Reader Mailbag: Poke Rape Edition

Email #1:

Short and sweet

What is a good response to a girls question of

“What is your biggest fantasy”

Seems like saying something crazy and different would be a good response, right?

The chick wants to know if her fantasies are compatible with your fantasies. Three ways to tackle this. Smolderingly serious, jokingly over-the-top, or intriguingly evasive.

Serious answer: “To scale the heights of Kilimanjaro during the autumnal equinox, and to gaze down at the herds of feminists stampeding across the veldt.”

Jokey answer: “You, me, your mom, Cool HHWip.”

Evasive answer: “We’ll see.”

Use the serious answer on girls you know something about, so that you can tailor your response. Use the jokey answer on attention whores and party girls. Use the evasive answer on girls who are already into you.

References to breastal motorboating, public sex or blumpkins should be avoided.

Email #2:

Dear Chateau,

This Asian chick I’ve been hooking up with for the past month told me at lunch (I’m in highschool) that my friend poke raped her. I asked her to define rape, and she said that she might be exagerrating and that he actually poked her in the boob. My friend defended himself (although a bit in jest) saying that he merely poked her in the side. This prompted her to do an exaggeration demonstration as she poked him in the chest (boob).

I looked at him seriously for a few seconds, and when he held out his fist to fist bump, I waited a few seconds before fist bumping him.

I don’t really care about if anything happened, but I am curious as to why you think a girl would do this (oi! he raped me)? Is she trying to tell me that some one else is interested in her?

(The relationship we have is unofficial. There are a few other things that may be in play that I don’t know about, but they are unimportant to me. This relationship is a learning one.)

W

Poke rape? Wow, high school has really gotten lame since I was there. What happened to heavy makeouts in the stairwell in between classes?

The tempestuous geisha is trying to make you jealous. She wants to see some sign of commitment from you in the form of defending her virtue from male interlopers. Ignore her sly provocations. Play with her expectations. Ask if her boob needs to go to rape counseling. Ask her to finger the suspect (ha). And don’t fistbump your buddy. He encroached on your territory.

Email #3:

Hello, first I would like to thank you for your wonderful blog, it has really helped turn my life around, so feel free to include your answer to this on your site.

I have a problem with erectile dysfunction, and it is really freaking me out as I am only a 24 year old man and am in otherwise excellent physical condition.  The problem was I didn’t know I had it until recently.  I’ve always been a very quiet type guy, ie the nice guy, and until the past year when I started reading your blog I have had almost no success with women.

I’ve been working very hard to turn my life around, and a couple nights ago I was finally able to get a very attractive 21 year old foreign girl into bed with me, and then it happened.  When we were kissing, I was rock hard, I was hard when she was sucking my dick, but when I penetrated my boner was killed almost immediately.  I can’t stress enough how embarrassing this was for me and I cant imagine what was going through her head.

I wonder if  the fact that it had been such a long time that I’ve been with a woman (several years) might have played a role since you just cant duplicate what it feels like to fuck a girl, but I find it very unnerving that I wasn’t able to keep an erection for a girl that I found very attractive.

I tried to play it off like she wasn’t doing enough to stimulate me, and she ended up staying the night and sucking me off again in the morning before she left, but I feel like I’ve ruined this situation.  My immediate plan is to see a doctor and get a prescription for viagra(that shit is ridiculously expensive), but I’m wondering if there’s anything that I can do in the mean time to save face with her.

One side of me wants to tell her that I just don’t find her very attractive but I was trying to make it work because she has a great personality and end the relationship there, while the other side get the medication and try to work it out since I really do like her personality.  I feel like she will just disgust me if I were to tell her the truth, but I could be wrong.

Thoughts?

I wish I could give you firsthand knowledge here to help you over your problem, but I’ve rarely underperformed. Instead, I’ll have to engage in some speculation with a layman’s understanding of the relevant medical science.

You’re 24, little to no previous sexual experience with women, and you’ve got a foreign girl in bed thanks to what you’ve learned reading this blog. I’m 90% sure it’s nerves, dude. Nothing physically wrong with you. It happens to every man occasionally. Usually it happens when you’re bumbling with the condom, or the phone rings and you’re distracted by the possibility that it’s your other girlfriend calling. No biggie; just tell the chick you need to rest for a minute and let her run her fingers over you while you put your arms behind your head and listen to music. Your boner will be back in no time.

One thing you didn’t mention was whether you were wearing a condom. Very tight and thick condoms can kill boners dead. Try ultra-thins. If she’s up for it, play just the raw dog tip. Don’t penetrate right away; build tension, tap her vulva with your dick head, go in an inch and pull out, etc. Eat celery, lots of it. My loads get incredibly viscous and milky-white after five stalks of celery. Take an l-arginine supplement, 500mg, three or four pills per day. Lift heavy weights. Get your testosterone level and your triglycerides checked by a doc. Don’t bother with Viagra until you’ve tried everything else.

Here’s a little trick I’ve learned that really amps up sexual pleasure and will cement your boner: do her from behind in front of a wall-length mirror, but stand profile (her facing to the side) so that you can watch your dick in the mirror appear and disappear in between her ass cheeks. This position will fill your testes with the juice of the gods and your dick with adamantium.

Oh, and don’t push the girl away. There isn’t enough sweet lovemaking in the world. Don’t insinuate she is at fault for not stimulating you enough. Your reaction to her wasn’t good. Just play it cool and carefree and she’ll fall into your arms as soon as you’re ready.

Email #4:

Can you please do a write up on Alpha Halloween costumes?

See here, here and here for what qualifies as examples of alpha, beta and omega GHEY costumes. As for what’s in this year, I read that sexy Sesame Street costumes are going to be big. If you’re creative, you could try a mash-up, like a Call of Duty Cookie Monster strapped up with belts of ammo and an assault rifle, and a bunch of cookie notches on the rifle barrel. Otherwise, stick with the tried and true pickup artist costumes: Zorro, Indiana Jones, James Bond (a suit always looks good on a man, particularly on a night when few other men will be wearing that), Jack Sparrow, gladiator (but only if you’ve got the body)… basically any costume that a) is manly and/or sexy and b) evokes power.

Last year, I saw a dude dressed as an infant, wearing a huge diaper, bib and bonnet and nothing else, while holding a rattler. It looked fucking ridiculous and creepy, yet the chicks swarmed around him, laughing and smiling. His trick? He had a bodybuilder physique. Contrast is king!

Email #5:

How do you deal with a narcissistic insecure woman who has been catered to and spoilt by former partners. she behaves selfishly and thinks the world revolves around her.

Three simple steps:

1. Don’t flatter her. Boosting her self-image will kill her attraction.
2. Neg! These girls are tailor-made for multiple negs. Also, employ tactical backturns at will.
3. Make her jealous. She will respond very well to denied attention and competition from other women.

Girls such as you describe can make surprisingly good girlfriends, *if* you know how to train them. A narcissislut has spent her life being chased by men; flip the script and she will explode with years of pent-up desire. Her gratitude will be your nut.

Email #6:

What does it mean when a girl has a pic of her kissing another guy as her profile pic on Facebook. She hasn’t indicated if she is in a relationship or not.

