a habit to wait longer to reply to the girl than the time she takes to reply to you. Generally, this rule becomes more flexible the longer you’re seeing the girl. Don’t feel bad about texting the next day, either.
– Reaction time… see above. The faster you react, the more invested you appear. Ever see a silverback gorilla in the wild? They move like sloths. It takes a lot to get them going.
– Online cold shouldering can be useful as a pre-lubing game tactic. I wouldn’t advise total silence; that could be misconstrued as butthurtness. Drop concatenated chats every so often, like “?”, “yerp”, “heyo” or “lol” so it appears less like you’re studiously ignoring her and more like you’re busy with others and can’t spare the effort to flesh out a fuller convo with her.
– Cut-offs are effective. If you’re around alpha males, you’ll notice they excel in the art of the curt escape. Leave the excessively polite, long-winded goodbyes to the women and the betas.
– What’s there to say? It helps your cause to be occasionally unavailable. Make up a reason if you don’t have one. The object is to enhance your mate value through signals of unattainability and social validation.

Email #2

fakeemail writes with concern in his voice,

My gf just got laid off.  I hid my glee.  This is to my advantage right?  The more desperate and empty the chick, the better I look.  Is this accurate?  Do you want a gf or wife who works or who stays at home?

One unsavory rule of biomechanics is that women become more loving and clingy in direct proportion to their powerlessness. This is because they are both more reliant on their man in such conditions, and because the working man looks more dominant and alpha in comparison.

It may not be good for the shared bottom line, but an out-of-work girlfriend is a down-to-fuck lover. But this love potion #9 has an expiration date; chronic idleness will leave her with too much time to craft plans. Unhappiness and resentment and daydreaming will compete with her love if she’s childless and a Type A who has to be on the go go go. So hide your glee, profess facetious support, and enjoy the deluge of blowjobs until you notice an uptick in bitchiness, at which time you help polish her resume or you knock her up. Or, you return to living separately and indulge doctor feelgood house calls.

Part 2,

What do you do when your gf finds out that you’re a “racist”?

I outed myself by expressing displeasure with black people (contextual situation) and she wasn’t having it.  Should I lie and say I’m not a “racist” or just fuck-it and N-word her up?

Is she black? That could be some hot, raunchy hate sex. Slip in a “massa” and a “chocolate wench” and report back to us with the Penthouse Forum deets.

Otherwise, all you have to remember is the NO APOLOGY rule. Did you mean every word you said? Then own it. An apology is basically a self-betrayal, and no woman, however “anti-racist”, respects that.

Email #3

Finguy praises,

Just wanted to thank you about this site with all these great advises. I live in Finland and it seems that girls here function similar way than in US. I had lots of relationship issues(me acting too beta) but after reading Chateau and MMSL in one year my relationship has turned from terrible to great. I just stopped trying to please her and acting more selfish(+ confronting her always if she got too annoying). Now i feel im in charge here and girl is also happier. Women just want men to lead, thou they will never admit that… Keep up doing good work!

From Beta to Alpha, in 4 Easy Steps:
1. Stop appeasing.
2. Be more selfish.
3. Call her out.
4. Be in charge.

You won’t see this message of hope on a Hallmark card or jammed in a Lifetime TV show. You need to go elsewhere.

Email #4

A married man wants to reward his fidelity with an office mistress,

I’m 48 and very happily married. I look younger than I am, I’m fit, and I dress well. I started a new job close to a year ago. Right away, a 36 year old female co-worker I work with every day started giving little indicators of interest in me. For example, she showed up in the eating area of the office pretty much every time I would go there for a snack or coffee. She knew I was there because we sit nearby and she can see me get up. So we chatted a lot, but I had no game, and she was definitely merely ambivalent about me, while my interest in her just kept, uh, growing. I proposed various lunches, and she accepted only one of them. Lunch was OK, but a bit awkward. I’ve had no physical contact with her except “accidental” touches, which I have both given and received. I have a higher status than her at work, and I expect her initial attraction to me was just basic hypergamy.