She initiated Facebook id exchange with me.

Is this a way of the girl telling “Look at me, I am desirable! Kiss my feet!”

She has a very pretty face and good sense of fashion but she is slightly chubby/thick and that lowers her points to about 7-8/10 in my eyes.

Thoughts?

How is she kissing him? On the cheek with eyes open, or full on the lips with eyes closed? The difference matters if you’re gauging her availability. Regardless, I’d avoid investing any time or energy into seducing such an attention whore. The “look at me!” Facebook profile kiss is a neon sign pointing the way to unending drama, single momhood, divorce and self-cutting. Who needs the hassle? On the plus side, she’s chubby and exhibitionist. She’ll show up to the date drunk and put out after an hour. Half hour, if you compliment her “striking figure”.

Email #7:

I read your post on Anal, and this is perfect timing.

I need your advice on this situation.

Im under 30 years old, good game, and i do my thing.

I got a main squeeze that ive been stringing along for a while. Shes under 25, and is exotic, with a huge ass. Recently, ive really been wanting to get in that ass, so ive been experimenting with it when shes drunk.
I got my finger in there and she squirted like ive never seen before. Ive done this twice while shes drunk and safe to say, she LOVES it.

Problem is, when shes sober, she denies wanting to do it and hates the idea of my dick getting in there.

Her body clearly loves it, but the hamster is trying to steer her away from it. I need some good advice on broadening her horizons.

Coochaholik

Keep that hamster inebriated. Fuck her in the ass for hours so that she sobers up while you’re still balls deep in her butt. This is known as systematic desensitization therapy, aka the sneakyfucker cure.

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Reader Mailbag: Cheap Labor Edition

Email #1:

My girlfriend is “good friends” with two guys she’s banged in the past, one in the last six months. They were “friends first,” and then she banged them, probably during a dry spell.

She’s totally into me, no doubt. I am relationship gaming this chick. I want to avoid beta bullshit with her two “friends.”

What to do?

A.

Huge, unfurled red flags snapping in a strong northerly wind. Why do women remain “good friends” with men they’ve previously banged? We know the men couldn’t have been hopeless betas, because she did spread for them. Therefore, we can presume this isn’t a situation involving cloying, celibate beta orbiters with no game. So we are left with these main reasons:

1. She likes that they have this “shared past”. This makes the friendship more taboo, and hence, exciting for her, even if she does not feel especially attracted to them.
2. These two guys are low investing alphas that she screwed for pleasure but decided against seeing in a relationship because they were the love em and leave em type. She continues the friendship because she likes the horny feelings she gets while enjoying the pleasure of their quasi-platonic company.
3. The two guys really are losers and she pity banged them, or sport fucked them during, as the emailer said, a dry spell.

None of these three reasons bode well for your LTR with her. If (1), she is a taboo junkie, and will likely cheat. If (2), she is a cock carouseler, and will likely cheat during her next ovulatory phase (preferably after she has ensnared you in marriage). If (3), she is an undiscriminating slut who will cheat on the flimsiest pretext.

“Good” friendships with past lovers is a no-go. No man should accept that in his LTR. Since there is a small chance she really does love you and isn’t cheating on you with these two guys, or thinking about cheating on you, avoid any unnecessary LTR-killing confrontations by first snooping through her stuff for any evidence she may be “taking it up a notch” with her two man friends. Expect to find such evidence. Quietly pack your stuff in the middle of the night, and tape the evidence to her fridge door for her to find in the morning. Delete her phone number and block her calls.

If you don’t care about potentially soiling the LTR with a powerful ultimatum, confront her with your demand that she cease seeing the two past lovers. Tell her this is non-negotiable if she wants to continue being with you. Watch her reaction closely.

******

Email #2:

Hello Chateau proprietors I’m looking for some help. I learned of your blog less than a week ago and as the despondent lonely beta worthlessness I am I had a lot of free time to read it. I find it interesting, and intend to certainly start working on my game (Currently 0 for 3 in my entire life, all of them  friendzoned) but I need a little help. I am an intelligent, nerdy guy, not bad looking (no glasses or bad looking hair), a little overweight,  The market value assessment yields ~-4 points. I’m looking to overcome this beta-ness and become at least a mediocre alpha male (My goal is simply to get a non-negligible amount of vag) The problem is I notice almost all of your game advice is for the club/bar setting and not for day game. I am only 18 years old at the moment so I can’t exactly go to clubs/bars to play the game. I need help on day game for the college environment (also I know dog parks are a good place, I take my dogs there which could be a good spot).

Any advice you can yield would be great. Or even suggestions to other information more applicable to day/college game than club game which you seem to focus on.

A Chateau host recently had to dog-sit for a friend. The dog was pudgy and adorable, with big wet brown eyes. This host commented that he could not believe how many women strode up and opened him cold. If he had wanted, he could have secured the digits of multiple hot babes, all within an hour of outdoor “day gaming”.

If you don’t have access to a non-ghetto dog, don’t worry. With day game, just getting a conversation started is a DHV. Most men are afraid to open women when the sun is out. We here at the Chateau actually don’t focus on club game at all. Most of the advice is generalized and can apply in all sorts of situations. In many ways, day game is simpler than bar game, because women will be surprised you are talking to them. They won’t have bitch shields to lower.

On campus, a great place to open cute nerd girls is the library. Think of a quirky funny line and use it liberally on any girl standing next to book shelves. “Excuse me… I must be in the wrong section. Do you know where I can find the section on dating tips for badboys?” Similarly, I once opened a chick in a B&N by holding up a copy of Bridal Magazine, complaining about the double standard, and asking her where I could find the Groom Magazine.

******

Email #3:

This girl I hadn’t slept with yet texted ‘I like you’.

What would’ve been the gina tingle maximizing response? ‘Me too’ sounds awfully beta so I threw it right out the window. ‘I know’ seemed better, but made the inner chump scream when I considered it, which, in hindsight probably made it the best choice, in a somewhat Opposite George way of thinking.

What I actually did was just ignore it. Didn’t get the bang.

Anonymous

“Me too” would have been the second worst response you could have sent. “OMG me too!” would have been the worst. “I know” is good, if overplayed. Ignoring it is the safe bet, as long as you follow up later with a date suggestion. But you said that didn’t work for you.

Better responses:

HER: I like you.

YOU: Damn straight.

YOU: That’s mighty white of you.

YOU: I love you!!!!!11111!!!!!!111!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ xoxoxoxoxoxo

YOU: Hell yeah, mothafuckaaaaaaaa!

YOU: gay

YOU: aw… i’m touched. Right… there.

YOU: Flattery will get you everywhere.

YOU: Ok, but next round is still on you.

YOU: fap fap fap

YOU: [insert jerk reply u know u luv]

YOU: Already?

YOU: That’s great kid. What else you got?

YOU: Tell me something I don’t know.

YOU: Don’t tell my girlfriends.

YOU: Do you think you can sweet talk me into bed?

YOU: Bring the movies.

******

Email #4:

Bonjour Propriétaire Chateau –

Specific game venue commentary required from His Deviousness on my current workplace situation:

My office complex is now owned by a local University, who decided to move their Graduate programs into two of the four buildings.  The main consequence of this is that there is now a shared cafeteria.  Yes, you read that correctly – myself and 1,000 of my fellow corporate slaves eat alongside a couple hundred 20 – 24-year-old supple grad students.  I’ll leave the specific University nameless, but the graduate programs housed here are nursing, speech therapy and the like, meaning about 90-95% of the students are female.

I’m a decent looking guy, and most days I dress to impress.  However, most of these girls are eating and talking with each other in large groups (5-10 each), which is making it hard for me to approach.

What should I do in this situation?  What are some good openers, and when should they be deployed?  In line paying for my grub seems like a good place, where I can flash some bling and comment on their choice of meal. This is a HUGE untapped resource that I MUST exploit!

Much thanks.

Wow, this is like throwing chum at hungry sharks. The sexual harassment reeducation camp will be filled to brimming. There are many ways to open groups of girls in a corporate cafeteria. I’ll offer a couple suggestions.

YOU: [walking slowly by their table, a serious expression on face] Hey, you guys are new here.

GIRL(S): Yeah.

YOU: Hm. Too bad.

GIRL(S): What does that mean?

YOU: I’d tell ya if there weren’t cameras watching.

—

YOU: [standing in line to pay] Standing in line to pay for food. It’s like the movies. You’ve got 20 seconds to flirt with me. Annnnd… go!

******

Email #5:

Dear Chateau proprietor,

What do you think about writing angry letters to girls that LJBFed you in the past? Please stop me from participating in a blue balls toxic shock initiated beta-ish correspondence expecting to hear what I did wrong from their lips (as you might have suspected my cock has no knowledge of those lips whatsoever).

If they LJBFed you in the past, then you’ve got nothing to lose except your dignity and any future girls that may be friends with them, right? And girls will never give you the real reason why they found you unacceptable to bang, right? Rationalization hamster, right? Ok, so knowing that, here’s what you write (make sure to press down hard on capital letters so that the ink runs a little with your righteous fury):

I had entered into a first date
In the summer of a celibate year
And my boner throbbed for this moment
Only now do I remember it clear
Alright, alright, alright

No more a nerd and no more a beta
I was dating and it whetted my thirst
Until your brain started spilling out friend offers
Only then did I reckon my curse
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

First came your cheek turn when I went for the kiss
Then came your crossed arms and your smile was gone
Your little tingles died on delivery
Woefully taking your desire along
Alright, alright, alright

What can one do when one is a loser
Shamefully saddled with daily fap fests?
All that I wanted was the pleasure of a sex life
So my burden I began to divest
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

Your stupid cat I buried after feeding it foxglove
Your pug was easy, it was drowned in the bath
Your asshole boyfriend fought but was easily bested
Burned his body for incurring my wrath
Alright, alright, alright

And that’s how I came your psycho stalker
To be living so horny and free
Expect that you think that I should be haunted
But at least you didn’t LJBF me
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

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New Rule For Reader Mailbag

If you write in for advice and have included photos of yourself, write the word “Chateau” on your palm and hold it up for the camera. Make sure it is clearly seen, along with your face, in the same pic. This will serve as the verification process, and prevent future cat’s-paw breaches of the Chateau grounds.

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Reader Mailbag: Operant Conditioning Edition

Email #1:

First, thank you.  That’s all I need to say for the last 9 months of hitting pussy like an underhanded wiffle-ball toss.  Your advice is golden, and works, and makes me feel better about myself and about my interactions with women.

Bottom Line Up Front: I‘m fucking an 18 year old chick on a regular basis.  She came over to my place to clean last night, (she’s friends with my younger brother – they were both in high school cross country together).  When I got home, my laundry was folded and the place was in much better shape than when I left it.  I was at the bars with a bunch of buddies.  I brought them both some fast food, mostly because I love my younger brother and wanted to make sure he was taken care of, but also because I was signaling my provider potential.  Mistake.

After eating and chatting a bit about the night (I was very vague, but mentioned that it was a lot of fun,) I took off my clothes and went into my bedroom.  At this point, I must admit, I was running a passive aggressive shit test.  I wanted to see if this chick would get off the couch of her own accord, (where my lil bro was playing video games), and come to bed with me.  I should have nutted up and thrown her over my shoulder, but I was drunk and mistakes were made.  After finishing her food, she reclined back on the couch.  I gave her one more chance, “you kiddies don’t stay up too late.” and went into my room and crashed.

This morning, she was not in my bed.  She was still on the couch curled up in a blanket.  (Had she been in my bed I might have forgiven her by giving her doggie style good morning sex, but no.)

I woke her up by being noisy – I was pissed – because I knew SHE knew what she had done, and that now I was being tested.  I wasn’t sure how to react, but in these situations, I normally go with my gut, which said to call her out.  Again, I acted passive aggressively, (stupid!). I ignored her as she stared at me from the couch while I walked around in a towel getting ready.  I went into my room and shut the door and read your blog for a bit, looking to see if you’d written anything applicable about this issue, but was too pissed to concentrate.

Finally, I left for work.  I almost left without talking to her, but gave in at the last moment.  I gave her a peck on the forehead and a one armed hug and walked out the door without making eye contact.

However, on the drive over, I remembered your post on dread, and sent her a text that said, “I’m upset with you right now.  It might be nothing, but we need to talk when I get home.”  Again, I should have acted more aggressively, or just not sent this message, but your dual advice of playing it cool and letting loose the storm of masculine rage when slighted had me somewhere in tepid waters, the result being my responses to her bullshit.

What would you have done?  How can I salvage this, as I honestly don’t feel like I have hand on this one.  I see her again 2pm west coast time, and I’d like to walk into that interaction prepared.

Very respectfully,

~Dr. Drew

I get a warm but somewhat disturbed feeling when I find that an emailer is reading this blog in between bouts of drama with an insolent girlfriend. It’s a little bit trippy, this feeling inside…

Yeah, you screwed up, but not for the reason you think. It wasn’t the provider-signaling fast food itself that caused her to clam up; it was the fact that you offered this food after a night out on the town with the boys. You know what goes through a chick’s mind when a man does that?

“He must be guilty of something.”

And do you know what women do to men they think are guilty of something? They shit test them until the men start to believe they’re guilty of something. You see, a man’s guilt is the soft underbelly that, when exposed, a female cannot resist but sink her claws into and eviscerate. Your fast food happy meal, coming so close on the heels of a late night at the bars without her, was akin to a confessional.

A single instance of resource provision is not inherently beta. The key to successfully navigating the straits between sexless beta provider drone and loved alpha quasi-cheapskate lies in the context. Next time, offer fast food when she’s least expecting it. Hint: not after she could conceivably suspect you of fooling around, and not after she has just banged you.

Now that we know what the problem was, we can safely diagnose the rest of your interaction. It was bad. You made a precarious situation worse with your actions. When a girl freezes up and withholds sex, your response should NOT, under any circumstances, be a peck on the forehead and a one-armed hug. Do you reward a dog with a pig ear for shitting on your carpet? No? Same difference.