My wife now knows her from office events, and the two of them got along well in their brief interactions, strangely. My wife was hotter at the same age, and I still find my wife very attractive because she keeps herself in great shape. I told my wife that I’m really into this woman, which you would think is a beta move, but after an initial “I’ll kill you both” comment, my wife actually seemed to like me more and our sex rate increased. Inadvertent dread game I suppose, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Eventually I was alone with this woman when we were both rather drunk walking out of a bar after an evening’s outing with co-workers. On that walk, I just couldn’t restrain myself and started blathering about how I was obsessed with her and didn’t know what to do, and that I had even told my wife about all this.

The devil’s tears!

Major beta move, and it made things much worse with my co-worker. I could feel her contempt for me at work every day after that, and of course instead of deliberately “happening” to meet me in the snack area, she would deliberately avoid being wherever I was.

Then I discovered your site, and realized that what she wants is not a man who is obsessed with her, but a man with self-control who could take or leave her because he has other options. So I stopped paying attention to her entirely, even turning my back on her in group situations. Bingo. I could sense a sudden insecurity in her where before there was just contempt. The indicators of interest came back, including hair twirling when talking to me now. She invited me to a party she was throwing at a bar recently, and I went to it, which was probably a mistake. I got very drunk at the party, another mistake I know, but I exhibited definite alpha behavior there, going behind the bar to steal drinks, patting her on the head in a condescending way, and even stealing her own drink from in front of her and drinking it.

The devil’s testosterone!

I got no reaction at all to this behavior though, and she actually left the party briefly and went for a walk around the block with the new guy in the office, who was pestering her for a walk. When she sent out the party invitation, she said that anyone too drunk to get home could sleep at her place, but when I said I needed a place to sleep, she said there wasn’t room. A definite rejection.

Yes, I’m a douche because I have a loving and good-looking wife already, but I’d give my right hand and a sizable donation to CH if I could get a 10-minute makeout session with this woman. I’ve tried to just suppress my desire for her, but I fail because I see her finely sculpted ass every day at work. Advice?

Additional info: this woman is single, having broken up with her long-time boyfriend a few months after I started working with her. So she was flirting with me before she broke up with him.

Also, she does not report to me. So there are no HR issues, though it’s generally a bad idea to be involved with a woman at work.

You’re working at a distinct disadvantage. One, you confessed in a blubbery beta moment of weakness your horny level. Two, you’re married. Now granted there are a lot of women who are turned on by married men and actively chase them for illicit affairs, but some, perhaps by dint of having previously traveled the ho road to hell, don’t want anything to do with taken men, and will dial down their desire if they discover a man is beholden.

So what does she have? She has your validation. She has your attention. Where’s the challenge that married men are supposed to effuse naturally? You surrendered it at Assomattox. (I mean, offering to sleep at her place? If that isn’t desperation, what is?)

Your addendum is informative. She was on the rocks with a BF, and a married man (you) is the perfect foil to boost her flagging ego. To catch the eye of a married man is a thrill for women. She led you on, and you, by your own account, happily slipped the leash over your neck.

Too much pull, that’s your problem. You needed to push her away more. To qualify her. To bust on her for chasing married men. To ASSUME THE SALE. I don’t know if it’s salvageable; the well of her womb may be too poisoned for fresh water to flow again for you. Try teasing her to stop dressing like a grandma the next time you see her at the office kitchen, it’s ruining company morale. Do it with a smile, because there’s too much history that could redound against any incipient positive perception she might have of your emotional state or motivation. A strong asshole vibe coupled with a gradual unavailability is your only hope.

Email #5

This reader needs help with an OkCupid chat,

Was curious of your response advice in the OkCupid thread I have pasted below (let me know if you did not receive).

Me:  31, 5’10, relatively good looking but certainly no Brad Pitt

Her:  24, 5’1, femme fatale type, ridiculous petite body, easily a 9, claims to be bisexual and a stripper.

We’re gonna need a bigger asshole.