The text you sent was even worse. It sounds like Stuart Smalley wrote it. The Stuart Smalleys of the world don’t get laid, they only get elected to Congress with the help of illicit felon votes. You tried to thread the needle between cool, unfazed alpha and take-no-shit-from-anyone, angry alpha. This was unwise. Choose one or the other in the moment. Vacillation is the moisture wicking pad of the female libido. Unfortunately, everything you did played right into her hands. She now has the satisfaction of knowing two things:

1. That whatever it is that just happened between you two, you were certainly the one to blame, and
2. That she has assumed control of the relationship, or what’s left of it.

Here is what you should have done when you saw her sleeping on the couch the next morning. Nudge her awake, then tell her to get out, you have stuff to do. Your tone of voice and facial expression should be neutral. She will quietly gather her stuff and leave, or she will whine about talking over whatever it is that’s bothering you. Either way, you have regained hand. Stay in character, and usher her out the door, explaining that you’ll give her a call later. “Later” meaning a period of time no shorter than two days and closer to five days. That is how you punish a woman so that she learns to respect the cocka.

Here is how you can salvage the relationship.

Step One: Mentally demote her to an ex-girlfriend you just dumped. This will put you in the proper frame of mind for future interactions.

Step Two: One week. Absence makes the tingle vibrate stronger. Don’t contact her for a week. Her hamster will do all your work for you.

If you follow the two steps above, odds are good she will call you first. Don’t show your cards right away. Let her talk as if nothing is wrong. Find out her angle, where she’s coming from. Then, when she thinks she has smoothed everything over (assuming she still wants to be with you), you unload the beaver buster:

“Oh, and by the way, if you ever pull that couch stunt again, you and I are through.”

PS: I hesitate to mention the following, because it’s a bit gauche. There are two other, albeit less likely, explanations for why she camped out on the couch to play video games with your younger brother instead of trot behind you to your bedroom.

One, she’s having a fling with another dude.

Two, that other dude is your brother.

Just throwing it out there. Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

******

Email #2

I need some advice:

I was laying on my bed at night with a girl i have been seeing and sleeping for some months. She is a 8 and all was well. Then she asks for some Chocolate. To clarify, she is thin but loves chocloate. I tell her that i have no chocolate in the house. She asks to get her some. I think “Shittest” and tell her, that i will not go out just to get her chocolate. She hits me with “No chocolate, no sex!”. I handle this as a shittest as well an try a “I do not negotiate with terrorists, holding sex hostage, i fight them” approach an start some foreplay. She resists and because i do not want to seem to needy and it is late anyway i said “good night, terrorist” and went to sleep. (

The next day we lay on my bed again and she wants Chocolate again and ask me why i did not buy some. I answer that i told her that i do not negotiate with terrorists and she answers “It is not terrorism, it is a deal”. I ask what i would get for one bar of chocolate. She tells me i would get a blowjob. I joke that this is way to much for just a blowjob. She tells me that 2 chocolatbars would buy casual sex, with three we could try anal if it does not hurt too much, and for ten i could do whatever i want. All this is said with a smirk. I tell her i do not buy before testing the goods and so we have sex (but just the one and two chocolate bar kind, as usual).

What now? Do I never speak of it again because i do not want to make her frame stronger that i have to “pay” to sleep with her or get kinky acts or just get 10 chocolate bars and tell her to be my bitch (and get her an excuse to get slutty)?

Thanks in advance

C.
P.S: if you put this on the page feel free to correct my english

Get the dog to shit on a plate, sprinkle the turd with powdered sugar and drizzle with raspberry sauce, garnish with mint leaf, and present it to her with great aristocratic flourish as a dessert of the finest Belgian chocolate mousse. At the Chateau, we do “2 girls, 1 cup” with a little extra attention to detail. Bonus!: 2 birds, 1 cup, you have made a sly political commentary about the effluvium that issues forth from Brussels.

But seriously, you’re overthinking this. I can’t tell the tone from what you wrote, but it sounds to me that she’s just being playful. Go out and buy a huge dark chocolate bar, come back with it, act as if you are planning to give it to her, then sit down next to her and eat it yourself. When she whines, tell her it’s delicious. When she tries to grab for it, tell her to stop being a baby, she must wait until you’re done eating your part of it. Leave the tiniest piece behind and give that to her. Act like it is a great sacrifice on your part.

If she can’t have a laugh about that, then you have free rein to cheat. There’s nothing worse than a chick with no sense of humor. Oh wait, there is… an ugly chick with no sense of humor.

PS: Ten chocolate bars doesn’t sound like a bad deal for sex with a hottie. Sure beats drowning in mortgage debt and blowing a wad on an engagement ring.

******

Email #3

I enjoy your blog.

How do you feel about giving women nicknames?

This guy I worked with called his girlfriend, “Kitten.” I heard him to talk to her on the phone. I mean, he basically called her “Pussy” every time he talked to her. So, he was superficially affectionate but always reminding her that her worth was between her legs. (I met her, eventually, and she was model hot and was really into him.)

George W. Bush gave nicknames to all his underlings. I used to think it was dickish bullying, but I see now that it’s a superficially friendly way to assert dominance. And it’s still dickish.

Then, I read some woman’s advice about how men shouldn’t give women nicknames on the first date, and I knew that doing the opposite of what a drying-up mid-thirties advice columnist wrote about how the treat women was probably right.

I think that there could be something to this. Maybe in a cocky/funny way.

T.

Nicknames are great. They establish the proper paternalistic male – frivolous female dynamic that is the foundation of all successful and happy romantic relationships. Plus, they objectify women, and almost all women, contrary to the shrieks of dusty muffed feminists everywhere, harbor a secret desire to be objectified by condescending men. Imagine a cock slapping a chick’s face… forever. (plz to make animated gif.)

So you should always give women nicknames, preferably more than one to suit whatever happens to be the occasion.

Some of my personal favorites:

Lovechop.

Little Miss Muffin.

Showgirl.

Sugar Walls.

Miss Minx.

Princess Peach Pit.

Puss n Boobs.

Tits Ahoy.

Twinkletits.

Jujube.

Cock Envelope.

Queef Latifah.

Ho.

Good rule of thumb: the hotter the chick, the sluttier the nickname. It’s imperative that you sexualize a hot girlfriend soon after beginning to date her. Hot chicks have huge egos and crave a man who will bring them down to earth. This bringing down to earth process involves basically treating her like a convenient wet hole.

I’d steer clear of granting mushy or sexual nicknames to girls on first dates. That’s a fast track to disqualifying yourself as a needy pervert. Those are best saved for later on. Early game chicknames should be more teasing, less sexual. Like calling her Red Carpet when she shows up overdressed to an event, or Grace Kelly when she trips on the sidewalk.

Caveat: The uglier the girl, the more careful you’ll have to be about choosing nicknames. Too caustic, and she might start crying. Too sexual, and she’ll think you’re making fun of her. But really, why would you bother?

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What Did I Do Wrong?

We have a new series called “What did I do wrong?” here at the Chateau. You write in with a sad tale of chumpery describing where you went wrong with a girl(s), and Chateau proprietors explain your mistake and offer advice on how similar situations should be handled in the future.

Joe writes:

Last night I was at a concert taking place in an open field with some friends. We were having a great time when literally the hottest chick I have ever seen in my life (that’s saying a lot) comes up to me and asks where the bathroom is. In retrospect, I feel like I could’ve used game and salvaged the night. Anyway, here’s how the conversation went. If you could, let me know where I went wrong. I had absolutely no idea what to do in this situation:

HER: Hey, do you know where the bathroom is.

ME: (pointing to the farthest possible porto potty about two football fields away). It’s right over there.

HER: (stares into the distance for a good five seconds) Are you kidding me? My friends told me there was one over here.

ME: I am dead fucking serious. Your friends must have lied.

She leaves and takes my dignity with her.

Joe, one thing I don’t get from your story — were you deceptively pointing her in the direction of a bathroom that was at the farthest distance possible? Or was that really the closest bathroom to your location? If the former, then your game was weak, unless it was a ruse to join her on the long trek and attempt a pre-void pickup.

Where you went wrong: calling her friends liars. Better to have said her friends must be playing a joke on her. Harsh terms like “lie” are too negative to toss around in a serious manner during early game. A better answer would be more playful, e.g.:

HER: Are you kidding me? My friends told me there was one over here.

ME: Maybe they meant that big oak tree over there? I’ll cover for you.

The chick had to go to the bathroom, so you wouldn’t have had much time to game her even if you could pickup faster than she can remember her full bladder. And girls aren’t in a receptive frame of mind when they have to pee. Multiply that unreceptiveness tenfold if she’s turtling.

The obvious solution to your quandary would have been to join her on the long walk to the faraway toilets. Tell her you’ll walk with her because you’ve got to head in that direction anyhow. Unless she has an instant revulsion to you, she will agree to let you walk with her, and now you’ve got two football fields worth of distance to amp up any nascent attraction. Try not to make potty jokes. A girl never feels less attractive than right after giving birth or just before dropping a deuce. No need to remind her of that.

******

“F” writes:

I am a huge fan of your work. It has changed the way i look at women. This is the first time i send you an email. I’d like to submit (or elevate!) to your attention an email exchange i had with a girl i recently met only once, about a month ago. Since the first meeting (more details below) we have been emailing back and forth and the interaction has developed on a purely virtual basis. no follow up meet has happened yet. Clearly some bits of my interactions reek of beta-ness but i’ve tried to inject game in this exchange and to adjust the aim during the process. I have applied some game knowledge which seems to have kept the interaction alive (as expected) but i have arrived at a bit of a crossroads. She seems somehow intrigued by me but not enough to push it to the next level.

Background: I have met this solid 8.5, eternal ingenue type, at a bar in a business environment. After being introduced by a mutual acquaintance we start chatting and i immediately steer the conversation into non business related matters, completely skipping the “what do you do” thing, and specifically teasing her  in this respect, asking her to stop pitching her business to me (we just swap cards) and started tenuously qualifying her. After maybe 5 minutes of interaction, she introduces me to some business associates of hers (she works for a law firm my firm does business with) and goes back talking to her other colleagues, leaving me alone with the associates she introduced me to. After some polite conversation with her associates i leave the venue (completely ignoring her). She emails me the following day. the interaction starts at the [top].

My question to you is: Is there a way i can improve my email game with this particular person? What would you have done if you were in my shoes and most importantly, how would you take it from here? How can you -in general- generate an initial attraction/intrigue via email? as practitioner of day game, it happens quite often that the initial buying temperature after the number close is still very low and needs to be increased via texting or email…otherwise it might be difficult to get her not to be flakey.

looking forward to your reply If you ever decide to publish this exchange on your website (which you are welcome to do), I would kindly request you not to disclose my name nor anything that could compromise my or her identity (although i have already tried to edit out all the relevant details).

Thanks a million

F

P.S. my comments are in brackets <…>

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

HER: <this is the first email of the interaction…her self esteem seemed irked by my leaving the venue without homaging her with my attention>

Hi F,
Nice meeting you last night.  Unfortunate that we didn’t get a chance to chat more, I turned around and you were gone – were you bored by my colleagues or just the <her firm’s name> pitch? 🙂
Cheers,
<her name>

ME:
🙂 Well, to be honest, I was bored by both (but I admit I also had to run to meet some friends).  Its ok, you can make it up to me by taking me for a coffee sometimes..under one condition: no shop talk 😉 Ciao

HER:
Sure, happy to – how does your schedule look this/next wk?
Cheers, <her name>

ME:
I am free Friday, we can hang out after work. Cool?

HER:
I can’t this Friday I am afraid (it’s my birthday) – any other day perhaps?

ME: Happy birthday. I am around Saturday for early drinks, otherwise next week (not Monday, I am going to the racetrack in ZZZ).

HER: Would it be possible to meet next week? I am not feeling well..

ME: Well..I hope u didn’t get sick on your b’day.
Let’s meet wednesday at 7pm at <trendy neighborhood bar>

<She calls me 15 minutes before the meet and cancels claiming she had to work. I act unfazed and actually say “I don’t care”>

HER: <she immediately emails after the call apologizing again for the last minute cancellation>.
So sorry – I live in XXX so I’ll drop you a line later and if you are out maybe we can grab a drink in that area?

ME: <after 20 minutes>
I doubt it, am not free later tonight. Maybe next time. Ciao.

HER: <immediately>
Sure. How was the racetrack in Zxxxxx by the way?

ME: <after 20 minutes> adrenalinic. that’s what I need to wash away the week’s inertia.

HER: <replies after 10 minutes> Very cool.  Were you a spectator or a participant?

ME: <after a few hours>
Participant of course. I wouldn’t bother to go all the way to zxxxxx to watch other people racing.

HER: <replies after 1 day>
Either way sounds like a lot of fun.  How often do you go?

ME: <ignoring her question>
Yeah its one of the things I like to do. So…and what rocks your boat? Who are you?

HER:
Hmm, it kind of depends on my mood?  Last wknd I indulged in a bit of self pampering with massage and facial on Saturday followed by an intense afternoon of horseback riding on Sunday..how long have you been racing?

ME:
I have been racing for a year or so…but my real passion is martial arts.
Hmm…our pursuits couldn’t be more polarized. Leisurely Horseback riding, spa and massage…versus Car racing and martial arts…Relaxation vs adrenaline!
By the way I hope your employers pays you well because you still owe me the coffee from the beginning of this thread..and trust me, I am gonna pick a really super expensive coffee shop.

HER:
Chuckles – “leisure” horseback riding couldn’t be farther from truth. I did the arena training last weekend – we are talking real 1500 lbs horsepower with a mind of its own..i want to be good enough one day to go to one of those working ranches and round a herd of wild cattle, that would be uber fun.
Yes yes coffee is overdue – do you like hot chocolate?  I LOVE Caffé XYZ’s hot coco con panna.

ME:
Gee..I’ve forgotten you’re Texan…and a lawyer 😉
So from 1 to 10 how adventurous are you?

HER:
🙂 and you are from Ixxxx and a <my profession> guru except you don’t like to shoptalk in your spare time (me neither).