I messaged first, referencing a line in her profile that “at times I dress like a twelve year old boy; at others I dress like a movie star,” obviously assuming the sale and going with a qualification frame from there.  She seems to be having none of it.

Here are the responses I was thinking of sending a few days from now, aimed at conveying aloofness and outcome-independence.

1.  No response.  Just walk away.
2.  “K!”
3.  “Sounds good!”
4.  “Gay.”
5.  “That response makes no sense, but whatever!”

Anything better you can devise would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks.

Here is a screenie of the reader’s chat:

As I suspected, you oversold yourself. You assume the sale; you don’t bludgeon her with your product. Newbs to game often come across ham-fisted, because they learn a new tactic and then beat it to death.

After she wrote “what makes you think there will be a first date?”, you had an opportunity to terse it up and redirect the chat to something more fruitful. For instance:

“telepathy. it’s all the rage.”
“my huge ego”
“this magic 8 ball I just bought”

You get the idea. The time was ripe for humor, not more heavy insistence on your date-ability.

Anyhow, it doesn’t seem like you had any attraction at all, so when you dropped the presumed date bomb, she just gawked at it, getting irritated. So her last reply is not surprising:

“that’s fair. let me know how that goes for you”

A cunty response, but not unusual from ingenues who claim to be strippers and bi. They have radars exquisitely attuned to even the slightest odor of try-hard, and you pinged it.

If I got a send-off like that, I would be too turned off to bother with her anymore. Walk away. But if you want to keep gaming her, a decent reply would be:

“If you insist.”

And then no matter how she replies, don’t respond for another couple of days.

Report back to the CH Council on Furrow Relations with the latest.

Read Full Post »

Commenter MercifulBoss asks,

I was daygaming at the mall a while ago, got this girls number and took some photos with her and me in the photo for social proof. She opened me on facebook we talked for a bit, I tried to get her out but she found excuses and never went out with me.

Today I was fucking around on Facebook and she opens me saying, “like my photo of me getting kissed?”, its a photo of her sitting at her computer while some random dude kisses her on the cheek.

I didn’t reply (seems like an attention whore to me — I don’t like enabling attention whores).

Was this the correct move, or should I have said something non-commital like, “cool”? The silence could be interpreted like butthurtedness?

All indicators are that she’s a) taken or b) totally uninterested in anything but getting her ego stroked by a chasing beta. I don’t think you have a deep mystery on your hands here. The correct move was moving on.

However, it sounds like you wanted an exploit that would ignite the possibility of slipping the PIV. If so, there are many effective ways you could have replied to her taunt. Examples:

her: “like my photo of me getting kissed?”

you: “you’re real close with your dad/brother/cousin, aren’t you?”

you: “more tongue next time”

you: “presentation: 7, execution: 2″

you: “goddam, dude is slobbering on you like a hungry dog” [boyfriend destroyer subroutine]

you: *popcorn pic* “awesome. steamy lesbian sex” [another boyfriend destroyer PLUS sneaky neg]

you: “you call that a kiss? i’ll show you a kiss.” *send her pic of a Hershey’s kiss*

you: “how cute. you’re looking for my approval” [flipping the native sex script is powerful game]

you: *send her pictogram of birthday cake cat*

The point with these replies is that it’s paramount to communicate an aloof, outcome independent, devil-may-care, toes-a-tappin’ alpha male attitude. Amused mastery, in PUA parlance. The best way to do this is through an amalgam of cavalier humor and edgy teasing.

This method is probably the only really results-replicable, reliable, game-savvy response to an attention whore dropping beta bait into the Facebook tank and fishing for nibbles or whole chomps from desperate orbiters. She’s already put you on the defensive; therefore most replies, like “cool”, will carry a whiff of butthurt.

Radio silence of course is your next best option, but that doesn’t leave much room for burying the beef hatchet in that ratchet. Silence is a very passive opt out of an attention whore feeding frenzy. It isn’t butthurt — men tend to overestimate women’s ability to read spite into silence — but it isn’t a proactive game tactic, either. At best, it leaves her wondering what you really think and leaves you free to spend your valuable time on other less emotionally needy women.

Just follow the patented CH Maxim of Seductive Interaction:

Maxim 5: Charisma before silence, silence before self-incrimination.

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A grateful reader writes to say thanks to the demidongle of CH for changing his love life for the better,

I have to start out by saying thank you for this site. It has certainly opened my eyes and cured me of my societal conforming. Like most men I have had a couple good relationships, a couple bad, and some flings, ons’s in between. Your typical guy if you will. To preface this e-mail I had a 7y relationship as a young man and a couple year and a half ones up until this point. The first one taught me a lot about life, love etc. the ones that followed them were shit. In July of this year I met my current gf. After assessing this relationship time and time again I realize she is one of those girls that needs a guy in control, but if you’re not, she fucking hates you and the resentment infects her body like the plague. Ive seen both sides of it. Her undying affection and love; and her seething resentment. Her dad was absent in her life therefore she tends to overcompensate with the “control” of her life. She’s never trusted anyone to take care of her but herself. A wall to break through for sure.

Im one of those guys who learned to not care too much about the women I didn’t care about (naturally), and care a lot for the ones I do care for. So an aloof alpha when it didn’t matter, and a beta when it does. [ed: a common male malady] So I got into this relationship and things went fantastically for a few months and then she started in on me about things. From how we were before in the honeymoon phase I just figured well I’ll do what she wants and Ill be fine. Wrong. I couldn’t figure out why she was still requiring more from me after doing what she wanted. She was still unhappy. “you aren’t doing this”, “you aren’t doing that” “I cant live like this”… So I supplicated more, and more, until my brain was going to explode from the confusion. We had a few blow out fights that was basically my frustration for her unhappiness exploding, and her continuing to complain. I told her “you ask me to leap and I fucking leap, what the hell else do you want me to do?”.  But she would still tell me that she loved me even though at the same time she was telling me she was unhappy and treating me like a doormat. She never stopped telling me she loved me. Which probably confused me more. My fight or flight response was on FLIGHT but something kept me there..

So I was fed up, had no solution to the problem, I do love her and with my mr fix it attitude in full effect along with my commitment and resiliency.. I needed a solution. So I found your site… read the commandments. Read the beta/ alpha posts. Keeping attraction in a relationship. The story about the experiment with the husband and wife was especially eye opening. So from reading a lot of the posts that pertained to myself I decided to do what seemed counter intuitive. I chilled the fuck out, mentally strengthened myself and decided to love her fully even through her storm of emotions. One of the commandments states:

“Her emotions are a hurricane, her soul a saboteur. Think of yourself as a bulwark against her tempest. When she grasps for a pillar to steady herself against the whipping winds or yearns for an authority figure to foil her worst instincts, it is you who has to be there… strong, solid, unshakeable and immovable.”

So I stopped supplicating to everything. I started defending myself. She’d ask me what I wanted and then shit test me with “well why would you do it like that, that makes no sense, that’s stupid” So I said “you asked me what I wanted, I told you, and you aren’t happy with that. Don’t want my opinion, don’t ask for it” she just about fell over. I stood my ground. She left for work pissed but I didn’t go after her. I ignored it. She called me about 2 hours later to make sure everything was ok and was overjoyed to talk about what we were going to do that night for dinner. It was peculiar but I just went along with it. She came home and was like an excited girl again. A small victory. And a promising insight into her psyche. There have been many times since then (about 3 weeks ago) that she’s done the same and I’ve stood my ground. In that time she’s gone from seething resentment to joyful love again, which I enjoy along with the increase in fucking that has come because of it.