Hard to rate b/c it depends on how you define and what you consider is adventurous? But I am definitely a believer of carpe diem. What fun do you hv planned for the wknd?

ME:
Oh dear… The definition of adventurous. Foggeddabboudid 🙂

Actually…let me give you an example:
Tomorrow I am going with a few friends  on a boat trip to XXX. Sea, Beach and (hopefully) sun… if you were to join me on a whim with such a short notice (vessel leaves at 10am sharp on pier 1, return in the afternoon) then I would consider you (on my scale), a robust 7, maybe even a probable 8. I would be more than impressed by your initiative, understanding and application of the spirit of the horatian carpe diem. Makes sense? 🙂

HER:
Sounds like a lot of fun (and thank you for the invitation) but I have horseback riding in the morning! 🙂 I guess I’ll just have to impress with my cupcakes or something…do you golf by any chance?

ME (I reply after 2 weeks)
I don’t like cupcakes nor golf. Too bad.

HER (replies immediately):
Ouch 🙂 going anywhere interesting for <local festivity> tomorrow?

ME:
Am in NY right now..am out with friends. I love the city this part of the year. Will be here till the weekend

HER:
Yes, NY is fab around this time of year.  Enjoy..I heart NYC 🙂

ME:
am doing my best. This city never sleeps. What’s your plan for <local festivity>?

HER: Going to YYY <nearby tourist destination>, can’t wait!  Where abouts in NYC are you hanging out?

ME:
YYY? I strongly recommend staying in this hotel <url>. Stayed there last year.
I am on my way back home now. Have to work tomorrow.

HER:
Thanks! Looks really pretty..

Your first mistake was not getting her home number. Swapping business cards, and hence email contact info, is too formal. A number exchange personalizes the pickup, and puts her on notice that you don’t intend to treat her as a business associate.

Your second mistake was relying on email game to move the seduction forward. In fact, email communication is anhedonic. It will actually move you further from seduction once you’re past the minimum threshold needed to set up a face to face date. Endless emailing is yappity yappy, and it’s been noted many times here that girls prefer a little mystery in their men. Serial email rapport strips away mystery and makes you seem less manly with each email exchange that passes without a real life meeting transpiring. It bears mentioning as well that the longer you email the more likely you are to blurt something that lowers her buying temperature instead of raises it. Even the wittiest seducers will say something unattractive if enough words are spilled, and, unfair though it may be, to the mind of a woman one misstep can erase ten tingle amplifiers.

I included the entirety of your email exchange because, even though it is painfully tedious, I wanted the studio audience to see what “try-hard” looks like in all its morbid desperation. There is simply too much emailing going on here for a girl you haven’t yet fucked, let alone haven’t yet *met for a date*. Dude, no joke, I have had less total email communication with girls I have been fucking for a year.

Be that as it may, as email game goes, yours suffered from many unforced errors.

1. Too many smilies and question marks. A good rule of thumb when texting or emailing a girl is simply to refrain from using emoticons or question marks at all. Following this rule will help rewire your brain into mimicking the brain of an alpha.

2. You gave her too many free times to meet. You said you were free Friday, Saturday, and next week (except Monday). That’s too much available time for a busy man of the world. And it’s best to avoid setting up first dates on weekend nights. She’s not that important, yet.

3. When she flaked 15 minutes before the first date, that should have been it for her. Not worth your consideration. At the very least, stop the emailing. You should have been setting up this fucking date over the phone anyhow, not through email! Email is a girl’s best friend because it gives her total freedom to respond when and how she likes. Email strips the pitch and timbre of your rumbling manly voice, and elevates her voice to equally persuasive footing. A girl needs to feel tension before feeling attraction, and you helpfully sucked the air out of any tension by allowing her to continue contacting you through email.

4. When she offered a second chance to meet later in the night, your reply sounded tinged with bitterness. “I doubt it” is not a good answer. A simple “maybe”, and nothing else, would have sufficed to keep the interaction on life support.

5. Why are you rewarding a flaky girl with a long, drawn out conversation about racing and other assorted snippets from your life? Has she earned this attention from you? These are the things you share with a woman when you are gazing in her eyes and your hand is inching up her thigh.

6. You played a “1 to 10” qualification game with a proven flake over email. You pulled the trigger too soon. Save that powerhouse stuff for an actual date.

7. Never use the words “oh dear” if you are a man. Not even in ironic self-awareness.

8. Let me get this straight. You invited a known last minute flake to take a boat ride with you. And you are showering her with these rewards… why? I’m not at all surprised she turned you down again with some excuse about horseback riding. She’s got you exactly where she wants you  — giving everything and getting nothing in return!

9. Your response to her second rejection (two weeks later!) was more bitterness. Don’t you think she notices how abruptly your mood changes, from happy (if a bit strained) banter about boating to sullenness about not liking cupcakes or golf? And a two week delay makes it seem like you were stewing the whole time, for what man with a full schedule is going to remember what some chick said about cupcakes two weeks ago? Again, when spurned by a gameplaying woman, the best answer is short, noncommittal, and emotionally neutral. You neither like nor dislike. Make her guess what you’re thinking.

10. And in the end you give a flake the URL for a hotel you recommend. She gets her ego pumped up, and some helpful advice, all for the low low cost of…… no snatch for you! Despite their cheery smiles and sympathetic eyes, girls really do not respect men who give of themselves without taking anything in return. She wants you to take her pussy, and to do it with the minimal investment possible. Congratulations, sir, you are her personal LJBF beta orbiter.

Stop emailing her, she is a lost cause. If she emails you first, wait a few days before responding *with a phone call*. Do not reference anything she wrote. Act as if her words are merely a medium to enable your masculine essence to reach into the depth of her soul (conveniently located just behind her clitoris), and tell her email is for giggling schoolchildren, and she will meet you at X on X for a cocktail that is on her. If she agrees and you meet, you have recaptured hand. If she balks, wish her well and hang up. Life is too short.

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Reader Mailbag: Flakes, Snakes and Alpha Male Tales

Email #1:

I am currently seeing a girl who I like to invite over to my place to have some fun.

She often follows through, but at the last minute she flakes or attempts to make changes to my plans. Recently, she’s done this 3 days in a row.

I don’t get angry, but I don’t budge when she asks me, for example, to go out of my way to meet her downtown to hang out with her and her gay friend at the last fucking minute.

I told her that I couldn’t make it, and that I needed two weeks’ notice before we changed any plans from here on out.

At this point, I’m going to be super lazy at responding to her texts.

What do I do to straighten this thing out?

Ed

What we know: Girls flake when your alpha gravity pull is weak. She’s keeping her options open. Think of flaking as a whoreschach test of your mettle — the more you acquiesce to her flakiness, or seem to tolerate it, the more beta you appear. She’s flaked on you three days in a row? This means you attempted to set something up repeatedly in the teeth of three straight disses of your masculinity. Rat-a-tat, alpha down flat! Remember, your time is always worth more than her time. Why behave as if just the opposite is the working premise?

As for not meeting her downtown with her BGBF, well, that’s the minimum threshold of expected spine-stiffened behavior. Don’t pat yourself on the back too hard.

Here’s what I recommend: Stop trying to make plans with her. That should be step number one. It sounds like she’s still texting you out of the blue, so that means she wants to keep you active in her pool of prospects. How does it feel being a third stringer to a disrespectful ego-inflated bitch? Not very alpha, eh? Good. Now take that feeling and turn it into beneficial asshole game. Don’t respond to her texts for a week. When you do respond, keep it short and serrated:

“Hey blabby girl, gotta go. talk later.”

Of course you won’t be talking later. Wait another week. Ignore any of her texts in the interim. After that (if she’s still texting), text her back with this (ignoring whatever was the substance of her text):

“Drinks at 8 at X. Be there by yourself. yr buying 1st round.”

If she balks, don’t reply. Think of this as the textual equivalent of a backturn. Write her off, or, if you’re a particularly cheeky sort of fellow, fuck around with her everytime she texts in the future:

“Still texting? Come over. I got a new couch I want to fuck you on”

“You’re annoying”

“Stop wasting my text plan”

“gay”

“titty fucking. love it or hate it?”

***

Email #2:

I’ve been seeing this girl for a year. We live together and I’ve still got hand. Her during sex two weeks ago: “If you hit me this time use your left hand, the left side of my face hurts from last time.” I’m still flirting with other girls near her, etc.

Two days ago she tells me that a guy that used to be really mean to her when they worked together emailed her out of the blue (apparently they never hooked up) . He said when they worked together three years ago he actually liked her. She wanted to know what she should write back. My antenna tingled. I played it cool and insinuated he was a weirdo but she still wrote him back a short message.

She didn’t say anything else about it. Last night we were at a bar and she was blowing up with texts. I checked her phone and it was the guy. He isn’t very slick, but since she seems to be eating it up, I’m concerned. He is already hinting he’ll come visit her this summer (we’re going to be in separate cities). I’d like to squash this, any suggestions for my next move?

Other facts: This guy is 2,000 miles away now so they haven’t done anything yet. She is leaving in a week and will be gone for the summer. Right now, she doesn’t know that I know this guy been texting her.

ST

Sounds like you’ve got an ingenue on your hands. This type of girl will coordinate the attentions of multiple men in order to ensure she gets access to the maximum amount of resources. Think Carla Bruni. (Until recently, that is. Poor Carla has hit the wall badly, so she will no longer be playing her game of roll out the cock carpet.) When a girl starts waxing soap operatically to you about some random dude out of the blue, it means one of two things — she’s coaxing a jealous reaction out of you so you’ll give her more attention and love, or she’s musing about cheating and/or leaving you and her inner thoughts are tumbling out of her like a burp from a colicky baby.

First, this was a moment when you shouldn’t have played it cool. A bit of the ol’ ultrabadass would have done more good. No girl I’m dating for a year is going to get my permission, either directly or indirectly, to email an interloping male admirer. The way to answer your girlfriend’s head games is with the dread of loss:

“Hey, great idea, you email your hard-up stalker, and I’ll email my ex-girlfriend. Sound like a plan?”

She’ll get the idea.