The last thing I’d like to say is that the guy I’ve been for the last month since finding your site is the guy I have always been.  I just thought that since I cared so much that I needed to conform to her wishes to make her happy. But she just wanted a man who was a fucking man and was going to put her back into her place. In turn that made her love even more, and come after me. She was testing my ability to lead the relationship and I was failing. She knows exactly what shes doing, and so do I, I just didn’t understand it. She was shit testing me every fucking day. So I stopped coming after her about what is wrong, why she’s quiet, just let her fucking be. The other day sitting on the couch she looks at me and says “I need you” I said “ok”, “no like I need you, I don’t know what I would do without you”…

Shes crazy. But my ultimate success is taming her, it’s a fucking game. It always is. I get off on it as sadistic as that seems.

Thanks Chateau Heartiste. You rock. You can use my story but please no personal information. And just because I know you get a lot of trolls I can tell you I most certainly am not. Hopefully some shit made sense in my rambling. Thanks again.

When strangers seeking answers amble across Chateau grounds and peer into its dusty libraries, two kinds of reactions follow:

1. Screeching and shrieking about the horror of this place, or

2. Solemn thanks of appreciation for saving a life.

Some people you just can’t reach. But some… they’re ready to be happy. The door is always open for them.

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A reader writes,

I wrote to you before about your advice improving the relationship with my mom.

I want your critical and scrutinizing take on another situation. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years now. It’s going great. I keep it in-line with CH preachings and wisdom, and I would even go as far as saying that both of us are pretty happy. I’ve never been the type to be the super macho alpha male. I would describe myself as Tom Haverford from the show Parks and Rec, except caucasian, and a bit taller. Now that the necessary background info is out of the way, here’s the question: I find it much easier to talk to girls and make friends with them than with guys. I have 1 guy friend, and about 11 girl friends. (As a side note, from those 10, about 2 of them are dtf.) I’ve never cheated on my gf. I don’t hide the fact that I am in relationship from any of them, and I do not broadcast every detail of my relationship either. I find that girls are easier to go out and do things with, like go to the bar, play pool, or even just grab a coffee, or lunch with. (Maybe it’s easy for me due to the fact that I internalized your ways of game and flirting, and had ample of practice on my actual gf.) Where as with guys in the past and now I had friends who I would do a certain activity with i.e. soccer sam, xbox mike etc. but thats about it.

Anyways, naturally this drives my real girlfriend nuts. She’s not the overly attached girlfriend, who texts me every minute asking me where am I, but if she hears that I’m in company of girls when she calls, she would go like “oh right, you are with your girlfriends, sorry I’ll call you back” Or if I’m about to send a text to someone and she sees my phone messaging screen and its mostly girls names she gets upset. She also met a few of my “girlfriends” and every now and then would throw something like “sorry I’m not Katie” etc. My gf keeps hinting that I need more guy friends, and that it’s “weird” that I don’t hang out with guys at all, and that I should do something about it. On the other hand, I am quite satisfied with the situation.

What’s your take?

My take: you’re sitting in the driver’s seat. You’re right to feel quite satisfied with the present arrangement. Everything you’ve written tells of a woman who is beset by irritating, if manageable, jealousy pangs, and has assumed the perpetual chaser role of the girlfriend who feels she must continually re-earn her man’s love and affection.

This state of affairs may sound bad in print, but these kinds of men aren’t the ones getting taken to the cleaners by icy ex-wives.

When a girl like this one tells you to swap out most of your female friends for male friends, she’s practically confessed to feeling threatened.

Women who are in charge of their relationships typically put the kibosh on their men hanging out with their male friends too much because those women don’t want their men’s attentions (read: resources) spent frivolously on his gang of bros.  These women don’t worry so much about female competition because they don’t believe their beta herbs are capable of seducing other women. This is how it goes for, oh, 80-90% of long-term relationships.

In contrast, women who *aren’t* in charge of their relationships typically fret more about their men spending time in the company of women, any women, in any context. These women do worry about the female competition, because they know their boyfriends/husbands have the charismatic chops to woo aspiring mistresses. And they know that women are mercenary behind the fair maiden masks, and will eagerly encourage a betrayal.

Be happy that you hold court with women. It’s not weird, it’s exhilarating, for you and your girlfriend.

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