Unfortunately, she emailed him, and the result was an extended textplay. (If you remind yourself that wordplay to women is like a handjob to men, you’ll be a little less tolerant of your girlfriend’s phone blowing up with texts from another man.) What were you expecting? Girls live for this sort of multi-headed male attention. Your operating assumption from this point forward should be that she will cheat with him if they ever get together. And that she is completely untrustworthy. You may want to run the Door Pattern on her before she leaves on her trip. I wouldn’t confront her about the texts, as this will only make you appear a jealous low-value lover. I’d just insinuate that the upcoming time apart would mean a lot of exhilarating freedom for the two of you, and that any funny stuff that you find out about means you are out the door for good.

~~~

ST emailed me a followup a few days later, after I had already written my reply to his first email above:

Well R, it looks like this is definitely over. She sent him an eight paragraph email. I had four words, “I’m kinda
seeing someone.” Then there was an entire paragraph about meeting up after she leaves for the summer. She’s been extra careful about her phone and now never leaves it around. But strangely she is acting sweeter toward me than ever. I’ve never had so much PDA and baked goods, what’s up with that?

It hasn’t happened yet, but it’s like seeing a wrecking ball arc toward a building: there is time before it happens, but it will definitely happen.

In any case, any ideas for a good way to break this off with a bang?

Me: “Your operating assumption from this point forward should be that she will cheat with him if they ever get together. And that she is completely untrustworthy.”

Called it. Am I good or what?

I’m not surprised that she is piling on the PDA and feminine sweetness now that her gig is about to blow up. I wrote about this phenomenon in this post about a girl whose best fuck I had with her occurred the day before we broke up.

The afternoon before the breakup we had the best sex ever.  She orgasmed freely.  There is something about breakup sex that brings out the animal in women.  Perhaps it is the only time they can completely sever their emotions from sex and just let their vaginas take over with a man they trust.  Or maybe it’s a last hurrah.  I felt used for my body.

I’ll add that guilt can drive a woman to feminine accommodation of the man she has cheated on, or is thinking of cheating on. Particularly if she has had second thoughts and decided that you are a higher value male than the long distance lover. Anyhow, the way I would initiate breakup sequence is with maximum pain and humiliation inflicted. By that I mean, get caught fucking another girl. When your beloved lashes out in fury and anguish, calmly reply:

“I thought you were OK with this. After all, this chick isn’t the only whore I’m fucking.”

***

Email #3:

Hey…..I’ve been a long time reader of yours and wanted to ask a quick q. – I apologize if you have addressed this issue already…I just couldn’t locate the relevant post. Anyhoo here goes:

When a girl you are flirting with mentions/boasts about previous erotic encounters with alphas  e.g “And then I met this total hottie in Paris who blew my mind” or “This reminds me of that argentinean tango dancer I had a fling with once”, how is one supposed to respond? Should it be completely ignored or should one maybe try to counterattack by casually mentioning real or even fictitious encounters with hot girls?

Thanks for your time

D

Classic beta bait. Subconsciously, this is one ploy that a girl will use to take the measure of your manhood. If you show any indignation, hurt, or jealousy, you fail. If you attempt to counterattack with your own hot lover tale, you risk looking try-hard. The way to handle these “alpha male ex machina” (AMEM) shit tests is either through humor or disregard.

“And then I met this total hottie in Paris who blew my mind…”

“You slept with a gay man? Damn, must’ve been a helluva dry spell.”

—

“This reminds me of that Argentinean tango dancer I had a fling with once…”

“Wow, I’ve gotta poop.”

—

“This reminds me of that Argentinean tango dancer I had a fling with once…”

“Use em and lose em, that’s my motto too!”

—

You could parry the AMEM with an AFEM of your own, as long as you do it right. For example:

“This reminds me of that Argentinean tango dancer I had a fling with once…”

“Hey, if we’re gonna trade sex stories from our past, I’ve got a really good one for you. So there was this cute girl and her mom, and a camera hidden in the closet behind a peephole…”

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Reader Mailbag: Don’t Tell Her To Smile Edition

Email #1 is from mkubuwa:

Hi R.,

Recently came across your blog; in one word…eye-opening! You seem to be a sage in these matters, so I have a girl issue that may just be down your alley of expertise…

I recently saw a girl on the train, a solid 9 if I’ve ever seen one. Problem is I’m not sure exactly how to open her. Trains are notorious for being conversation dead-zones as most people just tune out once they get on. She’s always frowning out of the window (hard day at work?) and sitting too far in the seating row for me to get to without making it obvious.

I could just walk up to her direct but I get the feeling that her defence shields would be up before I could even open my mouth. I’ve thought about giving her a written note “Frowning = Wrinkles. You’d look better with a smile” while getting off at my stop, but the problem is we both get off at the end of the line.

Any thoughts on how to get over this problem? I can handle bar and club openers, but public transport is a first for me. I only see her once in a while on the train, so the next time I see her I’ve got to make it count…

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Never tell a girl to smile as part of a pickup gambit. This will always backfire on you. It’s not because girls don’t like to be reminded they look dour; no, it’s because girls will rightly perceive such a gambit as a beta attempt to manufacture positive rapport. Never push rapport before its time.

A good opener is what you wrote in your second paragraph. “Do you ever notice how people on trains just tune out once they get on? It’s gotta be the most anti-social environment on earth.” Obviously, you have logistical problems on a train that you won’t have in a bar. Namely, lots of people in a cramped space between you and her. Walking up to a chick on a packed train will look and feel weird, no way around that. Your best bet is to be standing near where she’s sitting, so that you can look over your shoulder at her. Or get a seat next to her.

***

Email #2 is from R.:

I’ve stumbled on a form of game even more potent than Hangover Game…New Crib game, and it goes something like this;

Suppose you move, it doesn’t matter when, but you have a new place to bring your girls, here’s a sample text;

Me: Whats up?
Her: (blah) (blah) (blah) (blah)
Me: That’s cool, you should come check out my new place soon, its dope.
Her: Ooh a new place 🙂 where?
Me: (XXX) (XXXXX) Street in (XXXXX)
Her: I’ll try to swing by this weekend 😉

New Crib game seems temporal, but that’s totally up for debate.  I’ve been at my new spot for two weeks and have had five girls over.  I’ll need to wait a few months to see if any girls I haven’t spoken to in a while text or run into me, and I will try to run this new game on them.

New crib game. I like it. It sounds like a solid ploy for getting girls back to your place, as long as you use it on new girls. There’s no reason why a place you’ve been living in for years can’t serve as a “new pad” for girls who don’t know any better.

***

Email #3 is from The Hungry One:

A friend of mine is one of your regular readers, and pointed out something you’d written a few days ago, about signs your wife is about to cheat.  Enough of it rang true to worry me – though she’s actually sexually dead most of the time, and I have objective proof that she hasn’t been screwing around.  Yet.  But something has to be done, or my marriage is done.

So I read a couple dozen of your other articles, and while most of it is about landing new girls, you hint at relationship game, but always from the point of view of having someone interested in sex but not in her current man.  What I have is the inversion:  she’s disinterested in sex generally, though not actually frigid (she can, but doesn’t much want to), and in all other ways her usual self.  Price of motherhood, sure, and depressed libido is common as dirt after bearing a couple kids… but either this stops, or I do.

Refocusing her sex drive wouldn’t be much of a problem, as your earlier posts agree, but waking it up in the first place is an issue.  Alcohol often works, but I can’t realistically get her blitzed every couple days.  Clearly, proper game is the correct approach to the problem.

Give a brother a hand, Dark Master.

Objective proof she isn’t cheating? Is she in your field of vision 24/7? If not, then you have no proof. What you have, perhaps, is a lack of evidence that she’s cheating, but absence of evidence is not evidence of faithfulness. If my wife were frigid, the first thing I would suspect is cheating.

The second thing I would suspect is an abnormally low libido. Though I have never personally been acquainted with a girl suffering from such a debilitating affliction, I have heard tales of horror from friends recounting their wive’s utter disinterest in sex. Scientific studies of a dubious sort have identified anywhere from 10-30% of women have extremely low libidos. Woe to the man stuck with one of these sandpaper snatches. Your pain echoes throughout the universe.

If it’s well-lubed, exciting sex you want from her, then it’s almost irrelevant whether the cause of her dreary desiccation is unfaithfulness or physiology. Your mission will be the same.

Run relationship game. Teasing, push-pull, heavy doses of dominance, condescension, and mysterious disappearances will work best. If she’s cheating, or thinking about cheating, this will help lure her back into your orbit.

The next step, should the above fail to thaw her out, is a long, grapeseed oil massage. Don’t tell her it’s a prelude to sex. Just command her to lay on her stomach naked and give her the massage, then when she’s fully relaxed begin stroking her labia, inner thigh, and side boob. Stop after ten minutes, and tell her to get dressed, you’re done for now.

There is nothing wrong with getting her blitzed. A week after the massage, ply her with a couple glasses of red wine, then inform her it’s time for another massage. When you’ve massaged her labia to a screaming red crescendo, enter her from behind as she lays on her stomach. If, after all this, she resists, you my friend must get yourself a mistress. Or leave her. No man deserves such a miserable fate. When the kids ask why you left, tell them Mommy didn’t respect the cock.

***

Email #4 is from Chad:

Think you can say a word about “promise her the world” game, for those times when you’re slumming it and need some serious downward calibration?

“Promise her the world” game, also known as “I’ll show you the end of the rainbow” game, is a risky ploy. Pimps are masters of promise the world game, but pimps juxtapose their promises with pimp slaps. A beta playing promise the world game with a hot chick is going to get chewed up and spit out for shits and giggles. Hell, he might even get embarrassingly rejected by a war pig.

Remember, if you’re going to effectively play “promise the world” provider game (and provider game is a close cousin of vulnerability game) you have to have already established your alpha bona fides. Telling a girl you’ll show her the moon from a position of neediness will taint the moon for her. She wants to go to the moon with a man who might very well jettison her like a second stage rocket during the trip. When you make yourself scarce, your promises will have more meaning.

That said, if you really are slumming it, (and the widely accepted definition of slumming it is banging girls 3 or more points below your rank), then you don’t need much game at all. Be all the beta you can be! Let your herb flag fly. Caress her hair while you talk to her with the greatest earnestness about teaching boys to play with dolls. Tell her you’re falling for her… after the first drink (which you bought her of course). Remind her incessantly how much you love kids and how your greatest talent is your loyalty to girlfriends. Proclaim yourself a feminist. Laugh at every one of her dumb jokes. Compliment her eyes, hair, lips, body, and legs. Ask her if she’d like to go on a date with you in three hours.

In this scenario, promise the world game can work very well, if you deliver it with the romantic bravado of a Romeo in love. If the girl is a fatty and hasn’t seen cock in years, then expressively emoting about the wonderful journeys you two will take together, and the experiences you will share, just you and her against a cold, cruel world, will cause her to swoon like a toad in the midsummer heat. Detail is the key. You must learn to speak with efflorescence. Romantic minutiae is chick crack.

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